When I was a little girl I had three cabbage patch dolls, they were of course all the rage at the time, but I find it funny now that I had three. Two boys and girl. You see my "perfect" family, the one I dream of, has three kids in it, two boys and a girl. I have my first little boy, and he is quite awesome. Having him really showed me how much I love being a mom, and how much I want to have more kids. The strange part I guess, is that there is no daddy or husband in my perfect little family dream.
I read about SMC's who gave up their dream family, decided to have a baby on their own and let go of the dream of husband/father. For me, that was never really part of it. I have had relationships, I do like men, and I lived with a guy for about 4 years. But I don't feel like I need one. I will be perfectly happy on my own.
Admittedly there are moments when it would be nice to have another person here, someone to watch the baby so I can run to the store and not drag him out with me, or take the dog for a walk for me. Even just the past few days when he's been so sick with an ear infection and chest cold, it would be nice to have someone else here to cuddle him. But I know I will manage, and survive, and we will be happier for it.
I am a bit sad, I know I don't have the time or finances to have three kids. It makes me sad, but I will work as hard as I can to have a second one at least. I am working on cleaning up my finances, sorting out my debts and saving for what I want. I am sticking to my budget and have made some decisions about saving. I know that I also want to buy a house, but to buy a house before I have another baby means I won't get to do that until I'm 39 or 40... so the baby will likely come first (unless I win the lottery of course!).
I have a list of things I want to do before I have another baby, getting in shape and being healthy is top of the list. Saving a certain amount of money is right up there as well. And timing things so that Jackson is in school when the new baby starts daycare is in there as well. Having the goal of my perfect family makes it a bit easier to do these things. To save when I'd rather buy a new whatever, or eat an apple instead of a cookie. It's also driving me to work hard now, to work on getting a promotion at work and therefore earn more money, who knows, maybe if I do that I can save faster and may have time for a third baby, or to buy a house that much sooner.
I have a 3 year plan, and a longer 5 year goal. I know that by 5 years we will be living in our own home, and by 3 years I will have another baby in my arms. But having those long term goals seem so far off, so I also have some closer ones. Like seeing certain dollar amounts in my savings account, and buying certain items we'll need for the future. Even planning on getting a puppy next summer, Jackson is too young this year but next year he should be bigger and able to talk more.
I am being flexible though, knowing that life changes in a moment, that things can happen that mean you have to spend or save, or change course. All in all, I am happy, and content, but I know that my future holds this family life that I dream of, that my baby boy is just the beginning of it, and that we will be the family I dreamt of all those years ago, playing cabbage patch dolls in the backyard.
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