Another year is winding down. A decade really. I will soon be 45! Jackson is now 10, double digits! It has been quite a lot. A lot has happened, yet it all still feels the same. Does that make sense? I'm not sure.
This year has been interesting, it started pretty well. We were in a good place in terms of his behaviours. He started the year with comments from teachers that they noticed an improvement in him. We are ending it not that well. He's been on all his devices far too much, and is angry a lot of the time. I try to connect but he rebuffs me a lot. I miss my sweet boy. It's hard, but we continue on.
My goal for the new year is to yell less, to connect more. I'd like to have a game night, and a movie night. To get him to put away the devices and play. I want us to be active together in the summer. Walks, bike rides, whatever.
I have been gaining weight for awhile now, it keeps creeping up and up. I know what I need to do, the doing of it is the hard part. I plan to eat less carbs, meal plan so that leftovers are accounted for and used up. I will start walking again in the spring, and I'd like to do yoga at some point. I should start exercising sooner than spring, but we'll see on that front.
My home, it never quite got sorted when we moved in, and we continued to add to the toys and "stuff" over the years. My parents hired someone to come help me clean it, so I spent two days with her cleaning the whole main level. I tossed so many bags of garbage and she took even more to donate. There is no clutter now, everything has a place. Even the kitchen is organized and feels like I can cook in it! I still have to do the basement and the upstairs, but I feel like I can do it now. I need to focus though, spend a day or even half a day and just get through stuff. I'll have to take care of the donating myself, so it probably won't end up where I would most like it. Only one place comes to pick stuff up, but that is the easiest for sure.
Money, well money sucks. I am very broke. The cruise I wanted to take in March is not going to happen. But I have a goal to move in August or September (depends when the places are ready). So I need to save, first, last, movers, buy boxes, and hire the clutter lady to help me unpack for a day or half a day, so I start at that place in the right way. I have a cruise booked for next December, and we will go on that one. I can do this, save enough for everything and still manage to feed us properly. It will require saying NO to kiddo more often than I do, but it can happen. I have a list of things I want for the new place, and others I think we'll need. The needs come first of course, and whatever else I can get is prioritized.
The decluttering, getting rid of so much stuff, was cathartic, and exhausting at the same time. I feel good about the house now, though it still feels closed off. I do imagine the new place will be easier to organize. There may be some more toys to go. For now though, it works. Being able to cook will help with eating better. Not tripping over things will mean I can vacuum more often. And it will just be better in the long run. Still a ways to go with two thirds not done, but the one third that is done looks much nicer.
The New Year will be about change. I change jobs in late January. We hope to move mid year and I hope to take Jackson out of daycare by late March. That is a big change. Keeping the house clean, eating better, moving more. I can do it all. It sounds big but most are actually small changes.
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Wednesday, December 25, 2019
Merry Christmas 2019
Another Christmas. This one went pretty well this morning, especially compared to last year. Kiddo got things he hadn't asked for but said if he had known he would have asked for them. So that was good! He is playing video games with his friends now, we will head to my sister's this afternoon for dinner and to play some games. He got a few, cribbage, chinese checkers and backgammon. Classics. He got some chocolate bars, some candy of course, and some star wars things. He got two posters for his room, and I got him a weighted blanket which I hope will help him sleep! My parents got him a chromebook to take to school. I wouldn't buy it for him. I just hope he doesn't lose it or have it get stolen or something. Fingers crossed!
My parents were generous to me as well, they got me a really cool red keurig mini, a new fitbit and they are paying to have someone come spend two days getting rid of "stuff" from my house. Which is really cool. She is coming on the 28 & 29th, I am hopeful it will make a difference, and we'll be able to be more comfortable. The lady is great, she has a lot of energy and is very into it. Plus she takes all the stuff away, which is great.
For dinner this year we are having pasta, with a bunch of toppings and sauces, rather than a turkey dinner. I had planned to get a turkey to do for us but never got around to it, so we'll wait I guess, and see what happens. I may get one after Christmas, but we have a few meals in the fridge to cook and eat, so I don't want to waste that. I ordered a meal box this week, to avoid having to shop, but still ended up going for groceries, so that didn't work as well as I hoped! But we have 3 healthy meals for later this week. I will go and get a few other things later this week, pet food mostly. And probably some lunch items for him.
In January and February we will be on a "no buy" challenge, only getting things we NEED. As I try and pay a few things off, and save up to move. That may carry over into March. I will have to stop imagining we can go away at March break though. I love to plan trips, even when we can't actually go on them.
Now I could use a nap! I didn't sleep well, kept expecting him to get up early. He always has a hard time sleeping on Christmas Eve but did well last night. I could really use a nap though. Perhaps I will go lie down for a bit, we have a few hours before we head out again. At least we have two weeks off, no school or work until January!
My parents were generous to me as well, they got me a really cool red keurig mini, a new fitbit and they are paying to have someone come spend two days getting rid of "stuff" from my house. Which is really cool. She is coming on the 28 & 29th, I am hopeful it will make a difference, and we'll be able to be more comfortable. The lady is great, she has a lot of energy and is very into it. Plus she takes all the stuff away, which is great.
For dinner this year we are having pasta, with a bunch of toppings and sauces, rather than a turkey dinner. I had planned to get a turkey to do for us but never got around to it, so we'll wait I guess, and see what happens. I may get one after Christmas, but we have a few meals in the fridge to cook and eat, so I don't want to waste that. I ordered a meal box this week, to avoid having to shop, but still ended up going for groceries, so that didn't work as well as I hoped! But we have 3 healthy meals for later this week. I will go and get a few other things later this week, pet food mostly. And probably some lunch items for him.
In January and February we will be on a "no buy" challenge, only getting things we NEED. As I try and pay a few things off, and save up to move. That may carry over into March. I will have to stop imagining we can go away at March break though. I love to plan trips, even when we can't actually go on them.
Now I could use a nap! I didn't sleep well, kept expecting him to get up early. He always has a hard time sleeping on Christmas Eve but did well last night. I could really use a nap though. Perhaps I will go lie down for a bit, we have a few hours before we head out again. At least we have two weeks off, no school or work until January!
Sunday, December 8, 2019
Ungratefulness
Jackson turns 10 tomorrow. For his party we went to the swimming pool, with 6 of his friends. They had a great time, then ran around the party room. He got a few nerf guns and a couple other presents. I only served cake and koolaid. I had chips but they ate the cake and then ran around so I didn't put them out. I assumed because the party was from 1 to 3, and swimming was the first hour, that at 2 pm I wouldn't need to serve anything lunch like. I guess a couple of the kids at least didn't have lunch. Oops. Oh well.
Today I let him go out with a friend most of the day and then open his present from my parents and one from me. He got a video game he's wanted. He set it up, really excited, and of course it was hard so he lost his temper and wants to sell it. Very frustrating to me. Then the phone I got him, he would rather have my old cellphone than a brand new just for him phone. Of course I set it up with a new child's google account for him, and it won't let him use regular Youtube. Only the kids version, which makes me wonder if that's the version he should have been using for everything. And makes me really angry. Ungrateful child.
I think it's typical really, he doesn't seem to appreciate anything that he has, from the stuff to the trips we've been on. I don't know that I can fix it, or teach it. I'm at a loss and it just really upsets me. I get that he is a child, and children are, by nature, selfish. But he fails to show much empathy or consideration. I know it's part of why he's had such difficulty in school, getting along with others. He is spoiled, gets everything he asks for or wants. Even a chromebook for school. He asked for it, I said no. He asked my mom, and my dad bought him one for Christmas. Why? I have no idea, they have them in the classroom so I don't know why he feels he needs his own. I'm sure it will get lost/broken/stolen.
My parents got a person to help me with my clutter for Christmas. So she came last week to evaluate my spaces and stuff, and she'll be coming for two days over the holidays to help me get rid of as much as possible. I hope it will make a big difference. A lot of the stuff is Jackson's toys, which he won't really have much say over. I would like him to help with two buckets of toys but otherwise I will make the decisions. She was very excited, and energetic and told me I have great space. I hope it will feel better once she's done. And set me up for an easy move next year. Maybe I will hire her to come help me set up the house once I'm moved in.
Now I need to figure out what to do with this stupid phone, it's a good freaking phone, 3 day battery life, nice big screen, good for videos and calls, he doesn't like that it doesn't have a button, well no kidding, they don't have those any more! Even my new one doesn't have that. I just don't know. I guess he's been spoiled for too long. Getting him the phone in the first place probably didn't help. But I can get rid of the home line again.
I wish I hadn't spent so much over the past few months, though I don't feel like I've overspent. I did increase how much I spend on the pets, they are eating better food and it shows. But it means I can't do the March Break cruise I had booked, and that makes me sad. I understand, and it does come down to the choices I've made, but I still wish I could afford to do it. The itinerary is just so nice, and it would be so fun. We'll have to wait until December 2020.
I got the new job, I start late January. The commute and parking will suck, but the job itself should be fun and I'll be around my friends more which will be good for me I hope. My current job has been frustrating and I am very tired of it. I look forward to moving on. Hopefully the new one works out! But if not I'll be back where I know more people and I'm sure will have the chance to move around if I seek it.
Today I let him go out with a friend most of the day and then open his present from my parents and one from me. He got a video game he's wanted. He set it up, really excited, and of course it was hard so he lost his temper and wants to sell it. Very frustrating to me. Then the phone I got him, he would rather have my old cellphone than a brand new just for him phone. Of course I set it up with a new child's google account for him, and it won't let him use regular Youtube. Only the kids version, which makes me wonder if that's the version he should have been using for everything. And makes me really angry. Ungrateful child.
I think it's typical really, he doesn't seem to appreciate anything that he has, from the stuff to the trips we've been on. I don't know that I can fix it, or teach it. I'm at a loss and it just really upsets me. I get that he is a child, and children are, by nature, selfish. But he fails to show much empathy or consideration. I know it's part of why he's had such difficulty in school, getting along with others. He is spoiled, gets everything he asks for or wants. Even a chromebook for school. He asked for it, I said no. He asked my mom, and my dad bought him one for Christmas. Why? I have no idea, they have them in the classroom so I don't know why he feels he needs his own. I'm sure it will get lost/broken/stolen.
My parents got a person to help me with my clutter for Christmas. So she came last week to evaluate my spaces and stuff, and she'll be coming for two days over the holidays to help me get rid of as much as possible. I hope it will make a big difference. A lot of the stuff is Jackson's toys, which he won't really have much say over. I would like him to help with two buckets of toys but otherwise I will make the decisions. She was very excited, and energetic and told me I have great space. I hope it will feel better once she's done. And set me up for an easy move next year. Maybe I will hire her to come help me set up the house once I'm moved in.
Now I need to figure out what to do with this stupid phone, it's a good freaking phone, 3 day battery life, nice big screen, good for videos and calls, he doesn't like that it doesn't have a button, well no kidding, they don't have those any more! Even my new one doesn't have that. I just don't know. I guess he's been spoiled for too long. Getting him the phone in the first place probably didn't help. But I can get rid of the home line again.
I wish I hadn't spent so much over the past few months, though I don't feel like I've overspent. I did increase how much I spend on the pets, they are eating better food and it shows. But it means I can't do the March Break cruise I had booked, and that makes me sad. I understand, and it does come down to the choices I've made, but I still wish I could afford to do it. The itinerary is just so nice, and it would be so fun. We'll have to wait until December 2020.
I got the new job, I start late January. The commute and parking will suck, but the job itself should be fun and I'll be around my friends more which will be good for me I hope. My current job has been frustrating and I am very tired of it. I look forward to moving on. Hopefully the new one works out! But if not I'll be back where I know more people and I'm sure will have the chance to move around if I seek it.
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