I've finally been making some decisions about when/if to have another baby. I love my son more than anything, he makes my life so amazingly full and wonderful, I love every moment I get to spend with him, and somehow any of the not so great moments get forgotten as soon as they've passed. I want more. I really believe I was meant to be a mom, and that I was meant to have more than one child.
I've decided that for the next 12 weeks, roughly until the end of July, I need to stick to my exercise plan, stick to my budget and stick to eating healthier. If I can do that for 12 weeks, and lose some weight, and find a new family doctor (anyone know of any in Ottawa accepting new patients? lol) I will get a referral to the local fertility clinic. And go from there. Ideally I'd like to lose 35 pounds and have $4000 in the bank to start the fertility stuff. I'm in Canada so a lot of it is covered (like the IUI and ultrasounds and blood tests). Drugs are partly covered by my health plan at work. So it's just the clinic's fee and the sperm itself I'll have to pay for. I think :-) I'll be looking more into that over the next 12 weeks too.
I've told a couple people of my plans, no one in my family as they are against me having another baby as it's "too hard" to do alone. One person I told asked what about using my ex, my son's donor/father, and I agreed that would save me some money. I'm pretty sure he'd volunteer for a pizza dinner. But I don't really think I want to do that again. I will choose a donor with similar features, so my kids have a chance of looking similar.
One person told me I'm crazy, I have a son who is great and I should buy a house instead. The problem with that is of course I want another baby. And if I have to save for a down payment on a house, that's about 4 or 5 years of saving before I really have enough. And to start trying then, at 40 +, well that seems like it won't work. So I'm choosing baby before house.
Is it bad that I rent? I have a nice townhouse, it's got 3 bedrooms, a finished basement, a small backyard, a garage, more than 1 bathroom. I have a washer, dryer and dishwasher. If something breaks, I call the landlord and they come fix it. Unless it's something quick and easy (like the toilet leak I fixed myself lol). If I own a house, I have to do all that stuff myself, I have to mow the lawn and shovel the driveway, I have to fix things and replace things.
I've also told a few people that I want more kids, nothing specific in terms of time frames, and they are all supportive. Or seem to be at least. I have one friend who thinks I should find myself a husband, and she recommends a friend of hers (I think) but again, I don't really think I want that. I never really had a wedding, husband dream, except for a bit when I was in a relationship, and really even then I don't think it was really what I wanted, just what was expected of a relationship. I will admit there are moments when I miss certain parts of a man. But those moments pass.
At this point, I don't know how I would share myself with a man, I am so much involved in being a mom. To be honest, I don't know how married people do it. How do you stay on track and involved with your spouse? I think it would require a lot of work, and more than I have the energy to spend. So as part of my decision, I'm going to stay happily single, and pursue another child, and eventually a house.
2 comments:
Owning a house will not make you happy - but it will certainly bring you a lot of bills! (trust me!) I think that its really exciting that you are enjoying being a mother so much you are going to have a second - for anyone who says anything about it being too hard - rubbish - i think it may well be easier - because when they get older they will probably play together. Do investigate your son's father - but you are right it would be lots simpler with a donor. BTW My due date is either 23 or 24 December - depending on which egg fertilised - and I would be very happy with a delivery well before that!
The only things I've had to pay for are sperm, the storage fee at the clinic and fertility meds, so I think you've probably got it figured out right. I'm SO thankful we don't have to pay for the ultrasounds or clinic visits here!
I don't know what the wait time is like in Ottawa, but if it's anything like Regina, I'd suggest you get a referral to a fertility clinic sooner rather than later. I had to wait over 5 months to get my initial appointment with an ob/gyn. And it turned out she couldn't help me, so I had to get a referral for a different doctor. Yeesh.
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