Goodbye 2020

 New year's eve. It feels good that this year is ending. I wish it had gone better. This COVID, lockdown stuff has been difficult. But I am trying to see the good things in it. I have really enjoyed working from home. I will continue with that for as long as possible, if I never have to go back to an office I will be ok with that. Though I'd like to go get my stuff from my desk, I had a really nice pair of boots I left as well as some baby pictures of kiddo, some of his artwork and a fancy travel mug I used for coffee/tea while I was there. Not much else really but still, I'd like to get that stuff. Eventually. 

My goals for this year have been interesting to try and keep. Yelling less, I think I have? I have certainly learned to listen to him more and let him have a bit more freedom in his own schedule. We haven't had regular games nights or anything but we do spend some time together and he is finally putting himself to sleep, though having a hard time getting to bed at night. We will work on that in the new year.

Losing weight, I did lose some over the early summer, it was hard and took a lot of exercise. And when I gave up again it all came back. Of course. My goal for the new year will be to eat keto/low carb and get 2500 steps on the days I work, as well as 10 minutes or more of walking each day. The goal is not the weight loss but to feel better. For my stomach to not be so unhappy, to have more energy. Hopefully, weight loss will come but it isn't the goal. 

The decluttering I did last December has remained, things have moved a bit and the kitchen remains a sore spot, honestly the layout is not the best for us. But the rest of the space on the main floor is good. I haven't done nearly enough to the rest of the house, but I need to now if we will be moving. I do not want to move all this stuff if we don't need to! So stuff needs to go. Sadly donation is difficult with covid around, so I'll have to figure that out and perhaps in a month or two things can be picked up again? 

Certainly, a lot changed in 2020, but not as much as I expected I guess. Jackson isn't in daycare, or school for that matter. My new job did not turn out as well as I had hoped but it's a job and I will continue working to make it better for me. If it doesn't improve though, since I've been there almost a year, I will look for something else. We haven't moved, but I still hope to. By the time we move, I will decide where and to which place. I hope by March 30 to get my back pay so will have enough for first/last, moving expenses and new stuff for the new place. I plan a two month No Buy challenge again, this time we'll stick to it. Nothing other than groceries, pet food and gas for the car, which I don't need a lot of. Jackson will get his allowance but it is all he will have to spend. I hope this will help us save even more for moving, and get Jackson a gaming computer. Though to earn that he has to actually speak to the therapist and the possibility of medication is there as well. 

For 2021, besides my goals for eating and moving my body, and my home, I haven't got much else. I want to focus on my health and my home. Jackson has said he wants to try therapy and perhaps medication for his ADHD so he won't have anger issues. I have an appointment on the 4th to talk to his family doctor and hopefully therapy will follow soon after. I will also bring up medication and see what the doctor's thoughts are on that. For school, I will leave that up to kiddo, if he'd like to continue homeschooling I am ok with that, or if he wants to go to school I will be ok with that as well. We do have a trip planned for December 2021, hopefully we will be vaccinated by then, and I will be ok with him missing two weeks of school for it. If they aren't, well I'm not sure it matters to me. I am quite disillusioned with public school to be honest, I blame them for a lot of Jackson's problems. 

I still feel the two bedroom townhome is the best choice for us, but the three bedroom would be nice. It costs more and I would worry things could be hard financially. It all costs more than here of course, but I am anxious to move. A lot of the problems here I am sure the landlord would solve if I brought it up with him, and some he will have to fix for a new tenant any way (the back deck which is rotting for example). But the space is also not the best for us. The kitchen in particular is not the best for cooking, which is part of why I don't like to cook. It may be silly but I think if we had a nice kitchen with a big island I would be more inclined to actually cook. And cooking would be better for our health. We have been watching some TV together and keep seeing the commercials for meal delivery kits and he asks why we don't get them any more. The short answer is both they are expensive and he has never eaten the actual meals from them. I always have to cook the food differently for him than the recipe calls for. He said he would try meat with sauce on it next time. But I do think we'll wait until we move to try them again. So hopefully April or May. 

Now tonight, steak, broccoli and spaghetti for supper. And tomorrow I cut carbs, again, and stick with it this time. Tomorrow I start walking again, inside or out, 10 minutes a day to start. Tonight we will watch something on TV or a movie and eat chips and chocolate and candy. Tomorrow, I will start cleaning in the basement and the guest room. I have to take down the Christmas tree, but am reluctant to do so, it is so pretty and I don't want to put it away. I am so glad we got a new tree, it is smaller but fits nicely and looks so nice. It will be so empty without it, and all the other stuff. I guess it's like that every year. This year seems different though. We had no family get together, it's been a week since Christmas and it feels strange. Time is always a bit of a blur this time of year, and this year is worse than ever. The whole year has been a blur. Hopefully 2021 will be better. Sometime by April vaccinations should be available for us (or me at least I guess) and this coming summer we will hopefully be able to do more than last year, perhaps go back to the zoo, maybe get to go to Calypso again, and just be happy. 

Merry Christmas!

 Christmas 2020. What a year! We had tuna casserole last night for supper. Jackson's request. It was very good, and there is a bit leftover for lunch tomorrow or his dinner tonight if he doesn't like what I make. Which I hope turns out. 

Jackson didn't get a lot of sleep last night, maybe an hour or two. I didn't sleep much better to be honest, but we were up at 7 and ready to go! He was very happy with the stocking items, and as we opened gifts he liked all of them as well. He got a few science items, a kit to make explosive foam, a microscope and some slides, and a telescope as well. He also got some lego and a ukulele. A few cozy blankets and lots of candy. To be honest, for only being two people in the house, there were a lot of presents! When I commented on that he said it's because he's an only child so he gets spoiled. 

All those presents! And two cats checking it out.

It didn't take all that long to open things up, he was good at handing things out, and getting me to open things as well. It was a fun morning. Now for the less fun part, only because in a normal year we'd be going over to my sister's around 3 for dinner, and meeting family there. But this year of course there is nothing. We will skype with my parents later so Jackson can show off some of his gifts and perhaps play a song on the ukulele. If we can figure out how to tune it. 

I think next year will be less presents, we have a trip planned for right before Christmas on his birthday, and perhaps that will be enough, plus smaller things to open up. Or I'll be pregnant? Maybe? Or in the process of adopting? Or we'll have moved and have to spend more on rent so no money left for presents... We'll see! 

One week to eat a lot of chocolate up before New Year's Eve and 2021, when the healthy eating starts. One week to get the basement cleaned and sorted as much as possible. Starting tomorrow :-)

Christmas Eve

 This year has been a bit much. Everything has just been a lot. I am trying to find some good moments in amongst all the stuff that's happened, and I admit there have been some good things. I love working from home, Jackson and I have gotten along better, the house is neat on the main level and Christmas promises to be lovely. We opened up Christmas PJ's to wear tomorrow while we open gifts, and hopefully they fit us :) The dog got a Christmas sweater, which he doesn't really like. Tomorrow, I hope the boy likes his presents. I'm not sure he will really love them all but I hope so! It will be quiet and just the two of us. We'll video chat my parents later to show off his gifts. 

Finn's Sweater

Yesterday we went to meet them half way, they had picked up some sausages and stuff for kiddo, including a new monitor to replace the one he broke. Hopefully this one will last. On the way there a light came on the dash of my car and it got stiff to turn. So that made for a great present. I got it towed to the dealership where they fixed it up. Mice/rats chewed a wire. Could have been worse, but still cost $500. I'm parked in the driveway until we kill all the mice/rats. Or move, whichever comes first. 

I still want to move. I want to go on cruises, go back to Disney. I want to have another child, or adopt, or something. All of those require money, which I have less of than I would like. And of course I am not getting any younger. And this entire year has been a right off... I wasted it and the time home. I could have done more, but I didn't. I have a few months to get ready, still in lock down. I will use it to my advantage.

I also need to contact our family doctor in the new year and get Jackson to talk to a therapist. He asked for medication, I'm not sure of that but I am at a point where perhaps it is necessary. I think I could also use a therapist so we'll see about that too. Different ones. 

Tomorrow is Christmas. I made Jackson promise not to get me up before 7 for presents. Today he got up at noon. He's been having trouble sleeping and tonight I am sure he'll get very little. He can have a nap after the gifts, unless he wants to play with them all or something. We will have sausages, hashbrowns, bacon and eggs for breakfast. Lots of coffee for me. And I got a porchetta for dinner, we'll have mashed potatoes with it, cauliflower and gravy of course. I'm not sure how to cook the roast but I'll figure it out tomorrow. There will be lots of candy and chocolate (for me) some hot chocolate and marshmallows. And lots of rain, so a green Christmas (no snow!).

Starting on the 26th I need to get in the basement and get cleaning! I may need some more bins, I have bought 6 but not sure it will be enough for the toys and stuff down there. I have 3 to 5 months before I hope to move so need to get things cleaned up and sorted down there asap. I guess since I'm parking in the driveway I can use the garage for some garbage storage. I don't want to move anything more than necessary. I'll take the tree down by the 31st probably. And hopefully it won't take too long to get the basement sorted out. 

It's a Christmas Lockdown

 Our premier announced that starting on Boxing Day we'll be back in lock down for 4 weeks. I do get it, and I have commented that I hope we follow Quebec because so many of them would just come here if we didn't. But oh, it's hard to go back! I mean it doesn't impact me too much I guess, but there will be limitations on some things, even going to the pet store to get the dog's food becomes more difficult. I plan to go to the grocery store tomorrow and get what I need for a few weeks, and we'll see from there. I mean grocery stores will still be open of course, but I'd prefer not to go and stand in line again, especially given it's winter now and cold! We were expecting to have a just us Christmas, which is perhaps why I am so keen to have another child. It feels lonely and like we need more. 

The doctor's office is closed for two weeks, I hope they will do online or telephone appointments when the two weeks are over, I need a new referral for Jackson to a psychologist. I am tired of broken things. He gets so angry and just breaks things, expensive things. He's now without a computer for at least a few weeks. He had broken the screen but got a monitor for his birthday and broke that. So yeah. It's super fun times here. At least Christmas is soon and hopefully some of his gifts will help to fill his time a bit. And this stuff is all why I wonder if having another child would be a something I can handle. He is sometimes more than I can manage. We are given what we can manage but it is hard to manage sometimes. Maybe I need to talk to the therapist too. 

Working on getting his sleep back to normal, he had one good day/night and then last night not so much. I think he was still upset about the broken monitor, but hopefully he will be able to get to sleep tonight eventually. I do hope he comes down to do more than watch youtube on his phone. We had one good day and an ok evening yesterday. After the broken monitor that is. I wonder if a few weeks of no games will make a difference. I doubt it. He still isn't learning how to deal with the anger. I tell him he can get mad but he can't break things or hurt people (including himself). We've tried a lot of things but nothing seems to stick, and he feels it's all "stupid". I don't even know if talking to someone else would even be helpful. If he will even talk to them. He asked the other day if he could just take medication, so we'll discuss that with the doctor as well. I don't know if it will help. Sometimes I wonder if anything will help. But I know he can't go on like this forever, he will have no friends, no one will want to be near him. So something needs to be done. 

Working from home

My office has all been working from home since mid-March. It's been interesting. The IT department has really done a great job getting it so everyone is able to be online and secure. We have some great tools to make it easier to keep in touch with people, and having meetings, video calls and such are going well. I have really been enjoying it. Especially once they gave better time frames, it was a few weeks, then months, and now we know to the end of June. Makes life much easier! 

Yesterday there was a town hall with the top people and one of them said that working from home would be something that could continue even after COVID is over. I was really happy to hear that, and hope to remain in positions that allow that to continue until I retire. If the second in charge of then entire Agency can say she'll never have to drive in a snowstorm again, I think that should apply to me as well. It means that we can live anywhere, honestly anywhere the Agency has an office I think. Not that I can see leaving here except to maybe going a bit further out eventually. It opens possibilities any way.

It also gives me options for schooling. Jackson is homeschooling this year but in September he can go back, or stay home if I can still work from home. It is a nice option to have as well. It means we can do trips whenever, and he's learning what he wants as well as what he should be. It does mean he doesn't get to play with his friends as often, but he is doing that online instead of in person, which is better for COVID any way. His sleep/wake up has been a mess but hopefully is getting back on track now. Even things like lunches are easier since there are things he won't eat at home versus at school. He is learning some cooking skills. And becoming a bit more self sufficient. 

Working from home means being with these guys all day. 

Finn

Kit Kat who is always cold and knows when the furnace comes on

Snickers in back and Elsa in front

Jackson turns 11

 It's my baby's birthday. Today, as when he was born, it's snowing. Unlike the past few years, we haven't been able to have a big party. We did facetime my parents while he opened presents, so that was nice. And we will order in our usual dinner. Normally we'd go there but that isn't really a smart choice. I have ice cream for his special dessert, with sprinkles and a candle. He isn't big on cake so this works. I did buy some mini cupcakes he likes but I think he will enjoy the ice cream more. 

The dog goes to the groomers this afternoon as well, he needs a haircut. Then I'll pick him up later when he's all dry and smells good again. And this morning I went to the big W and spent way too much money, but think I am finally done shopping! I wrapped all the presents when I got home, realized I ordered the wrong Monopoly game, should have checked the packages better when things arrived, but did find the proper one on amazon and will get it Monday. So phew... and we'll keep the other version for a gift for someone if birthday parties ever become a thing again. I took the day off and it was nice. I can't wait to be off for two weeks over the holidays.

We were supposed to be on a cruise ship this week, today we'd be in Grand Cayman and going to the steakhouse for dinner. Maybe next year. Now that one vaccine is approved, I am sure others will follow. I know I'm not at the top of the list to get one, and kids aren't even on the list yet, but hopefully by next fall we'll be able to get them and then be able to travel again. I miss travelling! 

We've been talking a lot about moving. I am hoping by May, but earlier would be better. It depends on what "spring" means in terms of my back pay. March? or later? Who knows, but we'll be getting ready any way. The main floor is still looking good after the decluttering last year, a few hot spots pop up, I have a hard time keeping the kitchen neat, it's just so little counter space, so little storage. But the rest is good. I will work in the basement over the holidays, I plan to spend a couple days, or part of days at least, down there getting as much as possible out of the house. And I have lists of things we want to buy or replace before, or shortly after, we move. I think we'll be staying in Barrhaven, where exactly remains to be seen still. And perhaps it is silly to move, but I want a change I guess. I hope to buy a few of the items I want to replace over the next few months. At least the raises are set to come before the new year, so my pay will go up, thank goodness. 

I wonder sometimes, if I should move ahead with baby 2 plans. My body is against it, but my heart yearns for it. With 11, and more likely 12 years between kids, is it foolish? I mean another 7 years and Jackson is 18, then I could be alone again. But is that what I want? Jackson wants a brother who is only a few years younger than he is. Adoption would be that route, but adoption comes with it's own hurdles, and difficulties. And I worry I wouldn't pass whatever tests they set. Plus I'd have to rely on other people to provide references and such. It's so frustrating a process. But I won't be happy without trying something. Adoption is less expensive, but less sure. 

So I go on with my plans. Though keto fell in the face of my mom's cherry loaf. I am getting back to it, and will continue to try and follow it through the new year, January and February for sure. No more junk food or carbs for me. I will be ready and able to do it. And the cherry loaf is gone so that helps. The decluttering continues, and will escalate shortly. 

Jackson has quite the set up now for his computer, except that his laptop is not powerful enough to be a true gaming system. I did promise him a gaming system once I get my back pay, in the spring. He has everything else he needs for it now though, fancy microphone, webcam, good monitor, gaming keyboard and mouse. I'll get him a good system in the spring, and a bigger desk once we move. If we move. We should move.