It's Saturday. Jackson slept in, I slept in more. We've had breakfast. Now what? His days are mostly the same no matter what day of the week it is. He refuses to do school work or leave the house so he plays video games, watches Youtube, bounces around with his soft soccer ball. Eats snacks, and that's about it! In the evening we turn on Disney + and watch Clone Wars or whatever other Star Wars shows he wants. But my days are different. During the week I have to work, and so sit at the table with my laptop for 8 hours or more. Between providing snacks of course. I take the dog for walks, usually in the early afternoon for a work break, and after dinner. Except part of this week because it's been so cold and rainy.
Now it's the weekend. I can go watch something on TV, take the dog for an extra walk. I should be cleaning up the backyard and the leaves in the front, but our rake broke last fall and I didn't replace it. Now that purchase is a process, place the order, wait for the call to pick it up, sit in a line up of cars getting curbside delivery. I should do this of course, I do need the take after all, but life was so much easier when I could just go to the store and buy one! I'd have gone yesterday. Oh well. It's supposed to rain again tomorrow so I will wait a few more days.
I hate lawn care, I am scared of the lawn mower so I use a weed wacker type thing, and a push reel mower, but neither does the best job. I have been looking at electric mowers, like with a battery. There is one on air miles I could get, wouldn't have to pay for it! But then my air miles are all gone and I will have to start saving them again, which is harder now that things are slowed down. Not that I can go anywhere any ways. But I was hoping for that December trip to still be a thing, and might have used some for the hotel night before the cruise. Maybe.
Now Jackson also wants a switch, he is obsessed with that Animal Crossing game, I don't know why. Of course you can't get it for Xbox so he wants a switch. I am not wanting to spend $400 on that! I will consider saving up some optimum points, maybe in another month or two I can afford to use those to get it for half price or something, but honestly, it's more likely to be Christmas before I could. And do we need a second gaming machine? Honestly? I don't see why. He has a lap top now too after getting that back from my parents. I'm just not feeling it. So I will attempt to push him off and hopefully he will get over it and move on to something else. Two weeks ago it was a basketball net.
It's kind of funny, in my normal life, I don't do a lot on the weekend, get groceries, clean the house a bit, do laundry. But now that I can't do anything, I want to. I want to be able to take him swimming again, to go to the park and watch him play basketball with his friends. Walk the dog, ride my bike. Ok, maybe not ride the bike, I need a padded seat before I do that again :-) Now with nothing to do, I worry and stress and make plans that will probably never happen. I have already made a list of lunches and dinners for the next week, he gets to choose from the list so he can't complain or make a problem.
I'd like to diet, to exercise, to lose 50 lbs before life reopens (not a realistic goal of course) but when it comes down to follow through, I lose it, I can't do it. I get into a funk and fall apart, want to just have naps and read books and start at screens. I am aware of my own anxiety and depression tendencies, I recognize it when it comes over me. I know when I need to force myself to move and do things. I also know the things I need to say to myself, to talk myself back into living a bit.
This weekend will be another boring one I guess. I should trim the hair on the dog's ears, he keeps getting them in his food. The cats all need their nails cut. The weather today promises to be nice so I will walk the dog, though avoiding people while doing that can be a bit tricky. I will cook whatever meals the boy wants. He had thought we could do a pretend cruise day, one of his friends did it with Disney so Jackson thought a cruise day would be fun. But apparently now he doesn't think it's a good idea. We'll see if I can pull something like that off, maybe tomorrow when it's rainy and I won't want to go anywhere. If only I had been able to find the ice cream he likes at the store. And who knows, maybe later today I will cave and buy that rake so I can clean up the yard.
Saturday, April 25, 2020
Tuesday, April 21, 2020
The curve, work and frustration
Apparently my province has reached it's peak. So what happens next? Do we gradually reopen things and get back to living? Do we remain in this locked down state for another month? or two? or more? Do schools go back soon? Or not until the fall. I am a planner so this uncertainty is frustrating me. It's worse than simply giving a date that is some far off thing. At least then I could make a plan. No plan leaves me feeling un-anchored, and drifting a bit. I am moving forward under a few assumptions, school will not reopen until September, I will be working from home until then, and once things start to get back to normal it will be back to the way things were eventually. That last one is probably in doubt but I am going to believe it.
Work is frustrating, I had not been in the position long when this all came about and have not had a chance to really get a grip on all the pieces of it. So my boss asks me questions I have no answers to, yet I am expected to. I rely heavily on my team, and trust that they are doing what needs to be done. I expect when this is over I will be looking for a different position though, I think I need something a little less anxiety inducing.
I was able to see my parents and sister this past weekend, we met in a grocery store parking lot half way between us. I was picking up my old lap top for Jackson, my dad had fixed it. They had also bought him a bunch of fruit, 3 types of apples, pears and plums, as well as some other snacks. He has been eating a lot of apples everyday. Groceries have been more expensive than they were before, mostly because I can't shop sales like I did. But we are getting by. It is a shift from school lunches though, and one that is frustrating to me, what he would take in a lunch bag he won't eat at home. Before this is all over I have told him we will do a test run day. One day he will pretend I am not home and have to do everything for himself as though I am at work. So we can see if he will be able to stay home at all this summer alone, should that even be an option or possibility.
I am online a lot, perhaps too much. So many people frustrate me so much. There seem to be two camps, those who believe we won't go anywhere until a vaccine is available and those who believe this is all a hoax and we should be getting back to life. The vaccine people actually bother me most, they seem to think we are in isolation to avoid getting this ever, and forget that this was about "flattening the curve" so that hospitals could manage. We will never remain hidden from this forever, we will not be able to avoid living until a vaccine is found. Eventually, the majority of people will get this. We are doing it slowly, so health care can help those who have the bad reactions. I believe until we have testing to see who has actually had it, not just those who are symptomatic and have been tested because of that, we won't have a fulsome picture of it's spread or see the end.
So while I am on one hand scared to get this because I am it for my son, if I cannot make his meals and take care of the house, feed the pets, all of that stuff, then no one will. So if I get sick and it is bad, we are screwed. If he gets it, I am sure he will recover in short order. And on the other hand, perhaps I will be one who has mild or no symptoms. Maybe I already had it, I had some cold like symptoms and tummy issues when we first got locked down, but perhaps that was just stress. Or allergies. Or who the heck knows.
I am planning to be able to travel again, I have two cruises booked in early December and the worst case scenario is we will lose those deposits. I expect that by the time we are supposed to pay in full, we will have a better idea of what is going on and timelines. Best case, we will go away for two weeks and have an amazing time as we always do on cruises. Middle case, we'll have to cancel and reschedule things for another time. I do not expect this to be years in the future, maybe one year? I should perhaps feel bad because I will take him out of school for two weeks. But to be honest, I don't really care any more. He has been doing nothing of his school work, and I am so tired of fighting about it. He'll survive, he'll manage, he'll either figure out that I was right and buckle down, or he'll do something else with his life and it won't matter.
We will live life now though, and enjoy it, because who knows what might happen in the future. This "novel" virus, I am sure it's not the last one we'll have to deal with. Humans have been hell bent on destroying the planet, I am sure it's a matter of time before the planet throws something else at us.
Work is frustrating, I had not been in the position long when this all came about and have not had a chance to really get a grip on all the pieces of it. So my boss asks me questions I have no answers to, yet I am expected to. I rely heavily on my team, and trust that they are doing what needs to be done. I expect when this is over I will be looking for a different position though, I think I need something a little less anxiety inducing.
I was able to see my parents and sister this past weekend, we met in a grocery store parking lot half way between us. I was picking up my old lap top for Jackson, my dad had fixed it. They had also bought him a bunch of fruit, 3 types of apples, pears and plums, as well as some other snacks. He has been eating a lot of apples everyday. Groceries have been more expensive than they were before, mostly because I can't shop sales like I did. But we are getting by. It is a shift from school lunches though, and one that is frustrating to me, what he would take in a lunch bag he won't eat at home. Before this is all over I have told him we will do a test run day. One day he will pretend I am not home and have to do everything for himself as though I am at work. So we can see if he will be able to stay home at all this summer alone, should that even be an option or possibility.
I am online a lot, perhaps too much. So many people frustrate me so much. There seem to be two camps, those who believe we won't go anywhere until a vaccine is available and those who believe this is all a hoax and we should be getting back to life. The vaccine people actually bother me most, they seem to think we are in isolation to avoid getting this ever, and forget that this was about "flattening the curve" so that hospitals could manage. We will never remain hidden from this forever, we will not be able to avoid living until a vaccine is found. Eventually, the majority of people will get this. We are doing it slowly, so health care can help those who have the bad reactions. I believe until we have testing to see who has actually had it, not just those who are symptomatic and have been tested because of that, we won't have a fulsome picture of it's spread or see the end.
So while I am on one hand scared to get this because I am it for my son, if I cannot make his meals and take care of the house, feed the pets, all of that stuff, then no one will. So if I get sick and it is bad, we are screwed. If he gets it, I am sure he will recover in short order. And on the other hand, perhaps I will be one who has mild or no symptoms. Maybe I already had it, I had some cold like symptoms and tummy issues when we first got locked down, but perhaps that was just stress. Or allergies. Or who the heck knows.
I am planning to be able to travel again, I have two cruises booked in early December and the worst case scenario is we will lose those deposits. I expect that by the time we are supposed to pay in full, we will have a better idea of what is going on and timelines. Best case, we will go away for two weeks and have an amazing time as we always do on cruises. Middle case, we'll have to cancel and reschedule things for another time. I do not expect this to be years in the future, maybe one year? I should perhaps feel bad because I will take him out of school for two weeks. But to be honest, I don't really care any more. He has been doing nothing of his school work, and I am so tired of fighting about it. He'll survive, he'll manage, he'll either figure out that I was right and buckle down, or he'll do something else with his life and it won't matter.
We will live life now though, and enjoy it, because who knows what might happen in the future. This "novel" virus, I am sure it's not the last one we'll have to deal with. Humans have been hell bent on destroying the planet, I am sure it's a matter of time before the planet throws something else at us.
Sunday, April 12, 2020
Easter 2020
Our normal Easter is with my parents, normally a big dinner with family, lots of talking and laughing. Today was different. Kiddo woke up at 4 AM and did manage to go back to sleep (thanks to Kit Kat who snuggled with him), and then got up at 7. He found the few Easter eggs I had hidden around the house, ate a lot of candy, and I went back to bed! I really overslept, and got up in time for lunch. Around 4 we did a group face time chat with my parents, my sister and her house, and my niece. It was nice to see everyone, and chat.
After the chat I made dinner, ribs and pasta for the boy, some stuff from the freezer for me. It was good, nothing special. All the days seem to blur together now so it's hard to say really that it was special or not. Everyday is pretty much the same, except the ones I have to work from 7 to 3:30. Which is a few days away again.
The animals enjoy us being home, the cats like to sleep near us, the dog is happy to not be confined all the time. I wonder how long it will last. But I wonder how long this will last for many reasons. I am fully expecting to not go back to the office until at least September. Even if I can go in to work, will there be daycamps available for the summer? And will I be able to afford them now, everything just keeps getting more expensive. I have people say they just moved their gas budget over to pay extra for groceries, great but my gas budget is about $30 every two week as it is, that isn't making up the difference in grocery costs.
Oh well, we'll manage. I am thankful I have a job still, am getting paid, and have options for how to proceed. If my child wasn't quite so picky when it comes to meals I would be much happier. Where did I go wrong there... At least we are still eating. I am eating too much, it is really hard to stick to a diet at all. Exercise is hard to do as well, I have the time but lack the motivation, and the weather is still cool. I am trying to keep active, hopefully the weather will improve, and if I have until September, perhaps I will be able to really get in shape and lost weight.
Jackson commented yesterday that he wishes he could go to school. What a change that is, but really he wants to be able to play with his friends more than anything else. He misses them and the games they played. Hopefully things will lighten up eventually. I know, I see the meme's, we aren't being asked to go to war or anything, just to stay home.
I am concerned about the trip I have booked for December, hopeful we will be able to go, but realistic that it probably won't happen. I have two back up cruises in mind for December 2021 instead, options to look at once I know better what's going on and when life will return to new normal.
And so it goes. Easter is over, candy is eaten. We remain at home, and the family will get together when this is all over, hopefully before Thanksgiving.
After the chat I made dinner, ribs and pasta for the boy, some stuff from the freezer for me. It was good, nothing special. All the days seem to blur together now so it's hard to say really that it was special or not. Everyday is pretty much the same, except the ones I have to work from 7 to 3:30. Which is a few days away again.
The animals enjoy us being home, the cats like to sleep near us, the dog is happy to not be confined all the time. I wonder how long it will last. But I wonder how long this will last for many reasons. I am fully expecting to not go back to the office until at least September. Even if I can go in to work, will there be daycamps available for the summer? And will I be able to afford them now, everything just keeps getting more expensive. I have people say they just moved their gas budget over to pay extra for groceries, great but my gas budget is about $30 every two week as it is, that isn't making up the difference in grocery costs.
Oh well, we'll manage. I am thankful I have a job still, am getting paid, and have options for how to proceed. If my child wasn't quite so picky when it comes to meals I would be much happier. Where did I go wrong there... At least we are still eating. I am eating too much, it is really hard to stick to a diet at all. Exercise is hard to do as well, I have the time but lack the motivation, and the weather is still cool. I am trying to keep active, hopefully the weather will improve, and if I have until September, perhaps I will be able to really get in shape and lost weight.
Jackson commented yesterday that he wishes he could go to school. What a change that is, but really he wants to be able to play with his friends more than anything else. He misses them and the games they played. Hopefully things will lighten up eventually. I know, I see the meme's, we aren't being asked to go to war or anything, just to stay home.
I am concerned about the trip I have booked for December, hopeful we will be able to go, but realistic that it probably won't happen. I have two back up cruises in mind for December 2021 instead, options to look at once I know better what's going on and when life will return to new normal.
And so it goes. Easter is over, candy is eaten. We remain at home, and the family will get together when this is all over, hopefully before Thanksgiving.
Friday, April 10, 2020
Not so epic anything
This time of isolation and social distancing is starting to cause my anxiety to soar, and my stress levels to go rather high. I admit I may have taken some of it out on the boy. I yelled at him at lunch time when he didn't want what I offered. Mind you, he is incredibly picky and with shopping being difficult he can't keep it up. I got fed up, I made two lists. The first is all the lunches we have available for the next week, he can tell me what he wants instead of saying "what do we have?" and then refusing what I tell him we have. I also told him to put things on the list of what he wants for lunches, so when I go to the store I can hopefully get what he wants and will eat. I also made a list for dinners, with the caveat he has to tell me the day before because some of it has to be thawed to be cooked. So tomorrow we are having pork chops and rice.
Easter is coming, it is a little bit sad. I am used to being with family, sometimes we have a meal with my parents and one with my sister. This year we can't do either one. So I suggested we have a group facetime chat. Hopefully it goes well! It will be nice to at least "see" everyone. We are having ribs for dinner, Jackson's choice. Not sure I will have them or not, but we'll see.
I am lucky I was able to get the ribs at the store Thursday. There was a lengthy line up to get into the store, an explanation by a worker before we went in, and of course social distancing. I had planned on two stores due to the various sales, groceries have been a little expensive and I was trying to save money. Sadly I didn't do as planned, and ended up spending more than I should have. That seems to be par for the course lately. I shouldn't need to go back for a week though. I didn't get eggs, but hopefully we will manage without them! Otherwise I will have to go somewhere and get eggs and maybe a loaf of bread.
Work has been very busy, and very irritating. I am having a hard time balancing making sure Jackson does what he should, getting my own work done, and learning the job at the same time. It's new and I am not good at it. I believe I have the option to stop working from home because I have kiddo to look after, the problem is I don't want to cause problems for the rest of the team, and I don't want to be overly bored. Nor do I want this held against me if I want to work from home on PD days or snow days at some point in the future. It is very different though, one day a month versus months on end. And I do think this will be months on end. I am fairly certain this will go on longer than May.
School at home has been a disaster, he refuses to do it, tells me I don't respect what he wants to do... I don't even know how to manage this right now, I am just so frustrated and tired. I wish I could have the time to focus on helping him but the work is so busy. I need to be able to spend an hour a day at least with him. I don't really care if we are learning what his teachers have for him to learn, as long as he is learning age appropriate things that will help him in the future.
My diet and exercise are difficult. I have been walking the dog two or three times a day, unless it's cold and yucky like today, then it was only once. My knees and hips ache, I am feeling old (and fat). It is helpful to get out and move, the walks help me break up the day and work. But they certainly aren't enough to help me lose weight. I have been eating more than I should, still. I changed my plan so I don't get the fit points added on, so it's just daily and weekly points, but I am sure I really eat more of them than I should. Part of it is the anxiety, I get upset, and eat. I worry, I eat. Kiddo drives me nuts, I eat.
I am sometimes glad I don't have more kids during this time, it would be a lot to manage. But perhaps it would be better? Maybe having someone to play with would help the boy. I can't imagine having to go get groceries with a little one along though. They want to limit it to one person, but aren't enforcing it. I can't imagine how single parents would manage with little babies, I know there are grocery deliveries and even pick up options, but both are hard to come by right now. The local stores where you can order online and pick up are two weeks ahead, how do you manage that? You can only have one order placed at a time, so you can only get stuff every two weeks, and can't change your order in some cases. When Jackson was on milk we went through 2+ bags of milk a week! He wouldn't drink it frozen, so I'd have to be buying 5 bags every two weeks, and hoping for good expiry dates. Right now it's also hard to find certain things in stores, there are empty places on shelves. I managed to get a 24 pack of TP, which is great, should last a few weeks! But other things are missing, including a large number of cleaning products.
I trust and hope that at the end of this, life returns to somewhat normal. I can't imagine it will be the same, I think everything is changing. I really hope I will be able to cruise again, I hope we will be able to go back to Disney, to go to Universal, and Seaworld, Perhaps an All Inclusive at some point. And to see Canada, from coast to coast. I want to see things, to do things, to not be stuck at home. Yet, if I'm honest, I like being home, if I wasn't for having to take care of the boy this would be not so bad. I worry if I get sick, how will he be taken care of? He can't cook, he won't be able to feed and water the pets. No matter what, I have to be able to take care of him.
Easter is coming, it is a little bit sad. I am used to being with family, sometimes we have a meal with my parents and one with my sister. This year we can't do either one. So I suggested we have a group facetime chat. Hopefully it goes well! It will be nice to at least "see" everyone. We are having ribs for dinner, Jackson's choice. Not sure I will have them or not, but we'll see.
I am lucky I was able to get the ribs at the store Thursday. There was a lengthy line up to get into the store, an explanation by a worker before we went in, and of course social distancing. I had planned on two stores due to the various sales, groceries have been a little expensive and I was trying to save money. Sadly I didn't do as planned, and ended up spending more than I should have. That seems to be par for the course lately. I shouldn't need to go back for a week though. I didn't get eggs, but hopefully we will manage without them! Otherwise I will have to go somewhere and get eggs and maybe a loaf of bread.
Work has been very busy, and very irritating. I am having a hard time balancing making sure Jackson does what he should, getting my own work done, and learning the job at the same time. It's new and I am not good at it. I believe I have the option to stop working from home because I have kiddo to look after, the problem is I don't want to cause problems for the rest of the team, and I don't want to be overly bored. Nor do I want this held against me if I want to work from home on PD days or snow days at some point in the future. It is very different though, one day a month versus months on end. And I do think this will be months on end. I am fairly certain this will go on longer than May.
School at home has been a disaster, he refuses to do it, tells me I don't respect what he wants to do... I don't even know how to manage this right now, I am just so frustrated and tired. I wish I could have the time to focus on helping him but the work is so busy. I need to be able to spend an hour a day at least with him. I don't really care if we are learning what his teachers have for him to learn, as long as he is learning age appropriate things that will help him in the future.
My diet and exercise are difficult. I have been walking the dog two or three times a day, unless it's cold and yucky like today, then it was only once. My knees and hips ache, I am feeling old (and fat). It is helpful to get out and move, the walks help me break up the day and work. But they certainly aren't enough to help me lose weight. I have been eating more than I should, still. I changed my plan so I don't get the fit points added on, so it's just daily and weekly points, but I am sure I really eat more of them than I should. Part of it is the anxiety, I get upset, and eat. I worry, I eat. Kiddo drives me nuts, I eat.
I am sometimes glad I don't have more kids during this time, it would be a lot to manage. But perhaps it would be better? Maybe having someone to play with would help the boy. I can't imagine having to go get groceries with a little one along though. They want to limit it to one person, but aren't enforcing it. I can't imagine how single parents would manage with little babies, I know there are grocery deliveries and even pick up options, but both are hard to come by right now. The local stores where you can order online and pick up are two weeks ahead, how do you manage that? You can only have one order placed at a time, so you can only get stuff every two weeks, and can't change your order in some cases. When Jackson was on milk we went through 2+ bags of milk a week! He wouldn't drink it frozen, so I'd have to be buying 5 bags every two weeks, and hoping for good expiry dates. Right now it's also hard to find certain things in stores, there are empty places on shelves. I managed to get a 24 pack of TP, which is great, should last a few weeks! But other things are missing, including a large number of cleaning products.
I trust and hope that at the end of this, life returns to somewhat normal. I can't imagine it will be the same, I think everything is changing. I really hope I will be able to cruise again, I hope we will be able to go back to Disney, to go to Universal, and Seaworld, Perhaps an All Inclusive at some point. And to see Canada, from coast to coast. I want to see things, to do things, to not be stuck at home. Yet, if I'm honest, I like being home, if I wasn't for having to take care of the boy this would be not so bad. I worry if I get sick, how will he be taken care of? He can't cook, he won't be able to feed and water the pets. No matter what, I have to be able to take care of him.
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