Oh covid

 We had a great summer, lots of outdoor stuff, went to the local water park a number of times. Lots of being around people and in some crowded places. School started in September and he hasn't made it a full week yet, well maybe once or twice. He has trouble with sleep and often doesn't get enough. A few things have changed, when he stays home I tell him to pretend I am in the office. He is 12 and perfectly capable of making his own lunch etc. We have had to meet with the social worker at the school a couple times, but he finally got off the attendance issues list, and then... covid. Sigh. He stayed home Friday before Halloween and Halloween itself. Though he did go trick or treating. When he asked to stay home again Tuesday I made him take a test. Positive! Oh I felt a bit bad then, he had probably exposed all his friends, and of course was validly sick. So he stayed home the rest of the week. There was some strike stuff happening and the school was closed Friday, yesterday was supposed to be online but he didn't log in, and today he stayed home again. He is testing negative so can go. I tested positive on Saturday and am so tired. I can't even explain how exhausted I feel. I tried to work today, made it a couple hours and then lay down for a nap and was out for the count. I have been bad about cooking while I've been sick, ordered too many times. Thank goodness for some delivery stuff though, able to order from the drugstore, pet store, groceries, all of it. Made it much easier to deal with. I hope I am better tomorrow and able to work the whole day. It's really busy and I know they are missing me.

Jackson's school plans a big trip for grade 8, 3 days to Toronto to do all the stuff, the zoo, wonderland, CN tower, everything. I am sure it's not cheap, my parents paid the deposit for the trip, and hopefully it's not too much more. Then of course it will be a lot of extra money to take and spend there. He'll have fun, it'll be great. 

I am still hoping we will be able to go on our cruises in April but it becomes less and less likely. I am still hoping for a promotion. I made it into a pool but haven't heard anything since. I hope I get the higher level, I know I would be able to do it and be great at it. And I need a change. My new manager is great but there is so much happening and I have Ideas, things that need to be changes/updated/improved and that would be possible at the higher level. The extra money would be nice too. I have done a bit of acting for my manager when she's off, which is a nice little boost every so often. But a raise would be nicer. Hopefully the union negotiations will only take another few months so we may get back pay in 6 months? a year? hopefully less. 

I just want to feel like I can stay awake for more than a few hours at a time. It's funny because I have all the boosters except I got the regular one two weeks before they offered the bivalent and I had to wait until mid-November to get that one. Now we have to wait 3 months to get the next one. He was going in two weeks for his 4th dose. Oh well. I am glad that I have them, I hope it's helping me recover faster. He is much better and was hardly even really sick. More of a cold. Me? Ugh. I have had some digestion issues with it too, so then I wonder if it's just covid or something else. Who knows, all I know for sure is I feel terrible. Still. Saturday was the worst but even today I am still in rough shape. This is it, can't last forever. 

A Vacation

 We have been back a few weeks already but we went on a cruise at the end of May. It was nice, I enjoyed not having to cook or clean, but it feels like we didn't really go. I also feel we didn't take full advantage of the time on the ship. Jackson watched a lot of videos on his phone, and we spent more time in the cabin than we used to. Part of that was avoiding too many people, and part was something else I think. 

The trip was nice, we drove down the day before, drove to the port, and drove home the day we got off. It wasn't too bad of a drive, I didn't know there were so many hills in that area, and the bridges to cross the border were really big and tall. It was nice to drive and not have to worry about timing of flights, but the drive home was tiring for me. It helped when I found some music to listen to. It is too bad Florida is so far to drive, but there is no way I could do that much driving. 

The cruise itself was good, it was different than pre-Covid in some ways, the menu wasn't quite as varied, the service a little slower in some places. The ship itself was very big, and the cabin was nice. We had a view of the inside of the park instead of the ocean. It was nice but we did miss the ocean view. The waterslides were a bit slow, and Jackson didn't seem to want to enjoy them. I am not sure what happened, he didn't want to make friends at all. He wanted me to go on them with him, while I would have much rather sat on a chair and watched while he went. I was also surprised he didn't want to do the rock climbing or zipline on the ship. We played a lot of mini golf though. 

The view from our cabin

We had 3 port stops but only got off the ship in two. Coco Cay was a lot of fun. I spent a fortune and we went to the waterpark area. We spent the day on the waterslides, I did the tallest slide once, and kiddo did it many times. We also swam in the ocean but hadn't taken our snorkels off the ship. It was still fun, and we had a good time. But oh we got burnt! We reapplied sunscreen multiple times but still ended up quite red. 

Nassua was ok. We went to Blue Lagoon Island but it was changed from the morning to afternoon and while I had thought we would be able to leave when we wanted but that turned out to not be the case. We were ready to go back after a few hours, but we couldn't. So we found a quiet spot and relaxed, kiddo in a hammock and I sat on a lounge chair. The boat ride back was nice enough, the captain told us a lot of stories about the fancy houses we were passing. We ended up being late for dinner, didn't even have time to shower so we were salty and sandy. I would do something different in Nassau next time. 

Relaxing in the shade

The timing of the trip was interesting. In late April my manager told us he was leaving the team. He asked me to act for him for two weeks in early May and then the new manager would start. So she started and was there for a week before I left on vacation. It was a good timing for her to really have to learn everything. When I returned, she told me that my team had really sung my praises (which was nice to hear) and that I am an asset to the team. She has really been good for the team, she has picked up on a lot of things without anyone saying anything. I will stay in my job for the summer at least. I am in a process for a position a level up, I write a test Monday to get into that pool. I hope it will lead to a higher level job, the raise would be nice, especially with all the costs for things going up.

Jackson hasn't been back to school since March break. They keep trying but he keeps refusing. So I am not even sure what to do at this point. The school year is almost over. I wish he'd at least go get his locker stuff, it sucks that I'll need to buy new stuff and he'll need to memorize a new lock for next year. He says he will go next year, I hope that is accurate. I know he is anxious about it now, and avoiding it is terrible for him. I also know it's not a fight I can win. I hope the summer will be good for him, and that his friends will actually go OUTSIDE and do stuff. They are all online way too much. No one likes to do anything active. Hopefully that will change when the weather is nicer. At least he is still in contact with friends from school. 

I have been feeling off, physically, mentally. Even after the trip I still don't feel fully myself. I know I am older, and at my heaviest weight ever. I don't quite know what is off, perhaps not enough sleep, worry for Jackson, worry about money, just being overweight. I have been trying to walk, to keep my steps up. I just lack motivation, the dog helps a bit, forcing me to get out. He doesn't always make me go though, sometimes we just don't. I know I should, I know it feels good when I do, why don't I? I remember whenever I get into the good habit of being active, I feel better and wonder why I ever stopped. But then I stop again. It gets too hot, or I think I can skip just this one day, and then I'm back on the couch. Perhaps someday I will get it and stick with it. Right now, walking is one thing I can do. Since eating is an issue with prices rising so much, fruits/vegetables are going up and up in price, as is everything else. I'll manage, and we'll eat of course, just perhaps not as healthy as I'd like. And perhaps not as many snacks as kiddo would like. 

Easter Weekend

 I booked a few extra days off around Easter, so have 8 days off (including the weekend). It's lovely. But of course there is still an issue with Jackson going to school. He doesn't. And he won't do the math online that I suggested either. It's very frustrating. We will probably have to go to the school, again, to meet with the VP and guidance counsellor. We went once already and he agreed to attend half the day, but hasn't done that. The one day he agreed, he ended up changing his mind after worrying it over too much. The problem for me now is it is really just frustrating every morning to not know if he'll go or not. I'm tired of him expecting ordered lunches and time to play and watch videos all day. He is still going out with friends after school, or in the evening. Which is good. I am worried he'll be far behind next year and that will lead to another year like this. I'd have no issue with simply home schooling if he'd just do the math, 30 to 45 minutes a day, and perhaps some grammar a few times a week, and make his own lunch during the week when I am working. So we'll see what they say, hopefully he can get his shoes from his locker at least, and go from there. But I will be pushing the math program at home daily. 

We are going to my sister's for brunch on Sunday, apparently to eat outside. It will be about 9 C and I just think that's cold. So not sure how long we'll stay but I am looking forward to seeing family. And having breakfast. Hopefully by Mother's Day it will be nicer out. It will be nice to see everyone. I have seen my parents a couple times but no one else really. Now that winter is over we should be able to see them more. 

We will be travelling at the end of May, cruise out of New York. We are driving there, parent's will watch the dog, niece is watching the cats. I cannot wait to go. It's been 4 years since we cruised. Disney last fall was nice but short. Even though I have to drive, I think it will be a relaxing trip. And of course it means that he'll miss another week of school. 

I've bought myself some new clothes, swimsuits, a dress, as well as some clothes for kiddo for the trip. Mine will last more than one trip I'm sure, his, probably not. I would like to go back to Disney and also go to Universal either in August or December. But I think after the cruise, we'll want to do another cruise.

All the travel, will impact moving. I still waiver on whether to go or not. It's a lot. A big choice. He has 5 years of this school left (after this year). The nice, new places do not have a cap on how much they can raise the rent because apparently there was a rule change in 2018 I didn't pay attention to. Staying here, saves money, allows more travel. But has it's downsides. I hope the landlord will do something about the deck this summer, I know supplies are expensive but it's falling apart and a safety issue for sure. I'll need to remind him this year I guess. I already hired someone to do the lawn, assuming if we do move it won't be until fall so worth it to not have to do it myself this summer. I am doing some updating but mostly things that can go with us or aren't costing a lot. Like the front entry, I'm adding some hooks because the closet is a bit of a pain to use, and then I also plan to hang a bag in the closet for the basketballs so they are up off the floor. I have a shoe rack that I bought ages ago that needs to be put together and will be nice storage. 

We may do a garage sale this summer, we have a lot to sell, but it's so much work! There is some stuff I'd like to sell online, and a few things to just get rid of. I am happy with my new TV and stand but I think my hydro has gone up because of them. I might need to look into that, figure out how to lower the hydro the TV uses. I think it's in standby mode most of the time because it's a smart tv, always waiting for me to turn it on or something. Maybe it needs to be in quiet/mute mode?

For this summer, other than the week in May, I am asking for two weeks in July and 3 weeks in August. it's a lot but I do have the time, still be able to take off over Christmas, and in April 2023 when we have two weeks of cruises booked. I've been walking again, and will keep that up over the summer. I would like to get season passes to the waterpark but they don't seem to be offering them. Hopefully that will change, I'd really like to be able to go more than once or twice, and more than that is much better to get a season pass. Or maybe we will go to Florida. I'm not sure I can drive that far, it'd take us 3 days I think, I doubt I could drive more than 8 or 10 hours a day, New Jersey is 7 hours so we'll see after that I guess! But kiddo hate to fly. We could just do another cruise from New York, I do have one booked for August but we can't afford what I booked, not with having to pay it off now. So maybe look at something else that is cheaper. But Universal, oh I want to go there! And back to Disney, because that's home. I need a raise :-)

Actually I may get one, I am in a process for a higher level position, and so far that's a good thing. My manager has also mentioned possibilities of a higher level position where I am, depending on how things go. I am hopeful something will pan out for me. I know the union is also negotiating, so that will lead to some back pay and raise again someday. 

Overall, life is better now that the snow is gone, but I am still anxious for even warmer weather. And also for our trip. I cannot wait to get away. It is going to be so much fun, and I just hope that I am able to do everything I want to do on it. And that the drive isn't too bad. We will miss the cats, as always, but it will be nice to get away. Jackson wants to eat taco bell on the way there, and I think we'll go to Applebee's for dinner, they don't have that here. And iHop for breakfast before the cruise, they don't have that here either. The hotel does have a pool, but it being later in May I am not sure we'll be able to swim, it may be too cold. I am sure it will be a nice night, I'll get a good sleep before the cruise. We also plan to check out the Liberty State park to see the statue of liberty before the cruise, just from a distance, we won't be doing a tour or anything. It's the one thing Jackson really wanted to see. I believe we can also see the Manhattan skyline from there so I am excited to see that. 

Wow it's March!

 I can't believe it's March already. This year is flying by. So far it's going ok. Things are starting to open back up, so at least in terms of restrictions, things are getting better here. Jackson goes for his booster shot this Saturday, I wanted to get it as soon as possible so he is well protected as they remove restrictions. He won't have to wear a mask at recess, though he said he might still any way.

School. What a disaster, he's really only going because he has basketball tryouts going on this week, otherwise it is a struggle to get him there twice a week. I feel like this is such a wasted year. I wonder if we should have just stuck with homeschooling and been done with it. At least then I also wouldn't have to drive much in winter! I've been getting most things delivered and avoiding driving and being out as much as possible. I am really looking forward to spring though, and hopefully then going to stores again. Things are all frightfully expensive. Everything is going up so much! I'm trying to eat better, trying to do keto actually, but it can be expensive. I suppose that will help me cut back on how much I eat, as well as the carbs involved. 

Work is frustrating, I feel like I'm always being asked to do things without anyone understanding what's involved. It's getting a bit much, but I applied on a higher level process so if I get into that pool, hopefully it will lead to a promotion and then I guess I can't complain if they ask too much of me. That is the difference really. I'm not at a level where I should be the go to for other managers to ask questions. It is nice to be needed, but also too much at times. My team is growing, we are hiring more people to do the work and it's my job to set up who will do what, and ensure they are trained. 

We have a trip planned for May. I cannot wait. It's a cruise from Bayonne, we may drive. I currently have flights booked but may move those flights to something else, or who knows. We also have a cruise booked for August but I'm not sure if we'll do it or not. If we do, I may rebook it in a lower cabin to save some money. We'll see. Living through another winter here I would prefer to travel in winter and just stay home in summer, but you can't cruise to Bermuda in winter, and New York would be more fun in summer I think? Maybe any way. We could add a few days to the cruise in May in order to see New York some. Again, we'll see. 

I'd still like to move as well, but there are some good things about here, the cost for the biggest thing. And all the space. But oh I need to declutter and redo somethings. I want to get rid of some of the furniture, replace a few things, just update it to what I would actually like. I did buy a new TV stand with an electric fireplace in it, and a bigger smart TV that I am loving. It's even controlled by voice which is crazy. I'd like to get rid of my couch, keep the loveseat and a comfy chair, maybe add a new chair in the modern style I like. Also the table and chairs, it's a nice set but we never really use it. I could maybe sell it and we have a small white table that was used as a desk, buy a couple new chairs and voila! All the places we are looking at moving to have islands and I'd just prefer to eat there than also have a table and chairs. So it would make sense. I'm waiting for spring. Once the weather improves it will hopefully be easier to clean up a few things, donate them maybe. I don't really know at this point, the thought of it all gets overwhelming. At least some things are looking better. 

Although I have little choice in this any more, I am mostly ok with only have one child. Mostly but not completely. I have moments of grief, of regret, of wondering if it would still be possible. I can totally say I regret not moving forward when I was 41, regardless of what was going on. And that covid made travel so much harder so donor eggs became impossible for me too. I wish that right now I had two kids upstairs, or even sitting here with me. I wish that things were different. But I am also not sure I could do another round of elementary school. That place we horrible for him and me really. High school isn't proving to be that much better, but at least it's not as bad. And I have hope that it will improve when restrictions are lifted even more. I am 47 now. I know other women have had kids at this age or even older, but were they already menopausal? I haven't had a period since August 2019. There is no doubt my eggs are gone and my reproductive time is done. My son is 12, how much longer will he even be here with me? And then? I guess then I can do as I please, though what that will mean I have no idea.