Family

My dad is quite ill. It's strange because up until a couple months ago he was walking 5 miles a day. Now he has lost quite a bit of weight, and is on a bunch of medications. He is finally feeling up to eating again so hopefully that will help. He also has had a few tests done and more ordered. And he finally got a new family doctor in their new town. That is good at least, he'll have someone to follow his care instead of having to wait hours in the ER to speak to someone. I hope he feels better soon. My mom is still worried about him, but happy he's starting to eat again.

Jackson and I had a fight at bedtime one night. He told me he wants me to get married and find him a father. He thinks that if he had a dad he would never have to be alone, and he'd have more money to play his game. I tried to explain you can't just run out and get a man to marry, that I'm not really interested, it's hard work, and that it probably wouldn't go how he thinks. But he was quite upset. He then also said he just wants a bigger family. I kind of broke down and told him I am so sorry I never gave him a brother or sister. He gave me a hug and told me he doesn't need a brother or sister. But I do feel badly about it. Not so much the dad part simply because I really don't see the need.

We have seen more of our family these past few weeks than in the months before. I suppose that is a good thing, but it's also different. I am very much an introvert, though I love my kid and being a mom, I also love to be quiet and alone, reading or whatever. It is one thing I do love about vacation, just the two of us and not having to be around people all the time. I find that draining.

Now I just need to grow our family. A little. Though it will be hard, and expensive. I know it can happen. I do regret not doing it sooner. So much. But I will still move forward, and do this. I am old, and my eggs are old. There are options, and I will follow them as best I can.