Stir Crazy Winter Blues

 I'm sure it's because I can see a year of lockdown bearing down on us, but this winter I am going stir crazy. Not being able to go anywhere is frustrating. Though the places I want to go are Disney, Universal and a cruise, or to visit my parents. Even Jackson is annoyed and sad by it all. Yesterday I allowed one of his friends to come play in the snow with him, they played inside for a bit as well which made me nervous but I'm sure it'll be ok. We both can't wait for spring, and being able to get outside again. Walks, bike rides, playing basketball, going to the park. And visiting my parents of course. 

Every so often Jackson will say he wants a little brother, he thinks I should just adopt a 5 or 6 year old boy so he has someone to play with. But he's also said a baby would be nice and he'd help me with the baby. He obviously doesn't understand the whole process. It's time consuming and I don't know if I am cut out for it. I turned 46 two weeks ago, my body is done with the ability to be pregnant, though my doctor feels he needs to confirm this with a blood test, and I deeply regret not trying at least. I am not sure I could manage adoption, it seems easy in one way, kids who need a parent to love them, but hard in other ways. I feel like I have been through a lot with Jackson and all the issues. We are finally getting to a good place. It has taken a long time. Of course then I also have more experience with it all, maybe that has me more prepared. But realistically, in 9 or so years, I could retire. And then what? Maybe I should be content. But Jackson isn't. Would he be in another few years?

I decided to rejoin WW, not fully sure why. It was a good deal for sure, but it's hard to get back into. I hope I can stick to it this time and see some results. I think this is the time of year when I feel tired and lazy and discontent. I want to be doing more, and travelling, just enjoying life. Things I can't do with an infant very easily. Though I could try. 

March I plan to do some work in the house, move a few things around, clean a few things up/out, and replace a few items. I hope that spring arrives early as well, and we can start to get outside more. Since it seems we will be here this year, maybe we could do a proper garden space, or at least do some pots with veggies. I'll have to get the landlord to fix up the deck as well, there are a few rotted boards. They started last summer but with all the restrictions I didn't want to cause a fuss. Once the snow melts I'll take some pictures and let him know. 

Jackson is registered for Grade 7 in the fall, now to get him to do the math work I think he needs so he will be able to keep up with the other kids. Worst case, I'll pull him out again and continue with homeschooling. It will be different though, since I'm sure his friends will all be back in classes. The school board is setting up a few online only schools, with separate teachers and structure. It's an interesting thing and would certainly interest me but I can't see him doing ok with it. I hope that the new school is better than the last one, and he gets some good teachers. I also hope they contact me to discuss anything beforehand. I've told them about his diagnoses and I hope they take it seriously, and that he gets the help he needs in school, as well as out. 

The interesting thing to me is that as I learn more about ADHD I realize that he is very typical in his behaviour. So I wonder why the school couldn't understand and be able to help him more. Is he the only one in his school with this same diagnosis? Doesn't make sense. I guess we'll see if high school is better prepared. At least he'll have gym daily, which is a great thing from my perspective. And I will advocate for him, and also be prepared to pull him out. I refuse to have him in a situation where he is being made to feel bad about himself any more. At least I should be able to continue working from home even after covid so I can be here and deal with things like school a little more easily. 

Medication and Supplements

 It's been over a week of the new medication, and the supplements. He doesn't like taking any of it and everyday is a struggle. He refuses the omega 3's and I can't really blame him, I mean it is flavoured fish oil. Yuck. We finally have the magnesium and theanine mixed in apple sauce as the best choice there. And the actual medication is small (and expensive). Even with my drug plan coverage it was almost $30. But I think it might be working? He has had a few blow ups but (knock wood) not as many as he was having. He has also been going to bed at 11 which is better than 1 (or later). That surprised me since the medication can cause sleep problems. I'm not sure how that will go if he was in school and had to be there early, he sleeps until 9 or 10 now, so he'd have to get up earlier for school. 

I did register him for high school, which is a pain now. I have to send in a bunch of documents they should already have since he was registered there previously... kind of irritating to be honest. I may push back on it, but I don't want to cause problems before he even starts. I'm not honestly sure how well it will go any way, he is very stubborn and I hope he is going to really try in the fall, it's a long time away and we still have the therapy part of this treatment plan to get to. 

Last week my cat, the oldest one, hurt his leg. Being an off pay week it was difficult to find time/money to take him to the vet so he was confined to the guest room for a few days, and over night (much to his annoyance). He is actually doing better now, still seems to limp a bit. I have an appointment for him Friday but am not sure I want to take him. It will stress him out a lot and at this point I don't think there is much they can do for him. I do think I need to start adding something to his food for old cats, green lipped mussel or glucosamine for joints would probably be a good idea. I'll see how he is doing tomorrow and decide then if I will keep the appointment or not. 

We have a few trips booked for the future, I'm not sure what will actually be able to happen. Vaccine rollout seems to be taking it's time here and who knows what will happen. I am not sure we'll be able to go this year which will be very sad. Next year is debatable as well. But maybe by summer/fall? And then what to do? Considering a Mediterranean cruise. Or Disney... because we like to do that. But the cruise is actually probably cheaper, even if it's 10 nights from Rome and we stay 3 or 4 days in Rome pre-cruise. Might be a nice change? We'll see.... April 2023 cruise will be happening... if we can't travel by then I will be crying about more than the loss of travel. 

I am hoping we'll be able to do something this summer, even if it's just going back to the Toronto Zoo for a day, or something along those lines. I'd consider renting a cottage of some sort, but not sure where to do that, or if it's something I'd really be able to relax with. I know he would love it but I'd still have to cook and clean. I'm wondering what will be able to open this summer, Calypso? That would be ideal. Even being able to swim in a fun way, not just laps, would be great. At least the beach we like will be open again, they were doing work on it last summer so we ended up across the river in Gatineau twice. I prefer to stay on this side though. Hopefully he'll be able to play with some friends too, and even just visit my parents. I only plan to take a week in June/July and two weeks in August though. I want to save my vacation for those trips we may not be able to do... but if we can't then when we can do them I'll have lots of vacation time saved up. 

The Pediatrician

 Yesterday we had our appointment with the pediatrician. He is a specialist in brain/mind things so very familiar with ADHD, anxiety, ODD, etc. The appointment was long, over an hour. And oh we have a lot to do now! I hope some part of it will be successful and there will be improvement in the reactions. He explained the "higher brain" and "lower brain" stuff, how Jackson is living in the reactive state and not allowing his higher brain to take over. And so that is what we need to work on. He gave recommendations for massage therapy, physiotherapy, a slew of supplements, 1 hours of activity a day, 10-15 minutes of meditation/yoga per day and only 2 hours of screen time (outside of educational and family time). As well, he gave us a prescription for medication, which I will get filled tomorrow with the hope we can start it on Sunday. And hope it works. Oh, bloodwork to get done as well, and recommendation to have Jackson's eye's checked. So. 

We have an eye appointment for Tuesday after work. We have an intake sessions with the physiotherapist for March. I spoke with a psychologist today and we will be setting up the intake appointment with me and then treatment plans for the future, hoping to start end of February or beginning of March. That's virtual. I will take him for the bloodwork next Friday since I have the day off, we can line up virtually I believe so hopefully that works well. I'm not sure. I believe I have to pay for one of the tests, hopefully it's covered by my work plan. Like all the other stuff... I still have to make an appointment for massage therapy as well, but it's all out of pocket and reimbursed stuff so I am waiting a bit since money is tight, again. 

Kiddo broke his phone last night so I had to get him a new one. I am honestly surprised it lasted as long as it did, but he really broke it, snapped the screen right off it. New one is not as big, or as powerful, but oh well! Hopefully it lasts a year. There are 10 months left before the old one is even paid off so we can't change plans, but I was able to put the sim card in the new one and it works fine. I will probably upgrade mine when we are able to and save my current one for him to use when his breaks, we'll see. I can then get some kind of pay as you go type plan, or bring your own device style. Cheaper I think. He likes to watch videos while he's going to bed. Which of course we need to work on. 

For the decreases in screen time we are starting with a baseline, how much time is he on it now. Then well set a plan to decrease it. I can't see him going "cold turkey". We have tried that before and oh it does not go well. The doctor talked about how the screens act on the same part of the brain that causes addiction, brains behave the same way with screens as they do with various drugs. Lovely. I think that will help with the outbursts as most of them are related to things that have happened in a game.

Some are due to the disconnect between what someone says or means and how Jackson's brain perceives it. He doesn't always think things through or understand that what he thinks as a first reaction isn't really what anyone has said. I hope the therapist will be able to help with that. And with increasing his mood, helping him see the good in things and the growth mindset that will benefit him later. 

Now we start to worry about what to do about school in the fall. When he is rested and in a good mood he is ok with a change. When he is tired or hungry he only says he wants to go where his friends do. Though I don't agree. I will hopefully be able to talk to him about this as we go through the various treatments and see improvement. While I think we will be staying here for another year, to save money, who knows and perhaps we will want to move. You never know what will happen.

Now if only this lockdown, pandemic, crappy stuck at home stuff would end. While I love working from home, and don't want to do much in winter any way, kiddo needs to be more active than we are. It would be nice to be able to do things. Hopefully lockdown is ending in another week or two, and by then it will be almost spring. It is even hard to walk the dog because sidewalks are so narrow, I don't want to pass that closely to others. 

My birthday is coming up on the weekend, 46. Yeah. I'm old! Well not really I guess but it feels like I am. Like I am done with so many things. I still have a few years to go before I can retire though. I do wish that was sooner. I am rethinking my wish to be a snowbird though. With this pandemic a lot of them have been stuck, either able to travel or not. So we'll see. In the meantime, we are probably getting a kitten in the next few months. Yeah. Don't need another cat of course, but we love them and I think our youngest one would like a playmate, she torments one of our other cats and I hope a kitten would help. We'll see.