Tuesday, February 19, 2013

ah sleep

I miss sleep. I miss sleeping straight through the night, falling asleep easily, staying asleep until morning.  I can pretty much blame my son for all of the problems I have now.  It started when I was pregnant, I was pretty sick and would wake up throwing up, would go to bed, and feel nauseous.  Then he got bigger and I had to pee every 5 minutes, all night long.  When Jackson was born I spent the first 6 weeks or so fighting to sleep.  He was a colicky boy, spent the evenings crying and screaming.  I spent the evenings crying too.  I am used to an early bedtime but he was not, he would be "active" from my usual bedtime until well after midnight.  It took me weeks to try putting him on his belly to sleep.  I remember it quite clearly, I was desperate and tried it.  He slept 6 hours straight, first time, I woke up and was sure I'd killed him. But of course he was fine.  I kept doing it that way, he'd fall asleep in my arms and I'd put him down on his belly to sleep.  He never really did more than a 6 hour stretch, and of course around 4 months we had the nap disruptions.  I learned to nap when he did, to sleep when I could.  And even now if by some miracle he has a nap on the weekend, I also nap.  But that hasn't happened in a few weeks and that was sort of a one off, consistent weekend naps haven't happened for months, though he still naps at daycare. 

I know the bottle thing was my own doing, but it was easier than dealing with him crying himself sick, while trying to get up for work and life.  He seems to have taken to the bottle fairy thing pretty easily.  He asked the first night for the babies to give his bottles back, but after that hasn't asked for them at all.  He has a hard time settling down, wants me there but it doesn't help him settle down.  When I am there he just seems to want to talk. He told me Nancy (his daycare teacher) tells him to stop talking or he won't be able to sleep next to Carter at daycare.  I guess this is an issue for him, talking instead of sleeping.  Hopefully he will learn to settle himself and fall asleep. I know it's hard, I often still have nights where my mind is racing and I can't settle my own thoughts, so I do understand the issue.

Last night he woke up around 3 crying. I went in to see what the matter was, since no bottles would be offered. Sometimes he wakes up and wants to pee, but last night all he wanted was a hug.  Poor kiddo.  He has a cough, I sometimes wonder if it's due to this house, so sleep has been restless.  But he did sleep until 8am Sunday and Monday, which is unheard of, even when he's sick.  I'm sure a big part of it is that he wasn't soaked through from drinking so much over night.  I am hoping that in another week or so, hopefully when the cough is gone, he will sleep straight through with no wake ups.  I know from experience that even if he does sleep straight through the night (he has done that on occasion) I will still wake up, to pee or just because.  It's frustrating, like I need to train myself to sleep properly again. 

We are both going to be tired tomorrow, he isn't going to sleep, which means I can't go to sleep.  And since I'm up I should be packing something, but I'm not.  It's going to be a mad scramble at the end to pack and move everything.  Scary.  I hope that the new house will not cause new sleep issues.  Perhaps a new room will be a good thing? 

I like my sleep, I used to be able to sleep until noon, with no problem. Now if I sleep past 7 I wake up with  a headache.  I don't think I need my old sleep habits back, but I sure would like the occasion to sleep in or have a nap, or just not have my sleep run by a child.  I don't think it will get better even when he is older, there may be a period in the middle where sleep is good, before he starts going out with friends and staying up too late. 

Good night.

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