A Vacation

 We have been back a few weeks already but we went on a cruise at the end of May. It was nice, I enjoyed not having to cook or clean, but it feels like we didn't really go. I also feel we didn't take full advantage of the time on the ship. Jackson watched a lot of videos on his phone, and we spent more time in the cabin than we used to. Part of that was avoiding too many people, and part was something else I think. 

The trip was nice, we drove down the day before, drove to the port, and drove home the day we got off. It wasn't too bad of a drive, I didn't know there were so many hills in that area, and the bridges to cross the border were really big and tall. It was nice to drive and not have to worry about timing of flights, but the drive home was tiring for me. It helped when I found some music to listen to. It is too bad Florida is so far to drive, but there is no way I could do that much driving. 

The cruise itself was good, it was different than pre-Covid in some ways, the menu wasn't quite as varied, the service a little slower in some places. The ship itself was very big, and the cabin was nice. We had a view of the inside of the park instead of the ocean. It was nice but we did miss the ocean view. The waterslides were a bit slow, and Jackson didn't seem to want to enjoy them. I am not sure what happened, he didn't want to make friends at all. He wanted me to go on them with him, while I would have much rather sat on a chair and watched while he went. I was also surprised he didn't want to do the rock climbing or zipline on the ship. We played a lot of mini golf though. 

The view from our cabin

We had 3 port stops but only got off the ship in two. Coco Cay was a lot of fun. I spent a fortune and we went to the waterpark area. We spent the day on the waterslides, I did the tallest slide once, and kiddo did it many times. We also swam in the ocean but hadn't taken our snorkels off the ship. It was still fun, and we had a good time. But oh we got burnt! We reapplied sunscreen multiple times but still ended up quite red. 

Nassua was ok. We went to Blue Lagoon Island but it was changed from the morning to afternoon and while I had thought we would be able to leave when we wanted but that turned out to not be the case. We were ready to go back after a few hours, but we couldn't. So we found a quiet spot and relaxed, kiddo in a hammock and I sat on a lounge chair. The boat ride back was nice enough, the captain told us a lot of stories about the fancy houses we were passing. We ended up being late for dinner, didn't even have time to shower so we were salty and sandy. I would do something different in Nassau next time. 

Relaxing in the shade

The timing of the trip was interesting. In late April my manager told us he was leaving the team. He asked me to act for him for two weeks in early May and then the new manager would start. So she started and was there for a week before I left on vacation. It was a good timing for her to really have to learn everything. When I returned, she told me that my team had really sung my praises (which was nice to hear) and that I am an asset to the team. She has really been good for the team, she has picked up on a lot of things without anyone saying anything. I will stay in my job for the summer at least. I am in a process for a position a level up, I write a test Monday to get into that pool. I hope it will lead to a higher level job, the raise would be nice, especially with all the costs for things going up.

Jackson hasn't been back to school since March break. They keep trying but he keeps refusing. So I am not even sure what to do at this point. The school year is almost over. I wish he'd at least go get his locker stuff, it sucks that I'll need to buy new stuff and he'll need to memorize a new lock for next year. He says he will go next year, I hope that is accurate. I know he is anxious about it now, and avoiding it is terrible for him. I also know it's not a fight I can win. I hope the summer will be good for him, and that his friends will actually go OUTSIDE and do stuff. They are all online way too much. No one likes to do anything active. Hopefully that will change when the weather is nicer. At least he is still in contact with friends from school. 

I have been feeling off, physically, mentally. Even after the trip I still don't feel fully myself. I know I am older, and at my heaviest weight ever. I don't quite know what is off, perhaps not enough sleep, worry for Jackson, worry about money, just being overweight. I have been trying to walk, to keep my steps up. I just lack motivation, the dog helps a bit, forcing me to get out. He doesn't always make me go though, sometimes we just don't. I know I should, I know it feels good when I do, why don't I? I remember whenever I get into the good habit of being active, I feel better and wonder why I ever stopped. But then I stop again. It gets too hot, or I think I can skip just this one day, and then I'm back on the couch. Perhaps someday I will get it and stick with it. Right now, walking is one thing I can do. Since eating is an issue with prices rising so much, fruits/vegetables are going up and up in price, as is everything else. I'll manage, and we'll eat of course, just perhaps not as healthy as I'd like. And perhaps not as many snacks as kiddo would like. 

Easter Weekend

 I booked a few extra days off around Easter, so have 8 days off (including the weekend). It's lovely. But of course there is still an issue with Jackson going to school. He doesn't. And he won't do the math online that I suggested either. It's very frustrating. We will probably have to go to the school, again, to meet with the VP and guidance counsellor. We went once already and he agreed to attend half the day, but hasn't done that. The one day he agreed, he ended up changing his mind after worrying it over too much. The problem for me now is it is really just frustrating every morning to not know if he'll go or not. I'm tired of him expecting ordered lunches and time to play and watch videos all day. He is still going out with friends after school, or in the evening. Which is good. I am worried he'll be far behind next year and that will lead to another year like this. I'd have no issue with simply home schooling if he'd just do the math, 30 to 45 minutes a day, and perhaps some grammar a few times a week, and make his own lunch during the week when I am working. So we'll see what they say, hopefully he can get his shoes from his locker at least, and go from there. But I will be pushing the math program at home daily. 

We are going to my sister's for brunch on Sunday, apparently to eat outside. It will be about 9 C and I just think that's cold. So not sure how long we'll stay but I am looking forward to seeing family. And having breakfast. Hopefully by Mother's Day it will be nicer out. It will be nice to see everyone. I have seen my parents a couple times but no one else really. Now that winter is over we should be able to see them more. 

We will be travelling at the end of May, cruise out of New York. We are driving there, parent's will watch the dog, niece is watching the cats. I cannot wait to go. It's been 4 years since we cruised. Disney last fall was nice but short. Even though I have to drive, I think it will be a relaxing trip. And of course it means that he'll miss another week of school. 

I've bought myself some new clothes, swimsuits, a dress, as well as some clothes for kiddo for the trip. Mine will last more than one trip I'm sure, his, probably not. I would like to go back to Disney and also go to Universal either in August or December. But I think after the cruise, we'll want to do another cruise.

All the travel, will impact moving. I still waiver on whether to go or not. It's a lot. A big choice. He has 5 years of this school left (after this year). The nice, new places do not have a cap on how much they can raise the rent because apparently there was a rule change in 2018 I didn't pay attention to. Staying here, saves money, allows more travel. But has it's downsides. I hope the landlord will do something about the deck this summer, I know supplies are expensive but it's falling apart and a safety issue for sure. I'll need to remind him this year I guess. I already hired someone to do the lawn, assuming if we do move it won't be until fall so worth it to not have to do it myself this summer. I am doing some updating but mostly things that can go with us or aren't costing a lot. Like the front entry, I'm adding some hooks because the closet is a bit of a pain to use, and then I also plan to hang a bag in the closet for the basketballs so they are up off the floor. I have a shoe rack that I bought ages ago that needs to be put together and will be nice storage. 

We may do a garage sale this summer, we have a lot to sell, but it's so much work! There is some stuff I'd like to sell online, and a few things to just get rid of. I am happy with my new TV and stand but I think my hydro has gone up because of them. I might need to look into that, figure out how to lower the hydro the TV uses. I think it's in standby mode most of the time because it's a smart tv, always waiting for me to turn it on or something. Maybe it needs to be in quiet/mute mode?

For this summer, other than the week in May, I am asking for two weeks in July and 3 weeks in August. it's a lot but I do have the time, still be able to take off over Christmas, and in April 2023 when we have two weeks of cruises booked. I've been walking again, and will keep that up over the summer. I would like to get season passes to the waterpark but they don't seem to be offering them. Hopefully that will change, I'd really like to be able to go more than once or twice, and more than that is much better to get a season pass. Or maybe we will go to Florida. I'm not sure I can drive that far, it'd take us 3 days I think, I doubt I could drive more than 8 or 10 hours a day, New Jersey is 7 hours so we'll see after that I guess! But kiddo hate to fly. We could just do another cruise from New York, I do have one booked for August but we can't afford what I booked, not with having to pay it off now. So maybe look at something else that is cheaper. But Universal, oh I want to go there! And back to Disney, because that's home. I need a raise :-)

Actually I may get one, I am in a process for a higher level position, and so far that's a good thing. My manager has also mentioned possibilities of a higher level position where I am, depending on how things go. I am hopeful something will pan out for me. I know the union is also negotiating, so that will lead to some back pay and raise again someday. 

Overall, life is better now that the snow is gone, but I am still anxious for even warmer weather. And also for our trip. I cannot wait to get away. It is going to be so much fun, and I just hope that I am able to do everything I want to do on it. And that the drive isn't too bad. We will miss the cats, as always, but it will be nice to get away. Jackson wants to eat taco bell on the way there, and I think we'll go to Applebee's for dinner, they don't have that here. And iHop for breakfast before the cruise, they don't have that here either. The hotel does have a pool, but it being later in May I am not sure we'll be able to swim, it may be too cold. I am sure it will be a nice night, I'll get a good sleep before the cruise. We also plan to check out the Liberty State park to see the statue of liberty before the cruise, just from a distance, we won't be doing a tour or anything. It's the one thing Jackson really wanted to see. I believe we can also see the Manhattan skyline from there so I am excited to see that. 

Wow it's March!

 I can't believe it's March already. This year is flying by. So far it's going ok. Things are starting to open back up, so at least in terms of restrictions, things are getting better here. Jackson goes for his booster shot this Saturday, I wanted to get it as soon as possible so he is well protected as they remove restrictions. He won't have to wear a mask at recess, though he said he might still any way.

School. What a disaster, he's really only going because he has basketball tryouts going on this week, otherwise it is a struggle to get him there twice a week. I feel like this is such a wasted year. I wonder if we should have just stuck with homeschooling and been done with it. At least then I also wouldn't have to drive much in winter! I've been getting most things delivered and avoiding driving and being out as much as possible. I am really looking forward to spring though, and hopefully then going to stores again. Things are all frightfully expensive. Everything is going up so much! I'm trying to eat better, trying to do keto actually, but it can be expensive. I suppose that will help me cut back on how much I eat, as well as the carbs involved. 

Work is frustrating, I feel like I'm always being asked to do things without anyone understanding what's involved. It's getting a bit much, but I applied on a higher level process so if I get into that pool, hopefully it will lead to a promotion and then I guess I can't complain if they ask too much of me. That is the difference really. I'm not at a level where I should be the go to for other managers to ask questions. It is nice to be needed, but also too much at times. My team is growing, we are hiring more people to do the work and it's my job to set up who will do what, and ensure they are trained. 

We have a trip planned for May. I cannot wait. It's a cruise from Bayonne, we may drive. I currently have flights booked but may move those flights to something else, or who knows. We also have a cruise booked for August but I'm not sure if we'll do it or not. If we do, I may rebook it in a lower cabin to save some money. We'll see. Living through another winter here I would prefer to travel in winter and just stay home in summer, but you can't cruise to Bermuda in winter, and New York would be more fun in summer I think? Maybe any way. We could add a few days to the cruise in May in order to see New York some. Again, we'll see. 

I'd still like to move as well, but there are some good things about here, the cost for the biggest thing. And all the space. But oh I need to declutter and redo somethings. I want to get rid of some of the furniture, replace a few things, just update it to what I would actually like. I did buy a new TV stand with an electric fireplace in it, and a bigger smart TV that I am loving. It's even controlled by voice which is crazy. I'd like to get rid of my couch, keep the loveseat and a comfy chair, maybe add a new chair in the modern style I like. Also the table and chairs, it's a nice set but we never really use it. I could maybe sell it and we have a small white table that was used as a desk, buy a couple new chairs and voila! All the places we are looking at moving to have islands and I'd just prefer to eat there than also have a table and chairs. So it would make sense. I'm waiting for spring. Once the weather improves it will hopefully be easier to clean up a few things, donate them maybe. I don't really know at this point, the thought of it all gets overwhelming. At least some things are looking better. 

Although I have little choice in this any more, I am mostly ok with only have one child. Mostly but not completely. I have moments of grief, of regret, of wondering if it would still be possible. I can totally say I regret not moving forward when I was 41, regardless of what was going on. And that covid made travel so much harder so donor eggs became impossible for me too. I wish that right now I had two kids upstairs, or even sitting here with me. I wish that things were different. But I am also not sure I could do another round of elementary school. That place we horrible for him and me really. High school isn't proving to be that much better, but at least it's not as bad. And I have hope that it will improve when restrictions are lifted even more. I am 47 now. I know other women have had kids at this age or even older, but were they already menopausal? I haven't had a period since August 2019. There is no doubt my eggs are gone and my reproductive time is done. My son is 12, how much longer will he even be here with me? And then? I guess then I can do as I please, though what that will mean I have no idea. 

Goodbye 2021

 The past two years have been trying. I know we are much better off than many people, I didn't lose my job and have been able to work from home, kiddo was old enough to get vaccinated sooner than later, we managed to do well in the big picture. But oh it has been trying. Homeschooling did not go very well really, but when he finally went back to school it didn't last as long it should have. He has been missing a lot of days. I hope that he will get back when it starts back up again. Ontario has delayed that by two days, I'm not sure what that is supposed to do but there it is. I have to get back to work on Tuesday and we'll have to get back on a proper sleep schedule before then. Staying up late and sleeping in isn't the best, but sleeping in sure is nice. 

Christmas was quiet, we stayed home as my sister didn't want to hold a get together. There were a few presents, just enough I think. And we'll end up with just over two weeks of vacation, at home. Together. Just the two of us. That is one thing that I wish would get better. He has many anxiety issues that he refuses to address, and I can't help with when he won't let me. So there is no going to play with friends or even being able to play online with no monitor. We need to work on that, so he can go to school without worrying, and eventually be able to fly again without getting sick. Since he refuses to actually speak to the psychologist himself it becomes more difficult, I have to get him to listen to the advice coming from me. I wish he'd just go to one or two sessions himself, perhaps he'd find it helpful and want to continue on himself, leaving me out of the middle of it. Any way. We will work on this and hopefully he'll be able to go on whatever trip we have next, and go to school everyday. 

I wish we had moved, it would be nice to be a nice new place, but we've saved some money, which we've then spent on eating out (or ordering in I guess) and going on the quick trip to Disney. I am very glad we went on that, even though it's hard to remember it at all. Given the current variant, and everything else, I am worried we won't be able to cruise in March. As much as I really want to cruise. I guess we'll have to see, still have a few weeks to decide on what to do. My landlord is raising the rent, which is fair, and it's still lower than any comparable place nearby. It's hard in this area if I want to keep him in the school. 

Olaf is adorable, and quite a handful. He is doing better with the other cats. He gets along with the dog. Still has to sleep in his room most nights, he is just a lot at night and chases poor Elsa from my room which isn't fair to her. Hopefully he'll be good in a few more weeks, and we'll keep trying. He naps on the couch with KitKat now at least, and sometimes Snickers, but everyone loves Snickers. I love all the pets, they are all so cute and make me smile. 

A new year starts tomorrow. What will 2022 bring? No real ideas, I hope we get to travel again, I hope covid goes away or at least we learn to live with it more than we have been, no more lock downs. We are both vaccinated, I've been boostered as well. I am glad I'll still be able to work from home, I hope Jackson will get back to school and continues to do well. I need to cook more, buy less, declutter more, replace a few things, stick to a budget and move more. A lot more. 

I hope we are able to get away for March break, and in August. Perhaps we will move, but that's not a guarantee at all. Losing some weight would be nice, the moving more will help with that I think. And hopefully that will help with snoring, and energy. I should keep a better sleep schedule as well, and would like Jackson to have a better one as well. 

In the end, it will be another year, they continue on. 

A quick vacation

 With so many changes to travel, and the US requiring vaccination to travel there (but not recognizing my mixed vaccines as vaccinated, at least originally) I decided to plan a quick trip to Disney for the end of October. The plan was to get a second dose of Pfizer so I'd be considered vaccinated, and thus able to travel once those rules were in place (and to cruise as well). Turns out, I didn't need to, but by the time those rules were updated, our trip was well booked and within a few days so... we went for it. 

We flew to Orlando on Oct 25, what a mess that was! Our flight was delayed almost 2 hours due to security/customs problems in Toronto. We did make it, very late. We still went to Epcot, and kiddo rallied for the food. We enjoyed food/wine well the food any way, and a couple rides. It was a short evening and we went back to the hotel to swim before bed. We stayed onsite, at Pop Century, and it was fun to ride the skyliner and be back at our happy place. Kiddo still has serious anxiety over flying, and throws up constantly. I mean he started before we even got in the car to head to the airport. Coming home was even worse, and such a long day, but our next trip at least has direct flights so that will be a big help I think.

We went to all the parks, had a great time, did all the rides we like and it was only busy our last day. We still got to ride lots and of course we ate a lot. Kiddo eats more than I had budgeted for so that was a bit of a problem, but we'll manage to get it figure out and make up for that now. We had a lot of fun, though it is hard to believe we haven't even been home a week yet. It feels like we never even went, and is a bit of a strange situation to me. I hope our next trip, which will be longer, will be something I feel better about afterwards.

We got back on Halloween and Jackson was feeling too poorly to trick or treat, so no candy at this house! Probably a good thing. I do think I lost a few pounds while there from all the walking, and trying to eat smaller kid meals myself (to save money and it was just too hot to eat much some days). I did have a few adult drinks, which I must say was kind of nice, I never do that at home, but it was nice to have something fun and certainly helped me relax a little bit at some times. 

Of course Jackson has a stuffy nose and seems to have caught something, I just can't imagine where or what. We were tested for covid before flying home, and wore masks and used lots of hand sanitizer the whole trip. The day we flew home we were masked for 12 hours or so in airports and flights. I haven't taken him for another covid test, yet. If it continues or gets worse I will. I wasn't feeling the best yesterday but am much better today so it may have been stress related. Work has been incredibly frustrating lately, with a few team members leaving in short order and no one fully trained to replace them so work is taking a lot longer to do. I hope that will improve soon. Thought this coming week will be hard, I got called for Jury Duty (!!!!) Tuesday, and am off the rest of the week as well, so I only work Monday, which may cause some extra stress for my team mates, which will worry me. Any way. I am sure it'll all be fine and hopefully I get excused from Jury Duty in short order. Since I have no faith at all in the justice system, and am single mom to a young child (is he still considered young at 11? I think so), I hope it will be a quick conversation and they'll let me leave. I hope it isn't an all day thing. I get a panic attack just thinking about it, so am trying not to dwell on it at all.

We are still hoping to move in the spring, but I am not sure about costs and all of that. I will have to wait and see how much we spend on the March Break cruises, flights for that are already booked at least and the pay in full date got moved to 30 days before the cruises, so mid-February, which gives me some time to save up a bit more and, perhaps, enjoy Christmas. Though I am not keen to over spend on anything right now, and the whole supply chain issues, from groceries to stuff, is obviously going to be a problem. Prices keep going up, even the dogs food has increased quite a bit, never mind the cats food. And we need a new cellphone plan, Jackson's phone is broken, and our plans are at the two year mark shortly so I want to get us new phones, and a new provider. Our current one rather sucks in coverage, so a new one would be good. I hope so any way. I know we still have to pay to the end of the contract, late November, but that is sooner than you think. 

Any way. We had a great trip, I hope I can buy the pictures next week but we'll have to see, and I do hope we haven't caught something bad. We are both vaccinated so I am not worried about dying or something, just inconvenience. In any case, life goes on and I am glad we were able to travel and get back to some sort of normalcy. It can only improve from here. 

The last summer hurrah

 Soon it will be back to school. We are hopeful it will go well, and I am really hoping kiddo stays and doesn't let his anxiety overwhelm him. I think he is looking forward to it to a certain extent, at least seeing his old friends and playing at lunch, doing sports as well. The summer weather has cooled, but it's still pretty nice. Yesterday we took the day and went back to the water park, it was a lot quieter than when we went at the start of summer. We had a lot of fun, went on quite a few slides, and he had a lot of fun doing certain ones over and over with little wait. My feet and calves are so sore today from all the walking and stairs. We also got a little sunburned. But it was a super fun day. 

Now we have a few more days, and then it's back to it! I have the first couple days off when he goes back, so I'll be taking him to school those days. I also have some errands to run, and cleaning to do. His room will get a deep clean, he has been keeping it a bit tidy but things get messier over time and it seems to be where water bottles to go to get lost. I look forward to getting things clean and sorted, his room and the main living space. I need to make room for a cat wheel. When we got Olaf, our new bengal, and with our other cats, a cat wheel seemed like a good investment. Hopefully it'll fit in here somewhere. I may have to get rid of a few more things, I had planned to sell some of the toy storage so just need to actually try and do that. 

I think we will move in the spring, depending on how winter goes. Over the winter I will probably try and replace a few things, get rid of others. I'll need to keep distracted from the fact I probably won't be able travel for awhile still. This whole mixed vaccine thing is just making me upset. No one even bothers to make it look like they are doing anything to help. I am worrying about our March break cruises, and if we can't do them then I don't know what we'll be able to do instead, because I really must get away this winter. We will both be vaccinated and I just can't imagine we won't be able to finally travel. Even at the water park yesterday he was saying how much he can't wait to travel again. We miss cruising. I have a lot of vacation banked to use, just need to be able to travel!

Work has been busy, I covered for my boss for a couple weeks, that was too much. I have no desire to be a manager. At all. Now it's back to it, as people wind down their holidays and we move into a busy fall. One team member is leaving so it's the time to shuffle things and Lean the process. I am very excited, and know my manager is behind me. The changes are small but with a big impact. I do love Lean and getting rid of unnecessary steps. I feel like I'll finally be able to get this work into shape so anyone can step in and do the job. For now I am not looking to change positions. They are still allowing us to work from home, and I hope that I will be able to continue doing so forever. If the current boss has a problem with it, I will likely look for something else that will allow it. 

Visiting the doctor

 Summer is well underway, we've had HOT temperatures and then a few colder days, and now back to the heat. This week is vacation for me, along with next week. Sadly it's been pretty crappy so far. Our plans got torpedoed by a strange bump on Jackson's cheek, near his ear/jawline, that gradually became a swollen cheek. It started Monday, Tuesday I called the family doctor but was told he couldn't get a phone appointment until Wednesday. I called Wednesday at 8 when they opened and got an appointment to talk to the nurse practitioner at 9:15, sent some pictures and waited. At 9:30 we talked to her, answered questions and they set up an appointment to see the doctor (not his, he is on vacation this week as well). Went at 5:15 for that, apparently by then he had spiked a fever which made them give me dirty looks, well gee, it's likely an infection which tend to come with fevers so maybe prescribe some antibiotics so we can get that started? Nope, sent us off to the children's hospital. 

We went home to let the dog out since I knew it would be a long time sitting there, and off we went. By the time we got there, and parked, and found the doors, it was 6:45. We stood in line to get triaged, which was well over 30 minutes, they gave him a dose of advil for the fever, and sent us to the waiting room. We found seats and then waited. And waited. At 10:30 they put us in a room to see the doctor. I guess there was only one working because it was about 1 AM before we saw him. He did what the other doctor did, until I asked him about the ultrasound we were supposed to be there to get, and he kind of went "oh, ok, since that's why you are here". Couldn't see anything. Gave us a prescription, tried to give him a dose of antibiotics there but Jackson was throwing up by that point so I just took it home. He threw up before we got into the emergency room, and again after the doctor checked him out. And again in the car on the way home. By then it was all anxiety and worry, the family doctor told him he might have to do a covid test and he was very worried about that. So far we haven't had cause to be tested, and he wasn't there either. 

All to say, it was 8 hours from arriving at the hospital to getting home after 2 AM. Very tired but also wired and unable to really sleep, and hungry since we didn't have dinner. This all meant we didn't go to the water park again as we'd planned, and our trip to Toronto next week was iffy, but he really wants to go so I didn't cancel it. Now we hope for nice weather and the antibiotics to work. The swelling is coming down, he no longer looks like half a chipmunk, but he is still having trouble eating because it "feels weird". 

I have to say, I was unimpressed with the whole thing, this visiting the doctor in the age of Covid is really irritating. I also feel bad, I should have taken him to the hospital on Monday or Tuesday when it started. But there is nothing there, no marks, no obvious injuries or infections. I guess we'll never really know what caused it but I have said maybe we need to focus a little more on tooth brushing than we have been, and get some mouth wash or something to help? I don't know. 

At least he's been good about the antibiotics, reminds me when it's time for his mid day dose. Today I had a very bad migraine and was very out of sorts. Tomorrow we have no real plans, will probably do some cleaning and reorganizing. Sunday we go to my parents to drop off the dog and then Monday morning we head to the Toronto Zoo, followed by some shopping, time at the hotel (hope we can go swimming) and Tuesday to Wonderland. Which I hope goes well and the weather cooperates. Wednesday we go back to my parents to get the dog and come home. If he's feeling better we'll see about the water park on Thursday or Friday. I don't really want to go on a weekend if we can avoid it. And this is it for summer holidays, I didn't take a month off like I used to. 

I am really looking forward to the time away, even if we have to wear masks and I have to drive in Toronto. It has been a long time, we went there for one night last year but even less was open. I can't wait to be able to travel again. Though I have mixed dose vaccines so am not even sure when I'll be allowed to. Jackson will get his vaccines in December at the latest (depends when they approve for 5 to 11 year olds) and be all set. We have a Disney trip booked that I will cancel at some point, and cruises for March break, which may not happen. I may just book Disney for that time in case we can't cruise because of my vaccines. I am hopeful everything will be sorted by then. What is the point of getting vaccinated if life doesn't open up at least a bit? At some point we have to learn to live with this new disease. But I will get him vaccinated before we do anything too crazy. 

Summer

 The weather has been interesting so far this summer, between the crazy hot days and then cooler rainy ones. It's all over the place, but generally hot. I am glad the AC got fixed! So far we haven't done a whole lot, things are just reopening, with Ontario moving to phase 3 soon. We went to the waterpark yesterday and had a lot of fun, even though it was a mess. There was a problem with the pH and so slides weren't open. We did most of what we wanted to do, and had fun, I really do enjoy the lazy river, and he loves the wave pool. Those we were able to do a lot. It was nice to be "normal" but also strange because no one was social distancing, so I feel like we can't go anywhere or do anything for at least a week to make sure we didn't catch anything.

We have plans to go to Toronto for a couple nights in early August, we'll go to the Zoo for a day, then stay in a hotel near Wonderland for two nights, spending one full day there. I splurged on Fastlane, and also the meal and drinks for the day. So most everything is paid for, for that day at least. I will have to still pay for food at the zoo, and get parking there, but those tickets are bought already as well. It should be fairly open by the time we go. I believe the hotel we're staying at has a free breakfast, though I don't expect it to be much. It will just be nice to do something!

I changed all my cruises and trips around. With all the questions regarding vaccinated/not vaccinated I wasn't sure by December we'd be ok with the changes so I moved the RCL to March break and added a short 4 night cruise to that, and the Carnival to Dec 2023. So we have 6 cruises planned to the end of 2023. Plus a week at Disney, or a little more than a week I guess. I am still not sure on that, I have it booked/planned for December but I am worried about weather, and timing, and wonder if I should move it, but where to put it that won't be too close to the other vacations we have planned. In any case, we are eager to get travelling again and look forward to things getting more back to normal. Without me having to go back to work in the office of course. 

I had one week off this summer so far, and two more coming up in August. I didn't take much time off last year, but wanted a bit of a break this year. I look forward to sleeping in, probably going back to the water park, and the Toronto trip, even though I hate driving there and am scared of the rides at Wonderland. It will be a fun time. Life it ticking back towards normal, with some things that will probably stay in this new normal zone. I am thankful to be vaccinated, and hope that the rest of the world will be able to follow. I am super proud of Canadians for getting their doses in such high numbers, and while we had a rough start to the roll out it really seems to be picking up. 

A May Vaca

 I am done work for almost two weeks! I don't have to go back until May 25th and it is so nice. Not like we can go anywhere or travel, but it sure does feel nice to not have to get up early or anything. My plans for the time off are to clean, declutter, garden and have naps :-)  Since I had planned to move, I ordered boxes and they were delivered early, so I wasn't able to cancel the order. I have to find a place to store them until we do decide to really move. I also need to get rid of so much from the basement, there are toys and all kinds of things that need to GO. I have been waiting for places to be open that will pick up donations but that seems to be a long wait. Maybe by summer. In any case, I'll put everything in the garage for now. Also have some broken electronics to go, but that is a process, can't just put stuff out at the garbage sadly. I'll need to find a place to drop it all off. Someday. 

I'm glad of the news that kids 12 - 15 can get Pfizer, can't wait for them to get to his age here. Hopefully by June but we'll see. I hope they don't only do it through the schools since he isn't registered. This will mean we should be able to travel this winter! Cruising will happen. We have two weeks booked, flights booked, hotels before and between the two cruises. Should be great. Can't wait. Looks like things are getting better on the cruise front too, masks won't be required if you are vaccinated (which we will be). I'll still do cruise sponsored excursions though. Not sure about the one we have planned for Jan/Feb, might cancel that one. I also have one booked for Aug 2022 to Bermuda! It's from New York and we'll go a few days early to see some of the city. Which scares me but I look forward to it as well. I just can't wait to travel! I had been considering going from Greece or Italy, but the long flights and expenses are higher make it less likely.

Sadly we are still in lock down so can't go visit my parents or anything fun like that. Hopefully by June we will be able to though. And by our week off in July for sure. At that point we may decide to do something more fun. I am still hoping the waterparks will be open. Even if only half the summer. I alternate between being hopeful this is all coming to an end and wondering if we'll ever be able to get back to normal. I am planning for the future though, someday we'll be able to do more. 

To move or Not to move

 I was browsing the local sites and saw that the townhomes we have wanted to move to for ages have both gone up a bit in price and almost all been rented. I also noticed that the smaller places, with no garage or storage, are also almost all taken. In a panic I asked to see them, and ended up applying to rent one of the townhomes. It is really nice with great finishes, brand new, no yard maintenance, smaller driveway I'll have to shovel, and a good size for us. But expensive. Now I am in panic mode the other way, thinking I shouldn't have done it and we should just stay here. I cannot make a decision. I've made lists of pros and cons, they are about equal either way. The difference is money (which leads to trips, eating out, etc) versus quality and "niceness". Which is more important. Surely the money makes the most sense. I know I will never buy a home, it really isn't on my radar as an option unless I win the lottery, dealing with maintenance and all of that is of no interest to me. It's a heart vs head question at this point. What my heart wants is the new place, but my head says to stay here and deal with all the issues. I have tomorrow to decide, and the decision has to be made before end of work day. 

Covid restrictions are not helping matters, they add to my stress if we do move. The current landlord will want to show the place, and I'm not sure how comfortable I am with other people coming in to see it. Plus movers, because I am not moving things myself. How does that work? I assume they have to mask and distance, but what does that mean for me being here while it's happening? Do I just wait at the new place for them to arrive with everything? Sit in my car and wait for them to finish loading everything in the truck? I'd take the dog and child to my parents. Hopefully that will be allowed by then. Since we are in full lock down until May 20th, so I can't even donate stuff now. 

We have been here 8 years, which is a long time for me. Jackson was 3 when we moved in, so we have toys and stuff from that age right up to now. Including a bit of broken electronics you can't just put in the trash. I have to go through all of it. Should be working on that now. It's overwhelming a bit. I did clean up the upstairs, 75% of it any way, and it's "ready to pack". The only things left in those spaces just need to be put in boxes, which I already have. But we have 6 weeks so we need to use some of that stuff still. I will get more done today, I need to get the garbage collected from a few areas, including stuff hidden at the back of the freezer that is no good any more. Garbage can only go out every 2 weeks, which means 3 times until we move. And I don't want food garbage sitting around getting stinky for weeks at a time. 

But if we stay, I can take my time with all of that. It still needs to be done, decluttering, cleaning, but not within 6 weeks. I wish I had more time. Ideally I wouldn't be going until August, or September. Give me a few more months to get things really organized, and save a bit more. Replace some furniture. But the clock is ticking and time is up. So it's now or never. I don't want it to be never. Even if it means we can't order in 3 times a week or travel once or twice a year, if we have to limit that to ordering in once a week and travelling every two years. It's possible. I know some of my angst is because of how well my son pushes my buttons. When he wants something and has already spent his allowance he will call me poor and stupid. And it hurts. Because we are not poor, though we don't have a lot of savings, we live a comfortable life, and he doesn't see that because he always gets what he wants. And it is hard to say no and stay strong in the constant badgering and bargaining, and just general belligerence. And so I second guess every decision I have made, and my choices. Obviously I have work to do on myself. And I will talk to my therapist tomorrow about it, I am so thankful I have her now. 

Small Steps

 Kiddo is in bed already, it's not even 8 yet. He is tired, and currently obsessed with getting 10 hours of sleep a night because that's how much a child his age should get. He looked it up. He didn't believe me when I told him. But that's ok, he believes it now. He only got 7 1/2 hours last night, and had a short nap today, maybe 30 minutes, so he has some to make up. I'm ok with it. If I can go to bed early tonight as well it will be great! 

The past couple evenings he has spent the time with me, as we used to. It is nice. He is interested in more grown up shows now, though he often watches his phone while the TV is on. We play games or he forces me to do nerf battles or play hide and seek. Well the nerf battles are all him, I hate them. We have even had dinner at the table, and he helped me cook. Not that it was much but he enjoyed helping so that was nice too. I look forward to moving and having more counter space to really cook on. 

And speaking of the moving, we found the perfect place to move to. It is further from here, about the same distance from my parents but has two master suites so Jackson is all excited to have his own ensuite. The main floor is nice and open with lots of space and a pantry, and a big breakfast bar. Even a fenced yard, which is lacking in the places near here that are also very nice. The new place is also cheaper, which leaves more money for travel and to save. So hopefully there will be something available still for May. At least with being able to work from home I don't have to worry about the commute so much. 

Ontario is in full lock down, don't leave the house unless you have to, mode. I went and picked up groceries today, the click and pick up style, and got Wendys drive thru for lunch. We made tacos for supper. He likes his nice and plain, just meat and cheese! We watched a show we can only find on YouTube, it's about this guy named Nigel who travels through time to visit dangerous seas and sea creatures, very realistic. I wish we could find the DVD. I'll keep watching for it though. 

I just want things to be back to whatever the new normal will be. With being able to travel and go places. I can't wait to get vaccinated, and for Jackson to be as well. I want to get on a cruise ship and sail away to warm lands. To eat yummy food and swim in the ocean. I can't wait. It is what keeps me going. The hope and plan that it will happen again. 

Happy Thanksgiving 2020

 What a different year this is. Normally we'd head to my sister's for dinner, or possibly my parent's. But this year, we are home. And since a big ole turkey dinner is way too much for us, when Jackson doesn't really like any of it, we will have a chicken with some gravy and he can have pasta or rice with his. Should still be yummy, but different from regular years. We did go visit my parents on Friday, before restrictions here locked up again. Considering neither kiddo nor I have been out of the house much in the past few weeks, it did feel quite safe. We won't see my sister and her family though, they are spending a lot of time up at their cottage (well brother in law and niece any way, my sister doesn't go). I think that's actually against the new rules, but I'm not going to cause them a problem over it. Just keep our distance really. 

Halloween promises to be another strange holiday, I have promised to buy lots of candy and we'll just stay home. He hasn't really got any friends to go trick or treating with at this point any way. Which is strange and interesting. He has always felt like he'll never make friends, yet he has never really had any good ones. I have suggested we could move, perhaps to a smaller town just outside Ottawa, and have a lower cost of living, more space. And he'd make new friends, though that would require him going to school. Another thing to think on any way. As long as I am close enough to go in some days to the office, eventually. I will be pushing to work from home as much as possible. At least until Jackson is a bit older, or back in school full time. I am looking at a few places, they are closer to my parents. But still rentals. And then I'm not sure if its "worth it" to move. Perhaps we should wait a bit longer, another year or whatever. Maybe someday I can buy a place, though to be honest, if I just wait until I'm retired, and he's moved out, I can get a smaller condo type place maybe? Or an RV and just drive south when it's cold. 

We watched all the Harry Potter movies, which he enjoyed. And have led to an increased desire to visit Universal Studios. Maybe in a year, or two. Probably a combo trip with our Favourite Disney. There are some new rides coming there and it is our happy place for sure. We already have two cruises booked for 2022 and 2023 so will have to fit it around those, and if we do more trips, we won't be moving any time soon! We still have to watch the Fantastic Beasts movies, but those should be coming out soon for us to watch. 

After Halloween it will be the count down to winter and Christmas. I have already told him there won't be a big birthday party this year, but that means I'll get him a proper gift instead of paying for an expensive party. We will go to my parent's to celebrate and maybe see Auntie and her family. When asked what he wants, he doesn't know besides a gaming computer. But apparently my dad may be upgrading his computer and then giving his to kiddo... that one does play the games he likes better and I think we could maybe upgrade the graphics card to help with lag as well. Then the laptop goes to my mom, or someone. 

At some point we should go for a walk in the woods to see the pretty fall colours. The weather has just been so rainy lately that I'm sure it's pure mud on all the trails. It would be nice to be out in the fresh air and enjoy some nature. The trails nearby are ok but not really nature trails at all. I am not sure Gatineau that is possible, Quebec's rates are as bad or worse than Ottawa so I don't really want to risk it. There are some trails near here, I'm not sure how busy they are, I imagine when the weather is nice they will be very busy though. 

Other than having to go for dog food next week, I should need much of anything grocery wise for at least a few weeks. That is nice, and hopefully means we won't have to head out to any stores. I'll need cat food too but that I get delivered as it's cheaper. Avoid going out much is key. Eventually things will improve again, I hope. Eventually, things will return to a more normal state, though I doubt they will ever be what they were. Some pieces of this lock down and isolation will probably continue, work from home would be great to keep going, but it would be nice to travel again. I can live with masks, if we have to, though they can be a pain at times. 

I've been reading some online, people who are all upset because of the lockdowns, and they raise some good points, that it is destroying people in poor areas, in other countries that have relied on tourism and not for profits. I see it, but I also see this disease that we know so little about, we don't know the long term impacts of people having this disease. Maybe the death rate isn't super high, but there are more and more people who are having serious long term impacts from it. People who recover, who don't have the virus any more, but are having issues with lungs, lethargy, blood clotting issues, so many health problems. And with things running rampant south of the border, I am all for keeping that closed until they get it together. The problem of course is we can't open travel to over seas without opening to the US, so we are stuck. Keep the 2 week isolation until things can be kept safer, until there is better tracking of contacts. 

I do know people who have had problems because of this lock down, because things were closed for so long. So many businesses that have closed. I am thankful that the government is at least doing something to help, that there are benefits being brought in to help people make a living wage. I hope these types of things continue, this is how Canada's universal health care started, this is how we need to continue. Yes, we pay a lot of taxes because of these things but it seems worth it to me. I don't have to worry that if I get sick, I will have a massive bill to pay because of it. When I had my gallbladder problems I didn't have to worry about my hospital stay or the surgery, it was all covered. Any way. All interesting stuff to think about. 

Epic Unschool

 It's official. I sent in a letter to the board and school to let them know I am withdrawing him from public school. I haven't heard back yet, I assume I will sooner or later. They can say what they please but I will be firm in my decision. Honestly, if this had been more of an option sooner I would have done it years ago. I was frustrated with the school since he was in grade 3 and then 4, even going back to grade 2 when I don't feel he really learned a whole lot. He has been seen as a troublemaker for standing up to the teachers and principal, which they don't like. He won't let people get away with things, even me. It is sometimes a struggle but I am learning to let it go. He is stubborn and getting to an age where these things are easier for him to manage on his own. If he doesn't want to participate then he doesn't have to. But I will also be able to do some of the things I want to do. He is old enough to be home alone for short periods, and soon for longer ones. 

Now we start with deschooling, though that is pretty much what we have been doing since March any way. We will continue with a lot of free time for him, he can let me know when he wants to learn something or has questions. I will leave some things around to help entice him to learn a few things, but it is going to be up to him. I have picked up a couple work books for helping kids with anxiety, adhd and have one on my list for a growth mindset. That is my focus for this year. Jackson is very down on himself and negative about things in general so I want to help with that. Hopefully I can manage, he refuses to speak to anyone so a therapist is not an option. 

This is going to be quite the journey I think. I feel good about it, though I am a little bit sad I will be losing out on all that alone time from when he's in school. Hopefully we can find him some activity to sign up for, I am pushing for swimming or a martial art. I think something active would be great and both of those are easy to socially distance but still hopefully he will also make some friends. I have signed up for a few facebook groups on homeschooling, unschooling, locally, provincially and world wide. Since we are stuck at home a lot, it becomes harder to meet new people.

He was playing with a friend most of last week but hasn't heard from him this weekend at all. Which has led to less activity. We have played with his nerf guns. That was a lot of running up and down the stairs! He had fun, me, less so. I am sure he'll make me do it again this evening. Tomorrow I do have to work so I am not sure what he will do. Like last week he will probably just watch videos and play Roblox and Minecraft. Hopefully his friend will be available at some point! 

I finally moved our December cruise, the pay in full date was approaching and I called to check my options. I was able to move it to April 2023, so hopefully by then we'll be able to travel! No extra fees which is great. Now we have 2 week cruises booked for Jan/Feb 2022 and April 2023. That's plenty of time for this thing to blow over a bit and hopefully get back to a more normal life. Even if it means an annual vaccine or wearing masks indoors a lot. I just want to be able to continue working from home, and we can figure out the rest from there. 

Last Day of Grade 5

Technically, school ends today. Though I think he's supposed to do work tomorrow. Considering he hasn't done anything since March, I don't think that matters. I am glad it's over though, I let it go but at least now I can officially say it's done. What the fall will bring, remains to be seen. The province has set out guidelines and we should find out in August what option our school board will choose. They are also (finally) updating the math curriculum and bringing it back to basics, this makes me so happy. I am hoping to get him to do something over the summer, but he is not me, and it isn't really likely to happen. I will keep trying though. Perhaps I can figure out the right bribe. 

But this also does mean that perhaps more friends will be available to play. He has one friend who is allowed to play, I hope they can spend more time together over the summer as well. I only have a few days off each month, I am choosing to save my vacation days for when this is all over and I can go away somewhere. Plus there really isn't a lot to do this summer, so much is not open or with a lot of restrictions. It's possible Jackson will spend a few days at my parent's at some point. 

I've been doing a lot of workouts, a lot. Walking, low impact workouts, and some new stuff. Also trying to eat healthy. It's really hard because I don't see a lot of results. I know, I am older, and my thyroid is a bit low. It's just a lot of work for little reward. I joined a group of ladies and we do a week day competition to get the most steps. Apparently I am competitive, last week I won through a lot of effort. This week is going better, so far. Next week will be hard because I have three days off, and I workout more when I work during the day. It will be hard but I will try. 

Puppy finally got his haircut, he was getting pretty hot with the heat wave we had, of course as soon as he's clipped, the temperature drops. Though that does mean both kiddo and I can go out a bit more. He doesn't overheat, and I am able to get a lot of walking in. I do hope it gets warm again, but perhaps not quite as hot as it was. At least not until the pools open again! 

Somedays I am thankful it's just the two of us, during this covid crap, it's probably easier to not have a very small kid. I will say, if I had it to do over, I would have gone for it. I wish I had. It is too late, I am 45, he's 10, and I don't have the money to do anything with donor eggs that would be needed. Plus all the travel restrictions, and I just have to give up. I don't think I have the energy or the patience. He is a lot. So much. I keep hoping things will improve, and yet they don't. It's hard, I can't understand it and I am not sure how to even handle him. I love him, he has so much potential, I do feel I made mistakes, and am not sure how to fix any of them. I wish we had a better relationship, and I really do blame the electronics so much. They damage people, and he's been on them for too much. I hope we get through this and come out with a better future. I would say though, don't wait. If you want kids, don't wait. Don't wait for it to be good timing or the perfect time or whatever. Find a way. 

Tick Tock Time

Only a couple official weeks of school, even though kiddo has not done any work since this started, he will be far behind next fall. There isn't really much I can do about it at this point. I hope he will agree to do something before school restarts but I'm not holding my breath. My dad bought him a laptop. I am not sure why, but at least he isn't using mine any more. He has it up in his room, we'll have to see how well this goes. He has a tendency to break electronics. The camera on his cellphone is cracked. I could replace the phone, I did buy a plan with it so it can be replaced twice a year, but the phone itself still works, so I'm reluctant to do so. I'm kind of waiting for something bigger to go wrong.

Ontario has moved to phase 2, and so we can expand our circle to up to 10 people, so we can officially visit my parents. We're going next weekend for Father's Day. Not sure if my sister will be there as well, I suspect she will. It will be nice to see people again. We can go for haircuts and such, but I did my own so I'll leave it at that for now. I can wait at this point. Pools aren't open... yet, but they can be so hopefully the city will get a plan out there so we can go swimming again! I know it is something Jackson really enjoys. I am hoping the water park will open this summer, but am reluctant to get a season pass, so we'll have to hope it will be easy enough to be able to go. We enjoyed it last summer, and the two at Disney as well. He does love his water slides. 

I've been doing a lot of walking, jogging and other exercise. Trying to eat better, but still haven't really lost much weight. Oh well. I am feeling better, healthier, more energy. I get up and workout before work, and also do a walk in the morning, then again either after work or after dinner, depends on how tired I am. Since I am still only getting 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night, and I really do need more. But I don't like going to bed right when kiddo does, I like a bit of me time after he's in bed. Now that he is on his computer in his room though, perhaps I will get enough time alone and be able to go to bed at a decent time. We'll see!

Time is a strange beast now, we've been off school for so long, working from home and isolated so long. It will be 6 months from his last day until back to school. It's all a bit crazy. The world sure changed fast. Which is good, but also feels a bit artificial, like any moment I will wake up and this will all be over. It feels like the world is still turning but holding it's breath on what will come next. I watch what's happening in other countries and have to admit, I have some worry. 

We have two weeks of cruises booked for December. I am hopeful we can go on them, but also worry that perhaps I shouldn't do it. Not entirely because of COVID. I am considering instead going to an all inclusive, perhaps in January or February. It will depend on if we have to isolate for two weeks when we return, in which case December would be better since we'll probably have two weeks off at Christmas. Though if I can work from home, it wouldn't matter too much for me, just for him missing school. I will continue to watch and see what happens with flights and everything else. I am determined to cruise again though. The all inclusive would have to have water slides, and a beach. I worry he would be bored, but I would be fine with a book (or ebook) and a beach. I am sure we'd manage any way. 

I have a bunch of alarms set, to remind me which days I have to work, which days I have to get up early, when I need to make sure and start dinner. Days, weeks, months are all blurring together. We are comfortable enough here, and the weather seems to be nice enough. I am focusing on the exercise and trying to eat better. I am hoping that in 3 months when I go back to work everyone will be surprised. Even though I know no one will really notice. I am trying to do this, I want to be fit and healthy, I want to be thinner and be able to wear pretty clothes. To feel comfortable. I will get there. 

The curve, work and frustration

Apparently my province has reached it's peak. So what happens next? Do we gradually reopen things and get back to living? Do we remain in this locked down state for another month? or two? or more? Do schools go back soon? Or not until the fall. I am a planner so this uncertainty is frustrating me. It's worse than simply giving a date that is some far off thing. At least then I could make a plan. No plan leaves me feeling un-anchored, and drifting a bit. I am moving forward under a few assumptions, school will not reopen until September, I will be working from home until then, and once things start to get back to normal it will be back to the way things were eventually. That last one is probably in doubt but I am going to believe it.

Work is frustrating, I had not been in the position long when this all came about and have not had a chance to really get a grip on all the pieces of it. So my boss asks me questions I have no answers to, yet I am expected to. I rely heavily on my team, and trust that they are doing what needs to be done. I expect when this is over I will be looking for a different position though, I think I need something a little less anxiety inducing.

I was able to see my parents and sister this past weekend, we met in a grocery store parking lot half way between us. I was picking up my old lap top for Jackson, my dad had fixed it. They had also bought him a bunch of fruit, 3 types of apples, pears and plums, as well as some other snacks. He has been eating a lot of apples everyday. Groceries have been more expensive than they were before, mostly because I can't shop sales like I did. But we are getting by. It is a shift from school lunches though, and one that is frustrating to me, what he would take in a lunch bag he won't eat at home. Before this is all over I have told him we will do a test run day. One day he will pretend I am not home and have to do everything for himself as though I am at work. So we can see if he will be able to stay home at all this summer alone, should that even be an option or possibility.

I am online a lot, perhaps too much. So many people frustrate me so much. There seem to be two camps, those who believe we won't go anywhere until a vaccine is available and those who believe this is all a hoax and we should be getting back to life. The vaccine people actually bother me most, they seem to think we are in isolation to avoid getting this ever, and forget that this was about "flattening the curve" so that hospitals could manage. We will never remain hidden from this forever, we will not be able to avoid living until a vaccine is found. Eventually, the majority of people will get this. We are doing it slowly, so health care can help those who have the bad reactions. I believe until we have testing to see who has actually had it, not just those who are symptomatic and have been tested because of that, we won't have a fulsome picture of it's spread or see the end.

So while I am on one hand scared to get this because I am it for my son, if I cannot make his meals and take care of the house, feed the pets, all of that stuff, then no one will. So if I get sick and it is bad, we are screwed. If he gets it, I am sure he will recover in short order. And on the other hand, perhaps I will be one who has mild or no symptoms. Maybe I already had it, I had some cold like symptoms and tummy issues when we first got locked down, but perhaps that was just stress. Or allergies. Or who the heck knows.

I am planning to be able to travel again, I have two cruises booked in early December and the worst case scenario is we will lose those deposits. I expect that by the time we are supposed to pay in full, we will have a better idea of what is going on and timelines. Best case, we will go away for two weeks and have an amazing time as we always do on cruises. Middle case, we'll have to cancel and reschedule things for another time. I do not expect this to be years in the future, maybe one year? I should perhaps feel bad because I will take him out of school for two weeks. But to be honest, I don't really care any more. He has been doing nothing of his school work, and I am so tired of fighting about it. He'll survive, he'll manage, he'll either figure out that I was right and buckle down, or he'll do something else with his life and it won't matter.

We will live life now though, and enjoy it, because who knows what might happen in the future. This "novel" virus, I am sure it's not the last one we'll have to deal with. Humans have been hell bent on destroying the planet, I am sure it's a matter of time before the planet throws something else at us.

Social Isolation in Crazy Time

Times are crazy. This virus is changing the way we live in so many ways. Not only is school closed but kids aren't supposed to be out playing with friends. Plus I am working from home, my job is critical so I'm expected to work. It is also proving challenging to do that and make sure Jackson is ok through all this.

The homeschooling did not go well, it started out great but he is stubborn and now would rather just play xbox all day. I am working, it's busy as I am supporting phone lines which are answering a lot more calls with a lot fewer people available. It's a struggle to balance everything. And the government hasn't announced when schools will actually go back. If it's a few weeks then ok fine, lets get through this, but if they aren't going back until September, then he needs to get over it and start doing more than xbox all the time. He has reconnected online with a boy he played with two summers ago, the other kid is quite nice and seems to be good with Jackson, which is nice. But Jackson can be needy and so can get upset when he's not the focus of the other kids time online. It can be a struggle. I have been having a lot of conference calls so he often has to be quiet. And I also have been trying to take video workout breaks during the day, even 10 minutes of a walking workout makes me feel better. I am looking forward to finding out about school so I can put plans in place. Add in plans for summer camps, and it is a difficult time for sure.

I have had to spend some money I wasn't supposed to, on groceries. Because everything is so scary, I only want to go to the stores once a week or less, so I am not shopping flyers and looking for the sales, or at least I am having to spend full price on some things which is causing me to spend more of my budget than I expected. This will impact summer camps, I am not sure I will be able to afford all the weeks I had originally planned for. He may end up in some more generic ones than the special camps. This if the camps even open up this summer! Who knows.

Given a 3 to 4 month time frame for this to go through the worst, that puts it at end of June before things normalize. I am glad that Canada seems to be doing better at planking the curve than perhaps some other countries. I think it helps we are so large in geography, and smaller in population. I am worried about my planned December cruise, not because I am scared to cruise, I have no issues getting on a cruise ship in the future, I am more worried about the place it cruises from, getting there and staying there beforehand. I have promised, if something happens and we can't cruise, we will go away to an all inclusive as soon as we can.

It is very strange when I take the dog for walks, everyone is good about staying on their side of the sidewalk, there are few people out and about walking, biking, etc. And even on the roads, there are few cars driving around. I have been to the stores twice, the experience is so different. Put your groceries up, step back, they ring them up, they step back, you step up and pay, then when they step back again you bag them up. I find it frustrating that so many things are out of stock, and I can't shop sales like I normally would. I am lucky I still get a pay cheque, but it is not going to last as much as it once did with prices higher. It is also hard being home, kiddo is not eating his usual school snacks and only wants the special things like chips and candy, he won't eat cookies. It is weird, and frustrating. Tonight I have a chicken in the oven, I'll have mashed potatoes, he'll have rice.

I have been trying to stick to weight watchers, but it is hard! Fresh veggies are hard to come by, and even frozen ones are few in stock. Add in the anxiety, stress from working at home, worry about how Jackson is coping, and I have been overeating. I intend to do better going forward, spend April really keeping on plan and adding in movement breaks to my day. I will do what I can, and hopefully by May we'll be able to get out of the house more, and perhaps back to normal.

I think the unique thing for being an SMC in this time, I am the only parent, the only option. If I get sick, god forbid I end up in hospital, what will happen to Jackson? I have family but I also don't want to risk them and if I am sick, he would be too. I have one amazing niece who has said she'd help out any way she can which is so generous of her. My parents are older and I can't risk them getting sick. Hopefully I won't get it any way, but every time I cough or sneeze, or think my nose is stuffy, I worry. Now I do have seasonal allergies, so I've been dealing with that as the snow melts and that yucky mold comes out. I managed to find some claritin and it is helping but I still feel the post nasal drip. I worry about me getting sick, and him not able to take care of himself at all. He refuses to learn things, like even making a waffle for breakfast, he'd rather just have me do it.

I do still have regrets that he's an only child. I wish I had my 3 kids that I dreamt of, but I also know it would be super hard right now if I did. Even going to the store, he is able to stay home for an hour if I need to do that, younger kids, not so much. Cost wise, one is much better on the budget. But oh I wish I had another. Maybe, we'll see what happens I guess. I guess if I end up having to cancel the trip, perhaps I can save up and try next year? I'd be 46. Man. That feels so old. Yet sometimes I still think I must be in my 20's. But then we wouldn't be able to move at all. Though I think that may wait any way. Who knows, maybe this will be good for house prices? For me any way, not for sellers I guess.

Since we are home, I want to get the upstairs room cleaned up. I have a lot of stuff in it that needs to get out of the house. I had planned to donate but I guess that's not a good idea right now, so I am considering some of it just getting out. Next week is cardboard week, then the following is garbage week. Maybe next weekend I can some stuff ready to go. It's doable, just need to do.

Easter will be interesting too, we normally do dinner with family, but obviously we won't be able to do that now. I'm not sure how to handle the Easter bunny either, I had planned to start getting candy and eggs ready soon but haven't been able to do that yet. Perhaps next week I will find some good sale and try and get some stuff. Just not sure what I will be able to get as he is not a big chocolate kid. I am leery of heading to Walmart but know that would be the best place to get what I want. I will wait and see I guess. I have some time. Not much but a little bit.

Feels like end of days

This Covid-19 thing is really getting annoying. It has sure escalated quickly. I guess at this point I am glad I cancelled my cruise plans for March break, given we'd likely end up quarantined or something. At least now I just have a week of March Break, avoiding crowds, and then TWO WEEKS of closed schools. So 3 weeks at home. I mean, I am able to work from home, so it should be ok, but wow... it's quite a thing! It seems everyone is in full on panic mode. Stores are nuts, shelves are bare, what are people doing? Do they think they will never be able to leave their home again? I just don't understand. I certainly don't have two weeks or more of food in the house. I do plan to buy 2 weeks of cat and dog food when I get paid next week, but I do that any way. For kiddo and I, well we could manage with what's in the house for a few days any way. But I certainly don't have a stock pile of things. I have a grocery list for this weekend, I can only hope the items will be in store!

I am off work until March 23rd, then working from home until April 5. It's crazy. I mean it's kind of nice, I like working from home, I feel I get more done, but it will be weird for sure. And it will be harder on the kid. Two weeks is a long time for no school, no going out. And he is not using my new laptop for playing his video games. He broke my last one, I had to get a replacement rather quickly, and now I finally received it. It is nice, and new, and pink, and not for his use! I will have to lock it up or something.

He has been getting to and from school on his own for a couple weeks now. Doing well with it, except eating chips for breakfast. Instead of cereal or toast or something. We will have to work on that. At least he hasn't been late or anything. Now the weather is starting to get nicer, it will be even better.

I have joined WW, again, and am starting to walk again. The sidewalks have cleared up well enough to go and not slip around. I am not doing great but am hopeful, and I have lost a pound or so. I hope to lose more, and perhaps being home for 3 weeks will help. I will at least be able to go for a good walk at lunch time. Perhaps I can start running. It is hard, normally sometime in January or February I start exercising in the basement, but this year I didn't. I have not been getting enough sleep, been lazy, and gained some extra weight. I signed up for 6 months, I hope it will be enough time to get some good habits. We'll see!

Summer Disney 2019 Trip

We are home. We flew to Disney on Aug 24 and home yesterday. Kiddo is not good at flying, he threw up before we even got on the planes. But his ears only hurt on the way there so I guess that's better? He just gets very anxious and boom... He does it whether he eats or not, and prefers not to so there is nothing really to throw up. The flights were pretty good otherwise, just about 3 hours, he napped, I read. I could have watched a movie but my headphones never work properly.

We had a blast! We stayed at the All-Star Movies and were close to Music. We normally took buses back to Music as it was closer to the room. We went to all the parks, including water parks. We did all the rides, I think we maybe missed one or two that we had no interest in doing. We got to try a few we'd never done before, and we also got to check out the new Galaxy's Edge. Which was fine. We built a droid that was fun. We got a BB unit and he's a little hard to control, Jackson wants to get an R2 unit next time, we'll see! They are not cheap, especially when you factor in the exchange rate. I guess we'll see :-) 

We had the quick service dining plan and while I'm not positive it was worth it, we did take advantage and it was less annoying for me when he didn't actually like what he got. He also ate a few adult meals, even though we paid kid prices for his plan. He finally found a fountain drink he likes. I think we didn't drink enough most days, but it was so nice to not carry a bunch of stuff around. We shared a few meals and didn't really spend anything on food except for one sit down meal, which wasn't very good to be honest. I think next time we will stick with the counter service meals.

I have sore feet, tired legs and oh my there was a lot of laundry from the trip! It was very hot down in Florida so we got very sweaty. And wet, it rained on us a few times. There were also a few rides that got us wet. I managed to get a bad sunburn on my face on Tuesday at the water park, it's still red and peeling, but that was the only burn so I guess that's ok.

We both felt like the trip was over super fast. We think maybe next time we'd want to do 2 weeks and take it slower. But I guess we'll see how that goes :-)

Not sure when our next trip will be, we have a cruise booked over March Break but with everything else I want to do I am not sure we'll go. Perhaps we'll do an all-inclusive this winter instead. Otherwise we have another cruise booked for December 2020 and I want to do that one for sure. Since we will probably be moving next fall, it will get expensive. The new place will require some different furniture and things. I also need a new fitbit since my broke when we got on the plane to come home. At least it survived the trip!

Jackson starts Grade 5 in a few days, he has 3 teachers from what I can tell. Hopefully he will like them, two are new to the school. He has his first male teacher. Fingers crossed for a better year.

I'll need to figure out work as well, my boss is still off (she took 5 weeks and added 3 more). I need to decide if I want to stay where I am, or change positions and move somewhere else. I'd like to be able to have more flexibility in my hours and days off. I'd like to have a more understanding boss and do something I enjoy. I go back to work Thursday, and I'll need to make some decisions then I guess.

Summer Vacation 2019

Ah summertime. Finally we are both off on vacation! I am so blessed to be able to take 5 weeks off (albeit unpaid but the unpaid parts averaged over the year so it's easier to budget for). My time off started on August 1st and I go back September 5th. Jackson went to my parents on Sunday July 28 and stayed until dinner time July 31. He exhausted my parents, my mom was sick and my dad spent a lot of time with him. It was fun for Jackson I know, but not sure my parents feel they can do it again. I guess we'll see. It certainly helped me out since I didn't have to pay for a whole week of daycare.

My dad took Jackson swimming everyday, there is a place in their town with those water trampolines and Jackson really enjoyed it. My dad didn't have to swim and Jackson made some friends, played with some other kids. I will take him back there at least once before the end of August. Probably twice. They also went to the park, played basketball and kept busy.

Now we are off together. I made some Popsicle sticks with things to do on them, and we choose one to do each day. There are a few free options, and less ones I have to pay for. This has to last 3 weeks now. So far we have gone swimming once, gone to the beach once, and today are going swimming at another location. Tomorrow we will be going on a bike ride, and next Thursday we are going to the water park. Then the following week we will go on a boat tour. Those are the two most expensive options. There are more than a few beach days in there, there are two beaches around here that are free. I don't enjoy swimming in rivers but we aren't exactly near the ocean so it has to do! At least we are keeping busy, and he's not on the xbox for long. No super late nights, just trying to manage I guess. Should be a fun enough summer.

And ends with a Disney trip. Still need to pay for food, I am still debating the dining plan. Quick service version. I think dollar wise it's about the same, but paying it off before we go means I don't have to eat kids meals all the time, and can have an alcoholic beverage once or twice, and the exchange rate fluctuations won't matter. I can call and add it before we go so I still have time to debate it. We will be going to the water parks there, and I am going to get the memory maker as well. Can't wait for the trip, but am also trying to enjoy all the time and activities. I don't want to rush it, and should enjoy the time off.

When I go back to work I will hopefully be rested and able to endure the crazy boss for awhile. Otherwise I will be looking for a new position when I get back. The location and rest of the team are great, but oh the boss... she is enough to make me not want the job, she doesn't allow us to actually DO anything. It's very frustrating. I was hoping when her boss was replaced it would improve but that replacement is temporary until mid-September so it won't really impact anything as far as I am concerned.

Time to go swimming again, I hope I have a clean/dry bathing suit and towels. May need to do some extra laundry this weekend!