Today is one of the rare times I am off work but school is still on. It's usually on November 11th for Remembrance Day but because that was on Saturday I have today instead. Normally I would attend the ceremonies at school, losing the morning to that. But they happened last Friday instead so I have the whole day to myself. I had planned to go see a movie but I think I'm going to stay home and watch some Netflix. I do have to fix my roots. After I bleached my hair blond, it is starting to grown back in so I picked up the supplies to fix it up. Hopefully it works out! I gave myself a hair cut on the weekend too. I googled how to do it, watched some videos and started cutting! I felt very brave, and I think it turned out really well. Though I did cut off more than I had planned.
It is strange to have the time to myself. I don't usually get this. And with no work to rush off to. Even in the summer when kiddo goes to my parent's place I have to go to work. I wish I had more days like this sometimes. But I also know that I am lucky to get so much time with my kid.
We were talking yesterday about having more people in our family. He said he would like to have a brother or sister, ideally older (of course lol). I was looking at adoption sites, he wanted to know what that was about, I explained, he said he wouldn't like that because they wouldn't really be part of the family. I explained more and then he was only concerned that the other child wouldn't look like him. We talked about the whole thing, he was snuggled beside me while watching TV and he said it wouldn't be good because there would be another child to share that with.
I am certain we will only remain a two person household. I am 42 now, and feel my age. We like to travel, it is easier to do with just us. With just us, I can be looking for a two bedroom place when I am able to buy. However that is perhaps still possible with another child. Money is tight, paying for daycare is a trial, even though he is only in before/after care and full time during certain breaks, it is going up. How would I possibly do that with another?
It is hard sometimes. I read about other women who have let go of their dream to meet someone and get married before having kids. I feel like I am letting go of my dream to have more kids. I know what's best for us, but it's still hard really. I wish I had done something sooner, I wish I had done it right away when he was two, I wish I had planned better, saved more, spent less. I wish a lot of things. But I don't regret my choices. I certainly don't regret the fun travel we've done. Our time on those trips is something he will remember forever (I hope).
So now here I am at home, binge watching TV, dreaming of having another baby, or going on way too many trips. I am certain of one thing, my life is not how I imagined it would be while I was growing up. Better or worse than the dream, I couldn't really say.
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