Last night Jackson woke up around midnight crying, so I of course went in to check on him. He felt a little warm, and I knew it was going to be bad news come morning! I was right, a minor fever and a runny nose. I asked him how he felt, he said he was sick so I called everyone to say he wouldn't be there, I wouldn't be at work. And voila! A day home with a little boy. We went out this morning to pick up some more juice and chicken noodle soup. His fever seemed to go away, but as the day went on it got worse. He complained I hurt him when I was moving him, which I think was really just fever aches. Of course he refused all medicine and just kept asking to go outside to play... umm no! So now he's in bed asleep already. Poor kiddo. He finally took some ibuprofen to help the fever, and hopefully help him sleep. I feel somewhat certain we'll be home again tomorrow, and if so I'll take him to the doctor to get checked out, though I'm pretty sure it's a cold/flu thing, you just never know!
We've been having some stress in the house. Issues with the dog, who bit a little girl. I say bit because that's all you can say to describe it but the girl walked into the house uninvited and the dog charged at her, she ignored the barking and growling, you know "oh a doggy!", so he snapped at her and nicked her nose. Well she had a scratch on it after about 10 minutes any way, I assume it was him. So he has been quarantined, and I've been struggling to deal with the what to do about him. We are seeing an amazing dog behaviourist on Sunday to have him evaluated and I'll go from there. But it's been stressful, and of course no walks means the dog is even more nuts than he usually is.
And money. I am having some serious money issues and I'm not sure why. I make a good salary, though I know my rent is higher than last year, and I guess that's it. It seems like I will never get ahead, no matter what I try. But all I want is to buy stuff, things, go on a trip, do stuff. It sucks. I know it will get better someday, it has to. Right now though, I wonder what I'll do for the next two weeks to make ends meet.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Sunday, October 6, 2013
He wants me
We had a relatively good week. There were some issues, one day he was hitting the other kids and saying "I'm the boss". But we talked about it and read again about the No Hit Hula, which seems to help, though I'm not there when he's in his mood at school or daycare so perhaps it doesn't really help. He was asking for Baby Bop one night at bed time. It took me until I went to bed almost 3 hours later to realize he was asking for baby belle cheese.
This weekend has been really nice. Saturday we went hiking in the woods, and saw a lot of wild life. We fed some ducks, and saw little red squirrels and chipmunks. It was really nice and enjoyable. He climbed a fallen tree, played on rocks and tree stumps. It was nice and fun, the weather was cool but good. We then spent time in the yard cleaning up the garden, and then out front where he rode his various bikes and drew pictures with some chalk on the driveway. We watched the new Jake and that was exciting, then it was bedtime and of course he had to talk quite a bit.
I have realized that what makes him happy is me. He wants me. To pay attention to him, to play with him, to entertain him, and to involve him. Friday he helped put the stew ingredients in the crock pot, and was so excited that he helped. This weekend he helped me do the laundry, putting things into the dryer, folding towels, and putting things into the washer. He also helped put his stuff away in the end. He really just wants to spend time with me.
I see it when I drop him off at daycare, he wants me there, he doesn't want me to leave, just wants to go back home with me and hang out. I know we can't do that everyday, but I do wish we could too. I know it will pass so I am trying to enjoy it. I think part of it right now is all the changes of the new school. He's looking to me for stability and security.
Funny thing he's been doing is pretending he has a baby sister. Today at the park he put her on the swing and was pushing her... it was a little strange but he has a very active imagination and is very creative. The daycare teachers have commented that he is very verbal, he talks a lot. Yeah I know that. I guess part of it is because I have always talked so much to him. Now I don't get the chance to since he is constantly talking! I know there is more to it of course but I am not a big talker normally, I am the quiet reserved type who really only talks when I have something to say. But I talked to him a lot while he was growing, even when he couldn't talk back. He didn't say much until around 16-18 months, then he started... and never stopped! He uses some words in strange ways but generally is really good.
We have been talking about lies and truth, and about "bad words" like hate. He has started saying things like "I hate you" and I don't like it, so we talk about how that is not a nice word and we don't use that here. He is learning, and soaking it all up. He is learning that lies are "telling stories" and that he should not be doing that. I am hoping the hate word goes away soon.
I wish I could stay home with my boy, at least not have him in daycare even if he's going to school. I have some guilt over it, that because I did this on my own I don't have the chance to stay home with him, to be there more for him. I ship him off to daycare, and if I had done better with money, with relationships, I wouldn't need to do that. It's fleeting, but the guilt is there. There is a lot of guilt over a lot of different things, I screwed up my credit so we can't buy a house, I screwed up savings and spend too much so we can't buy a house or have another baby, I screwed up the money so he'll be an only child forever because now I'm getting too old, I eat badly and am unhealthy so I can't have another baby. Lots of things I can change, but guilt bogs me down. Perhaps if I let go of the guilt and know I'm doing the best I can, perhaps then I can do even better.
This weekend has been really nice. Saturday we went hiking in the woods, and saw a lot of wild life. We fed some ducks, and saw little red squirrels and chipmunks. It was really nice and enjoyable. He climbed a fallen tree, played on rocks and tree stumps. It was nice and fun, the weather was cool but good. We then spent time in the yard cleaning up the garden, and then out front where he rode his various bikes and drew pictures with some chalk on the driveway. We watched the new Jake and that was exciting, then it was bedtime and of course he had to talk quite a bit.
I have realized that what makes him happy is me. He wants me. To pay attention to him, to play with him, to entertain him, and to involve him. Friday he helped put the stew ingredients in the crock pot, and was so excited that he helped. This weekend he helped me do the laundry, putting things into the dryer, folding towels, and putting things into the washer. He also helped put his stuff away in the end. He really just wants to spend time with me.
I see it when I drop him off at daycare, he wants me there, he doesn't want me to leave, just wants to go back home with me and hang out. I know we can't do that everyday, but I do wish we could too. I know it will pass so I am trying to enjoy it. I think part of it right now is all the changes of the new school. He's looking to me for stability and security.
Funny thing he's been doing is pretending he has a baby sister. Today at the park he put her on the swing and was pushing her... it was a little strange but he has a very active imagination and is very creative. The daycare teachers have commented that he is very verbal, he talks a lot. Yeah I know that. I guess part of it is because I have always talked so much to him. Now I don't get the chance to since he is constantly talking! I know there is more to it of course but I am not a big talker normally, I am the quiet reserved type who really only talks when I have something to say. But I talked to him a lot while he was growing, even when he couldn't talk back. He didn't say much until around 16-18 months, then he started... and never stopped! He uses some words in strange ways but generally is really good.
We have been talking about lies and truth, and about "bad words" like hate. He has started saying things like "I hate you" and I don't like it, so we talk about how that is not a nice word and we don't use that here. He is learning, and soaking it all up. He is learning that lies are "telling stories" and that he should not be doing that. I am hoping the hate word goes away soon.
I wish I could stay home with my boy, at least not have him in daycare even if he's going to school. I have some guilt over it, that because I did this on my own I don't have the chance to stay home with him, to be there more for him. I ship him off to daycare, and if I had done better with money, with relationships, I wouldn't need to do that. It's fleeting, but the guilt is there. There is a lot of guilt over a lot of different things, I screwed up my credit so we can't buy a house, I screwed up savings and spend too much so we can't buy a house or have another baby, I screwed up the money so he'll be an only child forever because now I'm getting too old, I eat badly and am unhealthy so I can't have another baby. Lots of things I can change, but guilt bogs me down. Perhaps if I let go of the guilt and know I'm doing the best I can, perhaps then I can do even better.
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