The secret

There's a quote I've always liked.  I have no idea who it's by so apologies to the original author.  The quote goes:

What your mind can conceive and believe

You can achieve

Or at least that's how I remember it.  I've always liked it because it means, to me at least, that what I really want, and believe in, will happen.  There are times in my life when I've forgotten this, when I've believed that I am doomed and a failure, that I am worthless and hopeless.  But eventually I remember again.

The winter before I conceived my son was a bad one.  I was depressed for many reasons and felt like life was nothing, there was nothing worth living for.  I had no love life, no really good friends, no children, just a dog and two cats.  A friend at work, an acquaintance really, told me about this video, The Secret, and loaned it to me. 

I won't say that I totally believe it, but I do think there is power in positive thinking.  I watched the video, and that quote I like was in it.  How neat is that?  Seeing that again reminded me that I am strong, that I have the power in me to have the life I want, if I can decide what that life should look like.  It lifted the darkness from me, and I acted.  I got a vehicle.  I had given mine up when I moved in with my ex, because we couldn't afford 2, and when he left, taking his car that I paid for, I was stuck on the bus all the time, and with crappy credit that wouldn't let me get a car loan.  All those places that say "we'll finance anyone!"  yeah, except me lol.  I did manage to find a place, and got some wheels!  You don't want to know the interest rate...  So I got moving, and was able to get out, which was great.  It made a difference.

I won't say that I got the car (actually it was a minivan) because of my belief that I could, but it pushed me to look for options.  To search for any place, and to call and put myself out there.  I could have given up, but I didn't.  I got a lot of no's before I found a yes. 

The same thing applies now.  I want a house.  I want another baby.  I won't give up until I find a way to get these things.  I will search for my options, and work at making my dreams come true.  I will also listen to my dreams, and to my heart.  I believe strongly that my mind shows me things in my dreams that mean something, whether it's how to work out a problem, or how to place the sofa :-) 

Don't get me wrong, I am also a planner, I plan things out in detail, step by step.  I like to know what's next and if I'm on track.  But sometimes I see a way to take a shortcut, or to change the steps.  And I am flexible enough to do that.  So dream it, plan it, and achieve it.  And be flexible enough to change mid-way. 

So what is the picture of my ideal life?  The one I'm working towards.  I think I still need to clarify some things, decide.  Do I want to live in the suburbs or in the country?  Do I want to have one more child or two?  Do I want to look into adoption as an option?  When do I want that child?  Do I need the promotion at work to do this or should I accept the job I have and just leave that alone?  Should I try dating?  I think once I know the answers to those questions, and a few more, I'll be able to solidify my plans. 

For now I am happy being a mom, loving being a mom, adoring my little man who is my sunshine.