Saturday, September 21, 2013

A school dilemma I'm at a loss to solve

Jackson has been doing well since school started up.  He is obviously tired (and upstairs actually having a nap right now!) and it is a big change.  One of the boys he talks about is Dante.  According to Jackson, Dante is a bad boy and they are not friends.  I know Jackson has a temper, he has had issues with biting in the past, and hitting, especially when he's tired.  I don't want him to be fighting in school, or daycare.  Apparently Dante is in the daycare but the other kindergarten class, so they are apart for 3 hours during the day.

Today we met up with some new friends at a play gym, and Dante happened to be there.  Jackson did not want to play with him but Dante was very interested in him.  We left to go to McDonald's for lunch with our new friends, they have a play area. So after the kids ate they got to go climb.  Dante again showed up.  Jackson was not happy about this but he was doing ok at first.  Then I noticed Dante was right in Jackson's face, grabbing him, pulling him close, not letting him "get away".  And knowing my son I went to intervene because I didn't want him hitting!  So I went in to get between them but Dante ignored me completely, I ended up having to pick up Jackson so he could get away.  At this point Dante's mom came in the room as well (the play area is behind glass) and spoke to Dante to leave Jackson alone.  They went off into the tunnels.  A few minutes later Dante came out crying.  Jackson had bit him.  His mom took him away, didn't say anything to me.  Jackson eventually reappeared, and we also left.

But I am concerned.  I think Dante likely has some form of Asperger's or autism of some form and doesn't understand personal boundaries. He likes Jackson and so wants to be near him when playing. He doesn't understand this is not appropriate and Jackson doesn't like it. I understand completely that this is a mental health issue, that it's a disability and needs to be accommodated.  But I am not sure how to help Jackson deal with it. I obviously don't want him biting, hitting or otherwise tormenting Dante, but he also shouldn't have to defend himself from the invasion of his personal space.

I plan to speak to the teachers at daycare on Monday.  I assume they will have some ideas, and I will speak to Jackson and try to help him understand.  It is hard, Jackson is a big boy for his age, he is also still only 3, and he has a temper.  So we are going to work on it of course. But I actually find it easier to help him deal with the little girl in a wheelchair in his class, who can't speak or walk (and so has to play sitting down!), than this particular issue. I don't want to turn him into a bully, but I also want to protect his personal space.  We'll see I guess, how we manage to get through this!

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