Having a sick kid, and being so sick myself on the weekend, has lead me to do a lot of thinking. I had gotten a letter in the mail from my union about life insurance. So I did some research on that, and figured out I should have a certain amount (because I don't own a home to be paid off), so then I figured out how much I get through work and they are about the same. So for now I think I'm ok. When I buy a house I will get more, whether through the union or some other method I don't know yet but will look more when the time comes. Yes, I was sick enough that there were moments I was sure I was dying. So I was worried about that. I do have a will and all that stuff. At least that is in place.
It also made me wonder about being pregnant, I was pretty sick with Jackson, like morning noon and night sickness, tired beyond anything. I am hoping that would not be the case now, I am healthier than I was, and working very hard on getting even better at that. It is proving hard but I am on my plan, and will get there. I have lost 20 pounds already this year, and have about 30 to go to get to "healthy", well a few pounds into it any way. I want to reach that goal before I get pregnant, in some slim hope it will help me feel better. Who knows if that is really the case or not.
I do know that I will be better prepared for a newborn, that I will know what to expect in some ways, the aching tiredness that comes with it, the lack of sleep and just getting through the days. I do also plan to do a few things differently, I will not worry about pleasing other people any more. I have changed that already with Jackson. He does not, at 28 months, sleep through the night most nights. And I don't care. I get up, I give him what he wants, he is happy, I am happy. I will not let him cry. I know that I will do more baby carrying, I think I will have to, carrying the baby is the only way I'll be able to cope with a toddler/preschooler. I know I will do baby led weaning again, with no purees this time. And I know I will feed us all a more primal/paleo diet. I will probably try breastfeeding again, but likely not at the hospital where I felt a real pressure about it all, and just decided to go with bottles because of the jaundice Jackson had.
I am an attachment parent, for sure. But I am my own version of it. I read an except from Blossom's parenting book and I would like to read the whole thing, I think she thinks a lot like me, but more so. But my new budget, that I am sticking to, doesn't allow for it for a little bit.
And for my budgeting, I am sticking to it. Which sucks in some ways, I do like to shop! But I know I cannot. There are a couple things on my list that I will make a way to buy, one being a GOOD food processor. I would like to get the kitchenaid one, but am waiting for it to show up on the shopping channel, since I can do easy pays which I love, and it will match my mixer and blender. Do I need that one? Probably not, but it is a good one and I do really need one. I'm also getting a bike, but will go cheap on that, if we do well at biking I can look at getting a better one in another year or two. Those are my expenses. I may get a frame for the mattress I bought for Jackson but am thinking it can go on the floor for awhile, not so far to fall :-)
I've been looking at costs of getting pregnant again. Going with a clinic and bank, I think it will be about $4000 for 3 tries. And I think 3 is about what I can manage financially and emotionally. I am curious to know how many OPK's I might use for that, and if I should try them out now, see if I'm right in my current guesses about when I'm ovulation. I had a thermometer but with the diet I've been on I haven't been using it at all. I need to restart that, and to get to my doctor to get a regular check up, referral and see if he'll send me for the "normal" tests. None of that at least will cost me anything. And it should get me an idea of whether I have the time to do this. And to really decide if it is what I want to do.
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