Monday, December 29, 2014

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year

Our holidays were a little subdued this year, my parents didn't come to visit. We did go to my sister's place for dinner, but otherwise we were home for pretty much all the time. It was quiet but nice. Jackson of course got a lot of toys, and had a lot of fun opening gifts. He was quite excited about Santa coming, and left out 4 cookies. He was thrilled to see that Santa ate 3 of them and left one with a bite out of it. I guess Santa got full. We didn't have any milk in the house so we left some water, I think Santa probably appreciated the change. Jackson ate a lot of junk on Christmas day, candy, chocolate, chips. And then a lovely dinner at my sister's. He ate turkey and gravy, peas, mashed potatoes and hash brown casserole. That night, around 2:30, he threw up. He is such a big boy, he went to the bathroom on his own and threw up in the toilet. Twice. I put him back to bed after the first time with a little bit of water, and checked his temperature.  No fever. After the second time I gave him a gravol and he slept until almost 9 am! That is unheard of, and the only day over our time off that he slept so late. Every other day it was 6:30 or 7. He complained of a sore stomach off and on, but no other symptoms, and he seemed to be fine otherwise, though he ate little since he was worried he would be sick again.

Today he is at daycare, They are open over the holidays, though I think fewer kids get sent in. Since I have to pay for it any way I send him. I think he has fun, and it is a little break for us. I have some plans to do things like clean the house, get a hair cut, go for a massage. I may leave the house today, other than to get him there and back, but I'm not sure yet. We got Netflix, and I am liking it. I am also loving my Google Chromecast, which lets me watch Netflix on the tv from my computer. We watched a lot of Dinosaur Train yesterday, and I am watching some not good for kids movies today.

On Christmas Eve, I finally settled our trip plans! We are going on a cruise. We are going to travel south and I am crazy excited! We will be going to Nassau, San Juan, St Thomas and Grand Turk. I cannot wait to sit on some beaches, build sandcastles, swim, eat! Jackson is also very excited. I suspect the ship will be lacking in young children, but we will manage quite nicely. I think he will enjoy the kids club more that way any way, more attention, perhaps a couple friends. We arrive in Florida two days before the cruise, so we will hopefully stay in Disney and go to Animal Kingdom, though we still haven't booked that bit of it. It is going to be a somewhat lean trip, I won't be able to get many souvenirs, or fun extras, but it should still be a lot of fun, and hopefully the first of many. The cruise is paid in full, and the flights. Just the hotel bit at the part, and a few little things like transfers to the port and excursions to worry about. Either way, we will have fun, and it will be a great vacation. Only 32 days away.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Happy 5th Birthday

Five years ago today I was in the hospital with a little baby boy newly in my arms. He was then, and is now, so much the love of my life. I never imagined when I had him that a person could love someone so much. 

Today we went to celebrate his birthday at one of his favourite restaurants. I'm happy because kids eat free on their birthday so his yummy rib dinner was free, and he loved it.

After dinner we came home and skype'd nanny & poppy so they could sing, and Jackson opened his presents while we watched. He loves his new monster treads, a bunch of John Deere tractors. I also got him some new clothes, 3 pairs of pj's and a few tops, along with a new sweater. He is currently in the pair or pajamas with feet, he loves them :-) The other two pairs have dinosaurs on them which I am sure he will love as well. And it means his spiderman pj's can be either washed more often or at least not worn every night, and most of the weekend. He refuses to get dressed on the weekend unless we are leaving the house.

How is it possible that my little baby is so big and grown up now? 

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Bad luck and Birthday Party Excitement

Today was Jackson's 5th birthday party. I booked the same place I took him last year. He invited 7 little boys but only 6 came, it was still a lot of fun. And he got some nice gifts. I think everyone had a good time. It is funny that because he is in a split kindergarten class he is with kids much younger, and others a bit older than him. He turns 5 but had at least 3 of his friends who are just turned 4. At that age I guess it doesn't matter too much. The theme was dinosaurs, and my sister did a fabulous cake for the party.

Awesome dino cake!

The kids got to run and play, they were all red faced and tired by the end of the party. I think it was a great deal, perhaps we will be back again next year! The girl who did his party last year was there working and remembered us, which was nice. She didn't do his party though. 

The place has a play area, so you can bring your kid and let them play. It's a little costly for how long, and without a friend to go too it isn't as much fun. They do a "Kids night out" as well, which is really reasonable, $15 for 3 hours, drop the kids off at 6 pm, pick up at 9 pm and they play, have a snack and watch a movie. Jackson did it once but was very shy and quiet and it was hard to drop him off. He has now asked to go again though. So perhaps there are some nights out in my future! Or even nights in... drop him off and have 3 hours to myself, what would I do???

The bad luck bit is because of the morning. We went to get some groceries and a toy for the angel tree at school. Then stopped at the library to pick up a book I had on hold. Finally were going to pick up our passports from the post office but it didn't open until 11 and it was 10:30, so we started for home. Turning right onto a busy street, with a yield sign, light in my direction would have been red, and I stopped because a car was going kind of fast, I would have cut them off, or been hit, so I stopped. Well the lady behind me didn't so CRASH! I've had my car since the end of July. Seriously. It now has a big crack in the bumper, and I had the fun of dealing with all of that on birthday party day... I called my insurance as soon as we got home, because I was hit from behind I'm not at fault so won't have to pay the deductible. All in all it was really annoying though. Had to go way out to the police station and the lady police officer was rather rude at first, I was getting upset. She kept telling me I hadn't gotten enough information, but the 911 operator had taken it all down and I didn't have a pen or paper in the car. She eventually softened up a bit when I mentioned we'd been on the way to my son's birthday party. And then she found out the other lady had already been in to report it... so phew! Any way. Now to take the car in for an estimate (ugh) and then get it fixed, deal with a rental (thankfully covered!) and yeah... 

My neck, the back of my head hurts, is a bit sore. I've taken some ibuprofen, it seems to help but I think I'll go to the doctor on Monday just in case. We'll see if I feel better before then. I'm sure I'm fine, but I'd rather be safe than sorry! Jackson is fine, he swears nothing hurts, he is ok. He was in his booster seat, which I think I should replace? But I'm not sure. I mean the other lady's car wasn't even damaged, mine is fairly minor. No airbags were deployed or anything. I am waiting to talk to the insurance adjuster and see. Obviously if they cover the expense I will get him a new one. 

The irony of the car accident is we had one about 2 and a half years ago, a few months after I had gotten my car in 2012. We've had this car only a few months as well. I think perhaps I won't ever get a new car again! At least we are both ok, the car is drive-able, and it will all be sorted out. I'm getting to be a pro at this! I do wish people would notice that I'm there, and not moving, and you know, stop.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Loose Tooth!!

My baby has a loose tooth. It's the first one he got at 16 weeks. I remember when he got it. Now it's getting ready to fall out. My little boy is growing up! He is quite freaked out about it. I know he sort of understands, and we talked about how everyone loses their baby teeth and get new grown up teeth. I wasn't expecting it so early, I thought maybe when he's 6. He turns 5 in a few weeks but this seems early! I am reading that it's not, and that when kids get their teeth early, they lose them early too. He has also been complaining about something sore in the back, which can apparently be the 6 year molars. Though it was also when he had his virus, so could have been that. Having read up on it I am a little more calm, I was calm in front of him but a little concerned too! I thought the top ones fall out first but I was wrong, so that's a good thing since it's the one on the bottom that wiggles. He complained it hurt, I had to ask him multiple times if someone hit him or he fell or something, he says no, though he did tell me some story about his friend punching him in the face. Which I'm pretty sure was just a story since it happened "a while ago or maybe yesterday". Either way, I have to get tooth fairy ready! Oh my.

Otherwise he is feeling much better after the virus, and eating like normal, though I guess he'll be wanting softer foods for a bit now. We have his birthday party planned, my sister will make the dinosaur cake again. And we've sent the invitations home already. Early I know but I wanted people to have time to plan since it's so close to Christmas. I just hope that people will RSVP even if they are not coming, so we can perhaps invite someone else. The party is at a gym tale, and is for 8 children including the birthday boy, so we sent 7 invites, I had to talk him into all boys. I find it strange that boys will invite girls to their parties but girls never invite the boys! So I put my foot down, and told him to pick boys. Mean? Perhaps. And my boy does have a lot of girlfriends. Occasionally he says one is his girlfriend and he is going to marry her. Then they get in a fight and he decides that marrying me is a better idea. I'm sure he'll grow out of that though! I have tried to explain but he gets upset so I leave it for now :-)

Tomorrow is my last day at my current job, I am returning to my old team, but a new workflow. So I will be doing reports and stats, it should be more my speed. I hope. We'll see how long it lasts I guess. At least I have the opportunity to try new positions to find what works for me, what I am happy doing. I have not been happy, been stressed. I am working on those things. I am trying to cut out coffee (that's hard!) and so far am down to half a cup a day instead of two cups. I am sure I'll be at none by the weekend, then to cut the tea every so often. I am also going to bed earlier. Aiming for before 9 because 10 wasn't working for me. I still wake up tired, and wish I could sleep for days, but I hope it gets better soon. Sugar is the other thing to go, I'm working on that but it's hard! Sugar is in everything, and it's so yummy :-)  I will get there, hopefully sooner than later. Perhaps the holidays are not the best time to start?

And speaking of holidays, we are working on a list for Santa. Jackson would like a BIG train set. He currently has a figure 8 wooden set, which is great but doesn't offer many extras. So I plan to get him some add ons for it. I have debated a table and may still get him one. It would be nice for him to play at, but it's expensive and I didn't want to spend that much this year. He also wants a garbage truck and log truck, the ones he picked are about $60 each, so that isn't happening. My parents will find something along those lines for him, and of course there will be stocking stuffers, a board game of some sort and a paid of PJ's to open Christmas Eve. For myself, I want something so I can watch Netflix if I choose to get it. Something to be able to connect wirelessly to the internet and stream. We'll see about that I guess!

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Poor sick kiddo

Life has been interesting lately. Things are going ok for the most part. I have been very unhappy in my job but that is at a point where it's changing. I was supposed to talk to my boss about it today but instead was at home taking kiddo to the doctor. He had a fever Tuesday night and yesterday we were home, he complained still this morning though his fever was gone. I tried to get him to go to school but he said he was too sick. Now we will be home tomorrow as well. He apparently has hand foot and mouth disease. Though he only has sores in his mouth. Which makes it very hard for him to eat or drink anything. He has had quite a bit of yogurt today, is obviously hungry but everything he tries makes him cry. Except yogurt. I even made him a milkshake but he said that hurt too. I'm at a loss, and sad for him. He missed his last swimming lesson tonight.  I will be missing 3 days of work and only have two days of family leave left to use. So I don't know how that will work, never heard back from my boss today. But what bothers me most is my poor kid who is so sick, and sore. I have been giving him tylenol and advil to help with the pain, but it's hard for him to even get those down. So what do I do! Poor kid.

He had a good Halloween, lots of candy, and lots of fun handing stuff out too. He was a dinosaur at school and for trick or treating. My niece took him around to get candy. He really enjoyed it, and was at a great age to do it, everything was enjoyable and fun. He really is at a good age for a lot of things. I can't wait for his birthday party. We have it booked at A Gym Tale again, he will have to choose 7 friends to invite. It is a fun party, and super easy for  me. Just have the kids show up, bring a cake. Easy. No clean up, and they even provide food.

The toy catalogs are coming out, and of course he wants everything in them. It's pretty funny really, of course he's not getting them all. I am going to have to get him to narrow it down to only two or three things that he wants. He really has too many toys as it is. And with our big Disney trip in the planning (and being paid for) stage, I don't want to spend too much on the holidays.

My plans for a Disney cruise have changed to a just Disney vacation. We'll be there for 9 night, at Animal Kingdom Lodge in a standard room. I have 6 days at the parks planned, with some fancy character meals in there, and two days off to do other things and relax. I have booked one meal for my birthday that I know he won't be happy about, but hopefully he'll get over it.

And when we get back I am thinking of getting a referral to the fertility clinic, just to see what my odds are. Since I'll have turned 40 I'm sure they won't be that great, but who knows. I am taking a few things that are supposed to help, and working on the weight/health thing. Not going well, that weight loss bit. I am hopeful that I will be able to do it though. If I could just focus and keep on track.

And now I'm going to go to bed, since I have kiddo all day tomorrow as well, I could stay up a bit later. But I'm tired, and it's going to be a long long weekend. Without a lot of the stuff I wanted to do. Fingers crossed he's able to eat something.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Sleep and Monsters

Jackson has never been the easiest to put to bed. I think he's somewhat like me, his mind just keeps going and going so he has a hard time calming down and falling asleep. Lately he's been getting worse again, now it's monsters in his room. I don't know where he got the idea from, he hasn't really ever watched anything scary like that. He has also said that he is afraid a bad guy will come into the house and kill us all. Again, where does he come up with this stuff?

It's been a struggle to keep my own calm and hold my temper when all I want is for him to finally just go to bed. I tried telling him there is no such thing as monsters, which I'm given to understand is not helpful. I have gone on one "monster hunt". That worked for awhile. Then I gave him a special night light to scare the monsters away. That worked for a short time too. I know he has some stuff going on in his head that he needs to work out. I understand some of it because I have done the same thing. I get a thought stuck and cannot move past it until I either talk it out or write it down. He can't write yet.

I am going to find some kind of meditation or visualization for him to use at bedtime, not sure if it will help but I hope so. I know I need to do some of the same. I have been stressed lately, justified but still it makes my stomach hurt and my head sad. I have trouble getting a full night sleep, wake up more tired than when I started. And I know that it doesn't need to be this way.

So for now I will perhaps need to shuffle up our bedtime routine, start earlier, add in more talking during the day and evening. He needs to work through things. I suspect I need to turn off the TV. Which I should do any way, but it's hard and he likes it. I know some things we need to do more of, and some less. I do feel like I can barely take care of myself right now, how can I take care of him as well? I guess I need to just do it.

Saturday, September 27, 2014


I have always been an anxious person. I get worried and upset about just about everything. When I was in school I would be worried that I had failed, and end up with straight A's. In junior high I was miserable, I had a year where I was bullied, had no friends, basically felt worthless, hopeless and helpless. It was terrible, I wonder how I survived it. I did though, as I have every bout of depression I've since experienced. And I've had quite a few. I think I am in one now. It's not bad, well not as bad as I suppose it could be. It is annoying, and I don't like it. I don't like feeling this weight on me, this heaviness.  It makes me angry, and I have taken that anger out on my kid. Yelled at him when I don't want to, let little things bother me, said things I shouldn't say.

In the past I have taken medication to help, but hate the way it makes me feel. The last bad time I somehow managed to "talk" myself out of it. There is a book called "Feeling Good" I believe, I did some of that, and it worked.  That was just before I got pregnant, so it has been awhile. While I was pregnant that ob-gyn I saw kept trying to get me to go on anti depressants, worried I'd have postpartum depression I guess. It was one of many annoyances from her. After Jackson was born I was very happy. I had a rough first few weeks with my little guy who didn't want to sleep, but once I managed to get some sleep myself I felt better and we went along.

Going back to work was hard, every time he's changed daycares has been hard. Every time we have money problems it's been hard. Work is hard, so many changes, not always good ones. Every little thing adds to the pressure and worry. I've had a couple health issues, pet issues, nothing so terrible on its own, but just over all adding to the pressure.  And just now it's all a little much for me. I think I need a break, but of course there are no breaks from being a mom. Especially not a single mom.

In some ways I know what I need to do, I need to get back to my exercising, I need to eat better, I need to meditate or do some visualization. I need to be better in control of my own emotions. And it needs to be now, not in a week, but now. The problem of course is I am tired. The thought of doing something makes my head hurt. I can't afford to eat the way I'd like to, I can't afford not to though.

I sometimes get overwhelmed by all the things I want to be able to do, and wanting them now. Then realizing they may never happen at all, that time is ticking on and nothing really changed. It is hard to see the best things, the good things that I want. I feel disappointed, and like a failure. I want to buy a house someday, I still sometimes want another kid, or to travel lots, those two swap in my head every week :-)  I want to pay off all the debt, and not rack it up again. I want to be able to work part time or take summers off, or maybe both. Most of all I want to be a good mom, to be patient, and happy, to have fun with my kid, and to enjoy him.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

School and Routines

Jackson has been back to school for 3 weeks now. He is in senior kindergarten. The school has split classes, so JK/SK together. He does English in the morning and French in the afternoon. Luckily he has one teacher, the other two classes are split, with one teacher for English and one for French. The sad part is his best friends are not in his class, so he's making new friends. He seems to be doing well, I think he likes it better than when he had half days any way. No problems with drop off, a few issues at pick up when he doesn't want to leave. At least on Thursdays he is good. Thursday we have swimming lessons. So far he's had two lessons and has been very good when the class is over and it's time to go home. He is re-doing the salamander level, he is working on doing the floating and stuff on his own. He has 7 more classes and I am really hoping he passes! I don't think we'll do swimming again over winter though. We have our trip planned and I don't want him to end up missing lessons. Whatever level he gets to we will continue in spring/summer.

Our routines have been going along nicely. Though it's probably a little bit boring. I get up before him and have my breakfast and coffee before I get him up. I suppose I could get him up earlier so he has time for breakfast at home, but since it's so hard to get him to sleep at night, I hate that he'd be so tired in the morning. Our evenings are quiet, except for Thursday with swimming. Weekends are easy, we go to the library on Saturday morning, do our errands, including groceries, then Sunday is quiet day, we hang out, sometimes he doesn't get out of his pj's!  Whichever day has nice weather we try and go to the park or for a walk in the woods. I wish we lived closer to the park, it's quite a walk and I almost always end up having to carry him part of the way home, he is a big, heavy boy!

I think the hardest thing about school is lunches. I have a really hard time packing a lunch for my son. He doesn't like sandwiches, so what can I send? I have sent things in his thermos, cheese and crackers, that's pretty much it, that he will eat. I have to send snacks too, fruit, veggies, snacky things. It is really hard to be creative. I bought some books to help, but haven't actually used them yet. I am somewhat stuck in the food and menu department. My own diet is miserable, partly because money is very tight right now. I still have to pay for our trip, and while the flights are paid for the rest is not, and since we have to fly there, we need to have a place to stay! So I need to manage that better than I have been. All in all it is frustrating, and my own fault for everything of course. In general our spending is better, we have been spending less. The problem is I haven't saved more. We will manage, somehow, but it's making me stressed, which isn't helping my eating habits, or anything else for that matter.

I think we are doing well. Somedays I find it really hard, he is just too much. But most of the time it's all good and wonderful. I know we are a happy family. And there are only brief moments when I wish there was a baby in the picture as well.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Swimming lessons

When Jackson was a baby we did mommy & me swimming classes, we did three sessions. In the last one he got an ear infection, and after that I was reluctant to put him in any lessons. When kids turn 3 they can go into lessons without mommy. I waited until he turned 4, and then spring, to sign him up. He had 4 private lessons, to help get used to the water, and he really liked it and wanted to do more. It is really hard to get into classes here, you have to be online when registration opens in order to get the convenient times. I managed to get him in two 5 day sessions for the first level, one in July and one in August, I assumed he wouldn't pass since he is quite nervous and tries to pull his head out of the water when he's supposed to be floating. The classes were Monday to Friday at 5:30, so evenings were very rushed! He managed to pass the Sea Otter level, I was told because it is assisted floats. I think perhaps everyone passes unless they refuse to get in the water or something. It was nice to have all 5 classes in a row though, I think he learned well.

Of course it meant I had to change his second set of lessons to the Salamander level. Which moved it to 4:45!!  Crazy evenings, by the time we got home for dinner we were both starving and I still had to cook, so we got some fast food this week. And of course he had a few melt downs at the end of the classes.  Sadly he did not pass, so will be repeating in the fall. I have him signed up for the regular class, which is 9 weeks, one hour, again at 4:45, and 6 kids instead of 3. I hope he manages to pass! If not there is a 5 week session right after that he can do. I am hoping he passes and will be a Sun Fish for that session though. It will be tough with school but I think we can do it.

All this mad rush for swimming lessons is in part due to our big travel plans for my big 40th. I think with the Disney stay and the cruise, we will be swimming a lot! At least I hope so. At least he is a lot more comfortable in the water, and willing to jump in, with puddle jumper. We had a day at the beach and two chances to swim at the hotel pool in Toronto, he loved it. Once he got into letting go he was a champ, jumping in, trying to doggy paddle, and just move around. It was great, and I think it will mean a good vacation. Give him another year and we'll be snorkeling I'm sure!

One thing that would be nice, would be having a man to help him get changed and all of that. They do have family change rooms but they are super busy. He has to come into the ladies room with me, which he doesn't like. Someday he'll be old enough to handle it on his own, someday!

With his crazy antics after the lessons I've tried everything, threats, rewards, and then today on Facebook I saw an article linked from the Aha parenting ladies page. It talked about 4 ways to help kids with this type of thing, well other things too but this was one that I found helpful. So we now have a squeeze move.  When he's mad at me and wants to hit he now squeezes my arm instead, it doesn't hurt me but lets him get his aggression out. It worked well tonight, along with flipping him upside down, which sounds silly but was helpful, it just changed his perspective a bit, and made him want me to do that over and over again, so it was "after we get you to the change room, after you get dried off, after we get outside".  It helped. Making sure he has enough to eat as well, though I think a bigger snack is needed, just don't want him too full before we go.

He has been enjoying the swimming so much he wants to have a swimming party for his birthday. They have a package where the kids get to swim for an hour, 8 kids with 4 life guards, parents do not have to go swimming! Then an hour in a party room for the cake etc. My only concern is getting 8 kids changed after swimming, and getting my kid to leave the pool!  It sounds like fun any way. I'm just not sure if I want to do it, or stick with a Gym Tale like last year, that was a really good party and went well. And is about $30 cheaper.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Ah vacation

We are enjoying the last day at my parent's place today. We'll head home shortly after lunch, it's about a 3 hour drive and I just want to go home. It's been nice. We have done a few exciting things. We went to the beach one day and Jackson actually tried swimming, with his puddle jumper on, he did the doggy paddle and had a lot of fun. It started to rain so we didn't get much time to play in the sand, though he did roll down the dunes into the water, and generally have a lot of fun. The water got cold for him though and he was shivering by the end.

This trip has been a lot better in terms of his temper. He hasn't had as many blow ups, though yesterday was a little trying. He was very tired after our big city adventure. On Wednesday we took the train from Belleville into Toronto. Jackson was very excited to ride the train and watch out the window. Though he got a little bored by the end of the trip. Once in Toronto we walked to our hotel and were able to check in early. Jackson was pretty excited by the pretty hotel room and the comfy beds with so many pillows! We had views of the CN Tower, the lake and could watch the trains go by. He loved to watch the Go Trains.

After checking in we went off to Ripley's Aquarium. It was crazy busy, I had bought tickets so we were able to go in the shorter line but it was still very busy. Especially at the beginning where it was almost impossible to see the fish. I don't think either of us was all that impressed. We did enjoy the moving sidewalk through the shark exhibit, though Jackson didn't want to do it and was quite mad I made him. Not that there was much choice, it was kind of a one way trip around. I think we spent maybe an hour and a half there, got a stuffie shark, and then left to find some lunch. We ate in a little pub place. Then back to the hotel and to wander around the harbour front for awhile. It was really nice weather, we watched some boats and walked around a bit. I found a Timmies across from the hotel too.

Jackson was most excited to swim, so we went to the hotel pool. He had a lot of fun, jumping in, splashing around and doing the doggy paddle. Of course he didn't want to leave when it was time to go, but I took his puddle jumper off him. He didn't believe it would matter and jumped in. I went in after him but did let him have a moment of trying to get himself out of the water and actually swim. He wasn't in danger of course, just had a little scare, which didn't really scare him since we also went swimming the next morning before checking out and he was jumping in a lot.

It was our first trip together, with an overnight stay. He was a little homesick at bedtime, even though I was right there. I think it was good practice for our trip to Florida in January though. I know we will need to take a few toys for him to play with, as well as some kind of bath toy or he won't take a bath. I think we both enjoyed the change and it was fun.

Today we get to go back home, phew. It is nice to visit but I like to get home to the kitties and just be home in my own bed and everything. We'll leave after lunch I think, should be home before dinner. I will need to get some groceries at some point this evening, for dinner and the weekend and everything else. Back to it Monday, just two more days to relax.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Elsa and the cats

Elsa is doing well. She is getting along with the boys, but she is definitly rowdy. I have to confine her at night or I wouldn't get any sleep. Hopefully that's only for another week or so. Jackson is still in love with her, she is very playful and they have a lot of fun playing together. She did ok while we were gone for a week, my sister came to check on the cats all week. Apparently she was quite lonely, but I'm not so sure. She was happy to see us of course but she was very playful with the boys too. She annoys them sometimes but they do play back, and she still cuddles with them both as well.

Sleeping with Joshua

Sleeping with Snickers

We had a nice time at my parent's but heard a lot of "you're so mean!" and "you aren't my friend any more!". He was quite defiant whenever anyone told him to do something he didn't want to, or not do something he wanted to do. Like climbing all over my parent's furniture. He ate pretty well, we had ice cream a few times. Went to the beach once, went into town twice to do some shopping. Celebrated Canada Day by watching the parade then going to the park for the festivities. We stopped for ice cream cones on the way back then my dad took him to the dock to look at the boats and I got to go home. They also went fishing one afternoon, caught a bunch and threw them all back of course.

So far summer has been nice. Only really two weeks done I guess. Still 6 or 7 to go. We have another week scheduled for my parents. But I think we'll only go down for 5 days this time, I would love to do some stuff around here too. We have passes for the dinosaur museum to use, and we could go to a petting zoo or two. Lots of parks of course. We went to the park today and Jackson made a friend with a little 6-year-old boy who was there with his grandmother. They had a lot of fun playing for an hour or more. The grandmother was very nice, we chatted for the whole time. She told me about how when her son was little she contacted the local high school for a volunteer tutor and how the two bonded. It was an interesting idea. I would like to find some babysitters for him, she suggested I contact the high school as they may have some ideas. I'll have to investigate in the fall when school starts up again.

Daycare in the summer is more fun. They have activities for many days, and lots of fun stuff. Last week they went on the bus to a park. It was apparently a lot of fun, Jackson enjoyed it a lot. He and a few other boys went into the men's room where Jackson discovered urinals for the first time. The teacher said she went in to get the boys as they were taking a long time, and found Jackson sitting in one.  Between thinking "gross" and laughing, it was pretty funny. I have told my dad he has to take Jackson into a men's room next time we go down so he can figure it out.

Work is work. My boss has moved to a new position, we're now reporting directly to his boss until she can find someone to replace him. Kind of annoying, but understandable. Hopefully it's not too long before there is someone else. And at least I still have a good job. I can always try to find a new position if I want to, once things get settled.

Still planning our cruise and trip, I can't wait! We'll get our passport process started next week. I need to get our photos done then make sure my friend has hers so she can be our guarantor. I'm waiting for Disney to post pricing for January as well. We plan to stay on site for two nights, get in Friday, go to downtown disney for dinner and some shopping, then Saturday go to Animal Kingdom for the day. Sunday we get on the boat. I'm so excited I am planning more trips. But of course more trips means no baby number 2, which I think I am over but not 100% sure of. We'll see what happens I guess.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

A mistake?

We've had a bit of a rough weekend. Someone got up around 5:30 both mornings, much to mama's annoyance. Which led to a cranky mommy and a tired boy by the end of the day. Yesterday we went to look at a kitten. And then we brought her home. Which I'm not sure was a good idea now. Of course Jackson is quite smitten with her, and she is adorable, but I think she's just so young! There is no way she is already 8 weeks. And I'd have preferred her to be closer to 12. Why did I do it? No idea really. My two cats are not impressed, and the dog is obsessed. Little Elsa is currently spending all her time in the guest room, with the usual supplies of course, and many visits from both of us. But she is a very social little thing, wants to cuddle and follow us around. I hope it works out, but I am worried she'll have to go. And I'm not sure how to do that, whether to see if the rescue will take her back, find her a new home or what.

Jackson had a sore throat and runny nose yesterday, so we didn't spend much time outside. Today we were out in the back for a little while but not long, no trips to the park. He played with his toys, and didn't eat a whole lot. He did have a lot of freezies, Popsicle and ice cream. I hope he is feeling better tomorrow. Though I wouldn't mind missing a day or two of work. I think we would drive each other crazy being home again. And if he is well enough to want to be a the park, then he is well enough for daycare and school.

Work is a bit frustrating, my boss announced he is looking for a change. So we'll be getting a new manager. I have never had a manager move on before, usually I move before they do or the teams are shuffled somehow. But in this case he is looking to move and we are just going to deal with it. I like the man, he is great, though he is very disorganized, and seems constantly overwhelmed with his job. I think he's been doing this particular job for too long. Of course I am worried about who will replace him, always a risk.  I much prefer to choose the job and my manager than have it forced upon me. The work itself isn't bad, just need some direction, half the time I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction. I feel like that in my whole life sometimes. But then I remember my little boy, and I know it will be ok in the end. 

Friday, May 23, 2014

Play Time and Being Active

I was feeling bad that Jackson doesn't really have anyone but me to play with, and I'm not that much fun all the time. I mean sometimes I have to do things like the laundry, dishes, cooking. And sometimes, I admit, I'd rather just sit here and veg out. I signed him up for t-ball so he could get some activity, also swimming lessons for a few weeks. And today I bought him this thing for the backyard.

I put the darn thing together myself, it actually wasn't too hard, and he loves it. So we are happy. And the boy will be able to play out in the backyard with that and the sandbox. I hope to get a small pool for the summer but no real rush as the weather has not been at all hot enough. You can see the garden in the back which also needs to be planted still.  We'll work on that and the flower pots in the front this weekend. I am not sure if the play structure will last more than a year or two, but based on the ads I've seen I should be able to sell it for close to what I paid for it, which is awesome.

I am trying to be more active, with getting up to exercise, and just getting out for walks and such on the weekend. But I admit, I have a long way to go! And the boy is much more active than I am. He has so much energy. I am sure he will enjoy the climber all summer long. I need to get it put in a nice spot but it's easy enough to move around when I need to mow the lawn.

I have to say, getting this thing home and put together was one of those times I thought it would be nice to have a man around. But then I did it all myself, and am high fiving myself because I rock. I did it myself, it's all me! And I did it, I can do it, I can do all kinds of things, on my own.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Another Long Weekend

The weather is still a bit chilly, but seems to be warming up finally. We spent the long weekend down visiting my parents. It was nice, short and sweet. I hate the driving but we only do it a few times a year so it's worth it. Jackson loves his grandparents, and we have a good time. Jackson loves to play outside there, and enjoys going on walks with my dad. He gets a bit spoiled, always getting some kind of new toy. And of course enjoys the treats and things. I enjoy being able to sleep in, he goes to get my parents up. Though of course I hear him and don't really sleep after that but lazing in bed is fun too. He was pretty tired today, but didn't fall asleep in the car until we were almost home. He did fall asleep well tonight which is great, I hope I can as well, I may have a hard time falling asleep.

I have not lost any more weight, and am getting frustrated at the lack of progress. I will keep at the exercise, I actually am enjoying it. Tomorrow I will hopefully get up early enough to do a good workout. I also have my meals planned, so I hope I can stick to it and do well! I want to feel better and be able to keep up with the kiddo, especially with a cruise in the winter. I want to be able to wear a bathing suit and not feel like a sausage ;-)

I want to get Jackson some kind of slide play structure for the backyard. One is going on sale Friday that looks nice, and at $100 off I can pretty much afford. Hopefully I'll be able to fit it in my car, get it home, and put it together. I think it will make the summer better. A small pool will also be put back there. And that should be that.

The front yard will be getting some pots of flowers, we have the pots, I'll get the soil this week and then Saturday we'll get some flower to fill them up with. Jackson loves to pick out flowers. I will have to keep a tight reign on him, he tends to pick up and grab a lot of stuff. I am not going to spend a fortune on this! It's a few pots, some nice annuals, that's it. In purple I'm sure, that is his favourite colour after all!

I am once again in "I want a baby" feelings. I can't seem to shake the feelings, even though we can't afford it really, and I can't do anything about it. All in all it is frustrating. I wish I could just drop it and let it go. But I can't! I think about it most days, not all, I try not to think about it at all but I can't help it. I wish I could win the lottery, not a big one, just like $50k or something. More would be better of course but that would do wonderfully!  The only tickets I buy though are with work. So it will never really happen. Ah well, I'll continue to dream of it.

T-ball is going well, we've had one week so far. It was a lot of fun,chaotic and hilarious to watch. The kids do not have a clue what's going on and are out in the field daydreaming. They hit the ball and don't know what to do next. We practiced at my parents a bit but he'll still forget I think. I have to bring the snack, so bearpaws it is! I am not a baker or homemade snack maker. Bearpaws and apple juice, voila! Snack time.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Time Flies

Jackson and I have been doing well. I've managed to lose about 20 pounds since mid-January, turned 39, had a minor freak out over the fact I'll be turning 40 in a year. Hated how long winter lasted, and how cold spring has been so far! Started working out, at like 5 am! Which is actually fun and I look forward to. May is going to be a busy month for us, Jackson starts T-ball Tuesday, which will be very odd for us, we normally get home and that's it. Now we'll be rushing through dinner and then off to T-ball. He starts swimming lessons at the end of the month. I had to put him in private lessons as I forgot the day sign up opened so only private lessons were left, which will probably be better in the end run any way!  It's only 4 lessons but I hope it will be a good start for him, and I don't have to get into the pool :-)

I have booked us on a Disney Cruise! We will be going in February next year, and I will be turning 40 on a beach. I also plan to take us to Florida a couple days early and stay at Walt Disney World. We will probably go to Animal Kingdom for a day, it seems like a good start. I am thoroughly excited about the cruise. I went on one with my parents when I was 16, but this will be the first travel on my own. It is very exciting, and I hope it will be a new tradition for us. Though I may choose a different cruise line another time, especially given how much more Disney is, but I thought for the first one at least we'd choose something extra kid friendly.

Which may have some of you guessing I probably won't be attempting to go for 2 just yet. I want to, but I keep thinking it might not be a good idea. So I waiver on it, constantly. I am choosing to focus now on my health and weight. Perhaps as I go through that journey I will come to a final decision and move forward with it.

Jackson is still in school. I believe he's doing well but don't get a lot of feedback. I know he is making a lot of friends as he is getting invited to a lot of birthday parties. I have gotten a couple phone calls, he apparently has a bit of a temper, but he is also quite sensitive. He takes it very hard when he gets in trouble. And wow can he make up good excuses and stories. He has quite an imagination, which is awesome.

Spring is here, but was a slow start, and it's still so cold! Tomorrow is may and it was single digits today. Crazy. I hope summer arrives some day. We have gone to the park a couple times, and out for walks. I am waiting for it to be a little less muddy before we head to the nature trails. We have a new big sandbox which is a big hit. I wish we could get a play structure but we rent and I don't want to put something that costs so much. So we'll stick with the sandbox, and the scooter and bike for getting out. Of course the park too. Since I am already in better shape than last summer, walking to the park is not as hard as it once was. And Jackson is old enough to play on everything on his own now.

Summer will be pretty quiet, since I need to save some vacation days for the cruise, and money for that as well, we'll be taking a couple short weeks. Hopefully we'll go down to visit my parents. Though I do also plan on keeping a couple days for myself and sending Jackson to daycare. Mama does need a break on occasion.

Friday, January 24, 2014

What a week

Work is still going well. I like the new position a lot more than my last one. The boss is easy to deal with, straight forward and appreciative of the work I do. The other people on the team are nice. The work itself I find doable, a little slow right now but I expect that it will pick up soon. The other team member who is working directly with me is on vacation for just over a week, then shortly after that she is moving to a new area. She's been doing this work for 2 years so felt it was time to move on. In any case, I'll be busier and happy for it.

I have been following my eating plan, it has been hard to turn down things, like french fries and potatoes, chocolate, all of that. But I am doing it, so I'm happy. I am taking so many supplements sometimes it feels like I take more pills than food!  But they are all for different things and some are short term. So I'll keep it up I guess. I am taking quite the handful of pills and there is one more I want to add. I take a multi vitamin and folic acid, which will be changing to a prenatal when the multi is used up. I take vitamin D because it's winter, and omega 3 (fish oil)  with my coQ10 since they are supposed to work better together. I finally found some ubiquinol and will switch to that once I'm done the first bottle. I also added in vitamin B6 and l-arginine, both of which are supposed to help egg quality and also with morning sickness and possibly pre-eclampsia which I had last time. The one I am debating on is inositol, also supposed to help with egg quality.  Then of course there is royal jelly, which is a little expensive, but perhaps might be a good addition.  I am also trying to eat well of course, but everything that can help at this point is something to try! I haven't even gotten an appointment yet!

I have lost 7 pounds so far, which is a good start, but I still have a long way to go.  I am finding at times I have a lot more energy, and other times I have none. It is kind of strange. Right now, I wish it was bed time! But it's not even close. Other than yoga I'm not doing much energy just now, I am mainly focused on de-stressing. I will work on exercise when I am down a few more pounds and after I feel like my stress levels are more manageable.

Jackson is being himself, he is a lot of fun but also a handful at times. Tonight for example he wanted hot dogs for lunch, I made them, and then he decided he wanted a tuna melt instead! No I only make you one dinner kid. So now he's complaining he's hungry because he didn't eat his dinner. He wants popcorn. I'm tired, and don't feel like dealing with this melt down. Seven is bedtime but I know he won't go to sleep right away. It will be 8 or later before he finally falls asleep. Some times I'm tempted to start bedtime even earlier to see if it gets easier. Who knows.

I am hoping to plan a trip to Florida for November, depending on how things go with my attempts, my work contract (it's in negotiations which would mean a substantial amount of back pay for me) and with how I feel about it all. It would be nice, but at 4 it may be too early to take him. I'll know by May if we'll be going or not. It does sound exciting though, and I imagine it would be a lot of fun.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Toys toys toys

Jackson has a lot of toys. Pretty much everything he's ever really asked for, he gets. I know, not the best plan! So we've changed it now. He gets an allowance now, if he earns it. He has two chores to do. Everyday he has to make his bed and tidy his toys at the end of it. He then earns 50 cents, and if he does all 7 days he earns a bonus 50 cents, for a grand total of $4. Since he's 4 it makes sense to me. He also has some money from birthday and Christmas gifts.  Today we went to Walmart, first time in the new year. Normally this would be a big fight over toys. This time I told him in advance he would have to pay for any toys he wanted to get himself. He decided to bring $10, I told him that he might want to bring some money for the tax too, so we put it in my pocket (he didn't have any today).  At the store we went up and down a few aisle's in search of the perfect toy. Finally he settled on two sets of emergency vehicles. They were $5 each so he had exactly the right amount. And happiness was had, fun times playing with the new toys.

I am hoping it will help teach him some more about money. As well as about earning money. He doesn't have to buy his food, clothes or anything, just any new toys. He'll still get gifts at certain holidays, but he has more than enough toys for one (or two!) little boy. I am also trying to limit my own purchases, buying groceries is obviously needed but I don't need anything else myself. So I'm also cut off. For now at least.

Bed time is still a struggle for me. My son doesn't like to sleep. He claims when he is an adult he will stay up all night and never sleep. I laugh because I am an adult and I'd love to get more sleep :-) But of course he does eventually sleep. He likes to come downstairs at least once to snuggle on the couch while I watch something on TV. This has meant I can't start watching my normal shows until he's well asleep just in case he comes back downstairs. Bones can get a little graphic, as well as all the other shows I watch. I normally only have time to watch one I've pvr'd now. So it takes me a long time to get caught up on a week's worth of shows.  But it means I get to bed around 9 or 9:30 which is much easier to get up at 5. I have been trying to focus on me, on my own reactions and controlling them, in order to give him what he needs. I am still working on my own reactions, but it has only been a few weeks that I've even really been trying to focus on that, so I think I'm doing ok, always getting better.

I have so far lost 6 pounds, not too bad but a long way to go!  I think I've finally found my "groove" with a diet or way of eating though. It's hard, I came close to having some of his popcorn tonight, it was there, so easy to grab a bit. Just a habit to break I guess. I had some fabulous homemade kale chips instead. I am still taking all my supplements, started CoQ10 this week as well. I was going to wait on that but figured it wouldn't hurt to start sooner. I also added in vitamin D, I get winter blues, so I'm hoping it will help. Though what would really help is spring ;-)

Here I am on Saturday night, around 9pm and I would like to go to bed!  There is a movie on at 9 I want to see, but I'm taping it. The problem is finding 2 hours to watch. Sleep is such a priority for me lately. I am hoping as I lose weight and learn what I should eat to feel better, I will gain more energy. Jackson has two birthday parties to attend coming up. I am considering using a Kids Night Out as well. It's Friday nights from 6 to 9 pm for $15 which is less than I'd pay for a babysitter. I could drop him off, see a movie perhaps? Do something any way, and he'd run and play and watch a movie as well. The only restriction is the kids have to be potty trained. It's very tempting.

Sunday, January 12, 2014


I am exhausted. The weather was not so nice yesterday, freezing rain and super slippery, so we stayed in. Today we went out to get groceries. We bought a lot of healthy stuff, fruits, veggies, meat, very little else but some pea soup he's been insisting he wants for lunch (they used to have it at daycare so I bought some, if he actually eats it I will make some, it can't be that hard!).  In the hours we've been awake, my little boy has talked, no-stop.  It is exhausting to listen to!  I am an introvert, I like quiet and solitude. I love my kid, love being with him, but oh my, there are moments when I wish he would fall asleep or just learn to read a book himself, or something!

He isn't shy either, he talks to everyone. We ordered a pizza last night (yeah I know, so not on the diet!) and he told the delivery guy all about getting his hair cut. Seriously the guy just wanted to get paid and get out! Then today at the check out line, he told the cashier that we were buying only healthy things, so no candy. And that mommy likes things like onions and salad but he doesn't. He likes kiwis though, and strawberries. And he's going to have a smoothie when he gets home. And on and on.  The check out girl was a good sport, I find some of them are, they all get this little amused smile as he chatters on.  He does this quite often when we shop, he will also talk to other shoppers, or comment on their carts, the lady behind us in line had a colourful cart. Turns out she was also the mom of another daycare kid so he felt justified in talking to her.  He really is a character.

I am glad he has a big vocabulary, that he can express himself and that he has no apparent issues with his speech. But man, sometimes I long for silence!  Even right now, normally I'd have the TV on but I've turned it off, I'll go to bed soon but I just wanted to hear no talking for a little bit.  Silence.  Ah.

We have had a good week with back to work and school. I think I am going to enjoy my new job, so far it seems to be something I can do and will be good at once I get access to everything and am able to read over the files I'll be in charge of. There was some aggression from him at bedtime, so we've moved it up earlier. It takes an hour to get him into bed and asleep, without a bath. It involves a lot of talking and "one more snuggle". He sneaks back down stairs at least once to watch something of mine while we snuggle on the couch. This has caused me to be sure and have the TV on HGTV instead of Grimm or Lost Girl.  And yesterday I cut his hair. I need to find some ear plugs for kids for next time so he'll let me use the clippers again because they are "too loud" and he cries when I use them, but they are so much faster and easier than using the scissors!  He has a little buzz cut now.

I'm still doing my supplements, and trying to stick to my eating. Obviously I make some mistakes, but in general I think I'm good 80% of the time. It was hard last week because I had a cold as well, new job, cold, yuck. I was in bed early, and up early, but no exercise really. I will get the yoga going again tomorrow as the cold has gone and I have more energy. I have some CoQ10 on the way, it was supposed to arrive Friday but with the bad weather got delayed. Oh well. I ordered some more magnesium as well, because it does seem to be helping with my sleep, so I'll keep up that habit.  And I don't want to run out before the new stuff arrives. Also some vitamin D as I realized the stuff I was using actually expired over a year ago. I take it in winter as I tend to get SAD and it helps, obviously fresher stuff will help more. I think the only thing I haven't really gotten to try is royal jelly, and I'm not planning to as it is quite expensive. The CoQ isn't cheap of course, but it was on sale and I have enough for 2 1/2 months.

Eating healthy does seem to cost more than our "normal" diet. We'll manage of course and it will balance out a bit, the oranges I bought will last a couple weeks, I bought two kinds of meat on sale, to put some away for another week. So it will be ok I think.  I am of course a sale shopper and coupon user as well.

Now I think I'll head to bed. According to my chart I ovulated at day 16, and it is now day 26. Past few cycles 26 days was how long my cycle was. And I have been irritated today, so that is one PMS sign I'll be starting tomorrow. But my chart predicts a 14 day LP of course, I think it's wrong though. Interesting to watch and see. If my temp drops I'll know for sure. It wasn't down today. I am interested to see a few cycles with temps.  And then to figure out what it all means.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Book review: Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids

Right before the new year I ordered an SD card for my new tablet, because I ordered from amazon, I needed $25 to get free shipping. So I also ordered a book I've had on my wishlist for a little while. It's called Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr Laura Markham. She also has a website,, which also has a daily or weekly newsletter.  I got the book really quick, it came on Monday which is crazy since I ordered it on Sunday. But any way. I love the book. It totally speaks to the way I think I should parent, but of course haven't been because of what I've been told or what "everyone else" thinks I should do.  I will admit it, I am a yeller. I lose my crap all the time, just get to the point I can't take any more and yell.  I always feel horrible afterwards, and of course Jackson feels horrible too. So I have known I shouldn't be doing it, and have been trying to be better, to manage my own temper better. I've read other books, like 1,2,3 Magic, and Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. Both of which are good books, and the second I think has a similar philosophy to it as this one.  The difference is this amazing book gives me hope.  It doesn't have a 6 week plan for change or anything like that. It does give reasons for why, and talks about setting limits, as well as how to do certain things. I really love the book.  I also love the newsletter. I love getting hints and tips, and encouragement, daily.

The book is really about loving our kids, and how to show them that love. It talks about getting down to kid level to talk to them, about rough housing, having tickle fights, and how to be there even when they are melting down. How to show them love and connection even when they are trying your patience. I think my biggest issue will be myself, and I will have to keep reminding myself that it's not about me. I may be angry but I need to get myself past that to deal with whatever is happening, to manage my own emotions. Honestly, the first step of Regulating Yourself, will be the hardest for me. I think the Fostering Connection and even Coaching, Not Controlling, will be much easier for me. I am hoping that the yoga I started this week will be helpful (though right now all it does it show me how unflexible I am!). Taking that time for myself, to take care of me, will help, I hope! I know I will also have to remember to put the computer, phone, tablet and TV away, turn them off, and really focus on connecting with Jackson, playing his silly games, and doing what he wants.  I do that now of course, but sometimes it feels as an after thought, rather than the focus of the day.

I know I have made some mistakes along the way, and I now know that I can get back on track. I also know that all of these ideas will be helpful when I have a second baby, it gives ideas for dealing with two kids, and I think having read it, I will be able to really do what my instincts tell me. I remember when Jackson was a baby, he was not a good sleeper, and everyone would tell me to just let him cry, but that never felt right. So I fought myself, felt bad because I was going to him every time, but felt like I shouldn't be. I won't have to fight myself again.

All in all, this book has some great ideas, hints and tips, and explanations for what to do and how to do it. I love that it gives the science behind things, gives examples that explain and show why this works. I know that it won't be easy to change, and it will take some time for me to stop being a yeller, but I also love that it gives ideas and hints for how to do that. I think it really validates what I knew, but what I didn't think was ok to do. I highly recommend it to any parent, especially those looking to connect with their kids and enjoy peaceful and happy moments.