Monday, April 30, 2012

A better day

Today was much better than the weekend, even though I had to go to work.  Jackson was in a much better mood.  He had a great day at daycare, and went to bed fabulously!  He probably didn't have quite enough to eat for dinner, but that's ok, I think he ate well at daycare.  He did lose a little bit of weight while he was sick, but I'm sure he'll get it back on soon enough. 

I got some interesting news at work, it seems I am going to get a promotion, probably short term, but even a few weeks of higher pay will be helpful in my house and baby 2 dreams.  I won't believe it til it happens though, my job has been quite influx lately, my team has been changing a lot which is stressful.  I would just like it to settle down and stay the same for a bit. 

Any way, now that Jackson is feeling better, things go back to normal, thankfully, and life is good. 

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Night of the Overtired Cranky Pants

Last night was a long night for me.  On a normal night, we go up to Jackson's bedroom around 7 (sometimes 7:30 on the weekend if he had a long nap or got up late from his nap) and get him into his jammies and clean diaper, read a story (bath night is only about 3 times a week) and then I put him in his bed, give him a bottle (yes he still gets them) and say good night, love you, I'll see you in the morning.  And he may play around a bit but within 30 minutes he's snoring away. 

Last night was not a typical night.  I think he was over tired though he had a good nap and a good night the night before, and he's been sleeping a lot being sick.  I'm not sure if it was perhaps because he's been sick and so tired, and he's tired of mommy and being home.  We did get out to some stores yesterday and for a walk in the afternoon but it was cold.  It may have been he didn't eat enough, I had to practically force him to eat a grilled cheese, and he didn't have much else.  It could have been a combination of everything, I don't know, but by 9:30, after me going up about 10 times and putting him back in his bed, telling him it's night time and time for sleeping, and taking him a second little bottle, he finally fell asleep.  Restless sleep with intermittent whimpering. 

At 10:30 I went up to bed, exhausted, and checked on him. I put his covers  up since it was cold last night, and he kicks them off.  Then I went to my room to get ready for bed.  He started crying.  Not the whimpering cry but full on "mommy mommy mommy come back" crying. So I went back.  And for the next hour we fought, and he cried, sobbed, and said he didn't want his bottle.  He wanted to go downstairs to play, he wanted up on his change table to get out of his pajamas, he threw himself around, kicked me in the head twice (he was in his toddler bed and I was sitting beside it on the floor).  I left his room a couple times because I was getting so upset I was ready to do anything just to make him sleep.  He was sooo tired, his little eyes were red and droopy, he was yawning as much as he was crying.  And thrashing.  He wanted me to "come back" and to "go away", he was just not himself at all. 

Finally, I just forced him to take the bottle, I knew it was the only way he'd fall asleep, I thought I could wait him out at first, that he'd exhaust himself and fall asleep, but I was beginning to realize that was not going to happen.  So I forced the bottle in his mouth, he kept saying no no but then he took it and less than 5 minutes later he was out.  Until 8 this morning.  Sigh. 

This morning he got up, I could hear him moving around his room but he wasn't calling me or fussing so I left him. Until he started trying the doorknob. I hadn't put a childpoof handle on it (yet) because he'd never been able to figure them out, but then as I was getting up and getting changed I heard him at my door, which is never closed all the way because the cats come and go.  So he managed to get the door open this morning.  He now has a childproof doorknob though.  I'm not sure hot long it'll take him to figure that out, but I didn't want to have to gate the top of the stairs, it's awkward with a metal railing I'm not sure I could attach anything to, and a bigger than normal opening. 

So that was my night, and this morning the crankiness carried over.  He had a few meltdowns for no real reason, I'm sure he is still tired.  I made him go up to lie down, just for a few minutes (he fell asleep so I'll leave him now) in hopes of just giving myself a little break.  But what a night! Those are the nights I wonder how I'd manage two.  How I can manage one! But I know it will pass, I mean he can't behave like this forever, right?  Please tell me I'm right!  And last night was one of those few nights I was very glad he falls asleep with a bottle, because without it we'd still be up there fighting it out I'm sure.  Or maybe he'd have some other trick I could use.  I hear vodka can knock kids out... I was sure tempted last night :-) 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Thoughts and ponderings

Having a sick kid, and being so sick myself on the weekend, has lead me to do a lot of thinking.  I had gotten a letter in the mail from my union about life insurance.  So I did some research on that, and figured out I should have a certain amount (because I don't own a home to be paid off), so then I figured out how much I get through work and they are about the same.  So for now I think I'm ok.  When I buy a house I will get more, whether through the union or some other method I don't know yet but will look more when the time comes.  Yes, I was sick enough that there were moments I was sure I was dying.  So I was worried about that. I do have a will and all that stuff.  At least that is in place. 

It also made me wonder about being pregnant, I was pretty sick with Jackson, like morning noon and night sickness, tired beyond anything.  I am hoping that would not be the case now, I am healthier than I was, and working very hard on getting even better at that.  It is proving hard but I am on my plan, and will get there.  I have lost 20 pounds already this year, and have about 30 to go to get to "healthy", well a few pounds into it any way.  I want to reach that goal before I get pregnant, in some slim hope it will help me feel better.  Who knows if that is really the case or not. 

I do know that I will be better prepared for a newborn, that I will know what to expect in some ways, the aching tiredness that comes with it, the lack of sleep and just getting through the days. I do also plan to do a few things differently, I will not worry about pleasing other people any more.  I have changed that already with Jackson.  He does not, at 28 months, sleep through the night most nights.  And I don't care.  I get up, I give him what he wants, he is happy, I am happy.  I will not let him cry. I know that I will do more baby carrying, I think I will have to, carrying the baby is the only way I'll be able to cope with a toddler/preschooler.  I know I will do baby led weaning again, with no purees this time.  And I know I will feed us all a more primal/paleo diet.  I will probably try breastfeeding again, but likely not at the hospital where I felt a real pressure about it all, and just decided to go with bottles because of the jaundice Jackson had. 

I am an attachment parent, for sure.  But I am my own version of it.  I read an except from Blossom's parenting book and I would like to read the whole thing, I think she thinks a lot like me, but more so. But my new budget, that I am sticking to, doesn't allow for it for a little bit. 

And for my budgeting, I am sticking to it.  Which sucks in some ways, I do like to shop!  But I know I cannot.  There are a couple things on my list that I will make a way to buy, one being a GOOD food processor.  I would like to get the kitchenaid one, but am waiting for it to show up on the shopping channel, since I can do easy pays which I love, and it will match my mixer and blender.  Do I need that one?  Probably not, but it is a good one and I do really need one. I'm also getting a bike, but will go cheap on that, if we do well at biking I can look at getting a better one in another year or two.  Those are my expenses.  I may get a frame for the mattress I bought for Jackson but am thinking it can go on the floor for awhile, not so far to fall :-) 

I've been looking at costs of getting pregnant again.  Going with a clinic and bank, I think it will be about $4000 for 3 tries.  And I think 3 is about what I can manage financially and emotionally.  I am curious to know how many OPK's I might use for that, and if I should try them out now, see if I'm right in my current guesses about when I'm ovulation.  I had a thermometer but with the diet I've been on I haven't been using it at all.  I need to restart that, and to get to my doctor to get a regular check up, referral and see if he'll send me for the "normal" tests.  None of that at least will cost me anything.  And it should get me an idea of whether I have the time to do this.  And to really decide if it is what I want to do. 

Still sick baby

Well kiddo still has the flu.  We've been home a few days now and he's sleeping a lot.  When I can convince him to sleep that is.  Sometimes he wakes up and wants to go downstairs (to watch Mighty Machines), and sometimes he just doesn't want to sleep any more.  He's been vomiting fairly often, but not massive amounts, he is drinking, juice and water mostly with occasional milk in a bottle.  He hasn't eaten a whole lot but has had toast, half an orange and some apple sauce. Problem now is I need to get to the store to get more bread for toast, juice and I thought maybe some gingerale.  He refuses to take any more medicine, I can't really blame him, every time I convince him to try it he throws up.  Poor little guy.

I'm sure it's "just" the flu, I had a stomach virus on Sunday that was horrible and now he has the same thing.  Because he is so little, and relatively new, with a new immune system, he isn't able to fight it off as well. He is doing really well though, even when I insist he goes back to bed.  I think it's harder on mommy to be honest.

Of course last night I got him to take some Advil at 8 pm (he slept from 11 to 6pm yesterday so was up a bit past his normal bedtime).  This of course broke the fever for a bit and left him feeling fine... and not wanting to sleep.  It was after 9 before he finally fell asleep.  But that's ok.  He wanted to get up at 4 this morning but I convinced him it was too early, and yes 6 was too early too... so at 8 he was up, and he sat in my chair watching his shows, then on my lap, then at 10 I took him back to bed.

Times like this I am very glad to have laundry here.  If I had to do that at a laundry mat or something I'd be in serious trouble, I've been doing many loads as he isn't very good about aiming for the bucket.  I don't mind too much, I guess you just deal with it?  Gross but has to be cleaned up and dealt with.

I am hoping he's better tomorrow but will probably keep him home then as well, I figure I want about 24 hours between the last episode of vomiting and going to daycare, and so far that would mean Friday morning.  I really wish the twin sized bed was here so I could lie down with him, the toddler bed is just too small!  Ah well, maybe it'll be delivered soon, while we're off sick. 

Monday, April 23, 2012

Being Sick

Yesterday was a bad day for me.  I had some kind of flu, I thought for sure I was dying or something, I had a pain in my upper abdomen (everything I read said that's a heart attack) and I couldn't keep anything down, or if I did, within an hour or two the pain started up again.  It was rough, and Jackson didn't like seeing mommy throw up, or the fact I wouldn't play with him like normal, he even asked to go to daycare!  So I called my sister in a moment of desperation and she came through, well her husband did any way, he came and got Jackson who went over to play with them, and his cousins, and had a great time while mommy slept.  I went to bed at 8, and stayed home today.  And got a call from the daycare that Jackson was throwing up.  Of course because I was asleep it took me over an hour to get that message at which point I rushed there to get him but feel horribly guilty about it.  He is upstairs in his bed asleep now, listening to the ocean on his white noise machine.  He's tired of the regular white noise and now chooses the "music" he wants. 

I had some toast this morning and have kept it down with no major pain so thought I'd be able to go to work tomorrow, but am guessing not at this point, looks like Jackson will likely still be sick tomorrow so we'll be home again. 

I guess it's a pretty good record, Jackson is 2 years and 4 months, this is the first time I've had to call someone to watch him because I was too sick.  That's good right?  Makes me wonder about having a second though.  I mean I plan on living quite a bit further from my sister at that point too (until I win the lottery lol) so I don't think I'd even have them to come running over to get him.   I guess I will need to get some closer friends or something.  Of course when he is older he will be a little more able to play on his own and such, but then the trade off is he won't nap at all.  Yesterday I was just hoping I could make it to his nap time, I couldn't. 

It also speaks to my need to have a better stocked medicine cabinet. Maybe if I had the right kind of pills I'd have been able to take something to feel better.  Of course gravol for the nausea I have but it makes me way too sleepy, I guess some pepto or something?  I don't know.  I'll have to check the pharmacy and see what I can stock up on.  His medicines are well stocked, though I have no pedialyte or anything like that, he won't drink it any way. Some gingerale or something?  But how long is that good for?  It's not like we are sick all the time.  I'll think of something I guess. 

Any way.  Being a single mom it's hard when you are sick.  I have survived migraines, and small bouts of illness, colds and flus, as long as it's during the week when he's in daycare and I can be off there's no problem.  Before I was done mat leave he was so young he napped twice a day, so again, lots of recovery time. Now is when it gets interesting, with weekends in there.  And of course when he's sick too it's that much more fun.  Oh well, I'll have another little nap this afternoon if I can, since I expect it will be a rotten night.  And I wonder if the chicken in the crockpot will go to waste?  I hope my baby is feeling better soon. 

Monday, April 9, 2012

Not long enough weekend

We're back home, thankfully.  While my home is not the best place ever, it is our home and we are happy here.  My cats were very happy to see us, and even the dog is happy to be home.  Jackson was glad to see his diggers again :-)  I am glad to be back to sleeping in my own bed, there is something about that, even though my parent's have a lovely place for me to sleep it's just not my bed.  The drive back was busy, lots of traffic which was annoying, but we made it in pretty good time.  He really doesn't sleep like he used to though, maybe an hour in the car.  Makes for an interesting night, since when he doesn't nap enough he tends to not sleep as well.  We'll see how tonight goes.

The long weekend is over, and even with Thursday off as well I am still not pleased to be going back to work, I wish I had take another day.  Oh well.  I have a good job, though I work for the government and with recent budget announcements who knows what that will mean, I am pretty sure I'll be ok, and am not going to worry about it any way.  The recent budget does mean that I will be getting a "severance" buyout with the next contract negotiations, which should mean about $10k (before taxes).  Because I can put it directly into my RRSP, there won't be any taxes taken off, and then I can use that as part of the home buyers plan (up to $25k) but it has to sit in the RRSP for 90 days, I figure that gives me time to find a place?  I have been putting some money into the RRSP as well, but my savings account is sparse.  Hopefully that will improve over the next few months!

I had set a goal for a certain amount of money, and a certain weight, before I can try for number 2.  So far I am half way to the weight goal and not even close to the money number.  I guess I can only focus on one things at a time lol.  I have somewhat changed my mind about where I'll end up living, I had thought that Barr haven was the place to be, but with my office moving to the east end it will be a long frustrating commute.  So I am looking in the Russ ell area instead, it is about 20 minutes from the new office.  It is a little more french than I might prefer, but will be good for the kiddo in the long run, and there are some good schools out there.  Also the homes are on nice big lots, and are lovely bungalows, high ranches, and in the price range I am pretty sure I'll be looking for.  So plan is in place, money is hopefully going to be there, and voila! 

Now to get him to sleep through the night...

I was watching Bones tonight, she had her baby on the show, adorable little girl, and at 6 weeks is back to work. I cannot imagine having to do that!  That makes me even more grateful I am in Canada and had a whole year. I am aware not everyone here is able to take the whole year, if you don't get a top up it would certainly be a struggle, but even that year didn't feel long enough to me.  Kids change so much in that first year, first two years, even now really.  It's like he goes to bed and wakes up a new little man!    I do love him so much. 

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Twas the Night Before Easter

We are enjoying a nice long weekend at my parent's place.  So far it's going pretty well, there have been a couple meltdowns, and of course my parent's keep trying to force him to eat all his dinner.  My philosophy on eating has, from the beginning, been that he should eat when he is hungry, what he wants (from what I offer) and until he is done.  There are times when he hardly eats anything, and other times when he eats a lot.  I don't stress too much over it but my parent's certainly do.  They also throw out threats "if you don't eat you have to go to bed".  I wish they wouldn't do that of course, but what can I do?  I trust that he knows I'm the one he needs to listen to, it does make me worry about him spending time here with them in the summer when he's older.  We'll see what happens then. 

Tomorrow morning there will be some hidden Easter eggs to find, I brought what I thought was a reasonable amount of eggs, and chocolates to fill them, but of course my parent's bought a bunch more.  There is going to be way too much junk around.  I do believe he'll have fun finding all the eggs though.  Except he has a bit of a problem seeing things, you can be pointing at something and he'll just not see it.  Kind of funny, I'm not sure if it's a male thing, or because he's 2. 

Any way.  We are having a pretty good visit, he is a lot of fun and is enjoying the time with Nanny and Poppy.  I do miss my own bed, and my own home, and my stuff.  I'm sure my cats miss me too.  It is a good long weekend, but it will be nice to get back to normal too. 

Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Big Boy Bed

Jackson moved to a big boy bed, toddler bed really, a couple weeks ago.  He is doing quite well with it.  There have been a few missed naps because playing is too much fun, but generally he is doing well.  He has fallen out twice, landing on piles of pillows, but is pretty good at staying in bed, and behaving.  Generally though I do have a great kid. 

I am in the process of finding a twin sized bed for him.  I've been debating a few different ones and think I have settled on one from Ikea, it's pretty inexpensive, and low.  I abuy a house in the next year or so I don't know what size room he'll have then, but right now a twin would be about the biggest I can do in his little room, otherwise I'll have to figure something else out for when my parent's come to visit.  I believe he will quite enjoy the bigger bed, and I can then lie down with him if needed, to read stories or whatever.  He doesn't usually need me like that, I've had to rub his head or back a couple times in the new toddler bed (his crib converted), but he is an independent sort and will tell me to go away when he's had enough.  He also does that when his temper is showing, if I'm telling him to get out of the kitchen or not touch the hot oven, something he doesn't like me saying, he'll tell me to go away. 

My little boy is growing up, and such a light in my life.  Knock wood but we haven't experienced too much of the terrible twos, we have moments but it's usually when he's too tired or hungry.  And he's easy to sort out.  He hasn't had too many tantrums lately, he had a few more when he first started at the new daycare in September, but he was testing his boundaries and is much better now.  He does still have separation issues when I drop him off at daycare, he doesn't want me to leave, but almost as soon as I leave he is fine.  I know part of it is an act for my benefit, to see if he can make me stay with him, and part of it is because he likes one of the teachers better than the others and if it's not her at drop off he gets upset.  He is fine all day, and is doing quite well. 

He's learning to put on his own shoes, dress himself, working on the potty issues (he will not go on the potty at home but I'm patient for now), and learning a lot.  He is just very smart :-) He loves to sing, and learn new songs, he loves to dance and has a cute little booty shake he does to music he likes.  He loves his diggers, bulldozers, tractors, etc.  Obsessed with them really, we have more than a few Mighty machines DVD's, and he loves them all.  Garbage trucks and snowplows are two of his favourites.  He knows what all the different machines are, it's quite funny. 

He is really happy to be in his new bed, and to be a big boy. It makes me a little sad that he's so grown up, growing up so fast.  Time is just flying by, and I have moments when I think "just a three years ago I was getting pregnant" and now I have this little person in my life that I wouldn't change for anything, but wow is my life different than it was then.  I still spend too much money, and tend to be home a lot, but I am happy, and I wasn't really 3 years ago.  Life changes quickly, and I like where it is right now.  But I still want another baby, and still think that would make my family complete.  So we'll see how that goes.