Single Mother...by choice

When I first got pregnant, by choice, I was excited.  And a little lonely.  My best friend stopped speaking to me, I'd just started a new job (higher pay...woot!) and my family was all busy or lives out of town.  So I started to search for other single moms.  I joined some forums and started reading the posts.  Wow, a lot of single mom's complain about the fact they are single moms!  It was all complaining about the ex or complaining about the lack of money, complaining about the situation... I couldn't take it!  I figured, fine, I won't be able to connect with any single moms.  Alright then.  So I had my son. 

A few months later, after the initial insanely tired, sleep deprivation just doesn't seem like a big enough set of words to describe it, stupor I once again returned to the Internet.  Determined that there had to be some other single mom's out there who were happy about their situation, who maybe even chose it?  And there it was.  Single mom by choice.  Books, groups, even a local group!  Wow!  Mom's just like me! 

Well sort of.  I read more about these amazing moms, the thinkers, triers and doers, the other moms.  And I realized how lucky I had been.  How lucky I am.  I got my son for the price of a pizza and some awkward conversations.  I didn't go to a clinic, or pay for expensive drugs, I didn't have a bunch of tests, and I didn't take a bunch of tries at it. 

The result for me has been two fold.  On the one hand I feel a little bit guilty, that I was lucky and things were so easy for me.  On the other hand I know that having another child is possible, that it's possible to be a single mom to more than one, and I now have the tools and resources to go about it in a different way.  I have also seen these amazing women who persevere, keep trying, iui after iui, then ivf, then donor embryos or eggs, it amazes me the lengths women will go to, to be a mom.  And while I know I can do the same, I certainly want another child to help complete my family, I only hope I have the same strength.  I am truly grateful to have found this group of women, to even know they exist.  It gives me strength and hope, that when I start my journey for a second baby I will have support.  That I am not alone.