Autumn 2020

 It's hard to believe it's Fall already. Autumn sounds so much prettier, but still, this year has been flying by. Which is weird since it has been a year of not doing a whole lot of anything. Heck, we hardly leave home any more. The city is in a second wave, since schools opened up there have been a lot more cases nearby, and getting tested is actually really difficult. I am glad I pulled kiddo out, my stress is a lot less, as is his. He has one friend from school he has been seeing a lot. He is there at the moment actually. I'll go get him in an hour or so. He hasn't been getting enough sleep the past few nights. One of his friends sent a message at 4 AM to all of his friends wondering if anyone was awake and it woke kiddo up. He has a hard time getting back to sleep ever so that was not good. He did eventually but it left him tired. This morning he woke up rather early, threw up, went back to sleep and got up at 11, which is unheard of. The sleep and then some food really helped. 

I have no idea what we are going to do this winter. I had planned to move us to some (expensive) rental townhomes near us but since he isn't in school, do we have to stay around here? Could we move further out? Find something bigger or whatever? I'm not sure. I will probably wait until I get my back pay. We are still voting on the contract so once that is done, it could be 6 months before we get the money. Such a long time, hopefully by spring I guess! So winter, will be here, and we'll have to shovel again. But, I won't have to drive him to school or me to work. So we don't have to do it first thing or whatever, it can take time to do, we can relax a little bit about it. As long as I get the garage cleaned up over the next couple weeks so I can park in there again. 

It is strange to me that my province is locking down again while some places in the states are getting more lax. I am not sure why, and I guess it doesn't matter too much. We will follow the rules and do our part to curb the spread. We will get flu shots (don't usually do that) and not travel (I wish we could go somewhere warm this winter!). Maybe in another year, or 18 months, or even 2 years, we will be able to travel again. We'll be ready! 

For our epic unschool, kiddo has been playing some video games, watching videos and we have been reading a couple books together. We also started watching the Harry Potter movies. He actually quite enjoyed the first two, and asked a lot of questions, but also figured a lot of the twists and turns out before they were revealed. He is observant and a smart kid. I have a few books for worksheets if he is interested. I plan to focus on his self esteem, a growth mindset, and just his general mental health over the next year, rather than focusing on his learning. I think it will be better for him long term to know how to handle anxiety, stress, and feel good about himself. It isn't always easy though. I can only do nerf battles and games like that for so long. I wish he'd rather play cards or something. Oh well. At least he still has one friend to play with, and hopefully we'll figure out something to do this winter. 

Epic Unschool

 It's official. I sent in a letter to the board and school to let them know I am withdrawing him from public school. I haven't heard back yet, I assume I will sooner or later. They can say what they please but I will be firm in my decision. Honestly, if this had been more of an option sooner I would have done it years ago. I was frustrated with the school since he was in grade 3 and then 4, even going back to grade 2 when I don't feel he really learned a whole lot. He has been seen as a troublemaker for standing up to the teachers and principal, which they don't like. He won't let people get away with things, even me. It is sometimes a struggle but I am learning to let it go. He is stubborn and getting to an age where these things are easier for him to manage on his own. If he doesn't want to participate then he doesn't have to. But I will also be able to do some of the things I want to do. He is old enough to be home alone for short periods, and soon for longer ones. 

Now we start with deschooling, though that is pretty much what we have been doing since March any way. We will continue with a lot of free time for him, he can let me know when he wants to learn something or has questions. I will leave some things around to help entice him to learn a few things, but it is going to be up to him. I have picked up a couple work books for helping kids with anxiety, adhd and have one on my list for a growth mindset. That is my focus for this year. Jackson is very down on himself and negative about things in general so I want to help with that. Hopefully I can manage, he refuses to speak to anyone so a therapist is not an option. 

This is going to be quite the journey I think. I feel good about it, though I am a little bit sad I will be losing out on all that alone time from when he's in school. Hopefully we can find him some activity to sign up for, I am pushing for swimming or a martial art. I think something active would be great and both of those are easy to socially distance but still hopefully he will also make some friends. I have signed up for a few facebook groups on homeschooling, unschooling, locally, provincially and world wide. Since we are stuck at home a lot, it becomes harder to meet new people.

He was playing with a friend most of last week but hasn't heard from him this weekend at all. Which has led to less activity. We have played with his nerf guns. That was a lot of running up and down the stairs! He had fun, me, less so. I am sure he'll make me do it again this evening. Tomorrow I do have to work so I am not sure what he will do. Like last week he will probably just watch videos and play Roblox and Minecraft. Hopefully his friend will be available at some point! 

I finally moved our December cruise, the pay in full date was approaching and I called to check my options. I was able to move it to April 2023, so hopefully by then we'll be able to travel! No extra fees which is great. Now we have 2 week cruises booked for Jan/Feb 2022 and April 2023. That's plenty of time for this thing to blow over a bit and hopefully get back to a more normal life. Even if it means an annual vaccine or wearing masks indoors a lot. I just want to be able to continue working from home, and we can figure out the rest from there. 

Back to... not school

 Well, we are not off to a great start. So far Jackson has gone to 3 days of classes. Then he got a "headache". Which is code for "anxiety over going to school". So he's been home, I spoke with the principal and she has put him on the wait list for online school. His homeroom teacher has been amazing and is sending me daily emails with what they covered and where to find it in the online portal for the kids. So then we sit and try to do it. Not really well. I am just at my wit's end and want to just say screw it, who needs school! Well we do I guess, need to learn stuff. But there has to be a better way than this. It's been a struggle, most notably since grade 4. The last options we have are to switch from immersion (question is with the principal but I am doubtful as I think the classes are pretty full), try the online (if we get in at the end of the month, make do with what the teacher is sending for now. 

After all of this, we will probably be doing straight up home schooling. I have been looking at curriculum's and various ways to do it. I think we can do a hybrid of various types of learning. My focus is on math at the moment, he has fallen very far behind when he used to be way ahead. It frustrates me, the school itself does. The principal from last few years was not the best fit as far as I am concerned. The new one so far seems really good. It is irritating that things like this just get overlooked or he's made to feel like he is bad for things that he can't control or that they don't understand or listen to the story of. Other than math I think the rest we can do through various methods, trying to get him to read on his own (for fun) and learn while he's at it. There will have to be some limits, but I am happy to follow his lead in what he wants to learn. 

Now we wait and see, does he get into the other class or does he get into the online school? Or do we just pull him completely from the school for a year, or 3. Today he did a bit of the work that was required, I've made space at my work desk so that he can work right beside me while I am working, I think it will let us work together and he'll know I am right there to help. Hopefully that will be a good thing. He even helped me clean up the folding chair from the basement to use for now. 

Now I'm off to keep researching curriculum options and figure out the best way to move forward. A few books, a few ideas, and some websites to try. There is a monthly subscription for Canadian Geography and History, it sounds really cool and I want to try it out. I am not sure if it is for much younger kids, but either way, I think it's a good start! With the math I already have and hopefully an online version that looks cool. Add in some books he'll maybe try to read. Voila, we're good for now! 

School Begins - Grade 6

 Well. That was a day. School is finally started back up, it's been about 6 months since he was last in school, and he certainly didn't do any work while he was off. He is in immersion, and now hates French. That is partly because none of the friends he plays with are in his class. He does like the teachers he has, and I think he will enjoy the 3 days of gym, mostly outside. He does actually have a few friends in his class, just not the ones he kept in touch with over the summer. He says he had sort of fun. He wants to switch to non-immersion, which I don't think is an option. And says he wishes he had chosen to do the at home online school. That we can't change to until 2 months in I believe. 

Then there is my worry. I believe that in the next week or two we will run into trouble, something will happen, he will get in trouble or a fight or whatever and I will say screw it and pull him out to homeschool. If I am honest, I want to do it now any way. If I follow my intuition, he would not be going to school right now. It is an adjustment though, either way. I have been burying my intuition for years, struggling to do what we are supposed to do instead of what I feel is right. At some point, I need to get back to what I believe. I do have some worries, what if he decides he wants to go back to school? Will it be a problem to put him back in if we have followed a more unschooling rhythm and not done a curriculum. 

I think we need to focus more on his emotional intelligence than anything else. He needs to learn a growth mindset, to see the positive in things and to know that he has to sometimes work for things. I want him to be able to play, have fun, be outside, and enjoy being a kid. There are so many positives to pulling him out and doing things at home. The only negatives are him being able to play with friends, and I think he will be able to do that after school or with a few select friends who are homeschooling as well. Perhaps we can meet a new group of kids. He gets shy but he also needs more confidence and that is something we'll be working on. If this was a normal year, I would look at putting him into some kind of day time lessons, swimming, martial arts, whatever. If he was willing to do something online there are a few classes he might like, even just hour long webinars. We'll get there though. 

I am back at work tomorrow, and not really looking forward to it. I need to work on finding a new job for myself as well, something I don't dread. There are options, they are just harder to find right now. But still possible. I will do this, and he will learn what he needs to learn, and we will move forward. 

Last Week of Summer

 Jackson is back to school next week on Wednesday. We have finally gotten more details, I know who his teachers are at least. I am not sure how many kids will be in his class, I am hoping it's not too many but based on the picture I saw of his classroom set up I am a bit worried. We will see. I am going to try and give it two full weeks before we change anything up. Hopefully it all goes well and he does great. His teacher is new to the school which is hopeful. She won't know him from the past so he should have a clean slate. 

We spent the past week very busy. Sunday he went fishing with a friend, he didn't catch anything, threw a couple fits, swears he will never fish again, and that was it. Monday we went over to Gatineau to swim since the beaches on the Ontario side are closed. It was cold but fun, we played with a ball in the water, he swam, it was fine. Tuesday we went on a boat tour of the Thousand Islands, he really enjoyed that, even though we didn't get to sit up on the top deck and had to wear masks the whole time. It was great weather. We went to dinner with a friend from work I haven't seen since March, it was nice, though got a bit chilly. The food wasn't great, but it was still nice. 

Wednesday we went to my parents and dropped the dog off for them to watch. I think they enjoyed having him as they are dog people and haven't had one for awhile. We stayed for dinner and it was a nice little break. Then the big day came. Thursday. We drove to Toronto to the zoo. Wow, I do not like driving on big roads like that! It was a bit stressful, but we made it and had a great time at the zoo. It was a lot of walking, so many hills! Jackson really enjoyed it and thanked me many times for taking him there. 

Jackson took a lot of photos, he did a really good job at them. We ate lunch before we arrived since we had a 12:45 time to check in. It was busier than I would have liked and many people did not seem to know how to follow the arrows or stay 6 feet apart, we wore masks for certain parts. But it was a lot of fun. We stayed at a hotel that night, mostly because it was a 4 hour drive and I didn't want to drive in the dark. That's why the dog stayed with my parents. We had a rough sleep at the hotel. Apparently I was snoring and woke him up, he couldn't get back to sleep and watched his phone for a few hours before finally turning it off to try and sleep more. At one point he cried because he missed the cat so much. I wasn't very helpful I'm afraid, I was worried because I knew if I didn't at least get a decent rest I would be terrible on the road and didn't want to get into an accident. He did finally listen and just lay down and try to sleep. Funny thing was I had a hard time falling asleep because he was snoring. I think it's allergy season.

Friday we drove back to my parents to get the dog. We stopped at the big apple on the 401 and then a bit later for lunch and to put gas in the car. All in all, it was a lot of driving over the week, I don't want to go anywhere for awhile and I much prefer the vacations we take where I don't have to dive at all! But my car is lovely and at least it was easy to drive. 

Now we have a few days to fill, today being a quiet one though he is in a mood again. Apparently the cat scratched him this morning and he's been holding a grudge all day long. I don't know how to help him deal with things like this, he just holds onto hurt feelings and anger until it bursts from him and gets directed at everyone and everything around him. It's the one thing I wish I could help him with. His self confidence and self esteem have been rough since grade 2 as well, so these are the things I want to help him with. I am just not sure how to do more than I am when he refuses to participate. I am really trying to notice every time he does anything "good" and praise him for it. I try and talk to him about being thankful for what we have and how I want to share experiences and travel with him more than things. Sometimes he gets it, and other times he just explodes. It has been better the past few weeks, his explosions are fewer, maybe one a day instead of multiple times, and I hope school doesn't derail those efforts. I wish we could find a better group of friends, kids who like the same things as him, shared interests. He sometimes takes up the interests of others because they go on about it. Then he regrets it. Another thing we are working on. 

Summer is pretty much over, school starts soon. I wonder what the fall and winter will hold. Will we be able to travel. Will we be able to move. Will we be healthy.