Time is a strange thing this year. It goes super fast at times, yet seems to be moving like a snail. I'm sure it's a covid side effect. With restrictions coming and going, school not happening really, and work the same, day after day. I am trying to stay positive, sometimes it's really hard. I know that when winter arrives it is going to get even harder. At least now we can go for walks, enjoy some sunshine. Once the snow starts, it will be harder to get out, at least for me. I haven't been that great about getting out for walks this past week. I have, what I hope, is a cold. I have no idea where I caught it, but I was exhausted for a couple days and Jackson had to fall asleep on his own. First time since he was about 3 or 4 he's done that. He was really good at it up until he started school. Then I had to sit with him until he fell sleep every night. Which has now been going on for so many years I've lost track. Now, finally, he's going to sleep on his own. Which means I can go to bed when I am tired! I don't have to wait for him to feel sleepy. He can stay up and watch his videos or whatever and I can be asleep. Its a game changer. He is a night owl, through and through. I am not, not when I have to be at work at 7. He had a rough few nights at first, staying up until 2 or 4, and sleeping until 11 or whenever. But he's back on schedule now. Last night he was asleep just after 11. Still feels late to me, but for a weekend, its ok.
He has been doing some math work, and realizing it isn't as bad as he thought it would be. He knew how to do the problems so he was happy about that. It only takes 10 or 15 minutes a day and he is learning a lot of other stuff as well. On his own. I would like him to do some reading comprehension as well, but we'll see if he's game for that tomorrow. I am not too worried about it, which perhaps isn't a very mothery thing to say, but I know he will learn what he needs to learn.
One thing I am trying to cling to in all of this, I love being able to work from home. Though I do not care for my current job, I know opportunities will come up eventually should I want to seek them. And the ability to be home is amazing. Not having to drive to work, deal with people, winter driving, pay for parking, all of that is awesome. I have a space set up, finally, and can shut it all off at the end of the day. I am not sure where we will fit in the Christmas tree this year but I am sure we will manage something. I do still need to declutter the basement so maybe some of the toys can go down there, even if only for December. I do think we'll need a new tree this year. I'd love to get a smaller one, or perhaps a narrow one? Not sure, but the one we have is older than kiddo and the cats have destroyed a few branches from sleeping in it. I am sure they'll do that to another one as well, but perhaps if it is narrow we'll manage to keep it up and not broken.
Kiddo will be 11 soon. Hard to imagine. I so regret not trying to give him a sibling way back when. I had chances but always thought this one thing would have to be perfect first, either my weight, or buying a house instead of renting. Whatever it was, I missed my chances. I am out of luck now it seems, apparently my family goes through menopause early so I'd have to spend a small fortune on the chance. And it sucks because if I had done this when he was 2 or 3, or even 6 or 7, I would have had to spend a little bit. I think we would have a better time of it now if we had another person around. He would certainly be a great big brother, he can be super caring and thoughtful. His temper tends to get in the way of things a lot. But even that is getting a bit better to deal with. Given the money I'd need to do donor eggs it would take at least another year, and after that, a year before a baby, and so kiddo would be 13. That's a really big age gap. And means a baby would be 8 to 10 when I am able to retire. Would that be good? Maybe. But I'd also have spent a lot of money so close to when I want to retire, which wouldn't be good. Though I also have a really good pension plan so does it really matter? Having to pay for a child with only pension income might be hard. But I could also do some consultant work, a lot of people that retire from my employer do that after. Lots to consider. But either way, I need the money to do it. Which I could have next year as I'll be getting a bunch of back pay. So yeah. I could maybe do it? 6-ish months to decide I guess.
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