Happy Holidays

It's that time of year. When kiddo and I are home together for two weeks. And we try to find fun things to do when it gets super cold and I don't want to leave the house. Tonight will be a struggle, there will be a child who cannot sleep, much crying and carrying on. Tomorrow will hopefully be good. Though the kiddo also changed his mind on what Santa should bring two days ago... so that's going to end well I'm sure. I also managed to over spend, again, as I do every year. So we have not much money to do anything with. But sledding is free, if the snow keeps up. And we have some board games wrapped under the tree, so those will fill some time. I do wish I could fly some place warm, but not this year.

Tonight we are going to my sister's for a pizza dinner. She is picking up my parents so they can spend the few days with us. Dad can't drive even that far yet. Hopefully he is on the mend and will improve. But for now they are coming to my sister's house today and will go home on Boxing Day. We will probably go visit for a day somewhere along the break. Tomorrow is Christmas Dinner at my sister's as well. Yup, she has a bigger house and plays host. Plus I am not such a great house keeper and my parents are not allergic to my cats. We have carpet so it's never going to be really cat free, my sister has wood floors and only one cat. Any way. It works out in the end I think. We will open presents here then go over there in the afternoon.

I'm off work until January 7th which is great. We will be spending some time working on Jackson's anxiety or ADHD or whatever it is he has. I plan to take him to the doctor that first week back, since my doctor is off until then. He is finally agreeable to do that. He asks me why he gets to mad, and what we can do to help. I'm trying, he's resistant to any suggestion. I hope we will come up with some ideas that help over the holidays. I'd like him to try some simple yoga moves, meditation, perhaps some stress ball type toys and essential oils. Of course some of those things cost money I don't have right now. But we'll see what we can do! I also want to limit his xbox time dramatically. He seems to do ok when he uses his iPad but the xbox is a whole other level of issues. I fear he is getting stuck in certain reactions and it will be that much harder to get him to change those if they are so ingrained. Hopefully the new year will allow for some changes at school as well. He will have a new vice principal, who he met last week (says she is nice actually), and beyond that, I hope I can figure out how to help him interact with two of his teachers who have no patience for him. He has 4 teachers this year, his first block teacher is good, she is steady and seems to understand how to handle him. Second block is a nightmare, and to be honest, after speaking to the woman I am glad I don't have to spend time with her. She often sends him out to sit in the hall and work there. Alone. Because he is rude to her, and she doesn't like that. Never mind how she treats him. Third block is great, she is also the resource teacher and she is amazing. She actually checks on him in the other blocks when she knows he has trouble. He doesn't always tell her what's going on though. I hope he will take advantage of that relationship more. Then last block. He doesn't like her because she told me he could do better in class and needs to speak up more. I shouldn't have said anything to him, but didn't realize the storm that would brew. Now he is defiant with her because she "said mean things about him". working on that. I'll need to speak to her at some point, or go through the resource teacher for help.

It's all been a lot. But certainly has shown me that if I can handle this, and work through it, then perhaps I can handle a "special needs" adoption, to a certain level any way. Is it easier with my own flesh and blood? Perhaps, but kids need love. And I think that is something I can do. So I still intend to move forward with that, but not until April or May, and hopefully Jackson and I will have a better handle on his issues, and my own, so that we are able to grow our family. It would certainly be "easier" to simply go the donor egg/embryo route, but costly, and the age gap would be great, and I'm not entirely sure it would be any "easier" on Jackson to have a baby come home. I'm putting this out there, into the universe, because I think the universe will show me what I can handle and what we should do.

Last minute shopping is done, presents are all wrapped, plans are made, and snow is falling. Kiddo is watching Youtube, I'm not sure of the appeal, and I think I'll watch a movie or at least part of it while he is occupied. We go to my sisters later, and tomorrow is the big presents day.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and wish you a peaceful time.

Maybe adoption

Jackson has been doing marginally better at school. He still does not like his math teacher, and to be honest, after speaking to her, I'm not impressed either. Based on it being his worst class, and his complaints about not understanding what she wants him to do or why, I asked her to call me to explain what the purpose of the math exercises they are doing is, what is he supposed to be learning. So she called me, and started off with the fact he is rude to her. She doesn't set the curriculum, and if he has a problem answering the questions he should ask for help. Well I talked to him about it, and he says he does but she just tells him to read the question again. Based on talking to her, I know she doesn't like my son. No problem, people don't always like one another, I get it! I have people at work I don't really like either but as an adult I know I have to work with them so I behave politely! She on the other hand, being the adult, the teacher with (I assume) training in how to deal with students, chooses instead to punish him any time he asks questions or disagrees with her. I'm not impressed, and I called to speak with the VP. Not sure it's done any good. I trust they will contact me again in future, but it was very frustrating to me.

At this point in the school year it isn't like I can change schools, even waiting until the end of the year is tricky. He has friends there, changing for the sake of changing seems silly. But then again, he has had a few bad years. Grade 2 he had a flighty new teacher who was all about letting the kids sit where they wanted, and I don't think he actually learned anything. Grade 3 he started out good but ended up with a teacher who was terrible. We got through it and I didn't bring it up with the school because it was a few months left and I thought we'd just manage. Now I am regretting not bringing those concerns up at the time, since the school is now basically blaming him and not the situation. We shall see what happens I guess, I don't want to change schools (and daycares) but I will do what needs to be done for him.

We went to the Christmas party at school yesterday. We sat with another mom and her kids, Jackson plays with her older son in daycare. She is also a single mom, through adoption! She has 3 kids (9, 5 & 3), and is hoping to add a fourth. I was able to talk to her a bit about it, and I think it's something I'd like to investigate. I know I need to pay off some credit card debt, and clean up the house, perhaps get rid of some stuff. I am not sure what they would say about my 4 pets. But I can only start and see what happens. I am also not sure what Jackson would really think, or how his current issues could impact anything. I think I'd prefer to adopt an "older" child, age 2 to 6 I think. And I think I can say I'd prefer another boy? Not sure on that one. Based on legislation I believe I can take 61 weeks off for parental leave, I don't think I'd get a full top up from work but the first 30 weeks or so would be.

I have thought about it before but been scared to try, now, after talking to the other mom, perhaps it might not be as difficult as I thought. Maybe it could work. And I'd get what I want, a bigger family, while taking in a child who needs a home and love. Also giving Jackson a sibling. Someone to play with, and to grow up with, and to have when I am gone. I'll have some work to do. I think I will take a couple months to work on cleaning up the house, decluttering, and paying off some debt. Then get started and see where it goes! Come April my vacation bank is reset so I would have time available to take off for parenting courses and such.