Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Rough days

We had a nice long weekend at my parent's place. Jackson enjoyed staying up late, getting spoiled, spending time with my dad doing sporty things. I had an ok time, I'd prefer to be home really. It is nice to not have to cook and such things but it's not my house.

Sadly this was the last trip for poor Riley dog. He has been having some stomach issues, not eating as much as normal, throwing up sometimes, but I chalked it up to the cheaper food I was feeding him, and the "snacks" he stole from the cats and kiddo. He was fine at my parent's place, did his usual thing, but when we got home Monday he was not acting like himself. I thought perhaps he was car sick. I got a gravol in him, and he drank some water. Yesterday he was still not eating, and when I got home he had thrown up on the floor, again! The power went out right before I got Jackson from daycare so we went over to McDonalds for supper, got home around 6 and the power came back on. Riley was lying by the front door, and then in the kitchen. At bedtime I put Riley outside while I took Jackson up to bed. When I came down he was lying in the far corner of the yard, I called him over but he wouldn't come. I went over and picked him up because he couldn't seem to stand or walk. I brought him to the deck by the back door and grabbed my phone. I called my parents then my sister. I needed her to come and watch Jackson so I could get the dog to the vet, he was struggling on the deck. I called the vet right after hanging up with my sister, they closed in ten minutes so I knew we wouldn't make it. And as I was speaking to them Riley basically took his last breath. That was it. Crazy and so sad. I can't believe he just died like that. I didn't think he was that sick. I mean he's been like this before and been fine. But now he's gone. I had him cremated but did not want the ashes back.

The part that makes me feel bad, is really that I was planning to get rid of him this summer. I knew I needed to do that, and was procrastinating. As I tend to do. I feel very guilty, that he suffered in the end. That I am somehow relieved that he is gone. Jackson is a very practical kid. I told him this morning that I had sad news, that Riley had died and gone to heaven. He thought about it for a moment and then said it was sad but that there was good news too. We still have two cats, we won't have to have a dog trying to lick us, or poop in the yard, or steal our food. So he's ok about it. I told him Riley would be cremated (turned into dust and ashes) and spread over a field of flowers. This is very interesting to him. The place I had him taken to does a ceremony to spread the ashes in the summer, but I don't really want to go.

Friday, May 8, 2015

So like me.

I find it interesting that every so often my little boy is so much like I was a child, so much like his mother. I don't think it has to do with the way he is being raised but rather something innate, something inside of him. My mother gave me a bunch of photos of when I was a baby, and as a baby he looked exactly like me. Kind of scary. Now he has so many of my traits. It doesn't really make it any easier to understand him, or deal with him, or hold my temper when he drives me nuts, but it does make me smile sometimes.

Like me he is a scaredy cat. As a child I was the one who could not watch anything scary without having nightmares and not being able to sleep. Even up to recently I need to be tucked in with the blankets, for fear of something "under the bed". He is the same, he tucks himself all in to keep safe. I didn't teach him that, he came up with it on his own. He refuses to watch anything with a bad guy in it, even Disney movies. Though for some reason he really likes Big Hero 6, which is odd as I've never watched it. He saw it at a birthday party once. He refuses to watch Cars or even Planes, though he has seen that once in theatres. He will watch anything with dinosaurs in it, even scary documentaries where the adults end up eating their young! Crazy kid like that.

He is also a perfectionist. He doesn't like to try something if he isn't really good at it, right away. He won a big basket at a school raffle, I bought him 3 tickets and he chose which ones he wanted to try for. One was filled with candy and the other two were filled with outdoor toys, he won a toy one thank goodness!  It had a badminton set and a horse shoe game, among lots of bubbles, sidewalk chalk, skipping ropes and balls.  We tried out the badminton and horseshoe games. He of course has never played before and so wasn't the best. He got very upset that he couldn't "get a ringer" or hit the birdy. I think this is also why he doesn't want to try and learn to pedal his big boy bike. He loves his balance bike because he is good at it, the other one he gets upset with. I am the same way, I don't like to do new things. But as an adult I have forced myself to do so, and I hope that I am enough for him, telling him that he has time to learn and the important thing is to try and have fun. It's why in gymnastics he doesn't want to do somersaults, he isn't very good at it.

He hates when people are upset with him. He has been quite upset at school because his teachers "yell at him all the time".  I sent a note to them, and we spoke about it. He has been very difficult during any transitions. And while I understand he doesn't like to do something else when he is having fun, obviously he needs to do these changes. He will be in grade 1 in the fall, he needs to do what the class is doing. Hopefully our discussion has helped and he is doing better. Again, I have the same trait which I work hard to overcome. I have even noticed that when we are rough housing, as you are supposed to do with children (tickle fights and such) if he hurts me by accident he is very upset that I am made at him, though I do explain that getting hurt is not a nice thing of course, when we apologize for an accident, we don't need to feel so badly. Obviously he knows not to hurt people on purpose, but to say sorry when it's an accident. Hopefully he will learn not to take things so much to heart.

He is growing up so fast, as kids tend to do. He likes sports, he likes to learn, and he likes to play. He is all boy, but cautious, taking care even at the park not to climb too high. He really wants to be able to read, but isn't quite there yet. He is very good at math, anything with numbers, and even learning french in school. I can't believe he's almost done with kindergarten.

His giant basket prize