Winter Sadness

I don't like winter. Even ones like this year where we didn't get snow until very late, and the weather hasn't been that bad. I have a hard time and used to get depressed a lot. It has been almost 7 years since my last bad winter. I think last year would have been bad if we hadn't gone on our trip. With that in mind we will be going away next February. This year we are going in May and I guess it is too late really. It will be an awesome trip, but it's still over 3 months away!

I have been feeling down. I haven't felt like this since before I had kiddo. I guess I haven't been taking my vitamin D or anything lately. I have started that at least. Hopefully it will help a bit. Work is going to be more interesting for a couple weeks as well, I will be taking over for someone on vacation and doing something a little more challenging than I normally do. Hopefully that helps as well. I feel like I haven't been the best mom lately. I get short tempered, and long for alone time. Which is not good with a kiddo running around.

Last night they had a movie night at the school. It's free,you can order pizza or buy snacks, but I didn't have any cash. Never seem to have actual cash! Money in the bank but not in my purse... Any way. Jackson really wanted to go and I did not. I had actually forgotten about it but of course he had not. We went, I was cranky. I didn't have any desire to see the movie, he doesn't actually like movies, but we went. And he ran around the gym where they showed the movie. It was so loud, so many children running around, so few actually watching the movie! But he was happy so I am glad we went even though it was difficult for me.

My birthday is tomorrow. I turn 41. And I wonder about what my life is. I am trying to be happy with what we have. We rent a nice place with a landlord that fixes things pretty quickly. He replaced the washing machine within a week when it broke. I wish we could be living in something we (or the bank) owns, but until we sign a new contract at work it won't happen. We are travelling. We did the trip last year that was so awesome. This year we are going on a 4 night cruise and 3 nights at Disney. I can't wait, we are trying a different cruise line but I think it will be good too, and I am hoping to do more. I love cruising because everything is included. Well for us since I don't drink, and we are happy with the drinks that are included. I also love waking up in a new place every day or two, seeing different beaches, different countries, different everything! I still get to sit and relax while he's being taken care of by the kids club, and he has fun meeting new kids from other places.

I am trying to brighten my mood. The last time I was able to use some cognitive stuff to help, so I am trying that again, and my vitamin D. I know exercise, and eating better, would help as well. I am going to start my Walking in the morning, I do indoor videos to start usually. It makes me feel better to move, but I tend to fall off the wagon and get lazy. I have been doing a lower carb thing the past week. It gets a little pricey sometimes, if I don't pay attention to sales. But I feel so much better when I follow it, and it helps I usually lose a few pounds too. I add in extra carbs for Jackson but I think he does better eating more vegetables and proteins too. Though he may disagree... since he loves his rice, pasta and french fries! But he is good about veggies and now that we have had a discussion about how frozen veggies in winter are what we can afford (why is cauliflower $6!) he is willing to eat them. So that helps.

We have an SMC get together next weekend and I really want to go. But I also just want to stay home. I think it is good for Jackson that we go, even though he is a little over it since there seem to be more "babies" there now. I like that he sees other families made up like ours. Of course many of them now have a second, are expecting a second (in one case expecting twins after a singleton!) and with the new little babies, it all just makes me come home saying I need to have another baby. But I'm 41. Or I will be in 6 hours any way :-)  How did I let so much time pass? I should be watching two kids, or three, play on the floor right now, instead of one little boy who is my life and so amazing. He is pretty awesome. I love him. And I want to be better for him.