Oh covid

 We had a great summer, lots of outdoor stuff, went to the local water park a number of times. Lots of being around people and in some crowded places. School started in September and he hasn't made it a full week yet, well maybe once or twice. He has trouble with sleep and often doesn't get enough. A few things have changed, when he stays home I tell him to pretend I am in the office. He is 12 and perfectly capable of making his own lunch etc. We have had to meet with the social worker at the school a couple times, but he finally got off the attendance issues list, and then... covid. Sigh. He stayed home Friday before Halloween and Halloween itself. Though he did go trick or treating. When he asked to stay home again Tuesday I made him take a test. Positive! Oh I felt a bit bad then, he had probably exposed all his friends, and of course was validly sick. So he stayed home the rest of the week. There was some strike stuff happening and the school was closed Friday, yesterday was supposed to be online but he didn't log in, and today he stayed home again. He is testing negative so can go. I tested positive on Saturday and am so tired. I can't even explain how exhausted I feel. I tried to work today, made it a couple hours and then lay down for a nap and was out for the count. I have been bad about cooking while I've been sick, ordered too many times. Thank goodness for some delivery stuff though, able to order from the drugstore, pet store, groceries, all of it. Made it much easier to deal with. I hope I am better tomorrow and able to work the whole day. It's really busy and I know they are missing me.

Jackson's school plans a big trip for grade 8, 3 days to Toronto to do all the stuff, the zoo, wonderland, CN tower, everything. I am sure it's not cheap, my parents paid the deposit for the trip, and hopefully it's not too much more. Then of course it will be a lot of extra money to take and spend there. He'll have fun, it'll be great. 

I am still hoping we will be able to go on our cruises in April but it becomes less and less likely. I am still hoping for a promotion. I made it into a pool but haven't heard anything since. I hope I get the higher level, I know I would be able to do it and be great at it. And I need a change. My new manager is great but there is so much happening and I have Ideas, things that need to be changes/updated/improved and that would be possible at the higher level. The extra money would be nice too. I have done a bit of acting for my manager when she's off, which is a nice little boost every so often. But a raise would be nicer. Hopefully the union negotiations will only take another few months so we may get back pay in 6 months? a year? hopefully less. 

I just want to feel like I can stay awake for more than a few hours at a time. It's funny because I have all the boosters except I got the regular one two weeks before they offered the bivalent and I had to wait until mid-November to get that one. Now we have to wait 3 months to get the next one. He was going in two weeks for his 4th dose. Oh well. I am glad that I have them, I hope it's helping me recover faster. He is much better and was hardly even really sick. More of a cold. Me? Ugh. I have had some digestion issues with it too, so then I wonder if it's just covid or something else. Who knows, all I know for sure is I feel terrible. Still. Saturday was the worst but even today I am still in rough shape. This is it, can't last forever. 

A quick vacation

 With so many changes to travel, and the US requiring vaccination to travel there (but not recognizing my mixed vaccines as vaccinated, at least originally) I decided to plan a quick trip to Disney for the end of October. The plan was to get a second dose of Pfizer so I'd be considered vaccinated, and thus able to travel once those rules were in place (and to cruise as well). Turns out, I didn't need to, but by the time those rules were updated, our trip was well booked and within a few days so... we went for it. 

We flew to Orlando on Oct 25, what a mess that was! Our flight was delayed almost 2 hours due to security/customs problems in Toronto. We did make it, very late. We still went to Epcot, and kiddo rallied for the food. We enjoyed food/wine well the food any way, and a couple rides. It was a short evening and we went back to the hotel to swim before bed. We stayed onsite, at Pop Century, and it was fun to ride the skyliner and be back at our happy place. Kiddo still has serious anxiety over flying, and throws up constantly. I mean he started before we even got in the car to head to the airport. Coming home was even worse, and such a long day, but our next trip at least has direct flights so that will be a big help I think.

We went to all the parks, had a great time, did all the rides we like and it was only busy our last day. We still got to ride lots and of course we ate a lot. Kiddo eats more than I had budgeted for so that was a bit of a problem, but we'll manage to get it figure out and make up for that now. We had a lot of fun, though it is hard to believe we haven't even been home a week yet. It feels like we never even went, and is a bit of a strange situation to me. I hope our next trip, which will be longer, will be something I feel better about afterwards.

We got back on Halloween and Jackson was feeling too poorly to trick or treat, so no candy at this house! Probably a good thing. I do think I lost a few pounds while there from all the walking, and trying to eat smaller kid meals myself (to save money and it was just too hot to eat much some days). I did have a few adult drinks, which I must say was kind of nice, I never do that at home, but it was nice to have something fun and certainly helped me relax a little bit at some times. 

Of course Jackson has a stuffy nose and seems to have caught something, I just can't imagine where or what. We were tested for covid before flying home, and wore masks and used lots of hand sanitizer the whole trip. The day we flew home we were masked for 12 hours or so in airports and flights. I haven't taken him for another covid test, yet. If it continues or gets worse I will. I wasn't feeling the best yesterday but am much better today so it may have been stress related. Work has been incredibly frustrating lately, with a few team members leaving in short order and no one fully trained to replace them so work is taking a lot longer to do. I hope that will improve soon. Thought this coming week will be hard, I got called for Jury Duty (!!!!) Tuesday, and am off the rest of the week as well, so I only work Monday, which may cause some extra stress for my team mates, which will worry me. Any way. I am sure it'll all be fine and hopefully I get excused from Jury Duty in short order. Since I have no faith at all in the justice system, and am single mom to a young child (is he still considered young at 11? I think so), I hope it will be a quick conversation and they'll let me leave. I hope it isn't an all day thing. I get a panic attack just thinking about it, so am trying not to dwell on it at all.

We are still hoping to move in the spring, but I am not sure about costs and all of that. I will have to wait and see how much we spend on the March Break cruises, flights for that are already booked at least and the pay in full date got moved to 30 days before the cruises, so mid-February, which gives me some time to save up a bit more and, perhaps, enjoy Christmas. Though I am not keen to over spend on anything right now, and the whole supply chain issues, from groceries to stuff, is obviously going to be a problem. Prices keep going up, even the dogs food has increased quite a bit, never mind the cats food. And we need a new cellphone plan, Jackson's phone is broken, and our plans are at the two year mark shortly so I want to get us new phones, and a new provider. Our current one rather sucks in coverage, so a new one would be good. I hope so any way. I know we still have to pay to the end of the contract, late November, but that is sooner than you think. 

Any way. We had a great trip, I hope I can buy the pictures next week but we'll have to see, and I do hope we haven't caught something bad. We are both vaccinated so I am not worried about dying or something, just inconvenience. In any case, life goes on and I am glad we were able to travel and get back to some sort of normalcy. It can only improve from here. 

Visiting the doctor

 Summer is well underway, we've had HOT temperatures and then a few colder days, and now back to the heat. This week is vacation for me, along with next week. Sadly it's been pretty crappy so far. Our plans got torpedoed by a strange bump on Jackson's cheek, near his ear/jawline, that gradually became a swollen cheek. It started Monday, Tuesday I called the family doctor but was told he couldn't get a phone appointment until Wednesday. I called Wednesday at 8 when they opened and got an appointment to talk to the nurse practitioner at 9:15, sent some pictures and waited. At 9:30 we talked to her, answered questions and they set up an appointment to see the doctor (not his, he is on vacation this week as well). Went at 5:15 for that, apparently by then he had spiked a fever which made them give me dirty looks, well gee, it's likely an infection which tend to come with fevers so maybe prescribe some antibiotics so we can get that started? Nope, sent us off to the children's hospital. 

We went home to let the dog out since I knew it would be a long time sitting there, and off we went. By the time we got there, and parked, and found the doors, it was 6:45. We stood in line to get triaged, which was well over 30 minutes, they gave him a dose of advil for the fever, and sent us to the waiting room. We found seats and then waited. And waited. At 10:30 they put us in a room to see the doctor. I guess there was only one working because it was about 1 AM before we saw him. He did what the other doctor did, until I asked him about the ultrasound we were supposed to be there to get, and he kind of went "oh, ok, since that's why you are here". Couldn't see anything. Gave us a prescription, tried to give him a dose of antibiotics there but Jackson was throwing up by that point so I just took it home. He threw up before we got into the emergency room, and again after the doctor checked him out. And again in the car on the way home. By then it was all anxiety and worry, the family doctor told him he might have to do a covid test and he was very worried about that. So far we haven't had cause to be tested, and he wasn't there either. 

All to say, it was 8 hours from arriving at the hospital to getting home after 2 AM. Very tired but also wired and unable to really sleep, and hungry since we didn't have dinner. This all meant we didn't go to the water park again as we'd planned, and our trip to Toronto next week was iffy, but he really wants to go so I didn't cancel it. Now we hope for nice weather and the antibiotics to work. The swelling is coming down, he no longer looks like half a chipmunk, but he is still having trouble eating because it "feels weird". 

I have to say, I was unimpressed with the whole thing, this visiting the doctor in the age of Covid is really irritating. I also feel bad, I should have taken him to the hospital on Monday or Tuesday when it started. But there is nothing there, no marks, no obvious injuries or infections. I guess we'll never really know what caused it but I have said maybe we need to focus a little more on tooth brushing than we have been, and get some mouth wash or something to help? I don't know. 

At least he's been good about the antibiotics, reminds me when it's time for his mid day dose. Today I had a very bad migraine and was very out of sorts. Tomorrow we have no real plans, will probably do some cleaning and reorganizing. Sunday we go to my parents to drop off the dog and then Monday morning we head to the Toronto Zoo, followed by some shopping, time at the hotel (hope we can go swimming) and Tuesday to Wonderland. Which I hope goes well and the weather cooperates. Wednesday we go back to my parents to get the dog and come home. If he's feeling better we'll see about the water park on Thursday or Friday. I don't really want to go on a weekend if we can avoid it. And this is it for summer holidays, I didn't take a month off like I used to. 

I am really looking forward to the time away, even if we have to wear masks and I have to drive in Toronto. It has been a long time, we went there for one night last year but even less was open. I can't wait to be able to travel again. Though I have mixed dose vaccines so am not even sure when I'll be allowed to. Jackson will get his vaccines in December at the latest (depends when they approve for 5 to 11 year olds) and be all set. We have a Disney trip booked that I will cancel at some point, and cruises for March break, which may not happen. I may just book Disney for that time in case we can't cruise because of my vaccines. I am hopeful everything will be sorted by then. What is the point of getting vaccinated if life doesn't open up at least a bit? At some point we have to learn to live with this new disease. But I will get him vaccinated before we do anything too crazy. 

The curve, work and frustration

Apparently my province has reached it's peak. So what happens next? Do we gradually reopen things and get back to living? Do we remain in this locked down state for another month? or two? or more? Do schools go back soon? Or not until the fall. I am a planner so this uncertainty is frustrating me. It's worse than simply giving a date that is some far off thing. At least then I could make a plan. No plan leaves me feeling un-anchored, and drifting a bit. I am moving forward under a few assumptions, school will not reopen until September, I will be working from home until then, and once things start to get back to normal it will be back to the way things were eventually. That last one is probably in doubt but I am going to believe it.

Work is frustrating, I had not been in the position long when this all came about and have not had a chance to really get a grip on all the pieces of it. So my boss asks me questions I have no answers to, yet I am expected to. I rely heavily on my team, and trust that they are doing what needs to be done. I expect when this is over I will be looking for a different position though, I think I need something a little less anxiety inducing.

I was able to see my parents and sister this past weekend, we met in a grocery store parking lot half way between us. I was picking up my old lap top for Jackson, my dad had fixed it. They had also bought him a bunch of fruit, 3 types of apples, pears and plums, as well as some other snacks. He has been eating a lot of apples everyday. Groceries have been more expensive than they were before, mostly because I can't shop sales like I did. But we are getting by. It is a shift from school lunches though, and one that is frustrating to me, what he would take in a lunch bag he won't eat at home. Before this is all over I have told him we will do a test run day. One day he will pretend I am not home and have to do everything for himself as though I am at work. So we can see if he will be able to stay home at all this summer alone, should that even be an option or possibility.

I am online a lot, perhaps too much. So many people frustrate me so much. There seem to be two camps, those who believe we won't go anywhere until a vaccine is available and those who believe this is all a hoax and we should be getting back to life. The vaccine people actually bother me most, they seem to think we are in isolation to avoid getting this ever, and forget that this was about "flattening the curve" so that hospitals could manage. We will never remain hidden from this forever, we will not be able to avoid living until a vaccine is found. Eventually, the majority of people will get this. We are doing it slowly, so health care can help those who have the bad reactions. I believe until we have testing to see who has actually had it, not just those who are symptomatic and have been tested because of that, we won't have a fulsome picture of it's spread or see the end.

So while I am on one hand scared to get this because I am it for my son, if I cannot make his meals and take care of the house, feed the pets, all of that stuff, then no one will. So if I get sick and it is bad, we are screwed. If he gets it, I am sure he will recover in short order. And on the other hand, perhaps I will be one who has mild or no symptoms. Maybe I already had it, I had some cold like symptoms and tummy issues when we first got locked down, but perhaps that was just stress. Or allergies. Or who the heck knows.

I am planning to be able to travel again, I have two cruises booked in early December and the worst case scenario is we will lose those deposits. I expect that by the time we are supposed to pay in full, we will have a better idea of what is going on and timelines. Best case, we will go away for two weeks and have an amazing time as we always do on cruises. Middle case, we'll have to cancel and reschedule things for another time. I do not expect this to be years in the future, maybe one year? I should perhaps feel bad because I will take him out of school for two weeks. But to be honest, I don't really care any more. He has been doing nothing of his school work, and I am so tired of fighting about it. He'll survive, he'll manage, he'll either figure out that I was right and buckle down, or he'll do something else with his life and it won't matter.

We will live life now though, and enjoy it, because who knows what might happen in the future. This "novel" virus, I am sure it's not the last one we'll have to deal with. Humans have been hell bent on destroying the planet, I am sure it's a matter of time before the planet throws something else at us.

Feels like end of days

This Covid-19 thing is really getting annoying. It has sure escalated quickly. I guess at this point I am glad I cancelled my cruise plans for March break, given we'd likely end up quarantined or something. At least now I just have a week of March Break, avoiding crowds, and then TWO WEEKS of closed schools. So 3 weeks at home. I mean, I am able to work from home, so it should be ok, but wow... it's quite a thing! It seems everyone is in full on panic mode. Stores are nuts, shelves are bare, what are people doing? Do they think they will never be able to leave their home again? I just don't understand. I certainly don't have two weeks or more of food in the house. I do plan to buy 2 weeks of cat and dog food when I get paid next week, but I do that any way. For kiddo and I, well we could manage with what's in the house for a few days any way. But I certainly don't have a stock pile of things. I have a grocery list for this weekend, I can only hope the items will be in store!

I am off work until March 23rd, then working from home until April 5. It's crazy. I mean it's kind of nice, I like working from home, I feel I get more done, but it will be weird for sure. And it will be harder on the kid. Two weeks is a long time for no school, no going out. And he is not using my new laptop for playing his video games. He broke my last one, I had to get a replacement rather quickly, and now I finally received it. It is nice, and new, and pink, and not for his use! I will have to lock it up or something.

He has been getting to and from school on his own for a couple weeks now. Doing well with it, except eating chips for breakfast. Instead of cereal or toast or something. We will have to work on that. At least he hasn't been late or anything. Now the weather is starting to get nicer, it will be even better.

I have joined WW, again, and am starting to walk again. The sidewalks have cleared up well enough to go and not slip around. I am not doing great but am hopeful, and I have lost a pound or so. I hope to lose more, and perhaps being home for 3 weeks will help. I will at least be able to go for a good walk at lunch time. Perhaps I can start running. It is hard, normally sometime in January or February I start exercising in the basement, but this year I didn't. I have not been getting enough sleep, been lazy, and gained some extra weight. I signed up for 6 months, I hope it will be enough time to get some good habits. We'll see!

Sick kid, video games and connections

Jackson has been "sick" for almost a week now. He complains he is going to throw up, his tummy hurts, his head hurts. I cannot tell if he is being legitimate or if he is trying to avoid school, or daycare. He has already said multiple times that he doesn't want to go to daycare in the mornings. It's too early, his friends aren't there, it's no fun. So what can I do? He's been home from school four days now. I suspect his tummy issues are stress or anxiety related, rather than actually a virus or something. It could be related to diet, we don't always eat the best. But he does eat an apple a day, plus other fruits and veggies. I'm just not sure.

I did tell him no xbox the days he was home last week, but he played a lot over the weekend. The games turn him into a violent, reactive, foul mouthed child. And I hate it. I have tried to limit his time on it, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. When he gets to the point he's over stimulated by the game it's too late, he yells, I yell, we argue, and it does not end well. I am trying to limit things further but it is hard to find a balance of it. He plays online with his friends, and if he isn't playing he's wanting to watch YouTube videos of people playing. How does that make sense? I do not understand it. I fear he is quite addicted to the game and screens in general.

He is, and always has been, a sensitive child. Wearing socks can cause screaming matches. I finally found some with no seams in the toes that he can wear without a fit. But he also gets very upset if I am mad at him, or he thinks I am. He hates when his teachers are upset with him too. He places a lot of his self worth on being good at things, connects who he is with how well he can do something. If he makes a mistake it is the end of the world, he's the only one who has ever done such a thing, and he is worthless because of it. Self esteem is a bit issue for us.

So today a new plan because I can't miss more work. I wasn't planning to go today any way, but I thought I would have the day to myself to clean up a bit, and watch some Netflix. Instead we are working on a new plan and schedule.

He is walking home from school now, and I have been getting home a little before him. I will be changing my hours in November so get home later, and not have to use vacation days for PD days, so I can save those for the summer. That time from when he gets home until dinner is on the table he will be allowed to play OR watch his videos. Then we eat dinner together. After dinner he can choose a game, or toys, or a puzzle for us to do together, or we can walk the dog. Something together. Then he has homework or printing practice. He is quite upset that he loses marks for writing some letters backwards. So practice will hopefully help. I will contact the teachers to see if they can suggest something to help. He will be going up to his room by 7 to either watch YouTube or read, and then that's off by 7:30. He falls asleep with his light on, and I turn it off when I go to bed myself, but I will go up and turn it off earlier now. This should help him get a proper night sleep. I hope. He will still have early daycare until spring at least. I will see about starting work 30 minutes later, though that puts me getting home at 5 when we would normally be eating so I'm not sure I like that. We'll see.

We are also going to go through some of my paleo cook books and see what recipes he might like to try. We will try and clean up our diet more, do a whole foods type thing, less processed, less wheat/gluten. And see if that helps his tummy too. And my own. I haven't been very good about my own eating habits since the power outage. That was a good excuse to start eating lots of bread again. I need to clean it up so I can get back to feeling better myself. Plus I need to lose some weight! A lot of weight.

He is home today but will be going back to school tomorrow. No matter what. He's agreed to that. Hopefully I've covered the bases, more time connecting, less time on screens, healthier diet, better sleep habits. One of those should fix the sore tummy.

I know he is also worried about my dad. He's in the hospital with some heart problems. So strange because he is not a smoker, doesn't drink, eat a healthy diet, and was walking 5k 5 times a week. Now he can barely walk across the room. Sudden and dramatic. He's going for some more test this week, and hopefully it will be ok soon. Jackson is worried about him though.

He's also worried that I will put him up for adoption, that he's "bad" and I don't like him. He doesn't like it when I get mad at him. Which I understand, I was the same when I was a kid. I am hoping less screens, less xbox, and more time connecting, will help to fix that. It does make me wonder at my mothering skills though, perhaps I am a terrible parent who has been too lax, and made a monster. Which of course makes me feel terribly guilty, and also wonder how I could even think of having another child. Not only am a crappy mom but perhaps my son shouldn't have a sibling, how would he behave? Hopefully I am able to fix all this, but it is so hard to be a mom some days. We are very different in a lot of ways, this kid of mine and me. I am very much an introvert and I need alone time very much. He loves to be at least near people and not alone. It has been difficult for me, but as he gets older we find ways for him to be around friends and me to not. Still, how can I think I could do this again? Or with another child around? It needs fixing for sure. I need to fix it.

Happy Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving here in Canada. So it's a long weekend, which I love. An extra day off is always welcome! I did start the weekend with a bad cold. Started it Friday at work, wanted nothing more than to sleep yesterday, but am feeling somewhat better today. As is tradition my dad has taken Jackson to a petting farm for the day, they will have lunch and pet animals, ride a little train and play on park equipment. I'm sure they will all have lots of fun. I got the day to myself and was able to go get my shopping done. I picked up the drinks for tomorrow when we will have dinner at my sister's. We are also invited to brunch at my niece's tomorrow morning. So less cooking for me! Great. I did buy everything I need to make Jackson and I a small turkey dinner, which we will have next weekend I think.

My mom messaged me when they arrived yesterday and I asked if anyone wanted to take Jackson for a few hours... my dad came and got him, took him to a play gym for a few hours. Jackson got to run and play and have fun. They also went to Walmart afterwards and got his Halloween costume, one less thing on my to do list!

Jackson has been watching Disney channel, instead of the more cartoon Disney Jr. He is also seeing more commercials now, and of course wanting everything he sees. So my dad got him this little monkey thing that goes on your finger, as he begged me for one and I said no, many times.

Kiddo is doing well in swimming, and the floor hockey. It does make for a busy week for me, but I guess that's ok. I need to really start exercising, more than just walking the dog. I've asked Jackson to help me and he says he would like to exercise with me. I hope I can actually work up the energy to do it. In a few days when my cold is gone and I actually feel like doing anything. I want to be able to do better on our next trip, which is in about 9 weeks. I also need to stop buying lunches! I have been very bad since starting my new job, buying lunch more than bringing it. I can't afford that, and it isn't healthy for me. I manage to make lunches for kiddo everyday, but somehow I can't do it for me. That needs to change. I pay more attention to how well my cats and dog eat than to myself.

My new job is going well. I think. I am learning a lot, and it will certainly be a boost to my resume. But it is also in some ways not the best fit. There are people on my new team who are definitely causing me to keep calm, and try to focus. They aren't giving me any issues with my vacation requests, so far, but I can see that may be an issue in the future. And that won't do for me. At least it is a temporary change, so far, I can go back to my old position and the freedom that came with it.

Activities

Normally I hate doing anything in the evenings after work/school. I prefer to plan things for weekends, and even then I am not keen but have tried to do things so kiddo gets experiences. This year I signed him up for swimming on Tuesdays and just put him into floor hockey Wednesdays. I have to stay and watch him swim, but the floor hockey is two hours and a drop off sport. It is kind of nice to be able to drop him off and leave, get the groceries done, take the dog for a long walk, whatever I want to do. We only have 10 weeks of this, so I can do it! He enjoyed the first day of floor hockey yesterday, though he thinks the other kids should aim better so they stop hitting him with the ball. He will be missing the last swimming class since we are going on a cruise around then. We are looking forward to the trip, but a little worried since we are supposed to go to the Eastern Caribbean and so many of the ports have been devastated by hurricanes. 

There was a flyer sent home about a musical theater workshop, 3 hours Saturday mornings to do singing, dancing and acting... I really want him to do it :-) But I'm not sure he really wants to do it. We will discuss it this weekend, I can't sign him up until next week any way.

I started a new position, same level, same pay, same employer, but a new location and a new project. It's interesting so far, but some of the people I am working with are new to the employer and they don't get it yet. One is ex-military, so that is proving interesting. Things in the private (or public) sectors are different from military. He expects orders and to be in charge, but things work more collaboratively, and it's more about facilitating discussions rather than giving orders and expecting reports. We'll see how it goes. One good thing is it is a temporary move, so if it goes well I can work to make it permanent, but if not I can retreat to my old job.

The weather has been very hot the past few weeks, hottest days of the year. Strange for Canada! Today it's back to more normally temperatures, so of course my head is about to explode. Weather causes me migraines for sure. I hope it improves so I can do some things today. I'm supposed to be at work but am not because of the headache, and I am wondering if Jackson is going to make it through the day. He says he hasn't been feeling well. I know he is very tired, staying up too late, getting up too early. I may need to change my work hours a bit so he can sleep in later. We'll see how the next week or two goes.

February

This year started off a little rough at times. Though our awesome cruise did make up for that. February has been great so far. I finally got my back pay, and raise. I managed to pay off some debt, put some into savings for later, and then booked a trip to Disney for the end of August. I booked flights, bought tickets and put a deposit on the hotel. I'm quite excited about the trip, and hope the weather won't be too brutally hot. I think this will be one of the only times we spend a whole week there. The timing of everything was fortuitous. I got the tickets right before they went up in price, booked the flights right before they went up as well. Even the hotel worked out well. I booked and then found out I had been misquoted, the cost is actually $500 less than I was expecting. Apparently the quote included tickets or something, which I didn't want. Very happy about this turn of events!

Last week kiddo was sick a few days, sore tummy and lots of bathroom runs. I kept him home 3 days, the third was partly because I didn't feel like driving in the crappy winter weather, buses were cancelled so whatever. When I got back to work I found out my whole (small) team would be moving to another division! Not happy about this I was fuming at first. Then I spoke to one of my team members, my boss starts much later than I do, and the team mate told me the work I do was staying so I would probably be given the choice to stay. I like my boss, but I really like his boss. So I wanted to stay, and get to! It is a good job for me, I am getting to work with upper management, get noticed, I enjoy it, am learning a tonne, and still get to do things like take August off. Hopefully this will lead to language training, eventually, and management. Which I am still not sure I want to do. But the opportunity is important.

While we were on the cruise I booked for the next one. I just moved that to March 2018, saving some money and better able to get direct flights. We are really looking forward to that one too. We like cruising!

Jackson is doing well at school, though he hates it. He complains he doesn't like to sit and learn things. I can't blame him and really only want him to do his best. He is getting about a B average, which is fine with me. I guess because I can see so many people in my place of employment with very little education beyond high school and perhaps some college, I just feel that a good job is possible without over the top effort. I mean I want him to be able to read, and think for himself, but I want him to be happy, and able to support himself. Perhaps I am cynical about employment and careers, while I like my job, I like it mostly because it supports us and allows me to do what I do.

Health wise, I am trying to move more. Especially if we are going to Disney for a week. It is a lot of walking! I would like to be able to do it and not have my feet hurt everyday. I would like to be able to do it and have energy to do so. I set up the basement to be able to workout, but have only done a few workouts down there. I'm not sure why really. I am tired, and though my thyroid medicine is apparently working, it doesn't feel like it. I am hoping this is a "winter blues" sort of thing, I do hate winter, and long for spring!

We are getting a puppy! I was going to wait until Jackson was older but he has been talking about it for awhile, he really wants a "friend" to play with. So I have been checking out breeds, and cross breeds, breeders, rescues, and doing a lot of reading. We are getting a cockapoo puppy in another month or so. He will be black, and Jackson likes the name Finn. I am both looking forward to it, and worried. Puppies are a lot of work, potty training, regular training. Even worrying about what to do with the puppy while we travel. I am sure it will all work out though. I am also nervous about a new dog after the issues with Riley. He had some serious issues, many I'm sure because of his rough start in life and lack of socialization. I am desperate to avoid any of those issues again. I hope that my choice of breed, and early training, socialization, will help keep everything smooth and easy.

July colds

Kiddo is still at my parent's place. He isn't feeling very well, apparently he has quite the runny nose and wasn't eating much yesterday. They were supposed to go camping but once at the camp site he complained of feeling sick so they came home. I think it was probably a good thing as the weather was quite hot and humid where they were camping, and I doubt any sleep would have been had. My mom asked me what he likes when he is sick, and she is taking good care of him, of course! I mean she took good care of me when I was little and sick. I know he's fine, but of course I'm mama! I can't really go get him though, I'd have to miss some work and it's quite busy, and I know he's fine so there isn't really a reason to. Plus driving that far when sick is not likely very much fun. He seems to be doing better today, I'll get another update once he's asleep I'm sure!

Facebook has this feature that shows you what you posted on this day in previous years, apparently Jackson is sick quite often at this time of year! Weird right? It is pretty cool to see these things though. I notice a few trends in his illnesses, which for some reason I post about a lot.

I have not been doing as much as I had planned in terms of cleaning and organizing. I seem to be really good at procrastinating. Really good. I am hoping to get most of it done before he comes home, but realistically, I am not good at this. I want to rearrange his bedroom, and will do that on Saturday. I've got some books moved to the basement, and the old play doh is gone, but the rest of the toys... I don't really even know where to start! He has so many toys. I think I need help, but not sure how to do that either. I'm sure I'll get some of it done. I wish I had a full day off to work on it, evenings I am just tired from work and want to do nothing.

Speaking of work, I am replacing my director's executive assistance and it is a lot of fun. I really enjoy being involved in so much that is going on. There are some things I'm not as keen on, but overall this type of thing is great. Of course it helps that my director is pretty awesome, he knows his stuff and is on top of things, plus he's friendly, and he seems to enjoy his job. I do not think I ever want to be at that level though, he works a lot, I get emails on weekends, in the evening, he's obviously busy and I like to leave work at work.

I haven't been able to get to the doctor this week either! So now it will probably have to wait until August, when I am off, and can go when Jackson is at daycare. I'll make sure he spends some time there, he wants to go on the field trips any way. I guess it gives me more time to take my supplements, and keep up with the yoga (which I haven't done at all this week!). I haven't been sleeping well this week either, not sure if that is because kiddo is not here or what. I think I need new pillows or something. I had hoped to catch up on sleep a bit, but I guess not! Perhaps this weekend, since I won't go get him until Sunday.

Long weekend fever

Another February weekend. Supposed to be busy with a birthday party and an SMC get together. But instead I am wondering how to take sick kiddo to the store to pick up a few more things for him to help him get better. He was complaining Friday night that he had a sore throat. Since I have a cold I've been fighting I gave him some cold medicine and he went to sleep. Woke up early yesterday and was his usual self. He wouldn't eat breakfast, we had a fight about that, then went to run some errands and get me some more medicine. When we got home I offered him something else to eat. He asked for leftover pizza. I heated it up for him but he didn't eat it. I gave him some juice, didn't drink that either. He said his head and tummy hurt. I figured it was because he hadn't had anything much to eat or drink yet. So I made him some chicken noodle soup. Which he ended up throwing up.

Say goodbye to the birthday party. I tried to give him some chewable advils and he threw those up too. Managed to get him to swallow half an adult gravol, which seemed to help. He can't do the chewable things, they make him gag! Ugh. Of course that's all we have. But as he tells me, a fever helps your body fight sickness... far too smart for 6 my kid.

Told him if he didn't eat or drink something we'd have to go to the hospital, found some popsicles in the freezer, he ate 3 and felt better. Had a nap all afternoon, he is not a napper. Was up for a little bit in the evening and back in bed by 7:30. He got up at 7 this morning as always, still feeling hot to touch but didn't want to be in bed any more. So he's watching TV now.

And I need to find a way to get to the store to get him some liquid advil, the only stuff I have is expired two years ago. How does that happen? I'd also like to get more OJ and chicken noodle soup, and apple sauce I think. Maybe some more popsicles. This is one of those times it would be nice to have another adult in the house! Or at least one I can call to come stay with him for 30 minutes. But who do you ask to do that with a sick kid? Ugh. Couple more years I'd be ok to leave him alone for a little bit.

I really really hope he's better by Tuesday. We have tomorrow off for Family day, but I have work on Tuesday and am replacing my Director's EA. I can't really miss the days, and I don't want to. For the first time in ages I am actually liking what I do. And it's good exposure, I think my Director now knows who I am and perhaps that will help lead to something better for me. He's already volunteered me for a collaborative project with another area that I think would normally go to a Manager, which I am not. Of course kiddo is sick when I wish he wasn't. I had things planned to get done yesterday while he was at the party, which didn't happen. At least we did get some stuff done before I realized he is actually quite sick.

Here's to another day of kid shows. And super cold weather.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween was pretty good this year. Jackson is at an age to love it. And I was healthy and able to take him out, plus it was on Saturday so we did a bunch of stuff. Friday he got dressed up as a pirate and went to school. He looked pretty good I think. He had fun, they got a few treats, he handed out pencils to everyone. Saturday we went to a local mall, they do trick or treating at the stores, and he got a lot of candy. Most of it chocolate. One thing about my boy, he doesn't like chocolate, except Smarties, So I got a lot of treats! Then he dressed up as a ninja to go out, it was good weather so his black hoodie under the costume added to it, and he looked pretty cute. He got a lot of candy, but his favourite treats were the chips. Which he has eaten almost all of! Crazy. We left out a bucket of treats for kids to help themselves, and most of it was gone when we got home. But there was more in the house, and we only got a handful of kids afterwards. So we have a lot of that left too! So much sugar... so much sugar.

Lots of loot

Pirate for school

Ninja trick or treater

We also got his school pictures, he is so cute! Maybe I am a bit biased though. He is doing really well in school, he is reading stories to me at bedtime, very cute. He is learning so much. It is so amazing to see. I can't wait for him to really get it, and to enjoy reading as much as I do. 

We are both sick now though. Stuffy nose and a bit of a cough. First one of the school year, so that's not too bad I guess! I just hope we get some sleep and feel better sooner than later. The time change hasn't helped of course. 

My big Grade 1 boy!

Easter weekend

Another Easter weekend is done. We went down to visit my parents, of course. We drove down Thursday evening. I picked him up right after school and we stopped for dinner on the way down. It was a nice visit, we haven't been there since Thanksgiving in October so it's been 6 months or so since we saw them. I think Jackson has grown a lot since we were last down, he had fewer tantrums but still has some quirks my parents are not used to. He does not sit at the table to eat, he prefers to come and go. When he gets upset it can be a little difficult for them. He also likes to pick his nose, which they hate. I ignore because I have better things to fight over than where his finger is. Besides which, if we make a point of pointing it out, he tends to do it more. I am pretty sure the other children in his class do the same thing, and he'll grown out of it eventually... why stress over it?

My mom made a comment about how my nieces spent a week alone there every summer from when they were like 3, and he's 5 now. But he is not the girls, he is loud and talks a lot and is picky about eating, and sleeping, and he is a BOY. I am not sure I want to drop him off with them for a week, he was interesting because he loves being down there, but we'll see what he really thinks about it closer to the summer. Perhaps it will work out, but maybe not.

He also managed to get a bit sick down there, Sunday morning he woke up crying, saying his tummy hurt, and his head. After finding all the eggs, with plenty of stops for breaks because he was so tired, he went back to bed! He never does that. And of course all the medicine we had down there had expired so mom had gotten rid of it and not replaced it. On Easter Sunday, I had to drive 30 minutes each way to find a store that was open where I could get some medicine for him. One dose was all it took, he rested a bit longer then was raring to go. Soon as he started talking, you knew he was feeling better.

It was a nice weekend any way. The drive home was frustrating, people cannot drive! Do not go in the passing lane if you are not actually passing someone!  And the weather, it started raining, which turned into snow as we got closer to home. By the time we got on the 416 it was snowing a lot, and that road is very slippery, so we had to slow down quite a bit. But we made it home. The cats were happy to see us, and everything was as we left it. Happy to be home, no groceries in the house, and back to work tomorrow.  Lovely! I'll be stopping at the store on the way home I guess.

Happy New Year...

This new year has really sucked. New year's eve I was SICK. I spent the day throwing up, from at some point on the 30th right through until bed time at 7:30 on the 31st. Yes that is how late I managed to make it on the 31st. I have never thrown up that much in my life, I'm sure. I was so done with it, and Jackson was so fascinated with it. I was lucky and able to drop him off at daycare, but felt horribly guilty for it because I knew it would not be a short day for him. But I did what I had to do! I begged my sister to get me some ginger ale and she dropped it off outside the door, didn't want to risk getting infected herself. I slept when I wasn't throwing up, and eventually managed to go get the kiddo. I lay on the couch while he had cereal for supper, followed by a lot of candy. There were a lot of complaints about not getting to see the count down, I just didn't care.  The 1st was a little better but my other issues started, and continue. At least I haven't thrown up again but I have nothing in me. I have been living on that case of ginger ale, and some soup we bought yesterday. It just isn't gong well. I have no idea how I will manage to go to work tomorrow, never mind I have to drop my car off for it's repairs and pick up a rental. My poor boy has been living on cereal and whatever else he can reach, which seems to include a lot of candy and all the freezies. How he got those out of the freezer I have no idea. I am desperately hoping that this virus or whatever it is gets better, and goes away, and I can go to work tomorrow without wondering how long it takes to run to the bathroom. 

The thing about being a single mom in times like this is I have no back up. There is no one else around to help out, or feed the kid, or go buy me soup, or crackers. Or even just to entertain the boy. He has been really good and thank goodness he is at an age where he can do some things himself, he's potty trained, he is able to watch TV, play with his toys, get some snacks and things himself. But I do really wish there was another adult around right now to help out.

It doesn't help that something is wrong with the dog. Either he has the same virus I have or he's dying. I just don't care. How terrible of me? It's all I can do right now to take care of my kid, barely myself, no way I can add in taking care of the dog right now. Nothing extra any way. He hasn't eaten since some time Wednesday, except one treat Thursday which he threw up all over my bed at bedtime. This is of course the dog I don't know what to do with any way. I probably should have had him put down ages ago but didn't, and now I can't really afford to. We have a lot of expenses with the trip at the end of the month and I do not have $300 extra to deal with this. So he suffers, and I feel badly, but there isn't a lot I can do. He'll either get better or not... I did make him some rice, but he won't eat it. One thing about dogs is they generally won't starve themselves without reason. Cats would but not a dog. He has been drinking, but I'm not sure it's enough. Perhaps I won't need to worry about him while we are away after all... though I do have that taken care of any way. 

And speaking of the trip, I still haven't totally decided if we will spend two nights in Cape Canaveral or Orlando. Either way I think we will have fun, I just really wanted to go to Animal Kingdom for the day. At least the cruise is taken care of, and I've booked one excursion already, a beach day. Two I think we will do some free stuff and the last day I am debating which beach excursion will work for us. Since Jackson doesn't really swim well but does love the water and trying to swim. I don't think snorkling will be in this time, but perhaps next time.I want as much time on the beach as possible. Our room was assigned, and it's a pretty good location. Now to cross our fingers we don't end up with late dining since there is no way we'll have dinner at 8:15 when he is normally sound asleep by then. With me close after lately!

Poor sick kiddo

Life has been interesting lately. Things are going ok for the most part. I have been very unhappy in my job but that is at a point where it's changing. I was supposed to talk to my boss about it today but instead was at home taking kiddo to the doctor. He had a fever Tuesday night and yesterday we were home, he complained still this morning though his fever was gone. I tried to get him to go to school but he said he was too sick. Now we will be home tomorrow as well. He apparently has hand foot and mouth disease. Though he only has sores in his mouth. Which makes it very hard for him to eat or drink anything. He has had quite a bit of yogurt today, is obviously hungry but everything he tries makes him cry. Except yogurt. I even made him a milkshake but he said that hurt too. I'm at a loss, and sad for him. He missed his last swimming lesson tonight.  I will be missing 3 days of work and only have two days of family leave left to use. So I don't know how that will work, never heard back from my boss today. But what bothers me most is my poor kid who is so sick, and sore. I have been giving him tylenol and advil to help with the pain, but it's hard for him to even get those down. So what do I do! Poor kid.

He had a good Halloween, lots of candy, and lots of fun handing stuff out too. He was a dinosaur at school and for trick or treating. My niece took him around to get candy. He really enjoyed it, and was at a great age to do it, everything was enjoyable and fun. He really is at a good age for a lot of things. I can't wait for his birthday party. We have it booked at A Gym Tale again, he will have to choose 7 friends to invite. It is a fun party, and super easy for  me. Just have the kids show up, bring a cake. Easy. No clean up, and they even provide food.

The toy catalogs are coming out, and of course he wants everything in them. It's pretty funny really, of course he's not getting them all. I am going to have to get him to narrow it down to only two or three things that he wants. He really has too many toys as it is. And with our big Disney trip in the planning (and being paid for) stage, I don't want to spend too much on the holidays.

My plans for a Disney cruise have changed to a just Disney vacation. We'll be there for 9 night, at Animal Kingdom Lodge in a standard room. I have 6 days at the parks planned, with some fancy character meals in there, and two days off to do other things and relax. I have booked one meal for my birthday that I know he won't be happy about, but hopefully he'll get over it.

And when we get back I am thinking of getting a referral to the fertility clinic, just to see what my odds are. Since I'll have turned 40 I'm sure they won't be that great, but who knows. I am taking a few things that are supposed to help, and working on the weight/health thing. Not going well, that weight loss bit. I am hopeful that I will be able to do it though. If I could just focus and keep on track.

And now I'm going to go to bed, since I have kiddo all day tomorrow as well, I could stay up a bit later. But I'm tired, and it's going to be a long long weekend. Without a lot of the stuff I wanted to do. Fingers crossed he's able to eat something.

A mistake?

We've had a bit of a rough weekend. Someone got up around 5:30 both mornings, much to mama's annoyance. Which led to a cranky mommy and a tired boy by the end of the day. Yesterday we went to look at a kitten. And then we brought her home. Which I'm not sure was a good idea now. Of course Jackson is quite smitten with her, and she is adorable, but I think she's just so young! There is no way she is already 8 weeks. And I'd have preferred her to be closer to 12. Why did I do it? No idea really. My two cats are not impressed, and the dog is obsessed. Little Elsa is currently spending all her time in the guest room, with the usual supplies of course, and many visits from both of us. But she is a very social little thing, wants to cuddle and follow us around. I hope it works out, but I am worried she'll have to go. And I'm not sure how to do that, whether to see if the rescue will take her back, find her a new home or what.

Jackson had a sore throat and runny nose yesterday, so we didn't spend much time outside. Today we were out in the back for a little while but not long, no trips to the park. He played with his toys, and didn't eat a whole lot. He did have a lot of freezies, Popsicle and ice cream. I hope he is feeling better tomorrow. Though I wouldn't mind missing a day or two of work. I think we would drive each other crazy being home again. And if he is well enough to want to be a the park, then he is well enough for daycare and school.

Work is a bit frustrating, my boss announced he is looking for a change. So we'll be getting a new manager. I have never had a manager move on before, usually I move before they do or the teams are shuffled somehow. But in this case he is looking to move and we are just going to deal with it. I like the man, he is great, though he is very disorganized, and seems constantly overwhelmed with his job. I think he's been doing this particular job for too long. Of course I am worried about who will replace him, always a risk.  I much prefer to choose the job and my manager than have it forced upon me. The work itself isn't bad, just need some direction, half the time I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction. I feel like that in my whole life sometimes. But then I remember my little boy, and I know it will be ok in the end. 

Worry and what if

I go for my surgery on Friday. I'm a little worried about it. I know it's a simple procedure and laproscopic, and supposed to be quick and easy really.  But I'm still worried, I mean they knock you out for it, and they take a piece of me out!  I am sure it will all be ok, but when you have a kid, these things worry a mother. I am very glad that my parents are coming to take care of the kid, while I'm recovering at least, and to take me to the hospital and all that. At least it's a day procedure, so I'm not there over night or anything. I can't handle that again! Not right now any way.  It does remind me that if I do have another baby, I will likely have to stay in the hospital for a few days, at least it was a week last time. I talked to a friend who has had the same surgery done, she said it was an easy recovery and I don't need to worry. So I do feel better knowing that.

I am kind of excited to get started. But I know I need to recover from surgery, and lose some weight first. I need money too. I know I'll get a tax refund at the end of February, which should be enough to get started. I turn 39 in February too.  I will go for a referral then, and go from there.  I imagine it will take awhile to get to be seen by the clinic, and then tests and what not. So probably not until May or June will I get to try. Until then I am temping, and will use some ovulation tests to see if I am doing that. Not this month though, the surgery will likely mess things up as the hospital stay did.

There are moments when I wonder if I can do it. Moments when my kid drives me nuts, when he is just too much for me, when I cannot take one more whiny moment. But the good outweighs the bad, and he is a good kid 90% of the time. I have other moments when I really wish I'd done something sooner, so they'd be closer in age and better able to play together. But I also think it will be nice to have Jackson in school while I'm on mat leave with baby. I think that will be ideal really.

We put up the tree this weekend, Jackson really enjoyed decorating it, so the bottom half looks fabulous and loaded with ornaments. The top half that I did is a little less done. But over all it is quite pretty and I'm glad it's up and decorated. I would normally wait until December 1st at least but with me not able to get it up the stairs then I figured it had to be now.

I'm ready for the surgery. Well sort of. I don't know really. I hope I am. I know I need to do it, and I will feel better once it's done. Then the real work begins.

Second thoughts

I'm having my gallbladder out Nov 29th. Quick. Two weeks away. I'm anxious to have it over with, but also scared. Though I've heard it's not that bad, and recovery is pretty quick. It will be nice to not have another attack. Once it's done, I hope I'm able to eat a better diet, more variety. I will also try and focus on losing weight. I'm not allowed to lift anything over 10lbs for a month, so exercise will be limited I guess, walking should be ok I hope.

And then I think I am going to try for a second. I'm not entirely sure why, I mean by the time I'm able to try and have a second, Jackson will be almost 6. I will be 40. But I still want to try. It will be hard, and I know my parents will freak out, but I can't not try.  Jackson has been talking about being a brother, and asking for a baby. Not that having a second child is up to him of course! But at least right now he's not against the idea.

So I have a plan. Right now I will start temping again, to see if I can figure out my cycle. It's been messed up the past few months, getting shorter, and of course this month it's back to "normal" so what gives?  Annoying!  I will be good about taking my multi vitamin, and vitex, hopefully also the fish oil/omega 3's. In February, a few months before I will ask to get a referral, I will start taking CoQ10.  I have to investigate what else might help. I've heard evening primrose, but I don't think it would help my particular situation.  I will be cutting grain and sugar after my surgery, not right away though, but by January for sure. I hope to go for the referral in May, and I think it takes a couple months to get seen at the centre, plus the testing, so I'd be aiming to actually try in July or August. I will probably only do 4 tries, if that doesn't work then so be it.

I will keep looking at other ways I can get healthier, have better eggs.  I'm willing to try massage, accupuncture, seeing a naturopath, chiropractor. I think all of those are covered by my health care, but need a prescription for the massage at least. Shouldn't be too hard to get one I think.

It's a little sad that I got rid of all of Jackson's stuff. I still have only a few things, his baby bath, his infant car seat (which may be expired!), a small bin of clothes, a handful of cloth diapers no one would buy, and a few sheets and blankets for a crib.  I'll have to budget for all of the replacement stuff for sure. Shouldn't be too bad though, I am a much better shopper now, taking advantage of point plans, coupons, deals, sales, and even knowing that some brands are the same as the generic. I'd also use cloth from much earlier.

So yeah, I've changed my mind. Not sure why really. I can't quantify it or justify it. But I am happy with the plan, and better follow through.

A sick boy

Last night Jackson woke up around midnight crying, so I of course went in to check on him. He felt a little warm, and I knew it was going to be bad news come morning! I was right, a minor fever and a runny nose. I asked him how he felt, he said he was sick so I called everyone to say he wouldn't be there, I wouldn't be at work. And voila! A day home with a little boy. We went out this morning to pick up some more juice and chicken noodle soup. His fever seemed to go away, but as the day went on it got worse. He complained I hurt him when I was moving him, which I think was really just fever aches. Of course he refused all medicine and just kept asking to go outside to play... umm no! So now he's in bed asleep already. Poor kiddo. He finally took some ibuprofen to help the fever, and hopefully help him sleep. I feel somewhat certain we'll be home again tomorrow, and if so I'll take him to the doctor to get checked out, though I'm pretty sure it's a cold/flu thing, you just never know!

We've been having some stress in the house. Issues with the dog, who bit a little girl. I say bit because that's all you can say to describe it but the girl walked into the house uninvited and the dog charged at her, she ignored the barking and growling, you know "oh a doggy!", so he snapped at her and nicked her nose. Well she had a scratch on it after about 10 minutes any way, I assume it was him. So he has been quarantined, and I've been struggling to deal with the what to do about him. We are seeing an amazing dog behaviourist on Sunday to have him evaluated and I'll go from there. But it's been stressful, and of course no walks means the dog is even more nuts than he usually is.

And money. I am having some serious money issues and I'm not sure why. I make a good salary, though I know my rent is higher than last year, and I guess that's it. It seems like I will never get ahead, no matter what I try. But all I want is to buy stuff, things, go on a trip, do stuff. It sucks. I know it will get better someday, it has to. Right now though, I wonder what I'll do for the next two weeks to make ends meet.

The neighbours

We are settled in the new house, and it's starting to really look good, and be good to be here.  I have a raised garden bed in the back, that I still need to fill with soil, and got a sandbox, BBQ and everything put together.  Jackson likes playing out front best though.  The weather has finally gotten nice and Jackson likes to be out there where the neighbours are playing.  The funny part is they are all moving away. We'll have new neighbours and I hope that they have kids his age, the 3 closest houses to us will be all new people by summer, if they sell and rent that is. 

It is funny to watch Jackson play out there, the kids will bring their things over to the driveway and drop them, so he grabs them to play with. The kids try to reclaim them and he'll say they were done so it's his turn.  These are the daycare rules of play.  He doesn't understand that somethings belong to people and they don't want to share them.  We try to discuss it but he is pretty stubborn.  The one neighbour gave us a scooter and a blue push car that Jackson loves to play with.  Very nice, I will miss them. 

Of course now that the weather has improved, I've caught a cold. My usual spring cold I guess.  No it's not allergies.  I hope it gets better soon. I should have gone to bed early, sleep more. But I just really can't. I don't know why but I can't. I am worried about a lot of stuff I guess.  I am trying to fight it off, and trying to cook this week, take my lunch, eat better. All that good stuff. I have to plan my meals, and stick to the plan. I am getting the organic produce delivered biweekly which is great, Jackson loves it and so do I. 

I finally got moved at work to a window seat again. I missed it all winter, I'm sure it was part of why I was depressed.  Less sunlight. I also sit much closer to my coworkers, and have moved far from the yackers. It is a much nicer desk, glad to have it. And the work is making sense, I can do it, and fairly well too.