Another year is winding down. A decade really. I will soon be 45! Jackson is now 10, double digits! It has been quite a lot. A lot has happened, yet it all still feels the same. Does that make sense? I'm not sure.
This year has been interesting, it started pretty well. We were in a good place in terms of his behaviours. He started the year with comments from teachers that they noticed an improvement in him. We are ending it not that well. He's been on all his devices far too much, and is angry a lot of the time. I try to connect but he rebuffs me a lot. I miss my sweet boy. It's hard, but we continue on.
My goal for the new year is to yell less, to connect more. I'd like to have a game night, and a movie night. To get him to put away the devices and play. I want us to be active together in the summer. Walks, bike rides, whatever.
I have been gaining weight for awhile now, it keeps creeping up and up. I know what I need to do, the doing of it is the hard part. I plan to eat less carbs, meal plan so that leftovers are accounted for and used up. I will start walking again in the spring, and I'd like to do yoga at some point. I should start exercising sooner than spring, but we'll see on that front.
My home, it never quite got sorted when we moved in, and we continued to add to the toys and "stuff" over the years. My parents hired someone to come help me clean it, so I spent two days with her cleaning the whole main level. I tossed so many bags of garbage and she took even more to donate. There is no clutter now, everything has a place. Even the kitchen is organized and feels like I can cook in it! I still have to do the basement and the upstairs, but I feel like I can do it now. I need to focus though, spend a day or even half a day and just get through stuff. I'll have to take care of the donating myself, so it probably won't end up where I would most like it. Only one place comes to pick stuff up, but that is the easiest for sure.
Money, well money sucks. I am very broke. The cruise I wanted to take in March is not going to happen. But I have a goal to move in August or September (depends when the places are ready). So I need to save, first, last, movers, buy boxes, and hire the clutter lady to help me unpack for a day or half a day, so I start at that place in the right way. I have a cruise booked for next December, and we will go on that one. I can do this, save enough for everything and still manage to feed us properly. It will require saying NO to kiddo more often than I do, but it can happen. I have a list of things I want for the new place, and others I think we'll need. The needs come first of course, and whatever else I can get is prioritized.
The decluttering, getting rid of so much stuff, was cathartic, and exhausting at the same time. I feel good about the house now, though it still feels closed off. I do imagine the new place will be easier to organize. There may be some more toys to go. For now though, it works. Being able to cook will help with eating better. Not tripping over things will mean I can vacuum more often. And it will just be better in the long run. Still a ways to go with two thirds not done, but the one third that is done looks much nicer.
The New Year will be about change. I change jobs in late January. We hope to move mid year and I hope to take Jackson out of daycare by late March. That is a big change. Keeping the house clean, eating better, moving more. I can do it all. It sounds big but most are actually small changes.
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Wednesday, December 25, 2019
Merry Christmas 2019
Another Christmas. This one went pretty well this morning, especially compared to last year. Kiddo got things he hadn't asked for but said if he had known he would have asked for them. So that was good! He is playing video games with his friends now, we will head to my sister's this afternoon for dinner and to play some games. He got a few, cribbage, chinese checkers and backgammon. Classics. He got some chocolate bars, some candy of course, and some star wars things. He got two posters for his room, and I got him a weighted blanket which I hope will help him sleep! My parents got him a chromebook to take to school. I wouldn't buy it for him. I just hope he doesn't lose it or have it get stolen or something. Fingers crossed!
My parents were generous to me as well, they got me a really cool red keurig mini, a new fitbit and they are paying to have someone come spend two days getting rid of "stuff" from my house. Which is really cool. She is coming on the 28 & 29th, I am hopeful it will make a difference, and we'll be able to be more comfortable. The lady is great, she has a lot of energy and is very into it. Plus she takes all the stuff away, which is great.
For dinner this year we are having pasta, with a bunch of toppings and sauces, rather than a turkey dinner. I had planned to get a turkey to do for us but never got around to it, so we'll wait I guess, and see what happens. I may get one after Christmas, but we have a few meals in the fridge to cook and eat, so I don't want to waste that. I ordered a meal box this week, to avoid having to shop, but still ended up going for groceries, so that didn't work as well as I hoped! But we have 3 healthy meals for later this week. I will go and get a few other things later this week, pet food mostly. And probably some lunch items for him.
In January and February we will be on a "no buy" challenge, only getting things we NEED. As I try and pay a few things off, and save up to move. That may carry over into March. I will have to stop imagining we can go away at March break though. I love to plan trips, even when we can't actually go on them.
Now I could use a nap! I didn't sleep well, kept expecting him to get up early. He always has a hard time sleeping on Christmas Eve but did well last night. I could really use a nap though. Perhaps I will go lie down for a bit, we have a few hours before we head out again. At least we have two weeks off, no school or work until January!
My parents were generous to me as well, they got me a really cool red keurig mini, a new fitbit and they are paying to have someone come spend two days getting rid of "stuff" from my house. Which is really cool. She is coming on the 28 & 29th, I am hopeful it will make a difference, and we'll be able to be more comfortable. The lady is great, she has a lot of energy and is very into it. Plus she takes all the stuff away, which is great.
For dinner this year we are having pasta, with a bunch of toppings and sauces, rather than a turkey dinner. I had planned to get a turkey to do for us but never got around to it, so we'll wait I guess, and see what happens. I may get one after Christmas, but we have a few meals in the fridge to cook and eat, so I don't want to waste that. I ordered a meal box this week, to avoid having to shop, but still ended up going for groceries, so that didn't work as well as I hoped! But we have 3 healthy meals for later this week. I will go and get a few other things later this week, pet food mostly. And probably some lunch items for him.
In January and February we will be on a "no buy" challenge, only getting things we NEED. As I try and pay a few things off, and save up to move. That may carry over into March. I will have to stop imagining we can go away at March break though. I love to plan trips, even when we can't actually go on them.
Now I could use a nap! I didn't sleep well, kept expecting him to get up early. He always has a hard time sleeping on Christmas Eve but did well last night. I could really use a nap though. Perhaps I will go lie down for a bit, we have a few hours before we head out again. At least we have two weeks off, no school or work until January!
Sunday, December 8, 2019
Ungratefulness
Jackson turns 10 tomorrow. For his party we went to the swimming pool, with 6 of his friends. They had a great time, then ran around the party room. He got a few nerf guns and a couple other presents. I only served cake and koolaid. I had chips but they ate the cake and then ran around so I didn't put them out. I assumed because the party was from 1 to 3, and swimming was the first hour, that at 2 pm I wouldn't need to serve anything lunch like. I guess a couple of the kids at least didn't have lunch. Oops. Oh well.
Today I let him go out with a friend most of the day and then open his present from my parents and one from me. He got a video game he's wanted. He set it up, really excited, and of course it was hard so he lost his temper and wants to sell it. Very frustrating to me. Then the phone I got him, he would rather have my old cellphone than a brand new just for him phone. Of course I set it up with a new child's google account for him, and it won't let him use regular Youtube. Only the kids version, which makes me wonder if that's the version he should have been using for everything. And makes me really angry. Ungrateful child.
I think it's typical really, he doesn't seem to appreciate anything that he has, from the stuff to the trips we've been on. I don't know that I can fix it, or teach it. I'm at a loss and it just really upsets me. I get that he is a child, and children are, by nature, selfish. But he fails to show much empathy or consideration. I know it's part of why he's had such difficulty in school, getting along with others. He is spoiled, gets everything he asks for or wants. Even a chromebook for school. He asked for it, I said no. He asked my mom, and my dad bought him one for Christmas. Why? I have no idea, they have them in the classroom so I don't know why he feels he needs his own. I'm sure it will get lost/broken/stolen.
My parents got a person to help me with my clutter for Christmas. So she came last week to evaluate my spaces and stuff, and she'll be coming for two days over the holidays to help me get rid of as much as possible. I hope it will make a big difference. A lot of the stuff is Jackson's toys, which he won't really have much say over. I would like him to help with two buckets of toys but otherwise I will make the decisions. She was very excited, and energetic and told me I have great space. I hope it will feel better once she's done. And set me up for an easy move next year. Maybe I will hire her to come help me set up the house once I'm moved in.
Now I need to figure out what to do with this stupid phone, it's a good freaking phone, 3 day battery life, nice big screen, good for videos and calls, he doesn't like that it doesn't have a button, well no kidding, they don't have those any more! Even my new one doesn't have that. I just don't know. I guess he's been spoiled for too long. Getting him the phone in the first place probably didn't help. But I can get rid of the home line again.
I wish I hadn't spent so much over the past few months, though I don't feel like I've overspent. I did increase how much I spend on the pets, they are eating better food and it shows. But it means I can't do the March Break cruise I had booked, and that makes me sad. I understand, and it does come down to the choices I've made, but I still wish I could afford to do it. The itinerary is just so nice, and it would be so fun. We'll have to wait until December 2020.
I got the new job, I start late January. The commute and parking will suck, but the job itself should be fun and I'll be around my friends more which will be good for me I hope. My current job has been frustrating and I am very tired of it. I look forward to moving on. Hopefully the new one works out! But if not I'll be back where I know more people and I'm sure will have the chance to move around if I seek it.
Today I let him go out with a friend most of the day and then open his present from my parents and one from me. He got a video game he's wanted. He set it up, really excited, and of course it was hard so he lost his temper and wants to sell it. Very frustrating to me. Then the phone I got him, he would rather have my old cellphone than a brand new just for him phone. Of course I set it up with a new child's google account for him, and it won't let him use regular Youtube. Only the kids version, which makes me wonder if that's the version he should have been using for everything. And makes me really angry. Ungrateful child.
I think it's typical really, he doesn't seem to appreciate anything that he has, from the stuff to the trips we've been on. I don't know that I can fix it, or teach it. I'm at a loss and it just really upsets me. I get that he is a child, and children are, by nature, selfish. But he fails to show much empathy or consideration. I know it's part of why he's had such difficulty in school, getting along with others. He is spoiled, gets everything he asks for or wants. Even a chromebook for school. He asked for it, I said no. He asked my mom, and my dad bought him one for Christmas. Why? I have no idea, they have them in the classroom so I don't know why he feels he needs his own. I'm sure it will get lost/broken/stolen.
My parents got a person to help me with my clutter for Christmas. So she came last week to evaluate my spaces and stuff, and she'll be coming for two days over the holidays to help me get rid of as much as possible. I hope it will make a big difference. A lot of the stuff is Jackson's toys, which he won't really have much say over. I would like him to help with two buckets of toys but otherwise I will make the decisions. She was very excited, and energetic and told me I have great space. I hope it will feel better once she's done. And set me up for an easy move next year. Maybe I will hire her to come help me set up the house once I'm moved in.
Now I need to figure out what to do with this stupid phone, it's a good freaking phone, 3 day battery life, nice big screen, good for videos and calls, he doesn't like that it doesn't have a button, well no kidding, they don't have those any more! Even my new one doesn't have that. I just don't know. I guess he's been spoiled for too long. Getting him the phone in the first place probably didn't help. But I can get rid of the home line again.
I wish I hadn't spent so much over the past few months, though I don't feel like I've overspent. I did increase how much I spend on the pets, they are eating better food and it shows. But it means I can't do the March Break cruise I had booked, and that makes me sad. I understand, and it does come down to the choices I've made, but I still wish I could afford to do it. The itinerary is just so nice, and it would be so fun. We'll have to wait until December 2020.
I got the new job, I start late January. The commute and parking will suck, but the job itself should be fun and I'll be around my friends more which will be good for me I hope. My current job has been frustrating and I am very tired of it. I look forward to moving on. Hopefully the new one works out! But if not I'll be back where I know more people and I'm sure will have the chance to move around if I seek it.
Sunday, November 24, 2019
Winter season and holidays
Winter arrived, then went away a bit. It's cold but we had some rain so all the snow melted. Phew! I am not a cold and snow kind of person, which is strange I'm sure, since I live in Canada after all. Winter of course, means Jackson's birthday party and soon after that Christmas. Which means so much money to spend.
He wanted to see the new Star Wars for his party but they don't do parties over the holidays so we settled on Swimming. It was less expensive than some choices, and I was able to book the date/time that works. He's invited 6 friends, there is room for one more but he'd better decide soon if he wants to add someone. My sister makes the cake, star wars themed of course. I have to get some loot bags or something, and provide some snacks. More money to spend. This time of year is often a struggle with money, especially as Jackson has gotten older and wants less toys and more tech.
This year he wants a laptop, and a cellphone with a data plan. He hasn't decided what to ask Santa for. Yes he still believes. And he is also worried that he'll end up with coal since he's "bad". I am not entirely sure how to proceed, I don't think he is a bad kid, he has some problems of course but in general he does try so hard. And we have been doing a lot better lately as well. My parents gave him their old ipad, with a kid proof case, and so I at least get my lap top back. Though he still wants to use it to play his games. But for now, it is going to help.
I got him a weighted blanket, which I hope will help with sleep, and make life a bit easier in that regard. I had planned to get him a new Xbox controller but I think my parents are doing that to go with the new game they got him as well.
For me, my parents want to pay someone to help me declutter and clean the house. I admit, it gets overwhelming. I am terrible at house work and keeping things neat, I tend to keep some things far longer than I should. I did some work today, cleaning a few things out and ready to recycle on Tuesday. Everything still needs work though, and we need to make room for the tree soon. Probably for next weekend. Not as much to do this year as last for that though, just the recycling I packed up today and somewhere to put the exercise bike. Perhaps that will go down to the basement.
Given how terrible I seem to be at money and cleaning, my desire to expand my family is probably pretty stupid. How would I manage? I admit, the last house was easier to keep neater with the wood floors, much easier to clean. I miss my robot vacuum but it broke and isn't worth it to try and repair. The choppy layout here makes it hard to use that any way. Perhaps it would work in the new place when we get to move next year. At least I hope we get to move next year! I should have saved more I guess, but we have enjoyed travelling. Which we will be doing much less of going forward.
Work is still frustrating. I have an interview on Tuesday for a new position but I'm not sure I am interested. I will talk to the hiring manager and see what it's about and how flexible they are on a few things. Otherwise I will stay where I am through winter at least. I would enjoy what I do if people would actually do their jobs and I didn't feel like I am babysitting them all. Including my boss. If only I was bilingual, I could be the boss. I don't speak french and don't feel like I can learn it, even the language training they would send me on is a year and you can't take vacations or anything. That's hard with a young kid. He is almost 10 now, but still can't stay home alone for any length of time.
2019 is winding down, the year has been interesting. Summer was really good and our Disney trip was awesome. but I wonder if I should have saved that money and done something else with it instead. I got a new car, and it is so awesome. I have spent a lot of time stressed, and it is wearing on me. Jackson has struggled but we seem to be doing better and I hope that continues to improve. I hope that 2020 will be an amazing year and am trying to get us settled to a point where it should be smooth sailing.
He wanted to see the new Star Wars for his party but they don't do parties over the holidays so we settled on Swimming. It was less expensive than some choices, and I was able to book the date/time that works. He's invited 6 friends, there is room for one more but he'd better decide soon if he wants to add someone. My sister makes the cake, star wars themed of course. I have to get some loot bags or something, and provide some snacks. More money to spend. This time of year is often a struggle with money, especially as Jackson has gotten older and wants less toys and more tech.
This year he wants a laptop, and a cellphone with a data plan. He hasn't decided what to ask Santa for. Yes he still believes. And he is also worried that he'll end up with coal since he's "bad". I am not entirely sure how to proceed, I don't think he is a bad kid, he has some problems of course but in general he does try so hard. And we have been doing a lot better lately as well. My parents gave him their old ipad, with a kid proof case, and so I at least get my lap top back. Though he still wants to use it to play his games. But for now, it is going to help.
I got him a weighted blanket, which I hope will help with sleep, and make life a bit easier in that regard. I had planned to get him a new Xbox controller but I think my parents are doing that to go with the new game they got him as well.
For me, my parents want to pay someone to help me declutter and clean the house. I admit, it gets overwhelming. I am terrible at house work and keeping things neat, I tend to keep some things far longer than I should. I did some work today, cleaning a few things out and ready to recycle on Tuesday. Everything still needs work though, and we need to make room for the tree soon. Probably for next weekend. Not as much to do this year as last for that though, just the recycling I packed up today and somewhere to put the exercise bike. Perhaps that will go down to the basement.
Given how terrible I seem to be at money and cleaning, my desire to expand my family is probably pretty stupid. How would I manage? I admit, the last house was easier to keep neater with the wood floors, much easier to clean. I miss my robot vacuum but it broke and isn't worth it to try and repair. The choppy layout here makes it hard to use that any way. Perhaps it would work in the new place when we get to move next year. At least I hope we get to move next year! I should have saved more I guess, but we have enjoyed travelling. Which we will be doing much less of going forward.
Work is still frustrating. I have an interview on Tuesday for a new position but I'm not sure I am interested. I will talk to the hiring manager and see what it's about and how flexible they are on a few things. Otherwise I will stay where I am through winter at least. I would enjoy what I do if people would actually do their jobs and I didn't feel like I am babysitting them all. Including my boss. If only I was bilingual, I could be the boss. I don't speak french and don't feel like I can learn it, even the language training they would send me on is a year and you can't take vacations or anything. That's hard with a young kid. He is almost 10 now, but still can't stay home alone for any length of time.
2019 is winding down, the year has been interesting. Summer was really good and our Disney trip was awesome. but I wonder if I should have saved that money and done something else with it instead. I got a new car, and it is so awesome. I have spent a lot of time stressed, and it is wearing on me. Jackson has struggled but we seem to be doing better and I hope that continues to improve. I hope that 2020 will be an amazing year and am trying to get us settled to a point where it should be smooth sailing.
Monday, November 11, 2019
Winter already?
What is with the weather? A snow storm already, why is it starting so early??? I just do not like winter and snow. Yet I am Canadian, I mean we live in this. I have been here 44 years, I should be used to it! But wow this seems early. I don't know what I am going to do to get through this. I have a hard time going out and even walking in the snow. I don't ski, I don't skate. It will be hard to keep us busy and hopefully active. I hope the roads are ok by morning, or the commute will be terrible and I have a meeting in the afternoon that I need to be at work for. At least it's a short week, only 3 days to get through. But then it's full weeks until Christmas! Ugh again. I may need to take a day off to do my Christmas shopping, sometime in mid-December I guess.
Jackson really wanted a Star Wars birthday with the new movie, but the theatres don't do parties over the holidays so we can't. He's sad. I'm sad. But we'll go see it together. I will get us tickets soon. It will give us something to do over the two weeks off. It meant a back up plan for the party, so we are looking at swimming again. At least he likes to swim and everything. So hopefully that will be fun? It's about the same cost, and same number of kids. If we had a nicer, cleaner, more organized home it would be possible to do a movie party with coming back for cake I guess. But that's not an option this year at least. Maybe if we move.
I wish we could go on a trip this winter. I'm not sure how well I will survive it. I am trying to hold on to the thought of moving, thoughts of having another baby, but what I really want is a cruise and beaches. That's a "right now" kind of thought I guess. What the kid wants, a cell phone with a plan and a new computer. Since he's been using mine, he broke his table, I kind of wish he had his own as well. At least then I wouldn't be spending so much time in the basement. Though the cats are happy about that, they like to play with their toys without the dog trying to get in on the action. He's been playing a lot of fetch in the house, which he seems to love. We thought we lost his ball but found it. Now we have a back up since I bought a new one just in case.
We are going to my parents this weekend, need to stop and get kiddo's new passport photos done as well. Might as well get that sorted. It's hard to believe it was 5 years ago we got his first passport and were getting ready for our first trip. It sparked a love of cruising and Disney. One that I hope we can enjoy many more times.
Jackson really wanted a Star Wars birthday with the new movie, but the theatres don't do parties over the holidays so we can't. He's sad. I'm sad. But we'll go see it together. I will get us tickets soon. It will give us something to do over the two weeks off. It meant a back up plan for the party, so we are looking at swimming again. At least he likes to swim and everything. So hopefully that will be fun? It's about the same cost, and same number of kids. If we had a nicer, cleaner, more organized home it would be possible to do a movie party with coming back for cake I guess. But that's not an option this year at least. Maybe if we move.
I wish we could go on a trip this winter. I'm not sure how well I will survive it. I am trying to hold on to the thought of moving, thoughts of having another baby, but what I really want is a cruise and beaches. That's a "right now" kind of thought I guess. What the kid wants, a cell phone with a plan and a new computer. Since he's been using mine, he broke his table, I kind of wish he had his own as well. At least then I wouldn't be spending so much time in the basement. Though the cats are happy about that, they like to play with their toys without the dog trying to get in on the action. He's been playing a lot of fetch in the house, which he seems to love. We thought we lost his ball but found it. Now we have a back up since I bought a new one just in case.
We are going to my parents this weekend, need to stop and get kiddo's new passport photos done as well. Might as well get that sorted. It's hard to believe it was 5 years ago we got his first passport and were getting ready for our first trip. It sparked a love of cruising and Disney. One that I hope we can enjoy many more times.
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
That time of year
Looking back over the past few years, it seems this is the time of year when I write about how much I wish I'd had another baby. And once again I am feeling it. Why didn't I do this when Jackson was two or three? Why didn't I do it at 41 when I started the process? Fear? Probably. Every step I run into fear. I get scared of the unknown, of how much work it would be, how much money it would cost. I feel like I sabotage any chance of moving forward. I choose vacations and travel over trying. Trips are easy to plan, trying for a baby is hard and full of unknowns. Full of possible disappointment. With Jackson it was easy, it was a decision but not, if it happened great but if not, it was ok.
And now I am 44. And Jackson is almost 10. We were talking about how things would be if he had a baby brother. He said he really wanted to have one. But he wants me to have a baby in December like his birthday, and NOW. And then he got upset he didn't already have a baby brother, not a baby sister. The past couple years have been difficult as we have been working through everything at school. The problems he has had, some other stuff too. The fact I still have to sit with him every night until he falls asleep. How would I manage that with a baby? I am just getting to a point where I stay up past 10, it leaves me exhausted a lot of the time, but I hate having to go to bed at the same time as him or shortly after, leaves me no time to myself. Which I do like. And a baby would impact that as well. It makes sense for us to stay as a family of two. But my heart aches. I have regrets. I feel I have made the wrong choices. Even though every trip has been amazing and fun and so worth it in the moment. The memories, some of the moments on the trips, those have been amazing.
I do feel I've made some poor choices along the way. Even now, I want to move to a newer place, still rent, but it'll cost me so much more, and the place is smaller, with no back yard, though I am terrible at yard work any way. Financially, should I? Probably not. But purchasing a home has gone way up and is out of reach. Homes have increased by $100K over the past few years. It is crazy, my salary hasn't gone up that much! And, as happens when I run into baby fever, I then put all that longing into getting a new pet, so when we move, I want to get another cat. Because 3 cats and a dog just isn't enough! Right? Ha!
The problem with having a baby is it's donor eggs and sperm, and the cost. Over $20K for one lot of eggs/sperm with one FET. Less than I've spent on all our trips combined, but way more than I have access to right now. And getting it? Will take at least a year, which puts me at 45 and makes it harder to do everything. So what do I do? Stick with letting it go, even though I can't (and should talk to someone I guess) or try, and work on my weight, keto diet?, and saving. Which means no trips. But I really want a trip. So am I deflecting my desires? Trying to push the regret away by focusing on a trip, moving, a kitten? And of course also trying to focus on connecting with Jackson, maintaining that and trying to work on it more.
I finally managed to get him a prescription for therapy, but can't convince him to go. I guess I need to get one for myself as well and actually follow through for myself.
As much as I wanted to attempt to adopt, the more I look into it, the more concerned I become. I have my hands full with Jackson's problems, it tries me as a parent. I am not sure I can handle another kid with issues like his, or worse, and that is a concern with adoption.
So here we are, the night before Halloween, and it's supposed to be a rainy one. October almost over, 2019 almost over. And I wish I had a bigger family, and regret my lost chances and the choices I have made. They were my choices, and I live with them.
And now I am 44. And Jackson is almost 10. We were talking about how things would be if he had a baby brother. He said he really wanted to have one. But he wants me to have a baby in December like his birthday, and NOW. And then he got upset he didn't already have a baby brother, not a baby sister. The past couple years have been difficult as we have been working through everything at school. The problems he has had, some other stuff too. The fact I still have to sit with him every night until he falls asleep. How would I manage that with a baby? I am just getting to a point where I stay up past 10, it leaves me exhausted a lot of the time, but I hate having to go to bed at the same time as him or shortly after, leaves me no time to myself. Which I do like. And a baby would impact that as well. It makes sense for us to stay as a family of two. But my heart aches. I have regrets. I feel I have made the wrong choices. Even though every trip has been amazing and fun and so worth it in the moment. The memories, some of the moments on the trips, those have been amazing.
I do feel I've made some poor choices along the way. Even now, I want to move to a newer place, still rent, but it'll cost me so much more, and the place is smaller, with no back yard, though I am terrible at yard work any way. Financially, should I? Probably not. But purchasing a home has gone way up and is out of reach. Homes have increased by $100K over the past few years. It is crazy, my salary hasn't gone up that much! And, as happens when I run into baby fever, I then put all that longing into getting a new pet, so when we move, I want to get another cat. Because 3 cats and a dog just isn't enough! Right? Ha!
The problem with having a baby is it's donor eggs and sperm, and the cost. Over $20K for one lot of eggs/sperm with one FET. Less than I've spent on all our trips combined, but way more than I have access to right now. And getting it? Will take at least a year, which puts me at 45 and makes it harder to do everything. So what do I do? Stick with letting it go, even though I can't (and should talk to someone I guess) or try, and work on my weight, keto diet?, and saving. Which means no trips. But I really want a trip. So am I deflecting my desires? Trying to push the regret away by focusing on a trip, moving, a kitten? And of course also trying to focus on connecting with Jackson, maintaining that and trying to work on it more.
I finally managed to get him a prescription for therapy, but can't convince him to go. I guess I need to get one for myself as well and actually follow through for myself.
As much as I wanted to attempt to adopt, the more I look into it, the more concerned I become. I have my hands full with Jackson's problems, it tries me as a parent. I am not sure I can handle another kid with issues like his, or worse, and that is a concern with adoption.
So here we are, the night before Halloween, and it's supposed to be a rainy one. October almost over, 2019 almost over. And I wish I had a bigger family, and regret my lost chances and the choices I have made. They were my choices, and I live with them.
Sunday, September 29, 2019
Same old
Got a call from the school last week. Jackson has been having a hard time with one of his teachers. He was mean to her and she reported it, which led to the principal calling me to arrange for me to come in and chat. I did that on Friday. Apparently he's been acting out, again, but no one thought to let me know for a month. Which contradicts what I was told on the phone, that he was doing well this year. I know the resource teacher was not in, so I wasn't able to check in with her when he told me he wanted a new teacher, and to not go at all. I wonder if we will go through this every year now? It reminds me of how he was with one of his teachers last year, he hated her at the start, but by the end of the year he was sad to see her leave the school. So somehow she managed to connect with him.
I get it, he's hard to get connected to, he has strong opinions and will call you on anything he feels is unfair. But he gets loud, and the language! He apparently scares the other kids, and the teachers. What can I do about that? I can't force him to respect them. Sure, kids are supposed to, but he is not the kid who does so blindly and you'd better give him a reason to. And if you let him push, he will knock you down.
He has not (yet) missed any school for this though. He is still going to morning daycare, dropped off at 7:30, I work 8 to 4, and he gets home around 4. Unless he goes to play with a friend after school. He wants a real cellphone for this. I've said no. He has my really old s4, which has no plan associated to it, and the battery is dead, doesn't last a full 8 hours. I am considering options. I want to upgrade mine to an s10, and perhaps I will get him a pay as you go plan. There is one through my provider that is good for a year, has 3GB data (for the year), unlimited evening and weekends, plus some minutes for during the day, and I think unlimited texting. He'd have to earn more data, or just not really use that, and use the wifi at home. I'm considering. It would be a Christmas gift I think. So I have time to consider it.
We are taking him to the doctor on Tuesday for his sore feet. They are the bane of bedtime, sore feet, can't sleep, rather thrash around and scream. I lost it on him, cannot handle the screeching. I made him the appointment to miss the least amount of work and school. Then I tried to find solutions (again). And see magnesium may help. I know it helps one calm down, and help fall asleep. Also read it can help with muscle pain and soreness. So. I found him a liquid version and he takes 200 mg about 2 hours before bedtime. Seems to help, sort of? Maybe it's all a placebo but between that and the melatonin, he at least falls asleep better than he was. We will ask the doctor about it, and I also hope to get a referral or prescription for physiologist. Though Jackson will refuse to go.
Also working on connecting with him more. We play board games in the evening, his choice of game. And I try and get him talking more. We are also watching shows together, instead of him watching Youtube. Gives us things to talk about. I look forward to some new shows starting, and the new streaming services that are coming as well. But I am trying to give more compliments, and just generally talk more.
I am still hoping to move in the spring/summer. Not sure exactly where. The new places by his school are very nice, and will be brand new (still being built, not occupied yet). But there are some other places that would be nice as well, I think. Not sure. Perhaps closer to work, or to more work locations? But he doesn't want to change schools and have to make new friends. He would not miss his teachers, though I do wonder if a change would be good. I suspect things would follow him to a new school. Some of the places I've been looking at have pools, dog parks. As long as they have in suite laundry and air conditioning, covered parking, I'm good. Covered parking is, I guess, a nice to have. But laundry is a must have. I'm not using coin, shared machines.
Fall has arrived, the weather is a bit cooler. I guess I'll need to get him pants soon, and snow gear before too long. October, money should improve, or be a disaster. One or the other. My parents bought him a costume for halloween. At least that is taken care of. I will need new boots this year too, my old ones were getting leaky by the end of last year. Mine at least are less expensive. His will probably cost a fortune and only be good for one year.
Summer seemed to hardly last. It was nice but time seems to move very fast. Jackson is almost 10, I am creeping up on 45, and life is not how I thought it would be. I guess it never really is. And it isn't bad per se, just not what I expected. We play the game of life sometimes and I like when my little peg gets to have children fill the car. I wish I had more, but age, money and my health, and my kiddos problems, have hindered that and I have (mostly) accepted it. We have no trip planned for this winter, or at least not one I expect we can afford. I am going to focus on moving, and then we'll see about next winter.
I get it, he's hard to get connected to, he has strong opinions and will call you on anything he feels is unfair. But he gets loud, and the language! He apparently scares the other kids, and the teachers. What can I do about that? I can't force him to respect them. Sure, kids are supposed to, but he is not the kid who does so blindly and you'd better give him a reason to. And if you let him push, he will knock you down.
He has not (yet) missed any school for this though. He is still going to morning daycare, dropped off at 7:30, I work 8 to 4, and he gets home around 4. Unless he goes to play with a friend after school. He wants a real cellphone for this. I've said no. He has my really old s4, which has no plan associated to it, and the battery is dead, doesn't last a full 8 hours. I am considering options. I want to upgrade mine to an s10, and perhaps I will get him a pay as you go plan. There is one through my provider that is good for a year, has 3GB data (for the year), unlimited evening and weekends, plus some minutes for during the day, and I think unlimited texting. He'd have to earn more data, or just not really use that, and use the wifi at home. I'm considering. It would be a Christmas gift I think. So I have time to consider it.
We are taking him to the doctor on Tuesday for his sore feet. They are the bane of bedtime, sore feet, can't sleep, rather thrash around and scream. I lost it on him, cannot handle the screeching. I made him the appointment to miss the least amount of work and school. Then I tried to find solutions (again). And see magnesium may help. I know it helps one calm down, and help fall asleep. Also read it can help with muscle pain and soreness. So. I found him a liquid version and he takes 200 mg about 2 hours before bedtime. Seems to help, sort of? Maybe it's all a placebo but between that and the melatonin, he at least falls asleep better than he was. We will ask the doctor about it, and I also hope to get a referral or prescription for physiologist. Though Jackson will refuse to go.
Also working on connecting with him more. We play board games in the evening, his choice of game. And I try and get him talking more. We are also watching shows together, instead of him watching Youtube. Gives us things to talk about. I look forward to some new shows starting, and the new streaming services that are coming as well. But I am trying to give more compliments, and just generally talk more.
I am still hoping to move in the spring/summer. Not sure exactly where. The new places by his school are very nice, and will be brand new (still being built, not occupied yet). But there are some other places that would be nice as well, I think. Not sure. Perhaps closer to work, or to more work locations? But he doesn't want to change schools and have to make new friends. He would not miss his teachers, though I do wonder if a change would be good. I suspect things would follow him to a new school. Some of the places I've been looking at have pools, dog parks. As long as they have in suite laundry and air conditioning, covered parking, I'm good. Covered parking is, I guess, a nice to have. But laundry is a must have. I'm not using coin, shared machines.
Fall has arrived, the weather is a bit cooler. I guess I'll need to get him pants soon, and snow gear before too long. October, money should improve, or be a disaster. One or the other. My parents bought him a costume for halloween. At least that is taken care of. I will need new boots this year too, my old ones were getting leaky by the end of last year. Mine at least are less expensive. His will probably cost a fortune and only be good for one year.
Summer seemed to hardly last. It was nice but time seems to move very fast. Jackson is almost 10, I am creeping up on 45, and life is not how I thought it would be. I guess it never really is. And it isn't bad per se, just not what I expected. We play the game of life sometimes and I like when my little peg gets to have children fill the car. I wish I had more, but age, money and my health, and my kiddos problems, have hindered that and I have (mostly) accepted it. We have no trip planned for this winter, or at least not one I expect we can afford. I am going to focus on moving, and then we'll see about next winter.
Sunday, September 1, 2019
Summer Disney 2019 Trip
We are home. We flew to Disney on Aug 24 and home yesterday. Kiddo is not good at flying, he threw up before we even got on the planes. But his ears only hurt on the way there so I guess that's better? He just gets very anxious and boom... He does it whether he eats or not, and prefers not to so there is nothing really to throw up. The flights were pretty good otherwise, just about 3 hours, he napped, I read. I could have watched a movie but my headphones never work properly.
We had a blast! We stayed at the All-Star Movies and were close to Music. We normally took buses back to Music as it was closer to the room. We went to all the parks, including water parks. We did all the rides, I think we maybe missed one or two that we had no interest in doing. We got to try a few we'd never done before, and we also got to check out the new Galaxy's Edge. Which was fine. We built a droid that was fun. We got a BB unit and he's a little hard to control, Jackson wants to get an R2 unit next time, we'll see! They are not cheap, especially when you factor in the exchange rate. I guess we'll see :-)
We had the quick service dining plan and while I'm not positive it was worth it, we did take advantage and it was less annoying for me when he didn't actually like what he got. He also ate a few adult meals, even though we paid kid prices for his plan. He finally found a fountain drink he likes. I think we didn't drink enough most days, but it was so nice to not carry a bunch of stuff around. We shared a few meals and didn't really spend anything on food except for one sit down meal, which wasn't very good to be honest. I think next time we will stick with the counter service meals.
I have sore feet, tired legs and oh my there was a lot of laundry from the trip! It was very hot down in Florida so we got very sweaty. And wet, it rained on us a few times. There were also a few rides that got us wet. I managed to get a bad sunburn on my face on Tuesday at the water park, it's still red and peeling, but that was the only burn so I guess that's ok.
We both felt like the trip was over super fast. We think maybe next time we'd want to do 2 weeks and take it slower. But I guess we'll see how that goes :-)
Not sure when our next trip will be, we have a cruise booked over March Break but with everything else I want to do I am not sure we'll go. Perhaps we'll do an all-inclusive this winter instead. Otherwise we have another cruise booked for December 2020 and I want to do that one for sure. Since we will probably be moving next fall, it will get expensive. The new place will require some different furniture and things. I also need a new fitbit since my broke when we got on the plane to come home. At least it survived the trip!
Jackson starts Grade 5 in a few days, he has 3 teachers from what I can tell. Hopefully he will like them, two are new to the school. He has his first male teacher. Fingers crossed for a better year.
I'll need to figure out work as well, my boss is still off (she took 5 weeks and added 3 more). I need to decide if I want to stay where I am, or change positions and move somewhere else. I'd like to be able to have more flexibility in my hours and days off. I'd like to have a more understanding boss and do something I enjoy. I go back to work Thursday, and I'll need to make some decisions then I guess.
We had a blast! We stayed at the All-Star Movies and were close to Music. We normally took buses back to Music as it was closer to the room. We went to all the parks, including water parks. We did all the rides, I think we maybe missed one or two that we had no interest in doing. We got to try a few we'd never done before, and we also got to check out the new Galaxy's Edge. Which was fine. We built a droid that was fun. We got a BB unit and he's a little hard to control, Jackson wants to get an R2 unit next time, we'll see! They are not cheap, especially when you factor in the exchange rate. I guess we'll see :-)
We had the quick service dining plan and while I'm not positive it was worth it, we did take advantage and it was less annoying for me when he didn't actually like what he got. He also ate a few adult meals, even though we paid kid prices for his plan. He finally found a fountain drink he likes. I think we didn't drink enough most days, but it was so nice to not carry a bunch of stuff around. We shared a few meals and didn't really spend anything on food except for one sit down meal, which wasn't very good to be honest. I think next time we will stick with the counter service meals.
I have sore feet, tired legs and oh my there was a lot of laundry from the trip! It was very hot down in Florida so we got very sweaty. And wet, it rained on us a few times. There were also a few rides that got us wet. I managed to get a bad sunburn on my face on Tuesday at the water park, it's still red and peeling, but that was the only burn so I guess that's ok.
We both felt like the trip was over super fast. We think maybe next time we'd want to do 2 weeks and take it slower. But I guess we'll see how that goes :-)
Not sure when our next trip will be, we have a cruise booked over March Break but with everything else I want to do I am not sure we'll go. Perhaps we'll do an all-inclusive this winter instead. Otherwise we have another cruise booked for December 2020 and I want to do that one for sure. Since we will probably be moving next fall, it will get expensive. The new place will require some different furniture and things. I also need a new fitbit since my broke when we got on the plane to come home. At least it survived the trip!
Jackson starts Grade 5 in a few days, he has 3 teachers from what I can tell. Hopefully he will like them, two are new to the school. He has his first male teacher. Fingers crossed for a better year.
I'll need to figure out work as well, my boss is still off (she took 5 weeks and added 3 more). I need to decide if I want to stay where I am, or change positions and move somewhere else. I'd like to be able to have more flexibility in my hours and days off. I'd like to have a more understanding boss and do something I enjoy. I go back to work Thursday, and I'll need to make some decisions then I guess.
Saturday, August 3, 2019
Summer Vacation 2019
Ah summertime. Finally we are both off on vacation! I am so blessed to be able to take 5 weeks off (albeit unpaid but the unpaid parts averaged over the year so it's easier to budget for). My time off started on August 1st and I go back September 5th. Jackson went to my parents on Sunday July 28 and stayed until dinner time July 31. He exhausted my parents, my mom was sick and my dad spent a lot of time with him. It was fun for Jackson I know, but not sure my parents feel they can do it again. I guess we'll see. It certainly helped me out since I didn't have to pay for a whole week of daycare.
My dad took Jackson swimming everyday, there is a place in their town with those water trampolines and Jackson really enjoyed it. My dad didn't have to swim and Jackson made some friends, played with some other kids. I will take him back there at least once before the end of August. Probably twice. They also went to the park, played basketball and kept busy.
Now we are off together. I made some Popsicle sticks with things to do on them, and we choose one to do each day. There are a few free options, and less ones I have to pay for. This has to last 3 weeks now. So far we have gone swimming once, gone to the beach once, and today are going swimming at another location. Tomorrow we will be going on a bike ride, and next Thursday we are going to the water park. Then the following week we will go on a boat tour. Those are the two most expensive options. There are more than a few beach days in there, there are two beaches around here that are free. I don't enjoy swimming in rivers but we aren't exactly near the ocean so it has to do! At least we are keeping busy, and he's not on the xbox for long. No super late nights, just trying to manage I guess. Should be a fun enough summer.
And ends with a Disney trip. Still need to pay for food, I am still debating the dining plan. Quick service version. I think dollar wise it's about the same, but paying it off before we go means I don't have to eat kids meals all the time, and can have an alcoholic beverage once or twice, and the exchange rate fluctuations won't matter. I can call and add it before we go so I still have time to debate it. We will be going to the water parks there, and I am going to get the memory maker as well. Can't wait for the trip, but am also trying to enjoy all the time and activities. I don't want to rush it, and should enjoy the time off.
When I go back to work I will hopefully be rested and able to endure the crazy boss for awhile. Otherwise I will be looking for a new position when I get back. The location and rest of the team are great, but oh the boss... she is enough to make me not want the job, she doesn't allow us to actually DO anything. It's very frustrating. I was hoping when her boss was replaced it would improve but that replacement is temporary until mid-September so it won't really impact anything as far as I am concerned.
Time to go swimming again, I hope I have a clean/dry bathing suit and towels. May need to do some extra laundry this weekend!
My dad took Jackson swimming everyday, there is a place in their town with those water trampolines and Jackson really enjoyed it. My dad didn't have to swim and Jackson made some friends, played with some other kids. I will take him back there at least once before the end of August. Probably twice. They also went to the park, played basketball and kept busy.
Now we are off together. I made some Popsicle sticks with things to do on them, and we choose one to do each day. There are a few free options, and less ones I have to pay for. This has to last 3 weeks now. So far we have gone swimming once, gone to the beach once, and today are going swimming at another location. Tomorrow we will be going on a bike ride, and next Thursday we are going to the water park. Then the following week we will go on a boat tour. Those are the two most expensive options. There are more than a few beach days in there, there are two beaches around here that are free. I don't enjoy swimming in rivers but we aren't exactly near the ocean so it has to do! At least we are keeping busy, and he's not on the xbox for long. No super late nights, just trying to manage I guess. Should be a fun enough summer.
And ends with a Disney trip. Still need to pay for food, I am still debating the dining plan. Quick service version. I think dollar wise it's about the same, but paying it off before we go means I don't have to eat kids meals all the time, and can have an alcoholic beverage once or twice, and the exchange rate fluctuations won't matter. I can call and add it before we go so I still have time to debate it. We will be going to the water parks there, and I am going to get the memory maker as well. Can't wait for the trip, but am also trying to enjoy all the time and activities. I don't want to rush it, and should enjoy the time off.
When I go back to work I will hopefully be rested and able to endure the crazy boss for awhile. Otherwise I will be looking for a new position when I get back. The location and rest of the team are great, but oh the boss... she is enough to make me not want the job, she doesn't allow us to actually DO anything. It's very frustrating. I was hoping when her boss was replaced it would improve but that replacement is temporary until mid-September so it won't really impact anything as far as I am concerned.
Time to go swimming again, I hope I have a clean/dry bathing suit and towels. May need to do some extra laundry this weekend!
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
A New Summer Camp
This week Jackson is attending a new day camp. I wanted him to try some out this summer in preparation for next summer when daycare won't be an option. And because I think he finds daycare boring, if also familiar. I signed him up for an adventure, swimming camp this week, and next week he has an active gamer camp. This week, he is exhausted! Which I take as a very good sign. He is playing, being active, swimming and has made some friends. He falls asleep quickly, and is in an agreeable mood most of the time. Apparently exhaustion is the key to us getting along...
I am very glad I pushed him to try the new camps, wish I could switch his last week of daycare to the other camp but I've already paid for daycare so it's not going to happen this week. Perhaps though it will be an option for March Break or a week at Christmas, we'll see!
He was very nervous, and anxious, about the new camp. So we talked it through, and he felt better about it. When I dropped him off the first day there were a few tables with activities set up, and a few kids already playing. I saw him getting ready to ask not to go or for me to stay but he took a breathe and went to a table. When I asked him about it later he said he doesn't like to join a group already playing and prefers to have people join him or invite him to join. That's fair. When I picked him up he was playing soccer with a few other boys, and wanted to stay a bit longer. I'm very glad he had fun, it makes the week a lot easier! Hopefully next week goes as well. Having this experience does have a benefit for him as well, he knows he can do it now.
We are working on his anxiety. I got a workbook and we have been going through it. The past few nights he has been too tired, so we'll wait until he's not so tired to keep going. I am not sure it is really helping, but he is asking to keep going so I hope so! We do worry time, and spend 15 minutes or so talking about whatever worries him. We'll have to deal with flying soon, at least before the trip.
And then next trip, in winter. I'll have to wait and see. Do we do another trip? the one I already have booked or something less expensive? Or do we save the money, perhaps move next summer, or maybe plan for a baby? It's possible, but expensive. I am glad to be having at least this one more trip with him, and really enjoying it. Then I will see what the future holds.
Work has been a struggle, but my boss is off for 5 or 6 weeks, and I will also be off, so I won't see her for almost two months! Thank goodness. When I return I will see if anything has changed, and then find something else. I do wish I could stay in the location, but if not, I will figure it out.
I am very glad I pushed him to try the new camps, wish I could switch his last week of daycare to the other camp but I've already paid for daycare so it's not going to happen this week. Perhaps though it will be an option for March Break or a week at Christmas, we'll see!
He was very nervous, and anxious, about the new camp. So we talked it through, and he felt better about it. When I dropped him off the first day there were a few tables with activities set up, and a few kids already playing. I saw him getting ready to ask not to go or for me to stay but he took a breathe and went to a table. When I asked him about it later he said he doesn't like to join a group already playing and prefers to have people join him or invite him to join. That's fair. When I picked him up he was playing soccer with a few other boys, and wanted to stay a bit longer. I'm very glad he had fun, it makes the week a lot easier! Hopefully next week goes as well. Having this experience does have a benefit for him as well, he knows he can do it now.
We are working on his anxiety. I got a workbook and we have been going through it. The past few nights he has been too tired, so we'll wait until he's not so tired to keep going. I am not sure it is really helping, but he is asking to keep going so I hope so! We do worry time, and spend 15 minutes or so talking about whatever worries him. We'll have to deal with flying soon, at least before the trip.
And then next trip, in winter. I'll have to wait and see. Do we do another trip? the one I already have booked or something less expensive? Or do we save the money, perhaps move next summer, or maybe plan for a baby? It's possible, but expensive. I am glad to be having at least this one more trip with him, and really enjoying it. Then I will see what the future holds.
Work has been a struggle, but my boss is off for 5 or 6 weeks, and I will also be off, so I won't see her for almost two months! Thank goodness. When I return I will see if anything has changed, and then find something else. I do wish I could stay in the location, but if not, I will figure it out.
Saturday, July 6, 2019
Hot summer time
School is over. Summer has arrived. It has been super hot and humid here the past week. I believe it's supposed to break tomorrow, so I'll be able to get the dog out for walks again. We have missed a few days, the pavement is just too hot for his poor feet and it doesn't even cool off over night. I don't mind for me so much, I could go for walks in this weather any way, but I feel bad taking the dog out in it (he's black and it just makes him roast). So we played fetch and he played with some toys, and I'll give him a frozen bone this afternoon to chew on.
We are really looking forward to the Disney trip at the end of August. I'm getting tickets for the halloween party through airmiles so they'll be free, that's a nice little savings, and a fun way to end the trip. Pay in full day is approaching, but I have two pay cheques in between so it will be fine. Flights are booked already, we got the fastpasses I wanted and a few dining reservations, mostly for quick service places but it gives us a guaranteed place to sit, and once we order they bring us the food.
Trying to change banks is a tricky business. I got all the card/cheques/stuff from the new bank, so once I get paid on Wednesday I'll change my account for my pay, and start from there... hopefully it all goes smoothly but you never know I guess! I look forward to not paying the bank.
I have been busy planning trips, so I don't focus on things I don't want to deal with. Like kiddo's problems, or the fact I still wish I had a bigger family. Realizing that some of the difficulties so far in parenting have been due to the diagnoses and wondering if another child would have been as hard. I suspect it would have been different and perhaps hard in other ways, but a lot of the difficulties would not have been a given the second time around. The problem now is cost, and if I want to have another I have to stop with the trips. But if it doesn't work I will have not gone on these trips that we would both enjoy. I will make a further decision in the fall, after Disney and after we are both seeing someone. I intend to also seek a therapist to help me deal with all of this, from his issues to my own thoughts and wishes. No trips would mean I could afford to do at least one round of donor eggs in Syracuse.
I will take him to the doctor in early August for a referral/prescription, get one for myself as well, and go from there. I know there are going to be waiting lists but I don't think it will be that bad. I will ask the doctor about medication for him, though I don't really think it will help. We have been working on his anxiety, and doing a workbook I found on amazon. So far I'm not sure if it really helps but it gives us a starting point to think and talk about.
He has camp next week, a different place than he usually goes in summer. I know he will have fun, there is swimming daily, and a field trip on Wednesday. He will be with kids 8 to 10 years old, and they will be active all day. I am crossing my fingers he will really enjoy it so he can go next year as well.
He's learned how to make instant rice and chicken noodle soup now. He can do popcorn in the microwave, make toast and microwave a hot dog. My mom will teach him a few things, like scrambled eggs, when he's there with her at the end of the month. Now to teach him to do laundry :-) He already likes to clean toilets, vacuuming is too loud though. He needs to learn a few skills, he is almost 10!
We are really looking forward to the Disney trip at the end of August. I'm getting tickets for the halloween party through airmiles so they'll be free, that's a nice little savings, and a fun way to end the trip. Pay in full day is approaching, but I have two pay cheques in between so it will be fine. Flights are booked already, we got the fastpasses I wanted and a few dining reservations, mostly for quick service places but it gives us a guaranteed place to sit, and once we order they bring us the food.
Trying to change banks is a tricky business. I got all the card/cheques/stuff from the new bank, so once I get paid on Wednesday I'll change my account for my pay, and start from there... hopefully it all goes smoothly but you never know I guess! I look forward to not paying the bank.
I have been busy planning trips, so I don't focus on things I don't want to deal with. Like kiddo's problems, or the fact I still wish I had a bigger family. Realizing that some of the difficulties so far in parenting have been due to the diagnoses and wondering if another child would have been as hard. I suspect it would have been different and perhaps hard in other ways, but a lot of the difficulties would not have been a given the second time around. The problem now is cost, and if I want to have another I have to stop with the trips. But if it doesn't work I will have not gone on these trips that we would both enjoy. I will make a further decision in the fall, after Disney and after we are both seeing someone. I intend to also seek a therapist to help me deal with all of this, from his issues to my own thoughts and wishes. No trips would mean I could afford to do at least one round of donor eggs in Syracuse.
I will take him to the doctor in early August for a referral/prescription, get one for myself as well, and go from there. I know there are going to be waiting lists but I don't think it will be that bad. I will ask the doctor about medication for him, though I don't really think it will help. We have been working on his anxiety, and doing a workbook I found on amazon. So far I'm not sure if it really helps but it gives us a starting point to think and talk about.
He has camp next week, a different place than he usually goes in summer. I know he will have fun, there is swimming daily, and a field trip on Wednesday. He will be with kids 8 to 10 years old, and they will be active all day. I am crossing my fingers he will really enjoy it so he can go next year as well.
He's learned how to make instant rice and chicken noodle soup now. He can do popcorn in the microwave, make toast and microwave a hot dog. My mom will teach him a few things, like scrambled eggs, when he's there with her at the end of the month. Now to teach him to do laundry :-) He already likes to clean toilets, vacuuming is too loud though. He needs to learn a few skills, he is almost 10!
Friday, June 28, 2019
Answers and more questions
Well summer vacation has arrived! School's done for another year, grade 4 is over. Jackson is excited that it's over, but worried about the day camps we have scheduled for this year. He is concerned about not knowing anyone in the new places, but I think he will do ok. I do know we'll have some problems but in small doses, he usually makes friends. At least he always does on our trips so I assume a week of camp will be the same.
I met with the school psychologist and she is sending me a written report. Basically he has ADHD and ODD, as well as high anxiety. She and the resource teacher will have discussions with his grade 5 teacher in the fall to ensure they are able to deal with him in a productive way, and he'll be tested further for "giftedness" because he did really well on the intelligence tests. All but one area which I know was because he shut down for that set of questions, he couldn't remember how to do it so rather than risk being wrong he simply wouldn't answer. I will also go to his family doctor and get him a referral to a psychologist so I can use my coverage and then find one who works with kids, and find the money and time to get him in to see them! Once I get that written report so they have a good starting point.
For the summer, after this "fun weekend" I have a book for him to work through on anxiety and a book to help him learn his times tables. I think he would do better in math if he had that memorized. I was considering getting one to help him learn cursive since they don't teach that any more, but I don't want to put too much on him. His reading is a few levels above where he needs to be, but his penmanship is bad. I think we'll work on his anxiety and help him learn some ways to calm down, and hopefully that will lessen the other problems.
I guess his diagnosis explains a lot about his behaviour. There are still some things I find strange, and difficult to deal with. Hopefully seeing someone will help us both. He tends to get obsessed with things and can't think about anything else. I know I do that at time as well but I have learned to deal with it. He needs to learn to control his temper, and to pick up on social queues from others. Without taking it all so personally. Or blaming everyone else.
I am super excited for the summer, especially the time off in August, and the trip to Disney. We got the fast passes I wanted, and other than paying it off, are all set! I have started some workouts, on top of the walks I've been doing with the dog, trying to get my steps in. I am trying to watch what I eat, keto would be ideal but is hard to follow on a very tight budget, so I do my best.
When we go back to it in the fall I will be looking for a new position. I am not happy where I am, all because of the boss. My manager is so frustrating, she is rude and some of the things she says, the way she handles situations, could be seen as abusive. She has already driven multiple people from the project. It sucks because the location is awesome for me. One of my colleagues has spoken to the union about her already. It is a shame when one person ruins things for others. She is on vacation in two weeks, so I just need to make it to then and it will be a break. Maybe that will help? I'm not sure. I am kind of at a point where I don't feel I should have to put up with this type of treatment.
I think my new car gave me new ideas. I feel like I finally got the car I want, so I should get all the things I want. I'm changing banks, which is a lot of work and timing, because my bank raised my monthly fees, so now I'll be switching to one that has no fees. It's a pain but it will be better in the end. I am trying to get rid of stuff in the house, clean it up, and still hoping to move. Even though it will cost more, the house it self will be what I want, open and the right size, nice finishes, just more what I want. I do not want to buy, homes keep going up and up, and what I want is now much more expensive than it was. I know I can't afford it and I'm not sure I care. I am actually considering that instead I'd prefer to buy a cottage. There are a few cottage "resorts" around that have places at reasonable prices. We could spend weekends all from spring through fall, and at least a few weeks in the summer there. I am sure he'd make friends. I can take the dog, and the cats for those times we spend longer. But maybe if we have a nice home I won't want to? I guess we'll see.
I met with the school psychologist and she is sending me a written report. Basically he has ADHD and ODD, as well as high anxiety. She and the resource teacher will have discussions with his grade 5 teacher in the fall to ensure they are able to deal with him in a productive way, and he'll be tested further for "giftedness" because he did really well on the intelligence tests. All but one area which I know was because he shut down for that set of questions, he couldn't remember how to do it so rather than risk being wrong he simply wouldn't answer. I will also go to his family doctor and get him a referral to a psychologist so I can use my coverage and then find one who works with kids, and find the money and time to get him in to see them! Once I get that written report so they have a good starting point.
For the summer, after this "fun weekend" I have a book for him to work through on anxiety and a book to help him learn his times tables. I think he would do better in math if he had that memorized. I was considering getting one to help him learn cursive since they don't teach that any more, but I don't want to put too much on him. His reading is a few levels above where he needs to be, but his penmanship is bad. I think we'll work on his anxiety and help him learn some ways to calm down, and hopefully that will lessen the other problems.
I guess his diagnosis explains a lot about his behaviour. There are still some things I find strange, and difficult to deal with. Hopefully seeing someone will help us both. He tends to get obsessed with things and can't think about anything else. I know I do that at time as well but I have learned to deal with it. He needs to learn to control his temper, and to pick up on social queues from others. Without taking it all so personally. Or blaming everyone else.
I am super excited for the summer, especially the time off in August, and the trip to Disney. We got the fast passes I wanted, and other than paying it off, are all set! I have started some workouts, on top of the walks I've been doing with the dog, trying to get my steps in. I am trying to watch what I eat, keto would be ideal but is hard to follow on a very tight budget, so I do my best.
When we go back to it in the fall I will be looking for a new position. I am not happy where I am, all because of the boss. My manager is so frustrating, she is rude and some of the things she says, the way she handles situations, could be seen as abusive. She has already driven multiple people from the project. It sucks because the location is awesome for me. One of my colleagues has spoken to the union about her already. It is a shame when one person ruins things for others. She is on vacation in two weeks, so I just need to make it to then and it will be a break. Maybe that will help? I'm not sure. I am kind of at a point where I don't feel I should have to put up with this type of treatment.
I think my new car gave me new ideas. I feel like I finally got the car I want, so I should get all the things I want. I'm changing banks, which is a lot of work and timing, because my bank raised my monthly fees, so now I'll be switching to one that has no fees. It's a pain but it will be better in the end. I am trying to get rid of stuff in the house, clean it up, and still hoping to move. Even though it will cost more, the house it self will be what I want, open and the right size, nice finishes, just more what I want. I do not want to buy, homes keep going up and up, and what I want is now much more expensive than it was. I know I can't afford it and I'm not sure I care. I am actually considering that instead I'd prefer to buy a cottage. There are a few cottage "resorts" around that have places at reasonable prices. We could spend weekends all from spring through fall, and at least a few weeks in the summer there. I am sure he'd make friends. I can take the dog, and the cats for those times we spend longer. But maybe if we have a nice home I won't want to? I guess we'll see.
Saturday, June 22, 2019
The game console test
I took away the xbox completely for a week in mid-May. It was taken away and put in a box in the basement. He was calmer, and after the week I let him have it back upstairs. But with strictly limited time to use it, and the threat of putting it away again. I was supposed to take away all his devices for 3 weeks, but after the one day he couldn't have his tablet when he completely lost it and threatened me, and himself, I relented and allowed him to keep the tablet but with less time on it.
He would use it on the weekend for a little, maybe an hour or two playing with friends. Things were going better, we watch shows together in the evening, we talk, he's been playing outside with friends.
The past few days I have let him play a particular game (not the one that I think cause so many problems before) and today it was too much. The game wasn't doing what he wanted and he lost him temper, ending with him throwing the controller into the kitchen where the back came off, the batteries scattered and much yelling and name calling ensued. He told me I had to find the piece that he can't, though I am not the one who threw it nor the one who caused the tantrum. I was bearing the brunt of it though. Called many names, and generally spoken to in a rude manner.
So no more machine today, and likely not tomorrow either. I wish he'd go out and play but his friends are away for the day so there's no one to play with, and his other friends live further away and aren't allowed to go out riding bikes without parents.
I'm sure we'll have a rough afternoon now, but he's upstairs in his room to calm down.
My thoughts now are he still isn't ready to play on the machine. And I'd like it to go in the basement again. It probably will when holidays start, because it ruined last summer for us and I won't let that happen again.
I do have a meeting with the school psychologist on Monday to hear the results of his assessment, and see what plans might be put in place for grade 5. From there, we'll see what happens!
He would use it on the weekend for a little, maybe an hour or two playing with friends. Things were going better, we watch shows together in the evening, we talk, he's been playing outside with friends.
The past few days I have let him play a particular game (not the one that I think cause so many problems before) and today it was too much. The game wasn't doing what he wanted and he lost him temper, ending with him throwing the controller into the kitchen where the back came off, the batteries scattered and much yelling and name calling ensued. He told me I had to find the piece that he can't, though I am not the one who threw it nor the one who caused the tantrum. I was bearing the brunt of it though. Called many names, and generally spoken to in a rude manner.
So no more machine today, and likely not tomorrow either. I wish he'd go out and play but his friends are away for the day so there's no one to play with, and his other friends live further away and aren't allowed to go out riding bikes without parents.
I'm sure we'll have a rough afternoon now, but he's upstairs in his room to calm down.
My thoughts now are he still isn't ready to play on the machine. And I'd like it to go in the basement again. It probably will when holidays start, because it ruined last summer for us and I won't let that happen again.
I do have a meeting with the school psychologist on Monday to hear the results of his assessment, and see what plans might be put in place for grade 5. From there, we'll see what happens!
Saturday, June 15, 2019
What's been going on
We've had a bit of a rough time. I ended up putting the Xbox away, and he hasn't been allowed to play much more than an hour a week or less since. He is still on his tablet an awful lot, but he also is just generally being much more agreeable and we are getting along better. School seems to be going better, right before the year wraps up. That is good news, he is even getting along with his math teacher! Which I never thought would happen. She is leaving at the end of the school year though, which is too bad. Now. It takes Jackson awhile to warm up to teachers and get along.
After all the struggle, the school psychologist evaluated him. I have a meeting Monday the 25th to get the results. After the extra questions she had for me I suspect they think he's at least mildly autistic. I'll find out details at the meeting I guess. I would say I suspect he has some problems, obviously, but he speaks well, is intelligent and has friends at school. He is just lacking some social maturity, and he needs some help with learning a few things.
The changes since taking away the damn box have been remarkable though. It's amazing. I have my kid back. If we hadn't had such a rough year with his behaviour, I probably would have found a way to have another baby. But when everything was so hard, I just didn't see how I could deal with the language, the violent behaviour, the trouble, and be pregnant or have a newborn. I know that I will have regrets because of this, the whole thing. I feel like I should have noticed something sooner with Jackson's behaviour, gotten him help earlier. I should have had another child much sooner, and should have done so many things differently.
As it stands, we have trips booked for August, March and December 2020. The March trip I am debating cancelling, even though I will lose the deposit, and even though I want to go. It's going to be a pricey trip, and we are maybe going to move, I'm not sure we can afford to do it all.
We are going to Disney at the end of August, and I can't wait. It will be a great trip, even though the new Star Wars land is opening and will impact the crowds. We will be able to do all the rides, check out the water parks, and try some new things. I had hoped to lose some weight before we go, but as we are not at 70 days, and I haven't, I'm thinking it won't happen. But my step counts have been good and I think that will be helpful for this trip. I do have some time left to try and lose more, just not sure it will happen.
As for moving, there are some new places being built right beside his school. They are rentals, and there are not too many being built with garages, but they are going to be very nice. And new, with nice features. Probably cost more than I am paying now. But I am so tempted to move. It would be downsizing, the places are smaller than this one. Which is honestly more house than we need. And the backyard is so much work. The new places have a balcony and a small front yard, but no backyard. They are right beside the park though, and places to walk the dog. With the downsizing we have a lot to get rid of. But I was planning to do that any way, try and sell some items, including a lot of toys. Since I have no future baby there is no need to keep a lot of the things. The town home I'm looking at has 2 bedrooms, which is all we need. They do have some 3-bedroom places as well, but they will cost more. Might be nice? Not sure. We'll see. Either way, they are smaller than this home.
Work has been truly frustrating. My boss is just horrible, and the project is all over the place. I am not sure I can see it working well in the end, which is really annoying. I am not sure what to do. But since I have about 7 weeks until my summer vacation I am trying to wait until that is over and I get back to find something new. I have done a little amount of looking but nothing too much. And she goes on vacation before me, so I really only have 4 weeks left of dealing with her, and struggling to try and get things improved on the project.
In happier news, I got a new car and I love it. It's tangerine orange, a Kona, and it is super cute. I just feel happy when I see it and drive it. I am so glad I got it. Still about the same payments I had on the last one, insurance came down, and the mileage is great. Very happy to have the new car. It's smaller than the last one too, so will hopefully fit better in the garage.
After all the struggle, the school psychologist evaluated him. I have a meeting Monday the 25th to get the results. After the extra questions she had for me I suspect they think he's at least mildly autistic. I'll find out details at the meeting I guess. I would say I suspect he has some problems, obviously, but he speaks well, is intelligent and has friends at school. He is just lacking some social maturity, and he needs some help with learning a few things.
The changes since taking away the damn box have been remarkable though. It's amazing. I have my kid back. If we hadn't had such a rough year with his behaviour, I probably would have found a way to have another baby. But when everything was so hard, I just didn't see how I could deal with the language, the violent behaviour, the trouble, and be pregnant or have a newborn. I know that I will have regrets because of this, the whole thing. I feel like I should have noticed something sooner with Jackson's behaviour, gotten him help earlier. I should have had another child much sooner, and should have done so many things differently.
As it stands, we have trips booked for August, March and December 2020. The March trip I am debating cancelling, even though I will lose the deposit, and even though I want to go. It's going to be a pricey trip, and we are maybe going to move, I'm not sure we can afford to do it all.
We are going to Disney at the end of August, and I can't wait. It will be a great trip, even though the new Star Wars land is opening and will impact the crowds. We will be able to do all the rides, check out the water parks, and try some new things. I had hoped to lose some weight before we go, but as we are not at 70 days, and I haven't, I'm thinking it won't happen. But my step counts have been good and I think that will be helpful for this trip. I do have some time left to try and lose more, just not sure it will happen.
As for moving, there are some new places being built right beside his school. They are rentals, and there are not too many being built with garages, but they are going to be very nice. And new, with nice features. Probably cost more than I am paying now. But I am so tempted to move. It would be downsizing, the places are smaller than this one. Which is honestly more house than we need. And the backyard is so much work. The new places have a balcony and a small front yard, but no backyard. They are right beside the park though, and places to walk the dog. With the downsizing we have a lot to get rid of. But I was planning to do that any way, try and sell some items, including a lot of toys. Since I have no future baby there is no need to keep a lot of the things. The town home I'm looking at has 2 bedrooms, which is all we need. They do have some 3-bedroom places as well, but they will cost more. Might be nice? Not sure. We'll see. Either way, they are smaller than this home.
Work has been truly frustrating. My boss is just horrible, and the project is all over the place. I am not sure I can see it working well in the end, which is really annoying. I am not sure what to do. But since I have about 7 weeks until my summer vacation I am trying to wait until that is over and I get back to find something new. I have done a little amount of looking but nothing too much. And she goes on vacation before me, so I really only have 4 weeks left of dealing with her, and struggling to try and get things improved on the project.
In happier news, I got a new car and I love it. It's tangerine orange, a Kona, and it is super cute. I just feel happy when I see it and drive it. I am so glad I got it. Still about the same payments I had on the last one, insurance came down, and the mileage is great. Very happy to have the new car. It's smaller than the last one too, so will hopefully fit better in the garage.
Friday, February 1, 2019
Steady On
I've been doing pretty well with keeping up with the exercise. I'm not doing a lot but have been trying to do something, even when I can't get up early enough to do it, but do it after dinner. That is hard sometimes, but I've been doing at least 5 days a week. It's only been 3 weeks so far but going well! I am feeling more able to keep up. The problem this week was my knees hurt, so I guess I was doing something too much. I've also been doing weight watchers online, though not perhaps as well as I should be. It's frustrating and a lot of it feels like I'm eating wrong, so it's hard to keep up with. We'll see how it goes. I only signed up for 3 months. I am not sure I am learning anything from it.
Winter has been rough. It has been very cold, and a lot of snow! It is unusual for so much snow in such cold temperatures here, I guess that's climate change? It is going to warm up next week for a few days. I've had to shovel a lot, which is annoying! I will try and hire someone next winter, at least I can see this year who is doing a good job so I know who to hire.
Work is work. It's been a struggle sometimes. My boss is a bit nuts, and things on the project are not really going well with her involvement. I may have some choices coming up in regards to positions, we'll see what happens. I have asked my boss if I can work from home in the morning and still work a full day. She has to talk to her boss apparently. The reason I want to is all for the child. He hates daycare but I don't feel he is ready to get himself to school. So I am trying to solve the problem, though really I just want to tell him to get over it. Apparently that's not how it works? I don't know! Any way. If it works out great, and if not I will have to re-evaluate my options. I like being able to work the extra 30 minutes most days so that I can use the banked time for PD days. Hopefully I'll be able to save up enough vacation to still take 3 weeks off this summer without having to take unpaid leave.
We are going to Disney in August, but I have changed us from one resort to a less expensive one. It is less convenient to the parks but still has a water slide, some nice places to eat and we'll be staying in a new room. It should be nice, and fun! I imagine it will be the last time for awhile. We will stick to cruising after this. Four years ago is when we went on the first trip... and I am still hooked!
Jackson has been having some issues, I still hate the xbox, and I am not sure I like him even having one. However, I can't bring myself to have the fight and take it away. I have limited how much he can use it, but we still fight about it constantly. If I am able to change my work arrangement, we will hopefully be able to have fewer fights. Right now, I'd like to go to bed and he wants to play his game. I'd also like to be able to catch up on some TV as well. Perhaps I need to get another TV for me? I don't like them in bedrooms but... maybe being able to watch Netflix in my room wouldn't be so bad?
I meet again with the school next week, on my birthday actually. Hopefully it goes well, just a touch base and meet the new vice principal. He started the new year doing well but I think it may have gone downhill from then. He has sick two days last week, then we had a couple snow days, and I missed a week of work! Terrible. If he didn't have to go to daycare I think he wouldn't be sick so often. I am sure it's more that he hates school than anything else.
At least it's the weekend!
Winter has been rough. It has been very cold, and a lot of snow! It is unusual for so much snow in such cold temperatures here, I guess that's climate change? It is going to warm up next week for a few days. I've had to shovel a lot, which is annoying! I will try and hire someone next winter, at least I can see this year who is doing a good job so I know who to hire.
Work is work. It's been a struggle sometimes. My boss is a bit nuts, and things on the project are not really going well with her involvement. I may have some choices coming up in regards to positions, we'll see what happens. I have asked my boss if I can work from home in the morning and still work a full day. She has to talk to her boss apparently. The reason I want to is all for the child. He hates daycare but I don't feel he is ready to get himself to school. So I am trying to solve the problem, though really I just want to tell him to get over it. Apparently that's not how it works? I don't know! Any way. If it works out great, and if not I will have to re-evaluate my options. I like being able to work the extra 30 minutes most days so that I can use the banked time for PD days. Hopefully I'll be able to save up enough vacation to still take 3 weeks off this summer without having to take unpaid leave.
We are going to Disney in August, but I have changed us from one resort to a less expensive one. It is less convenient to the parks but still has a water slide, some nice places to eat and we'll be staying in a new room. It should be nice, and fun! I imagine it will be the last time for awhile. We will stick to cruising after this. Four years ago is when we went on the first trip... and I am still hooked!
Jackson has been having some issues, I still hate the xbox, and I am not sure I like him even having one. However, I can't bring myself to have the fight and take it away. I have limited how much he can use it, but we still fight about it constantly. If I am able to change my work arrangement, we will hopefully be able to have fewer fights. Right now, I'd like to go to bed and he wants to play his game. I'd also like to be able to catch up on some TV as well. Perhaps I need to get another TV for me? I don't like them in bedrooms but... maybe being able to watch Netflix in my room wouldn't be so bad?
I meet again with the school next week, on my birthday actually. Hopefully it goes well, just a touch base and meet the new vice principal. He started the new year doing well but I think it may have gone downhill from then. He has sick two days last week, then we had a couple snow days, and I missed a week of work! Terrible. If he didn't have to go to daycare I think he wouldn't be sick so often. I am sure it's more that he hates school than anything else.
At least it's the weekend!
Sunday, January 13, 2019
Changes and staying the same
School started back up last Monday. We made it out the door on time, no fights! By Friday that had changed and I will need to speak to the daycare supervisor because I am really unhappy with the before school care right now. My kid hates going, he argues, fights and just simply refuses to go. I can't say I blame him. When I dropped him off Friday he wasn't allowed to play with the boys playing lego because there were already 3 of them and 4 was too many. Meanwhile the teacher is sitting there knitting and not paying much attention to any of the kids. It's one thing if I'm paying a teenager or something but these are supposed to be trained educators... I'm not pleased at all to be paying for this. It isn't like school. This is supposed to be fun, and it's obviously not! So now we have to fight about this every morning while I try to get it sorted out. Changing is hard because it's part way through the school year. He is too young to get out the door on his own. I don't want to change my work schedule in such a way that I can make sure he goes, since then I wouldn't be able to leave and get home after school. All in all, frustrating!!
However, in school he did really well last week! I got a note home mid-week from 3 of his teachers to let me know he's been a new kid since the holiday. It was refreshing to read and hopeful. He also won an award for hope. Not quite sure what it really means. But it was nice any way. He is still a little pain at home and today was horrible, he played xbox pretty much all day with various friends. But he didn't throw any fits so that's good I guess?
For me, I have been trying to exercise. I did a workout today that really just showed me how out of shape I am. It was hard! And it shouldn't have been. I will be trying to getting up early to do a 20 minute. Fingers crossed on that because I am just so tired lately. I know I feel better, and have more energy, when I eat low carb/keto. Doing it with kiddo is hard, doing it on a tight budget is harder! I will do my best though, I feel better and my tummy troubles seem to improve when I do it. I have been having a lot of upset stomach issues the past month or so, it must be time for a reset! Clean up my diet at least for a week and hopefully it will improve.
I've booked another Disney trip for August. It will likely be the last one for awhile with the new Star Wars land opening, and with the 50th anniversary, I expect prices will go up even more, and be super busy. So we'll get this one last big trip and then stick to cruises, and maybe Universal eventually. I look forward to the travel probably more than kiddo does. I wish we could go more. I am a little worried I'll need to adjust my work schedule again because of daycare and then have to either take unpaid leave in the summer again or not be able to take things like PD days. Which leaves him in daycare for the day, which obviously isn't the best solution. Ugh.
At least things seem to be going ok, or more good than bad at this point. Got my annual rental agreement renewal, no increase to rent so that is fabulous. I'll need to decide what to do about my car before summer. Work is work, my boss is off a lot this month, getting married and going on a honeymoon. Changes are on the horizon at work soon. We'll see what happens.
However, in school he did really well last week! I got a note home mid-week from 3 of his teachers to let me know he's been a new kid since the holiday. It was refreshing to read and hopeful. He also won an award for hope. Not quite sure what it really means. But it was nice any way. He is still a little pain at home and today was horrible, he played xbox pretty much all day with various friends. But he didn't throw any fits so that's good I guess?
For me, I have been trying to exercise. I did a workout today that really just showed me how out of shape I am. It was hard! And it shouldn't have been. I will be trying to getting up early to do a 20 minute. Fingers crossed on that because I am just so tired lately. I know I feel better, and have more energy, when I eat low carb/keto. Doing it with kiddo is hard, doing it on a tight budget is harder! I will do my best though, I feel better and my tummy troubles seem to improve when I do it. I have been having a lot of upset stomach issues the past month or so, it must be time for a reset! Clean up my diet at least for a week and hopefully it will improve.
I've booked another Disney trip for August. It will likely be the last one for awhile with the new Star Wars land opening, and with the 50th anniversary, I expect prices will go up even more, and be super busy. So we'll get this one last big trip and then stick to cruises, and maybe Universal eventually. I look forward to the travel probably more than kiddo does. I wish we could go more. I am a little worried I'll need to adjust my work schedule again because of daycare and then have to either take unpaid leave in the summer again or not be able to take things like PD days. Which leaves him in daycare for the day, which obviously isn't the best solution. Ugh.
At least things seem to be going ok, or more good than bad at this point. Got my annual rental agreement renewal, no increase to rent so that is fabulous. I'll need to decide what to do about my car before summer. Work is work, my boss is off a lot this month, getting married and going on a honeymoon. Changes are on the horizon at work soon. We'll see what happens.
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