Answers and more questions

Well summer vacation has arrived! School's done for another year, grade 4 is over. Jackson is excited that it's over, but worried about the day camps we have scheduled for this year. He is concerned about not knowing anyone in the new places, but I think he will do ok. I do know we'll have some problems but in small doses, he usually makes friends. At least he always does on our trips so I assume a week of camp will be the same.

I met with the school psychologist and she is sending me a written report. Basically he has ADHD and ODD, as well as high anxiety. She and the resource teacher will have discussions with his grade 5 teacher in the fall to ensure they are able to deal with him in a productive way, and he'll be tested further for "giftedness" because he did really well on the intelligence tests. All but one area which I know was because he shut down for that set of questions, he couldn't remember how to do it so rather than risk being wrong he simply wouldn't answer. I will also go to his family doctor and get him a referral to a psychologist so I can use my coverage and then find one who works with kids, and find the money and time to get him in to see them! Once I get that written report so they have a good starting point.

For the summer, after this "fun weekend" I have a book for him to work through on anxiety and a book to help him learn his times tables. I think he would do better in math if he had that memorized. I was considering getting one to help him learn cursive since they don't teach that any more, but I don't want to put too much on him. His reading is a few levels above where he needs to be, but his penmanship is bad. I think we'll work on his anxiety and help him learn some ways to calm down, and hopefully that will lessen the other problems.

I guess his diagnosis explains a lot about his behaviour. There are still some things I find strange, and difficult to deal with. Hopefully seeing someone will help us both. He tends to get obsessed with things and can't think about anything else. I know I do that at time as well but I have learned to deal with it. He needs to learn to control his temper, and to pick  up on social queues from others. Without taking it all so personally. Or blaming everyone else.

I am super excited for the summer, especially the time off in August, and the trip to Disney. We got the fast passes I wanted, and other than paying it off, are all set! I have started some workouts, on top of the walks I've been doing with the dog, trying to get my steps in. I am trying to watch what I eat, keto would be ideal but is hard to follow on a very tight budget, so I do my best.

When we go back to it in the fall I will be looking for a new position. I am not happy where I am, all because of the boss. My manager is so frustrating, she is rude and some of the things she says, the way she handles situations, could be seen as abusive. She has already driven multiple people from the project. It sucks because the location is awesome for me. One of my colleagues has spoken to the union about her already. It is a shame when one person ruins things for others. She is on vacation in two weeks, so I just need to make it to then and it will be a break. Maybe that will help? I'm not sure. I am kind of at a point where I don't feel I should have to put up with this type of treatment.

I think my new car gave me new ideas. I feel like I finally got the car I want, so I should get all the things I want. I'm changing banks, which is a lot of work and timing, because my bank raised my monthly fees, so now I'll be switching to one that has no fees. It's a pain but it will be better in the end. I am trying to get rid of stuff in the house, clean it up, and still hoping to move. Even though it will cost more, the house it self will be what I want, open and the right size, nice finishes, just more what I want. I do not want to buy, homes keep going up and up, and what I want is now much more expensive than it was. I know I can't afford it and I'm not sure I care. I am actually considering that instead I'd prefer to buy a cottage. There are a few cottage "resorts" around that have places at reasonable prices. We could spend weekends all from spring through fall, and at least a few weeks in the summer there. I am sure he'd make friends. I can take the dog, and the cats for those times we spend longer. But maybe if we have a nice home I won't want to? I guess we'll see.

The game console test

I took away the xbox completely for a week in mid-May. It was taken away and put in a box in the basement. He was calmer, and after the week I let him have it back upstairs. But with strictly limited time to use it, and the threat of putting it away again. I was supposed to take away all his devices for 3 weeks, but after the one day he couldn't have his tablet when he completely lost it and threatened me, and himself, I relented and allowed him to keep the tablet but with less time on it.

He would use it on the weekend for a little, maybe an hour or two playing with friends. Things were going better, we watch shows together in the evening, we talk, he's been playing outside with friends.

The past few days I have let him play a particular game (not the one that I think cause so many problems before) and today it was too much. The game wasn't doing what he wanted and he lost him temper, ending with him throwing the controller into the kitchen where the back came off, the batteries scattered and much yelling and name calling ensued. He told me I had to find the piece that he can't, though I am not the one who threw it nor the one who caused the tantrum. I was bearing the brunt of it though. Called many names, and generally spoken to in a rude manner.

So no more machine today, and likely not tomorrow either. I wish he'd go out and play but his friends are away for the day so there's no one to play with, and his other friends live further away and aren't allowed to go out riding bikes without parents.

I'm sure we'll have a rough afternoon now, but he's upstairs in his room to calm down.

My thoughts now are he still isn't ready to play on the machine. And I'd like it to go in the basement again. It probably will when holidays start, because it ruined last summer for us and I won't let that happen again.

I do have a meeting with the school psychologist on Monday to hear the results of his assessment, and see what plans might be put in place for grade 5. From there, we'll see what happens!

What's been going on

We've had a bit of a rough time. I ended up putting the Xbox away, and he hasn't been allowed to play much more than an hour a week or less since. He is still on his tablet an awful lot, but he also is just generally being much more agreeable and we are getting along better. School seems to be going better, right before the year wraps up. That is good news, he is even getting along with his math teacher! Which I never thought would happen. She is leaving at the end of the school year though, which is too bad. Now. It takes Jackson awhile to warm up to teachers and get along.

After all the struggle, the school psychologist evaluated him. I have a meeting Monday the 25th to get the results. After the extra questions she had for me I suspect they think he's at least mildly autistic. I'll find out details at the meeting I guess. I would say I suspect he has some problems, obviously, but he speaks well, is intelligent and has friends at school. He is just lacking some social maturity, and he needs some help with learning a few things.

The changes since taking away the damn box have been remarkable though. It's amazing. I have my kid back. If we hadn't had such a rough year with his behaviour, I probably would have found a way to have another baby. But when everything was so hard, I just didn't see how I could deal with the language, the violent behaviour, the trouble, and be pregnant or have a newborn. I know that I will have regrets because of this, the whole thing. I feel like I should have noticed something sooner with Jackson's behaviour, gotten him help earlier. I should have had another child much sooner, and should have done so many things differently.

As it stands, we have trips booked for August, March and December 2020. The March trip I am debating cancelling, even though I will lose the deposit, and even though I want to go. It's going to be a pricey trip, and we are maybe going to move, I'm not sure we can afford to do it all.

We are going to Disney at the end of August, and I can't wait. It will be a great trip, even though the new Star Wars land is opening and will impact the crowds. We will be able to do all the rides, check out the water parks, and try some new things. I had hoped to lose some weight before we go, but as we are not at 70 days, and I haven't, I'm thinking it won't happen. But my step counts have been good and I think that will be helpful for this trip. I do have some time left to try and lose more, just not sure it will happen.

As for moving, there are some new places being built right beside his school. They are rentals, and there are not too many being built with garages, but they are going to be very nice. And new, with nice features. Probably cost more than I am paying now. But I am so tempted to move. It would be downsizing, the places are smaller than this one. Which is honestly more house than we need. And the backyard is so much work. The new places have a balcony and a small front yard, but no backyard. They are right beside the park though, and places to walk the dog. With the downsizing we have a lot to get rid of. But I was planning to do that any way, try and sell some items, including a lot of toys. Since I have no future baby there is no need to keep a lot of the things. The town home I'm looking at has 2 bedrooms, which is all we need. They do have some 3-bedroom places as well, but they will cost more. Might be nice? Not sure. We'll see. Either way, they are smaller than this home.

Work has been truly frustrating. My boss is just horrible, and the project is all over the place. I am not sure I can see it working well in the end, which is really annoying. I am not sure what to do. But since I have about 7 weeks until my summer vacation I am trying to wait until that is over and I get back to find something new. I have done a little amount of looking but nothing too much. And she goes on vacation before me, so I really only have 4 weeks left of dealing with her, and struggling to try and get things improved on the project.

In happier news, I got a new car and I love it. It's tangerine orange, a Kona, and it is super cute. I just feel happy when I see it and drive it. I am so glad I got it. Still about the same payments I had on the last one, insurance came down, and the mileage is great. Very happy to have the new car. It's smaller than the last one too, so will hopefully fit better in the garage.