Back to School

 Jackson went back to school on Tuesday. He has one friend in his class, but a few other kids he knows as well. So far he seems to be enjoying it. But he doesn't eat much while he's there, he has a big "snack" when he gets home. Today that was two plates of leftover chicken fried rice. Then half a pizza for supper an hour later. So that will be fun. I am glad he is doing well so far. Math is his least favourite class, of course, and he loves gym. The gym teacher is his fav as well, and also teaches Science and History, so he has her twice a day every day. Other than homeroom, followed by Language, the rest of his classes are all mixed up. He has math, language and gym daily, then French, history, geography, science, religion/family life make up the rest, 6 classes a day, two then snack, two then lunch/recess, two then done! He is allowed to have his phone, and texts me between classes and at lunch. It's super cute and I love that he fills me in on what's going on. 

I have to admit, it has been really nice to have him gone during the day while I work. I do take him to school and pick him up, though he walked home today. It is good. I like having the house to myself, the first couple days I was off work and it was really nice. I miss "me time". Tonight he is off playing basketball with friends, probably done soon as it's getting dark. I will see how the weekend goes, he goes for his second covid shot on Saturday but otherwise we have no real plans, maybe laundry? I'm sure he will want to play basketball. Maybe go for a hike in the woods. It's still warm and the leaves haven't started to change yet. I'm sure that is coming soon enough.

Now that I am home alone all day, I want to have a nicer space for working. It's a bit of a mess, and while it doesn't really matter if there is no separate room since no one else is home, I'd just like it to be a little better. I will need to figure out the layout of the room, I don't want to move upstairs since I still want the guest room to be a cat room for Olaf over night. I will also need to fit in the cat wheel when it comes. And I have some things to get sold, but still need to sort out a couple things before I can sell them. I was waiting for school to start and see what's what. I should be able to take some time this weekend, and week, to work on that.

I do think the year away from the school system was good for him. And me. I know he will do ok this  year, and I will advocate for him whenever I need to. He is learning things, and making some friends. He looks forward to trying out for basketball in February, and I wonder if there will be any other teams he wants to try out for. I hope so, but not sure. 

KitKat and Olaf napping together

Vaccinated.

 Today I got my second dose of vaccine. Because this is Canada it took over 8 weeks, and is different from my first dose. But it's done. Two weeks and I'll be "safe". Not that kiddo will be, sadly Ontario is giving me a hard time about getting him done until his birthday. If we lived in a different province he'd already have his first dose. Frustrating. We'll figure something out eventually I guess, but I do feel like I need to start planning for a backup vacation in December, or how to cancel what's booked, or part of what's booked. Any way, we'll see how that goes.

We have a few things planned for summer, the local water park is open by reservation so I booked it for the first Saturday it's open. We also booked a day at Canada's Wonderland near Toronto, and hopefully we'll go to the zoo as well. So much driving that will bug me but we'll manage. It'll be nice to have a vacation of sorts. 

Friday was the last day of the school year. All his friends who stuck with the school got t-shirts, pictures and a diploma. I'm a little sad his name won't be on the wall, he won't have those memories, but I also think he did better this year than if he'd been in classes. He learned a lot. I am a little worried that he will have a hard time in Grade 7, and it won't last. I am also worried that they will try and make me go back to the office, and I don't want to, at all. I quite like working from home and hope I can manage to remain doing so. I'd like to go pick up my stuff from work, it's all still there, but other than an occasional meeting, I want to be at home. 

I still have a lot of sorting to do here, lots of cleaning and reorganizing, but I do feel like it's on track. I also still have an urge to move. But I have stronger urges to travel. It's a strange dilemma, which one do I focus on. At least the AC has been fixed, I did a few things to fix things up. But there is still work to do, and frustrating critters in the garage. The AC was broken during the heat wave, they came to fix it a week later, we survived, went to the beach a lot actually. And had a mattress in the living room for Jackson to sleep on, apparently I snore too loudly to be able to stay with him. 

Todays dose seems to have made me sleepy, so I think I will be going to bed early tonight, will need to put little Olaf to bed early. He is adorable, and plays well with the dog. The other cats aren't keen on him but I think they will be eventually. Or he'll stick with the dog. Either way, he's cute, playful and healthy. And he sleeps in the guest room because he is a pain when it's sleep time. 

Christmas Eve

 This year has been a bit much. Everything has just been a lot. I am trying to find some good moments in amongst all the stuff that's happened, and I admit there have been some good things. I love working from home, Jackson and I have gotten along better, the house is neat on the main level and Christmas promises to be lovely. We opened up Christmas PJ's to wear tomorrow while we open gifts, and hopefully they fit us :) The dog got a Christmas sweater, which he doesn't really like. Tomorrow, I hope the boy likes his presents. I'm not sure he will really love them all but I hope so! It will be quiet and just the two of us. We'll video chat my parents later to show off his gifts. 

Finn's Sweater

Yesterday we went to meet them half way, they had picked up some sausages and stuff for kiddo, including a new monitor to replace the one he broke. Hopefully this one will last. On the way there a light came on the dash of my car and it got stiff to turn. So that made for a great present. I got it towed to the dealership where they fixed it up. Mice/rats chewed a wire. Could have been worse, but still cost $500. I'm parked in the driveway until we kill all the mice/rats. Or move, whichever comes first. 

I still want to move. I want to go on cruises, go back to Disney. I want to have another child, or adopt, or something. All of those require money, which I have less of than I would like. And of course I am not getting any younger. And this entire year has been a right off... I wasted it and the time home. I could have done more, but I didn't. I have a few months to get ready, still in lock down. I will use it to my advantage.

I also need to contact our family doctor in the new year and get Jackson to talk to a therapist. He asked for medication, I'm not sure of that but I am at a point where perhaps it is necessary. I think I could also use a therapist so we'll see about that too. Different ones. 

Tomorrow is Christmas. I made Jackson promise not to get me up before 7 for presents. Today he got up at noon. He's been having trouble sleeping and tonight I am sure he'll get very little. He can have a nap after the gifts, unless he wants to play with them all or something. We will have sausages, hashbrowns, bacon and eggs for breakfast. Lots of coffee for me. And I got a porchetta for dinner, we'll have mashed potatoes with it, cauliflower and gravy of course. I'm not sure how to cook the roast but I'll figure it out tomorrow. There will be lots of candy and chocolate (for me) some hot chocolate and marshmallows. And lots of rain, so a green Christmas (no snow!).

Starting on the 26th I need to get in the basement and get cleaning! I may need some more bins, I have bought 6 but not sure it will be enough for the toys and stuff down there. I have 3 to 5 months before I hope to move so need to get things cleaned up and sorted down there asap. I guess since I'm parking in the driveway I can use the garage for some garbage storage. I don't want to move anything more than necessary. I'll take the tree down by the 31st probably. And hopefully it won't take too long to get the basement sorted out. 

Working from home

My office has all been working from home since mid-March. It's been interesting. The IT department has really done a great job getting it so everyone is able to be online and secure. We have some great tools to make it easier to keep in touch with people, and having meetings, video calls and such are going well. I have really been enjoying it. Especially once they gave better time frames, it was a few weeks, then months, and now we know to the end of June. Makes life much easier! 

Yesterday there was a town hall with the top people and one of them said that working from home would be something that could continue even after COVID is over. I was really happy to hear that, and hope to remain in positions that allow that to continue until I retire. If the second in charge of then entire Agency can say she'll never have to drive in a snowstorm again, I think that should apply to me as well. It means that we can live anywhere, honestly anywhere the Agency has an office I think. Not that I can see leaving here except to maybe going a bit further out eventually. It opens possibilities any way.

It also gives me options for schooling. Jackson is homeschooling this year but in September he can go back, or stay home if I can still work from home. It is a nice option to have as well. It means we can do trips whenever, and he's learning what he wants as well as what he should be. It does mean he doesn't get to play with his friends as often, but he is doing that online instead of in person, which is better for COVID any way. His sleep/wake up has been a mess but hopefully is getting back on track now. Even things like lunches are easier since there are things he won't eat at home versus at school. He is learning some cooking skills. And becoming a bit more self sufficient. 

Working from home means being with these guys all day. 

Finn

Kit Kat who is always cold and knows when the furnace comes on

Snickers in back and Elsa in front

Kittens and puppies

 I think I have always had a pet of some sort. As long as I can remember I have had a dog or a cat, usually a cat. At least one. I am more of a cat person but have also had dogs, currently have one and three cats. I sometimes think we have too many but then I actually want more. Just how I want more babies. It seems every time the urge to grow my family has hit I have gotten another pet. 

I have been watching an awful lot of Christmas romances, and romantic comedies. It is kind of funny because while I think the romance part is sweet, and of course so contrived, it is the ones with babies that make me happy. I watched a show where a 3 week old baby is left on a door step and oh my but my heart sang for that. I wonder if this will ever go away. I mean my body is done with it, at only 45 I am menopausal. Only 45? I don't feel like I am old. Though I do also feel like my body is old. I don't take very good care of myself I guess. My arm has been aching and my knees/hips often ache as well. I don't move enough, and certainly eat too much. Whether that is eating my feelings, boredom or what, who knows. 

Shortly after I had Jackson, I knew I wanted another one. But thought it shouldn't be done. A single mom having more babies? Who does that? Lots of mom's apparently. But I worried about money, and cost. Funny thing is it would have cost me a couple thousand, if that, to do an IUI or two or three. And now, here I am wanting it still, and knowing it will cost me much more. By the time I could afford it now, I'd probably be over the age limits for all the clinics. And what would my family say? Could I even still ask my sister to be a guardian when she is even older than I am? What would Jackson do? He's been an only child for a long time, and he likes all the attention. A baby would be hard, I'd be tired, they need a lot, they are expensive. But oh my heart aches. And I wish I had done something more at 41 when I went to the clinic. 

The thing is, if we hadn't done the trips we have gone on, I'd have had the money and more. Those trips were rather amazing though and we enjoyed them all so much. I want to do more! How could I do that with a baby? I'd not want to go on a cruise until that baby is 2 at least, and Disney would be hard. Jackson loves the coasters but babies can't go on them. It wouldn't be fair for him to have to be alone on them all. 

I considered adoption but that process is long and difficult, and I am just not sure I can do it. Or how Jackson would handle it. It could cost a lot less, even be free. As much as I didn't like being pregnant, or giving birth, I did love having a baby. Even though I have so many moments when I think I am terrible at being a mom, I know most mom's feel that way at times too. And honestly, Jackson is a lot but he is a good kid and doing so much better without the pressure and school stuff. 

So again, I'm cleaning up the house, getting rid of a lot of stuff and better organizing what remains. Also, trying to move more and eat better. I bought so many veggies and fruits. I can't decide between keto which I know works and makes me feel so good but is so hard to stick to, and weight watchers, which allows me to eat whatever I want but I hardly lose anything on, and is so easy to cheat with. As winter is descending on us, cooler weather rolling in, winter parking bans possible, and just wanting to not be a complete sloth, I have to pick one. And stop ordering so many meals. As yummy as they are. 

I have a hard time falling asleep. I wonder sometimes if my routine of sitting with kiddo while he fell asleep had an impact on my own sleep. I toss and turn for an hour or more every night, even when I stay up late to try and be more tired. Is that the menopause? Probably not entirely. Though I blame that for the fact I am hot at night so much. Maybe if I exercise more? Do yoga? Something? I had a month or two over summer where I was doing so well, and then it fell apart. Maybe that would help my sleep? 

Now, I just have to avoid getting another kitten. And stick to my plans. For once.  

Last Week of Summer

 Jackson is back to school next week on Wednesday. We have finally gotten more details, I know who his teachers are at least. I am not sure how many kids will be in his class, I am hoping it's not too many but based on the picture I saw of his classroom set up I am a bit worried. We will see. I am going to try and give it two full weeks before we change anything up. Hopefully it all goes well and he does great. His teacher is new to the school which is hopeful. She won't know him from the past so he should have a clean slate. 

We spent the past week very busy. Sunday he went fishing with a friend, he didn't catch anything, threw a couple fits, swears he will never fish again, and that was it. Monday we went over to Gatineau to swim since the beaches on the Ontario side are closed. It was cold but fun, we played with a ball in the water, he swam, it was fine. Tuesday we went on a boat tour of the Thousand Islands, he really enjoyed that, even though we didn't get to sit up on the top deck and had to wear masks the whole time. It was great weather. We went to dinner with a friend from work I haven't seen since March, it was nice, though got a bit chilly. The food wasn't great, but it was still nice. 

Wednesday we went to my parents and dropped the dog off for them to watch. I think they enjoyed having him as they are dog people and haven't had one for awhile. We stayed for dinner and it was a nice little break. Then the big day came. Thursday. We drove to Toronto to the zoo. Wow, I do not like driving on big roads like that! It was a bit stressful, but we made it and had a great time at the zoo. It was a lot of walking, so many hills! Jackson really enjoyed it and thanked me many times for taking him there. 

Jackson took a lot of photos, he did a really good job at them. We ate lunch before we arrived since we had a 12:45 time to check in. It was busier than I would have liked and many people did not seem to know how to follow the arrows or stay 6 feet apart, we wore masks for certain parts. But it was a lot of fun. We stayed at a hotel that night, mostly because it was a 4 hour drive and I didn't want to drive in the dark. That's why the dog stayed with my parents. We had a rough sleep at the hotel. Apparently I was snoring and woke him up, he couldn't get back to sleep and watched his phone for a few hours before finally turning it off to try and sleep more. At one point he cried because he missed the cat so much. I wasn't very helpful I'm afraid, I was worried because I knew if I didn't at least get a decent rest I would be terrible on the road and didn't want to get into an accident. He did finally listen and just lay down and try to sleep. Funny thing was I had a hard time falling asleep because he was snoring. I think it's allergy season.

Friday we drove back to my parents to get the dog. We stopped at the big apple on the 401 and then a bit later for lunch and to put gas in the car. All in all, it was a lot of driving over the week, I don't want to go anywhere for awhile and I much prefer the vacations we take where I don't have to dive at all! But my car is lovely and at least it was easy to drive. 

Now we have a few days to fill, today being a quiet one though he is in a mood again. Apparently the cat scratched him this morning and he's been holding a grudge all day long. I don't know how to help him deal with things like this, he just holds onto hurt feelings and anger until it bursts from him and gets directed at everyone and everything around him. It's the one thing I wish I could help him with. His self confidence and self esteem have been rough since grade 2 as well, so these are the things I want to help him with. I am just not sure how to do more than I am when he refuses to participate. I am really trying to notice every time he does anything "good" and praise him for it. I try and talk to him about being thankful for what we have and how I want to share experiences and travel with him more than things. Sometimes he gets it, and other times he just explodes. It has been better the past few weeks, his explosions are fewer, maybe one a day instead of multiple times, and I hope school doesn't derail those efforts. I wish we could find a better group of friends, kids who like the same things as him, shared interests. He sometimes takes up the interests of others because they go on about it. Then he regrets it. Another thing we are working on. 

Summer is pretty much over, school starts soon. I wonder what the fall and winter will hold. Will we be able to travel. Will we be able to move. Will we be healthy. 

Weekend boredom

It's Saturday. Jackson slept in, I slept in more. We've had breakfast. Now what? His days are mostly the same no matter what day of the week it is. He refuses to do school work or leave the house so he plays video games, watches Youtube, bounces around with his soft soccer ball. Eats snacks, and that's about it! In the evening we turn on Disney + and watch Clone Wars or whatever other Star Wars shows he wants. But my days are different. During the week I have to work, and so sit at the table with my laptop for 8 hours or more. Between providing snacks of course. I take the dog for walks, usually in the early afternoon for a work break, and after dinner. Except part of this week because it's been so cold and rainy.

Now it's the weekend. I can go watch something on TV, take the dog for an extra walk. I should be cleaning up the backyard and the leaves in the front, but our rake broke last fall and I didn't replace it. Now that purchase is a process, place the order, wait for the call to pick it up, sit in a line up of cars getting curbside delivery. I should do this of course, I do need the take after all, but life was so much easier when I could just go to the store and buy one! I'd have gone yesterday. Oh well. It's supposed to rain again tomorrow so I will wait a few more days.

I hate lawn care, I am scared of the lawn mower so I use a weed wacker type thing, and a push reel mower, but neither does the best job. I have been looking at electric mowers, like with a battery. There is one on air miles I could get, wouldn't have to pay for it! But then my air miles are all gone and I will have to start saving them again, which is harder now that things are slowed down. Not that I can go anywhere any ways. But I was hoping for that December trip to still be a thing, and might have used some for the hotel night before the cruise. Maybe.

Now Jackson also wants a switch, he is obsessed with that Animal Crossing game, I don't know why. Of course you can't get it for Xbox so he wants a switch. I am not wanting to spend $400 on that! I will consider saving up some optimum points, maybe in another month or two I can afford to use those to get it for half price or something, but honestly, it's more likely to be Christmas before I could. And do we need a second gaming machine? Honestly? I don't see why. He has a lap top now too after getting that back from my parents. I'm just not feeling it. So I will attempt to push him off and hopefully he will get over it and move on to something else. Two weeks ago it was a basketball net.

It's kind of funny, in my normal life, I don't do a lot on the weekend, get groceries, clean the house a bit, do laundry. But now that I can't do anything, I want to. I want to be able to take him swimming again, to go to the park and watch him play basketball with his friends. Walk the dog, ride my bike. Ok, maybe not ride the bike, I need a padded seat before I do that again :-) Now with nothing to do, I worry and stress and make plans that will probably never happen. I have already made a list of lunches and dinners for the next week, he gets to choose from the list so he can't complain or make a problem.

I'd like to diet, to exercise, to lose 50 lbs before life reopens (not a realistic goal of course) but when it comes down to follow through, I lose it, I can't do it. I get into a funk and fall apart, want to just have naps and read books and start at screens. I am aware of my own anxiety and depression tendencies, I recognize it when it comes over me. I know when I need to force myself to move and do things. I also know the things I need to say to myself, to talk myself back into living a bit.

This weekend will be another boring one I guess. I should trim the hair on the dog's ears, he keeps getting them in his food. The cats all need their nails cut. The weather today promises to be nice so I will walk the dog, though avoiding people while doing that can be a bit tricky. I will cook whatever meals the boy wants. He had thought we could do a pretend cruise day, one of his friends did it with Disney so Jackson thought a cruise day would be fun. But apparently now he doesn't think it's a good idea. We'll see if I can pull something like that off, maybe tomorrow when it's rainy and I won't want to go anywhere. If only I had been able to find the ice cream he likes at the store. And who knows, maybe later today I will cave and buy that rake so I can clean up the yard.

That time of year

Looking back over the past few years, it seems this is the time of year when I write about how much I wish I'd had another baby. And once again I am feeling it. Why didn't I do this when Jackson was two or three? Why didn't I do it at 41 when I started the process? Fear? Probably. Every step I run into fear. I get scared of the unknown, of how much work it would be, how much money it would cost. I feel like I sabotage any chance of moving forward. I choose vacations and travel over trying. Trips are easy to plan, trying for a baby is hard and full of unknowns. Full of possible disappointment. With Jackson it was easy, it was a decision but not, if it happened great but if not, it was ok.

And now I am 44. And Jackson is almost 10. We were talking about how things would be if he had a baby brother. He said he really wanted to have one. But he wants me to have a baby in December like his birthday, and NOW. And then he got upset he didn't already have a baby brother, not a baby sister. The past couple years have been difficult as we have been working through everything at school. The problems he has had, some other stuff too. The fact I still have to sit with him every night until he falls asleep. How would I manage that with a baby? I am just getting to a point where I stay up past 10, it leaves me exhausted a lot of the time, but I hate having to go to bed at the same time as him or shortly after, leaves me no time to myself. Which I do like. And a baby would impact that as well. It makes sense for us to stay as a family of two. But my heart aches. I have regrets. I feel I have made the wrong choices. Even though every trip has been amazing and fun and so worth it in the moment. The memories, some of the moments on the trips, those have been amazing.

I do feel I've made some poor choices along the way. Even now, I want to move to a newer place, still rent, but it'll cost me so much more, and the place is smaller, with no back yard, though I am terrible at yard work any way. Financially, should I? Probably not. But purchasing a home has gone way up and is out of reach. Homes have increased by $100K over the past few years. It is crazy, my salary hasn't gone up that much! And, as happens when I run into baby fever, I then put all that longing into getting a new pet, so when we move, I want to get another cat. Because 3 cats and a dog just isn't enough! Right? Ha!

The problem with having a baby is it's donor eggs and sperm, and the cost. Over $20K for one lot of eggs/sperm with one FET. Less than I've spent on all our trips combined, but way more than I have access to right now. And getting it? Will take at least a year, which puts me at 45 and makes it harder to do everything. So what do I do? Stick with letting it go, even though I can't (and should talk to someone I guess) or try, and work on my weight, keto diet?, and saving. Which means no trips. But I really want a trip. So am I deflecting my desires? Trying to push the regret away by focusing on a trip, moving, a kitten? And of course also trying to focus on connecting with Jackson, maintaining that and trying to work on it more.

I finally managed to get him a prescription for therapy, but can't convince him to go. I guess I need to get one for myself as well and actually follow through for myself.

As much as I wanted to attempt to adopt, the more I look into it, the more concerned I become. I have my hands full with Jackson's problems, it tries me as a parent. I am not sure I can handle another kid with issues like his, or worse, and that is a concern with adoption.

So here we are, the night before Halloween, and it's supposed to be a rainy one. October almost over, 2019 almost over. And I wish I had a bigger family, and regret my lost chances and the choices I have made. They were my choices, and I live with them.

The Big Disney Trip

We got home yesterday from our big Disney trip. We spent just over a week enjoying all the parks, and the hotel. It was a great trip. Jackson was crying at the end and wanted to know why we can't live there. Our pets were happy to get us back, and get home. All the cats slept with me last night, the puppy in his crate. Kiddo even slept in this morning! He was up late a lot, got less sleep than he really needs I think.

We stayed at the Yacht Club, got a great deal on the room. We had 7 day park hoppers and I got us fast passes for all the rides I knew we wanted to try. We also planned to go to one of the Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party, ended up at both that were on while we were there. I didn't have the dining plan and we only planned on 4 sit down meals. I planned to spend a certain amount on souvenirs, but of course went way over budget! Jackson loves his toys. At least he is so far playing with them. I had ordered some food for the room, including a case of water. We didn't need most of it and I left behind a bunch of water. It was hard to carry it around. Which was annoying at times, and heavy. We had the memory maker, and got a lot of photos.

I knew that Splash Mountain would be closing for refurb after our arrival day so I made a fast pass for it, and we headed to Magic Kingdom after trying to swim. Thunder storms in the area closed the pool, which left kiddo quite unhappy. We had an awesome time at MK, it was our favourite park, and I think we will try to stay closer to it next time. Jackson loved all the thrill rides. Big Thunder Mountain, Splash, 7 Dwarfs Mine Train. He even went on Space Mountain and loved it. We rode it 3 times, well I rode twice and he rode the third time alone. He has a better tolerance for those rides than I do!

Our second day was our first time at Hollywood Studios. We both agreed it's not the best park for us. There is construction going on that will add some rides we will enjoy. We met some characters, had breakfast, tried to stay for Fantasmic but rain made kiddo upset and we left before the show started. We actually had a great time swimming that day as well, spent close to 2 hours at the pool. Jackson went on the water slide many times, I went twice, it hurt my back but he had a lot of fun. Lines weren't long for it that time. We had breakfast at Hollywood and Vine, with Fantasmic tickets. Which were wasted. And kiddo hardly ate. So I don't think we will bother next time.

Our first Halloween party was awesome. Most rides were just walk on. Kiddo rode Barnstormer about 10 times in a row, I only did it a couple times then waited for him. This was the first fireworks we saw, and he said they weren't that bad so maybe we could see the others. Good to know. We enjoyed the party so much we decided to go to the next one. I wish the tickets weren't so expensive. The second party it rained so we didn't do as much. But it was when kiddo agreed to Space Mountain, which is something I have wanted to do since I went to the parks when I was 11. We had dinner at the Beast's castle, which I really enjoyed. Kiddo had steak and green beans, he enjoyed it. But it cost a lot for what we got, and the time it took. And the "scary" room we ate in.

Animal Kingdom is our favourite park. We really enjoy the rides, and the animals. We did a special tour where we got to see a lot of elephants. It was behind the scenes, and super cool. We were so close to the elephants! We got to hear a lot about them, and how they are cared for. They told us about all the animals. How the giraffes know when it's time to go in and start heading for the door. So they had to move their door further out into the park or no one would be able to see them! It was all very interesting.

Epcot was great as well. We went on Test Track and Soarin for the first time. Jackson loved Test Track so much we rode 4 times! We did it twice with fast passes and twice in the single rider lines. It's great that he is 7 and can ride alone. We barely saw the World Showcase. And didn't enjoy anything at the Food and Wine festival that started while we were there. But we still enjoyed the park.

Funny things, Jackson really liked It's a Small World and Spaceship Earth, two rides a lot of people don't care for. After Test Track he found Big Thunder Mountain slow. We enjoyed the new Pandora rides, but he didn't really like Flight of Passage because of all the story telling around it. He found that scary. I tried to eat kids meals for the most part but the choices were more limited so by the end I was eating adult meals. The buffets were not worth it for us, he just doesn't eat enough at those meals. Ordering food was not worth it either, I'm not sure we will do it again. If we can go bag free it might be better.

Now that this trip is done, we start planning the next! And I start a diet. I got a lot of pictures taken, and I hate them all. I need to do better.

School starts tomorrow. We have everything bought, I think. Will need to get a snow suit at some point sooner than later. Time to get the school bag ready for tomorrow.

Travel gets easier and easier with kiddo, he is an old pro now. We are looking forward to the next trip. I am hopefully starting a new position at work shortly, and it better not be a problem going on the December trip or any of the others! I guess we'll soon see.

Little Finn

After an adventure of a drive, thankfully two days after the snow storm! we managed to pick up little Finn. He is very cute, so far so good. Jackson adores him. They played out in the back for awhile, Jackson even shoveled a spot for him to run around and be able to do his business.

Puppy is currently have a short nap, we'll get him up to play again before Jackson goes to bed. Puppy will be sleeping in my room this week at least, in his crate. Hopefully he will sleep through the night soon and be able to sleep with Jackson.

The cats are not impressed so far, hopefully that will improve quickly. The cats do have lots of space they can get to to get away, and they will sleep in my bed.

Time change

So today was fun. It sucks when the time changes, either way  it goes. Today kiddo got up at 7 on his clock, which was 8 on mine, but of course that doesn't really matter. I knew that bedtime would be a disaster, and of course it was. He was wired but I left him just after 8 and I think he fell asleep. Now I'm sitting here thinking I should be in bed but I'm not tired. Or I am. Not sure. Tomorrow morning will be the challenge of course. And it's March Break, so no school for kiddo, just daycare! But I still have to work, and I have a lot to do as work is having some issues and we are in the middle of it. I need to get it together and get to bed. At least kiddo's lunch is ready for tomorrow. Mine is not, and it should be. I have been buying my lunch way too often lately. Money I can't afford to spend. Ugh.

Friday we get out puppy, I can't wait! He is so cute and I hope it goes well. I am rather nervous about having a puppy in the house. I know some of Jackson's toys are going to get chewed. I trust the cats will get along ok. They will have escape routes and their nails are clipped so no one will get hurt. We have been watching shows about puppies and how to take care of them. I hope that Jackson doesn't get jealous at all, he should be ok, this puppy will be his buddy after all. I know I won't be getting a lot of sleep. At least puppies grow faster than children, puppy will hopefully sleep through the night before he's 3 after all :-)

It should feel like spring, the time changes in spring doesn't it? Yet it doesn't feel like spring. We have had some nice days and a lot of snow has melted but we still have lots out there, and it was very cold today. It is supposed to warm up this week, I hope it does since we will have potty train to contend with. No walks for a bit until puppy gets his next shots. At least that's what I think is supposed to happen. I put in my paperwork for my August weeks off. My manager is changing so I wanted to get it done before he's gone. I love being able to take the time off with kiddo, hopefully in coming years I will be able to take longer and not have to pay for daycare. Daycare currently I pay the same rate all year round, but can't take weeks off. Next fall it changes to be by the day, and if I don't want him to go for March Break or a few weeks in summer I won't pay for those. It will save money. Eventually I may just do before school care and have him get home on his own. We are not there yet, and no way I would trust him to get there on his own.

We've been looking at home plans, again. I still have no idea what I'm going to do. Hopefully I get my paperwork soon so I can get the last payment I'm owed and then I have 3 months to decide. I'd like to go new, but I also have this dream of a small, self-sufficient home on land somewhere. That is perhaps a retirement dream though, and something more practical will happen before then. I think Jackson will have to change schools, not sure if that will be at the start of the school year or mid-way. Daycare worries me more than the school situation. All the schools in the board he attends here are very good. Some are bigger than others, I'm not sure it matters though. He is a friendly kid and he will make friends. I did, we moved a lot when I was growing up.

Alright, time to attempt some sleep. I hope that I get enough. Tomorrow it will be hard to get kiddo up, of course.

February

This year started off a little rough at times. Though our awesome cruise did make up for that. February has been great so far. I finally got my back pay, and raise. I managed to pay off some debt, put some into savings for later, and then booked a trip to Disney for the end of August. I booked flights, bought tickets and put a deposit on the hotel. I'm quite excited about the trip, and hope the weather won't be too brutally hot. I think this will be one of the only times we spend a whole week there. The timing of everything was fortuitous. I got the tickets right before they went up in price, booked the flights right before they went up as well. Even the hotel worked out well. I booked and then found out I had been misquoted, the cost is actually $500 less than I was expecting. Apparently the quote included tickets or something, which I didn't want. Very happy about this turn of events!

Last week kiddo was sick a few days, sore tummy and lots of bathroom runs. I kept him home 3 days, the third was partly because I didn't feel like driving in the crappy winter weather, buses were cancelled so whatever. When I got back to work I found out my whole (small) team would be moving to another division! Not happy about this I was fuming at first. Then I spoke to one of my team members, my boss starts much later than I do, and the team mate told me the work I do was staying so I would probably be given the choice to stay. I like my boss, but I really like his boss. So I wanted to stay, and get to! It is a good job for me, I am getting to work with upper management, get noticed, I enjoy it, am learning a tonne, and still get to do things like take August off. Hopefully this will lead to language training, eventually, and management. Which I am still not sure I want to do. But the opportunity is important.

While we were on the cruise I booked for the next one. I just moved that to March 2018, saving some money and better able to get direct flights. We are really looking forward to that one too. We like cruising!

Jackson is doing well at school, though he hates it. He complains he doesn't like to sit and learn things. I can't blame him and really only want him to do his best. He is getting about a B average, which is fine with me. I guess because I can see so many people in my place of employment with very little education beyond high school and perhaps some college, I just feel that a good job is possible without over the top effort. I mean I want him to be able to read, and think for himself, but I want him to be happy, and able to support himself. Perhaps I am cynical about employment and careers, while I like my job, I like it mostly because it supports us and allows me to do what I do.

Health wise, I am trying to move more. Especially if we are going to Disney for a week. It is a lot of walking! I would like to be able to do it and not have my feet hurt everyday. I would like to be able to do it and have energy to do so. I set up the basement to be able to workout, but have only done a few workouts down there. I'm not sure why really. I am tired, and though my thyroid medicine is apparently working, it doesn't feel like it. I am hoping this is a "winter blues" sort of thing, I do hate winter, and long for spring!

We are getting a puppy! I was going to wait until Jackson was older but he has been talking about it for awhile, he really wants a "friend" to play with. So I have been checking out breeds, and cross breeds, breeders, rescues, and doing a lot of reading. We are getting a cockapoo puppy in another month or so. He will be black, and Jackson likes the name Finn. I am both looking forward to it, and worried. Puppies are a lot of work, potty training, regular training. Even worrying about what to do with the puppy while we travel. I am sure it will all work out though. I am also nervous about a new dog after the issues with Riley. He had some serious issues, many I'm sure because of his rough start in life and lack of socialization. I am desperate to avoid any of those issues again. I hope that my choice of breed, and early training, socialization, will help keep everything smooth and easy.

A quick trip

We've been back from our cruise for almost a week. It was a 6-night cruise and it was far too short. We both really enjoyed it, perfect weather, and it was just so nice to be away. I booked another while we were on board but will have to change it because we can't get direct flights for the date I chose. I can move it without a penalty so I will do that once they open up some more dates in early April. I will be replacing it as well, with another cruise for the same time frame I had booked for.

We flew to Fort Lauderdale, about a week after the tragedy there. Which made me rather nervous, but it went ok. We ended up taking a taxi to the hotel because I didn't have a cellphone to call the hotel shuttle. I think the driver took us for a bit of a ride around, and it cost more than it should have. But whatever. The hotel was nice enough, we walked over to Taco Bell for lunch but it was so slow, we ended up at McDonalds instead. Then to Kmart, we don't have that here. Jackson got some little cars. Silly kid. He wanted to swim, but the pool was not heated so it was rather cold. He swam, I watched, and when he started to turn blue lipped with shivering I made him get out. We went back to Taco Bell for supper, he really wanted to try it, and then ended up getting McDonalds as well, the tacos were good but wow the service was so slow!

Sunday morning we had breakfast at the hotel, well kiddo didn't really eat anything. My goodness he is picky. We took a shuttle to the ship and were on super quick. Right after we ate some lunch we got to go to our cabin, kiddo put on a swim suit and we went swimming. Also not heated. He swam a bit before the emergency drill. Then it was pretty much time to get ready for supper and the ship headed out. Our luggage was super late arriving. We signed him up for the kids club, which he didn't go to at all! We had table mates for dinner from Toronto, which was kind of fun. They only came 3 nights. We ran into them all over the ship though.

We had a sea day and Jackson played in the H20 zone a lot. We played games, walked around the ship, ate hot dogs for lunch (he did that everyday) and generally enjoyed the sun and nice weather.

Our ports were Cayman Islands, Cozumel and Costa Maya. They were all quite amazing. We swam with sting rays on a practically private tour, went to beaches, he used his goggles to look at fish under the water. It was all over far too fast. Our last sea day was nice as well, lots of time in the splash zone, a good dinner, packing up and then to bed.

Enjoying Costa Maya beaches

7 Years good luck for kissing a sting ray

Debarkation was a disaster and I thought we were going to miss the flight home. Next time we will take our bags off ourselves for sure. I still get stressed thinking about it. But we caught the flight, barely. Jackson got sick on the flight home but still wants to go again. There was turbulence so that explains it. I wish he'd take some gravol or something before the flight.

The cats were super happy to see us when we got home. They were well taken care of while we were gone though. I spent Sunday doing laundry, some groceries and that's it! Back to work as of Monday, feels like I didn't have a vacation at all, but will start working on plans for the next one soon.

I still haven't received my back pay although everyone I know has received some money. If I don't have anything by the 8th I'm finally allowed to call and find out what's going on. I got information about the severance portion, which I will put into my RRSP and use as a down payment for a home. I can't decide when I want to buy though, or what. So I will be here for awhile. I keep thinking of all the extra expenses when you own. My furnace died the day before my trip, landlord had it replaced while we were away. Expensive. Fence fell over this summer and got replaced, expensive!  So many things and they add up.

Work has been frustrating, I like the project I am working on but feel like I'm the only one doing anything, or perhaps I'm just not being kept in the loop very much. Maybe a little of both. I will try and stick it out. I notice that this is the time of year I start wanting a change, job or whatever. We'll see I suppose!

I will be getting us both snorkeling masks and we'll be practicing in the pool in preparation for next time. I will also be getting us Nexus passes to speed up crossing the borders, and also I think clearing security in some US places. I was asked for his birth certificate on the way home this time, I had it with me. But it was still kind of annoying. One of those things I guess.

Vacation week 2

One week of vacation is done and we are on to week 2. So far we've had more good times than bad but still have some moments when we both lose our tempers, and I should know better. I have been trying to keep calm, make things more playful. Sometimes it works, but I know I need to be in a good frame of mind to begin with, if I am tired and it's hot and losing it already, I have a hard time switching to that playful mood. Getting better though, I think any way!

He's been doing swimming lessons, 5 down, 4 to go. And he seems to be getting it! Crazy. He did one level in the preschool levels so many times. Now he's in swim kids and voila, he can swim! I elected to put him in the regular class, there are 6 kids in there. 4 boys and 2 girls. He is the youngest boy, but is holding his own and I think it helps that there are 3 other boys who are doing really well too. The two girls, well I'll be surprised if they pass to be honest. We went swimming yesterday as well and he practiced a bit and then also jumped in with a life jacket on. I still feel like I have water up my nose. But I survived. I cross my fingers he passes. We will decide whether he wants to do another set of lessons once we know that. If he doesn't I think we'll try some extra practices just us. See if it helps or not.

Yesterday we got a fish. A betta. And a tank and all that stuff. Jackson loves it. It's in his room and he's so happy to have a pet in there that won't attack his toes. We thought it was dead yesterday because it was hiding right beside a plant and not swimming around. But apparently that's what they do actually. I ordered one more plant and think we need another lower one for him too. He's very pretty, and hopefully he lives awhile! No name other than Purple Boy at this point. I'll suggest a few tomorrow and see if he goes for any. I'm still not sure why I said ok lets get a fish then. I was thinking a gold fish or something, but this guy seems easier actually. And he can't have any friends, so no asking for more fish any time soon! Honestly, I'd love a big salt water tank, but the work, the cost, the work... too much! This little guy will do. He is a bit scared of us right now but I am sure he'll figure out we're the food bringers and be happy to see us soon enough.

The plan this week is two days of daycare, Thursday and Friday. But he may go on  Wednesday as well. He misses playing with his friends since I don't play right. What can I say? I don't follow orders so well when playing. We do play games, and with some toys. We have also been doing that pokeman go thing, for fun. We don't really know what we are doing but he likes to catch them so we go for walks and try to find them. The first time we went out it was so hot. Two hours of walking, with a stop at the park to play. Ugh. I've been getting lost of steps in though, we don't walk that fast but we get the steps in and I think it counts for something!  I have not been doing the yoga I wanted to do, I'm so tired! I haven't been getting 8 hours of sleep. See I should be in bed already! But I'm not. I just want some "me" time after he's in bed, which is happening by 9, which is so late for me on a good day, so then I stay up until 11 and feel like crap getting up at 7.

I've been taking a prenatal, and added magnesium as well. It helps me sleep (also keeps me regular ha ha) and I've read it's good for pregnancy stuff. I realized I have many books on fertility and have been reading them all. Also have two more from the library on the way. I still haven't gotten a call for my appointment! I wish they'd call so this can get rolling. Shouldn't have waited so long.  I feel like I'm taking a lot of pills, and yet I'm sure there are more I could be taking. Prenatal, CoQ10, Omega 3s, vitamin C, B100 complex, probiotic, Ca/Mg/Zn combo and if we don't get out in the sun I take vitamin D as well. Oh, and now the magnesium too. I've been taking my BBT every morning at the same time, fitbit alarm helps with that. My normal temperature is low, like below 97F, and I think that is a sign of something not right. I have blood work to get done this week so perhaps it will shed some light. I suspect my thyroid is low or something. It's not like there is a reason to be really cold when it's so hot outside. And I am not sleeping with my mouth open. I did get an ovulation cross bar on my chart which was nice to see. Hopefully I am still ovulating!

I'm also feeling a bit sad. I won't be able to go on a trip this winter. Not if I'm actively trying or soon to be. With Zika buzzing around the places I'd be wanting to visit it just doesn't make sense to risk it. I will have to wait, and then travel with a baby and kiddo. I know it's possible, and I can do it. Certainly I'm not worried about travelling with Jackson any more. He knows what to do and gets it. Baby would add in a new dynamic, but I suspect we could manage something. Travel is on hold, but also held in my dreams. I do love cruises.

I think I will go to bed now. I may actually be able to fall asleep!  And hopefully stay that way all night long... fitbit is also good for tracking that, all the wake ups and tossing and turning I do. Could be worse, but at least 20 minutes a night of it. Most nights more. Oh well! Off to dreamland for me.

On to grade 1!

Today was Jackson's last day of kindergarten. He starts Grade 1 in September.  Tomorrow is his last day with his current group at daycare as well. He moves up to Group D in July. Which is nice for the wallet, the price drops about $100 a month. Phew. He is pretty proud of himself, and excited to start the next grade. It is so strange that my baby is growing up so much, and so fast.

On Saturday he is going to my parent's for a visit. I will take him half way and meet them at Timmies, then he'll go stay with them for a few days on his own. Which means I will be here on my own for a few days. I have to work Monday and Tuesday then I'm off the rest of the week. I will go down to join him Wednesday or Thursday, we'll see how we both do the first few days. I am a little nervous, I know my parents will take good care of him, and he will be fine, and have a lot of fun. It is just strange to think I won't have to deal with taking care of him myself. The only time I've been away from him is when I was in the hospital with my gallbladder issues. And at that point I was so drugged up I didn't really notice :-)  For my few days alone I am not sure what I will do, I will get to sleep in on Sunday, if the cats allow it, and I may go to a movie! Something totally not kid friendly. I'd like to see the new Terminator movie but it doesn't come out until Wednesday, so it may be the new Jurassic World. I guess I'll see.

Work has been quite frustrating to me lately, I do not like some of my coworkers, and my new boss is very frustrating. He is temporary so I am trying to get through it. I am taking 5 weeks off in August, and looking forward to it. Only just over 5 weeks to go. I cannot wait! We have few plans, only some day trips to fit in. And one trip to Toronto to go to the Royal Ontario Museum and see the dinosaurs. As well we will probably go to Centre Island, which I am hoping will be a lot of fun. I am hoping we will simply relax, and enjoy doing nothing much for the summer, trips to the park, ride our bikes, things like that. I guess we'll see how well that goes. I do have to pay for August in order to keep his space, so he may go for a couple days when they do different trips.

Once back to work I will see if I can find a new position. I have applied on a new position but it doesn't seem to be doing anything right now, hopefully I get some news on it before my holidays. I just cannot seem to find my job, that something that I enjoy doing, or at least don't dread getting up to do. I know that I make good money, and have benefits and it is a good job. It just doesn't make me happy, or like I am contributing anything.

In other news, we got a new kitten. I wanted an ocicat, and found a breeder near Montreal. We went and picked little Kit Kat up on June 14. She is great, she gets along well with everyone, including the other cats. And especially Jackson, who really likes her. She is a healthy little thing, she was fixed already and I took her to the vet to get checked out. The breeder had her on a raw diet, and I have kept that up, adding in canned because my other two prefer it. They are all switching over though. All my research leads me to think it will be healthier for the cats in the long run and after all the health issues with my pets, well I will do what I can.

Elsa and Kit Kat playing

Rough days

We had a nice long weekend at my parent's place. Jackson enjoyed staying up late, getting spoiled, spending time with my dad doing sporty things. I had an ok time, I'd prefer to be home really. It is nice to not have to cook and such things but it's not my house.

Sadly this was the last trip for poor Riley dog. He has been having some stomach issues, not eating as much as normal, throwing up sometimes, but I chalked it up to the cheaper food I was feeding him, and the "snacks" he stole from the cats and kiddo. He was fine at my parent's place, did his usual thing, but when we got home Monday he was not acting like himself. I thought perhaps he was car sick. I got a gravol in him, and he drank some water. Yesterday he was still not eating, and when I got home he had thrown up on the floor, again! The power went out right before I got Jackson from daycare so we went over to McDonalds for supper, got home around 6 and the power came back on. Riley was lying by the front door, and then in the kitchen. At bedtime I put Riley outside while I took Jackson up to bed. When I came down he was lying in the far corner of the yard, I called him over but he wouldn't come. I went over and picked him up because he couldn't seem to stand or walk. I brought him to the deck by the back door and grabbed my phone. I called my parents then my sister. I needed her to come and watch Jackson so I could get the dog to the vet, he was struggling on the deck. I called the vet right after hanging up with my sister, they closed in ten minutes so I knew we wouldn't make it. And as I was speaking to them Riley basically took his last breath. That was it. Crazy and so sad. I can't believe he just died like that. I didn't think he was that sick. I mean he's been like this before and been fine. But now he's gone. I had him cremated but did not want the ashes back.

The part that makes me feel bad, is really that I was planning to get rid of him this summer. I knew I needed to do that, and was procrastinating. As I tend to do. I feel very guilty, that he suffered in the end. That I am somehow relieved that he is gone. Jackson is a very practical kid. I told him this morning that I had sad news, that Riley had died and gone to heaven. He thought about it for a moment and then said it was sad but that there was good news too. We still have two cats, we won't have to have a dog trying to lick us, or poop in the yard, or steal our food. So he's ok about it. I told him Riley would be cremated (turned into dust and ashes) and spread over a field of flowers. This is very interesting to him. The place I had him taken to does a ceremony to spread the ashes in the summer, but I don't really want to go.

A project

Since my cat passed away while I was on vacation I have really been missing him. It's a bit silly I guess, I mean he was a cat. But he was such a good one, he was the one who cuddled with me and played, and was the first to come greet me at the door. I am on a waiting list to get a new cat. Yes I am going to a breeder, I have rescued pretty much all my other cats and just want one from a breeder, with a guarantee and the breed I want. I should be getting my new ocicat kitten in 3 months or so, not sure if it will be a boy or a girl, but it will come with shots, well socialized and already fixed.

In the meantime, I am focusing on the two cats who remain. Snickers is 7 and very overweight. I've put him on a diet, actually they both are I suppose. I switched them to wet/canned food instead of dry, though they do still get a bit because when I go away for long weekends it is much easier to deal with. So far he has lost 7 ounces, in about a week. That's around 2% of his body weight, so a bit quick for a cat, but he is still doing well. He is actually starting to play more, and interact with Elsa. Elsa is doing well, she is crazy playful and I usually wake up with her cuddled right beside me now. She will be a year old in a month.

The funny thing about my cat losing weight is that he is doing it faster than I am. And I am trying. I do have a lot more energy now, I want to workout. I get up before 5 and do a workout. I enjoy it, I actually want to do it! It feels good and pumps me up for the day. Even when I get home from work, I want to do more! It's weird and kind of nice. I am so anxious for the weather to improve so Jackson and I can get out biking, and hiking. I do need a new bike, but hopefully I can get one early and we can go on adventures.

Joshua and Elsa

Snickers with Elsa, Joshua in front

Stuff, our trip, and my poor Joshua

I am sitting here, at home alone, while Jackson is at Kids Night Out. It's a thing at the play gym he likes, Friday night from 6 to 9pm for $15. I was supposed to be going out to dinner with friends but they both cancelled on me so here I am watching a movie and feeling a bit sorry for myself. I guess this means I need some more friends, Perhaps to start dating. It's a limited time window though, 3 hours on Friday night. Or find a better babysitter? But that would cost more. I'll figure something out I guess. It is weird to be here without him home. I mean by now he'd be in bed and I'd be watching a movie any way.

We went on our big trip and it was amazing. Two nights at Art of Animation, a day at Animal Kingdom, then a 7-day cruise of the eastern Caribbean. The whole thing was so lovely, a little stressful, and perfect weather.

The hotel was pretty nice, the room was good. It was a long walk to our room, but it was quieter and near the quiet pool which we did use. We also walked up to the main pool to swim, but it was so cold out that night it was not as much fun! For me any way. The food was ok, breakfast wasn't the best but the pizza was good. At least Jackson thought so. We went to Downtown Disney the first evening after arrival and a swim. We wandered around, looked at some toys, and he chose to buy a lego set. One he could probably get here. But he likes it so it's ok.

We went to Animal Kingdom for the day on Saturday and it was awesome. It was cold when we got there, we did the safari right away, no wait, then went to breakfast at Tuskers and got breakfast with the characters. The food was good, but it was expensive for what we really got. After that we wandered, saw some trails, took the train out to Rafiki station and back, then he discovered the Boneyard. And that was pretty much that. He spent a lot of time there, expensive tickets for him to play at a playground! We did go to Expedition Everest, it was terrifying to me. I'm scared of heights. Jackson wasn't too happy either, but we did it and I don't regret it. We did the safari again at the end of the day and it was cool to see the animals both morning and late afternoon. We ate a lot of ice cream at the park as well. We had dinner back at the resort, and then went for that late cold swim.

Next morning we waited for the shuttle to take us to the cruise, it was an interesting experience getting to the ship but we made it. It was very exciting to get there, and the whole ship was pretty nice. I do wish I had chosen a different boat, but it was nice enough. Our cabin was great, inside, and the bed was done up as a king instead of two twins, so we shared a bed the whole week.  We were assigned late dining which sucked. But the first night's dinner was tasty. No dessert because Jackson was falling asleep at the table.

Our first port was Nassau. It was really nice. We did a day pass at a nearby hotel and it was great, the beach was gorgeous and quiet, Jackson had a lot of fun and I was able to let him run around without worry. We ate there as well, it was kind of included in the price, and we were able to walk to and from the ship.

The next day was at sea. It wasn't the best day. We did a Dr Seuss parade and story telling, Jackson finally agreed to some time in the kids club, so I got to read on the deck. We went for breakfast at the sea day brunch, and got made to wait while others got in, so I complained after breakfast and that evening we got told we could do the any time dining. Which meant that was the last late night of dinner!  Phew. 

We then did 3 ports back to back, San Juan, St Thomas and Grand Turk. Of the 3 I loved St Thomas most. San Juan was nice but there were a lot of ships in port, and it was a lot of walking. We had fun exploring the fort but it was hot and I got sweaty! We got a few souvenirs, and I think Jackson enjoyed it. We ordered room service for the first time that day for lunch, which was so nice! 

St Thomas was my favourite beach. It was gorgeous, clear and so warm. The drive was a bit crazy. But over all that was the best stop. I don't think we actually bought anything there, but we did have a lot of fun. We spent the whole time in the water, just swimming, Jackson loved it and it was nice for me too. 

Final stop was Grand Turk. It was ok. It was free at least, nothing to pay for in port. We swam but it was rocky so not as much fun for me. I was glad we had water shoes. Jackson went to the kids club that evening, and he ate dinner there! So I ate a table with some other nice people, it was kind of nice. 

The last day was again at sea. It was very rough. We were both sea sick. But we managed to get out of the room by around 2, after some extra sleep, medicine and some more room service. We did a family scavenger hunt, which only one other family participated in, so we won a trophy! It was fun and Jackson really enjoyed it and loves his trophy. Dinner was good, We both felt better by then and he was able to go to the last night at the kids club, to say good bye up there. 

Next day we flew home! The trip home was good, the shuttle went much better. There were no problems with anything and the flight was good. But man oh man, the cold. That really rather sucked. My sister picked us up at the airport, and had a chicken pot pie for us for dinner. Then we got home and she gave me the news. My poor poor sweet Joshua died while we were gone. He was not even 3 and I loved that cat! He was such a sweetie and really my favourite. It has been two weeks and I still miss him so much.  So yes, I will be getting another cat. Hopefully in a few months, I would love it to be sooner but I want to wait for the right cat.

Joshua when he was just about a year

A mistake?

We've had a bit of a rough weekend. Someone got up around 5:30 both mornings, much to mama's annoyance. Which led to a cranky mommy and a tired boy by the end of the day. Yesterday we went to look at a kitten. And then we brought her home. Which I'm not sure was a good idea now. Of course Jackson is quite smitten with her, and she is adorable, but I think she's just so young! There is no way she is already 8 weeks. And I'd have preferred her to be closer to 12. Why did I do it? No idea really. My two cats are not impressed, and the dog is obsessed. Little Elsa is currently spending all her time in the guest room, with the usual supplies of course, and many visits from both of us. But she is a very social little thing, wants to cuddle and follow us around. I hope it works out, but I am worried she'll have to go. And I'm not sure how to do that, whether to see if the rescue will take her back, find her a new home or what.

Jackson had a sore throat and runny nose yesterday, so we didn't spend much time outside. Today we were out in the back for a little while but not long, no trips to the park. He played with his toys, and didn't eat a whole lot. He did have a lot of freezies, Popsicle and ice cream. I hope he is feeling better tomorrow. Though I wouldn't mind missing a day or two of work. I think we would drive each other crazy being home again. And if he is well enough to want to be a the park, then he is well enough for daycare and school.

Work is a bit frustrating, my boss announced he is looking for a change. So we'll be getting a new manager. I have never had a manager move on before, usually I move before they do or the teams are shuffled somehow. But in this case he is looking to move and we are just going to deal with it. I like the man, he is great, though he is very disorganized, and seems constantly overwhelmed with his job. I think he's been doing this particular job for too long. Of course I am worried about who will replace him, always a risk.  I much prefer to choose the job and my manager than have it forced upon me. The work itself isn't bad, just need some direction, half the time I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction. I feel like that in my whole life sometimes. But then I remember my little boy, and I know it will be ok in the end. 

Recovery and rest

Surgery went well, I guess. I think. It was quite strange, to fall asleep and then wake up with a piece of me missing. It has been an ok recovery so far. I have not had a lot of pain, I haven't had to take any strong pain medicine, only tylenol. So that's good at least. Mom and dad were here to help me out, which was great. At least Jackson was well taken care of. He enjoyed having them here as well. Jackson has been pretty good about my restrictions, he knows I can't pick him up though he does still ask sometimes. He is difficult at bedtime, I think part of it is worry and part of it is just being almost 4.

The timing hasn't been great. My poor kitten broke his leg on Saturday and it's been a roller coaster getting that fixed. He is in a cast now, the second one. First one he pulled off. He is on antibiotics and pain medicine for a few more days. In 6 weeks he'll get the cast off.

The problem is that I think my dog did it. I am not 100% sure, there was snarling and then awhile later the cat was holding his paw up and hissing. So I've made the decision to rehome the dog. I have an online friend who is helping me get him into a rescue, though it may take until after the holidays. I think it's best for him over all. Given his history I don't think the humane society would take him. Though I also hope it doesn't come to that.

The issue with the cat has certainly cost me a lot of money. I think I am still on track to start trying in June or so. I plan to ask for a referral around my birthday in February. I am assume 6 weeks to get in and 6 weeks for testing, then ready in June to try. The temping hasn't been going well, but I think it doesn't matter too much since the surgery likely messed a few things up internally. I will try once I'm able to sleep more than 3 hours in a row.  Sleep has been difficult lately,between my own surgery and the cat having problems, it's been a long week!

Adding to my stress has been a work change. I have been unhappy in my job for a little while now, it is simply not something I feel comfortable doing. So I put my name in the work job bank and last week Tuesday I was called by another manager to "meet and greet" and discuss an opportunity in his area. I met with him Wednesday and then Thursday late he offered me the position!  I asked for a few days to think it over since I had the surgery on Friday. I talked to my current manager, and on Monday I called to accept the job. I start on January 6th after my Christmas holidays. I am excited about the opportunity, and new challenge. My current boss mentioned that this new position seems to be more in my comfort zone, but that to move ahead I may need to push beyond that (like I do in my current position).  I agree, but I have 19 + years left until I can retires, so I think I have time to worry about that later. Plus I'd have to learn French, managers all need to be bilingual and I am not.

It's been quite a week or two, and I am looking forward to it being quieter. But tomorrow is Jackson's birthday party, and Monday he turns 4. So that may not happen for awhile!  After all that it will be Christmas soon. I have taken off from Dec 25th and go back to work on Jan 6th. Jackson is coming to work with me on the 24th, and his daycare is closed on the 27th, so we'll be together for a few days, but I may send him to daycare when they are open. I could just use some time to get myself sorted out a little bit, and be able to focus on me, my health, and rest. I don't think I have had a good sleep in weeks, perhaps years ;-)