Time for change

The packing... not going that well but some is getting done. I am a little worried about the basement.  I don't like it down there and the thought of packing the stuff that needs packing scares me to be honest.  I think some of it is going to just get moved and I'll deal with it in the new house later.  I intend to keep on with the purging, regardless of how much I can get done before we go.  I hope that I get it all done, but imagine there will be a mad scramble at the end. I have some stuff packed up, and the upstairs will be fairly easy, though my room may be a problem.  The main floor, well it's a toy fest :-)  so that will be interesting. I plan on taking a box of toys over Friday for Jackson to play with while we work on the moving and setting up stuff.  I hope to do quite a bit on Friday as soon as I get the keys, I have a couple lists of things to buy, money money!  But I want a new start, a fresh start and newness.

I need a change.  I need this change, but I need for it to carry through.  I need to make changes for my health, for Jackson's health, for our lives.  With the gallbladder news I know I need to correct my health, eat better and move more.  I also need to work on my stress levels. I get stressed out a lot, and I need a better way to deal with it.  I am considering yoga, I have some yoga DVDs I can do, but I need to find the time, and energy to actually do it.  The time is tricky, I get up by 5:30 as it is, and by the time Jackson goes to bed all I want to do is crawl in bed myself.  I do need to get in bed by 9 or so, in order to get up that early.  I am tired of being tired. 

I have a friend who calls me a hermit, which would be true.  If it wasn't for Jackson I would probably never leave the house.  With so much on line shopping available, and even the chance to work from home, though I'm not sure how that works, I would be quite happy to be here all the time.  It is hard to step out of that. I don't really know why it is, I know my mom is similar and it's why they don't come and visit me very often.  My sister is the opposite, she loves to be out, with people, and doing stuff.  I often wish I had a little more of that.  I have often forced myself to get out with Jackson, when he was a baby I did a few activities with him in tow.  But not lately. I am stuck, in a rut and he's the one paying for it. I know he doesn't know any different, but he should get to be out there doing fun things not stuck here with me because I'm scared or tired. 

A few of the changes I plan to make are ordering organic produce delivery, yes this is a home activity, but it will mean healthier eating. I also plan to go to some farmers markets on the weekends when they open, Jackson should enjoy that I think.  I hope to get local meats and eggs as well as veggies and fruit.  Walks and runs will happen, hopefully Jackson will learn to ride his balance bike early in the spring so we can jog while he rides.  I also want for him to play outside in the summer, the new yard looks great and I hope it is as nice as I think.  He will be taking swimming lessons and possibly signing up for soccer or something like that as well.  It is a very good thing that he is in daycare and around so many kids, it is a good thing for him, especially with such an anti-social mommy.

Mommy's health

Being a single mom is great in almost every way.  But I have encountered the one big downfall.  My health.  A few months ago I had a flare up of pain in my upper abdomen, it lasted for a few days, didn't matter what I ate, it would flare up with in about 30 minutes of eating and last for hours, I felt horrible and was so glad when it passed. I didn't go to the doctor, I had just started a new job and couldn't really take the time.  Well it flared up again yesterday, so today I went to my doctor. He's sending me for an ultrasound and blood work.  He thinks it's my gallbladder.  Lovely.  From what I am reading it will likely lead to surgery and having it out.  How do I do that with a 3-year-old running around?  I understand it is probably a day surgery, but that's still a whole day and it's scary.  I'm sure it's a routine procedure and all that but I worked in the operating rooms, I've seen it, and it's scary. 

Being me, I am going to wait and see, perhaps I will be able to manage this with diet.  Somehow.  Perhaps I can beat it with some "natural" remedy.  So far the worst flares have been when I am extra stressed, first due to the new job and now due to the big move.  Perhaps if I can find some ways to better deal with my stress I'll be in better shape.  But, since this is my life and my son's future, I need to take care of me.  I will get the tests done, probably not as quickly as the doctor would like but I'll do my best. 

The move is consuming me, yesterday being so sick did not help. I didn't get as much garbage out as I wanted to, nothing got packed. But I got rid of a dresser I was selling.  And I did pack two boxes tonight, books. I have a lot of books, and probably not enough boxes. There is still a lot of packing to do, I really should go through the boxes in the basement, at least a little bit, I'm sure there is stuff I could leave behind. I will be working hard this weekend.  We have to go finish paying for the couch, then get groceries, and Sunday the donation people are coming to pick stuff up, hopefully lots of stuff.  And in between it all I will be packing.  And packing some more.  Then next Friday I will get the keys, start moving stuff, go pick up the store stuff I want to get, and probably do the blood work.  Since it has to be fasting, I can do it after I drop Jackson off at daycare.  I hope.  We'll see.  It still is annoying and frustrating. 

From what I've been reading, this gallbladder thing is likely caused by my pregnancy, a leftover reminder of that.  I have to say, every time it flares up I am reminded of labour.  So I guess that's fitting.  It is also really making me second guess my desire for another baby.  Add in the temper issues I've been having, probably also related to stress, and I have no idea what the future really holds for my little family.  Beyond moving to a new home and hopefully cleaning up my living and health.  Stress management is going to be key. 

ah sleep

I miss sleep. I miss sleeping straight through the night, falling asleep easily, staying asleep until morning.  I can pretty much blame my son for all of the problems I have now.  It started when I was pregnant, I was pretty sick and would wake up throwing up, would go to bed, and feel nauseous.  Then he got bigger and I had to pee every 5 minutes, all night long.  When Jackson was born I spent the first 6 weeks or so fighting to sleep.  He was a colicky boy, spent the evenings crying and screaming.  I spent the evenings crying too.  I am used to an early bedtime but he was not, he would be "active" from my usual bedtime until well after midnight.  It took me weeks to try putting him on his belly to sleep.  I remember it quite clearly, I was desperate and tried it.  He slept 6 hours straight, first time, I woke up and was sure I'd killed him. But of course he was fine.  I kept doing it that way, he'd fall asleep in my arms and I'd put him down on his belly to sleep.  He never really did more than a 6 hour stretch, and of course around 4 months we had the nap disruptions.  I learned to nap when he did, to sleep when I could.  And even now if by some miracle he has a nap on the weekend, I also nap.  But that hasn't happened in a few weeks and that was sort of a one off, consistent weekend naps haven't happened for months, though he still naps at daycare. 

I know the bottle thing was my own doing, but it was easier than dealing with him crying himself sick, while trying to get up for work and life.  He seems to have taken to the bottle fairy thing pretty easily.  He asked the first night for the babies to give his bottles back, but after that hasn't asked for them at all.  He has a hard time settling down, wants me there but it doesn't help him settle down.  When I am there he just seems to want to talk. He told me Nancy (his daycare teacher) tells him to stop talking or he won't be able to sleep next to Carter at daycare.  I guess this is an issue for him, talking instead of sleeping.  Hopefully he will learn to settle himself and fall asleep. I know it's hard, I often still have nights where my mind is racing and I can't settle my own thoughts, so I do understand the issue.

Last night he woke up around 3 crying. I went in to see what the matter was, since no bottles would be offered. Sometimes he wakes up and wants to pee, but last night all he wanted was a hug.  Poor kiddo.  He has a cough, I sometimes wonder if it's due to this house, so sleep has been restless.  But he did sleep until 8am Sunday and Monday, which is unheard of, even when he's sick.  I'm sure a big part of it is that he wasn't soaked through from drinking so much over night.  I am hoping that in another week or so, hopefully when the cough is gone, he will sleep straight through with no wake ups.  I know from experience that even if he does sleep straight through the night (he has done that on occasion) I will still wake up, to pee or just because.  It's frustrating, like I need to train myself to sleep properly again. 

We are both going to be tired tomorrow, he isn't going to sleep, which means I can't go to sleep.  And since I'm up I should be packing something, but I'm not.  It's going to be a mad scramble at the end to pack and move everything.  Scary.  I hope that the new house will not cause new sleep issues.  Perhaps a new room will be a good thing? 

I like my sleep, I used to be able to sleep until noon, with no problem. Now if I sleep past 7 I wake up with  a headache.  I don't think I need my old sleep habits back, but I sure would like the occasion to sleep in or have a nap, or just not have my sleep run by a child.  I don't think it will get better even when he is older, there may be a period in the middle where sleep is good, before he starts going out with friends and staying up too late. 

Good night.

The Best Laid Plans

This weekend is quickly winding down, and I have not gotten nearly enough done.  I can see this move is going to be a flurry of last minute packing and anxiety.  Somehow the day gets away from me, and with the new bottle free nights, falling asleep for my boy is taking some time, and a few checks by me.  He hasn't asked for one which is good, though he has asked for milk.  He thought last night he would be thirsty overnight but tonight he told me he wasn't.  I am slightly worried I got too few small boxes and too many of the big ones, I don't want to pack things too heavy, and I'm not sure if toys should be in small or big boxes, I think perhaps they can go in the bigger ones, I hope so any way since I will have more of those in the end. 

So why am I writing on here, rather than packing?  Because the packing tape is upstairs and it might wake the boy who just fell asleep.  I should go up and get it, I can at least pack my books and DVDs.  Some of the boys too I'm sure. I know there are things in the kitchen I can pack as well.  I also need to sort some stuff in the basement for donating next weekend, and getting the garbage ready for Tuesday night.  It really sucks that we can only put garbage out every two weeks, honestly it's a huge pain and the city is run by morons if they thought it would be a good idea. 

I am still really happy with my couch purchase, it is a great deal and it was so comfy.  I hope it all fits well and looks how I think it will.  I am also sad that I couldn't get the bedding set I wanted, they were out of stock though they weren't supposed to be.  Now I don't have new bedding for my new house and it makes me a little bit sad.  Hopefully something will work out and I'll find something I like, with a pretty colour in it to paint the room.  Not that I'm sure I want to pay for the paint and supplies, there are other things I would much rather get and do. 

In 18 days we will be living in the new house.  Eighteen days.  The last few days of it will be incredibly busy and stressful.  I hope to move many things myself, and that will be difficult with the boy around, but I think I will be taking a sick day on March 1st so I can get everything I want from the stores, and move a few loads over.  Hopefully I can manage 4 trips that day, and a few the following morning.  The following morning will depend on when the couch is being delivered, if it's in the morning I won't be able to do any trips, but I hope it will be the afternoon.  Jackson will have to do a few trips with me on Sunday, and possibly in the evenings.  I am stressed just thinking about it. 

I think I must be the queen of procrastination.  I am very good at leaving things until the last minute.  And I suspect that this place is going to be left a disaster when I leave it.  I hope that I do not leave anything important behind, and that the backyard is thawed enough to get everything from it that I want to take. 

I look around and think it will only take a few minutes to pack up, but in reality I am pretty sure it will take a couple days of solid work.  Which is really really hard with a three year old on the loose.  And no extra vacation days I can take.  So I have until the 24th to get everything ready for donating, that will be a big help, to get all that stuff out of here, but I need to make sure I get as much donated as possible.  On that note, I need to go to bed soon, so I can have some energy tomorrow to deal with all of it.  I can do this. 

Changes and the big boy

My baby is upstairs trying to fall asleep for the first time without a bottle.  Yes I know he's over 3, and this is very hard for him.  He is super tired but when I go up to rub his back he kicks me away.  He is crying a bit, kind of a whine, and it's really hard for me.  But we need to do it, he's drinking too much milk, and not eating enough, he wakes up super soaked, and I'm just tired of it all.  So here we are, the first of a few rough nights I think. 

He is, in so many ways, getting to be a big boy.  We were out most of the morning, him in underpants, with no accidents!  We went to two stores, had breakfast and he pee'd in a public bathroom.  Even getting home, no accidents today!  Mind you he pooped in his diaper this morning because we haven't quite got that worked out, but I still call it progress.  We were couch shopping, and he didn't terrorize the store or break anything. 

Which leads to, I got a new couch, and loveseat.  And I am super happy with the purchase, it feels like a grown up set.  I went in with a budget, knowing what I wanted to spend and what I could max out at.  I knew I wanted a reclining sofa, and I was hoping for leather, not bonded or fake, but real leather.  I came out with the floor model clearance set, in espresso brown (what I wanted), power reclining, for less than the max I knew I could spend, but more than what I wanted to spend.  It is super comfy, and is going to be awesome in my new space. I got a great deal, the set was on sale last summer and I compared the price, for what I spent I could have just gotten the couch.  So woo hoo.  They did try and talk me in to microfiber, and it was a great deal, but I really wanted leather.  Now to keep the dog off it. The cats are more debatable, they tend to sleep on furniture with me, not on their own so much. 

I do believe he fell asleep.  It took about an hour, most of it I was up there, we read 3 stories, I sang a bunch of songs, rubbed his back, he talked and then I left because he wasn't going to stop talking.  He told me that his daycare teacher told him if he doesn't stop talking to his friend so much at nap time they will move his bed... so yeah, he's a chatterbox.  He also complained that he needed milk because he would be thirsty at night. I left him a cup of water beside his bed, and he had a sippy of milk with not much in it.  I really hope this leads to sleep for both of us.

I had planned to do this at Easter but a coworker who told me I looked tired, told me the story of the bottle fairy, when I explained why I was tired.  I told Jackson about the bottle fairy who comes to take the bottles away and lets you get a special new toy.  The bottle fairy will give your old bottles to babies who need them.  In her case she told the little boy he needed to do it before he turned 3 or the bottle fairy wouldn't leave him anything. In our case I said it has to be before we move or the bottle fairy won't be able to find us at the new house!  And now I have two bags of bottles sitting in the kitchen, wondering where to hide them as I don't really want to throw them out.  So here we are 6 weeks earlier than I had expected, with a sudden drop in the amount of milk we'll need, and perhaps a boy who will be dry all night.  Imagine. 

We are moving.  It's just a house change, yes with some new furniture involved. Yet for some reason I think it's going to be some magical thing, that my life will suddenly be completely different, I'll be thinner, healthier, we'll eat better, we'll spend better quality time together, go for walks, laugh more.  But realistically, it's just a move, our life plopped into a new location, a little further from daycare and work, still reasonable.  Nothing really will change that much.  I wonder why I think it will? Hope it will. 

Moving, selling stuff and stress

I've signed the lease. I move, or rather get the keys, on March 1st.  I am super excited, totally stressed and trying hard not to panic.  Doing this with a three year old is insane and I don't know if I'm going to make it.  However, it's done and I will survive, because that is what we do.  The new townhouse is bigger than this one, with carpets, eat in kitchen, finished basement, my own shower in the master bath, and they are putting central air in for me by May 15th.  I am very excited, though it's very odd as well.  I will be super close to my sister, about an 8 minute walk according to Goo gle maps, but probably closer if you don't dilly dally.  Or longer if you walk with a 3-year-old.  It is also really close to a Timmies and a McD's. As well as a biking/walking trail, and even an equestrian centre is very close. I look forward to walking over to visit the horsies. 

So far, as far as planning for the move, I have done some work, the spare room is packed and about 90% ready, the basement is ... well it's a disaster lol, but one with a purpose. I am getting rid of all Jackson's baby items, his jolly jumper, exersaucer, high chair, etc.  It makes me super sad, but is necessary.  And I'm posting it online to sell so had to clean a few things up a bit and take pics.  I am hoping it all sells of course, but I have a large amount of clothes and linens, even diaper bags, already packed up for donation.  They come around here on Feb 24th, so what hasn't sold by then will be going to donation.  Except the cloth diapers I have up for sale, any of those that don't sell I will take to the new house, they don't take up too much space.  So far it's not going too badly, I have made close to $200 in one day, which is all going towards new stuff for the new place, but of course there are the people who ask a question or say they want to pick something up asap and you never hear from them again.  That's fine, they have two weeks lol.  Then it's all going out the door and that's that. 

I have hired movers, the quote was $200 less than I was budgeting for, and the guy who did the quote said it would be about 7 hrs, which is perfect, it means Jackson will be in daycare all day and I won't be late to get him.  I am happy with the quote, but am planning to move quite a bit of stuff myself (for instance my clothes).  It will be interesting with Jackson tagging along, since of course he goes where I go, so he'll be making trips back and forth.  I get the keys March 1st, a Friday, and have movers coming on the 7th, which gives me just under a week. I also hope to have my new couch delivered on March 2nd.  We are going couch shopping next weekend, between packing and selling stuff of course! 

All in all, the whole thing is stressful and tiring, but I know it will be great in the end, and I am sure it will all end up well. I am slightly worried about the backyard stuff (patio furniture, sandbox and BBQ) still being covered in snow come March 7th, but I am hopeful and I will do what I have to.  I have this place until the end of March so realistically, anything the movers don't take I can come back for, I just really don't want to. 

This is my 100th post.  I think I should have had more by now.  Life is busy, and sometimes I don't want to admit that it's trying.  My son is 3 and he has certainly got a personality and does not like to listen to what I have to say.  It can be difficult and I do lose my temper more than I should.  I don't think moving will help that really, except that perhaps I will be more comfortable and "at home" in my life.  I won't worry that the house is making us sick, or the neighbours are doing illegal things.  The school is a good one, and while it will be further from daycare/work, it's not that big of a difference. I am hopeful that having the walking trail so close will be good for us, and I look forward to some new things in my life.  I do feel sad getting rid of Jackson's baby things, but I also know if I do choose to have another baby I can replace them fairly easily.  And that I don't need nearly as much as I had with him any way.