We had an interesting week. It was a little rough in spots, when the internet shuts off and Jackson feels he should still be able to use it. I have left him his iPad for the most part, with a shut off before bed. We had a few good days. In particular Wednesday was great. We had to go boot shopping, which was fun, we went all over the place and ended up at a mall where we had dinner and then tried on more boots. Finally got a nice pair, cost more than I wanted. But on the way home we had a good talk, and he said he thought maybe he shouldn't play on the xbox during the week. He was good about that, and only played today.
As soon as he turned it on, it was like he was back in that rage explosion. He was rude, and again with the language. It's the xbox then. He was agreeable to only using it on the weekend, though I'm not sure how long that will last. I will have to set a stronger limit on it, because it really is detrimental to his well being, and my own sanity.
Parent teacher interviews were ok. They are trying to help him, which is good to see, but I'm not sure the methods will really help. He doesn't really respond to sticker chart style rewards. And he doesn't always understand why he's in trouble for things. I have a bit of a plan for it, and read a really good book that has steps to help. I will be following that plan and working with him to problem solve and try to figure out how to stop the explosions.
We chatted today a bit about having a sibling. I asked him if he'd be ok with no trips for a few years if we had a baby in the house. He was not ok with that idea. He seems to think we won't be able to afford to eat (which is silly) and he wouldn't get time to play his xbox (which is being cut back any way) or I'd be too busy paying attention to the baby to have time for him. Of course it isn't his decision but knowing his fears I can perhaps help to allay them. And of course there is the cost to figure out any way. It's expensive to do double donor. I'm not sure I'll be able to afford it. Not that I can afford a trip for awhile any way, but they are cheaper than this method of having a baby.
Sunday, November 18, 2018
Monday, November 12, 2018
The social worker
Jackson has been having difficulty in school. Not with learning, he is very smart, but with the social/emotional aspects of it. He is behind in those it seems. So he rages at the slightest insult, perceiving it to be much greater than it is. Because he can't decompress, each issue is compounded. And he brings it home. The words that come out of his mouth... I haven't heard such language from adults, let alone an 8-year-old. I talked to the vice principal, she explained their plans to help him, and also that they could set me up to speak with their social worker, who could also speak to him if needed. I took them up on it and today we met.
It was 90 minutes of me talking (and crying, because I am a cryer). Going over everything, from his conception to his birth, to how he was as a baby, and even potty training. She listened, asked a lot of questions, I hope I gave her all the information. Then she made some recommendations.
First is to follow up with the family doctor to see about testing for ADHD, depression and/or anxiety issues.I messages the doctor's office to see if they want to meet with me, him, both or what to get that started.
I'm supposed to talk to my EAP and find out what is covered and seek a psych-ed assessment. I will start that at work tomorrow. I also wanted to check what my insurance coverage is for psychologists and see if I need a referral first (we do).
She recommended a place in Ottawa that specializes in children with possible mental health issues, to help us learn collaborative ways to problem solve. That's free, I think I can call and talk to someone or we can go to a drop in time. We'll see first what happens with the doctor and EAP.
She gave me the names of some places I can go to talk to for support since she thinks I'm carrying all the guilt. I think those are free as well. But again, will wait to talk to EAP first.
She recommends a babysitter so I can go out sometimes. That's hard. We have a crazy puppy, the house is not at a point I'd want other people in it, to be honest I hate it myself and find it hard to keep everything sorted. Work in progress. Drives me nuts. We'll see how that goes!
She recommends Jackson be involved in a community activity. The problem there is he only wants to play hockey and it's expensive, so we need something else. I suggested swimming since he was so good at it. I wish he'd try again.
She recommended two books. One I can find and the other I cannot. So I'll start with the one I can find, I will get it on kindle Wednesday (pay day) as the waiting list at the library seems really long.
And she says to limit technology. None allowed in his room (he's up there now watching YouTube on his iPad) and none after 7 pm. That will be a big fight. He currently uses it to self calm before bed. We will have to go back to me staying with him while he falls asleep, starting it earlier, and for sure it will be a process. I may get him to take some melatonin before bed, at least for the first few days to help him calm his mind and hopefully sleep. Earlier bed time.
We have two "problems" that I can see at the moment, his refusal to go to daycare/school and his language/temper tantrums at home. I showed him the times that could work, explaining that I need to work a certain number of hours in the day, unfortunately he is not old enough to be home alone for long periods of time, so his choices are daycare before school and walk home after, daycare before and after but for shorter times, or daycare after and on PD days. He wants to go with what we are currently doing, but he doesn't like it. Well I don't like going to work either but sadly we all have to do things we don't like sometimes. Hopefully we can get through that bit!
I'll have a follow up phone call in 4 weeks, right after his birthday, and hopefully things will be improving, at home and at school. He had a note today that he needed to write two apology notes and he'd know why and to whom. I made him do it. He wasn't happy and will not tell me what all happened. I also got a text from the mom of a boy he walks home with that Jackson pushed him off the side walk into the street. Now first of all the other boy plays football and I'm sure weighs twice as much as Jackson. But that's fine, we spoke about it as I was outside going to check the mail when he got home and he was crying. He told me the two boys he was walking with were teasing him and wouldn't stop. The other boy's mom was with them and apparently got mad at Jackson as well, didn't seem to care that her son was calling him names. I told Jackson to avoid walking with them if he can. I know they go the same way he does so it's hard. And yes he needs to learn to ignore these things, but he's not there yet. So it goes.
I guess I need a "self care" plan as well... what can I do for myself to get through this? I'm not even sure to be honest. I know exercise, eating better, sleep should all be top of the list... we'll see!
It was 90 minutes of me talking (and crying, because I am a cryer). Going over everything, from his conception to his birth, to how he was as a baby, and even potty training. She listened, asked a lot of questions, I hope I gave her all the information. Then she made some recommendations.
First is to follow up with the family doctor to see about testing for ADHD, depression and/or anxiety issues.I messages the doctor's office to see if they want to meet with me, him, both or what to get that started.
I'm supposed to talk to my EAP and find out what is covered and seek a psych-ed assessment. I will start that at work tomorrow. I also wanted to check what my insurance coverage is for psychologists and see if I need a referral first (we do).
She recommended a place in Ottawa that specializes in children with possible mental health issues, to help us learn collaborative ways to problem solve. That's free, I think I can call and talk to someone or we can go to a drop in time. We'll see first what happens with the doctor and EAP.
She gave me the names of some places I can go to talk to for support since she thinks I'm carrying all the guilt. I think those are free as well. But again, will wait to talk to EAP first.
She recommends a babysitter so I can go out sometimes. That's hard. We have a crazy puppy, the house is not at a point I'd want other people in it, to be honest I hate it myself and find it hard to keep everything sorted. Work in progress. Drives me nuts. We'll see how that goes!
She recommends Jackson be involved in a community activity. The problem there is he only wants to play hockey and it's expensive, so we need something else. I suggested swimming since he was so good at it. I wish he'd try again.
She recommended two books. One I can find and the other I cannot. So I'll start with the one I can find, I will get it on kindle Wednesday (pay day) as the waiting list at the library seems really long.
And she says to limit technology. None allowed in his room (he's up there now watching YouTube on his iPad) and none after 7 pm. That will be a big fight. He currently uses it to self calm before bed. We will have to go back to me staying with him while he falls asleep, starting it earlier, and for sure it will be a process. I may get him to take some melatonin before bed, at least for the first few days to help him calm his mind and hopefully sleep. Earlier bed time.
We have two "problems" that I can see at the moment, his refusal to go to daycare/school and his language/temper tantrums at home. I showed him the times that could work, explaining that I need to work a certain number of hours in the day, unfortunately he is not old enough to be home alone for long periods of time, so his choices are daycare before school and walk home after, daycare before and after but for shorter times, or daycare after and on PD days. He wants to go with what we are currently doing, but he doesn't like it. Well I don't like going to work either but sadly we all have to do things we don't like sometimes. Hopefully we can get through that bit!
I'll have a follow up phone call in 4 weeks, right after his birthday, and hopefully things will be improving, at home and at school. He had a note today that he needed to write two apology notes and he'd know why and to whom. I made him do it. He wasn't happy and will not tell me what all happened. I also got a text from the mom of a boy he walks home with that Jackson pushed him off the side walk into the street. Now first of all the other boy plays football and I'm sure weighs twice as much as Jackson. But that's fine, we spoke about it as I was outside going to check the mail when he got home and he was crying. He told me the two boys he was walking with were teasing him and wouldn't stop. The other boy's mom was with them and apparently got mad at Jackson as well, didn't seem to care that her son was calling him names. I told Jackson to avoid walking with them if he can. I know they go the same way he does so it's hard. And yes he needs to learn to ignore these things, but he's not there yet. So it goes.
I guess I need a "self care" plan as well... what can I do for myself to get through this? I'm not even sure to be honest. I know exercise, eating better, sleep should all be top of the list... we'll see!
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