Friday, July 29, 2016

Ah vacation!

Today was my last day at work for 6 weeks. I am so happy to be getting a break. Jackson is also excited. I hope he sleeps in tomorrow but I know he will at some point soon, it usually takes him a few days to relax into it. He's allowed to stay up a bit later as well, for now. I will have to take him to daycare a few days. I have an ultrasound for my possible hernia, and need to get blood work done. I am also hoping to get an appointment at the fertility clinic, but apparently that may not happen any time soon. I will call them next week to make sure they got the referral.

I have told Jackson that I may need to tell him I need a time out somedays, that I like to spend time alone (on my computer according to him...) so I will need some of that when we are on vacation together in order to be a good mommy. I think he understood, and I hope I can recognize when I need that time before I blow up, rather than when I've reached the end of my rope.

I will be trying to avoid too much time on the computer and technology. I'd like him to avoid too much TV as well. We'll see how well that goes! I know the first couple days will be much like a regular weekend. It will take us a few days to relax, it always does! I do hope I can remember to allow myself to enjoy the moments. I think that the length of time off will help me with that.

My plans are fairly simple, get enough sleep, eat more vegetables, be more active. We are not going anywhere, except possibly to my parent's at the end of the vacation. We will hang out at home some, go for a few nature walks, check out the local splash pads, and just generally try to have fun.

I've really enjoyed work the past few weeks. I have been working directly for my director as his executive assistant. I think if it was a different person it would not have been as good but he is very honest, open and allowed me some free reign with what needed to be done. I like being in the know, and seeing all the parts that come together instead of just one little bit of it. I have been told I'm "in training" to be a manager. Which is nice I suppose. There is a language component I am missing, but the opportunity for language training if I can show I am ready to be in that type of position. The problem I have is I am not sure I want it.

When I got my last promotion I wanted it. I knew I could do it, and I knew I could do as well as those who had that type of position before me. I am good at it too. I enjoy it. I am not sure I would like the added responsibilities of being in charge of other people. I mean I love power of course :-) but I don't think I want the job of staying late, working from home, being tied to a blackberry, doing extra work and dealing with people who annoy me. I'm just not that type of person. Ultimately, I think I would choose my family, another child, over the extra money and work. I mean of course extra money would be nice, but not worth my happiness, my child's happiness.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Waiting plans

I messaged the ladies in my local SMC group about how long it take to get in to the fertility clinic, and apparently it can be 6 weeks. Or more. I really should have started this sooner! In any case, I can't "sit still" while I wait so I have a bit of a plan. Since I will be on holidays in one week (oh I can't wait!) I only have one more normal week before I can relax a bit. I've been good about my vitamins, and I will be eating more vegetables starting now, but my other plans will wait for vacation.

My first goal for my 6 weeks off work are to get an average of 8 hours of sleep a night. I use a fitbit and it tracks my sleep so this should be easy to tell. I hope to be in bed by 10 most nights and will get up at 6:30 (or 7) in order to do a 20 to 30 minute workout (second goal!).  Goal three is to get 10K steps a day at least 5 days a week on vacation, though since we may go for bike rides and the fitbit can't count those as steps it may not work out quite that way. And fourth goal, I will be giving up coffee. Gulp. Except that I may have an occasional iced coffee because they are so yummy!! I hope to give up the tea I normally use to replace the coffee, and drink herbal teas instead.

My hope is that in 6 weeks I can lose 10+ pounds. I will be doing a 30 day yoga boot camp, it's online so I should be able to stream it to the tv and hopefully it starts out easy enough to keep me going. I think the yoga, better sleep, no coffee and more vegetables will allow me to feel rested and healthier. I sometimes get very tired, and yet wired. I can't sleep well even when I'm exhausted. I read things about adrenal fatigue, which could be completely made up, but which makes me feel like I could do something about this.

All this should let me help my body, get good test results, and be in a good mental space to move forward. I hope this will also build some momentum to allow me to continue when work starts up again in September. Though in order to keep the 8 hours of sleep, I will have to go bed much earlier since I have to get up so much earlier.

I hope we don't take too long to get a good rhythm going in the summer, with swimming lessons the first two weeks, and our only real plans to hit up as many splash pads as possible. Lots of time at parks, going for walks, bike rides, and of course playing in the nice air conditioned comfort of home. We will probably head to my parent's place for at least a few days before the summer ends and school starts up again.

For my last week of work I need to take my lunch daily. I had bought some really nice salad dressing at a local store but for some reason between buying it and getting home I lost it! I'm so sad because it wasn't cheap and I won't go buy another bottle any time soon. I have my good old stand by but I was looking forward to this stuff. Oh well, perhaps it'll turn up somewhere. Or I'll let it go.

Thursday, July 21, 2016


I had booked an appointment with my family doctor for next Monday after work, to ask for the referral to the local fertility clinic. They called this morning to say that the doctor won't be in the office Monday so I have to move the appointment! I asked about today, and ended up going at lunch time. The asking for the referral was quick and easy, he said "I see you want to discuss your fertility, are you trying to get pregnant?" To which I replied "well I'm single so I kind of need that referral before I can try". Ok then. No problem! Now to wait and see how long it takes to get seen. I am hoping not too long as my period is about to start, and if I want to catch the next one for the Day 3 blood work it can't take that long to get in, right?? 

My doctor also asked if there was anything else, then went over all the stuff I said I'd do 3 years ago but didn't :-) like a pap test, and blood work, and a tetanus shot... so now I have to get all that done soon as well. I also asked about what I think is a hernia from my gallbladder removal, and he got me a requisition for an ultrasound. I booked that appointment already, and will do the rest when I get home. Well, the pap and tetanus any way. Blood work I just need to go in fasting, which I will do one day in August that kiddo goes to daycare. Since it's just "regular" blood work it will be testing for all the usual stuff like cholesterol and blood sugars, I am sure cholesterol will be high, and am praying the blood sugars are fine. I am considering doing low carb for a few weeks in preparation... but we'll see if I manage that! I know I need to take better care of myself in general, and am trying to do that, in small steps.

I was a little sad to see my weight, yet another good reason to do the low carb thing, but excited to hear the nurse say I'm half an inch taller than I thought. I suspect she was rounding?  Not sure! Any way. I know the fertility clinic will want me to try and lose weight, I am in the obese category. So I will be continuing to work on that. I know what to do, doing it is the hard part! I am going to get some extra vegetables on my way home from work today, and start with that. I know I need to give up coffee, but am planning to do that when I start my holidays, so one more week of the good stuff then I'll drop it, and switch to herbal teas and such.

I've been taking my CoQ10, and vitamins, just realized the vitamin I bought thinking it was a prenatal is not, so once it's gone I'll need a better one. I am taking another calcium/magnesium/zinc so that is covered, and a B-complex, so I am getting folic acid, but am sure I'm not getting enough iron and probably other things. I'll fix that once this bottle is gone, should only be a couple weeks. I suppose I could check the expiry date and if it's long enough I could put those away and get some prenatals for now, use the regular ones up later. I am debating adding in Maca, which I have sitting on a shelf and have used in protein shakes for breakfast, but I don't really like the taste of it. I also would like to add myo-inositol, but it's expensive! So that one has to wait for pay day. I think that covers everything though, for now any way!

Jackson has been doing well at daycare, he seems to be enjoying it more. And I am attempting to maintain my calm when he's tired and cranky. Just to remember that he is a kid. It is interesting, and I think I am doing well at times, then other times I feel like I've lost it. But I go back to how I felt in the middle of the night when he was almost 2 and he still wanted me to soothe him, it doesn't last! And it didn't last, and now some nights I miss those middle of the night rocking sessions with my baby. They do grow up so fast. I'm sure soon enough he won't want me to put him to bed at night and will want to do it on his own.

Sunday, July 17, 2016


We had a good weekend. Yesterday was very busy, we did more in the day than we normally would, but it was fun. Today was not as busy, we hung out at home for the morning, which let me get the laundry done, then went for a hike at the conservation area, then off to the splash pad where Jackson took awhile to get over the cold water, and then ended up soaked. He had fun and decided when it was time to go, which is always a bonus, when leaving is his idea. I hope next weekend lives up to the same experience, though we have no plans yet. I'm sure we'll come up with something. We really have one more weekend until vacation starts, two weeks of work. I'm sure we'll make it! Lots of fun field trips at daycare which is a bonus.

Still debating on what type of home to look at. Every time I think I've decided I'll change my mind. Of course I still need to get my new contract and all the money that comes with it in order to really buy anything. And honestly the place we rent is fine. It's more space than we need of course, and the back yard needs some work (like getting the fence fixed which the landlord is getting lots of quotes to do). I could do more here, and I know we need to get rid of some "stuff" that has collected. It's 3 bedrooms, one of which we don't really use. My parents did stay with us when they had their dog but they now stay with my sister because I have 3 cats and they say they are allergic.

I guess the next few months will help decide if I need 3 bedrooms. Though I think even if I have another child they can share a room. Perhaps it will be awkward when Jackson gets older, but I can always look at moving up then, in 7 or 8 years? Perhaps. I did make an appointment with my family doctor to get a referral. That appointment is Monday the 25th. It was the first one at a late enough time I only need to miss 30 minutes of work and can make that up, or use some sick leave or something. I am not sure how long the referral will take.

My plan is to do up to 3 IUIs, medicated if necessary. But that will of course depend on the test results. I know that Ontario now has covered IVF, up to age 43 (I think) and it's a one shot deal. The clinic I will be going to has a waiting list for it, of course. I believe it's about 9 months from getting on the waiting list to getting to the starting stage. So it is perhaps an option. I'm just not sure if I want to go through that. But I guess I will see as I go along. I'm excited to (finally!) take the first step. I also hope to chat with some ladies with two (or more) at the next SMC get together in August. By then I will hopefully have had my first referral appointment and have gotten the blood work done.

I'm trying to keep up my yoga, and exercise, trying to eat well. That is often hard but I think I am making better choices. I am looking forward to my holidays though, to getting some extra sleep, to being able to relax a little bit. And also to cleaning, tossing stuff. Perhaps making this place a little more my own, even knowing I will hopefully be moving next summer.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Kiddo is home

Well vacation is over :-)  He's home! I did not get nearly as much done as I wanted to but his room is reorganized and I think it looks good. He is happy to be home. He looked like he was going to cry when he saw me at the restaurant. He gave me a hug. He talked non-stop on the way home from there, except when he was close to falling asleep. Thankfully he did not fall asleep so that was good. He came back with two boxes of treats. Big boxes filled with Froot Loops, nutri grain bars, kool aid, freezies... and some cheese and radishes for me. He is now eating one of those freezies which are not quite frozen any more. But I guess they still taste good!

He seems to be in a good mood, I guess his sleep stores are replenished. He said that Nanny taught him it is good to pick up one type of toys before bringing out anther, and then to clean them all up at the end of the day before bed. You know, things I've been nagging after for years! But now he's going to do it because "everyone" agrees it's a good idea. Uh huh. We'll see how it lasts but I guess I'll cross my fingers!

I have a lot of cleaning and decluttering to do, especially since the houses I am looking at buying are smaller than this place, with a lot less room for boxes of stuff. Stuff I'm not quite sure about any more. We shall have to clean up the basement, which is a big project! There is a lot of stuff down there, it's where things get put when they aren't quite ready for the garbage but we don't really want them any more. I think some of the stuff down there will have to go in the garbage even if it isn't really garbage, I'm just not sure I can face trying to sell it or donate it.

The one place I think I've settled on buying is small, it's only two bedrooms. So I'm not sure it's really the best option if I want to have another baby. And there is no yard, but there is a balcony at least. I am terrible at yard work, I hate mowing the lawn, or gardening. I get big ideas but they fail to happen when I get overwhelmed by the actual steps. So I don't really want a yard, and if we are close to even a small park I think that would be enough. We barely use the yard we have here. Even when he had a play structure back there, he hardly used it. So it seems like a waste of money, $50K more at least to get a small yard, plus put a fence in. Ugh. I am looking at homes that are below what I think I'll be able to afford. I want to keep my mortgage etc as low as possible, so if that means buying something smaller I will probably do that. But I'm still wondering about schools, do I keep him here (and spend more on a home) to stay in the same school and daycare, or buy something cheaper, with a new school and hope we get a good before/after school situation. It's hard!

I haven't made it to the doctor yet but will at least in August, I have the time off and can send him to daycare at least for awhile so I can go during the day. It's hard to get evening or weekend appointments. Hopefully I'll be able to get the referral done, get the referral appointment and go for the blood work, before I go back to work. And hopefully my union finally signs a contract instead of talking about it (for 4 years now). That back pay will pay for a lot... even after they take half for taxes!

I'm happy my kid is home. TV has not yet been turned on. He's playing some toys. He made an aircraft carrier at my parents from some wood and cardboard. It is now a dock at the beach for his jet ski and kayak. I love his imagination. And his talking, it's non-stop. Certainly adds some noise! Hopefully I will be able to sleep better tonight now that he is home.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

July colds

Kiddo is still at my parent's place. He isn't feeling very well, apparently he has quite the runny nose and wasn't eating much yesterday. They were supposed to go camping but once at the camp site he complained of feeling sick so they came home. I think it was probably a good thing as the weather was quite hot and humid where they were camping, and I doubt any sleep would have been had. My mom asked me what he likes when he is sick, and she is taking good care of him, of course! I mean she took good care of me when I was little and sick. I know he's fine, but of course I'm mama! I can't really go get him though, I'd have to miss some work and it's quite busy, and I know he's fine so there isn't really a reason to. Plus driving that far when sick is not likely very much fun. He seems to be doing better today, I'll get another update once he's asleep I'm sure!

Facebook has this feature that shows you what you posted on this day in previous years, apparently Jackson is sick quite often at this time of year! Weird right? It is pretty cool to see these things though. I notice a few trends in his illnesses, which for some reason I post about a lot.

I have not been doing as much as I had planned in terms of cleaning and organizing. I seem to be really good at procrastinating. Really good. I am hoping to get most of it done before he comes home, but realistically, I am not good at this. I want to rearrange his bedroom, and will do that on Saturday. I've got some books moved to the basement, and the old play doh is gone, but the rest of the toys... I don't really even know where to start! He has so many toys. I think I need help, but not sure how to do that either. I'm sure I'll get some of it done. I wish I had a full day off to work on it, evenings I am just tired from work and want to do nothing.

Speaking of work, I am replacing my director's executive assistance and it is a lot of fun. I really enjoy being involved in so much that is going on. There are some things I'm not as keen on, but overall this type of thing is great. Of course it helps that my director is pretty awesome, he knows his stuff and is on top of things, plus he's friendly, and he seems to enjoy his job. I do not think I ever want to be at that level though, he works a lot, I get emails on weekends, in the evening, he's obviously busy and I like to leave work at work.

I haven't been able to get to the doctor this week either! So now it will probably have to wait until August, when I am off, and can go when Jackson is at daycare. I'll make sure he spends some time there, he wants to go on the field trips any way. I guess it gives me more time to take my supplements, and keep up with the yoga (which I haven't done at all this week!). I haven't been sleeping well this week either, not sure if that is because kiddo is not here or what. I think I need new pillows or something. I had hoped to catch up on sleep a bit, but I guess not! Perhaps this weekend, since I won't go get him until Sunday.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Long summer weekend

Wednesday was Jackson's last day of Grade 1. He was a bear that morning so I didn't get a last day of school picture, and it was a rough start to the day. It ended better than it began so that was nice. I took Thursday off so we could go down to my parent's for the long weekend. He stayed up late to watch the fire works, which he wasn't impressed by (too loud) and then was very grumpy Friday from not getting enough sleep.

Friday he watched the parade, and we got some ice cream. Then he played outside a lot, and was a bit over tired. It was a nice day though, and he was in bed and asleep early.  Yesterday we went to get him a sleeping bag for his big camping trip with my dad. We then went into town and had lunch, then went to Walmart. My parents bought me stuff (practical stuff, like dish washer soap and tissues). He was in a much better mood and played quite late outside. Had a bath and then was in bed and sleeping.

Today I came home! The cats are very happy to see me, Jackson was getting a little upset when I was leaving but I know he's fine. Apparently he hasn't stopped eating all day. He'd had two breakfasts before I left. I now have a week alone. I plan to clean up the toys, organize and store some. I'd also like to fix up the basement a bit so he can play down there some. Though he says he is too scared to play down there. We'll see I guess!

I plan to watch lots of netflix, and grown up tv (no cartoons!). I will also do some yoga, and hopefully a few good workouts as well. I wanted to go to the doctor to see about a referral, but I can't get an appointment after work so I'd need to take time off work, which I can't really do this week. But perhaps I can get to work early and leave early one day. I hate to wait until August for that step, then it will take that much longer to get to the testing.

One of the ladies in my local SMC group just had her second little boy. He first is 7, so around the same age Jackson would be. She fought long and hard for that second baby, something I'm not sure I'd do quite as much. I'm looking forward to the August get together, I think there will be a few mom's with more than one, and I plan to ask some questions! And hopefully by then I'll have some tests done and know where I stand.