A New Summer Camp

This week Jackson is attending a new day camp. I wanted him to try some out this summer in preparation for next summer when daycare won't be an option. And because I think he finds daycare boring, if also familiar. I signed him up for an adventure, swimming camp this week, and next week he has an active gamer camp. This week, he is exhausted! Which I take as a very good sign. He is playing, being active, swimming and has made some friends. He falls asleep quickly, and is in an agreeable mood most of the time. Apparently exhaustion is the key to us getting along...

I am very glad I pushed him to try the new camps, wish I could switch his last week of daycare to the other camp but I've already paid for daycare so it's not going to happen this week. Perhaps though it will be an option for March Break or a week at Christmas, we'll see!

He was very nervous, and anxious, about the new camp. So we talked it through, and he felt better about it. When I dropped him off the first day there were a few tables with activities set up, and a few kids already playing. I saw him getting ready to ask not to go or for me to stay but he took a breathe and went to a table. When I asked him about it later he said he doesn't like to join a group already playing and prefers to have people join him or invite him to join. That's fair. When I picked him up he was playing soccer with a few other boys, and wanted to stay a bit longer. I'm very glad he had fun, it makes the week a lot easier! Hopefully next week goes as well. Having this experience does have a benefit for him as well, he knows he can do it now.

We are working on his anxiety. I got a workbook and we have been going through it. The past few nights he has been too tired, so we'll wait until he's not so tired to keep going. I am not sure it is really helping, but he is asking to keep going so I hope so! We do worry time, and spend 15 minutes or so talking about whatever worries him. We'll have to deal with flying soon, at least before the trip.

And then next trip, in winter. I'll have to wait and see. Do we do another trip? the one I already have booked or something less expensive? Or do we save the money, perhaps move next summer, or maybe plan for a baby? It's possible, but expensive. I am glad to be having at least this one more trip with him, and really enjoying it. Then I will see what the future holds.

Work has been a struggle, but my boss is off for 5 or 6 weeks, and I will also be off, so I won't see her for almost two months! Thank goodness. When I return I will see if anything has changed, and then find something else. I do wish I could stay in the location, but if not, I will figure it out.

Hot summer time

School is over. Summer has arrived. It has been super hot and humid here the past week. I believe it's supposed to break tomorrow, so I'll be able to get the dog out for walks again. We have missed a few days, the pavement is just too hot for his poor feet and it doesn't even cool off over night. I don't mind for me so much, I could go for walks in this weather any way, but I feel bad taking the dog out in it (he's black and it just makes him roast). So we played fetch and he played with some toys, and I'll give him a frozen bone this afternoon to chew on.

We are really looking forward to the Disney trip at the end of August. I'm getting tickets for the halloween party through airmiles so they'll be free, that's a nice little savings, and a fun way to end the trip. Pay in full day is approaching, but I have two pay cheques in between so it will be fine. Flights are booked already, we got the fastpasses I wanted and a few dining reservations, mostly for quick service places but it gives us a guaranteed place to sit, and once we order they bring us the food.

Trying to change banks is a tricky business. I got all the card/cheques/stuff from the new bank, so once I get paid on Wednesday I'll change my account for my pay, and start from there... hopefully it all goes smoothly but you never know I guess! I look forward to not paying the bank.

I have been busy planning trips, so I don't focus on things I don't want to deal with. Like kiddo's problems, or the fact I still wish I had a bigger family. Realizing that some of the difficulties so far in parenting have been due to the diagnoses and wondering if another child would have been as hard. I suspect it would have been different and perhaps hard in other ways, but a lot of the difficulties would not have been a given the second time around. The problem now is cost, and if I want to have another I have to stop with the trips. But if it doesn't work I will have not gone on these trips that we would both enjoy. I will make a further decision in the fall, after Disney and after we are both seeing someone. I intend to also seek a therapist to help me deal with all of this, from his issues to my own thoughts and wishes. No trips would mean I could afford to do at least one round of donor eggs in Syracuse.

I will take him to the doctor in early August for a referral/prescription, get one for myself as well, and go from there. I know there are going to be waiting lists but I don't think it will be that bad. I will ask the doctor about medication for him, though I don't really think it will help. We have been working on his anxiety, and doing a workbook I found on amazon. So far I'm not sure if it really helps but it gives us a starting point to think and talk about.

He has camp next week, a different place than he usually goes in summer. I know he will have fun, there is swimming daily, and a field trip on Wednesday. He will be with kids 8 to 10 years old, and they will be active all day. I am crossing my fingers he will really enjoy it so he can go next year as well.

He's learned how to make instant rice and chicken noodle soup now. He can do popcorn in the  microwave, make toast and microwave a hot dog. My mom will teach him a few things, like scrambled eggs, when he's there with her at the end of the month. Now to teach him to do laundry :-) He already likes to clean toilets, vacuuming is too loud though. He needs to learn a few skills, he is almost 10!

Answers and more questions

Well summer vacation has arrived! School's done for another year, grade 4 is over. Jackson is excited that it's over, but worried about the day camps we have scheduled for this year. He is concerned about not knowing anyone in the new places, but I think he will do ok. I do know we'll have some problems but in small doses, he usually makes friends. At least he always does on our trips so I assume a week of camp will be the same.

I met with the school psychologist and she is sending me a written report. Basically he has ADHD and ODD, as well as high anxiety. She and the resource teacher will have discussions with his grade 5 teacher in the fall to ensure they are able to deal with him in a productive way, and he'll be tested further for "giftedness" because he did really well on the intelligence tests. All but one area which I know was because he shut down for that set of questions, he couldn't remember how to do it so rather than risk being wrong he simply wouldn't answer. I will also go to his family doctor and get him a referral to a psychologist so I can use my coverage and then find one who works with kids, and find the money and time to get him in to see them! Once I get that written report so they have a good starting point.

For the summer, after this "fun weekend" I have a book for him to work through on anxiety and a book to help him learn his times tables. I think he would do better in math if he had that memorized. I was considering getting one to help him learn cursive since they don't teach that any more, but I don't want to put too much on him. His reading is a few levels above where he needs to be, but his penmanship is bad. I think we'll work on his anxiety and help him learn some ways to calm down, and hopefully that will lessen the other problems.

I guess his diagnosis explains a lot about his behaviour. There are still some things I find strange, and difficult to deal with. Hopefully seeing someone will help us both. He tends to get obsessed with things and can't think about anything else. I know I do that at time as well but I have learned to deal with it. He needs to learn to control his temper, and to pick  up on social queues from others. Without taking it all so personally. Or blaming everyone else.

I am super excited for the summer, especially the time off in August, and the trip to Disney. We got the fast passes I wanted, and other than paying it off, are all set! I have started some workouts, on top of the walks I've been doing with the dog, trying to get my steps in. I am trying to watch what I eat, keto would be ideal but is hard to follow on a very tight budget, so I do my best.

When we go back to it in the fall I will be looking for a new position. I am not happy where I am, all because of the boss. My manager is so frustrating, she is rude and some of the things she says, the way she handles situations, could be seen as abusive. She has already driven multiple people from the project. It sucks because the location is awesome for me. One of my colleagues has spoken to the union about her already. It is a shame when one person ruins things for others. She is on vacation in two weeks, so I just need to make it to then and it will be a break. Maybe that will help? I'm not sure. I am kind of at a point where I don't feel I should have to put up with this type of treatment.

I think my new car gave me new ideas. I feel like I finally got the car I want, so I should get all the things I want. I'm changing banks, which is a lot of work and timing, because my bank raised my monthly fees, so now I'll be switching to one that has no fees. It's a pain but it will be better in the end. I am trying to get rid of stuff in the house, clean it up, and still hoping to move. Even though it will cost more, the house it self will be what I want, open and the right size, nice finishes, just more what I want. I do not want to buy, homes keep going up and up, and what I want is now much more expensive than it was. I know I can't afford it and I'm not sure I care. I am actually considering that instead I'd prefer to buy a cottage. There are a few cottage "resorts" around that have places at reasonable prices. We could spend weekends all from spring through fall, and at least a few weeks in the summer there. I am sure he'd make friends. I can take the dog, and the cats for those times we spend longer. But maybe if we have a nice home I won't want to? I guess we'll see.

The game console test

I took away the xbox completely for a week in mid-May. It was taken away and put in a box in the basement. He was calmer, and after the week I let him have it back upstairs. But with strictly limited time to use it, and the threat of putting it away again. I was supposed to take away all his devices for 3 weeks, but after the one day he couldn't have his tablet when he completely lost it and threatened me, and himself, I relented and allowed him to keep the tablet but with less time on it.

He would use it on the weekend for a little, maybe an hour or two playing with friends. Things were going better, we watch shows together in the evening, we talk, he's been playing outside with friends.

The past few days I have let him play a particular game (not the one that I think cause so many problems before) and today it was too much. The game wasn't doing what he wanted and he lost him temper, ending with him throwing the controller into the kitchen where the back came off, the batteries scattered and much yelling and name calling ensued. He told me I had to find the piece that he can't, though I am not the one who threw it nor the one who caused the tantrum. I was bearing the brunt of it though. Called many names, and generally spoken to in a rude manner.

So no more machine today, and likely not tomorrow either. I wish he'd go out and play but his friends are away for the day so there's no one to play with, and his other friends live further away and aren't allowed to go out riding bikes without parents.

I'm sure we'll have a rough afternoon now, but he's upstairs in his room to calm down.

My thoughts now are he still isn't ready to play on the machine. And I'd like it to go in the basement again. It probably will when holidays start, because it ruined last summer for us and I won't let that happen again.

I do have a meeting with the school psychologist on Monday to hear the results of his assessment, and see what plans might be put in place for grade 5. From there, we'll see what happens!

What's been going on

We've had a bit of a rough time. I ended up putting the Xbox away, and he hasn't been allowed to play much more than an hour a week or less since. He is still on his tablet an awful lot, but he also is just generally being much more agreeable and we are getting along better. School seems to be going better, right before the year wraps up. That is good news, he is even getting along with his math teacher! Which I never thought would happen. She is leaving at the end of the school year though, which is too bad. Now. It takes Jackson awhile to warm up to teachers and get along.

After all the struggle, the school psychologist evaluated him. I have a meeting Monday the 25th to get the results. After the extra questions she had for me I suspect they think he's at least mildly autistic. I'll find out details at the meeting I guess. I would say I suspect he has some problems, obviously, but he speaks well, is intelligent and has friends at school. He is just lacking some social maturity, and he needs some help with learning a few things.

The changes since taking away the damn box have been remarkable though. It's amazing. I have my kid back. If we hadn't had such a rough year with his behaviour, I probably would have found a way to have another baby. But when everything was so hard, I just didn't see how I could deal with the language, the violent behaviour, the trouble, and be pregnant or have a newborn. I know that I will have regrets because of this, the whole thing. I feel like I should have noticed something sooner with Jackson's behaviour, gotten him help earlier. I should have had another child much sooner, and should have done so many things differently.

As it stands, we have trips booked for August, March and December 2020. The March trip I am debating cancelling, even though I will lose the deposit, and even though I want to go. It's going to be a pricey trip, and we are maybe going to move, I'm not sure we can afford to do it all.

We are going to Disney at the end of August, and I can't wait. It will be a great trip, even though the new Star Wars land is opening and will impact the crowds. We will be able to do all the rides, check out the water parks, and try some new things. I had hoped to lose some weight before we go, but as we are not at 70 days, and I haven't, I'm thinking it won't happen. But my step counts have been good and I think that will be helpful for this trip. I do have some time left to try and lose more, just not sure it will happen.

As for moving, there are some new places being built right beside his school. They are rentals, and there are not too many being built with garages, but they are going to be very nice. And new, with nice features. Probably cost more than I am paying now. But I am so tempted to move. It would be downsizing, the places are smaller than this one. Which is honestly more house than we need. And the backyard is so much work. The new places have a balcony and a small front yard, but no backyard. They are right beside the park though, and places to walk the dog. With the downsizing we have a lot to get rid of. But I was planning to do that any way, try and sell some items, including a lot of toys. Since I have no future baby there is no need to keep a lot of the things. The town home I'm looking at has 2 bedrooms, which is all we need. They do have some 3-bedroom places as well, but they will cost more. Might be nice? Not sure. We'll see. Either way, they are smaller than this home.

Work has been truly frustrating. My boss is just horrible, and the project is all over the place. I am not sure I can see it working well in the end, which is really annoying. I am not sure what to do. But since I have about 7 weeks until my summer vacation I am trying to wait until that is over and I get back to find something new. I have done a little amount of looking but nothing too much. And she goes on vacation before me, so I really only have 4 weeks left of dealing with her, and struggling to try and get things improved on the project.

In happier news, I got a new car and I love it. It's tangerine orange, a Kona, and it is super cute. I just feel happy when I see it and drive it. I am so glad I got it. Still about the same payments I had on the last one, insurance came down, and the mileage is great. Very happy to have the new car. It's smaller than the last one too, so will hopefully fit better in the garage.

Steady On

I've been doing pretty well with keeping up with the exercise. I'm not doing a lot but have been trying to do something, even when I can't get up early enough to do it, but do it after dinner. That is hard sometimes, but I've been doing at least 5 days a week. It's only been 3 weeks so far but going well! I am feeling more able to keep  up. The problem this week was my knees hurt, so I guess I was doing something too much. I've also been doing weight watchers online, though not perhaps as well as I should be. It's frustrating and a lot of it feels like I'm eating wrong, so it's hard to keep up with. We'll see how it goes. I only signed up for 3 months. I am not sure I am learning anything from it.

Winter has been rough. It has been very cold, and a lot of snow! It is unusual for so much snow in such cold temperatures here, I guess that's climate change? It is going to warm up next week for a few days. I've had to shovel a lot, which is annoying! I will try and hire someone next winter, at least I can see this year who is doing a good job so I know who to hire.

Work is work. It's been a struggle sometimes. My boss is a bit nuts, and things on the project are not really going well with her involvement. I may have some choices coming up in regards to positions, we'll see what happens. I have asked my boss if I can work from home in the morning and still work a full day. She has to talk to her boss apparently. The reason I want to is all for the child. He hates daycare but I don't feel he is ready to get himself to school. So I am trying to solve the problem, though really I just want to tell him to get over it. Apparently that's not how it works? I don't know! Any way. If it works out great, and if not I will have to re-evaluate my options. I like being able to work the extra 30 minutes most days so that I can use the banked time for PD days. Hopefully I'll be able to save up enough vacation to still take 3 weeks off this summer without having to take unpaid leave.

We are going to Disney in August, but I have changed us from one resort to a less expensive one. It is less convenient to the parks but still has a water slide, some nice places to eat and we'll be staying in a new room. It should be nice, and fun! I imagine it will be the last time for awhile. We will stick to cruising after this. Four years ago is when we went on the first trip... and I am still hooked!

Jackson has been having some issues, I still hate the xbox, and I am not sure I like him even having one. However, I can't bring myself to have the fight and take it away. I have limited how much he can use it, but we still fight about it constantly. If I am able to change my work arrangement, we will hopefully be able to have fewer fights. Right now, I'd like to go to bed and he wants to play his game. I'd also like to be able to catch up on some TV as well. Perhaps I need to get another TV for me? I don't like them in bedrooms but... maybe being able to watch Netflix in my room wouldn't be so bad?

I meet again with the school next week, on my birthday actually. Hopefully it goes well, just a touch base and meet the new vice principal. He started the new year doing well but I think it may have gone downhill from then. He has sick two days last week, then we had a couple snow days, and I missed  a week of work! Terrible. If he didn't have to go to daycare I think he wouldn't be sick so often. I am sure it's more that he hates school than anything else.

At least it's the weekend!

Changes and staying the same

School started back up last Monday. We made it out the door on time, no fights! By Friday that had changed and I will need to speak to the daycare supervisor because I am really unhappy with the before school care right now. My kid hates going, he argues, fights and just simply refuses to go. I can't say I blame him. When I dropped him off Friday he wasn't allowed to play with the boys playing lego because there were already 3 of them and 4 was too many. Meanwhile the teacher is sitting there knitting and not paying much attention to any of the kids. It's one thing if I'm paying a teenager or something but these are supposed to be trained educators... I'm not pleased at all to be paying for this. It isn't like school. This is supposed to be fun, and it's obviously not! So now we have to fight about this every morning while I try to get it sorted out. Changing is hard because it's part way through the school year. He is too young to get out the door on his own. I don't want to change my work schedule in such a way that I can make sure he goes, since then I wouldn't be able to leave and get home after school. All in all, frustrating!!

However, in school he did really well last week! I got a note home mid-week from 3 of his teachers to let me know he's been a new kid since the holiday. It was refreshing to read and hopeful. He also won an award for hope. Not quite sure what it really means. But it was nice any way. He is still a little pain at home and today was horrible, he played xbox pretty much all day with various friends. But he didn't throw any fits so that's good I guess?

For me, I have been trying to exercise. I did a workout today that really just showed me how out of shape I am. It was hard! And it shouldn't have been. I will be trying to getting up early to do a 20 minute. Fingers crossed on that because I am just so tired lately. I know I feel better, and have more energy, when I eat low carb/keto. Doing it with kiddo is hard, doing it on a tight budget is harder! I will do my best though, I feel better and my tummy troubles seem to improve when I do it. I have been having a lot of upset stomach issues the past month or so, it must be time for a reset! Clean up my diet at least for a week and hopefully it will improve.

I've booked another Disney trip for August. It will likely be the last one for awhile with the new Star Wars land opening, and with the 50th anniversary, I expect prices will go up even more, and be super busy. So we'll get this one last big trip and then stick to cruises, and maybe Universal eventually. I look forward to the travel probably more than kiddo does. I wish we could go more. I am a little worried I'll need to adjust my work schedule again because of daycare and then have to either take unpaid leave in the summer again or not be able to take things like PD days. Which leaves him in daycare for the day, which obviously isn't the best solution. Ugh.

At least things seem to be going ok, or more good than bad at this point. Got my annual rental agreement renewal, no increase to rent so that is fabulous. I'll need to decide what to do about my car before summer. Work is work, my boss is off a lot this month, getting married and going on a honeymoon. Changes are on the horizon at work soon. We'll see what happens.