I can't believe it's March already. This year is flying by. So far it's going ok. Things are starting to open back up, so at least in terms of restrictions, things are getting better here. Jackson goes for his booster shot this Saturday, I wanted to get it as soon as possible so he is well protected as they remove restrictions. He won't have to wear a mask at recess, though he said he might still any way.
School. What a disaster, he's really only going because he has basketball tryouts going on this week, otherwise it is a struggle to get him there twice a week. I feel like this is such a wasted year. I wonder if we should have just stuck with homeschooling and been done with it. At least then I also wouldn't have to drive much in winter! I've been getting most things delivered and avoiding driving and being out as much as possible. I am really looking forward to spring though, and hopefully then going to stores again. Things are all frightfully expensive. Everything is going up so much! I'm trying to eat better, trying to do keto actually, but it can be expensive. I suppose that will help me cut back on how much I eat, as well as the carbs involved.
Work is frustrating, I feel like I'm always being asked to do things without anyone understanding what's involved. It's getting a bit much, but I applied on a higher level process so if I get into that pool, hopefully it will lead to a promotion and then I guess I can't complain if they ask too much of me. That is the difference really. I'm not at a level where I should be the go to for other managers to ask questions. It is nice to be needed, but also too much at times. My team is growing, we are hiring more people to do the work and it's my job to set up who will do what, and ensure they are trained.
We have a trip planned for May. I cannot wait. It's a cruise from Bayonne, we may drive. I currently have flights booked but may move those flights to something else, or who knows. We also have a cruise booked for August but I'm not sure if we'll do it or not. If we do, I may rebook it in a lower cabin to save some money. We'll see. Living through another winter here I would prefer to travel in winter and just stay home in summer, but you can't cruise to Bermuda in winter, and New York would be more fun in summer I think? Maybe any way. We could add a few days to the cruise in May in order to see New York some. Again, we'll see.
I'd still like to move as well, but there are some good things about here, the cost for the biggest thing. And all the space. But oh I need to declutter and redo somethings. I want to get rid of some of the furniture, replace a few things, just update it to what I would actually like. I did buy a new TV stand with an electric fireplace in it, and a bigger smart TV that I am loving. It's even controlled by voice which is crazy. I'd like to get rid of my couch, keep the loveseat and a comfy chair, maybe add a new chair in the modern style I like. Also the table and chairs, it's a nice set but we never really use it. I could maybe sell it and we have a small white table that was used as a desk, buy a couple new chairs and voila! All the places we are looking at moving to have islands and I'd just prefer to eat there than also have a table and chairs. So it would make sense. I'm waiting for spring. Once the weather improves it will hopefully be easier to clean up a few things, donate them maybe. I don't really know at this point, the thought of it all gets overwhelming. At least some things are looking better.
Although I have little choice in this any more, I am mostly ok with only have one child. Mostly but not completely. I have moments of grief, of regret, of wondering if it would still be possible. I can totally say I regret not moving forward when I was 41, regardless of what was going on. And that covid made travel so much harder so donor eggs became impossible for me too. I wish that right now I had two kids upstairs, or even sitting here with me. I wish that things were different. But I am also not sure I could do another round of elementary school. That place we horrible for him and me really. High school isn't proving to be that much better, but at least it's not as bad. And I have hope that it will improve when restrictions are lifted even more. I am 47 now. I know other women have had kids at this age or even older, but were they already menopausal? I haven't had a period since August 2019. There is no doubt my eggs are gone and my reproductive time is done. My son is 12, how much longer will he even be here with me? And then? I guess then I can do as I please, though what that will mean I have no idea.
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