This year is going very fast, and very slow at the same time. I think most people are feeling the same thing. At least it is the Holiday season. Christmas is coming up soon, I'm not at all ready, but I have started at least. I have an idea of what to get everyone who needs to be bought for. Time just seems to be moving fast, Jackson is growing up a lot. Work is the same, day by day. I wish I had more time off but I am trying to save most of it for when things are back to normal and we can travel. I will have two weeks off over Christmas at least, and a day off on Jackson's birthday. My parents are dropping off gifts next week, so I need to wrap what I got for them, and hope it's enough. It's not much this year, shopping was tricky as I didn't want to go out much to do it. I need to get a few more things for Jackson, his birthday is covered but I feel like I haven't gotten him enough for Christmas yet. I'll work on that after his birthday. A lot of smaller things this year, no one big gift. I know he wants a gaming PC but there is no way I'm spending that much on one thing this year! I promised him one when I get my back pay in May-ish. When we will also hopefully be moving.
Everything feels very stuck, stuck in waiting mode. I am waiting for this or that before moving forward. It's hard, hard because of covid, and not being able to see family or friends, but also hard because I want so many things and I feel like I have wasted so much time already. I've been trying to do what I can, the Christmas ornaments are mostly sorted and some are gone. I need to work on the basement more, it's become a dumping ground for stuff. Yet I also worry about getting rid of all the baby stuff when I want another one. But I can always replace things I guess. I don't want to pay to move things we don't need. Starting in January we'll be saving more money, which will be hardest on kiddo, he is not used to being denied. He's already pushing me for things he wants and I say it's too close to his birthday/Christmas and we don't have extra money for that now, he gets very mad. His allowance is never enough.
I've been eating keto for almost a week now. I feel good about it. My stomach is a lot happier after the first day or so. Keeping it up will be tricky for the next week or so, I plan to cheat on Christmas for dinner, maybe. After that it should be smoother sailing. At least I hope so! While I hope it will let me lose some weight, it is also so I feel better, which I normally do when I stick to it. I just have to stick to it.
I have no trips planned for 2021. Obviously we don't know when vaccines or anything will be happening so I haven't got any travel plans. We have a cruise booked for 2022, which has been changed apparently, without notifying me. I am not sure how I feel about the new changes, the ship and itinerary have changed, even the dates. We'll see. Perhaps they will offer something eventually. And if I were to decide to do something about having another baby I may not be able to go any way. We also have a cruise booked for 2023, and those I am really looking forward to. With a baby or not.
I still want to hold a baby in my arms, even if it means being pregnant and giving birth, and being broke for ages. Jackson said he doesn't want a baby brother (he insists it will be a boy no matter what) who is that much younger than him, but he also kind of wants a brother. He's be happier if we adopt, but I'm not sure I can go through all of that. Though it might cost less, it is so much extra work and invasive. Plus, I wouldn't get a baby. Though given my health and reproductive status I'm not sure a baby is possible any way. Whether I can afford it or not. In any case, my priorities now are staying keto, decluttering the house, and moving.
Why move though? Our place is decent, I am sure the landlord would fix the things that are problems if needed. I just don't care of having yard work, and shoveling, and would like a change, new start. Perhaps a place that's a bit more updated, easier to clean, with new schools to choose from. Should he go back to school. Close enough to work that I can go if I have to. Though I do hope I'll be able to continue working from home indefinitely. The places I am looking at are probably smaller than this place, two people don't need so much space. Even if I have a baby, there should be a way to do that. Some of them have 3 bedrooms, similar to this place but a different, more open, layout, and better finishes. Perhaps no finished basement, but I don't think that will be a problem. They probably all cost more than here though. But not by much.
Jackson needs better friends. The only kids he is still in touch with, he plays on line with and one of them is just not a nice kid. The other one is ok except for the influence of the other. And the boy who lived down the street, moved. Far. It's harder since he's not going to school. But he always had difficulties with friends. I am hoping we'll be able to figure something out if we move, perhaps he will meet other kids, even if I put him in school for a year or whatever, so he can make friends. I'll figure it out. I know if we stay here and he goes to the high school with all those kids, he'll never branch out to the other kids. And he needs better friends.
November is almost done for another year. One more month to go! Then finally 2020 is over. Apparently the vaccines should be available and distributed by September next year. I will remain hopeful that it actually happens like that. Perhaps I'd plan a last minute trip for Disney or something. Or get pregnant. Who knows!
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