Depression sucks

I have struggled with depression off and on for most of my adult life, in fact it probably started in high school.  I've been on medication for it twice, and the last time it was very bad was right before I got pregnant.  I managed to pull myself out of it using a book, and self talk.  It was rough but I did it, and felt a lot better.  The whole time I was pregnant my OBGYN told me I should go on antidepressants because I'd get PPD.  She was totally wrong and I'm glad I didn't listen to her.  I had a rough pregnancy but as soon as I had my son in my arms I was the happiest I've been ever I think.  Yes we had some rough times in the beginning, lack of sleep is brutal.  But I never felt depressed, bored on occasion and tired but never depressed.

Lately however I'm struggling.  My son can still pull me out of it, but it's taking me longer and as soon as he's in bed I kind of fall into a lull, and feel sad.  I don't like it and I know it, and I am not sure how to get out of it.  I know that it's partly because of work. I am struggling with the new job, in that it is boring and I am feeling I made the wrong choice, that I was pushed to take the job even without really taking the time to think about it.  Add in my cat problems, and the stupid car/CD player, and just feeling fat and like a loser. 

My cat, she seems to actually be doing better.  I picked up some raw food for her and Snickers, she really likes it, but it's pricey so I'm not sure how long I can afford for them to eat it.  But she actually groomed herself after dinner tonight, so that was great, and she jumped down from eating twice.  She still hasn't gotten up there but at least she came down. 

So I have joined a facebook group to provide some support in weightloss, I hope that will help lead to other changes.  I know my job is a big thing, it needs to change, I cannot go on like this at work, I feel like I'm not doing anything, and I do like to be busy. I will be looking for something else, but may wait until I get the promotion permanently, which should be about another month... I can do this for another month right? I hope so.  Otherwise if something else comes up first I will jump at it. I do wish there was something else jumping at me but so far I haven't seen anything. 

And on another note, my ex-boss and his wife are expecting. I believe she's 40 or so, they have a little boy a year older or so than Jackson, and my understanding from him before was they were done, they are re-married and both have kids from their previous relationships.  It really makes me think.  If I wait another year my kids will be the same age apart as theirs.  And I'll be younger, but still single.  Which I prefer.  The funny thing?  They just had a house built to accomodate their family, with one kid in the full time picture.  Wonder if they'll move again?

Oh, and speaking of moving, I've been watching the houses for rent, I think I'll be able to find something nice for May.  And I can't wait!  I somehow think it will make me happier and resolve the depression issues, though I know moving doesn't usually do that for me.  But I still hope.