Saturday, March 19, 2011

Helpful Family, maybe not...

My family has generally been really great since I had my son.  My parents helped me out financially while I was on mat leave waiting for my work to start paying my benefits, and letting me visit them quite often.  They even got a crib so he doesn't have to sleep in his play pen.  My sister was there in the delivery room, though she missed the birth because she went home and they didn't call her back in time.  And this probably sounds silly but I'm a little bit angry at her right now.

Two weeks ago I had some hours booked off work, had to be used up or I'd lose them, so I was planning to go to Ikea.  My parents sent me money to get Jackson a little table and chairs for Valentine's Day, ok so I was late getting there but it's hard to take a 1-year-old to such a busy store.  I was also going to pick one up from them for a friend of their's granddaughter who was turning 1.  But then Jackson got sick.  And I had to take two days off to stay home with him.  I couldn't take him to Ikea sick, and there went the hours I had to use up. 

So I called my sister, she works like 5 minutes from Ikea.  I sent her the link to the set I wanted, there were 12 in stock, and she could go on her lunch hour, it would take like 15 minutes!  But she didn't go.  All week.  And then this past week she's been off for March break with her two kids, who are 11 & 15.  But again, she didn't go.  Turns out she didn't really want to go and do this for me.  So I made plans, I'm taking baby this morning, as close to when they open as possible, and I'll get a few other things too, since I'll be there any way.  But I checked online and they are out of stock now.  And they don't have any others that I like, or for a similar price.  So what now? 

I'm angry.  It isn't so much that she didn't do it, more the fact she's complained to my mother that she had to do and didn't want to.  Well then don't say you will!  If she had said she wouldn't have time or couldn't make it then fine.  But to say one thing and then not do it is frustrating to me.  I have a limited budget being a single mom, now I have to spend twice as much to get something nice, if they even have one there.  And my time is quite busy on the weekends, since I can't go out in the evening to get things done. 

Add in all the things I've done for her, and her kids, and it really strikes me that she isn't the same type of person I am.  And then I notice all the little things, like how they live a 5 minute drive away but never stop by to see us, and how they only invite us over when it's a special occasion.  How she doesn't like some of the things I do with my son, and is quite vocal about the "best" way to raise him.  How she doesn't go visit my parents but makes me be the messanger, transporting gifts and things back and forth between them. 

So I guess the point of this is that I can't rely on her, so the network I thought I had is one less.  Which I suppose is not the end of the world, but it is frustrating.  It makes me realize I need to integrate my friends in better, especially the ones who have offered to watch Jackson for me, or pick things up for me.  I never take them up on it, but now, I think maybe I need to ask for help, from those who will actually give it. 

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