Right before the new year I ordered an SD card for my new tablet, because I ordered from amazon, I needed $25 to get free shipping. So I also ordered a book I've had on my wishlist for a little while. It's called Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr Laura Markham. She also has a website, ahaparenting.com, which also has a daily or weekly newsletter. I got the book really quick, it came on Monday which is crazy since I ordered it on Sunday. But any way. I love the book. It totally speaks to the way I think I should parent, but of course haven't been because of what I've been told or what "everyone else" thinks I should do. I will admit it, I am a yeller. I lose my crap all the time, just get to the point I can't take any more and yell. I always feel horrible afterwards, and of course Jackson feels horrible too. So I have known I shouldn't be doing it, and have been trying to be better, to manage my own temper better. I've read other books, like 1,2,3 Magic, and Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. Both of which are good books, and the second I think has a similar philosophy to it as this one. The difference is this amazing book gives me hope. It doesn't have a 6 week plan for change or anything like that. It does give reasons for why, and talks about setting limits, as well as how to do certain things. I really love the book. I also love the newsletter. I love getting hints and tips, and encouragement, daily.
The book is really about loving our kids, and how to show them that love. It talks about getting down to kid level to talk to them, about rough housing, having tickle fights, and how to be there even when they are melting down. How to show them love and connection even when they are trying your patience. I think my biggest issue will be myself, and I will have to keep reminding myself that it's not about me. I may be angry but I need to get myself past that to deal with whatever is happening, to manage my own emotions. Honestly, the first step of Regulating Yourself, will be the hardest for me. I think the Fostering Connection and even Coaching, Not Controlling, will be much easier for me. I am hoping that the yoga I started this week will be helpful (though right now all it does it show me how unflexible I am!). Taking that time for myself, to take care of me, will help, I hope! I know I will also have to remember to put the computer, phone, tablet and TV away, turn them off, and really focus on connecting with Jackson, playing his silly games, and doing what he wants. I do that now of course, but sometimes it feels as an after thought, rather than the focus of the day.
I know I have made some mistakes along the way, and I now know that I can get back on track. I also know that all of these ideas will be helpful when I have a second baby, it gives ideas for dealing with two kids, and I think having read it, I will be able to really do what my instincts tell me. I remember when Jackson was a baby, he was not a good sleeper, and everyone would tell me to just let him cry, but that never felt right. So I fought myself, felt bad because I was going to him every time, but felt like I shouldn't be. I won't have to fight myself again.
All in all, this book has some great ideas, hints and tips, and explanations for what to do and how to do it. I love that it gives the science behind things, gives examples that explain and show why this works. I know that it won't be easy to change, and it will take some time for me to stop being a yeller, but I also love that it gives ideas and hints for how to do that. I think it really validates what I knew, but what I didn't think was ok to do. I highly recommend it to any parent, especially those looking to connect with their kids and enjoy peaceful and happy moments.
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