Changes and the big boy

My baby is upstairs trying to fall asleep for the first time without a bottle.  Yes I know he's over 3, and this is very hard for him.  He is super tired but when I go up to rub his back he kicks me away.  He is crying a bit, kind of a whine, and it's really hard for me.  But we need to do it, he's drinking too much milk, and not eating enough, he wakes up super soaked, and I'm just tired of it all.  So here we are, the first of a few rough nights I think. 

He is, in so many ways, getting to be a big boy.  We were out most of the morning, him in underpants, with no accidents!  We went to two stores, had breakfast and he pee'd in a public bathroom.  Even getting home, no accidents today!  Mind you he pooped in his diaper this morning because we haven't quite got that worked out, but I still call it progress.  We were couch shopping, and he didn't terrorize the store or break anything. 

Which leads to, I got a new couch, and loveseat.  And I am super happy with the purchase, it feels like a grown up set.  I went in with a budget, knowing what I wanted to spend and what I could max out at.  I knew I wanted a reclining sofa, and I was hoping for leather, not bonded or fake, but real leather.  I came out with the floor model clearance set, in espresso brown (what I wanted), power reclining, for less than the max I knew I could spend, but more than what I wanted to spend.  It is super comfy, and is going to be awesome in my new space. I got a great deal, the set was on sale last summer and I compared the price, for what I spent I could have just gotten the couch.  So woo hoo.  They did try and talk me in to microfiber, and it was a great deal, but I really wanted leather.  Now to keep the dog off it. The cats are more debatable, they tend to sleep on furniture with me, not on their own so much. 

I do believe he fell asleep.  It took about an hour, most of it I was up there, we read 3 stories, I sang a bunch of songs, rubbed his back, he talked and then I left because he wasn't going to stop talking.  He told me that his daycare teacher told him if he doesn't stop talking to his friend so much at nap time they will move his bed... so yeah, he's a chatterbox.  He also complained that he needed milk because he would be thirsty at night. I left him a cup of water beside his bed, and he had a sippy of milk with not much in it.  I really hope this leads to sleep for both of us.

I had planned to do this at Easter but a coworker who told me I looked tired, told me the story of the bottle fairy, when I explained why I was tired.  I told Jackson about the bottle fairy who comes to take the bottles away and lets you get a special new toy.  The bottle fairy will give your old bottles to babies who need them.  In her case she told the little boy he needed to do it before he turned 3 or the bottle fairy wouldn't leave him anything. In our case I said it has to be before we move or the bottle fairy won't be able to find us at the new house!  And now I have two bags of bottles sitting in the kitchen, wondering where to hide them as I don't really want to throw them out.  So here we are 6 weeks earlier than I had expected, with a sudden drop in the amount of milk we'll need, and perhaps a boy who will be dry all night.  Imagine. 

We are moving.  It's just a house change, yes with some new furniture involved. Yet for some reason I think it's going to be some magical thing, that my life will suddenly be completely different, I'll be thinner, healthier, we'll eat better, we'll spend better quality time together, go for walks, laugh more.  But realistically, it's just a move, our life plopped into a new location, a little further from daycare and work, still reasonable.  Nothing really will change that much.  I wonder why I think it will? Hope it will. 

Moving, selling stuff and stress

I've signed the lease. I move, or rather get the keys, on March 1st.  I am super excited, totally stressed and trying hard not to panic.  Doing this with a three year old is insane and I don't know if I'm going to make it.  However, it's done and I will survive, because that is what we do.  The new townhouse is bigger than this one, with carpets, eat in kitchen, finished basement, my own shower in the master bath, and they are putting central air in for me by May 15th.  I am very excited, though it's very odd as well.  I will be super close to my sister, about an 8 minute walk according to Goo gle maps, but probably closer if you don't dilly dally.  Or longer if you walk with a 3-year-old.  It is also really close to a Timmies and a McD's. As well as a biking/walking trail, and even an equestrian centre is very close. I look forward to walking over to visit the horsies. 

So far, as far as planning for the move, I have done some work, the spare room is packed and about 90% ready, the basement is ... well it's a disaster lol, but one with a purpose. I am getting rid of all Jackson's baby items, his jolly jumper, exersaucer, high chair, etc.  It makes me super sad, but is necessary.  And I'm posting it online to sell so had to clean a few things up a bit and take pics.  I am hoping it all sells of course, but I have a large amount of clothes and linens, even diaper bags, already packed up for donation.  They come around here on Feb 24th, so what hasn't sold by then will be going to donation.  Except the cloth diapers I have up for sale, any of those that don't sell I will take to the new house, they don't take up too much space.  So far it's not going too badly, I have made close to $200 in one day, which is all going towards new stuff for the new place, but of course there are the people who ask a question or say they want to pick something up asap and you never hear from them again.  That's fine, they have two weeks lol.  Then it's all going out the door and that's that. 

I have hired movers, the quote was $200 less than I was budgeting for, and the guy who did the quote said it would be about 7 hrs, which is perfect, it means Jackson will be in daycare all day and I won't be late to get him.  I am happy with the quote, but am planning to move quite a bit of stuff myself (for instance my clothes).  It will be interesting with Jackson tagging along, since of course he goes where I go, so he'll be making trips back and forth.  I get the keys March 1st, a Friday, and have movers coming on the 7th, which gives me just under a week. I also hope to have my new couch delivered on March 2nd.  We are going couch shopping next weekend, between packing and selling stuff of course! 

All in all, the whole thing is stressful and tiring, but I know it will be great in the end, and I am sure it will all end up well. I am slightly worried about the backyard stuff (patio furniture, sandbox and BBQ) still being covered in snow come March 7th, but I am hopeful and I will do what I have to.  I have this place until the end of March so realistically, anything the movers don't take I can come back for, I just really don't want to. 

This is my 100th post.  I think I should have had more by now.  Life is busy, and sometimes I don't want to admit that it's trying.  My son is 3 and he has certainly got a personality and does not like to listen to what I have to say.  It can be difficult and I do lose my temper more than I should.  I don't think moving will help that really, except that perhaps I will be more comfortable and "at home" in my life.  I won't worry that the house is making us sick, or the neighbours are doing illegal things.  The school is a good one, and while it will be further from daycare/work, it's not that big of a difference. I am hopeful that having the walking trail so close will be good for us, and I look forward to some new things in my life.  I do feel sad getting rid of Jackson's baby things, but I also know if I do choose to have another baby I can replace them fairly easily.  And that I don't need nearly as much as I had with him any way. 

To move

I am moving.  Soon.  I am tired of living in this place that annoys me, and with neighbours who are questionable and a frustrating landlord.  I feel like I am at a crossroads, I want to be in a nicer place, closer to a good school.  Closer to my family and friends.  But moving is hard!  It's expensive and finding the right place, timing everything, packing... cleaning... tossing!  There is a lot to do and I should be doing it all now.  Not being on here.  Not watching TV, or at least doing something more when I am.

I've ordered boxes, packing tape, garbage bags.  And I am pretty sure I know the movers I want to use.  Now I just need to find the right place.  I have 3 that I am looking at.  One I saw today, it was nice but older.  The appliances weren't the best.  The layout was great, the backyard was really nice, and it was very close to my sister's place.  Which would be great for having a babysitter.  It had an odd smell.  But it also costs the least.

Saturday I am going to see another one, it is a bit bigger, a little further from my sister and I think a bit older than the one I saw today.  It costs a little more,but not a whole lot.  It is right beside a park, backs onto the park actually, and the school for the district has full days kindergarten with before and after school care in the school.  That would be super convenient.  I will have to see the layout, it is lacking the eat in kitchen I would like, but has a fireplace, and a master bathroom which I would really like.

The last place is brand new, like it hasn't been finished yet.  So there will be mud, no fence, gravel driveway, the dog will have to be tied up. But it's new.  And the owner seems pretty nice.  It costs more, quite a bit more really.  So is it worth it?  I'm not sure, it is further from my sister, but close to a good friend. 

I know I want to move but I wish there was a sign as to which place I should get, where I should be living.  It is frustrating and slightly annoying.  I didn't think I would move until I can buy, but I know I won't be able to buy for at least a few more years.  It is sad but the way it is, unless I win the lottery I will be a renter.  I just want to rent a nicer place, something better than what I have.

I did contact a couple other places that looked great, but they are for rent NOW so they didn't want to wait until March.  One was very rude so I won't be contacting him again.  The other one wasn't rude and I may contact him again closer to February to see if he's changed his mind.  I can't imagine they will find someone who wants to move so quickly, it's a week away. 

I am very much on edge.  Between the house stuff and my little boy who is very much trying my patience, I am so done with everything, I just don't know what to sometimes.  I am tired and need a break, but won't be getting one any time soon.  I am not even sure what to do any more.  I already said that, but it's been hard lately. I feel like I am angry all the time, which I do not like at all.  I am angry over where I live, angry over the stupid things I've done that have made me stuck here.  I should be buying a house not renting a new one.  I should be a better mother.  I get angry at my son, he doesn't listen, is terrible to get out the door, and I get frustrated and yell.  I feel bad, it makes me angry again, vicious cycle.  What to do. 

In the end I am sure once winter is done it will be better, I am sure once we are re-settled it will be better.  But it's getting to that point that I am finding difficult.  I want to be happy, to live a happy life, to enjoy my child and our life together.  Right now I'm not enjoying much of anything.  And I hate that. 

New Year's Resolutions

It's that time again, the start of a new year, time to make changes and fix things, suddenly be better.  It never really lasts.  Last year I lost weight, and gained it back.  I enjoyed my son, but fight with him every night at bedtime.  I did better with money but somehow still feel like I have none.  For 2013 I have a simple goal.  To have better habits.  This will of course be much harder than it might sound.  It will mean a lot of changes, but I also know it will take time, new habits take time to form. 

For instance, the only time I can really get a workout in is if I get up early enough to do it.  But getting up early doesn't seem to ever happen, so I will have to go to bed earlier, and get up earlier.  And for a week or so that is likely all I'll be able to do, simply get my butt out of bed in time to do a workout, whether I actually get one in is debatable for now.  It will happen though, once I am used to getting up, I can do the workouts.  They will be short, 20 minutes or so, at least to start with.  I can do that much. 

Eating better, that will require planning, and ties in with both meal planning and shopping the sales. I don't want to waste money buying stuff and not eating it, nor do I want to pay full price for things.  So on Wednesday when I get my flyers I will have to go through them and plan the meals as well as the shopping, so we can get everything done on Saturday.  I would like to get organic produce delivered as well, that would come on Wednesday as well, so I'd have the veggies I need for the week, and just need to get the proteins and snacky stuff.  It would set the menu, or at least part of it.  Also a good thing I think.

Getting chores done on Saturday would leave Sunday for me to spend with the boy, playing, getting out, doing things and having fun.  I need to enjoy my son more, I feel like I spend too much time saying "no, don't do that, get off there, don't throw that" adding in now "don't sit on the kitten".  I want us to get along better.  I know a lot of it is me, and I need to change my habits when it comes to spending time with him, we spend a lot of it not doing a whole lot.  I need to change that.  He is a good kid, but like the dog, he needs more stimulation.  A class or something, now that he is 3 and big boy. 

Money wise, the planning of meals, and only shopping Saturday, should help. As well as using coupons and my stockpile of course.  I need to save money if I am going to be able to move like I want to.  So I need to plan and stick to the plan. Even the organic produce will help with the planning, since I will be spending the same every week or two weeks, and getting all the veggies we need, healthy and all that.  Once we move I will be able to get a bigger freezer so I can really stockpile and cook in advance, perhaps once a month or every two weeks.  As long as I stick to my budget everything will be great, and I will enjoy the raise that comes with my promotion.  Hopefully we get raises negotiated soon, as well as a payout which will go into my RRSP for my home buying. 

Finally, I need to sort all of this out in order to see if I can actually handle a second child.  I have been unwell a lot this year, my stomach is not good, I may have an ulcer or something, perhaps it's my gallbladder, who knows.  But the healthier eating and exercise should help.  Also with the migraines.  And I need to figure out if I can handle a second child, my temper is not the best lately, I lose it over little things.  I know sleep and not being active, not eating well, is all tying in to my unhealthiness.  Which makes me unable to handle one little boy who is too smart, and too active, and doesn't ever want to actually do what I ask him to.  If I can't manage one child, how would I manage him while pregnant, or while dealing with no sleep and a baby?  Or even a second one just like him. 

My plan for the new year is simple, to get into better habits, to change the ruts I'm stuck in and strike a different balance.  I may even say no TV or computer Sundays, at least while Jackson is awake.  Things need to change, and now is a good time to change them. 

The day before the holidays

Today was a rough day for us.  Jackson was not listening and it bothered me more than it normally does. We had a few "fights" and I lost my temper a couple times.  I am having a difficult time with my little boy.  He is very stubborn and refuses to listen to me.  Then I lose my temper and yell.  I know I need to be better than he is, I just don't know how to get him to do as I ask him.  From getting out the door, to getting back in the door, to not trying to pick up the new kitten by his tail.  I am simply at a loss.  He is stubborn and has a temper himself.  It is making life interesting.  And the potty training.  Oh my.  He does great at daycare, at home we have accidents every 5 minutes it seems, get him cleaned up and he pees again.  The poop thing is certainly not happening.  And I'm tired of it.  So today he wore a diaper all day because I was not going to deal with it any more. 

I hoped that having time off with him this week would be great, that we would have a lot of fun, get the potty training sorted out.  But now I'm not so sure.  Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and my parent's are coming to visit. The house is a disaster, I was supposed to work on it this weekend but just haven't, I'm too exhausted from dealing with this child.  I don't know what to do.  It is certainly clouding my thoughts of having a second baby.  So I got a kitten.

My poor Mea passed away on December 5th.  She took a bad turn and was unable to really walk so I took her in and said goodbye.  It was difficult, and I'm not sure at all that Jackson gets it.  We got a kitten last weekend, he is adorable and loves Jackson.  The kitten's name is Joshua, Jackson named him, and he is an Abyssinian/Siamese mix. He is super playful, friendly and cuddly.  Exactly what I wanted.  Perfect for our family, and getting along with my other pets.  Now if I could convince Jackson to not try to carry him around by various body parts, we'd be all set. 

Money wise, things are going fairly well. I am spending more than I'd like to be, but within budget.  I am hoping to pick up a bed frame for Jackson's bed this week, and get a headboard and night table for him this week as well.  Hopefully all for $200 or so.   I'd like to get his bedroom sorted out, I'll need to take the change table out and move things around a bit but it should be good.  I was going to wait until we move but if I can get a good deal now then I might as well.  The only thing I'll need then when we move is a bigger freezer, and possibly a treadmill.

I hired a dog walker, he comes 3 days a week to walk the dog.  It is money I should not spend but in winter we are not getting poor Riley out for any exercise and it's making everyone crazy.  So this should help.  And once I'm used to spending the money, it should mean I can afford a maid once I move.  Though my rent will likely go up.  And I will still need to find a place.  But so far things are on track, and a bigger, nicer house should be in our future.  If only I could declutter the house, I may need to hire someone for that too!  Or convince some friends to come over and help.

And I do still love being a mom, I really do.  My son is driving me batty and today was a long difficult day, but in general he is a good boy.  I just wish he'd pay attention to me and listen. I wonder if I didn't talk for a day if he'd even notice, I really don't think he listens to me at all. 

First Trick or Treating



Ready for daycare



This was the first Halloween we went trick or treating.  Last year my boy was sick.  They did some at daycare, went to a couple areas in the daycare and got raisins, a juice box, healthy stuff. They were not allowed to wear costumes to daycare so above is what he wore instead.  When I went to pick him up, I was told he'd already done trick or treating and we didn't need to go again... ok not acceptable!  I got him home and fed, then we packed up and went to my sister's.  She lives in a much nicer neighbourhood than we do so I thought it would be better to go there.  It was.  Jackson had a lot of fun, he rang doorbells (multiple times) and said trick or treat before the door opened, thank you after he got the candy. He really wanted to go to the spookiest house, the one with all the decorations.  And wasn't happy when I said that's enough. I suspect next year we'll be out for hours lol.  He was a great little construction man, and very happy to get back to aunties to eat some candy and feed some to mommy too! 



My little construcion man



I got the job

I got the job today, so I got the promotion permanently, and get to stay in the building I currently work in, rather than having to move.  It is a good thing, and scares me greatly.  I know the people I've been working with, and what is expected of me so this will be a big change. I know I can do it, and the security is great.  It means a bigger payout when our contracts are renegotiated as well, which is awesome!  And it means I can look for a house to rent in the neighbourhood I want, and that is near my sister.  I'm really excited and like I said, scared.  My current manager is not too happy, I'm not sure what he's going to do, I guess we'll see.  Hopefully he doesn't try to stop me from going, or cause any problems.  I hope I will love the new job but realistically I am expecting it to be a year long commitment, more if it goes well.

Mea is still hanging in there, I need to call the vet to have her checked again, with the weight she is still losing I am pretty sure she must have cancer.  It's the only thing I can think of that would be sucking the weight off her, which she's still eating quite a bit.

Jackson is still a handful, but as the antibiotics are working he is happier, which makes life happier.  Though he did have a fit at the store yesterday, trying to bite my hands as I pushed the cart, yelling, crying, hitting me... fun times!  All because I wouldn't buy him a new toy. Sigh.

I have a plan to declutter and get rid of things, but no idea when I'll be able to follow through.  I need to of course, it's important.  If I plan to move I cannot pack and move all the crap I have.  I read about the 100 item challenge, where people end up keeping only 100 items per person, but I can't go that extreme, maybe 1000 items lol.  I have a bunch of stuff to get rid of, and at this point I'd rather just give it away than try to sell it all.  But a couple things are big so I couldn't carry them out myself, so I'll have to put an ad and see if anyone bites. 

So I have a new job, a plan to move, and get rid of stuff.  Things seem to be falling into place.  Phew!  Now to stick to it all, including the budget so I can actually move and get some new furniture in the process.