Tuesday, August 27, 2013

A week to school

I think I am more worried about this change than Jackson is.  Apparently I do not handle change very well either.  He has been a lot more cuddly lately, and looking for comfort and reassurance.  I know he's trying to process the whole change and we talk about it every night at bedtime, but he is also doing quite well with everything.  I managed to get all the paperwork done, phew!  Short time frame but I did it. I still haven't heard from the school at all, hopefully this week, to confirm everything, and his start date for school.  He starts at the daycare September 3rd, and they do a staggered start in the school, so we go in to meet the teacher, then later he starts with a small group, and finally the whole group of kids.  I think he will be one of 10 or so that are also in the daycare, so he will have built in friends, which is great.

I am a little nervous about the daycare, I have been spoiled with the brand new facility he's been at.  The new place is more chaotic in layout, and while I know he will do well there, it was a little overwhelming, with the kids who are so much older than he is.  But he will be with them only before school and after the full day kids, as well as the PD days.  I hope that the first day goes really well.

We have been talking about what he'll do, and how to make a new friend, even what to eat for snacks and lunch. I know he's nervous about it, but also excited. I think he will miss the place he's been going, it's been 2 years and he has some good friends.

School will bring changes for me too.  Because the new daycare opens half an hour earlier I hope I am able to work 7:30 to 3:30 instead of 8 to 4.  I will then come home and walk/run with the dog.  Pick the kid up at 4:30.  So he'll be in care for an extra hour but I think it will be worth it as the dog has been greatly neglected lately. He needs the exercise, and so do I!  I don't expect exercise will help me lose much weight, but it will help me feel better, which is more important I suppose.

We'll also have different weekends, with soccer on Saturday mornings and Sunday mornings will be basketball. I had signed him up with the expectation of our normal routine, but this will be busier for sure.  It should help curb the spending/shopping habits though.  Since we'll be busy all morning we'll have to plan for meals, and spend some time in the afternoon prepping for the next week.  I know we will have to prep a lot since I'll be sending in snack for school and lunch for daycare.  So that's a lot of healthy stuff to figure out and not be boring with.  I hope it means I will also take my own lunch with more regularity.  I tend to get lazy, especially around pay day :-)

I keep going over and over the math.  And I can't see how I can afford another baby.  I mean in my head I know this.  I know if I want to take him on a Disney Cruise or really anywhere, if I want to buy a house, I can't afford it.  My heart is having a hard time letting go.  Even knowing that if I were to get pregnant this fall he'd be almost 5 by the time baby 2 arrives, or if I wait another year, he'll be 6!  That seems like such a big gap. But for some reason I can't quite let it go.  I wonder if when he's 20, and I'm 55 and retiring, if I'll even be able to let it go then. Probably not.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013


I was pretty sure of my decision to keep Jackson out of school for one more year, I hadn't been offered a subsidized daycare position in the school daycare and I can't afford the full price, so I knew I could wait a year, school would be full days and I'd only need to worry about before school care which I can afford.   Today I got a phone call from the school daycare, offering me that subsidized spot. Eek!  I asked for some time to think about it, and hung up. Immediately called my mom, of course.  And we talked it through. Then I had to call the school to register him, which of course is closed for the summer but I can register him at the school board. Then called the daycare he's at and talked to the director.  Finally, called and left messages with the subsidy person, hopefully there are no issues and the payments simply transfer over, but I have no idea how that part works and it is the last bit that is stressing me out.

So yeah, Jackson starts junior kindergarten in two weeks. Seriously.  I will have to worry about a snack for the classroom, lunch in the daycare, and what to get him, back to school shopping!  I wasn't expecting it so I have no budget for it.  This is going to be interesting to say the least!

I also signed  him up for indoor soccer and basketball, our weekends are going to be busy, I suspect he'll be a tired little boy for awhile. We'll be busy.  Such changes. I am probably going to change my hours at work a bit as well, and may either do an extra half hour a day so I can take a day off every 3 weeks, or just go home right after, walk the dog, then go pick up the kid.  We'll see on that front.  I'm sure the dog would vote for walking him. It will be strange to drive right back to this area at the end of the day, not have to stop half way, not have to deal with the extra traffic.  I hope it turns out ok.

I think the part that scares me most, is the lunches. I need to make sure he has healthy lunches now, that I put together, and that he will eat. He has had a variety of food at daycare, and he'll eat quite a bit there, now it's up to me to put things together!  I have been looking at a lot of sites and blogs with kid lunches for school, one thing we need to get are some containers that he can open. I normally use one brand but he can't get the lids off, so I'll need to get some different ones.

I am not sure my little boy is totally ready for school, but he probably will be by January, and I don't want to lose the spot in the daycare.  So. There you go! Off to school in two weeks.  Oh my.

Friday, August 9, 2013


Jackson and I are just back from visiting my parents for a week.  It was really nice, he had a lot of fun. But he is happy to be home and never wants to go back. I am pretty sure it's just that he doesn't know how to express the emotions he's feeling, he loves my parents and playing at their house, he loves spending time with them, but he is sad to leave, and doesn't know how to deal with it. It is interesting to see him try and work through it, and try to help him sort it out. That it is ok to be upset that we came home, but also happy to be home in our own space.

We did a lot while we were down there, went shopping a couple times, had lunch at the mall, played in the backyard, went to the beach, and he spent one day without me. I went to Toronto to meet up with some ladies I met online, yes I know, and had a nice day. Jackson went fishing and of course my dad didn't take any pictures! Hopefully next time. I found Toronto to be big and busy, and smelly. I do not ever want to live there.

I also realized while down there that I had made a mistake in my budget, I took daycare out as of September and never put it back when I decided to keep him going for an extra year, so I had to fix that and it makes me sad. I've been spending and shopping like I have money when I don't. So now it's catching up to me, and it means I can't afford to try for another this fall/winter. And I don't think waiting another year is a good option. So I guess I'm done. Which is sad to me. I know it's my own fault, and wonder if I did it in part to avoid the question to begin with. I don't have a decision to make, it's been made by my own foolishness.  It's not really a bad thing, we are a happy little family and things are pretty comfortable.  Jackson is a good kid, we have our moments but I am learning how to deal with him.  Even bedtime is getting better.  We spend a few minutes talking over the day, and it helps him to settle down and go to sleep.

So we have two more days until it's back to the grind. We have gift certificates to go see a movie. I am thinking of taking him to his first movie!  It will either be a big hit or a disaster, I am hoping for a hit. I miss going to movies. And since this first one is free, if it's a disaster, well then it's ok.