My dad is quite ill. It's strange because up until a couple months ago he was walking 5 miles a day. Now he has lost quite a bit of weight, and is on a bunch of medications. He is finally feeling up to eating again so hopefully that will help. He also has had a few tests done and more ordered. And he finally got a new family doctor in their new town. That is good at least, he'll have someone to follow his care instead of having to wait hours in the ER to speak to someone. I hope he feels better soon. My mom is still worried about him, but happy he's starting to eat again.
Jackson and I had a fight at bedtime one night. He told me he wants me to get married and find him a father. He thinks that if he had a dad he would never have to be alone, and he'd have more money to play his game. I tried to explain you can't just run out and get a man to marry, that I'm not really interested, it's hard work, and that it probably wouldn't go how he thinks. But he was quite upset. He then also said he just wants a bigger family. I kind of broke down and told him I am so sorry I never gave him a brother or sister. He gave me a hug and told me he doesn't need a brother or sister. But I do feel badly about it. Not so much the dad part simply because I really don't see the need.
We have seen more of our family these past few weeks than in the months before. I suppose that is a good thing, but it's also different. I am very much an introvert, though I love my kid and being a mom, I also love to be quiet and alone, reading or whatever. It is one thing I do love about vacation, just the two of us and not having to be around people all the time. I find that draining.
Now I just need to grow our family. A little. Though it will be hard, and expensive. I know it can happen. I do regret not doing it sooner. So much. But I will still move forward, and do this. I am old, and my eggs are old. There are options, and I will follow them as best I can.
Wednesday, August 8, 2018
Sunday, August 5, 2018
Hot Summer
We are officially on vacation! For 4 weeks together. I had a few days off before he was done day care for the summer. He doesn't know that though. I was supposed to clean the house, reorganize furniture, do a bunch of stuff. But I didn't do any of it. I did watch some Netflix, catch up on some TV, and spend time wondering what to do. We don't really have any plans this year. No big trips, no Disney. We aren't even going to spend a week at my parent's because they live so close now.
Which has turned out to be a good thing. My dad is suddenly on a few medications and going for a bunch of tests. He has water on his lungs, heart arrhythmia, and went in to the hospital for tests because of his heart burn. Which they still haven't done anything about. My mom is all freaked out, she seems to think he's dying and she was supposed to die first... so it's been fun. My sister is upset because my mom is. And I, somehow, am the one calming them all down. My dad doesn't seem overly worried, he's on some pills which is surprising, he has always been active. Up until a couple years ago he was doing marathons. Until they moved he was walking 5 miles a day at least 5 times a week. He is in great shape, no high blood pressure, doesn't smoke or drink except an occasional glass of wine. He eats fairly well and isn't over weight, or at least not by much if he is at all. So who knows what is going on. I think he had walking pneumonia or something and it's affecting his lungs and heart. I think he also has sleep apnea, but hasn't been tested for it. I hope he will end up going for a sleep study. He has a CT scan with barium on Tuesday, and then we'll have more information.
It is odd that I am the calmest about it all. Being practical I guess. I have some worry but not a lot. Not sure why? I guess we'll see how things go next week. Monday we are going to help move stuff to the basement. It's finally finished so they can move the boxes from the garage, and some furniture, down to the basement. Jackson will just be entertaining I'm sure. My brother in law and nieces will be there as well. I guess it's good they are so close now, it's much easier to help.
There is a heat warning today. I wish we could get out but it's far too hot out there. Hopefully it will clear up evening so I can walk the dog. Or he'll just have to run around the house. I'd love to go get some ice cream, but I shouldn't. It's really good though, and it's so hot out. But I am trying to be good. And will need to be sticking to my diet plan sooner than later. Plus it costs money, which I should be saving. Donor egg IVF is rather pricey.
I think I am settled on a plan of action. I have a plan for my health, a plan for finances, and am hoping to go to my doctor in September before I go back to work, so I can get a new referral, and also one to a psychologist so that will be covered by my work insurance. I think I could contact the EAP and they would likely give me some sort of consult free, but I'd like to be able to see someone who knows stuff about fertility. I'll need to do that before moving forward with donor eggs, etc any way.
I would like to go south this winter, but I can't because of zika, and financially it wouldn't make sense to do so. I need to save everything I have if I want to move forward. Plus I'm reluctant to go to an all inclusive. I've been researching them and it doesn't seem like it would be best for us. We do love to cruise, and go to Disney. My problem is the uncertainty in the US right now. Makes me reluctant to go there. Though I'm considering it for treatment. Oh well. I can't figure out where to go any way. Perhaps if I am successful we'll be travelling as 3 people at some point. But not likely until baby to be is 2 or 3. So in 4 years? Ugh. But that's ok.
I can do this. Somehow. I will figure it out. Somehow. Not sure why I am bothering with things to improve my egg quality when I know I'll need donor eggs. Doesn't make much sense. But I'll keep it up for now. Prenatal, CoQ10, Vitamin D, fish oils, vitamin C, magnesium and a B complex. Most of those are a good idea any way I think? And I'll add whatever is needed as I am closer to moving forward, I think there are a few things good to help with implantation.
So for now, we are on vacation. When school starts again in the fall the plan is for Jackson to be able to be an after school walker. It will save some daycare, give him some freedom, and should work out. I would be home 10 minutes or so after him most days. I will have to get a home phone, and work out something for the door so he doesn't need to carry a key. A smart lock with keypad would work. The home phone I'll sign up for next week, along with new internet, save a bit of money there too. I'd love to get rid of TV as well but there are still some shows I like to watch. For now the $50 or so I pay for that part is ok. If I can get the internet plus home phone for less than I currently pay for internet, well that sounds great to me. Then I need to get a lock and key pad, and we'll be all set. Well except for pants, shirts, shoes, snow suit, gloves, hats, boots, ugh!
Which has turned out to be a good thing. My dad is suddenly on a few medications and going for a bunch of tests. He has water on his lungs, heart arrhythmia, and went in to the hospital for tests because of his heart burn. Which they still haven't done anything about. My mom is all freaked out, she seems to think he's dying and she was supposed to die first... so it's been fun. My sister is upset because my mom is. And I, somehow, am the one calming them all down. My dad doesn't seem overly worried, he's on some pills which is surprising, he has always been active. Up until a couple years ago he was doing marathons. Until they moved he was walking 5 miles a day at least 5 times a week. He is in great shape, no high blood pressure, doesn't smoke or drink except an occasional glass of wine. He eats fairly well and isn't over weight, or at least not by much if he is at all. So who knows what is going on. I think he had walking pneumonia or something and it's affecting his lungs and heart. I think he also has sleep apnea, but hasn't been tested for it. I hope he will end up going for a sleep study. He has a CT scan with barium on Tuesday, and then we'll have more information.
It is odd that I am the calmest about it all. Being practical I guess. I have some worry but not a lot. Not sure why? I guess we'll see how things go next week. Monday we are going to help move stuff to the basement. It's finally finished so they can move the boxes from the garage, and some furniture, down to the basement. Jackson will just be entertaining I'm sure. My brother in law and nieces will be there as well. I guess it's good they are so close now, it's much easier to help.
There is a heat warning today. I wish we could get out but it's far too hot out there. Hopefully it will clear up evening so I can walk the dog. Or he'll just have to run around the house. I'd love to go get some ice cream, but I shouldn't. It's really good though, and it's so hot out. But I am trying to be good. And will need to be sticking to my diet plan sooner than later. Plus it costs money, which I should be saving. Donor egg IVF is rather pricey.
I think I am settled on a plan of action. I have a plan for my health, a plan for finances, and am hoping to go to my doctor in September before I go back to work, so I can get a new referral, and also one to a psychologist so that will be covered by my work insurance. I think I could contact the EAP and they would likely give me some sort of consult free, but I'd like to be able to see someone who knows stuff about fertility. I'll need to do that before moving forward with donor eggs, etc any way.
I would like to go south this winter, but I can't because of zika, and financially it wouldn't make sense to do so. I need to save everything I have if I want to move forward. Plus I'm reluctant to go to an all inclusive. I've been researching them and it doesn't seem like it would be best for us. We do love to cruise, and go to Disney. My problem is the uncertainty in the US right now. Makes me reluctant to go there. Though I'm considering it for treatment. Oh well. I can't figure out where to go any way. Perhaps if I am successful we'll be travelling as 3 people at some point. But not likely until baby to be is 2 or 3. So in 4 years? Ugh. But that's ok.
I can do this. Somehow. I will figure it out. Somehow. Not sure why I am bothering with things to improve my egg quality when I know I'll need donor eggs. Doesn't make much sense. But I'll keep it up for now. Prenatal, CoQ10, Vitamin D, fish oils, vitamin C, magnesium and a B complex. Most of those are a good idea any way I think? And I'll add whatever is needed as I am closer to moving forward, I think there are a few things good to help with implantation.
So for now, we are on vacation. When school starts again in the fall the plan is for Jackson to be able to be an after school walker. It will save some daycare, give him some freedom, and should work out. I would be home 10 minutes or so after him most days. I will have to get a home phone, and work out something for the door so he doesn't need to carry a key. A smart lock with keypad would work. The home phone I'll sign up for next week, along with new internet, save a bit of money there too. I'd love to get rid of TV as well but there are still some shows I like to watch. For now the $50 or so I pay for that part is ok. If I can get the internet plus home phone for less than I currently pay for internet, well that sounds great to me. Then I need to get a lock and key pad, and we'll be all set. Well except for pants, shirts, shoes, snow suit, gloves, hats, boots, ugh!
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