This year

 I know there are a lot of jokes and memes floating around about 2020, I mean this year has been so crazy. Usually, I am ok with it all. I mean I have a bit of worry about what we'd do if I got sick, or if he did, and in the beginning about how expensive everything suddenly became, but we made it through that part and are somewhat settled. I try and see the good parts, I love being able to work from home, and I think it's been good for him to be not in school for a little while. But then, something will trigger this overwhelming "ugh" moment for me and I will feel like crying about the whole situation. I miss the things we should have been doing this summer, he was supposed to be trying out new summer camps, we were supposed to have season passes for the local water park. Now, we've gone to the beach once, and will be going to a museum this week but otherwise we haven't really gone anywhere or done much. I feel badly that I haven't been able to do as much as we did last year, we haven't been able to go swimming or to the beach we like (it's closed this summer any way) and even little day trips haven't happened because of so many restrictions.

This virus, it scares me, and it amazes me how quickly the world has changed. I feel resentful that I can't do things I want to do, that we can't plan trips for this winter, and we can't even just decide to go swimming and play at the pools. I am sad that things have changed in so many ways, and scared about what school holds for this fall. At least in that regard I am (so far) satisfied with my decision to send him, the board has about 25% of kids that won't be going to class so I am hoping his group will be smaller. I hope that we will feel like it's safe, and not want to pull him back to online. If I'm honest, we could use a little break from one another. It's been a long 6 months of just us, with a few breaks where he has spent a night at my parent's. He is going for 3 nights this weekend and is already worrying about it. I am looking forward to it, as much as I love my kiddo, I am an introvert by nature and look forward to alone time. 

He's been staying up late, we go to bed at the same time so I don't get time then. During the week, I get up first but I have to work, so it isn't like I can just watch something fun for me. I do get some time after dinner sometimes (like today) when he's either playing online with friends or going to the park with them. I prefer when he goes to the park, but I'll take either option. Weekends, I am probably up after him. I feel like I have not been getting enough sleep at all. I think once school starts, he'll be going to bed earlier. I hope so. 

Once school is sorted, or at least started, I will have to consider work. I am not happy with my job, the work itself that I currently have is irritating to me, it is not something I enjoy and not what I want to be doing. I will have to find a way to get a new position, without being able to just go walk up to people I know and chat with them. I'm sure I can do it, I really want to get back to projects, I prefer it a lot. I am also good at it, good at writing for projects. I just hope I can find something. 

I am feeling down this evening, probably tired from a long night, he woke up with a bad dream and I had to sit with him for about 2 hours in the middle of the night. So I'm tired. Doesn't help the situation. I am also wondering about travelling. We miss it, we went to Disney last summer and it was so nice. I can't wait to go back, but not until the mess is over in the US. I also want to cruise, but don't see that happening. I am wondering if it will be at all possible to go to an all inclusive, we never have, and winter is going to be long. But we won't go if it isn't safe of course. And if we do go, it will have to be somewhere with a lot to do for him. But then too, a trip may mean we can't move.

And speaking of the moving, I keep thinking we should stay here another two years, save enough to buy something. Something small. Instead of renting. I don't know. Buying will be very expensive, prices have gone up so much in only a few years, two more years could be difficult. But I'd have my debts paid off by then and hopefully enough for a down payment. But buying comes with so much responsibility, and having to maintain things. I'm sure we can find something that isn't too much work.