I'm sick, I think it's the flu or something. All I really know is I have a fever and feel like crap. And taking care of a toddler is really hard when you feel like crap. But mama does it any way, cause that's what mama's do! Daycare is closed because the provider is sick, so baby was home all day with me. And of course he had a short nap, which means I only got a short nap. But we survived!
It started yesterday after taking Jackson to the clinic and getting him some antibiotics. While waiting for his prescription to be filled I started to feel a bit achy and icky myself. So getting home I took some tylenol and as soon as he was asleep, I went to bed too. I felt better and he was back to himself, even eating! And running around :-) He is so active and all over the place when he's feeling good.
Last night was brutal, I took whatever I could to get rid of the fever and tried to sleep, but he was restless so I woke up every 30 minutes or so, listening. And at 6am he woke up crying, I was bad and gave him a bottle and left him in bed. He went back to sleep and got up at 8. The extra sleep was nice, but I was still not feeling great when we got up. Carrying him up and down the stairs, trying to find something for him to eat, it was all rather painful. I actually laid on the couch and put his movie on for him. He is such a good boy, he brought me books to read to him and sat on the couch with me.
And then it was nap time. I should have done dishes, or vacuumed or something, but I had a nap too. And felt better for it. Looks like daycare is closed again tomorrow, so I have another day of me being sick and home with the baby. And missing more work. Hopefully I feel better than I did today, but I'm doubtful.
I will say that it is possibile to be sick and still be able to take care of a little one. It's hard, don't get me wrong, but it is possible. It gives me hope for when I have another one, because I was quite sick with the first pregnancy, and expect that will happen again, so it will be possible to take care of Jackson while pregnant and sick.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
The daycare dilema
About two months before I was due back at work I was in a bit of a panic, I had put my name on the city's waiting list for daycare and had not heard from any of them. So I started calling them all, no spots. So I checked the local online ads, called a few, checked them out... oh dear... not quite what I was looking for. Then I found one! Woo hoo! She was located close, well priced for my budget. She had a little boy about the same age as my son, perfect! I said yes lets go for it, but kept an eye on the ads just in case. Very glad I did.
A week after I said lets go for it, and a week before he was due to start, she changed her mind. So back to the drawing board. I was lucky, I found another place, on the way to work so easy for drop off, and her little guy was a big older but about the same development level. And she had cats. Don't ask me really why that was important, I mean it's weird I'm sure but I felt better about the daycare provider having pets. So we started.
It was a slow transition, took two weeks of gradually taking him for longer times. And he cried. A lot. At drop off and pick up, sobbing as soon as I got him into the car to go there. And then the comments about starting at 7am, which she'd been fine with but now he was the only one there that early. Add in everytime I went to pick him up he was strapped in his bouncy/rocking seat with the TV on. So my mommy feelings were going nuts. And I started looking again.
And found another place, right across the street from me! It costs a lot, more than I wanted to be spending, no subsidy, but she's right across the street! He loves going, no crying, has fun, she's great with the kids. They do crafts, he's learning things, and there's 4 other little boys he plays with. Oh, she has two cats :-) One is a kitten she got not too long ago who loves to play with the kids. It's great! Right?
Except that she's been sick 6 days since I started at the beginning of January. She also had two days off for dental surgery. If you're adding it up that's 8 days already, and we're not even done 3 months. She has 8 days of vacation booked so far for the year, and of course 4 days over Christmas. I'm finding it difficult. I only get so much time off in the year, and hate to have to use it all up in such a short time, and to have to still be paying her for the time. I mean I get she's earning a living at this, but it's a lot of money.
And so I'm back to my debate, do I stick this out, or do I start looking again. I have kept his name on the lists with the city for the daycare centres, they don't start until 18 months so it'll be awhile before he can go there any way. There is one right across the street from work, it would be super convenient, but if I am sick and want to stay home in bed, I'd still be taking him there for the day, and then coming home. There is one on the way to work, that I wouldn't get subsidized for, but it costs the same as what I'm paying now, and in a year would go down a bit actually. But he's not on the list.
I guess for now I'm stuck with what I have, and he is happy and learning a lot there so it's not like he's suffering. The problem is with me I guess. Hopefully when the weather gets better she won't be sick so much. Ah the joys of being a mom! and the difficulty having to make all these decisions with no backup. Even having to cover all this extra leave on my own.
I guess it's not all that bad, I do have one friend who has a daughter two months older than my boy, and she still hasn't gone to work because of issues finding daycare, so I've been lucky to find the one I have. Like I said, she is great, and he loves going there. I like the location, it's so convenient, I even manage to fit in a quick workout most nights before going to pick him up. So it's not all bad, just been a bad few months I guess.
I suppose it doesn't help that I have this desire to be able to stay home with him, to be a stay at home mom, but as a single mom there's no chance of that. Not unless I win the lottery :-) Which I guess you have a buy a ticket to do?
A week after I said lets go for it, and a week before he was due to start, she changed her mind. So back to the drawing board. I was lucky, I found another place, on the way to work so easy for drop off, and her little guy was a big older but about the same development level. And she had cats. Don't ask me really why that was important, I mean it's weird I'm sure but I felt better about the daycare provider having pets. So we started.
It was a slow transition, took two weeks of gradually taking him for longer times. And he cried. A lot. At drop off and pick up, sobbing as soon as I got him into the car to go there. And then the comments about starting at 7am, which she'd been fine with but now he was the only one there that early. Add in everytime I went to pick him up he was strapped in his bouncy/rocking seat with the TV on. So my mommy feelings were going nuts. And I started looking again.
And found another place, right across the street from me! It costs a lot, more than I wanted to be spending, no subsidy, but she's right across the street! He loves going, no crying, has fun, she's great with the kids. They do crafts, he's learning things, and there's 4 other little boys he plays with. Oh, she has two cats :-) One is a kitten she got not too long ago who loves to play with the kids. It's great! Right?
Except that she's been sick 6 days since I started at the beginning of January. She also had two days off for dental surgery. If you're adding it up that's 8 days already, and we're not even done 3 months. She has 8 days of vacation booked so far for the year, and of course 4 days over Christmas. I'm finding it difficult. I only get so much time off in the year, and hate to have to use it all up in such a short time, and to have to still be paying her for the time. I mean I get she's earning a living at this, but it's a lot of money.
And so I'm back to my debate, do I stick this out, or do I start looking again. I have kept his name on the lists with the city for the daycare centres, they don't start until 18 months so it'll be awhile before he can go there any way. There is one right across the street from work, it would be super convenient, but if I am sick and want to stay home in bed, I'd still be taking him there for the day, and then coming home. There is one on the way to work, that I wouldn't get subsidized for, but it costs the same as what I'm paying now, and in a year would go down a bit actually. But he's not on the list.
I guess for now I'm stuck with what I have, and he is happy and learning a lot there so it's not like he's suffering. The problem is with me I guess. Hopefully when the weather gets better she won't be sick so much. Ah the joys of being a mom! and the difficulty having to make all these decisions with no backup. Even having to cover all this extra leave on my own.
I guess it's not all that bad, I do have one friend who has a daughter two months older than my boy, and she still hasn't gone to work because of issues finding daycare, so I've been lucky to find the one I have. Like I said, she is great, and he loves going there. I like the location, it's so convenient, I even manage to fit in a quick workout most nights before going to pick him up. So it's not all bad, just been a bad few months I guess.
I suppose it doesn't help that I have this desire to be able to stay home with him, to be a stay at home mom, but as a single mom there's no chance of that. Not unless I win the lottery :-) Which I guess you have a buy a ticket to do?
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sick baby
Jackson is sick again. He work up last night with a pretty bad fever, and it took awhile to come back down. He was up for awhile, and we both got little sleep. But he seemed fine this morning. Then he didn't eat anything all day except for some strawberries. And his milk. He loves those bottles of milk lol. His fever came back this afternoon, and he didn't nap well. So I got him to bed early, but he woke up after a couple hours sleep, and now is back to bed for the night. I hope.
He had an ear infection about two weeks ago, took his antibiotics, with difficulty, but now I think it's back. So it has me worried, and wondering. Are antibiotics the best choice? The research all seems to be mixed, some say give them, some say don't. I do read about giving probiotics with the antibiotics, so I'll be getting some of those too. It just worries me because it's like he didn't get better, so they don't seem to have worked the first time, does he need stronger ones? More doses? It's so hard to know. I will be calling his doctor tomorrow and hopefully getting him in to be seen.
Having a sick child is really hard. They can't tell you what's wrong so you are left guessing to a certain extent. I mean I can tell when he has a fever, or a runny nose. But the cause of those things, and the other symptoms he can't express, are what worry me. Does his ear hurt? I'm not sure, he's been tapping his head with his palm, like an "it hurts" movement, but is it a headache or an earache? Or just nothing. He had a messy poop, but he hasn't had any real solids in two days, so that's kind of understandable. And probiotics would probably help that.
And of course when toddlers are sick they don't understand why they don't feel good, and why they're so tired, why they can't play all day like they are used to. So they get even crankier, and fight you on going to bed and sleeping. It's hard. It's hard when they don't eat, when they are so little, they can lose weight so easily. He is a big boy, and he normally eats well so I hope that when he feels better he'll get back to his weight. I can't even think of things to offer him that he will eat, and even that isn't working very well. Even water is being turned down. But he is drinking his milk so I feel a bit better because of that.
Hopefully tomorrow we'll find out if it's still his ears or something else. And if he is put on antibiotics again, I'm asking for it to be twice a day instead of three times, three just doesn't work for a toddler. And we're going to get some probiotics, xylitol too if I can find it. Anything I can do to make him healthier and happier I will do. Anything for my baby!
He had an ear infection about two weeks ago, took his antibiotics, with difficulty, but now I think it's back. So it has me worried, and wondering. Are antibiotics the best choice? The research all seems to be mixed, some say give them, some say don't. I do read about giving probiotics with the antibiotics, so I'll be getting some of those too. It just worries me because it's like he didn't get better, so they don't seem to have worked the first time, does he need stronger ones? More doses? It's so hard to know. I will be calling his doctor tomorrow and hopefully getting him in to be seen.
Having a sick child is really hard. They can't tell you what's wrong so you are left guessing to a certain extent. I mean I can tell when he has a fever, or a runny nose. But the cause of those things, and the other symptoms he can't express, are what worry me. Does his ear hurt? I'm not sure, he's been tapping his head with his palm, like an "it hurts" movement, but is it a headache or an earache? Or just nothing. He had a messy poop, but he hasn't had any real solids in two days, so that's kind of understandable. And probiotics would probably help that.
And of course when toddlers are sick they don't understand why they don't feel good, and why they're so tired, why they can't play all day like they are used to. So they get even crankier, and fight you on going to bed and sleeping. It's hard. It's hard when they don't eat, when they are so little, they can lose weight so easily. He is a big boy, and he normally eats well so I hope that when he feels better he'll get back to his weight. I can't even think of things to offer him that he will eat, and even that isn't working very well. Even water is being turned down. But he is drinking his milk so I feel a bit better because of that.
Hopefully tomorrow we'll find out if it's still his ears or something else. And if he is put on antibiotics again, I'm asking for it to be twice a day instead of three times, three just doesn't work for a toddler. And we're going to get some probiotics, xylitol too if I can find it. Anything I can do to make him healthier and happier I will do. Anything for my baby!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Helpful Family, maybe not...
My family has generally been really great since I had my son. My parents helped me out financially while I was on mat leave waiting for my work to start paying my benefits, and letting me visit them quite often. They even got a crib so he doesn't have to sleep in his play pen. My sister was there in the delivery room, though she missed the birth because she went home and they didn't call her back in time. And this probably sounds silly but I'm a little bit angry at her right now.
Two weeks ago I had some hours booked off work, had to be used up or I'd lose them, so I was planning to go to Ikea. My parents sent me money to get Jackson a little table and chairs for Valentine's Day, ok so I was late getting there but it's hard to take a 1-year-old to such a busy store. I was also going to pick one up from them for a friend of their's granddaughter who was turning 1. But then Jackson got sick. And I had to take two days off to stay home with him. I couldn't take him to Ikea sick, and there went the hours I had to use up.
So I called my sister, she works like 5 minutes from Ikea. I sent her the link to the set I wanted, there were 12 in stock, and she could go on her lunch hour, it would take like 15 minutes! But she didn't go. All week. And then this past week she's been off for March break with her two kids, who are 11 & 15. But again, she didn't go. Turns out she didn't really want to go and do this for me. So I made plans, I'm taking baby this morning, as close to when they open as possible, and I'll get a few other things too, since I'll be there any way. But I checked online and they are out of stock now. And they don't have any others that I like, or for a similar price. So what now?
I'm angry. It isn't so much that she didn't do it, more the fact she's complained to my mother that she had to do and didn't want to. Well then don't say you will! If she had said she wouldn't have time or couldn't make it then fine. But to say one thing and then not do it is frustrating to me. I have a limited budget being a single mom, now I have to spend twice as much to get something nice, if they even have one there. And my time is quite busy on the weekends, since I can't go out in the evening to get things done.
Add in all the things I've done for her, and her kids, and it really strikes me that she isn't the same type of person I am. And then I notice all the little things, like how they live a 5 minute drive away but never stop by to see us, and how they only invite us over when it's a special occasion. How she doesn't like some of the things I do with my son, and is quite vocal about the "best" way to raise him. How she doesn't go visit my parents but makes me be the messanger, transporting gifts and things back and forth between them.
So I guess the point of this is that I can't rely on her, so the network I thought I had is one less. Which I suppose is not the end of the world, but it is frustrating. It makes me realize I need to integrate my friends in better, especially the ones who have offered to watch Jackson for me, or pick things up for me. I never take them up on it, but now, I think maybe I need to ask for help, from those who will actually give it.
Two weeks ago I had some hours booked off work, had to be used up or I'd lose them, so I was planning to go to Ikea. My parents sent me money to get Jackson a little table and chairs for Valentine's Day, ok so I was late getting there but it's hard to take a 1-year-old to such a busy store. I was also going to pick one up from them for a friend of their's granddaughter who was turning 1. But then Jackson got sick. And I had to take two days off to stay home with him. I couldn't take him to Ikea sick, and there went the hours I had to use up.
So I called my sister, she works like 5 minutes from Ikea. I sent her the link to the set I wanted, there were 12 in stock, and she could go on her lunch hour, it would take like 15 minutes! But she didn't go. All week. And then this past week she's been off for March break with her two kids, who are 11 & 15. But again, she didn't go. Turns out she didn't really want to go and do this for me. So I made plans, I'm taking baby this morning, as close to when they open as possible, and I'll get a few other things too, since I'll be there any way. But I checked online and they are out of stock now. And they don't have any others that I like, or for a similar price. So what now?
I'm angry. It isn't so much that she didn't do it, more the fact she's complained to my mother that she had to do and didn't want to. Well then don't say you will! If she had said she wouldn't have time or couldn't make it then fine. But to say one thing and then not do it is frustrating to me. I have a limited budget being a single mom, now I have to spend twice as much to get something nice, if they even have one there. And my time is quite busy on the weekends, since I can't go out in the evening to get things done.
Add in all the things I've done for her, and her kids, and it really strikes me that she isn't the same type of person I am. And then I notice all the little things, like how they live a 5 minute drive away but never stop by to see us, and how they only invite us over when it's a special occasion. How she doesn't like some of the things I do with my son, and is quite vocal about the "best" way to raise him. How she doesn't go visit my parents but makes me be the messanger, transporting gifts and things back and forth between them.
So I guess the point of this is that I can't rely on her, so the network I thought I had is one less. Which I suppose is not the end of the world, but it is frustrating. It makes me realize I need to integrate my friends in better, especially the ones who have offered to watch Jackson for me, or pick things up for me. I never take them up on it, but now, I think maybe I need to ask for help, from those who will actually give it.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
My family dream
When I was a little girl I had three cabbage patch dolls, they were of course all the rage at the time, but I find it funny now that I had three. Two boys and girl. You see my "perfect" family, the one I dream of, has three kids in it, two boys and a girl. I have my first little boy, and he is quite awesome. Having him really showed me how much I love being a mom, and how much I want to have more kids. The strange part I guess, is that there is no daddy or husband in my perfect little family dream.
I read about SMC's who gave up their dream family, decided to have a baby on their own and let go of the dream of husband/father. For me, that was never really part of it. I have had relationships, I do like men, and I lived with a guy for about 4 years. But I don't feel like I need one. I will be perfectly happy on my own.
Admittedly there are moments when it would be nice to have another person here, someone to watch the baby so I can run to the store and not drag him out with me, or take the dog for a walk for me. Even just the past few days when he's been so sick with an ear infection and chest cold, it would be nice to have someone else here to cuddle him. But I know I will manage, and survive, and we will be happier for it.
I am a bit sad, I know I don't have the time or finances to have three kids. It makes me sad, but I will work as hard as I can to have a second one at least. I am working on cleaning up my finances, sorting out my debts and saving for what I want. I am sticking to my budget and have made some decisions about saving. I know that I also want to buy a house, but to buy a house before I have another baby means I won't get to do that until I'm 39 or 40... so the baby will likely come first (unless I win the lottery of course!).
I have a list of things I want to do before I have another baby, getting in shape and being healthy is top of the list. Saving a certain amount of money is right up there as well. And timing things so that Jackson is in school when the new baby starts daycare is in there as well. Having the goal of my perfect family makes it a bit easier to do these things. To save when I'd rather buy a new whatever, or eat an apple instead of a cookie. It's also driving me to work hard now, to work on getting a promotion at work and therefore earn more money, who knows, maybe if I do that I can save faster and may have time for a third baby, or to buy a house that much sooner.
I have a 3 year plan, and a longer 5 year goal. I know that by 5 years we will be living in our own home, and by 3 years I will have another baby in my arms. But having those long term goals seem so far off, so I also have some closer ones. Like seeing certain dollar amounts in my savings account, and buying certain items we'll need for the future. Even planning on getting a puppy next summer, Jackson is too young this year but next year he should be bigger and able to talk more.
I am being flexible though, knowing that life changes in a moment, that things can happen that mean you have to spend or save, or change course. All in all, I am happy, and content, but I know that my future holds this family life that I dream of, that my baby boy is just the beginning of it, and that we will be the family I dreamt of all those years ago, playing cabbage patch dolls in the backyard.
I read about SMC's who gave up their dream family, decided to have a baby on their own and let go of the dream of husband/father. For me, that was never really part of it. I have had relationships, I do like men, and I lived with a guy for about 4 years. But I don't feel like I need one. I will be perfectly happy on my own.
Admittedly there are moments when it would be nice to have another person here, someone to watch the baby so I can run to the store and not drag him out with me, or take the dog for a walk for me. Even just the past few days when he's been so sick with an ear infection and chest cold, it would be nice to have someone else here to cuddle him. But I know I will manage, and survive, and we will be happier for it.
I am a bit sad, I know I don't have the time or finances to have three kids. It makes me sad, but I will work as hard as I can to have a second one at least. I am working on cleaning up my finances, sorting out my debts and saving for what I want. I am sticking to my budget and have made some decisions about saving. I know that I also want to buy a house, but to buy a house before I have another baby means I won't get to do that until I'm 39 or 40... so the baby will likely come first (unless I win the lottery of course!).
I have a list of things I want to do before I have another baby, getting in shape and being healthy is top of the list. Saving a certain amount of money is right up there as well. And timing things so that Jackson is in school when the new baby starts daycare is in there as well. Having the goal of my perfect family makes it a bit easier to do these things. To save when I'd rather buy a new whatever, or eat an apple instead of a cookie. It's also driving me to work hard now, to work on getting a promotion at work and therefore earn more money, who knows, maybe if I do that I can save faster and may have time for a third baby, or to buy a house that much sooner.
I have a 3 year plan, and a longer 5 year goal. I know that by 5 years we will be living in our own home, and by 3 years I will have another baby in my arms. But having those long term goals seem so far off, so I also have some closer ones. Like seeing certain dollar amounts in my savings account, and buying certain items we'll need for the future. Even planning on getting a puppy next summer, Jackson is too young this year but next year he should be bigger and able to talk more.
I am being flexible though, knowing that life changes in a moment, that things can happen that mean you have to spend or save, or change course. All in all, I am happy, and content, but I know that my future holds this family life that I dream of, that my baby boy is just the beginning of it, and that we will be the family I dreamt of all those years ago, playing cabbage patch dolls in the backyard.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Love life?
I've been a mommy for over a year now, and I've just started to experience a small desire to be in a couple, to have a significant other. I have absolutely no regrets over my choice to have my son, he's my world and being a mom is the best thing ever. But I kind of wonder about how I handled things when I was first pregnant. I was just starting to date a really nice guy when I found out I was pregnant, that my trying had worked. I never really figured out a way to tell him, to see if it might have worked any way. And then I had my son and he was my focus for a year. Now I'm seeing this guy again, at work, for coffee, and wondering how to handle it. I might like to see if things could go on, if we could manage to make something work. But how to do that? I have a son! I don't have a babysitter!
I think part of my problem is that I know I want to have more kids, yes kids plural lol. But I know that on my own, having one more is the most I could handle, and that would be difficult. If I find a man, fall in love, get married, maybe there's time for another. But the finding, falling in love stuff could take more time than I have.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change my life right now, and most of the time I'm perfectly happy being alone and doing this by myself. I don't really even get lonely per se. But there are moments when it's all a bit much, like I need a break, some kind of help, something. Even having another adult here to talk to would be nice somedays. It's funny too, if I hadn't gone back to work I'd be perfectly happy with my son and I, but now that I'm exposed to adults and conversations, and this one guy, it's changed.
The dilemma I have now is whether to explain things to him, to see if I should, or even could, pursue a relationship with him. Way back two years ago we went out on two dates, and it was nice, I could have liked to go out on more. We had coffee, an occasional lunch, we chatted in emails. It was nice. But I was pregnant. I didn't know at the time of our first date, I was only a few weeks long, and didn't test until after that date. By the second one I was 6 weeks along and knew, but wasn't telling anyone. How do you tell a guy you've gone out with a few times "hey I'm pregnant with my ex's child, he's not involved and I'm doing this on my own, and I'd like to keep dating you, no strings or anything!"
I don't even know who to talk to about this, who to ask for advice. And I'm the type of person who won't really do anything about it any way. I'm rather passive about relationships, I simply wait and see, and then nothing happens really. I know this but can't seem to do anything about it! I could talk to a friend at work but her husband is this guys best friend, so he'd hear about it I'm sure. He's not even my "type"! He's not tall, he's not rough and gruff, he's smart, he's sensible and reliable. He's French, not that that's bad, just not something I thought I'd like. He's also quite proper and responsible, and traditional. I mean the type of guy who is probably waiting until he gets married to "do it". And here I am, single mom, and I do enjoy sex. We're not the same type of people. But I'd really like to see where it goes.
So what to do, I should talk to him. I should step up and tell him, see where it leads. At least figure out if there's anything there to pursue so I can stop stressing over it all if there's not. And if there is something to pursue, then I can figure out how to do that with a baby at home that I don't want to leave. I know there are a lot of single mom's out there who date, it's possible to do. Just probably not with such a young kid at home.
I think part of my problem is that I know I want to have more kids, yes kids plural lol. But I know that on my own, having one more is the most I could handle, and that would be difficult. If I find a man, fall in love, get married, maybe there's time for another. But the finding, falling in love stuff could take more time than I have.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change my life right now, and most of the time I'm perfectly happy being alone and doing this by myself. I don't really even get lonely per se. But there are moments when it's all a bit much, like I need a break, some kind of help, something. Even having another adult here to talk to would be nice somedays. It's funny too, if I hadn't gone back to work I'd be perfectly happy with my son and I, but now that I'm exposed to adults and conversations, and this one guy, it's changed.
The dilemma I have now is whether to explain things to him, to see if I should, or even could, pursue a relationship with him. Way back two years ago we went out on two dates, and it was nice, I could have liked to go out on more. We had coffee, an occasional lunch, we chatted in emails. It was nice. But I was pregnant. I didn't know at the time of our first date, I was only a few weeks long, and didn't test until after that date. By the second one I was 6 weeks along and knew, but wasn't telling anyone. How do you tell a guy you've gone out with a few times "hey I'm pregnant with my ex's child, he's not involved and I'm doing this on my own, and I'd like to keep dating you, no strings or anything!"
I don't even know who to talk to about this, who to ask for advice. And I'm the type of person who won't really do anything about it any way. I'm rather passive about relationships, I simply wait and see, and then nothing happens really. I know this but can't seem to do anything about it! I could talk to a friend at work but her husband is this guys best friend, so he'd hear about it I'm sure. He's not even my "type"! He's not tall, he's not rough and gruff, he's smart, he's sensible and reliable. He's French, not that that's bad, just not something I thought I'd like. He's also quite proper and responsible, and traditional. I mean the type of guy who is probably waiting until he gets married to "do it". And here I am, single mom, and I do enjoy sex. We're not the same type of people. But I'd really like to see where it goes.
So what to do, I should talk to him. I should step up and tell him, see where it leads. At least figure out if there's anything there to pursue so I can stop stressing over it all if there's not. And if there is something to pursue, then I can figure out how to do that with a baby at home that I don't want to leave. I know there are a lot of single mom's out there who date, it's possible to do. Just probably not with such a young kid at home.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Happy Birthday to Me
Today is my birthday. And it's been a good day! Four years ago on my birthday I had a miscarriage, the ones after that were not so good. And then I had a baby. Now I look forward to the big day. It's funny how things can change in a moment. My birthday went from being a horrible day to one that reminds me of everything I love, and how happy I am. I have gone through a lot to get my little family, and look forward to adding to it. My birthday is a reminder that time is ticking along, and I should be doing more to manifest the rest of what I want.
I believe in the power of thought, that dreams and desires can manifest and become real. I believe that you need to know what you want, in detail, and picture it to get it. What I want is a happy family, to me a family has 3 kids. Considering my current age the next two are not so likely to happen, one I should be able to manage. I don't believe that things will necessarily just happen, I do think that people have to do something to help things along, you need to act to make things happen.
Which is why I have a plan, a plan to save money to afford to have another baby (or two lol), and a plan to buy a house. A plan to take my family to Disney at some point, and a plan to retire at 55 and be able to enjoy life. None of it will be easy, on the contrary I have to stick to a strict budget, and forgo things I might like, but my son will not suffer for it, and we will end up happier than ever because of it all.
Today is my birthday, I am 36. My life the past year or so has been wonderful. I may be tired, I may lack sleep, I may be broke a lot. But I am happy. I love my life, being a mommy, having a decent roof over my head, a good enough car. I may not own my own home, or have a brand new car, I may not wear the nicest clothes, or eat fancy foods. But I am happy.
I love that I am a single mom, that it's just me and my son. I look forward to adding another child to our family. People probably would find it strange that I have no desire to add a father/husband to the picture. I know it's not traditional or typical, but it works. I have always done well on my own, being alone but not lonely. This is no different. Today I took my son shopping with me, he was content to sit in his stroller looking around and playing with a toy. He fell asleep in the car on the way home and I carried him in to bed. Sure it would have been easier if I could have left him with someone to go shopping on my own, but with him along I am also more likely to stick to budget, he's a reminder of what I want.
Today is my birthday, and I am happy.
I believe in the power of thought, that dreams and desires can manifest and become real. I believe that you need to know what you want, in detail, and picture it to get it. What I want is a happy family, to me a family has 3 kids. Considering my current age the next two are not so likely to happen, one I should be able to manage. I don't believe that things will necessarily just happen, I do think that people have to do something to help things along, you need to act to make things happen.
Which is why I have a plan, a plan to save money to afford to have another baby (or two lol), and a plan to buy a house. A plan to take my family to Disney at some point, and a plan to retire at 55 and be able to enjoy life. None of it will be easy, on the contrary I have to stick to a strict budget, and forgo things I might like, but my son will not suffer for it, and we will end up happier than ever because of it all.
Today is my birthday, I am 36. My life the past year or so has been wonderful. I may be tired, I may lack sleep, I may be broke a lot. But I am happy. I love my life, being a mommy, having a decent roof over my head, a good enough car. I may not own my own home, or have a brand new car, I may not wear the nicest clothes, or eat fancy foods. But I am happy.
I love that I am a single mom, that it's just me and my son. I look forward to adding another child to our family. People probably would find it strange that I have no desire to add a father/husband to the picture. I know it's not traditional or typical, but it works. I have always done well on my own, being alone but not lonely. This is no different. Today I took my son shopping with me, he was content to sit in his stroller looking around and playing with a toy. He fell asleep in the car on the way home and I carried him in to bed. Sure it would have been easier if I could have left him with someone to go shopping on my own, but with him along I am also more likely to stick to budget, he's a reminder of what I want.
Today is my birthday, and I am happy.
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