Wow it's March!

 I can't believe it's March already. This year is flying by. So far it's going ok. Things are starting to open back up, so at least in terms of restrictions, things are getting better here. Jackson goes for his booster shot this Saturday, I wanted to get it as soon as possible so he is well protected as they remove restrictions. He won't have to wear a mask at recess, though he said he might still any way.

School. What a disaster, he's really only going because he has basketball tryouts going on this week, otherwise it is a struggle to get him there twice a week. I feel like this is such a wasted year. I wonder if we should have just stuck with homeschooling and been done with it. At least then I also wouldn't have to drive much in winter! I've been getting most things delivered and avoiding driving and being out as much as possible. I am really looking forward to spring though, and hopefully then going to stores again. Things are all frightfully expensive. Everything is going up so much! I'm trying to eat better, trying to do keto actually, but it can be expensive. I suppose that will help me cut back on how much I eat, as well as the carbs involved. 

Work is frustrating, I feel like I'm always being asked to do things without anyone understanding what's involved. It's getting a bit much, but I applied on a higher level process so if I get into that pool, hopefully it will lead to a promotion and then I guess I can't complain if they ask too much of me. That is the difference really. I'm not at a level where I should be the go to for other managers to ask questions. It is nice to be needed, but also too much at times. My team is growing, we are hiring more people to do the work and it's my job to set up who will do what, and ensure they are trained. 

We have a trip planned for May. I cannot wait. It's a cruise from Bayonne, we may drive. I currently have flights booked but may move those flights to something else, or who knows. We also have a cruise booked for August but I'm not sure if we'll do it or not. If we do, I may rebook it in a lower cabin to save some money. We'll see. Living through another winter here I would prefer to travel in winter and just stay home in summer, but you can't cruise to Bermuda in winter, and New York would be more fun in summer I think? Maybe any way. We could add a few days to the cruise in May in order to see New York some. Again, we'll see. 

I'd still like to move as well, but there are some good things about here, the cost for the biggest thing. And all the space. But oh I need to declutter and redo somethings. I want to get rid of some of the furniture, replace a few things, just update it to what I would actually like. I did buy a new TV stand with an electric fireplace in it, and a bigger smart TV that I am loving. It's even controlled by voice which is crazy. I'd like to get rid of my couch, keep the loveseat and a comfy chair, maybe add a new chair in the modern style I like. Also the table and chairs, it's a nice set but we never really use it. I could maybe sell it and we have a small white table that was used as a desk, buy a couple new chairs and voila! All the places we are looking at moving to have islands and I'd just prefer to eat there than also have a table and chairs. So it would make sense. I'm waiting for spring. Once the weather improves it will hopefully be easier to clean up a few things, donate them maybe. I don't really know at this point, the thought of it all gets overwhelming. At least some things are looking better. 

Although I have little choice in this any more, I am mostly ok with only have one child. Mostly but not completely. I have moments of grief, of regret, of wondering if it would still be possible. I can totally say I regret not moving forward when I was 41, regardless of what was going on. And that covid made travel so much harder so donor eggs became impossible for me too. I wish that right now I had two kids upstairs, or even sitting here with me. I wish that things were different. But I am also not sure I could do another round of elementary school. That place we horrible for him and me really. High school isn't proving to be that much better, but at least it's not as bad. And I have hope that it will improve when restrictions are lifted even more. I am 47 now. I know other women have had kids at this age or even older, but were they already menopausal? I haven't had a period since August 2019. There is no doubt my eggs are gone and my reproductive time is done. My son is 12, how much longer will he even be here with me? And then? I guess then I can do as I please, though what that will mean I have no idea. 

The last summer hurrah

 Soon it will be back to school. We are hopeful it will go well, and I am really hoping kiddo stays and doesn't let his anxiety overwhelm him. I think he is looking forward to it to a certain extent, at least seeing his old friends and playing at lunch, doing sports as well. The summer weather has cooled, but it's still pretty nice. Yesterday we took the day and went back to the water park, it was a lot quieter than when we went at the start of summer. We had a lot of fun, went on quite a few slides, and he had a lot of fun doing certain ones over and over with little wait. My feet and calves are so sore today from all the walking and stairs. We also got a little sunburned. But it was a super fun day. 

Now we have a few more days, and then it's back to it! I have the first couple days off when he goes back, so I'll be taking him to school those days. I also have some errands to run, and cleaning to do. His room will get a deep clean, he has been keeping it a bit tidy but things get messier over time and it seems to be where water bottles to go to get lost. I look forward to getting things clean and sorted, his room and the main living space. I need to make room for a cat wheel. When we got Olaf, our new bengal, and with our other cats, a cat wheel seemed like a good investment. Hopefully it'll fit in here somewhere. I may have to get rid of a few more things, I had planned to sell some of the toy storage so just need to actually try and do that. 

I think we will move in the spring, depending on how winter goes. Over the winter I will probably try and replace a few things, get rid of others. I'll need to keep distracted from the fact I probably won't be able travel for awhile still. This whole mixed vaccine thing is just making me upset. No one even bothers to make it look like they are doing anything to help. I am worrying about our March break cruises, and if we can't do them then I don't know what we'll be able to do instead, because I really must get away this winter. We will both be vaccinated and I just can't imagine we won't be able to finally travel. Even at the water park yesterday he was saying how much he can't wait to travel again. We miss cruising. I have a lot of vacation banked to use, just need to be able to travel!

Work has been busy, I covered for my boss for a couple weeks, that was too much. I have no desire to be a manager. At all. Now it's back to it, as people wind down their holidays and we move into a busy fall. One team member is leaving so it's the time to shuffle things and Lean the process. I am very excited, and know my manager is behind me. The changes are small but with a big impact. I do love Lean and getting rid of unnecessary steps. I feel like I'll finally be able to get this work into shape so anyone can step in and do the job. For now I am not looking to change positions. They are still allowing us to work from home, and I hope that I will be able to continue doing so forever. If the current boss has a problem with it, I will likely look for something else that will allow it. 

Visiting the doctor

 Summer is well underway, we've had HOT temperatures and then a few colder days, and now back to the heat. This week is vacation for me, along with next week. Sadly it's been pretty crappy so far. Our plans got torpedoed by a strange bump on Jackson's cheek, near his ear/jawline, that gradually became a swollen cheek. It started Monday, Tuesday I called the family doctor but was told he couldn't get a phone appointment until Wednesday. I called Wednesday at 8 when they opened and got an appointment to talk to the nurse practitioner at 9:15, sent some pictures and waited. At 9:30 we talked to her, answered questions and they set up an appointment to see the doctor (not his, he is on vacation this week as well). Went at 5:15 for that, apparently by then he had spiked a fever which made them give me dirty looks, well gee, it's likely an infection which tend to come with fevers so maybe prescribe some antibiotics so we can get that started? Nope, sent us off to the children's hospital. 

We went home to let the dog out since I knew it would be a long time sitting there, and off we went. By the time we got there, and parked, and found the doors, it was 6:45. We stood in line to get triaged, which was well over 30 minutes, they gave him a dose of advil for the fever, and sent us to the waiting room. We found seats and then waited. And waited. At 10:30 they put us in a room to see the doctor. I guess there was only one working because it was about 1 AM before we saw him. He did what the other doctor did, until I asked him about the ultrasound we were supposed to be there to get, and he kind of went "oh, ok, since that's why you are here". Couldn't see anything. Gave us a prescription, tried to give him a dose of antibiotics there but Jackson was throwing up by that point so I just took it home. He threw up before we got into the emergency room, and again after the doctor checked him out. And again in the car on the way home. By then it was all anxiety and worry, the family doctor told him he might have to do a covid test and he was very worried about that. So far we haven't had cause to be tested, and he wasn't there either. 

All to say, it was 8 hours from arriving at the hospital to getting home after 2 AM. Very tired but also wired and unable to really sleep, and hungry since we didn't have dinner. This all meant we didn't go to the water park again as we'd planned, and our trip to Toronto next week was iffy, but he really wants to go so I didn't cancel it. Now we hope for nice weather and the antibiotics to work. The swelling is coming down, he no longer looks like half a chipmunk, but he is still having trouble eating because it "feels weird". 

I have to say, I was unimpressed with the whole thing, this visiting the doctor in the age of Covid is really irritating. I also feel bad, I should have taken him to the hospital on Monday or Tuesday when it started. But there is nothing there, no marks, no obvious injuries or infections. I guess we'll never really know what caused it but I have said maybe we need to focus a little more on tooth brushing than we have been, and get some mouth wash or something to help? I don't know. 

At least he's been good about the antibiotics, reminds me when it's time for his mid day dose. Today I had a very bad migraine and was very out of sorts. Tomorrow we have no real plans, will probably do some cleaning and reorganizing. Sunday we go to my parents to drop off the dog and then Monday morning we head to the Toronto Zoo, followed by some shopping, time at the hotel (hope we can go swimming) and Tuesday to Wonderland. Which I hope goes well and the weather cooperates. Wednesday we go back to my parents to get the dog and come home. If he's feeling better we'll see about the water park on Thursday or Friday. I don't really want to go on a weekend if we can avoid it. And this is it for summer holidays, I didn't take a month off like I used to. 

I am really looking forward to the time away, even if we have to wear masks and I have to drive in Toronto. It has been a long time, we went there for one night last year but even less was open. I can't wait to be able to travel again. Though I have mixed dose vaccines so am not even sure when I'll be allowed to. Jackson will get his vaccines in December at the latest (depends when they approve for 5 to 11 year olds) and be all set. We have a Disney trip booked that I will cancel at some point, and cruises for March break, which may not happen. I may just book Disney for that time in case we can't cruise because of my vaccines. I am hopeful everything will be sorted by then. What is the point of getting vaccinated if life doesn't open up at least a bit? At some point we have to learn to live with this new disease. But I will get him vaccinated before we do anything too crazy. 

Summer

 The weather has been interesting so far this summer, between the crazy hot days and then cooler rainy ones. It's all over the place, but generally hot. I am glad the AC got fixed! So far we haven't done a whole lot, things are just reopening, with Ontario moving to phase 3 soon. We went to the waterpark yesterday and had a lot of fun, even though it was a mess. There was a problem with the pH and so slides weren't open. We did most of what we wanted to do, and had fun, I really do enjoy the lazy river, and he loves the wave pool. Those we were able to do a lot. It was nice to be "normal" but also strange because no one was social distancing, so I feel like we can't go anywhere or do anything for at least a week to make sure we didn't catch anything.

We have plans to go to Toronto for a couple nights in early August, we'll go to the Zoo for a day, then stay in a hotel near Wonderland for two nights, spending one full day there. I splurged on Fastlane, and also the meal and drinks for the day. So most everything is paid for, for that day at least. I will have to still pay for food at the zoo, and get parking there, but those tickets are bought already as well. It should be fairly open by the time we go. I believe the hotel we're staying at has a free breakfast, though I don't expect it to be much. It will just be nice to do something!

I changed all my cruises and trips around. With all the questions regarding vaccinated/not vaccinated I wasn't sure by December we'd be ok with the changes so I moved the RCL to March break and added a short 4 night cruise to that, and the Carnival to Dec 2023. So we have 6 cruises planned to the end of 2023. Plus a week at Disney, or a little more than a week I guess. I am still not sure on that, I have it booked/planned for December but I am worried about weather, and timing, and wonder if I should move it, but where to put it that won't be too close to the other vacations we have planned. In any case, we are eager to get travelling again and look forward to things getting more back to normal. Without me having to go back to work in the office of course. 

I had one week off this summer so far, and two more coming up in August. I didn't take much time off last year, but wanted a bit of a break this year. I look forward to sleeping in, probably going back to the water park, and the Toronto trip, even though I hate driving there and am scared of the rides at Wonderland. It will be a fun time. Life it ticking back towards normal, with some things that will probably stay in this new normal zone. I am thankful to be vaccinated, and hope that the rest of the world will be able to follow. I am super proud of Canadians for getting their doses in such high numbers, and while we had a rough start to the roll out it really seems to be picking up. 

Vaccinated.

 Today I got my second dose of vaccine. Because this is Canada it took over 8 weeks, and is different from my first dose. But it's done. Two weeks and I'll be "safe". Not that kiddo will be, sadly Ontario is giving me a hard time about getting him done until his birthday. If we lived in a different province he'd already have his first dose. Frustrating. We'll figure something out eventually I guess, but I do feel like I need to start planning for a backup vacation in December, or how to cancel what's booked, or part of what's booked. Any way, we'll see how that goes.

We have a few things planned for summer, the local water park is open by reservation so I booked it for the first Saturday it's open. We also booked a day at Canada's Wonderland near Toronto, and hopefully we'll go to the zoo as well. So much driving that will bug me but we'll manage. It'll be nice to have a vacation of sorts. 

Friday was the last day of the school year. All his friends who stuck with the school got t-shirts, pictures and a diploma. I'm a little sad his name won't be on the wall, he won't have those memories, but I also think he did better this year than if he'd been in classes. He learned a lot. I am a little worried that he will have a hard time in Grade 7, and it won't last. I am also worried that they will try and make me go back to the office, and I don't want to, at all. I quite like working from home and hope I can manage to remain doing so. I'd like to go pick up my stuff from work, it's all still there, but other than an occasional meeting, I want to be at home. 

I still have a lot of sorting to do here, lots of cleaning and reorganizing, but I do feel like it's on track. I also still have an urge to move. But I have stronger urges to travel. It's a strange dilemma, which one do I focus on. At least the AC has been fixed, I did a few things to fix things up. But there is still work to do, and frustrating critters in the garage. The AC was broken during the heat wave, they came to fix it a week later, we survived, went to the beach a lot actually. And had a mattress in the living room for Jackson to sleep on, apparently I snore too loudly to be able to stay with him. 

Todays dose seems to have made me sleepy, so I think I will be going to bed early tonight, will need to put little Olaf to bed early. He is adorable, and plays well with the dog. The other cats aren't keen on him but I think they will be eventually. Or he'll stick with the dog. Either way, he's cute, playful and healthy. And he sleeps in the guest room because he is a pain when it's sleep time. 

And now for Another Stay At Home Order

 Things are not good. While we are trying to roll out the vaccines, it is so slow! They finally really shut things down in the province. It sucks because the weather was finally improving and Jackson was looking forward to playing basketball with friends. Now he just has me, for 4 weeks. Hopefully by the time it's over, things will be much improved and lots of people will be able to get vaccinated. I'm not on the list yet. My parents have their appointment for the end of the month. My BIL is eligible and I'm sure has an appointment. My sister is close I think? She's 51 (though she denies it) and we're at 60+ now... getting there! 

Today is my last day of my super long weekend. Easter was ok. Quiet of course. We didn't really do much. He found some candy eggs I hid around, but that's about it. I got us a switch, and the games aren't here yet so he's been super irritating about it. I hate being asked the same question a million times. 

I guess we'll be going to play basketball a lot. Since we can only play with each other. Hopefully he will do well and I won't have to chase the ball too far. It will be good to enjoy the nice weather, and be able to get him some exercise and burn some energy. I should have bought the net for the driveway. I keep debating that, do I get it and then we move and maybe not have room for it? Or do I not and we just keep going to the park. I don't know. If we move to the expensive places, the park is right there. Like you can almost see if from the balcony. But the expense is a lot if we move there. Plus, moving. It's a pain. 

I guess we'll see what we do during this lockdown. Won't be much I suppose. I will pick up groceries, we'll play switch games, go play basketball. I'll try and cook and not get deliveries all the time. I'll work, he'll learn. We'll yell at one another. I will talk to the psychologist and feel better for a little while. I'm tired of it all. And it's only beginning. I do hope the break allows a lot of vaccines to be given so we can have a more normal summer. I really hope the waterpark opens, and we can go to the beach. Heck, I will take more time off if we can do some fun things. I have lots banked. And even having a good summer doesn't mean we'll be able to cruise in December. 

It's Beginning to Look Like Winter

 Snow is falling. We put up the tree, I decorated most of it, he helped a bit. It's boring I guess! I have put on all the ornaments that I really like, but it looks plain. I am wondering how much more I should put on there! And which colours. We have some assorted colours as well as some pink and purple ones. Hopefully the cats will leave it standing for 5 or 6 more weeks I guess. The new tree is a nice size at least, and the lights are fun, they can do different things but I have them on multi coloured. I'll have to get rid of whatever ornaments we don't really need any more. We do have too many! 

The snow may need to be shoveled tomorrow, we'll see. It is really coming down. I guess winter has decided to settle in! I still need to get Jackson new boots. It's easier to forget these things when we don't go out much. I'll order some this week and hope they fit him. I ordered a new snow coat, but still need to find snowpants. I am not sure how much he will play outside this winter any way, his friend down the street has moved away. Hopefully we'll still be able to go out and play, but he will be missing out on his recess friends. Of course with rates going up who knows how much longer schools will be open, even if he was going. 

I was reading back over my blog, for the past 9 years I've been wanting to give Jackson a sibling. Nine years! Why didn't I do something sooner? A message to anyone who reading who is thinking, do try! Go for it. Take a leap and don't wait for things to be perfect. With the shut downs going on, and my sad bank account, I am focusing on getting my health (weight) in better shape and saving up. I will be doing a no spend challenge in January/February, no eating out, nothing other than groceries, gas for the car and pet supplies. I will give Jackson his allowance of course, he'll get mad if he doesn't get it. But otherwise, nothing extra. Except my birthday, I will order dinner that night, I don't want to cook on my birthday! 

Hopefully I will be ready to do something in May, when I expect to get my back pay, possibly move, and have enough saved. I believe, because I am old and my eggs are dead, I will need to be on hormones for a few months to bring my cycle back and then I should be good to go. I may need to go back on synthroid, so by March or so I will talk to my doctor to get that going. Until then I am going to try and enjoy things as they are, and get ready. 

November

 A new month. So far, we've had snow followed by a week of high teens (Celsius). Weather is messed up but I am glad the snow is gone. It did remind me I need to get boots for Jackson. Normally I'd remember because of school but with him not going, it hasn't been on my mind. I think he'll need new snow pants as well, because I bet he will want to do something outside this winter. I have already started Christmas shopping as well, and since I get paid this week I'll do a little more towards that. We got a new tree, bought on Halloween, and I want to pare down the ornaments so we only keep one bin of stuff. The more I can get rid of, the better! Perhaps I will move in spring, or maybe not, who knows. 

Of course, as with the rest of the world, we watched the election results from the states. It was fascinating to watch, and lead to many interesting conversations. Comparing the way an election happens in the US to Canada. I'd call that a really good social studies lesson. With the results, I do feel a bit more hopeful we will be able to travel to Disney again someday. Not sure when, still have to watch covid cases come down, and the border to open, but someday. 

Unschool has been going ok. He is learning, which is always good to see. I wish it was more of what I think is important but that isn't really the point of this so we will keep going. Not sure what will happen next year, I don't think he'll want to go. And I am also not sure where we will be living. 

I have choices to make, so many things I want and wish for, not enough time and money for all of them. I seem to be terrible at making a choice and sticking to it! Follow through. Perhaps I have a bit of ADHD myself... I am trying to focus on the things that don't require a choice, that could lead in any of a number of directions. So, declutter more, get rid of some more stuff. Including the basement. I also need to get back on track with eating healthier and moving more. I have been very lazy lately. I did walk the dog a bit this weekend with the nice weather, but I fell off the exercise wagon hard. I need to start back on my walking, even 20 minutes a day would be good. I know I can do it. 

Cleaning up, getting rid of things, can be helpful if we decide to move, or stay, or add to the family. That's why it's important to me right now. I have maintained about 90% of what I did last year with the declutter lady. Some things are messy again, but it would be easy to tidy up if people were coming over. However I have not made any further progress really. Though I did do a bit of work upstairs in the guest room, mostly because kiddo wanted to put his computer in there. Which lasted about a month. 

My own health, well that is important regardless of what I want to do in the future, if we want to travel I will be fit and better able to do more. If we want to add to the family, I'll be in better shape to do that. If we just want to be more active, I'll be able to do that. Though I still don't like sports. I'll be buying more groceries this week, healthy things that will hopefully lead to healthy meals and not ordering in. I still don't like cooking. 

Less than two months to the end of this weird year. I wonder what 2021 will hold? hopefully calm and health. 

Almost August

Time seems to be moving very quickly. It's almost August! I wonder if it would feel slower if I were taking August off again. This is the first summer I haven't, my pay cheque/bank account are very happy about this. My mental health is holding in there. I don't have to worry about summer camps or daycare so it's easier in that sense. I am working, it's going along fine. Things are getting done, but I could use a little break. I am glad I'll have a 5 day weekend soon. I need it. 

July has been hot. It's too bad we can't swim, or even get to a beach. And now we really can't. Jackson fell off his bike two days ago and broke his arm. It's a buckle fracture so he only needs a splint, but it can't get wet, so no swimming. Hopefully it heals quickly and completely. I am glad we don't have a trip planned. He is still able to go out, he went out with a friend today on his bike. He took his phone this time though, and some water and hand sanitizer. Not that he can do the monkey bars with a broken arm, but still good to have on him. The heat has been making it hard for me to sleep. We have central air, but it doesn't seem to work that well upstairs. We have ceiling fans in the bedrooms thank goodness, they do help, but I still feel so hot all the time! I'm sure it's partly "the change" so not much I can do about it. 

I work in a unionized job, and we've been without a new contract since 2016, they are currently negotiating, again, and hopefully we'll get a new deal from this round of bargaining. Because of all the "phoenix" issues we are also supposed to get a small bit of money. I am planning to use part of it to pay off some bills and put some aside so we can move to the new places, still rent, but new and nice, and a bit smaller. No yard to work on, which will possibly be annoying for the dog, but I think we'll manage. I just hope we get this all sorted before the end of the year. I am also glad to have finally paid up the leave I took last summer, so my take home pay has jumped a bit. I'll be trying to continue living as though I don't get that extra and put it aside. 

I am 99% sure we'll be cancelling our December cruises, but am waiting to see if the cruise lines cancel them first. I have booked a 14 night cruise for January 2022. It is sad that we'll have to wait so long to travel, but I really want to have something to look forward to. I would have been planning for Disney or Universal next summer but I don't think we'll be doing that. The situation down there is a bit nuts and I don't want to risk it really. 

I am hoping I'll be able to continue working from home indefinitely, like forever. School will be restarting September 3, though we won't know what that looks like until early August. I am hoping it's back to classroom, but also worry it needs to still be safe, so not sure that will be the best option. The school at home thing did not work for us, I can't see that improving. He needs to be able to be around kids. Hopefully if they limit the classroom size he will be put in with some kids he likes. 

It's summer, we are doing what we can to enjoy it while staying away from other people. Jackson spends some time at my parent's and is able to go out with a few friends to play. Even with the broken are he's still able to ride his bike and get some activity. I am hoping we'll be able to move before next summer, and need to get some work done in the house. I'd like to have the declutter lady come back for another day and help with the basement. I have bought a few things for here and there, a fancy red garbage can for the kitchen and a new headboard for my room. I'm excited to get that and make my bed cozy. I hope to hire her for a day when I move in as well, to really help get off on the right foot and get things organized right away. I have a list of things we'll need and a budget for all of it, so I don't have anything unexpected, even the utility moving costs are calculated. 

Happy Belated Canada Day

I have realized, after having 5 days off in a row, that perhaps I should have booked some summer vacation. It was nice, to sleep in, to watch a lot of TV and such. It was nice to not get up early and do as I wanted through the day. I don't tend to workout as much though. I find the days I work, I am reminded to get up and move more so I get more steps in, and often need to step away from the work to do a short workout. I love the being able to sleep in, but I am mostly glad I am saving my vacation days for when life returns to "normal" and we are able to travel again. One other thing, I have saved so much sick leave. Normally I use it up almost as fast as I accrue it. I get migraines and have only had a couple since lock down began, I wonder how much of a part the lighting at work plays. Possibly hormones as well, since I also have still not had a period since Disney last August (which has been awesome, though sad at the same time). 

For Canada Day, we didn't even leave the house. Well, I did go get us cold drinks, an iced coffee for me and a slushy drink for him. There were no fireworks, no big celebration. I guess it's good it wasn't the 150 or something? To be honest, we don't really have a lot of plans for the whole of summer. I am bribing him to do some work during the week, which so far has not worked very well. It's pretty easy stuff, I would like to know he is up to speed when school restarts, depending on what that even looks like.

I am very glad that the main floor got decluttered in December, it has made a big difference in being able to enjoy the space a bit. I want to do more work upstairs but keep procrastinating, getting started is the hard part. It needs to be done though. The basement as well but we don't use that as much. It would be nice to get it done so we can move if we choose to, though the places I was looking at moving to are going to probably be out of my budget. And I may miss the backyard? Well the dog will miss the backyard, he loves chasing the bunnies out there. The places aren't quite as close to the walking trail, but not too far. And the park is right there. Hopefully that will open up soon, actually living right there beside it would be hard to resist. 

I have been walking, and working out. And my knees are feeling it. I guess I should have worked to lose more weight before trying any jogging. But the jogging does really feel good in the moment. It makes me feel strong and like I can do anything. The workouts I have been doing also make me feel strong. Though the first few days I also felt sore! It was kind of nice to feel like I had done something. And it improved, I got better at it. In only a few days. 

The province is still slowly moving forward, things have been reopening. I can walk into McDonalds now to order take out, which is nice for us. It's closer to walk than drive. I wear a mask, it makes it easier! Though of course that could kick me in the butt if I don't stick to the points. I hope the city pools open sooner than later, we love to go swimming and it would be nice when the weather is so hot. If the water park doesn't open I will look at going to the one in Quebec, though it's not as nice. We do need some things to do, to get him off the computer and moving would be nice. He has been playing with a friend, but not everyday. That's ok, somedays are better than others.

I have no idea what fall will bring, school's should open to some extent, and if not, well, it will be really hard to get him to do anything. I think if that happens I will have to really step up the bribes, or something. Some fights have not been worth it. My goals are to help him stop breaking things, and learn some emotional control over his anger. I have no idea if we will accomplish that over the summer or not! It would also be really nice if he could fall asleep on his own without me sitting there. Those are my goals for him. My goals for me are all about my health, losing weight, eating better, moving more. And controlling my own temper as well. He does know how to push my buttons. I know that to manage better, I need to take care of myself better. So the walking and exercise are key there. It has been really hot, so the walking has to happen early or very late. Somedays, it's too hot for the dog even early. I do go out myself those days. The dog gets to play fetch in the house and run around inside, thankfully he is small enough that is seems to be just enough. 

I am also working on myself and letting go of what I can't have. I have to let go of my big family dreams. I know it's not practical, I know it doesn't make financial sense. I know my body is done so the choices would be expensive. In my head, I know. In my heart? Oh I wish I could have two more kids, I wish we could be a big family. I have buried my dream in trips instead, and now that trips are off the table for awhile, it brings the family dream back around to my heart. Could I adopt? I don't know. I don't even know that I would really want to be pregnant again, it was not a good experience the first time. So my head should win this battle and perhaps convince my heart what to do, or I guess not do in this case? 

As for the trips, we have two cruises booked in December, but given the mess that the US is at the moment, in particular Florida, I have no idea if we would even be able to travel there. I'm not sure I want to! There is also the November election, what impact that could have. So perhaps we will try an all inclusive this year instead. Or spend another winter in the cold. Hey, if I don't have to drive to work maybe it wouldn't be so bad? And hopefully this work from home thing will be the way going forward, at least most of the time, with perhaps going in to the office on occasion? Honestly? I'd be totally ok with that. And given it looks like kids will only be in classes maybe two days a week, if that, it is probably going to be the way for at least the next school year. 

Last Day of Grade 5

Technically, school ends today. Though I think he's supposed to do work tomorrow. Considering he hasn't done anything since March, I don't think that matters. I am glad it's over though, I let it go but at least now I can officially say it's done. What the fall will bring, remains to be seen. The province has set out guidelines and we should find out in August what option our school board will choose. They are also (finally) updating the math curriculum and bringing it back to basics, this makes me so happy. I am hoping to get him to do something over the summer, but he is not me, and it isn't really likely to happen. I will keep trying though. Perhaps I can figure out the right bribe. 

But this also does mean that perhaps more friends will be available to play. He has one friend who is allowed to play, I hope they can spend more time together over the summer as well. I only have a few days off each month, I am choosing to save my vacation days for when this is all over and I can go away somewhere. Plus there really isn't a lot to do this summer, so much is not open or with a lot of restrictions. It's possible Jackson will spend a few days at my parent's at some point. 

I've been doing a lot of workouts, a lot. Walking, low impact workouts, and some new stuff. Also trying to eat healthy. It's really hard because I don't see a lot of results. I know, I am older, and my thyroid is a bit low. It's just a lot of work for little reward. I joined a group of ladies and we do a week day competition to get the most steps. Apparently I am competitive, last week I won through a lot of effort. This week is going better, so far. Next week will be hard because I have three days off, and I workout more when I work during the day. It will be hard but I will try. 

Puppy finally got his haircut, he was getting pretty hot with the heat wave we had, of course as soon as he's clipped, the temperature drops. Though that does mean both kiddo and I can go out a bit more. He doesn't overheat, and I am able to get a lot of walking in. I do hope it gets warm again, but perhaps not quite as hot as it was. At least not until the pools open again! 

Somedays I am thankful it's just the two of us, during this covid crap, it's probably easier to not have a very small kid. I will say, if I had it to do over, I would have gone for it. I wish I had. It is too late, I am 45, he's 10, and I don't have the money to do anything with donor eggs that would be needed. Plus all the travel restrictions, and I just have to give up. I don't think I have the energy or the patience. He is a lot. So much. I keep hoping things will improve, and yet they don't. It's hard, I can't understand it and I am not sure how to even handle him. I love him, he has so much potential, I do feel I made mistakes, and am not sure how to fix any of them. I wish we had a better relationship, and I really do blame the electronics so much. They damage people, and he's been on them for too much. I hope we get through this and come out with a better future. I would say though, don't wait. If you want kids, don't wait. Don't wait for it to be good timing or the perfect time or whatever. Find a way. 

3 Months

Schools here are officially not returning until fall. The plan for that reopening will be provided before the end of June. I'm anxious to see what they plan on doing. I have no idea how they can have all those kids in a classroom together, so we'll see what happens I guess. No way will online learning work for my kid. He has refused to do anything so far, and I can't face the fight over it. I wish it was different, but I just can't have that fight. We have enough other fights. 

Since I won't be sending Jackson to summer camps, not even sure if they will be running, I will be working from home all summer. It will be 3 more months of "this". This boredom for my son, this yelling and frustration over video games and YouTube. He worries, he wants to be able to do things, but he's also afraid to leave the house or do any of those things. 

We went to visit my parents last weekend, I was at my end and needed a break. So did he really. He spent the night with them, and did a bunch of work for my dad. They fed him well, he slept eventually, and he missed me, but when he got mad the next day he says he didn't. I missed him, it was strange to be home alone. I watched some movies, went to bed early, woke up at 3:30 with a migraine. Slept until 9 after that. I had 3 texts from him when I woke up, he woke up at 6:30, 7 & was eating breakfast at 9. He wanted to let me know he was having 5 pieces of bacon. 

Sunday I started working out again, and have been getting up and doing a workout before work everyday this week. Plus then walking the dog before it gets hot. It is so motivating to have it done early, I get my steps in and it's just done! It has helped me keep on track, though today has been worse, I ate some stuff at dinner I shouldn't have. There were 3 ribs left and some pasta, I didn't want to waste it. Otherwise I was on track. I'm even drinking water! Hopefully I will see a loss on the scale this weekend. 

The weather this week has been crazy hot. It is supposed to get back to normal which will be nice. My hair has been driving me nuts, so I cut it. Hairdressers are still not open here and at the rate we are going it will be July before they are. I couldn't wait that long. I think it looks pretty good, especially considering I did it myself. I'll go back to the hairdresser when I can. Maybe. Perhaps I will just keep doing it myself, save some money! The dog is able to go for grooming as they have reopened, but they are booked solid so June 24 is the first appointment I could get! Crazy. He will be in desperate need by then for sure. Another reason to keep him out of the heat. 

Since we will be home all summer, and I'm not sure if pools will even be open, we need to find something else to do. Not sure what, it will depend on what opens I guess. I wish we had a pool, and a big yard that someone else took care of. Even a basketball net would be something. Part of the problem now is that nothing is available though. I can't even find a decent, not too expensive, basketball net to buy. I guess we will figure something out. I have to admit, it would be a lot easier if it was just me, or if Jackson was younger and played with toys, or older and able to control his temper. 

There are times I am very glad I don't have a younger child, a baby would be difficult to get work done, and also it would be hard to do anything, even getting groceries could be tricky. I do not envy the single mother's out there with toddlers, well not at the moment any way. 

Another Week

Another week is done, new one starting tomorrow. Back to work. Last week was not too bad, we had a few disagreements, but in general it was ok. This weekend was actually good. Today was nice, there was no yelling! It was a bit strange for sure, I think there is always yelling in this house. It was a good day. I hope it continues, but know we will backslide and then move forward again.

Tomorrow is May the Fourth. We will watch the last Clone Wars episode, and he says he will watch lots of Star Wars all day. I have to work but I'll take a coffee break to watch the show. It's something we like to watch together. Hopefully the weather will  be nice and we can go for a walk. Well, I can go for a walk any way. Jackson hasn't left the house since April 1st I think. Around then any way.

We've been doing well with meals, I make a list, he chooses what he wants every day for lunch and dinner. Well, today he didn't get to choose, I had a chicken to cook so it went in the crockpot and was very yummy. Lots of leftovers which I will have for lunches I think. Tuesday will be Tacos, since it is May 5th and Taco Tuesday. I am looking forward to that one too.

It is weird to only be able to shop once a week, and at one store. I normally would shop a few places and get stuff on sale. This week I spent a fortune, way more than I should have, but feel I got a lot of stuff. I hope so any way! Still always need more apples and other fruit. I should only need a few things this coming week though, I hope. Though I do need to get cat and dog food. Which will require a curbside pick up somewhere I guess, or delivery, but I need it by Friday, and not sure I can get anything delivered by then. I guess I'll figure it out.

I've been trying to be more active and really follow my weight watchers. I'm meeting my fit points goal, taking the dog for a walk everyday after supper at least. And I started a 30-day challenge for Abs & Butt. It's hard though! I think I need to take it down a notch, there are some moves I just can't do. I'm doing a 10 minute arm workout every second day, which leaves my arms feeling heavy and sore. I guess that's good. I would like to start getting up earlier during the week and doing a 30 minute Walk before I get to work. As long as I am working from home it makes sense.

I feel that I will be working at home for awhile, even as things start to open back up I imagine I will be here for a few more months. Everything I do, I can do from here. I'd rather stay safe at home. But I also would like Jackson to be able to go to school, or at least go out and play with friends. I can't wait for him to be able to do that again. I know he misses his friends, and playing games with them.

Weekend boredom

It's Saturday. Jackson slept in, I slept in more. We've had breakfast. Now what? His days are mostly the same no matter what day of the week it is. He refuses to do school work or leave the house so he plays video games, watches Youtube, bounces around with his soft soccer ball. Eats snacks, and that's about it! In the evening we turn on Disney + and watch Clone Wars or whatever other Star Wars shows he wants. But my days are different. During the week I have to work, and so sit at the table with my laptop for 8 hours or more. Between providing snacks of course. I take the dog for walks, usually in the early afternoon for a work break, and after dinner. Except part of this week because it's been so cold and rainy.

Now it's the weekend. I can go watch something on TV, take the dog for an extra walk. I should be cleaning up the backyard and the leaves in the front, but our rake broke last fall and I didn't replace it. Now that purchase is a process, place the order, wait for the call to pick it up, sit in a line up of cars getting curbside delivery. I should do this of course, I do need the take after all, but life was so much easier when I could just go to the store and buy one! I'd have gone yesterday. Oh well. It's supposed to rain again tomorrow so I will wait a few more days.

I hate lawn care, I am scared of the lawn mower so I use a weed wacker type thing, and a push reel mower, but neither does the best job. I have been looking at electric mowers, like with a battery. There is one on air miles I could get, wouldn't have to pay for it! But then my air miles are all gone and I will have to start saving them again, which is harder now that things are slowed down. Not that I can go anywhere any ways. But I was hoping for that December trip to still be a thing, and might have used some for the hotel night before the cruise. Maybe.

Now Jackson also wants a switch, he is obsessed with that Animal Crossing game, I don't know why. Of course you can't get it for Xbox so he wants a switch. I am not wanting to spend $400 on that! I will consider saving up some optimum points, maybe in another month or two I can afford to use those to get it for half price or something, but honestly, it's more likely to be Christmas before I could. And do we need a second gaming machine? Honestly? I don't see why. He has a lap top now too after getting that back from my parents. I'm just not feeling it. So I will attempt to push him off and hopefully he will get over it and move on to something else. Two weeks ago it was a basketball net.

It's kind of funny, in my normal life, I don't do a lot on the weekend, get groceries, clean the house a bit, do laundry. But now that I can't do anything, I want to. I want to be able to take him swimming again, to go to the park and watch him play basketball with his friends. Walk the dog, ride my bike. Ok, maybe not ride the bike, I need a padded seat before I do that again :-) Now with nothing to do, I worry and stress and make plans that will probably never happen. I have already made a list of lunches and dinners for the next week, he gets to choose from the list so he can't complain or make a problem.

I'd like to diet, to exercise, to lose 50 lbs before life reopens (not a realistic goal of course) but when it comes down to follow through, I lose it, I can't do it. I get into a funk and fall apart, want to just have naps and read books and start at screens. I am aware of my own anxiety and depression tendencies, I recognize it when it comes over me. I know when I need to force myself to move and do things. I also know the things I need to say to myself, to talk myself back into living a bit.

This weekend will be another boring one I guess. I should trim the hair on the dog's ears, he keeps getting them in his food. The cats all need their nails cut. The weather today promises to be nice so I will walk the dog, though avoiding people while doing that can be a bit tricky. I will cook whatever meals the boy wants. He had thought we could do a pretend cruise day, one of his friends did it with Disney so Jackson thought a cruise day would be fun. But apparently now he doesn't think it's a good idea. We'll see if I can pull something like that off, maybe tomorrow when it's rainy and I won't want to go anywhere. If only I had been able to find the ice cream he likes at the store. And who knows, maybe later today I will cave and buy that rake so I can clean up the yard.

Easter 2020

Our normal Easter is with my parents, normally a big dinner with family, lots of talking and laughing. Today was different. Kiddo woke up at 4 AM and did manage to go back to sleep (thanks to Kit Kat who snuggled with him), and then got up at 7. He found the few Easter eggs I had hidden around the house, ate a lot of candy, and I went back to bed! I really overslept, and got up in time for lunch. Around 4 we did a group face time chat with my parents, my sister and her house, and my niece. It was nice to see everyone, and chat.

After the chat I made dinner, ribs and pasta for the boy, some stuff from the freezer for me. It was good, nothing special. All the days seem to blur together now so it's hard to say really that it was special or not. Everyday is pretty much the same, except the ones I have to work from 7 to 3:30. Which is a few days away again.

The animals enjoy us being home, the cats like to sleep near us, the dog is happy to not be confined all the time. I wonder how long it will last. But I wonder how long this will last for many reasons. I am fully expecting to not go back to the office until at least September. Even if I can go in to work, will there be daycamps available for the summer? And will I be able to afford them now, everything just keeps getting more expensive. I have people say they just moved their gas budget over to pay extra for groceries, great but my gas budget is about $30 every two week as it is, that isn't making up the difference in grocery costs.

Oh well, we'll manage. I am thankful I have a job still, am getting paid, and have options for how to proceed. If my child wasn't quite so picky when it comes to meals I would be much happier. Where did I go wrong there... At least we are still eating. I am eating too much, it is really hard to stick to a diet at all. Exercise is hard to do as well, I have the time but lack the motivation, and the weather is still cool. I am trying to keep active, hopefully the weather will improve, and if I have until September, perhaps I will be able to really get in shape and lost weight.

Jackson commented yesterday that he wishes he could go to school. What a change that is, but really he wants to be able to play with his friends more than anything else. He misses them and the games they played. Hopefully things will lighten up eventually. I know, I see the meme's, we aren't being asked to go to war or anything, just to stay home.

I am concerned about the trip I have booked for December, hopeful we will be able to go, but realistic that it probably won't happen. I have two back up cruises in mind for December 2021 instead, options to look at once I know better what's going on and when life will return to new normal.

And so it goes. Easter is over, candy is eaten. We remain at home, and the family will get together when this is all over, hopefully before Thanksgiving.

Epic Homeschooling?

Well things ramped up pretty quick, and it is an interesting time to be living. Schools are closed for March break and then two weeks, but at least two provinces have closed them "indefinitely" so I'm sure ours are to follow. I am lucky that I can work from home, not lucky that I am considered essentially and actually have to. Hopefully they will be accommodating, I do not have a lot of options for childcare! Thought my parents and sister's family have offered to help. At least this week I am on vacation, which so far involves walking the dog, listening to the boy complain about his video games, and trying to avoid the stores. So far, not going that great but not terrible.

Last night I was talking to him about how starting next week we would need to do some school type work, and showed him a schedule I had done up. He asked to move a few of the blocks around and was excited to get started. So this morning, at 9 AM he said "time for the epic homeschooling!" and off we go. It isn't so bad, so far. But he is a handful and even the two hour activity breaks do not seem to be enough for his mental health. He needs to be active. I did order a small indoor trampoline for us and hopefully it comes Monday! Also some books to learn cursive and work on multiplication tables. I also get him to do 10 minutes of reading (his reading level is really high so I'm not worried about that) and this morning he did a slide show to present me with information on covid 19. I am hoping to get him to do a few online programs as well, we'll see. There are a lot of resources being made available for parents and children since we are not supposed to be interacting with anyone.

We did go visit my parents yesterday, I'm not sure we'll be able to do that again any time soon, but it was nice as it was. I've stocked up on pet food, we have enough for the 3 weeks, and we'll go from there. For us, I will probably need to get some things this week but it will be later and not a lot. I am sad I didn't get my hair cut last week, since now who knows when I will be able to do so. It is bugging me but I will survive, it's just hair after all!

So now here we are, homeschooling... trying to keep him active and yet calm, he has always been one to get worked up about stuff, and this is the same. I hope we can manage to get through this without any blow out fights. I am glad we had already cancelled the cruise we should be on right now, that would have been difficult to sort out with refunds and stuff. At least this way, we have the one in December to look forward to and hopefully enough time before then to settle things down. If the dollar keeps dropping though it could be a very expensive trip! But one I think we will really look forward to going on.

Life goes on. I am not worried about catching this thing ourselves, slightly concerned for my parents because they are older and have had health problems, including my mom's diabetes. We will survive this, things will probably change significantly, and in the end, we will be stronger for it.

Feels like end of days

This Covid-19 thing is really getting annoying. It has sure escalated quickly. I guess at this point I am glad I cancelled my cruise plans for March break, given we'd likely end up quarantined or something. At least now I just have a week of March Break, avoiding crowds, and then TWO WEEKS of closed schools. So 3 weeks at home. I mean, I am able to work from home, so it should be ok, but wow... it's quite a thing! It seems everyone is in full on panic mode. Stores are nuts, shelves are bare, what are people doing? Do they think they will never be able to leave their home again? I just don't understand. I certainly don't have two weeks or more of food in the house. I do plan to buy 2 weeks of cat and dog food when I get paid next week, but I do that any way. For kiddo and I, well we could manage with what's in the house for a few days any way. But I certainly don't have a stock pile of things. I have a grocery list for this weekend, I can only hope the items will be in store!

I am off work until March 23rd, then working from home until April 5. It's crazy. I mean it's kind of nice, I like working from home, I feel I get more done, but it will be weird for sure. And it will be harder on the kid. Two weeks is a long time for no school, no going out. And he is not using my new laptop for playing his video games. He broke my last one, I had to get a replacement rather quickly, and now I finally received it. It is nice, and new, and pink, and not for his use! I will have to lock it up or something.

He has been getting to and from school on his own for a couple weeks now. Doing well with it, except eating chips for breakfast. Instead of cereal or toast or something. We will have to work on that. At least he hasn't been late or anything. Now the weather is starting to get nicer, it will be even better.

I have joined WW, again, and am starting to walk again. The sidewalks have cleared up well enough to go and not slip around. I am not doing great but am hopeful, and I have lost a pound or so. I hope to lose more, and perhaps being home for 3 weeks will help. I will at least be able to go for a good walk at lunch time. Perhaps I can start running. It is hard, normally sometime in January or February I start exercising in the basement, but this year I didn't. I have not been getting enough sleep, been lazy, and gained some extra weight. I signed up for 6 months, I hope it will be enough time to get some good habits. We'll see!

January

This new year has been flying by in some ways, and crawling in others. I start a new position at work on Monday, meaning I have to go back to my old building, and find parking. I posted about it on facebook and got so many messages from work people who are happy to see me back, a lot of we can go for coffee or come see me messages. It is nice to feel liked. I am happy to be seeing them all again, and the past two years have been good for me I think. The manager may have been nuts but she did help me feel like I am a strong employee with a lot to offer. I have 15 years experience, ranging across the spectrum of jobs, from working with customers to headquarters supporting field workers and projects as well. I know stuff. I remember stuff. One of the guys says I have the memory of an elephant. I guess I do. The commute to the new job will suck, one of the bridges to get there is closed so it pushes traffic onto fewer roads. And I still haven't sorted out parking, which really sucks. And is going to cost more than I can afford right now.

Money, budgets, wow do I suck at this stuff! I am still paying for going to Disney and totally over spending. I really need to get it together or we not only won't be moving but we won't be able to go away in December. Focus on the budget and sticking to it. It is a big harder since I've been eating keto. I haven't actually lost any weight doing it but I feel better (except that I have been waking up with headaches a lot). My stomach has been running well, no tummy troubles, and I am starting to feel the energy benefits. I know it will take a bit longer to really get those (it's only been 2 weeks). I just can only hope I can afford to keep doing this, and to get the cats back on canned food. I had to give in and buy them dry food for the next two weeks, this job change is costing more because of the parking uncertainty.

Weather has been interesting, we seem to get storms on the weekend, Saturday into Sunday morning, spend Sunday shoveling and then the week is usually ok for the most part. I guess it is good since it means I have all day Sunday to shovel. I didn't hire anyone this year, hoping to use a one time service when needed but so far I haven't needed to. I do hope we can move before next winter, and we'll have a smaller driveway. the current one is two car lengths long, one wide, but we're on a corner which means we get the big dump of snow from the plow when it goes around. Go even 2 or 3 cars down and they get less than half what we do.

Jackson and I have been struggling, we have had a few blow outs about his lack of respect, he takes out his anger over things on me. I can only handle being called very mean things for so long before I get mad and say things I regret. I get that he feels "safe" with me to call me these things and he doesn't know how else to deal with what he is feeling. In my head I understand it, but dealing with it is very hard. I have so many other things I'm trying to deal with and of course he hits on all my insecurities, making me feel even worse. We're working on it but it is a trial. I am hoping next week goes ok in the morning so I am not late for work! And hopefully in 6 weeks we'll be able to have him out of daycare, getting to school on his own and home again after, so I can shift my hours to an earlier start. Possibly able to work an extra 30 minutes each day and have a day off every 3 weeks. We'll see!

As for moving, I waiver. My landlord has raised my rent for the first time since I moved in here, it is still less than I'll end up paying at the new places, and the house itself feels so much better after the decluttering was done. But there are still things I'd like to change, and have updated, and I do not look forward to dealing with the rotten deck, and grass cutting, in the summer. Even though I will have to this year any way since I won't be able to save enough until fall for a move. I do plan to slowly replace a few things before we move any way, like my headboard and the garbage can in the kitchen, maybe the TV & stand. I may get a new microwave as well, the one here came with the place and still works but there is this retro red one that looks so cute and goes with the new coffee maker I have. So I'd like to update a few things like that.

Of course I still need to declutter the guest room, the basement, and my own room and kiddos room. Our rooms are a bit less important, they have clothes in them, and probably some garbage, to be collected, but a lot of old clothes are in bags in the guest room (along with a bunch of other stuff that needs to go). I need to arrange for a donation pick up, or to drop stuff off somewhere, the pick up being easiest in terms of just putting a label on the bags/boxes and putting them outside. I had planned to do that for Feb 3 but perhaps I will wait a bit longer. I have not done anything about any of it, to be honest. I haven't even printed off the labels. The stuff upstairs should be pretty easy, label the bag and it can go out. Some stuff still needs to be in a bag, but that's easy. The stuff in the basement is harder since I don't have boxes of the right size so not sure what to do about it, I could put stuff in bags instead of boxes, but I will need more bags for that. And there is the storage room which has a lot of stuff in it, in boxes from when we moved. Some of it things like a quilt I started before kiddo was born, or the stuff from when I had a little side business making lotions. Things that I would someday like to get back to.

A lot of what remains will depend on which place I decide to move to. I think we really only need two bedrooms. The third would be nice as a place for his xbox and such but we don't need it. We won't have a lot of storage unless we move to the town home, rather than a two level flat. I want a town home since it will have a garage, for the car and his bike. But the other places will likely cost a lot less, so how much do I want to spend every month? I should save something on the utilities, I hope. But of course there will be set up fees for all the services. There will also be other things to get like new curtains, and breakfast bar stools. I will not have a kitchen/dining room table, we don't really need it if there is a breakfast bar to sit at for me to eat at. He eats in front of the TV any way, and I am tired of that fight.

January has been slow and long at the same time. Work was frustrating, trying to finish things, keep motivated to keep working, when I should have been let go to the new job well before I was. Now I'll play catch up on the new position and hopefully it will go well. Money has sucked, as always, and I need to pay better attention to it. At least I am eating pretty well, and Jackson is still eating a lot. He went skiing for the first time and had a lot of fun. Hopefully we get through the next few weeks well and can make it to spring without any problems. And he'll be ready to get to school on his own. Fingers crossed.

Winter already?

What is with the weather? A snow storm already, why is it starting so early??? I just do not like winter and snow. Yet I am Canadian, I mean we live in this. I have been here 44 years, I should be used to it! But wow this seems early. I don't know what I am going to do to get through this. I have a hard time going out and even walking in the snow. I don't ski, I don't skate. It will be hard to keep us busy and hopefully active. I hope the roads are ok by morning, or the commute will be terrible and I have a meeting in the afternoon that I need to be at work for. At least it's a short week, only 3 days to get through. But then it's full weeks until Christmas! Ugh again. I may need to take a day off to do my Christmas shopping, sometime in mid-December I guess.

Jackson really wanted a Star Wars birthday with the new movie, but the theatres don't do parties over the holidays so we can't. He's sad. I'm sad. But we'll go see it together. I will get us tickets soon. It will give us something to do over the two weeks off. It meant a back up plan for the party, so we are looking at swimming again. At least he likes to swim and everything. So hopefully that will be fun? It's about the same cost, and same number of kids. If we had a nicer, cleaner, more organized home it would be possible to do a movie party with coming back for cake I guess. But that's not an option this year at least. Maybe if we move.

I wish we could go on a trip this winter. I'm not sure how well I will survive it. I am trying to hold on to the thought of moving, thoughts of having another baby, but what I really want is a cruise and beaches. That's a "right now" kind of thought I guess. What the kid wants, a cell phone with a plan and a new computer. Since he's been using mine, he broke his table, I kind of wish he had his own as well. At least then I wouldn't be spending so much time in the basement. Though the cats are happy about that, they like to play with their toys without the dog trying to get in on the action. He's been playing a lot of fetch in the house, which he seems to love. We thought we lost his ball but found it. Now we have a back up since I bought a new one just in case.

We are going to my parents this weekend, need to stop and get kiddo's new passport photos done as well. Might as well get that sorted. It's hard to believe it was 5 years ago we got his first passport and were getting ready for our first trip. It sparked a love of cruising and Disney. One that I hope we can enjoy many more times.

Hot summer time

School is over. Summer has arrived. It has been super hot and humid here the past week. I believe it's supposed to break tomorrow, so I'll be able to get the dog out for walks again. We have missed a few days, the pavement is just too hot for his poor feet and it doesn't even cool off over night. I don't mind for me so much, I could go for walks in this weather any way, but I feel bad taking the dog out in it (he's black and it just makes him roast). So we played fetch and he played with some toys, and I'll give him a frozen bone this afternoon to chew on.

We are really looking forward to the Disney trip at the end of August. I'm getting tickets for the halloween party through airmiles so they'll be free, that's a nice little savings, and a fun way to end the trip. Pay in full day is approaching, but I have two pay cheques in between so it will be fine. Flights are booked already, we got the fastpasses I wanted and a few dining reservations, mostly for quick service places but it gives us a guaranteed place to sit, and once we order they bring us the food.

Trying to change banks is a tricky business. I got all the card/cheques/stuff from the new bank, so once I get paid on Wednesday I'll change my account for my pay, and start from there... hopefully it all goes smoothly but you never know I guess! I look forward to not paying the bank.

I have been busy planning trips, so I don't focus on things I don't want to deal with. Like kiddo's problems, or the fact I still wish I had a bigger family. Realizing that some of the difficulties so far in parenting have been due to the diagnoses and wondering if another child would have been as hard. I suspect it would have been different and perhaps hard in other ways, but a lot of the difficulties would not have been a given the second time around. The problem now is cost, and if I want to have another I have to stop with the trips. But if it doesn't work I will have not gone on these trips that we would both enjoy. I will make a further decision in the fall, after Disney and after we are both seeing someone. I intend to also seek a therapist to help me deal with all of this, from his issues to my own thoughts and wishes. No trips would mean I could afford to do at least one round of donor eggs in Syracuse.

I will take him to the doctor in early August for a referral/prescription, get one for myself as well, and go from there. I know there are going to be waiting lists but I don't think it will be that bad. I will ask the doctor about medication for him, though I don't really think it will help. We have been working on his anxiety, and doing a workbook I found on amazon. So far I'm not sure if it really helps but it gives us a starting point to think and talk about.

He has camp next week, a different place than he usually goes in summer. I know he will have fun, there is swimming daily, and a field trip on Wednesday. He will be with kids 8 to 10 years old, and they will be active all day. I am crossing my fingers he will really enjoy it so he can go next year as well.

He's learned how to make instant rice and chicken noodle soup now. He can do popcorn in the  microwave, make toast and microwave a hot dog. My mom will teach him a few things, like scrambled eggs, when he's there with her at the end of the month. Now to teach him to do laundry :-) He already likes to clean toilets, vacuuming is too loud though. He needs to learn a few skills, he is almost 10!