I'm frustrated. I took a new position at work in the fall, on a temporary basis, and I like it. There is some stuff I do not like but in general the team is good, the work is interesting, I'm learning a lot. The manager sucks, and now she has denied my request for summer vacation. The first year where if Jackson doesn't go I don't have to pay, and I can't even avoid having to pay now! I am really upset about it. Perhaps more than I should be. We will survive, but it is very annoying and now I am left scrambling to find a new position, or return to a job I don't want to do. We go away in a few weeks, and when I get back I'll have maybe 2 weeks to find something new in time to get all the paper work done. I can't see it happening. So my choices become not taking the time off in the summer, or taking my full paid vacation and using unpaid leave in the winter. Which means having to save to cover that. Missing two pay cheques at once is different than losing the pay and having it averaged out over a full year.
It really sucks. I can't believe any potential savings from no daycare or summer camps is now gone, and I have to figure out where to send him, how much it will cost, and lose out myself! Maybe I am spoiled, I enjoy spending the time together in the summer, I enjoy taking the time off work. I'm not one who loves my job. It pays the bills, it's a necessity. But as soon as I can retire I will. And honestly in a few years when Jackson is 12 or so, he'll probably be staying home alone a few weeks of the summer any way.
At least we have our trip coming in April. We are going on another cruise and spending two nights afterwards at Disney. Everything is paid for at this point except gratuities on the cruise and spending money. I will take care of that all in two weeks. Sadly the Canadian dollar has been dropping so it's going to cost me more than it would have a few months ago. My plan going forward is to get a bit every month so it's easier in future. Not that we are supposed to be planning any more trips! But I know we will. I am hoping to take another trip next February or so.This winter has been long, and we need a nice break in the middle. December was too early, April is too late. I would do one on March break but it costs so much more for flights I just can't justify the extra costs. Mind you it means he misses school and perhaps that won't be possible in another year or two.
Now I need to think some good thoughts, picture what I want and wait for the universe to provide. I know things will work out, but perhaps not in the way I would really like. I have some contacts and will be sending off my resume and interest to a few managers and directors that I know. Hopefully something good will come of it! Quickly. I could probably manage this summer but I certainly have no intention of going through this every summer. It's clear what the manager's thoughts are and though the project is where it is because of a lack of leadership, and taking 5 extra months to staff up, the staff is now paying the price. I don't think I'm the only one who may be leaving, two of the other staff are term employees looking to become permanent and they both have possible offers. Hopefully the project doesn't fail, it is a great idea and would be great if it is completed.
For now, I am planning for Easter at my parent's and then our next vacation. All while trying to network as much as possible and find a new position... and of course while doing my actual job. My boss mentioned she hopes I don't just check out and that I will keep working... who says that? Any way! Shows what type of boss she is I guess.
I wish I knew what I would really like to do with myself. I have this job that I don't love, but it has a pension plan, benefits, usually great vacation, and room to move around. But I can't find that thing that I want to do. I am 43, and I can retire at 55, though I will probably work until 57 to get the years in I need, I don't think I will do much more than that, and it all depends if I am actually able to save up extra on top of the pension, and figure out where I would want to live. Not here as the cost of living is higher than many places. I also hate winter, so a place with a nicer one, or the option to spend winter some place warmer, is a necessity. Perhaps I won't want to be too far from Jackson? I don't know. I do know that I have 12+ years to go, I'm about half way through this career.
We had a team meeting today and were talking about summer vacation plans, one of the girls mentioned she has no idea what she wants to do this summer, or any other time. I can tell you exactly what vacation I want every summer and winter for the next few years... with some variation in exact dates for the trips I want to take. I am a planner. While my plans don't always work out, I feel better having them. I have a detailed budget, I know exactly how much money I will have on any day for the next two years. And I may go ahead and do the one after that soon since it bugs me that I haven't yet. Sometimes it is a good thing, and sometimes it throws me for a loop when things don't work the way I expect.
Showing posts with label the secret. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the secret. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
Monday, December 31, 2012
New Year's Resolutions
It's that time again, the start of a new year, time to make changes and fix things, suddenly be better. It never really lasts. Last year I lost weight, and gained it back. I enjoyed my son, but fight with him every night at bedtime. I did better with money but somehow still feel like I have none. For 2013 I have a simple goal. To have better habits. This will of course be much harder than it might sound. It will mean a lot of changes, but I also know it will take time, new habits take time to form.
For instance, the only time I can really get a workout in is if I get up early enough to do it. But getting up early doesn't seem to ever happen, so I will have to go to bed earlier, and get up earlier. And for a week or so that is likely all I'll be able to do, simply get my butt out of bed in time to do a workout, whether I actually get one in is debatable for now. It will happen though, once I am used to getting up, I can do the workouts. They will be short, 20 minutes or so, at least to start with. I can do that much.
Eating better, that will require planning, and ties in with both meal planning and shopping the sales. I don't want to waste money buying stuff and not eating it, nor do I want to pay full price for things. So on Wednesday when I get my flyers I will have to go through them and plan the meals as well as the shopping, so we can get everything done on Saturday. I would like to get organic produce delivered as well, that would come on Wednesday as well, so I'd have the veggies I need for the week, and just need to get the proteins and snacky stuff. It would set the menu, or at least part of it. Also a good thing I think.
Getting chores done on Saturday would leave Sunday for me to spend with the boy, playing, getting out, doing things and having fun. I need to enjoy my son more, I feel like I spend too much time saying "no, don't do that, get off there, don't throw that" adding in now "don't sit on the kitten". I want us to get along better. I know a lot of it is me, and I need to change my habits when it comes to spending time with him, we spend a lot of it not doing a whole lot. I need to change that. He is a good kid, but like the dog, he needs more stimulation. A class or something, now that he is 3 and big boy.
Money wise, the planning of meals, and only shopping Saturday, should help. As well as using coupons and my stockpile of course. I need to save money if I am going to be able to move like I want to. So I need to plan and stick to the plan. Even the organic produce will help with the planning, since I will be spending the same every week or two weeks, and getting all the veggies we need, healthy and all that. Once we move I will be able to get a bigger freezer so I can really stockpile and cook in advance, perhaps once a month or every two weeks. As long as I stick to my budget everything will be great, and I will enjoy the raise that comes with my promotion. Hopefully we get raises negotiated soon, as well as a payout which will go into my RRSP for my home buying.
Finally, I need to sort all of this out in order to see if I can actually handle a second child. I have been unwell a lot this year, my stomach is not good, I may have an ulcer or something, perhaps it's my gallbladder, who knows. But the healthier eating and exercise should help. Also with the migraines. And I need to figure out if I can handle a second child, my temper is not the best lately, I lose it over little things. I know sleep and not being active, not eating well, is all tying in to my unhealthiness. Which makes me unable to handle one little boy who is too smart, and too active, and doesn't ever want to actually do what I ask him to. If I can't manage one child, how would I manage him while pregnant, or while dealing with no sleep and a baby? Or even a second one just like him.
My plan for the new year is simple, to get into better habits, to change the ruts I'm stuck in and strike a different balance. I may even say no TV or computer Sundays, at least while Jackson is awake. Things need to change, and now is a good time to change them.
For instance, the only time I can really get a workout in is if I get up early enough to do it. But getting up early doesn't seem to ever happen, so I will have to go to bed earlier, and get up earlier. And for a week or so that is likely all I'll be able to do, simply get my butt out of bed in time to do a workout, whether I actually get one in is debatable for now. It will happen though, once I am used to getting up, I can do the workouts. They will be short, 20 minutes or so, at least to start with. I can do that much.
Eating better, that will require planning, and ties in with both meal planning and shopping the sales. I don't want to waste money buying stuff and not eating it, nor do I want to pay full price for things. So on Wednesday when I get my flyers I will have to go through them and plan the meals as well as the shopping, so we can get everything done on Saturday. I would like to get organic produce delivered as well, that would come on Wednesday as well, so I'd have the veggies I need for the week, and just need to get the proteins and snacky stuff. It would set the menu, or at least part of it. Also a good thing I think.
Getting chores done on Saturday would leave Sunday for me to spend with the boy, playing, getting out, doing things and having fun. I need to enjoy my son more, I feel like I spend too much time saying "no, don't do that, get off there, don't throw that" adding in now "don't sit on the kitten". I want us to get along better. I know a lot of it is me, and I need to change my habits when it comes to spending time with him, we spend a lot of it not doing a whole lot. I need to change that. He is a good kid, but like the dog, he needs more stimulation. A class or something, now that he is 3 and big boy.
Money wise, the planning of meals, and only shopping Saturday, should help. As well as using coupons and my stockpile of course. I need to save money if I am going to be able to move like I want to. So I need to plan and stick to the plan. Even the organic produce will help with the planning, since I will be spending the same every week or two weeks, and getting all the veggies we need, healthy and all that. Once we move I will be able to get a bigger freezer so I can really stockpile and cook in advance, perhaps once a month or every two weeks. As long as I stick to my budget everything will be great, and I will enjoy the raise that comes with my promotion. Hopefully we get raises negotiated soon, as well as a payout which will go into my RRSP for my home buying.
Finally, I need to sort all of this out in order to see if I can actually handle a second child. I have been unwell a lot this year, my stomach is not good, I may have an ulcer or something, perhaps it's my gallbladder, who knows. But the healthier eating and exercise should help. Also with the migraines. And I need to figure out if I can handle a second child, my temper is not the best lately, I lose it over little things. I know sleep and not being active, not eating well, is all tying in to my unhealthiness. Which makes me unable to handle one little boy who is too smart, and too active, and doesn't ever want to actually do what I ask him to. If I can't manage one child, how would I manage him while pregnant, or while dealing with no sleep and a baby? Or even a second one just like him.
My plan for the new year is simple, to get into better habits, to change the ruts I'm stuck in and strike a different balance. I may even say no TV or computer Sundays, at least while Jackson is awake. Things need to change, and now is a good time to change them.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Planning for the future
We are at my parent's for Thanksgiving, so far Jackson is having a lot of fun, and hasn't had a nap. He's eating well, really well... which means he's going to grow again I guess. We went to a buffet for Thanksgiving lunch, and Jackson ate a lot of sausage, and dessert. Then we went and picked apples, he ate two on the way home. And one when we got home. He wanted more and I said no, how mean right? But I was worried he'd get a sore tummy from so much fiber!
I talked to my mom and dad about my idea to rent a nicer/bigger/better place, and they seemed supportive. At least they didn't tell me I'm an idiot lol. My mom thinks it's a good idea if I can get a single family home as it will be brighter, my main floor now only has the patio doors as windows, the upstairs is brighter but we aren't up there that much. I've been really looking at what I can get for what I can afford and there are some really nice places out there. So my plan is to move for May. When I file my taxes I should be getting back a big refund, some time late February or early March, which I can use as the first/last, and movers I can always put on the credit card if I haven't got enough saved up. Keeping in mind I won't have to pay the first month at the new place and last where I am. And May is a good time to move, not yet too hot (hopefully), and the snow all gone. It also gives me a good amount of time to save, and to clean/purge. I'll be putting quite a few things up on kijiji over the next month or so, hopefully I can sell a lot of stuff. But whatever I can't sell I will otherwise get rid of, give away if I have to.
Because I expect the move will mean not buying for at least 3 to 5 years, I should be able to try for two next fall, instead of this year, which means Jackson will be 5 but I think that's still ok. It gives me more time to save in my RRSP, and time to save for IUI etc. The better rental will also be better for another baby, and newer, nicer to boot. I'm actually pretty excited, and while I wish that I could do it NOW, of course I need to wait.
And I plan on getting at least one kitten. I will be going to the cat show in about a month and hope to see in person the breeds I'm looking for, being able to talk to the breeders and get to know the cats better. I would like to get Snickers down a few pounds first, he is very overweight, and if I could get him down 3 or 4 pounds before getting a kitten, I think the kitten then would be good exercise for him. I may get two cats, but I'm not sure on that yet. I'm leaning to getting a Tonk & Aby. Perhaps at Christmas time, but it may not be until we move into the new house.
So I have my plans for saving, my budget in place, that I have to stick to!! And if all goes well I think I will be quite comfortable and happy. I may even host an SMC get together once we get settled in a new place.
I bought some test strips, for FSH and for ovulation, I plan to use them this cycle just to see if I can get an idea of where I'm at, before going to my doctor to see if he'll run the tests. Since I don't really want to try for a year, well since I can't afford to try for another year, it makes sense to get a feel for where I'm at, and if I do in fact have time to wait. I know if things are not in my favour, I will be happy with one. But I think if I don't at least find out my status and if I can do this again, that I will regret that. So this is step one, a quick pee test, and then we'll see from there. Fingers crossed I still have some time.
I talked to my mom and dad about my idea to rent a nicer/bigger/better place, and they seemed supportive. At least they didn't tell me I'm an idiot lol. My mom thinks it's a good idea if I can get a single family home as it will be brighter, my main floor now only has the patio doors as windows, the upstairs is brighter but we aren't up there that much. I've been really looking at what I can get for what I can afford and there are some really nice places out there. So my plan is to move for May. When I file my taxes I should be getting back a big refund, some time late February or early March, which I can use as the first/last, and movers I can always put on the credit card if I haven't got enough saved up. Keeping in mind I won't have to pay the first month at the new place and last where I am. And May is a good time to move, not yet too hot (hopefully), and the snow all gone. It also gives me a good amount of time to save, and to clean/purge. I'll be putting quite a few things up on kijiji over the next month or so, hopefully I can sell a lot of stuff. But whatever I can't sell I will otherwise get rid of, give away if I have to.
Because I expect the move will mean not buying for at least 3 to 5 years, I should be able to try for two next fall, instead of this year, which means Jackson will be 5 but I think that's still ok. It gives me more time to save in my RRSP, and time to save for IUI etc. The better rental will also be better for another baby, and newer, nicer to boot. I'm actually pretty excited, and while I wish that I could do it NOW, of course I need to wait.
And I plan on getting at least one kitten. I will be going to the cat show in about a month and hope to see in person the breeds I'm looking for, being able to talk to the breeders and get to know the cats better. I would like to get Snickers down a few pounds first, he is very overweight, and if I could get him down 3 or 4 pounds before getting a kitten, I think the kitten then would be good exercise for him. I may get two cats, but I'm not sure on that yet. I'm leaning to getting a Tonk & Aby. Perhaps at Christmas time, but it may not be until we move into the new house.
So I have my plans for saving, my budget in place, that I have to stick to!! And if all goes well I think I will be quite comfortable and happy. I may even host an SMC get together once we get settled in a new place.
I bought some test strips, for FSH and for ovulation, I plan to use them this cycle just to see if I can get an idea of where I'm at, before going to my doctor to see if he'll run the tests. Since I don't really want to try for a year, well since I can't afford to try for another year, it makes sense to get a feel for where I'm at, and if I do in fact have time to wait. I know if things are not in my favour, I will be happy with one. But I think if I don't at least find out my status and if I can do this again, that I will regret that. So this is step one, a quick pee test, and then we'll see from there. Fingers crossed I still have some time.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Planning a big trip
The other day I was talking to a friend at work about my "dream board" this is a big bristol board where I put photos and copies of things I want, or want to happen. So I was adding my house, the one I found a floor plan for that I really like and is in my price range (when I get that far) and is going to be mine. He asked what else is on there, well a picture of Disney with a kid having lots of fun, the car I want, a few other things. So 30 seconds later my phone badabings at me, I have a message. We finish or conversation and I check my message. It's my sister, she thinks we all should go to Disney this Christmas. The 4 of them, my parents and me and Jackson. Huh. My friend, when I told him, said I should put winning the lottery on my board...
Now I'm in the process of figuring out if I can afford this. How much will it cost? My parent's are retired so they are in charge of researching where to stay, my sister and I think we should rent a house with a pool as it would be cheaper than staying at Disney itself. I'm sure we can find something with 4 bedrooms that would work for us. Then the flight, we can fly direct from Ottawa to Orlando which is great, I'm hoping Jackson does well on the plane, and I do. I haven't flown in a long time, and I was normally pretty good at it, never bothered me. But I have a kid now and am much more aware of what can go wrong for some reason. We also need to get passports. I wonder what that will be like, getting his picture done? I am hoping there are no issues with travelling with him, there is no father listed on the birth certificate so I don't think it will be an issue, I will of course take the birth certificate as well as the passport just in case. I do not want any issues!
I think it will be a lot of fun. Of course it has made me have to change my baby 2 plans. This cuts into the budget I was working on for that, and timing wise I don't want to be just after an IUI or first trimester and going on this trip. So I will have to consider all of that.
Now I'm off to put my head on a photo of someone winning the lottery and getting the giant cheque for $50 million... wish me luck ;-)
Now I'm in the process of figuring out if I can afford this. How much will it cost? My parent's are retired so they are in charge of researching where to stay, my sister and I think we should rent a house with a pool as it would be cheaper than staying at Disney itself. I'm sure we can find something with 4 bedrooms that would work for us. Then the flight, we can fly direct from Ottawa to Orlando which is great, I'm hoping Jackson does well on the plane, and I do. I haven't flown in a long time, and I was normally pretty good at it, never bothered me. But I have a kid now and am much more aware of what can go wrong for some reason. We also need to get passports. I wonder what that will be like, getting his picture done? I am hoping there are no issues with travelling with him, there is no father listed on the birth certificate so I don't think it will be an issue, I will of course take the birth certificate as well as the passport just in case. I do not want any issues!
I think it will be a lot of fun. Of course it has made me have to change my baby 2 plans. This cuts into the budget I was working on for that, and timing wise I don't want to be just after an IUI or first trimester and going on this trip. So I will have to consider all of that.
Now I'm off to put my head on a photo of someone winning the lottery and getting the giant cheque for $50 million... wish me luck ;-)
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The secret
There's a quote I've always liked. I have no idea who it's by so apologies to the original author. The quote goes:
For now I am happy being a mom, loving being a mom, adoring my little man who is my sunshine.
What your mind can conceive and believe
You can achieve
Or at least that's how I remember it. I've always liked it because it means, to me at least, that what I really want, and believe in, will happen. There are times in my life when I've forgotten this, when I've believed that I am doomed and a failure, that I am worthless and hopeless. But eventually I remember again.
The winter before I conceived my son was a bad one. I was depressed for many reasons and felt like life was nothing, there was nothing worth living for. I had no love life, no really good friends, no children, just a dog and two cats. A friend at work, an acquaintance really, told me about this video, The Secret, and loaned it to me.
I won't say that I totally believe it, but I do think there is power in positive thinking. I watched the video, and that quote I like was in it. How neat is that? Seeing that again reminded me that I am strong, that I have the power in me to have the life I want, if I can decide what that life should look like. It lifted the darkness from me, and I acted. I got a vehicle. I had given mine up when I moved in with my ex, because we couldn't afford 2, and when he left, taking his car that I paid for, I was stuck on the bus all the time, and with crappy credit that wouldn't let me get a car loan. All those places that say "we'll finance anyone!" yeah, except me lol. I did manage to find a place, and got some wheels! You don't want to know the interest rate... So I got moving, and was able to get out, which was great. It made a difference.
I won't say that I got the car (actually it was a minivan) because of my belief that I could, but it pushed me to look for options. To search for any place, and to call and put myself out there. I could have given up, but I didn't. I got a lot of no's before I found a yes.
The same thing applies now. I want a house. I want another baby. I won't give up until I find a way to get these things. I will search for my options, and work at making my dreams come true. I will also listen to my dreams, and to my heart. I believe strongly that my mind shows me things in my dreams that mean something, whether it's how to work out a problem, or how to place the sofa :-)
Don't get me wrong, I am also a planner, I plan things out in detail, step by step. I like to know what's next and if I'm on track. But sometimes I see a way to take a shortcut, or to change the steps. And I am flexible enough to do that. So dream it, plan it, and achieve it. And be flexible enough to change mid-way.
So what is the picture of my ideal life? The one I'm working towards. I think I still need to clarify some things, decide. Do I want to live in the suburbs or in the country? Do I want to have one more child or two? Do I want to look into adoption as an option? When do I want that child? Do I need the promotion at work to do this or should I accept the job I have and just leave that alone? Should I try dating? I think once I know the answers to those questions, and a few more, I'll be able to solidify my plans.
For now I am happy being a mom, loving being a mom, adoring my little man who is my sunshine.
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