Mid-August update

 Hard to believe summer is winding down and it's almost fall! We haven't done much this summer, it's hard with all the restrictions but we are trying. He has been getting out with friends, to the park and such, and now that his splint is off he's able to get back to the monkey bars and everything. Today we wanted to hit a beach. We tried one in Ottawa but it was packed and I was uncomfortable with staying there so we went over to Gatineau to Lac Leamy and it was fine. The water was pretty good, not Caribbean Ocean good but not weedy and gross so that was a nice thing. He got a bit of a burn because he felt he didn't need to wear his rashguard since he's a "man" now. Hopefully this will be a lesson but we'll see! He got clean at least. We will be going to the aviation museum before school starts as well, he's really into planes right now so I thought it would be a good choice. It's the other end of town, and closed a couple days, you have to buy tickets in advance, but I think it will a good day trip kind of thing. A few hours any way. 

I have decided to send him to the classroom. I am not sure it's the right choice, I hope we get more information from the school before it's time to go back, but he wants to go and there will be a couple friends there for sure, but also many doing online. If it come to it though, I'd likely just pull him out completely and say let's homeschool. The online plans are actually decent to me, at least what the ministry is saying has to happen. But I have no idea how the school will roll it out, and that's the worry. He went through a day or so where he thought staying home would be better, but when he learned it's mostly synchronized learning, so he has to be logged on with a teacher for 225 minutes a day, he said no way. 

I am waiting for details on how school will work, who his teachers are, the classes, who will be there. I believe they will split the immersion and non immersion kids, so he won't be in class with his little nemesis. But I am not sure if they will all be going to recess together or kept separate there too. Which is good, but also one of his friends in in non-immersion. Funnily, the few kids he has been playing with this summer, will not be going back to in school. One may start up again in November, I guess depending on how it goes. And I am not sure we'll make it that long. Any sign of trouble, whether covid or with teachers, we will just not be doing it. I'm tired of all the difficulties we have had with him in school, and while he has had a lot of time to mature in the almost 6 months since school wrapped up, I suspect there would still be some problems. So... I'll be working from home (forever if I have my way) and so we can homeschool in the unschooling manner, with projects and self directed learning. I am sorely tempted to do that any way, but am giving grade 6 a chance before we make that decision. 

In the meantime, I am doing a lot of homeshooling research, and we are doing some learning. Planes right now and an eye to how to become a pilot or design planes, what do we need for those career paths. We've talked about air cadets when he's 12, and how that is a great (and pretty much free) way to learn some basic flying. Aerospace Engineering as a career, what courses would be good to have towards that. Now, we'll just have to get him over the fact the throws up even at the thought of being on a plane. 

Back to School Decisions

Local school boards have finally released their plans for back to school. For kiddo's board, the elementary schools will be back to full days. They will have staggered starts and breaks, but we won't get those details until schools send more information in another week or two. We have until this Friday to decide if we will do online or in class. Whatever you choose, you are stuck to until end of October. The kids will have to wear masks, have one seat, do their work online in the platform the board uses. The online kids will be at home, and able to contact teachers for help. They will be able to collaborate with the in class kids apparently. 

Details are still a little fuzzy on how the staggering will work, and how many kids will be in a group. The classes will be online and in class kids together. Teachers will rotate into the class, so kids will have their own little "island" of a desk, with all their stuff. That will be fun in winter. They will have to come up with something for the boots and such. 

I have contacted those parent's I know, and so far, of the 6 kids, 3 are doing online only, 2 are going to in class and one is probably going to in class, but his mom is a teacher and looking for more information first. Jackson wants to go. I think he should. But. I am prepared to pull him out, and I mean take him out and home school instead. Actually unschool. To be honest, I think it would be better for him in any case, but I don't want to pull him out if he is not ready. So I give the school a week or two before he wants to never go again. The problem I have is that I will have to get over what I think he needs to learn versus what he wants to learn. I can't help him with French, he doesn't want to do "regular" learning. But he is learning, he can tell you anything you want to know about planes, different types, various airlines, how to land, what the differences are. If he keeps it up I am hoping to put him in air cadets at 12, he wants to learn to fly and that would be the least expensive way to do it. I know he'll have other things that come up that he wants to learn more about. And it would be freeing to not be tied to the school year for vacations and such. But... can we do it? We may find out. 

For me, work is not going well. I am not enjoying it and wish I could change jobs. I am waiting for the union to sign our new contracts and then get some back pay and a raise. I can't wait for that! I am trying to do my job, trying to not hate it but I am not inspired by what I'm supposed to do, at all. It is frustrating to be dealing with a system that was built with so many issues. I mean it's practically new, only a year or two old, and yet there are so many things that it can't do, yet I'm asked to try and get the information. I wish I was back on a project, even if it meant just writing stuff again. I don't know what to do in the current climate, finding a new position will not be easy. And I really want to be able to stay home as long as possible, like another 10 years until I can retire if possible. My retirement course in early September will be online, perhaps I will learn more then about what I need to do over the next 10 years. 

The townhomes we want to move to are going up for rent, but only the ones on the main road and I want the back ones on the quiet street. We don't have first/last yet any way so we'll have to wait. And then I keep waivering. perhaps we should stay here for another year, save some money, buy a house instead of renting? But renting is so much easier for maintenance, not having to replace things. But if we homeschool, and I can work from home, we can live anywhere, a house in the country with a big yard, or some place else near by that is less expensive. I guess we'll see what happens over the next couple months. 

August 2020

It's August. Normally around now I'd be celebrating the start of my holidays, looking forward to 5 weeks of time off. This year is different, no vacation plans this summer, we're home any way so no day camps. No swimming lessons, nothing really planned. I am off this weekend, extra long with a couple extra days off. I'll have a few days off the week before school starts, I may move them depending on the actual start date. Facebook keeps reminding me that I'm normally enjoying time off, but I am holding strong and waiting to use the vacation days either when we move or in the winter, should travel again be an option. Unlikely but I'm always hoping! 

An interesting development the past few days. Kiddo has not been playing any video games. On computer or xbox. His choice. He says his laptop is not broken but I haven't checked. He is still watching videos, and hanging out in the tent we got him a few years ago from Ikea. As a result, it's like he has matured over night. He is helpful, we have good conversations, he is learning some cooking skills. And while he's had one or two mild blow ups, it is nothing like what it normally is. I have proof that those darn games are horrible on his brain. Imagine if he gave up the youtube! 

While school is due to start in early September, either the 3rd or 8th depending on what they tell us, we are starting to plan for it. We will go get him new runners a week or so before, my parents offered to pay for them. We will also need some more pants for him, he's growing taller and taller. I am not sure how much longer he'll be in kid clothes to be honest. He is catching up to me in height! We have a dozen or so masks for him to use in school, and I will make sure he has hand sanitizer to take even though they will have a sink in the class room. I think he'll need some new pens and such as well, though it appears almost everything will be done on chromebooks. He has his own, thank goodness, so he'll be able to take that daily and use it. He wants a mouse with it as well, which shouldn't be a problem. We have a corded one he can take but I may get him a cordless one to use. 

Still trying to get my steps in every day, keep up the exercise, but it's gotten hard with some heat waves we've been having. Today I did walk the dog and kiddo came with us! Which was super great and I was really happy he came with us. He rode his bike, walked it at a few points. I think the exercise was good for all of us. 

A month until schools restart, what a strange year this has been. 

Those back to school plans

Provinces are starting to roll out their back to school plans for the fall. It is interesting to read them all and see the variation across the country. Ontario announced their plans this afternoon and the school boards will take that and let us know what they intend to do. I look forward to more details but am happy with what I've read so far. Kids in grade 4 through 12 will wear masks, I have 10 so far for kiddo and a few more on the way, so he can wear two a day at least. They will go full week, full days, and stick to their cohort. That needs to be clarified. I have emailed the school to ask if Jackson can be in a class with a couple of his friends and not his enemy. Hopefully his class will be his cohort. 

I am glad they are going back to full days, however I am prepared to pull him from school, whether to do the online stuff they are supposed to be providing for those who don't want to send their children, or to homeschool him. Or rather unschool him I guess. It will be interesting to fit this in to work, but I have no intention of going back to the office until there is a vaccine or very well established protocols in place to keep us all safe. Work is a bit different from school, more people, smaller spaces, no windows that open. 

Things have been going ok for us. He has been able to get out with friends a bit. Last week he was riding his bike and fell off. We spent a morning in the ER and he has a buckle fracture, so he's been in a splint for a week so far, two more to go! Then two weeks he has to be careful with it (so wear the splint while he is biking or playing outside). I am hoping the friends he is going out to play with will be in his cohort. 

We went yesterday to look at the townhomes that are coming up for rent soon. They are really nice, well finished and a good size. I am hoping we will be able to move for November or December, it is a lot of work, so much work. I am crossing my fingers and need to work out a plan. I also need to make sure I can afford it. My income has gone up a bit since I am not taking the unpaid leave this summer, and also my union just finally came to a new deal with my employer. It isn't signed yet but just a matter of time. That will take a long time to get sorted but the almost 6 years of back pay will be nice when it comes, if I could wait to move until then it would be ideal but I don't think the places will still be available. They are super nice, and of course close to his current school, and closer to the high school. They are also right beside a park with basketball net so he can play a lot, and his friends who go the park to play will be close by. Part of me thinks it is probably silly to move, but we have been in this house for 7 years I think? I'm not used to be in one place for so long, and changing schools isn't a good option. Purchasing is not an option, homes are far too expensive for what I want. 

The place also has 3 bedrooms, which would be awesome if I decide to have another child. Which I shouldn't do. It would be too much. Just that every time I read about someone else, another SMC, having a second (or third) baby, it makes me sad and full of regret. It would be lovely but I know it's not realistic. I can't even say "someday" as my days are running out. For now, Jackson will have two rooms for himself, and I will continue to be sad that I don't have 3 kids. 

Almost August

Time seems to be moving very quickly. It's almost August! I wonder if it would feel slower if I were taking August off again. This is the first summer I haven't, my pay cheque/bank account are very happy about this. My mental health is holding in there. I don't have to worry about summer camps or daycare so it's easier in that sense. I am working, it's going along fine. Things are getting done, but I could use a little break. I am glad I'll have a 5 day weekend soon. I need it. 

July has been hot. It's too bad we can't swim, or even get to a beach. And now we really can't. Jackson fell off his bike two days ago and broke his arm. It's a buckle fracture so he only needs a splint, but it can't get wet, so no swimming. Hopefully it heals quickly and completely. I am glad we don't have a trip planned. He is still able to go out, he went out with a friend today on his bike. He took his phone this time though, and some water and hand sanitizer. Not that he can do the monkey bars with a broken arm, but still good to have on him. The heat has been making it hard for me to sleep. We have central air, but it doesn't seem to work that well upstairs. We have ceiling fans in the bedrooms thank goodness, they do help, but I still feel so hot all the time! I'm sure it's partly "the change" so not much I can do about it. 

I work in a unionized job, and we've been without a new contract since 2016, they are currently negotiating, again, and hopefully we'll get a new deal from this round of bargaining. Because of all the "phoenix" issues we are also supposed to get a small bit of money. I am planning to use part of it to pay off some bills and put some aside so we can move to the new places, still rent, but new and nice, and a bit smaller. No yard to work on, which will possibly be annoying for the dog, but I think we'll manage. I just hope we get this all sorted before the end of the year. I am also glad to have finally paid up the leave I took last summer, so my take home pay has jumped a bit. I'll be trying to continue living as though I don't get that extra and put it aside. 

I am 99% sure we'll be cancelling our December cruises, but am waiting to see if the cruise lines cancel them first. I have booked a 14 night cruise for January 2022. It is sad that we'll have to wait so long to travel, but I really want to have something to look forward to. I would have been planning for Disney or Universal next summer but I don't think we'll be doing that. The situation down there is a bit nuts and I don't want to risk it really. 

I am hoping I'll be able to continue working from home indefinitely, like forever. School will be restarting September 3, though we won't know what that looks like until early August. I am hoping it's back to classroom, but also worry it needs to still be safe, so not sure that will be the best option. The school at home thing did not work for us, I can't see that improving. He needs to be able to be around kids. Hopefully if they limit the classroom size he will be put in with some kids he likes. 

It's summer, we are doing what we can to enjoy it while staying away from other people. Jackson spends some time at my parent's and is able to go out with a few friends to play. Even with the broken are he's still able to ride his bike and get some activity. I am hoping we'll be able to move before next summer, and need to get some work done in the house. I'd like to have the declutter lady come back for another day and help with the basement. I have bought a few things for here and there, a fancy red garbage can for the kitchen and a new headboard for my room. I'm excited to get that and make my bed cozy. I hope to hire her for a day when I move in as well, to really help get off on the right foot and get things organized right away. I have a list of things we'll need and a budget for all of it, so I don't have anything unexpected, even the utility moving costs are calculated. 

Happy Belated Canada Day

I have realized, after having 5 days off in a row, that perhaps I should have booked some summer vacation. It was nice, to sleep in, to watch a lot of TV and such. It was nice to not get up early and do as I wanted through the day. I don't tend to workout as much though. I find the days I work, I am reminded to get up and move more so I get more steps in, and often need to step away from the work to do a short workout. I love the being able to sleep in, but I am mostly glad I am saving my vacation days for when life returns to "normal" and we are able to travel again. One other thing, I have saved so much sick leave. Normally I use it up almost as fast as I accrue it. I get migraines and have only had a couple since lock down began, I wonder how much of a part the lighting at work plays. Possibly hormones as well, since I also have still not had a period since Disney last August (which has been awesome, though sad at the same time). 

For Canada Day, we didn't even leave the house. Well, I did go get us cold drinks, an iced coffee for me and a slushy drink for him. There were no fireworks, no big celebration. I guess it's good it wasn't the 150 or something? To be honest, we don't really have a lot of plans for the whole of summer. I am bribing him to do some work during the week, which so far has not worked very well. It's pretty easy stuff, I would like to know he is up to speed when school restarts, depending on what that even looks like.

I am very glad that the main floor got decluttered in December, it has made a big difference in being able to enjoy the space a bit. I want to do more work upstairs but keep procrastinating, getting started is the hard part. It needs to be done though. The basement as well but we don't use that as much. It would be nice to get it done so we can move if we choose to, though the places I was looking at moving to are going to probably be out of my budget. And I may miss the backyard? Well the dog will miss the backyard, he loves chasing the bunnies out there. The places aren't quite as close to the walking trail, but not too far. And the park is right there. Hopefully that will open up soon, actually living right there beside it would be hard to resist. 

I have been walking, and working out. And my knees are feeling it. I guess I should have worked to lose more weight before trying any jogging. But the jogging does really feel good in the moment. It makes me feel strong and like I can do anything. The workouts I have been doing also make me feel strong. Though the first few days I also felt sore! It was kind of nice to feel like I had done something. And it improved, I got better at it. In only a few days. 

The province is still slowly moving forward, things have been reopening. I can walk into McDonalds now to order take out, which is nice for us. It's closer to walk than drive. I wear a mask, it makes it easier! Though of course that could kick me in the butt if I don't stick to the points. I hope the city pools open sooner than later, we love to go swimming and it would be nice when the weather is so hot. If the water park doesn't open I will look at going to the one in Quebec, though it's not as nice. We do need some things to do, to get him off the computer and moving would be nice. He has been playing with a friend, but not everyday. That's ok, somedays are better than others.

I have no idea what fall will bring, school's should open to some extent, and if not, well, it will be really hard to get him to do anything. I think if that happens I will have to really step up the bribes, or something. Some fights have not been worth it. My goals are to help him stop breaking things, and learn some emotional control over his anger. I have no idea if we will accomplish that over the summer or not! It would also be really nice if he could fall asleep on his own without me sitting there. Those are my goals for him. My goals for me are all about my health, losing weight, eating better, moving more. And controlling my own temper as well. He does know how to push my buttons. I know that to manage better, I need to take care of myself better. So the walking and exercise are key there. It has been really hot, so the walking has to happen early or very late. Somedays, it's too hot for the dog even early. I do go out myself those days. The dog gets to play fetch in the house and run around inside, thankfully he is small enough that is seems to be just enough. 

I am also working on myself and letting go of what I can't have. I have to let go of my big family dreams. I know it's not practical, I know it doesn't make financial sense. I know my body is done so the choices would be expensive. In my head, I know. In my heart? Oh I wish I could have two more kids, I wish we could be a big family. I have buried my dream in trips instead, and now that trips are off the table for awhile, it brings the family dream back around to my heart. Could I adopt? I don't know. I don't even know that I would really want to be pregnant again, it was not a good experience the first time. So my head should win this battle and perhaps convince my heart what to do, or I guess not do in this case? 

As for the trips, we have two cruises booked in December, but given the mess that the US is at the moment, in particular Florida, I have no idea if we would even be able to travel there. I'm not sure I want to! There is also the November election, what impact that could have. So perhaps we will try an all inclusive this year instead. Or spend another winter in the cold. Hey, if I don't have to drive to work maybe it wouldn't be so bad? And hopefully this work from home thing will be the way going forward, at least most of the time, with perhaps going in to the office on occasion? Honestly? I'd be totally ok with that. And given it looks like kids will only be in classes maybe two days a week, if that, it is probably going to be the way for at least the next school year. 

Last Day of Grade 5

Technically, school ends today. Though I think he's supposed to do work tomorrow. Considering he hasn't done anything since March, I don't think that matters. I am glad it's over though, I let it go but at least now I can officially say it's done. What the fall will bring, remains to be seen. The province has set out guidelines and we should find out in August what option our school board will choose. They are also (finally) updating the math curriculum and bringing it back to basics, this makes me so happy. I am hoping to get him to do something over the summer, but he is not me, and it isn't really likely to happen. I will keep trying though. Perhaps I can figure out the right bribe. 

But this also does mean that perhaps more friends will be available to play. He has one friend who is allowed to play, I hope they can spend more time together over the summer as well. I only have a few days off each month, I am choosing to save my vacation days for when this is all over and I can go away somewhere. Plus there really isn't a lot to do this summer, so much is not open or with a lot of restrictions. It's possible Jackson will spend a few days at my parent's at some point. 

I've been doing a lot of workouts, a lot. Walking, low impact workouts, and some new stuff. Also trying to eat healthy. It's really hard because I don't see a lot of results. I know, I am older, and my thyroid is a bit low. It's just a lot of work for little reward. I joined a group of ladies and we do a week day competition to get the most steps. Apparently I am competitive, last week I won through a lot of effort. This week is going better, so far. Next week will be hard because I have three days off, and I workout more when I work during the day. It will be hard but I will try. 

Puppy finally got his haircut, he was getting pretty hot with the heat wave we had, of course as soon as he's clipped, the temperature drops. Though that does mean both kiddo and I can go out a bit more. He doesn't overheat, and I am able to get a lot of walking in. I do hope it gets warm again, but perhaps not quite as hot as it was. At least not until the pools open again! 

Somedays I am thankful it's just the two of us, during this covid crap, it's probably easier to not have a very small kid. I will say, if I had it to do over, I would have gone for it. I wish I had. It is too late, I am 45, he's 10, and I don't have the money to do anything with donor eggs that would be needed. Plus all the travel restrictions, and I just have to give up. I don't think I have the energy or the patience. He is a lot. So much. I keep hoping things will improve, and yet they don't. It's hard, I can't understand it and I am not sure how to even handle him. I love him, he has so much potential, I do feel I made mistakes, and am not sure how to fix any of them. I wish we had a better relationship, and I really do blame the electronics so much. They damage people, and he's been on them for too much. I hope we get through this and come out with a better future. I would say though, don't wait. If you want kids, don't wait. Don't wait for it to be good timing or the perfect time or whatever. Find a way.