A Vacation

 We have been back a few weeks already but we went on a cruise at the end of May. It was nice, I enjoyed not having to cook or clean, but it feels like we didn't really go. I also feel we didn't take full advantage of the time on the ship. Jackson watched a lot of videos on his phone, and we spent more time in the cabin than we used to. Part of that was avoiding too many people, and part was something else I think. 

The trip was nice, we drove down the day before, drove to the port, and drove home the day we got off. It wasn't too bad of a drive, I didn't know there were so many hills in that area, and the bridges to cross the border were really big and tall. It was nice to drive and not have to worry about timing of flights, but the drive home was tiring for me. It helped when I found some music to listen to. It is too bad Florida is so far to drive, but there is no way I could do that much driving. 

The cruise itself was good, it was different than pre-Covid in some ways, the menu wasn't quite as varied, the service a little slower in some places. The ship itself was very big, and the cabin was nice. We had a view of the inside of the park instead of the ocean. It was nice but we did miss the ocean view. The waterslides were a bit slow, and Jackson didn't seem to want to enjoy them. I am not sure what happened, he didn't want to make friends at all. He wanted me to go on them with him, while I would have much rather sat on a chair and watched while he went. I was also surprised he didn't want to do the rock climbing or zipline on the ship. We played a lot of mini golf though. 

The view from our cabin

We had 3 port stops but only got off the ship in two. Coco Cay was a lot of fun. I spent a fortune and we went to the waterpark area. We spent the day on the waterslides, I did the tallest slide once, and kiddo did it many times. We also swam in the ocean but hadn't taken our snorkels off the ship. It was still fun, and we had a good time. But oh we got burnt! We reapplied sunscreen multiple times but still ended up quite red. 

Nassua was ok. We went to Blue Lagoon Island but it was changed from the morning to afternoon and while I had thought we would be able to leave when we wanted but that turned out to not be the case. We were ready to go back after a few hours, but we couldn't. So we found a quiet spot and relaxed, kiddo in a hammock and I sat on a lounge chair. The boat ride back was nice enough, the captain told us a lot of stories about the fancy houses we were passing. We ended up being late for dinner, didn't even have time to shower so we were salty and sandy. I would do something different in Nassau next time. 

Relaxing in the shade

The timing of the trip was interesting. In late April my manager told us he was leaving the team. He asked me to act for him for two weeks in early May and then the new manager would start. So she started and was there for a week before I left on vacation. It was a good timing for her to really have to learn everything. When I returned, she told me that my team had really sung my praises (which was nice to hear) and that I am an asset to the team. She has really been good for the team, she has picked up on a lot of things without anyone saying anything. I will stay in my job for the summer at least. I am in a process for a position a level up, I write a test Monday to get into that pool. I hope it will lead to a higher level job, the raise would be nice, especially with all the costs for things going up.

Jackson hasn't been back to school since March break. They keep trying but he keeps refusing. So I am not even sure what to do at this point. The school year is almost over. I wish he'd at least go get his locker stuff, it sucks that I'll need to buy new stuff and he'll need to memorize a new lock for next year. He says he will go next year, I hope that is accurate. I know he is anxious about it now, and avoiding it is terrible for him. I also know it's not a fight I can win. I hope the summer will be good for him, and that his friends will actually go OUTSIDE and do stuff. They are all online way too much. No one likes to do anything active. Hopefully that will change when the weather is nicer. At least he is still in contact with friends from school. 

I have been feeling off, physically, mentally. Even after the trip I still don't feel fully myself. I know I am older, and at my heaviest weight ever. I don't quite know what is off, perhaps not enough sleep, worry for Jackson, worry about money, just being overweight. I have been trying to walk, to keep my steps up. I just lack motivation, the dog helps a bit, forcing me to get out. He doesn't always make me go though, sometimes we just don't. I know I should, I know it feels good when I do, why don't I? I remember whenever I get into the good habit of being active, I feel better and wonder why I ever stopped. But then I stop again. It gets too hot, or I think I can skip just this one day, and then I'm back on the couch. Perhaps someday I will get it and stick with it. Right now, walking is one thing I can do. Since eating is an issue with prices rising so much, fruits/vegetables are going up and up in price, as is everything else. I'll manage, and we'll eat of course, just perhaps not as healthy as I'd like. And perhaps not as many snacks as kiddo would like. 

Back to School

 Jackson went back to school on Tuesday. He has one friend in his class, but a few other kids he knows as well. So far he seems to be enjoying it. But he doesn't eat much while he's there, he has a big "snack" when he gets home. Today that was two plates of leftover chicken fried rice. Then half a pizza for supper an hour later. So that will be fun. I am glad he is doing well so far. Math is his least favourite class, of course, and he loves gym. The gym teacher is his fav as well, and also teaches Science and History, so he has her twice a day every day. Other than homeroom, followed by Language, the rest of his classes are all mixed up. He has math, language and gym daily, then French, history, geography, science, religion/family life make up the rest, 6 classes a day, two then snack, two then lunch/recess, two then done! He is allowed to have his phone, and texts me between classes and at lunch. It's super cute and I love that he fills me in on what's going on. 

I have to admit, it has been really nice to have him gone during the day while I work. I do take him to school and pick him up, though he walked home today. It is good. I like having the house to myself, the first couple days I was off work and it was really nice. I miss "me time". Tonight he is off playing basketball with friends, probably done soon as it's getting dark. I will see how the weekend goes, he goes for his second covid shot on Saturday but otherwise we have no real plans, maybe laundry? I'm sure he will want to play basketball. Maybe go for a hike in the woods. It's still warm and the leaves haven't started to change yet. I'm sure that is coming soon enough.

Now that I am home alone all day, I want to have a nicer space for working. It's a bit of a mess, and while it doesn't really matter if there is no separate room since no one else is home, I'd just like it to be a little better. I will need to figure out the layout of the room, I don't want to move upstairs since I still want the guest room to be a cat room for Olaf over night. I will also need to fit in the cat wheel when it comes. And I have some things to get sold, but still need to sort out a couple things before I can sell them. I was waiting for school to start and see what's what. I should be able to take some time this weekend, and week, to work on that.

I do think the year away from the school system was good for him. And me. I know he will do ok this  year, and I will advocate for him whenever I need to. He is learning things, and making some friends. He looks forward to trying out for basketball in February, and I wonder if there will be any other teams he wants to try out for. I hope so, but not sure. 

KitKat and Olaf napping together

Vaccinated.

 Today I got my second dose of vaccine. Because this is Canada it took over 8 weeks, and is different from my first dose. But it's done. Two weeks and I'll be "safe". Not that kiddo will be, sadly Ontario is giving me a hard time about getting him done until his birthday. If we lived in a different province he'd already have his first dose. Frustrating. We'll figure something out eventually I guess, but I do feel like I need to start planning for a backup vacation in December, or how to cancel what's booked, or part of what's booked. Any way, we'll see how that goes.

We have a few things planned for summer, the local water park is open by reservation so I booked it for the first Saturday it's open. We also booked a day at Canada's Wonderland near Toronto, and hopefully we'll go to the zoo as well. So much driving that will bug me but we'll manage. It'll be nice to have a vacation of sorts. 

Friday was the last day of the school year. All his friends who stuck with the school got t-shirts, pictures and a diploma. I'm a little sad his name won't be on the wall, he won't have those memories, but I also think he did better this year than if he'd been in classes. He learned a lot. I am a little worried that he will have a hard time in Grade 7, and it won't last. I am also worried that they will try and make me go back to the office, and I don't want to, at all. I quite like working from home and hope I can manage to remain doing so. I'd like to go pick up my stuff from work, it's all still there, but other than an occasional meeting, I want to be at home. 

I still have a lot of sorting to do here, lots of cleaning and reorganizing, but I do feel like it's on track. I also still have an urge to move. But I have stronger urges to travel. It's a strange dilemma, which one do I focus on. At least the AC has been fixed, I did a few things to fix things up. But there is still work to do, and frustrating critters in the garage. The AC was broken during the heat wave, they came to fix it a week later, we survived, went to the beach a lot actually. And had a mattress in the living room for Jackson to sleep on, apparently I snore too loudly to be able to stay with him. 

Todays dose seems to have made me sleepy, so I think I will be going to bed early tonight, will need to put little Olaf to bed early. He is adorable, and plays well with the dog. The other cats aren't keen on him but I think they will be eventually. Or he'll stick with the dog. Either way, he's cute, playful and healthy. And he sleeps in the guest room because he is a pain when it's sleep time. 

Winter Blah

 Winter has decided to really roll in, with some snow and temperature's dropping. Of course since Ontario is in lock down we are stuck at home and it is starting to show. Jackson hasn't been playing with his "friends" the past few days so has been a bit more bored than usual. He has made friends with a boy in Ireland who enjoys the same game he plays in Minecraft, so he plays with him in the afternoon but there is a time difference so not all day. 

He's once again interested in dinosaurs and we have watched the same few documentaries over and over again, the then reenacts them with his dino toys, but there are fewer than there once were. I got rid of tonnes of them over a year ago, and he hasn't wanted to play with them until now. Of course now he wants more of them so I ordered a few but we'll see if they are what he expects. I don't plan to replace any more. There is a lot I don't want to replace any more to be honest. 

We have also been playing dinosaur games outside, but today was too cold for me. I am sure we'll be back out there tomorrow, and probably need to shovel a bit as well. He loves it, I tolerate it, and sometimes we take the dog out too. He gets cold so it's a good excuse to head back in. I know when I was his age, or younger, I played outside on my own but apparently that isn't a thing with kids now. I think if this had all happened when I was his age, if we'd had the technology, I'd have been ok to play alone. And I think sometimes this is harder for me because I have his care and mental well being to worry about. 

Between winter and covid and work, I am having a hard time. I am struggling with this round of lock down. I think the fact vaccinations are so close, yet so far away, is not helping. I really look forward to life returning to some semblance of normal again. I hope that Jackson will go back to school eventually, I hope that we will be able to travel, visit my parents, see friends. Get out of the house and DO something. It's taking a toll on both of us, he is bored and cranky, though he's been sleeping better. I am irritated and on edge. This is a struggle, the worst it's been yet. I really hope this lock down stuff ends soon. We need to be able to get out. I want desperately to be able to travel. Since we started doing our trips this is the longest we have gone without anything, before this it was 16 months and then we knew we were going back. This time it's been 17 months already with no end in sight. Likely 28 months or more. It's a first world problem for sure, but it is impacting my mental health. 

We still have rodents in the garage, though I've set traps and poison and tried to get rid of them. It's frustrating and I'm not sure what else I can possibly do. The back deck is still falling apart, I will let the landlord know about that in spring once the snow melts again. Though I don't want to live through it's repair or deal with them coming to check it out before it can get fixed. These are the things that make me want to move. But moving is so much work... and today I am not sure I can do it. I haven't got the energy or motivation to do the work that needs to be done. There is a lot of work to do here before we can move. I have so much I want to do, but I also wonder if moving is the best idea. The places I found outside of town are out, kiddo threw a fit about leaving the school he thinks he wants to go to. Even though he hates school, and his "friends" aren't always nice to him. I am so hoping the pediatrician appointment is helpful. Something needs to change. 

Happy Thanksgiving 2020

 What a different year this is. Normally we'd head to my sister's for dinner, or possibly my parent's. But this year, we are home. And since a big ole turkey dinner is way too much for us, when Jackson doesn't really like any of it, we will have a chicken with some gravy and he can have pasta or rice with his. Should still be yummy, but different from regular years. We did go visit my parents on Friday, before restrictions here locked up again. Considering neither kiddo nor I have been out of the house much in the past few weeks, it did feel quite safe. We won't see my sister and her family though, they are spending a lot of time up at their cottage (well brother in law and niece any way, my sister doesn't go). I think that's actually against the new rules, but I'm not going to cause them a problem over it. Just keep our distance really. 

Halloween promises to be another strange holiday, I have promised to buy lots of candy and we'll just stay home. He hasn't really got any friends to go trick or treating with at this point any way. Which is strange and interesting. He has always felt like he'll never make friends, yet he has never really had any good ones. I have suggested we could move, perhaps to a smaller town just outside Ottawa, and have a lower cost of living, more space. And he'd make new friends, though that would require him going to school. Another thing to think on any way. As long as I am close enough to go in some days to the office, eventually. I will be pushing to work from home as much as possible. At least until Jackson is a bit older, or back in school full time. I am looking at a few places, they are closer to my parents. But still rentals. And then I'm not sure if its "worth it" to move. Perhaps we should wait a bit longer, another year or whatever. Maybe someday I can buy a place, though to be honest, if I just wait until I'm retired, and he's moved out, I can get a smaller condo type place maybe? Or an RV and just drive south when it's cold. 

We watched all the Harry Potter movies, which he enjoyed. And have led to an increased desire to visit Universal Studios. Maybe in a year, or two. Probably a combo trip with our Favourite Disney. There are some new rides coming there and it is our happy place for sure. We already have two cruises booked for 2022 and 2023 so will have to fit it around those, and if we do more trips, we won't be moving any time soon! We still have to watch the Fantastic Beasts movies, but those should be coming out soon for us to watch. 

After Halloween it will be the count down to winter and Christmas. I have already told him there won't be a big birthday party this year, but that means I'll get him a proper gift instead of paying for an expensive party. We will go to my parent's to celebrate and maybe see Auntie and her family. When asked what he wants, he doesn't know besides a gaming computer. But apparently my dad may be upgrading his computer and then giving his to kiddo... that one does play the games he likes better and I think we could maybe upgrade the graphics card to help with lag as well. Then the laptop goes to my mom, or someone. 

At some point we should go for a walk in the woods to see the pretty fall colours. The weather has just been so rainy lately that I'm sure it's pure mud on all the trails. It would be nice to be out in the fresh air and enjoy some nature. The trails nearby are ok but not really nature trails at all. I am not sure Gatineau that is possible, Quebec's rates are as bad or worse than Ottawa so I don't really want to risk it. There are some trails near here, I'm not sure how busy they are, I imagine when the weather is nice they will be very busy though. 

Other than having to go for dog food next week, I should need much of anything grocery wise for at least a few weeks. That is nice, and hopefully means we won't have to head out to any stores. I'll need cat food too but that I get delivered as it's cheaper. Avoid going out much is key. Eventually things will improve again, I hope. Eventually, things will return to a more normal state, though I doubt they will ever be what they were. Some pieces of this lock down and isolation will probably continue, work from home would be great to keep going, but it would be nice to travel again. I can live with masks, if we have to, though they can be a pain at times. 

I've been reading some online, people who are all upset because of the lockdowns, and they raise some good points, that it is destroying people in poor areas, in other countries that have relied on tourism and not for profits. I see it, but I also see this disease that we know so little about, we don't know the long term impacts of people having this disease. Maybe the death rate isn't super high, but there are more and more people who are having serious long term impacts from it. People who recover, who don't have the virus any more, but are having issues with lungs, lethargy, blood clotting issues, so many health problems. And with things running rampant south of the border, I am all for keeping that closed until they get it together. The problem of course is we can't open travel to over seas without opening to the US, so we are stuck. Keep the 2 week isolation until things can be kept safer, until there is better tracking of contacts. 

I do know people who have had problems because of this lock down, because things were closed for so long. So many businesses that have closed. I am thankful that the government is at least doing something to help, that there are benefits being brought in to help people make a living wage. I hope these types of things continue, this is how Canada's universal health care started, this is how we need to continue. Yes, we pay a lot of taxes because of these things but it seems worth it to me. I don't have to worry that if I get sick, I will have a massive bill to pay because of it. When I had my gallbladder problems I didn't have to worry about my hospital stay or the surgery, it was all covered. Any way. All interesting stuff to think about. 

Autumn 2020

 It's hard to believe it's Fall already. Autumn sounds so much prettier, but still, this year has been flying by. Which is weird since it has been a year of not doing a whole lot of anything. Heck, we hardly leave home any more. The city is in a second wave, since schools opened up there have been a lot more cases nearby, and getting tested is actually really difficult. I am glad I pulled kiddo out, my stress is a lot less, as is his. He has one friend from school he has been seeing a lot. He is there at the moment actually. I'll go get him in an hour or so. He hasn't been getting enough sleep the past few nights. One of his friends sent a message at 4 AM to all of his friends wondering if anyone was awake and it woke kiddo up. He has a hard time getting back to sleep ever so that was not good. He did eventually but it left him tired. This morning he woke up rather early, threw up, went back to sleep and got up at 11, which is unheard of. The sleep and then some food really helped. 

I have no idea what we are going to do this winter. I had planned to move us to some (expensive) rental townhomes near us but since he isn't in school, do we have to stay around here? Could we move further out? Find something bigger or whatever? I'm not sure. I will probably wait until I get my back pay. We are still voting on the contract so once that is done, it could be 6 months before we get the money. Such a long time, hopefully by spring I guess! So winter, will be here, and we'll have to shovel again. But, I won't have to drive him to school or me to work. So we don't have to do it first thing or whatever, it can take time to do, we can relax a little bit about it. As long as I get the garage cleaned up over the next couple weeks so I can park in there again. 

It is strange to me that my province is locking down again while some places in the states are getting more lax. I am not sure why, and I guess it doesn't matter too much. We will follow the rules and do our part to curb the spread. We will get flu shots (don't usually do that) and not travel (I wish we could go somewhere warm this winter!). Maybe in another year, or 18 months, or even 2 years, we will be able to travel again. We'll be ready! 

For our epic unschool, kiddo has been playing some video games, watching videos and we have been reading a couple books together. We also started watching the Harry Potter movies. He actually quite enjoyed the first two, and asked a lot of questions, but also figured a lot of the twists and turns out before they were revealed. He is observant and a smart kid. I have a few books for worksheets if he is interested. I plan to focus on his self esteem, a growth mindset, and just his general mental health over the next year, rather than focusing on his learning. I think it will be better for him long term to know how to handle anxiety, stress, and feel good about himself. It isn't always easy though. I can only do nerf battles and games like that for so long. I wish he'd rather play cards or something. Oh well. At least he still has one friend to play with, and hopefully we'll figure out something to do this winter. 

Epic Unschool

 It's official. I sent in a letter to the board and school to let them know I am withdrawing him from public school. I haven't heard back yet, I assume I will sooner or later. They can say what they please but I will be firm in my decision. Honestly, if this had been more of an option sooner I would have done it years ago. I was frustrated with the school since he was in grade 3 and then 4, even going back to grade 2 when I don't feel he really learned a whole lot. He has been seen as a troublemaker for standing up to the teachers and principal, which they don't like. He won't let people get away with things, even me. It is sometimes a struggle but I am learning to let it go. He is stubborn and getting to an age where these things are easier for him to manage on his own. If he doesn't want to participate then he doesn't have to. But I will also be able to do some of the things I want to do. He is old enough to be home alone for short periods, and soon for longer ones. 

Now we start with deschooling, though that is pretty much what we have been doing since March any way. We will continue with a lot of free time for him, he can let me know when he wants to learn something or has questions. I will leave some things around to help entice him to learn a few things, but it is going to be up to him. I have picked up a couple work books for helping kids with anxiety, adhd and have one on my list for a growth mindset. That is my focus for this year. Jackson is very down on himself and negative about things in general so I want to help with that. Hopefully I can manage, he refuses to speak to anyone so a therapist is not an option. 

This is going to be quite the journey I think. I feel good about it, though I am a little bit sad I will be losing out on all that alone time from when he's in school. Hopefully we can find him some activity to sign up for, I am pushing for swimming or a martial art. I think something active would be great and both of those are easy to socially distance but still hopefully he will also make some friends. I have signed up for a few facebook groups on homeschooling, unschooling, locally, provincially and world wide. Since we are stuck at home a lot, it becomes harder to meet new people.

He was playing with a friend most of last week but hasn't heard from him this weekend at all. Which has led to less activity. We have played with his nerf guns. That was a lot of running up and down the stairs! He had fun, me, less so. I am sure he'll make me do it again this evening. Tomorrow I do have to work so I am not sure what he will do. Like last week he will probably just watch videos and play Roblox and Minecraft. Hopefully his friend will be available at some point! 

I finally moved our December cruise, the pay in full date was approaching and I called to check my options. I was able to move it to April 2023, so hopefully by then we'll be able to travel! No extra fees which is great. Now we have 2 week cruises booked for Jan/Feb 2022 and April 2023. That's plenty of time for this thing to blow over a bit and hopefully get back to a more normal life. Even if it means an annual vaccine or wearing masks indoors a lot. I just want to be able to continue working from home, and we can figure out the rest from there. 

Back to... not school

 Well, we are not off to a great start. So far Jackson has gone to 3 days of classes. Then he got a "headache". Which is code for "anxiety over going to school". So he's been home, I spoke with the principal and she has put him on the wait list for online school. His homeroom teacher has been amazing and is sending me daily emails with what they covered and where to find it in the online portal for the kids. So then we sit and try to do it. Not really well. I am just at my wit's end and want to just say screw it, who needs school! Well we do I guess, need to learn stuff. But there has to be a better way than this. It's been a struggle, most notably since grade 4. The last options we have are to switch from immersion (question is with the principal but I am doubtful as I think the classes are pretty full), try the online (if we get in at the end of the month, make do with what the teacher is sending for now. 

After all of this, we will probably be doing straight up home schooling. I have been looking at curriculum's and various ways to do it. I think we can do a hybrid of various types of learning. My focus is on math at the moment, he has fallen very far behind when he used to be way ahead. It frustrates me, the school itself does. The principal from last few years was not the best fit as far as I am concerned. The new one so far seems really good. It is irritating that things like this just get overlooked or he's made to feel like he is bad for things that he can't control or that they don't understand or listen to the story of. Other than math I think the rest we can do through various methods, trying to get him to read on his own (for fun) and learn while he's at it. There will have to be some limits, but I am happy to follow his lead in what he wants to learn. 

Now we wait and see, does he get into the other class or does he get into the online school? Or do we just pull him completely from the school for a year, or 3. Today he did a bit of the work that was required, I've made space at my work desk so that he can work right beside me while I am working, I think it will let us work together and he'll know I am right there to help. Hopefully that will be a good thing. He even helped me clean up the folding chair from the basement to use for now. 

Now I'm off to keep researching curriculum options and figure out the best way to move forward. A few books, a few ideas, and some websites to try. There is a monthly subscription for Canadian Geography and History, it sounds really cool and I want to try it out. I am not sure if it is for much younger kids, but either way, I think it's a good start! With the math I already have and hopefully an online version that looks cool. Add in some books he'll maybe try to read. Voila, we're good for now! 

School Begins - Grade 6

 Well. That was a day. School is finally started back up, it's been about 6 months since he was last in school, and he certainly didn't do any work while he was off. He is in immersion, and now hates French. That is partly because none of the friends he plays with are in his class. He does like the teachers he has, and I think he will enjoy the 3 days of gym, mostly outside. He does actually have a few friends in his class, just not the ones he kept in touch with over the summer. He says he had sort of fun. He wants to switch to non-immersion, which I don't think is an option. And says he wishes he had chosen to do the at home online school. That we can't change to until 2 months in I believe. 

Then there is my worry. I believe that in the next week or two we will run into trouble, something will happen, he will get in trouble or a fight or whatever and I will say screw it and pull him out to homeschool. If I am honest, I want to do it now any way. If I follow my intuition, he would not be going to school right now. It is an adjustment though, either way. I have been burying my intuition for years, struggling to do what we are supposed to do instead of what I feel is right. At some point, I need to get back to what I believe. I do have some worries, what if he decides he wants to go back to school? Will it be a problem to put him back in if we have followed a more unschooling rhythm and not done a curriculum. 

I think we need to focus more on his emotional intelligence than anything else. He needs to learn a growth mindset, to see the positive in things and to know that he has to sometimes work for things. I want him to be able to play, have fun, be outside, and enjoy being a kid. There are so many positives to pulling him out and doing things at home. The only negatives are him being able to play with friends, and I think he will be able to do that after school or with a few select friends who are homeschooling as well. Perhaps we can meet a new group of kids. He gets shy but he also needs more confidence and that is something we'll be working on. If this was a normal year, I would look at putting him into some kind of day time lessons, swimming, martial arts, whatever. If he was willing to do something online there are a few classes he might like, even just hour long webinars. We'll get there though. 

I am back at work tomorrow, and not really looking forward to it. I need to work on finding a new job for myself as well, something I don't dread. There are options, they are just harder to find right now. But still possible. I will do this, and he will learn what he needs to learn, and we will move forward. 

Mid-August update

 Hard to believe summer is winding down and it's almost fall! We haven't done much this summer, it's hard with all the restrictions but we are trying. He has been getting out with friends, to the park and such, and now that his splint is off he's able to get back to the monkey bars and everything. Today we wanted to hit a beach. We tried one in Ottawa but it was packed and I was uncomfortable with staying there so we went over to Gatineau to Lac Leamy and it was fine. The water was pretty good, not Caribbean Ocean good but not weedy and gross so that was a nice thing. He got a bit of a burn because he felt he didn't need to wear his rashguard since he's a "man" now. Hopefully this will be a lesson but we'll see! He got clean at least. We will be going to the aviation museum before school starts as well, he's really into planes right now so I thought it would be a good choice. It's the other end of town, and closed a couple days, you have to buy tickets in advance, but I think it will a good day trip kind of thing. A few hours any way. 

I have decided to send him to the classroom. I am not sure it's the right choice, I hope we get more information from the school before it's time to go back, but he wants to go and there will be a couple friends there for sure, but also many doing online. If it come to it though, I'd likely just pull him out completely and say let's homeschool. The online plans are actually decent to me, at least what the ministry is saying has to happen. But I have no idea how the school will roll it out, and that's the worry. He went through a day or so where he thought staying home would be better, but when he learned it's mostly synchronized learning, so he has to be logged on with a teacher for 225 minutes a day, he said no way. 

I am waiting for details on how school will work, who his teachers are, the classes, who will be there. I believe they will split the immersion and non immersion kids, so he won't be in class with his little nemesis. But I am not sure if they will all be going to recess together or kept separate there too. Which is good, but also one of his friends in in non-immersion. Funnily, the few kids he has been playing with this summer, will not be going back to in school. One may start up again in November, I guess depending on how it goes. And I am not sure we'll make it that long. Any sign of trouble, whether covid or with teachers, we will just not be doing it. I'm tired of all the difficulties we have had with him in school, and while he has had a lot of time to mature in the almost 6 months since school wrapped up, I suspect there would still be some problems. So... I'll be working from home (forever if I have my way) and so we can homeschool in the unschooling manner, with projects and self directed learning. I am sorely tempted to do that any way, but am giving grade 6 a chance before we make that decision. 

In the meantime, I am doing a lot of homeshooling research, and we are doing some learning. Planes right now and an eye to how to become a pilot or design planes, what do we need for those career paths. We've talked about air cadets when he's 12, and how that is a great (and pretty much free) way to learn some basic flying. Aerospace Engineering as a career, what courses would be good to have towards that. Now, we'll just have to get him over the fact the throws up even at the thought of being on a plane. 

Back to School Decisions

Local school boards have finally released their plans for back to school. For kiddo's board, the elementary schools will be back to full days. They will have staggered starts and breaks, but we won't get those details until schools send more information in another week or two. We have until this Friday to decide if we will do online or in class. Whatever you choose, you are stuck to until end of October. The kids will have to wear masks, have one seat, do their work online in the platform the board uses. The online kids will be at home, and able to contact teachers for help. They will be able to collaborate with the in class kids apparently. 

Details are still a little fuzzy on how the staggering will work, and how many kids will be in a group. The classes will be online and in class kids together. Teachers will rotate into the class, so kids will have their own little "island" of a desk, with all their stuff. That will be fun in winter. They will have to come up with something for the boots and such. 

I have contacted those parent's I know, and so far, of the 6 kids, 3 are doing online only, 2 are going to in class and one is probably going to in class, but his mom is a teacher and looking for more information first. Jackson wants to go. I think he should. But. I am prepared to pull him out, and I mean take him out and home school instead. Actually unschool. To be honest, I think it would be better for him in any case, but I don't want to pull him out if he is not ready. So I give the school a week or two before he wants to never go again. The problem I have is that I will have to get over what I think he needs to learn versus what he wants to learn. I can't help him with French, he doesn't want to do "regular" learning. But he is learning, he can tell you anything you want to know about planes, different types, various airlines, how to land, what the differences are. If he keeps it up I am hoping to put him in air cadets at 12, he wants to learn to fly and that would be the least expensive way to do it. I know he'll have other things that come up that he wants to learn more about. And it would be freeing to not be tied to the school year for vacations and such. But... can we do it? We may find out. 

For me, work is not going well. I am not enjoying it and wish I could change jobs. I am waiting for the union to sign our new contracts and then get some back pay and a raise. I can't wait for that! I am trying to do my job, trying to not hate it but I am not inspired by what I'm supposed to do, at all. It is frustrating to be dealing with a system that was built with so many issues. I mean it's practically new, only a year or two old, and yet there are so many things that it can't do, yet I'm asked to try and get the information. I wish I was back on a project, even if it meant just writing stuff again. I don't know what to do in the current climate, finding a new position will not be easy. And I really want to be able to stay home as long as possible, like another 10 years until I can retire if possible. My retirement course in early September will be online, perhaps I will learn more then about what I need to do over the next 10 years. 

The townhomes we want to move to are going up for rent, but only the ones on the main road and I want the back ones on the quiet street. We don't have first/last yet any way so we'll have to wait. And then I keep waivering. perhaps we should stay here for another year, save some money, buy a house instead of renting? But renting is so much easier for maintenance, not having to replace things. But if we homeschool, and I can work from home, we can live anywhere, a house in the country with a big yard, or some place else near by that is less expensive. I guess we'll see what happens over the next couple months. 

Those back to school plans

Provinces are starting to roll out their back to school plans for the fall. It is interesting to read them all and see the variation across the country. Ontario announced their plans this afternoon and the school boards will take that and let us know what they intend to do. I look forward to more details but am happy with what I've read so far. Kids in grade 4 through 12 will wear masks, I have 10 so far for kiddo and a few more on the way, so he can wear two a day at least. They will go full week, full days, and stick to their cohort. That needs to be clarified. I have emailed the school to ask if Jackson can be in a class with a couple of his friends and not his enemy. Hopefully his class will be his cohort. 

I am glad they are going back to full days, however I am prepared to pull him from school, whether to do the online stuff they are supposed to be providing for those who don't want to send their children, or to homeschool him. Or rather unschool him I guess. It will be interesting to fit this in to work, but I have no intention of going back to the office until there is a vaccine or very well established protocols in place to keep us all safe. Work is a bit different from school, more people, smaller spaces, no windows that open. 

Things have been going ok for us. He has been able to get out with friends a bit. Last week he was riding his bike and fell off. We spent a morning in the ER and he has a buckle fracture, so he's been in a splint for a week so far, two more to go! Then two weeks he has to be careful with it (so wear the splint while he is biking or playing outside). I am hoping the friends he is going out to play with will be in his cohort. 

We went yesterday to look at the townhomes that are coming up for rent soon. They are really nice, well finished and a good size. I am hoping we will be able to move for November or December, it is a lot of work, so much work. I am crossing my fingers and need to work out a plan. I also need to make sure I can afford it. My income has gone up a bit since I am not taking the unpaid leave this summer, and also my union just finally came to a new deal with my employer. It isn't signed yet but just a matter of time. That will take a long time to get sorted but the almost 6 years of back pay will be nice when it comes, if I could wait to move until then it would be ideal but I don't think the places will still be available. They are super nice, and of course close to his current school, and closer to the high school. They are also right beside a park with basketball net so he can play a lot, and his friends who go the park to play will be close by. Part of me thinks it is probably silly to move, but we have been in this house for 7 years I think? I'm not used to be in one place for so long, and changing schools isn't a good option. Purchasing is not an option, homes are far too expensive for what I want. 

The place also has 3 bedrooms, which would be awesome if I decide to have another child. Which I shouldn't do. It would be too much. Just that every time I read about someone else, another SMC, having a second (or third) baby, it makes me sad and full of regret. It would be lovely but I know it's not realistic. I can't even say "someday" as my days are running out. For now, Jackson will have two rooms for himself, and I will continue to be sad that I don't have 3 kids. 

Almost August

Time seems to be moving very quickly. It's almost August! I wonder if it would feel slower if I were taking August off again. This is the first summer I haven't, my pay cheque/bank account are very happy about this. My mental health is holding in there. I don't have to worry about summer camps or daycare so it's easier in that sense. I am working, it's going along fine. Things are getting done, but I could use a little break. I am glad I'll have a 5 day weekend soon. I need it. 

July has been hot. It's too bad we can't swim, or even get to a beach. And now we really can't. Jackson fell off his bike two days ago and broke his arm. It's a buckle fracture so he only needs a splint, but it can't get wet, so no swimming. Hopefully it heals quickly and completely. I am glad we don't have a trip planned. He is still able to go out, he went out with a friend today on his bike. He took his phone this time though, and some water and hand sanitizer. Not that he can do the monkey bars with a broken arm, but still good to have on him. The heat has been making it hard for me to sleep. We have central air, but it doesn't seem to work that well upstairs. We have ceiling fans in the bedrooms thank goodness, they do help, but I still feel so hot all the time! I'm sure it's partly "the change" so not much I can do about it. 

I work in a unionized job, and we've been without a new contract since 2016, they are currently negotiating, again, and hopefully we'll get a new deal from this round of bargaining. Because of all the "phoenix" issues we are also supposed to get a small bit of money. I am planning to use part of it to pay off some bills and put some aside so we can move to the new places, still rent, but new and nice, and a bit smaller. No yard to work on, which will possibly be annoying for the dog, but I think we'll manage. I just hope we get this all sorted before the end of the year. I am also glad to have finally paid up the leave I took last summer, so my take home pay has jumped a bit. I'll be trying to continue living as though I don't get that extra and put it aside. 

I am 99% sure we'll be cancelling our December cruises, but am waiting to see if the cruise lines cancel them first. I have booked a 14 night cruise for January 2022. It is sad that we'll have to wait so long to travel, but I really want to have something to look forward to. I would have been planning for Disney or Universal next summer but I don't think we'll be doing that. The situation down there is a bit nuts and I don't want to risk it really. 

I am hoping I'll be able to continue working from home indefinitely, like forever. School will be restarting September 3, though we won't know what that looks like until early August. I am hoping it's back to classroom, but also worry it needs to still be safe, so not sure that will be the best option. The school at home thing did not work for us, I can't see that improving. He needs to be able to be around kids. Hopefully if they limit the classroom size he will be put in with some kids he likes. 

It's summer, we are doing what we can to enjoy it while staying away from other people. Jackson spends some time at my parent's and is able to go out with a few friends to play. Even with the broken are he's still able to ride his bike and get some activity. I am hoping we'll be able to move before next summer, and need to get some work done in the house. I'd like to have the declutter lady come back for another day and help with the basement. I have bought a few things for here and there, a fancy red garbage can for the kitchen and a new headboard for my room. I'm excited to get that and make my bed cozy. I hope to hire her for a day when I move in as well, to really help get off on the right foot and get things organized right away. I have a list of things we'll need and a budget for all of it, so I don't have anything unexpected, even the utility moving costs are calculated. 

Happy Belated Canada Day

I have realized, after having 5 days off in a row, that perhaps I should have booked some summer vacation. It was nice, to sleep in, to watch a lot of TV and such. It was nice to not get up early and do as I wanted through the day. I don't tend to workout as much though. I find the days I work, I am reminded to get up and move more so I get more steps in, and often need to step away from the work to do a short workout. I love the being able to sleep in, but I am mostly glad I am saving my vacation days for when life returns to "normal" and we are able to travel again. One other thing, I have saved so much sick leave. Normally I use it up almost as fast as I accrue it. I get migraines and have only had a couple since lock down began, I wonder how much of a part the lighting at work plays. Possibly hormones as well, since I also have still not had a period since Disney last August (which has been awesome, though sad at the same time). 

For Canada Day, we didn't even leave the house. Well, I did go get us cold drinks, an iced coffee for me and a slushy drink for him. There were no fireworks, no big celebration. I guess it's good it wasn't the 150 or something? To be honest, we don't really have a lot of plans for the whole of summer. I am bribing him to do some work during the week, which so far has not worked very well. It's pretty easy stuff, I would like to know he is up to speed when school restarts, depending on what that even looks like.

I am very glad that the main floor got decluttered in December, it has made a big difference in being able to enjoy the space a bit. I want to do more work upstairs but keep procrastinating, getting started is the hard part. It needs to be done though. The basement as well but we don't use that as much. It would be nice to get it done so we can move if we choose to, though the places I was looking at moving to are going to probably be out of my budget. And I may miss the backyard? Well the dog will miss the backyard, he loves chasing the bunnies out there. The places aren't quite as close to the walking trail, but not too far. And the park is right there. Hopefully that will open up soon, actually living right there beside it would be hard to resist. 

I have been walking, and working out. And my knees are feeling it. I guess I should have worked to lose more weight before trying any jogging. But the jogging does really feel good in the moment. It makes me feel strong and like I can do anything. The workouts I have been doing also make me feel strong. Though the first few days I also felt sore! It was kind of nice to feel like I had done something. And it improved, I got better at it. In only a few days. 

The province is still slowly moving forward, things have been reopening. I can walk into McDonalds now to order take out, which is nice for us. It's closer to walk than drive. I wear a mask, it makes it easier! Though of course that could kick me in the butt if I don't stick to the points. I hope the city pools open sooner than later, we love to go swimming and it would be nice when the weather is so hot. If the water park doesn't open I will look at going to the one in Quebec, though it's not as nice. We do need some things to do, to get him off the computer and moving would be nice. He has been playing with a friend, but not everyday. That's ok, somedays are better than others.

I have no idea what fall will bring, school's should open to some extent, and if not, well, it will be really hard to get him to do anything. I think if that happens I will have to really step up the bribes, or something. Some fights have not been worth it. My goals are to help him stop breaking things, and learn some emotional control over his anger. I have no idea if we will accomplish that over the summer or not! It would also be really nice if he could fall asleep on his own without me sitting there. Those are my goals for him. My goals for me are all about my health, losing weight, eating better, moving more. And controlling my own temper as well. He does know how to push my buttons. I know that to manage better, I need to take care of myself better. So the walking and exercise are key there. It has been really hot, so the walking has to happen early or very late. Somedays, it's too hot for the dog even early. I do go out myself those days. The dog gets to play fetch in the house and run around inside, thankfully he is small enough that is seems to be just enough. 

I am also working on myself and letting go of what I can't have. I have to let go of my big family dreams. I know it's not practical, I know it doesn't make financial sense. I know my body is done so the choices would be expensive. In my head, I know. In my heart? Oh I wish I could have two more kids, I wish we could be a big family. I have buried my dream in trips instead, and now that trips are off the table for awhile, it brings the family dream back around to my heart. Could I adopt? I don't know. I don't even know that I would really want to be pregnant again, it was not a good experience the first time. So my head should win this battle and perhaps convince my heart what to do, or I guess not do in this case? 

As for the trips, we have two cruises booked in December, but given the mess that the US is at the moment, in particular Florida, I have no idea if we would even be able to travel there. I'm not sure I want to! There is also the November election, what impact that could have. So perhaps we will try an all inclusive this year instead. Or spend another winter in the cold. Hey, if I don't have to drive to work maybe it wouldn't be so bad? And hopefully this work from home thing will be the way going forward, at least most of the time, with perhaps going in to the office on occasion? Honestly? I'd be totally ok with that. And given it looks like kids will only be in classes maybe two days a week, if that, it is probably going to be the way for at least the next school year. 

Last Day of Grade 5

Technically, school ends today. Though I think he's supposed to do work tomorrow. Considering he hasn't done anything since March, I don't think that matters. I am glad it's over though, I let it go but at least now I can officially say it's done. What the fall will bring, remains to be seen. The province has set out guidelines and we should find out in August what option our school board will choose. They are also (finally) updating the math curriculum and bringing it back to basics, this makes me so happy. I am hoping to get him to do something over the summer, but he is not me, and it isn't really likely to happen. I will keep trying though. Perhaps I can figure out the right bribe. 

But this also does mean that perhaps more friends will be available to play. He has one friend who is allowed to play, I hope they can spend more time together over the summer as well. I only have a few days off each month, I am choosing to save my vacation days for when this is all over and I can go away somewhere. Plus there really isn't a lot to do this summer, so much is not open or with a lot of restrictions. It's possible Jackson will spend a few days at my parent's at some point. 

I've been doing a lot of workouts, a lot. Walking, low impact workouts, and some new stuff. Also trying to eat healthy. It's really hard because I don't see a lot of results. I know, I am older, and my thyroid is a bit low. It's just a lot of work for little reward. I joined a group of ladies and we do a week day competition to get the most steps. Apparently I am competitive, last week I won through a lot of effort. This week is going better, so far. Next week will be hard because I have three days off, and I workout more when I work during the day. It will be hard but I will try. 

Puppy finally got his haircut, he was getting pretty hot with the heat wave we had, of course as soon as he's clipped, the temperature drops. Though that does mean both kiddo and I can go out a bit more. He doesn't overheat, and I am able to get a lot of walking in. I do hope it gets warm again, but perhaps not quite as hot as it was. At least not until the pools open again! 

Somedays I am thankful it's just the two of us, during this covid crap, it's probably easier to not have a very small kid. I will say, if I had it to do over, I would have gone for it. I wish I had. It is too late, I am 45, he's 10, and I don't have the money to do anything with donor eggs that would be needed. Plus all the travel restrictions, and I just have to give up. I don't think I have the energy or the patience. He is a lot. So much. I keep hoping things will improve, and yet they don't. It's hard, I can't understand it and I am not sure how to even handle him. I love him, he has so much potential, I do feel I made mistakes, and am not sure how to fix any of them. I wish we had a better relationship, and I really do blame the electronics so much. They damage people, and he's been on them for too much. I hope we get through this and come out with a better future. I would say though, don't wait. If you want kids, don't wait. Don't wait for it to be good timing or the perfect time or whatever. Find a way. 

New World and What I Miss

It feels like a brave new world, like we are in a transition from the way things were to the way they will be. It's a strange thing, Once in a lifetime (I hope). Everything has changed, yet really so much hasn't. At least in our house. I am very lucky to still be employed, still be getting paid. I do sometimes wish I didn't have to work, but other times it's nice to have something to keep me busy. I am lucky, I can still pay my bills, buy us food, though that is costing more than ever, and we still get to order delivery. 

Obviously some things has changed, I don't get to grocery shop in multiple places, certain stores are closed, some are pick up only, schools are closed. I find some things fine to deal with, and others are frustrating. I am fine with pick up orders, I tend to prefer delivery any way. I miss a few things, I miss being able to see my parents and to hug them. I miss my kid going to school and being able to play with his friends. The things I miss that are just frustrations are hair cuts, and puppy grooming. Which is just reopening so that is good. 

Things I don't miss, commuting, driving to work and paying for parking. I don't miss actually going in to work, though I do miss seeing my friends, and going for coffee. Some things at work would be easier if I could have a conversation in person with certain people. But in general, I am able to do my work from home quite easily. I do need a better set up, perhaps an actual desk and chair would be nice. A second monitor would make things easier for sure. 

I am enjoying being at home though, it's easy to roll out of bed and get on the computer, breakfast happens when I'm hungry. I can get up and move around the house, take the dog for walks. When my day is done I can have a nap or go for a bike ride with my kid. Being an introvert, I don't mind being away from other people. I am guessing I will have a hard time re-integrating when this time is over. Though based on conversations with my boss I don't think I will be forced back to the office any time soon, and even then I think it will look different. Perhaps I will only have to go in once or twice a week. Much better from my perspective. I may even be able to avoid using much of my vacation time, perhaps in the winter I'll be able to go on a trip. I hope. 

It's been 8, or 9?, weeks since this all started. I feel like I should have really upped my workouts, focused on my eating. I've been trying but find it hard, especially the evenings. Even if I am not hungry I will find reasons to snack. I need to focus and really try to use the time I have, in isolation, to do what I need to, to pay attention to what I eat, and to move more. My goal for this week has been to move 250 steps each of the hours I'm at my desk, it works out to 7 hours but I should probably start it earlier and get 8 hours in. I already have been doing 5 days of workouts or activity each week. Usually that is walking the dog for 20 or more minutes. Today kiddo and I went for a bike ride. I thought I was dying, but hopefully we can keep trying and get to a point I'll be able to do it better. I also need to figure out some weight training. I would normally do a video, but maybe I need a paper workout with my dumbbells, and focus on different body parts. Even some body weight exercises would be ok. 

January

This new year has been flying by in some ways, and crawling in others. I start a new position at work on Monday, meaning I have to go back to my old building, and find parking. I posted about it on facebook and got so many messages from work people who are happy to see me back, a lot of we can go for coffee or come see me messages. It is nice to feel liked. I am happy to be seeing them all again, and the past two years have been good for me I think. The manager may have been nuts but she did help me feel like I am a strong employee with a lot to offer. I have 15 years experience, ranging across the spectrum of jobs, from working with customers to headquarters supporting field workers and projects as well. I know stuff. I remember stuff. One of the guys says I have the memory of an elephant. I guess I do. The commute to the new job will suck, one of the bridges to get there is closed so it pushes traffic onto fewer roads. And I still haven't sorted out parking, which really sucks. And is going to cost more than I can afford right now.

Money, budgets, wow do I suck at this stuff! I am still paying for going to Disney and totally over spending. I really need to get it together or we not only won't be moving but we won't be able to go away in December. Focus on the budget and sticking to it. It is a big harder since I've been eating keto. I haven't actually lost any weight doing it but I feel better (except that I have been waking up with headaches a lot). My stomach has been running well, no tummy troubles, and I am starting to feel the energy benefits. I know it will take a bit longer to really get those (it's only been 2 weeks). I just can only hope I can afford to keep doing this, and to get the cats back on canned food. I had to give in and buy them dry food for the next two weeks, this job change is costing more because of the parking uncertainty.

Weather has been interesting, we seem to get storms on the weekend, Saturday into Sunday morning, spend Sunday shoveling and then the week is usually ok for the most part. I guess it is good since it means I have all day Sunday to shovel. I didn't hire anyone this year, hoping to use a one time service when needed but so far I haven't needed to. I do hope we can move before next winter, and we'll have a smaller driveway. the current one is two car lengths long, one wide, but we're on a corner which means we get the big dump of snow from the plow when it goes around. Go even 2 or 3 cars down and they get less than half what we do.

Jackson and I have been struggling, we have had a few blow outs about his lack of respect, he takes out his anger over things on me. I can only handle being called very mean things for so long before I get mad and say things I regret. I get that he feels "safe" with me to call me these things and he doesn't know how else to deal with what he is feeling. In my head I understand it, but dealing with it is very hard. I have so many other things I'm trying to deal with and of course he hits on all my insecurities, making me feel even worse. We're working on it but it is a trial. I am hoping next week goes ok in the morning so I am not late for work! And hopefully in 6 weeks we'll be able to have him out of daycare, getting to school on his own and home again after, so I can shift my hours to an earlier start. Possibly able to work an extra 30 minutes each day and have a day off every 3 weeks. We'll see!

As for moving, I waiver. My landlord has raised my rent for the first time since I moved in here, it is still less than I'll end up paying at the new places, and the house itself feels so much better after the decluttering was done. But there are still things I'd like to change, and have updated, and I do not look forward to dealing with the rotten deck, and grass cutting, in the summer. Even though I will have to this year any way since I won't be able to save enough until fall for a move. I do plan to slowly replace a few things before we move any way, like my headboard and the garbage can in the kitchen, maybe the TV & stand. I may get a new microwave as well, the one here came with the place and still works but there is this retro red one that looks so cute and goes with the new coffee maker I have. So I'd like to update a few things like that.

Of course I still need to declutter the guest room, the basement, and my own room and kiddos room. Our rooms are a bit less important, they have clothes in them, and probably some garbage, to be collected, but a lot of old clothes are in bags in the guest room (along with a bunch of other stuff that needs to go). I need to arrange for a donation pick up, or to drop stuff off somewhere, the pick up being easiest in terms of just putting a label on the bags/boxes and putting them outside. I had planned to do that for Feb 3 but perhaps I will wait a bit longer. I have not done anything about any of it, to be honest. I haven't even printed off the labels. The stuff upstairs should be pretty easy, label the bag and it can go out. Some stuff still needs to be in a bag, but that's easy. The stuff in the basement is harder since I don't have boxes of the right size so not sure what to do about it, I could put stuff in bags instead of boxes, but I will need more bags for that. And there is the storage room which has a lot of stuff in it, in boxes from when we moved. Some of it things like a quilt I started before kiddo was born, or the stuff from when I had a little side business making lotions. Things that I would someday like to get back to.

A lot of what remains will depend on which place I decide to move to. I think we really only need two bedrooms. The third would be nice as a place for his xbox and such but we don't need it. We won't have a lot of storage unless we move to the town home, rather than a two level flat. I want a town home since it will have a garage, for the car and his bike. But the other places will likely cost a lot less, so how much do I want to spend every month? I should save something on the utilities, I hope. But of course there will be set up fees for all the services. There will also be other things to get like new curtains, and breakfast bar stools. I will not have a kitchen/dining room table, we don't really need it if there is a breakfast bar to sit at for me to eat at. He eats in front of the TV any way, and I am tired of that fight.

January has been slow and long at the same time. Work was frustrating, trying to finish things, keep motivated to keep working, when I should have been let go to the new job well before I was. Now I'll play catch up on the new position and hopefully it will go well. Money has sucked, as always, and I need to pay better attention to it. At least I am eating pretty well, and Jackson is still eating a lot. He went skiing for the first time and had a lot of fun. Hopefully we get through the next few weeks well and can make it to spring without any problems. And he'll be ready to get to school on his own. Fingers crossed.

Father's Day

Jackson's school was getting ready for Father's Day and I guess he was asked where his father is, who it is. So he asked me if it was ok to tell people about his birth. I asked him what he meant and he couldn't really explain, but he couldn't tell me what he meant so I asked him to tell me what he would say. He said "My mom wanted a baby to she went up to a man and asked him for his seed... " And I kind of laughed because I was sure people would hear that and think I just found some guy in a bar or something. So we talked about how the seed came from a man who donated it, not just some random man. And he was ok with that.

This past week was the end of school fun fare, and we had preordered food for it. It was a lot of fun, with a teacup ride, a bouncy race, a tunnel slide obstacle course, and other candy/treats for sale. Jackson and I did the teacups once and I wouldn't spin it too much because I know he'd feel sick, and that I would too. He loved it of course. After dinner and a snow cone, he and two friends decided to go back on it. The other boys were spinning it around and I could see Jackson getting nauseous. One of the boys mom was with me, She and I yelled at her son to stop spinning it, which he did, but then the other boy took over so there was more yelling. Jackson was starting to cry. Apparently the other boy was saying "I don't care if you are sick or I am sick, I'm going to spin this!" He finally stopped the spinning, and eventually the ride stopped. Jackson was pretty upset. He went on the tunnel slide thing twice before they closed it for the night and we came home. It was a not great ending to the day.

When we got home he gave me my father's day present. It was some homemade cookies in a little box he made from Popsicle sticks, and a note.

I love my mom because she lets me do yoga with her.
I love my mom because she lets me have treats.
I love my mom because she lets me have oatmeal cookies and milk.
Love Jackson

He was very careful to change the Dad to Mom in the title, and he coloured me pink with longer hair so I would know it is me. So sweet and thoughtful. Though I'm confused by the oatmeal cookies and milk since I don't think he's ever asked for, or eaten, that. And the yoga thing, we did Tuesday night and he brought this home Wednesday. I guess he enjoyed it. We have done it once more since, but he didn't enjoy that one as much. He is fun to watch try though.

Today we went for a run, well I tried some jogging and he did some biking. It was good, but I am sore and tired now! I am very out of shape. Hopefully I'll get better. I plan to do it on the weekends with him, and hopefully twice a week after work, before I get him from daycare. The other days after work I hope to do some weights. With some better eating, I hope, I will be in better shape. 

We have no plans for actual Father's Day. We will call or message my dad, but otherwise there are no plans to celebrate. I had thought we might go see Finding Dory but Jackson doesn't want to go, so we'll wait a bit and see if he changes his mind about it. While we will celebrate my dad, we do not celebrate the donor, and I don't want stuff for me (though the note he did is adorable!). 

Bad luck and Birthday Party Excitement

Today was Jackson's 5th birthday party. I booked the same place I took him last year. He invited 7 little boys but only 6 came, it was still a lot of fun. And he got some nice gifts. I think everyone had a good time. It is funny that because he is in a split kindergarten class he is with kids much younger, and others a bit older than him. He turns 5 but had at least 3 of his friends who are just turned 4. At that age I guess it doesn't matter too much. The theme was dinosaurs, and my sister did a fabulous cake for the party.

Awesome dino cake!

The kids got to run and play, they were all red faced and tired by the end of the party. I think it was a great deal, perhaps we will be back again next year! The girl who did his party last year was there working and remembered us, which was nice. She didn't do his party though. 

The place has a play area, so you can bring your kid and let them play. It's a little costly for how long, and without a friend to go too it isn't as much fun. They do a "Kids night out" as well, which is really reasonable, $15 for 3 hours, drop the kids off at 6 pm, pick up at 9 pm and they play, have a snack and watch a movie. Jackson did it once but was very shy and quiet and it was hard to drop him off. He has now asked to go again though. So perhaps there are some nights out in my future! Or even nights in... drop him off and have 3 hours to myself, what would I do???

The bad luck bit is because of the morning. We went to get some groceries and a toy for the angel tree at school. Then stopped at the library to pick up a book I had on hold. Finally were going to pick up our passports from the post office but it didn't open until 11 and it was 10:30, so we started for home. Turning right onto a busy street, with a yield sign, light in my direction would have been red, and I stopped because a car was going kind of fast, I would have cut them off, or been hit, so I stopped. Well the lady behind me didn't so CRASH! I've had my car since the end of July. Seriously. It now has a big crack in the bumper, and I had the fun of dealing with all of that on birthday party day... I called my insurance as soon as we got home, because I was hit from behind I'm not at fault so won't have to pay the deductible. All in all it was really annoying though. Had to go way out to the police station and the lady police officer was rather rude at first, I was getting upset. She kept telling me I hadn't gotten enough information, but the 911 operator had taken it all down and I didn't have a pen or paper in the car. She eventually softened up a bit when I mentioned we'd been on the way to my son's birthday party. And then she found out the other lady had already been in to report it... so phew! Any way. Now to take the car in for an estimate (ugh) and then get it fixed, deal with a rental (thankfully covered!) and yeah... 

My neck, the back of my head hurts, is a bit sore. I've taken some ibuprofen, it seems to help but I think I'll go to the doctor on Monday just in case. We'll see if I feel better before then. I'm sure I'm fine, but I'd rather be safe than sorry! Jackson is fine, he swears nothing hurts, he is ok. He was in his booster seat, which I think I should replace? But I'm not sure. I mean the other lady's car wasn't even damaged, mine is fairly minor. No airbags were deployed or anything. I am waiting to talk to the insurance adjuster and see. Obviously if they cover the expense I will get him a new one. 

The irony of the car accident is we had one about 2 and a half years ago, a few months after I had gotten my car in 2012. We've had this car only a few months as well. I think perhaps I won't ever get a new car again! At least we are both ok, the car is drive-able, and it will all be sorted out. I'm getting to be a pro at this! I do wish people would notice that I'm there, and not moving, and you know, stop.

Time Flies

Jackson and I have been doing well. I've managed to lose about 20 pounds since mid-January, turned 39, had a minor freak out over the fact I'll be turning 40 in a year. Hated how long winter lasted, and how cold spring has been so far! Started working out, at like 5 am! Which is actually fun and I look forward to. May is going to be a busy month for us, Jackson starts T-ball Tuesday, which will be very odd for us, we normally get home and that's it. Now we'll be rushing through dinner and then off to T-ball. He starts swimming lessons at the end of the month. I had to put him in private lessons as I forgot the day sign up opened so only private lessons were left, which will probably be better in the end run any way!  It's only 4 lessons but I hope it will be a good start for him, and I don't have to get into the pool :-)

I have booked us on a Disney Cruise! We will be going in February next year, and I will be turning 40 on a beach. I also plan to take us to Florida a couple days early and stay at Walt Disney World. We will probably go to Animal Kingdom for a day, it seems like a good start. I am thoroughly excited about the cruise. I went on one with my parents when I was 16, but this will be the first travel on my own. It is very exciting, and I hope it will be a new tradition for us. Though I may choose a different cruise line another time, especially given how much more Disney is, but I thought for the first one at least we'd choose something extra kid friendly.

Which may have some of you guessing I probably won't be attempting to go for 2 just yet. I want to, but I keep thinking it might not be a good idea. So I waiver on it, constantly. I am choosing to focus now on my health and weight. Perhaps as I go through that journey I will come to a final decision and move forward with it.

Jackson is still in school. I believe he's doing well but don't get a lot of feedback. I know he is making a lot of friends as he is getting invited to a lot of birthday parties. I have gotten a couple phone calls, he apparently has a bit of a temper, but he is also quite sensitive. He takes it very hard when he gets in trouble. And wow can he make up good excuses and stories. He has quite an imagination, which is awesome.

Spring is here, but was a slow start, and it's still so cold! Tomorrow is may and it was single digits today. Crazy. I hope summer arrives some day. We have gone to the park a couple times, and out for walks. I am waiting for it to be a little less muddy before we head to the nature trails. We have a new big sandbox which is a big hit. I wish we could get a play structure but we rent and I don't want to put something that costs so much. So we'll stick with the sandbox, and the scooter and bike for getting out. Of course the park too. Since I am already in better shape than last summer, walking to the park is not as hard as it once was. And Jackson is old enough to play on everything on his own now.

Summer will be pretty quiet, since I need to save some vacation days for the cruise, and money for that as well, we'll be taking a couple short weeks. Hopefully we'll go down to visit my parents. Though I do also plan on keeping a couple days for myself and sending Jackson to daycare. Mama does need a break on occasion.