I'm sure it's because I can see a year of lockdown bearing down on us, but this winter I am going stir crazy. Not being able to go anywhere is frustrating. Though the places I want to go are Disney, Universal and a cruise, or to visit my parents. Even Jackson is annoyed and sad by it all. Yesterday I allowed one of his friends to come play in the snow with him, they played inside for a bit as well which made me nervous but I'm sure it'll be ok. We both can't wait for spring, and being able to get outside again. Walks, bike rides, playing basketball, going to the park. And visiting my parents of course.
Every so often Jackson will say he wants a little brother, he thinks I should just adopt a 5 or 6 year old boy so he has someone to play with. But he's also said a baby would be nice and he'd help me with the baby. He obviously doesn't understand the whole process. It's time consuming and I don't know if I am cut out for it. I turned 46 two weeks ago, my body is done with the ability to be pregnant, though my doctor feels he needs to confirm this with a blood test, and I deeply regret not trying at least. I am not sure I could manage adoption, it seems easy in one way, kids who need a parent to love them, but hard in other ways. I feel like I have been through a lot with Jackson and all the issues. We are finally getting to a good place. It has taken a long time. Of course then I also have more experience with it all, maybe that has me more prepared. But realistically, in 9 or so years, I could retire. And then what? Maybe I should be content. But Jackson isn't. Would he be in another few years?
I decided to rejoin WW, not fully sure why. It was a good deal for sure, but it's hard to get back into. I hope I can stick to it this time and see some results. I think this is the time of year when I feel tired and lazy and discontent. I want to be doing more, and travelling, just enjoying life. Things I can't do with an infant very easily. Though I could try.
March I plan to do some work in the house, move a few things around, clean a few things up/out, and replace a few items. I hope that spring arrives early as well, and we can start to get outside more. Since it seems we will be here this year, maybe we could do a proper garden space, or at least do some pots with veggies. I'll have to get the landlord to fix up the deck as well, there are a few rotted boards. They started last summer but with all the restrictions I didn't want to cause a fuss. Once the snow melts I'll take some pictures and let him know.
Jackson is registered for Grade 7 in the fall, now to get him to do the math work I think he needs so he will be able to keep up with the other kids. Worst case, I'll pull him out again and continue with homeschooling. It will be different though, since I'm sure his friends will all be back in classes. The school board is setting up a few online only schools, with separate teachers and structure. It's an interesting thing and would certainly interest me but I can't see him doing ok with it. I hope that the new school is better than the last one, and he gets some good teachers. I also hope they contact me to discuss anything beforehand. I've told them about his diagnoses and I hope they take it seriously, and that he gets the help he needs in school, as well as out.
The interesting thing to me is that as I learn more about ADHD I realize that he is very typical in his behaviour. So I wonder why the school couldn't understand and be able to help him more. Is he the only one in his school with this same diagnosis? Doesn't make sense. I guess we'll see if high school is better prepared. At least he'll have gym daily, which is a great thing from my perspective. And I will advocate for him, and also be prepared to pull him out. I refuse to have him in a situation where he is being made to feel bad about himself any more. At least I should be able to continue working from home even after covid so I can be here and deal with things like school a little more easily.
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