I am very tired of winter and snow and all the nonsense that goes along with it. We had a winter storm today, April 12th. Freezing rain, snow, lots of loveliness. I stayed home, Jackson stayed home. I just did not want to go anywhere to drive. It made for a longish day, but Jackson played in the basement on his own for awhile, I played with him and we watched some TV. It was a pretty good day, until bedtime of course. But even that seems to be getting better, or I am more immune to it, I don't know. He still takes longer to fall asleep than I think he should. But he cries less, I don't go up as often, and he seems to be getting better.
I am anxious to get our garage empty and the backyard filled up. We have a picnic table, outside coffee table, and BBQ to put together. We also have the sandbox to fill up and set up. I'd like to get a gazebo thing for some shade, and a couple raised beds. We have no shade in the back in the afternoon and I think that will be important. I also want to plant some vegetables in the back, perhaps some perennials and annuals but those don't need to go in the bed, they can be just a border garden. I can either get the raised bed from a hardware store for about $100, plus the soil, or try and make one. Which probably won't happen.
I think growing some vegetables will be good for us both, could save some money, and it will be nice for Jackson to help. I will have to be prepared to not really get very many actual vegetables, or have them picked too early, or too late. Hopefully it will work out.
We got our second organic delivery box this week, it has some really good stuff in it, and Jackson has already eaten 2 of the pears, the whole red pepper, and I have to figure out what to do with the fennel. I am really liking the boxes, but I am still thinking of switching to just vegetables. We go to costco Saturday and will see what fruits they have, perhaps we can get some things to supplement, not sure.
I bought a Neato, it is an awesome little robot vacuum. It works. Cleaned the whole main floor! I hate cleaning, especially vacuuming. Now I don't have to! I set the machine and it will clean the main floor twice a week. I will either move it upstairs once a week or consider getting a second one at some point for up there. The pets were really interested, well Riley just stayed out of the way, Joshua freaked out and was upset by it, and Snickers told me off the whole time it was going, like he was saying "that's not right, why is it moving on it's own?" Very funny. I had to run it today to see how it works of course. Yes I know, we were home I could have just used the regular vacuum.
Joshua had his checkup and will be getting fixed next Friday, about time. He was really good at the appointment, and calm. The operation should be pretty quick. Hardest part will be no food after 10pm the night before, really just because the cats are normally fed at bed time so Snickers will be quite upset.
The house next door is for sale. I checked out the ad of course, it's only 1 1/2 baths, and seems a bit smaller, though the backyard is a little bigger. It has two big trees in the backyard, which shade it a lot, and would make for a bad garden space. It has laminate all over. I'm not sure I'd buy it. I do hope whoever buys it make nice neighbours though.
Must be bedtime, I really need to get more sleep. And exercise. And eat better. Ok.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
feels like a breaking point
I am not sure if there is some hormonal pms type issue going on, but in addition to that, I have to say, I am so tired. Tired of the bedtime fights, and the difficulty that goes with it. I am tired of my dog, tired of my boy trying my patience and me losing it. I just don't know what to do any more, it feels like I am angry and upset way more than I need to be, more than I want to be. I just don't understand it any more.
I still love being a mom, and love my son. But boy oh boy, does he know how to push my buttons, and sometimes he seems to do it on purpose. Like bedtime tonight, he finally went upstairs, then went and hid in my closet instead of going into the bathroom to pee, brush his teeth and get his pj's on. I tried counting, he eventually started crawling towards the bathroom, ok at least he was moving in the right direction, but then, he kept going, right on past it. Umm no. So I grabbed him, put him in the bathroom and sat him on the potty. He started to scream at me, I mean the high pitched screech that everyone can hear. At that point I lost it. I screamed right back... yeah how wonderful. He kept crying, I got him ready for bed, his teeth brushed, and carried him into his room. I told him I'm done with this nonsense and he knows better. He kept crying. I told him I lost my temper, he told me to put it back. Yeah... I'm getting temper advice from my kid. I ended up reading him a story and saying good night. I didn't bring the monitor down tonight. I will go up and check on him again shortly, but I don't hear any screaming. Not sure if I would or not from down here.
Something needs to change, this can't go on. I don't like being angry, I take it out on the dog. Poor dog, he got a walk today but certainly not daily. He gets ignored, and I feel like I'm neglecting him. I don't even know what to do about that, do I try and re home him? He's 7 but probably have another 10 years in him. He is probably not the best dog to have with kids, he has nipped at Jackson, like a herding dog, which of course I don't like, and he barks a lot. But he's very much my dog, though I think he's been changing that a bit as well. He will go for a walk with other people. Is it fair to try and find him a new home? Probably not. Is it fair to keep going with him as is? Definitely not. What to do? I'll have to figure that out I guess. Soon too.
I had naively hoped that moving would help with the sleep issues, perhaps help my temper as well. But I know it will take more, that I need to change things up, to let something go. When I was at my wits end with the night time bottle feeding, I ended up having to let it go, it got to a point where I simply realized I had to embrace it, and that helped. I am not sure if that is even possible in this case, I do know that I have to do something though, some change or we'll both suffer for it. We already are really.
I still love being a mom, and love my son. But boy oh boy, does he know how to push my buttons, and sometimes he seems to do it on purpose. Like bedtime tonight, he finally went upstairs, then went and hid in my closet instead of going into the bathroom to pee, brush his teeth and get his pj's on. I tried counting, he eventually started crawling towards the bathroom, ok at least he was moving in the right direction, but then, he kept going, right on past it. Umm no. So I grabbed him, put him in the bathroom and sat him on the potty. He started to scream at me, I mean the high pitched screech that everyone can hear. At that point I lost it. I screamed right back... yeah how wonderful. He kept crying, I got him ready for bed, his teeth brushed, and carried him into his room. I told him I'm done with this nonsense and he knows better. He kept crying. I told him I lost my temper, he told me to put it back. Yeah... I'm getting temper advice from my kid. I ended up reading him a story and saying good night. I didn't bring the monitor down tonight. I will go up and check on him again shortly, but I don't hear any screaming. Not sure if I would or not from down here.
Something needs to change, this can't go on. I don't like being angry, I take it out on the dog. Poor dog, he got a walk today but certainly not daily. He gets ignored, and I feel like I'm neglecting him. I don't even know what to do about that, do I try and re home him? He's 7 but probably have another 10 years in him. He is probably not the best dog to have with kids, he has nipped at Jackson, like a herding dog, which of course I don't like, and he barks a lot. But he's very much my dog, though I think he's been changing that a bit as well. He will go for a walk with other people. Is it fair to try and find him a new home? Probably not. Is it fair to keep going with him as is? Definitely not. What to do? I'll have to figure that out I guess. Soon too.
I had naively hoped that moving would help with the sleep issues, perhaps help my temper as well. But I know it will take more, that I need to change things up, to let something go. When I was at my wits end with the night time bottle feeding, I ended up having to let it go, it got to a point where I simply realized I had to embrace it, and that helped. I am not sure if that is even possible in this case, I do know that I have to do something though, some change or we'll both suffer for it. We already are really.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Ah bedtime, wth!
I really really do not understand why my son does not like to go to sleep. Seriously. I don't get it at all, have no clue and it drive me nuts, leaves me feeling angry and upset. I can't imagine how he feels at the end of it, and I am just lost how to fix it. I almost wish he still had a bottle, at least he'd fall asleep!
Tonight, being Friday, I thought I'd see if staying up a little would make it easier, so he got to stay up until 8:30, instead of 7:30 like normal. Which lead to a bought of extreme silliness that drives me nuts, and he finds hilarious. End result, I yelled, he got upset, I put him in bed and told him I won't be back until morning. Which of course isn't really true since I'm a big sucker. But no more bedtimes snacks, I think they were making it even harder to fall asleep. He isn't asleep yet, but he's not crying. So where does that leave us? Who knows!! I just feel totally lost and have no idea what to do or try, how to proceed. I obviously can't let him stay up all night, he gets very tired at bedtime, and has a hard time getting up in the morning. He still naps at daycare, but apparently gets really hot, so they have started taking his shirt off, which is now how he wants to go to sleep.
Perhaps it's because he fell asleep with the bottle so long, but I really don't think so. He fights sleep, he does not want to stop. Seriously, he talks constantly, even in bed. But once he's asleep, he is out. He sometimes wakes up because he has to pee, usually very early in the morning, but he'll go back to sleep, and stay asleep until about 7:30 or so.
I just really can't take it, I have no patience left for this nonsense, and procrastination over sleep. I don't get it at all. I like to sleep! I like going to bed, I like sleeping in. This is just nuts.
Tonight, being Friday, I thought I'd see if staying up a little would make it easier, so he got to stay up until 8:30, instead of 7:30 like normal. Which lead to a bought of extreme silliness that drives me nuts, and he finds hilarious. End result, I yelled, he got upset, I put him in bed and told him I won't be back until morning. Which of course isn't really true since I'm a big sucker. But no more bedtimes snacks, I think they were making it even harder to fall asleep. He isn't asleep yet, but he's not crying. So where does that leave us? Who knows!! I just feel totally lost and have no idea what to do or try, how to proceed. I obviously can't let him stay up all night, he gets very tired at bedtime, and has a hard time getting up in the morning. He still naps at daycare, but apparently gets really hot, so they have started taking his shirt off, which is now how he wants to go to sleep.
Perhaps it's because he fell asleep with the bottle so long, but I really don't think so. He fights sleep, he does not want to stop. Seriously, he talks constantly, even in bed. But once he's asleep, he is out. He sometimes wakes up because he has to pee, usually very early in the morning, but he'll go back to sleep, and stay asleep until about 7:30 or so.
I just really can't take it, I have no patience left for this nonsense, and procrastination over sleep. I don't get it at all. I like to sleep! I like going to bed, I like sleeping in. This is just nuts.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
An experiment in being frugal
When Jackson starts school, at this point Sept 2014, I want to be able to work part time so I can put him on the bus and be there to meet him at the end of it, as well as take time off every summer. In order to do all that I will take a pay cut. So in anticipation of it, I am going to try living on what I believe I would be making, and saving the remainder so I have a backup in place. It is going to be very hard, especially with a three year old who wants something every time we go to the store. To help with that we are implementing an allowance. I will of course continue to buy his important things, but he will have to save up and buy his toys and DVDs. He will get $3 every pay day (so two weeks). It will be interesting to see what he gets right away and what he takes time to decide he wants. Hopefully it helps teach him some lessons.
I have some debt to pay off as well, so that needs to happen over the next 15 months or so as well, it's not a lot but it needs to go. We will have to be very strict with what we buy, from groceries to extras. There isn't a whole lot that either of us needs except that Jackson will need clothes for spring/summer. My parent's got him some nice shoes for Easter so other than perhaps some new rain boots, he will really only need things like shorts, t-shirts, underwear, socks, lots of stuff. Swimsuit, pajamas. Oh well, we'll manage to stick to the budget I think, I hope.
Sleep. Oh my, I enjoyed some nice sleep at my parent's place but that child is terrible to get down at night. I don't understand it at all. He is tired, he has big yawns, dark circles under his eyes, he is obviously tired. He just does not want to sleep. I really wish we lived in a bungalow, I go up and down the stairs to get him to sleep so many times a night, drives me crazy. I always end up yelling and saying "this is unacceptable". Which of course just upsets him a little more, and leads to even more fussing. Every night it's one things after another. I really really hope this doesn't last for too much longer. I am hopeful that once the weather is nicer (where the heck is spring!) we will be able to get out for a walk or to play in the back every night to help him get extra tired. I hope.
We are doing well in the new house, but Jackson still sometimes asks to go back to the old house. He can't give me a real reason why he doesn't like this house, but I think he just doesn't handle big changes very well. He still thinks we should get our old car back, and we've had the new one since August. The commute is not much longer than, thought it adds a few minutes to our morning and the drive home. Not too bad though. We are closer to the stores we shop at, so our weekend driving is less, and we are close to more options than before, so that is a good things as well. I am glad we moved, but it was a lot of work, and I know we'll have to do it at least once more. Hopefully not for awhile though. A long while.
I have some debt to pay off as well, so that needs to happen over the next 15 months or so as well, it's not a lot but it needs to go. We will have to be very strict with what we buy, from groceries to extras. There isn't a whole lot that either of us needs except that Jackson will need clothes for spring/summer. My parent's got him some nice shoes for Easter so other than perhaps some new rain boots, he will really only need things like shorts, t-shirts, underwear, socks, lots of stuff. Swimsuit, pajamas. Oh well, we'll manage to stick to the budget I think, I hope.
Sleep. Oh my, I enjoyed some nice sleep at my parent's place but that child is terrible to get down at night. I don't understand it at all. He is tired, he has big yawns, dark circles under his eyes, he is obviously tired. He just does not want to sleep. I really wish we lived in a bungalow, I go up and down the stairs to get him to sleep so many times a night, drives me crazy. I always end up yelling and saying "this is unacceptable". Which of course just upsets him a little more, and leads to even more fussing. Every night it's one things after another. I really really hope this doesn't last for too much longer. I am hopeful that once the weather is nicer (where the heck is spring!) we will be able to get out for a walk or to play in the back every night to help him get extra tired. I hope.
We are doing well in the new house, but Jackson still sometimes asks to go back to the old house. He can't give me a real reason why he doesn't like this house, but I think he just doesn't handle big changes very well. He still thinks we should get our old car back, and we've had the new one since August. The commute is not much longer than, thought it adds a few minutes to our morning and the drive home. Not too bad though. We are closer to the stores we shop at, so our weekend driving is less, and we are close to more options than before, so that is a good things as well. I am glad we moved, but it was a lot of work, and I know we'll have to do it at least once more. Hopefully not for awhile though. A long while.
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