I love being a mommy. Seriously, it is the best thing I have ever done, the only thing I've ever done that I feel is completely right for me. I've never had a job where I feel this completely comfortable. Even when I'm screwing up and doing things wrong, it still all feels right. So I know I want another baby. I look back on the past year and it flew by, I feel like I missed everything. I don't remember when he first rolled over, I don't remember when he first smiled at me, or when he sat up on his own. It's all a bur, a somewhat sleepless blur lol, but still a pretty incredible blur.
Timing wise, if I were to get pregnant right now my babies would be two years apart, and I'd have to pay for two daycare spots... so I know I have to wait until at least this winter so there's only the one daycare spot to pay for. Though I'll have before or after school care as well... I'll deal with that later :-)
But it's hard! Two of my facebook friends are pregnant, one is due in early May with a girl and the other in August I think, with a boy. Then another friend I met online, who had a baby girl the same month as Jackson was born, is very newly pregnant. And I'm jealous. All the pregnant women I see at work, I'm jealous of them too. All the moms who are fans of the same sites on facebook, who have new babies or are about to have babies... them too.
A bit strange to be jealous of the pregnant mom's, partly because I absolutely hated being pregnant. It was horrible. I was sick the whole time, on zantac twice a day, threw up more times than I like to remember, wanted to eat nothing but bacon cheeseburgers... but only those from Wendys since if I had one from anywhere else it made a reappearance. I could barely walk, hardly breathe because he was up so high. Couldn't sleep, had to pee all the time, and was totally scared of giving birth. Having given birth once now, it still terrifies me lol, I know I can do it though so that makes a difference I guess.
So why do I want to do all that again? And be older while doing it, and have a toddler to chase around while I'm so exhausted? I mean I was in bed at 8 most nights, half the time Jackson won't fall asleep by 8. I guess I really must love being a mom. The craziest thing... I think I'd like to get a puppy too lol. I mean I already have two cats and a dog, but a puppy might be fun (and satisfy my baby urges for a little while).
2 comments:
LOL. I get the 2nd child urge too. I can't contact my adoption worker yet though until the end of may....while I've had my daughter for a year and a half, the adoption wasn't finalized til last November and our county has a 6 month rule of "silence" until we can contact them to do it again....
I just found out another friend is expecting lol, she has a little girl 3 months younger than my son, so she'll be in the "2 under 2" club, her daughter should be 18 months when the new baby arrives. I keep reminding myself I can't afford two right now, and trying to focus on other things :)
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