Fabulous vacation

We are back from another fabulous vacation. It was a great trip, though the travel (plane) portions were kind of yucky. Kiddo gets plane sick, every time! And the flight home was at a very late time, but was at least direct. The cruise portion was great though, we enjoyed the ship, though I think we are looking forward to trying Carnival again in April. We enjoyed 3 of the ports quite a bit, and the fourth we just stayed on the ship and hung out.

The only issue I had was with kiddo, he blamed anything that went wrong on me. From getting a blister to the tacos at the buffet not being out long enough. Everything was my fault. I eventually got fed up and kind of yelled at him to stop thinking only of himself and to realize that he shouldn't blame others for anything he doesn't like. I may have been a bit harsh, and he was a bit tired. So he had a melt down, crying for a good 10 minutes on the floor of the cabin. Then getting up and I guess thinking about it all. I took him up to check (again) for tacos, there weren't any. He was rather upset. But he held it together. So I booked up at the paid Mexican place for dinner. He ate tonnes of nachos and calamari for supper. He didn't like the tacos or quesadillas. But he was full and I enjoyed the food as well.

Since we got back he has been very loving, telling me how much he appreciates the trip, how much fun he had, and how happy he is that I am his mom. We had a few conversations about how he is a good kid, and he just needs to think of others on occasion. It seems that we have turned some kind of corner, it is very strange but I think it is a good thing. I am looking forward to our two weeks of Christmas vacation. Which may be a few extra days since he seems to have come down with a fever and maybe missing the last two days of school.

I'm not sure which port was the best. We certainly enjoyed the beaches at all 3 places we got off the ship. The beach we chose in St Kitts was not the best choice, it was fun but crowded and the water was quite cloudy. I think we would have been better off at a different beach. I will keep that in mind for next time. Antigua was lovely. We went on a cruise excursion and it was fun, the food was ok, we got a couple bottles of water included (though if I drank I could have had something stronger). The beach was great, I do hear it's not the best on the island. But we had a lot of fun, and kiddo enjoyed jumping the big waves. I think Labadee was perhaps the best day. We went down the roller coaster twice, which was more than enough for me. Then we went to play on the water toys. He had fun, I just tried to avoid the jelly fish! I did get stung but didn't notice until we were back on the ship so I guess it wasn't that bad. We spend time at the quiet beach there then went over to the rougher one, where there was some great snorkeling. We saw so many fish and had a lot of fun there. We ate on the island as well, and eventually went back to the ship, It was a nice day.

Jackson cried, and still cries, when it was time to go. He really enjoyed the trip, and he does hate to fly. He didn't even miss the cats as much this time. I found the 8 night cruise enough. Though I can see wanting to do longer. It would be costly and this was enough.

Busy December

December is always a busy month. With Jackson's birthday and the holidays, it is also an expensive month. This year is no different. We are going on another cruise, his party was last weekend, and he has been invited to a few birthday parties. I'm also trying to get all the Christmas shopping done before we go, or at least know that what is still left I can pick up easily on my way home from work the few days I will be working in December.

Jackson's birthday party was a success. He got a lot of nerf guns, which is a little annoying to me but is what he told all his friends he wanted, and they came through for him. He went to another party last night, and had a lot of fun. There is one next weekend but we will be away so he'll be missing it. I guess this isn't the time of year to go on a trip! He's not missing much in school, and as a result of the trip and our Christmas holidays I only have to work 9 days in December. So for me, it works!

We do have another cruise, for Jackson's birthday. And I am very excited. He wishes we were going back to Walt Disney World. He'll get over it. I prefer to cruise, it is more relaxing to me, we get to see new places, and try new things. I also don't have to worry if he doesn't like what he wanted for dinner, he can get something else without me having to buy it. We will be in our first ever balcony, and are very excited to see what that is like. I wonder if it's worth it, and thinking probably not. But it seemed like it at the time we booked I guess.

When we are back I will have to think about getting another referral. Though I guess I will have some time since so many doctor's offices close down over the holidays. I just keep getting older. Honestly, I don't see it. It's very strange. I guess I always thought I would know that suddenly I am "old". But I still feel the same as I did in my 20's, except now I have a child and have to be the grown up all the time. Which honestly isn't always that fun.

I guess I need to make the decision and stick with it. I mean I have made the decision multiple times, flip flopping back and forth, and it never sticks. I need it to make sense, be logical, be what feels right, and be undeniable. Then perhaps I can stop wondering, and move on. One way or the other.

Regrets

I try to live my life with no regrets. I don't like to dwell in the past, or feel like a choice I've made was a mistake. I like to believe that I am who I am, where I am, and I like myself, because of all those choices I've made. I may not be where I thought I would be at this age but I think I'm doing well.

Right now I am trying to not regret my choice to not move forward with having another child. It is proving difficult. I'm not sure why. I know it's best for me, for Jackson. But I always wanted to have more than one kid, three in fact, and now here I am at 42, almost 43, and it's too late. I never followed through last year, I would need to start over, new referral, wait 3 months to get seen, wait 3 more months to even try. My odds were 5% at 41, now what? Maybe 2%? what would be the point? And I will be too old for the covered IVF. I don't want to afford that. I could, I'm sure, work it out, but I don't want to. Never mind my cycles have been very irregular lately.

Canada is changing the mat leave rules, I'd be able to take 18 months off. It would be the same amount of pay as over the 12 months currently, but my employer tops up 12 months to 93% of my current salary. My son's school/daycare is going to be offering a toddler program starting soon, that starts at 18 months. Of course he's already in grade 3, so getting to a baby and that baby 18 months it might only be one year of overlap in the same place.

And I have about 14 years until I can probably retire, new baby would be 12 or 13 then? That would be difficult. I don't want to have to work an extra 10 years! I want to retire, buy a mobile home and drive south every winter! I know Jackson would have a hard time sharing me with a sibling, he has already said he wouldn't like it because he wants to be the baby. But of course today he wanted to be a big boy and walk to the park by himself, because it snowed and I didn't want to go out. We ended up at the park, after some yelling on my part. I wonder if my temper can handle another strong willed child.

So here I am, filled with regret over not trying for a second child when Jackson was 2, or 3 or 4... or even last year. Trying to get over it, with great difficulty.

A day off, without kid

Today is one of the rare times I am off work but school is still on. It's usually on November 11th for Remembrance Day but because that was on Saturday I have today instead. Normally I would attend the ceremonies at school, losing the morning to that. But they happened last Friday instead so I have the whole day to myself. I had planned to go see a movie but I think I'm going to stay home and watch some Netflix. I do have to fix my roots. After I bleached my hair blond, it is starting to grown back in so I picked up the supplies to fix it up. Hopefully it works out! I gave myself a hair cut on the weekend too. I googled how to do it, watched some videos and started cutting! I felt very brave, and I think it turned out really well. Though I did cut off more than I had planned.

It is strange to have the time to myself. I don't usually get this. And with no work to rush off to. Even in the summer when kiddo goes to my parent's place I have to go to work. I wish I had more days like this sometimes. But I also know that I am lucky to get so much time with my kid.

We were talking yesterday about having more people in our family. He said he would like to have a brother or sister, ideally older (of course lol). I was looking at adoption sites, he wanted to know what that was about, I explained, he said he wouldn't like that because they wouldn't really be part of the family. I explained more and then he was only concerned that the other child wouldn't look like him. We talked about the whole thing, he was snuggled beside me while watching TV and he said it wouldn't be good because there would be another child to share that with.

I am certain we will only remain a two person household. I am 42 now, and feel my age. We like to travel, it is easier to do with just us. With just us, I can be looking for a two bedroom place when I am able to buy. However that is perhaps still possible with another child. Money is tight, paying for daycare is a trial, even though he is only in before/after care and full time during certain breaks, it is going up. How would I possibly do that with another?

It is hard sometimes. I read about other women who have let go of their dream to meet someone and get married before having kids. I feel like I am letting go of my dream to have more kids. I know what's best for us, but it's still hard really. I wish I had done something sooner, I wish I had done it right away when he was two, I wish I had planned better, saved more, spent less. I wish a lot of things. But I don't regret my choices. I certainly don't regret the fun travel we've done. Our time on those trips is something he will remember forever (I hope).

So now here I am at home, binge watching TV, dreaming of having another baby, or going on way too many trips. I am certain of one thing, my life is not how I imagined it would be while I was growing up. Better or worse than the dream, I couldn't really say.

Happy Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving here in Canada. So it's a long weekend, which I love. An extra day off is always welcome! I did start the weekend with a bad cold. Started it Friday at work, wanted nothing more than to sleep yesterday, but am feeling somewhat better today. As is tradition my dad has taken Jackson to a petting farm for the day, they will have lunch and pet animals, ride a little train and play on park equipment. I'm sure they will all have lots of fun. I got the day to myself and was able to go get my shopping done. I picked up the drinks for tomorrow when we will have dinner at my sister's. We are also invited to brunch at my niece's tomorrow morning. So less cooking for me! Great. I did buy everything I need to make Jackson and I a small turkey dinner, which we will have next weekend I think.

My mom messaged me when they arrived yesterday and I asked if anyone wanted to take Jackson for a few hours... my dad came and got him, took him to a play gym for a few hours. Jackson got to run and play and have fun. They also went to Walmart afterwards and got his Halloween costume, one less thing on my to do list!

Jackson has been watching Disney channel, instead of the more cartoon Disney Jr. He is also seeing more commercials now, and of course wanting everything he sees. So my dad got him this little monkey thing that goes on your finger, as he begged me for one and I said no, many times.

Kiddo is doing well in swimming, and the floor hockey. It does make for a busy week for me, but I guess that's ok. I need to really start exercising, more than just walking the dog. I've asked Jackson to help me and he says he would like to exercise with me. I hope I can actually work up the energy to do it. In a few days when my cold is gone and I actually feel like doing anything. I want to be able to do better on our next trip, which is in about 9 weeks. I also need to stop buying lunches! I have been very bad since starting my new job, buying lunch more than bringing it. I can't afford that, and it isn't healthy for me. I manage to make lunches for kiddo everyday, but somehow I can't do it for me. That needs to change. I pay more attention to how well my cats and dog eat than to myself.

My new job is going well. I think. I am learning a lot, and it will certainly be a boost to my resume. But it is also in some ways not the best fit. There are people on my new team who are definitely causing me to keep calm, and try to focus. They aren't giving me any issues with my vacation requests, so far, but I can see that may be an issue in the future. And that won't do for me. At least it is a temporary change, so far, I can go back to my old position and the freedom that came with it.

Activities

Normally I hate doing anything in the evenings after work/school. I prefer to plan things for weekends, and even then I am not keen but have tried to do things so kiddo gets experiences. This year I signed him up for swimming on Tuesdays and just put him into floor hockey Wednesdays. I have to stay and watch him swim, but the floor hockey is two hours and a drop off sport. It is kind of nice to be able to drop him off and leave, get the groceries done, take the dog for a long walk, whatever I want to do. We only have 10 weeks of this, so I can do it! He enjoyed the first day of floor hockey yesterday, though he thinks the other kids should aim better so they stop hitting him with the ball. He will be missing the last swimming class since we are going on a cruise around then. We are looking forward to the trip, but a little worried since we are supposed to go to the Eastern Caribbean and so many of the ports have been devastated by hurricanes. 

There was a flyer sent home about a musical theater workshop, 3 hours Saturday mornings to do singing, dancing and acting... I really want him to do it :-) But I'm not sure he really wants to do it. We will discuss it this weekend, I can't sign him up until next week any way.

I started a new position, same level, same pay, same employer, but a new location and a new project. It's interesting so far, but some of the people I am working with are new to the employer and they don't get it yet. One is ex-military, so that is proving interesting. Things in the private (or public) sectors are different from military. He expects orders and to be in charge, but things work more collaboratively, and it's more about facilitating discussions rather than giving orders and expecting reports. We'll see how it goes. One good thing is it is a temporary move, so if it goes well I can work to make it permanent, but if not I can retreat to my old job.

The weather has been very hot the past few weeks, hottest days of the year. Strange for Canada! Today it's back to more normally temperatures, so of course my head is about to explode. Weather causes me migraines for sure. I hope it improves so I can do some things today. I'm supposed to be at work but am not because of the headache, and I am wondering if Jackson is going to make it through the day. He says he hasn't been feeling well. I know he is very tired, staying up too late, getting up too early. I may need to change my work hours a bit so he can sleep in later. We'll see how the next week or two goes.

The Big Disney Trip

We got home yesterday from our big Disney trip. We spent just over a week enjoying all the parks, and the hotel. It was a great trip. Jackson was crying at the end and wanted to know why we can't live there. Our pets were happy to get us back, and get home. All the cats slept with me last night, the puppy in his crate. Kiddo even slept in this morning! He was up late a lot, got less sleep than he really needs I think.

We stayed at the Yacht Club, got a great deal on the room. We had 7 day park hoppers and I got us fast passes for all the rides I knew we wanted to try. We also planned to go to one of the Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party, ended up at both that were on while we were there. I didn't have the dining plan and we only planned on 4 sit down meals. I planned to spend a certain amount on souvenirs, but of course went way over budget! Jackson loves his toys. At least he is so far playing with them. I had ordered some food for the room, including a case of water. We didn't need most of it and I left behind a bunch of water. It was hard to carry it around. Which was annoying at times, and heavy. We had the memory maker, and got a lot of photos.

I knew that Splash Mountain would be closing for refurb after our arrival day so I made a fast pass for it, and we headed to Magic Kingdom after trying to swim. Thunder storms in the area closed the pool, which left kiddo quite unhappy. We had an awesome time at MK, it was our favourite park, and I think we will try to stay closer to it next time. Jackson loved all the thrill rides. Big Thunder Mountain, Splash, 7 Dwarfs Mine Train. He even went on Space Mountain and loved it. We rode it 3 times, well I rode twice and he rode the third time alone. He has a better tolerance for those rides than I do!

Our second day was our first time at Hollywood Studios. We both agreed it's not the best park for us. There is construction going on that will add some rides we will enjoy. We met some characters, had breakfast, tried to stay for Fantasmic but rain made kiddo upset and we left before the show started. We actually had a great time swimming that day as well, spent close to 2 hours at the pool. Jackson went on the water slide many times, I went twice, it hurt my back but he had a lot of fun. Lines weren't long for it that time. We had breakfast at Hollywood and Vine, with Fantasmic tickets. Which were wasted. And kiddo hardly ate. So I don't think we will bother next time.

Our first Halloween party was awesome. Most rides were just walk on. Kiddo rode Barnstormer about 10 times in a row, I only did it a couple times then waited for him. This was the first fireworks we saw, and he said they weren't that bad so maybe we could see the others. Good to know. We enjoyed the party so much we decided to go to the next one. I wish the tickets weren't so expensive. The second party it rained so we didn't do as much. But it was when kiddo agreed to Space Mountain, which is something I have wanted to do since I went to the parks when I was 11. We had dinner at the Beast's castle, which I really enjoyed. Kiddo had steak and green beans, he enjoyed it. But it cost a lot for what we got, and the time it took. And the "scary" room we ate in.

Animal Kingdom is our favourite park. We really enjoy the rides, and the animals. We did a special tour where we got to see a lot of elephants. It was behind the scenes, and super cool. We were so close to the elephants! We got to hear a lot about them, and how they are cared for. They told us about all the animals. How the giraffes know when it's time to go in and start heading for the door. So they had to move their door further out into the park or no one would be able to see them! It was all very interesting.

Epcot was great as well. We went on Test Track and Soarin for the first time. Jackson loved Test Track so much we rode 4 times! We did it twice with fast passes and twice in the single rider lines. It's great that he is 7 and can ride alone. We barely saw the World Showcase. And didn't enjoy anything at the Food and Wine festival that started while we were there. But we still enjoyed the park.

Funny things, Jackson really liked It's a Small World and Spaceship Earth, two rides a lot of people don't care for. After Test Track he found Big Thunder Mountain slow. We enjoyed the new Pandora rides, but he didn't really like Flight of Passage because of all the story telling around it. He found that scary. I tried to eat kids meals for the most part but the choices were more limited so by the end I was eating adult meals. The buffets were not worth it for us, he just doesn't eat enough at those meals. Ordering food was not worth it either, I'm not sure we will do it again. If we can go bag free it might be better.

Now that this trip is done, we start planning the next! And I start a diet. I got a lot of pictures taken, and I hate them all. I need to do better.

School starts tomorrow. We have everything bought, I think. Will need to get a snow suit at some point sooner than later. Time to get the school bag ready for tomorrow.

Travel gets easier and easier with kiddo, he is an old pro now. We are looking forward to the next trip. I am hopefully starting a new position at work shortly, and it better not be a problem going on the December trip or any of the others! I guess we'll soon see.

Summer but not vacation yet

Summer seems to be here. We are having a very wet season, lots of rain and temperatures are not that hot, yet. Today kiddo said he's sick so we've stayed home, and I am not happy about it. He is now, at 11, saying he feels much better. And wants to go swimming in the backyard. Uh no, not how this works buddy! He has two weeks of swimming lessons that started yesterday so that he will be able to do later. And tomorrow he's back at daycare. I don't have the leave to use for this and am really annoyed with him at the moment.

We had a rough end of school, his behaviour was very bad, with a lot of swearing and yelling, defiance and generally arguing about everything. It was very frustrating and made me mad a lot of the time. He spent a week at my parent's and was the same there, I'm not sure he'll be invited back again. It was refreshing for me, and we are back to it. He went back to daycare and the first two days I got bad reports on his behaviour, again, so we had a chat about how I think he is a good boy but making some bad choices, he seems to have improved. Though today is testing me!

I have until August 4th and then I am on vacation for 5 weeks. I cannot wait. I need a change at work, and am not sure what I will be returning to. I don't intend to stay in my current position for long. The upper management has changed and is a bit nuts. things are a bit toxic and not very happy for most people. I am hoping to change jobs when I get back and get out of it. We shall see I guess!

I got an easy set pool for the back yard, it was on sale and not too expensive. Jackson seems to enjoy. I like having something in the yard to keep him busy and out of trouble. He seems to be growing up and doesn't want to play with toys as much. He is a little obsessed with his iPad, which is probably part of his attitude problems. I did take it away one day because of the name calling and yelling. It seemed to help, for a few days any way.

Finn is doing well. He is all fixed up, all his shots, neutered and up to date on all his heartworm, fleas and tick medicines. Not cheap, but he's cute! He does need to go to the groomers again, but he just had his surgery and can't get wet for another week at least, so I'm waiting until my vacation. I found a place to board him for our Disney trip. They aren't too far and we will go out there to see them when vacation starts. He still likes to chase the cats a little much, so we are working on that still. He doesn't pee in the house so much, but because of my work schedule he is more pee pad trained than outside trained. I'm mostly ok with that. He does go outside when I take him outside, but doesn't ask to go out. We'll work on that while on vacation.

Disney is the last week before he goes back to school. We are looking forward to it. We have all our fastpasses and dining booked, the trip is paid for and I ordered costumes for the Not So Scary Halloween party we have tickets for. I hope the costumes arrive in time! The only thing to pay for on the trip is food and souvenirs. I know how much that should be and we have some time to buy some USD. The rate is getting better too so that's nice.

Buying a house, I finally got my money but have to wait until late September to use it as a down payment. However the housing market is a bit crazy. Things are selling super fast, and for multiple offers. There are no new builds in my price range that have a yard. We may end up going outside the city. There are a few places that are up to 30 minutes from work, so not too bad. We are 20 minutes away now. I'd get a bigger yard, which I suppose is good? I'm not keen on yard work but I'm sure I can learn, or hire someone :) Even outside the city though, it's still hard to find something we want, in a price I'm willing to pay. Jackson wants a big pool, I want my own bathroom, and a nice kitchen. I also don't really want to have to move him in the middle of the school year, so it may be next summer when we move. Gives me time I guess?

We have 3 cruises booked! December this year, April 2018 and January 2019. We do love to travel so it gives me something to look forward to. I actually have two booked in April but need to cancel or move one. I am hoping they release their 2020 or late 2019 itineraries so I can move it to then. Jackson will miss some school, but I don't really care. He's still in elementary school, maybe when he gets to high school it'll make a difference. We were going to go on March break but the flights and everything were crazy expensive!

Little Finn

After an adventure of a drive, thankfully two days after the snow storm! we managed to pick up little Finn. He is very cute, so far so good. Jackson adores him. They played out in the back for awhile, Jackson even shoveled a spot for him to run around and be able to do his business.

Puppy is currently have a short nap, we'll get him up to play again before Jackson goes to bed. Puppy will be sleeping in my room this week at least, in his crate. Hopefully he will sleep through the night soon and be able to sleep with Jackson.

The cats are not impressed so far, hopefully that will improve quickly. The cats do have lots of space they can get to to get away, and they will sleep in my bed.

Time change

So today was fun. It sucks when the time changes, either way  it goes. Today kiddo got up at 7 on his clock, which was 8 on mine, but of course that doesn't really matter. I knew that bedtime would be a disaster, and of course it was. He was wired but I left him just after 8 and I think he fell asleep. Now I'm sitting here thinking I should be in bed but I'm not tired. Or I am. Not sure. Tomorrow morning will be the challenge of course. And it's March Break, so no school for kiddo, just daycare! But I still have to work, and I have a lot to do as work is having some issues and we are in the middle of it. I need to get it together and get to bed. At least kiddo's lunch is ready for tomorrow. Mine is not, and it should be. I have been buying my lunch way too often lately. Money I can't afford to spend. Ugh.

Friday we get out puppy, I can't wait! He is so cute and I hope it goes well. I am rather nervous about having a puppy in the house. I know some of Jackson's toys are going to get chewed. I trust the cats will get along ok. They will have escape routes and their nails are clipped so no one will get hurt. We have been watching shows about puppies and how to take care of them. I hope that Jackson doesn't get jealous at all, he should be ok, this puppy will be his buddy after all. I know I won't be getting a lot of sleep. At least puppies grow faster than children, puppy will hopefully sleep through the night before he's 3 after all :-)

It should feel like spring, the time changes in spring doesn't it? Yet it doesn't feel like spring. We have had some nice days and a lot of snow has melted but we still have lots out there, and it was very cold today. It is supposed to warm up this week, I hope it does since we will have potty train to contend with. No walks for a bit until puppy gets his next shots. At least that's what I think is supposed to happen. I put in my paperwork for my August weeks off. My manager is changing so I wanted to get it done before he's gone. I love being able to take the time off with kiddo, hopefully in coming years I will be able to take longer and not have to pay for daycare. Daycare currently I pay the same rate all year round, but can't take weeks off. Next fall it changes to be by the day, and if I don't want him to go for March Break or a few weeks in summer I won't pay for those. It will save money. Eventually I may just do before school care and have him get home on his own. We are not there yet, and no way I would trust him to get there on his own.

We've been looking at home plans, again. I still have no idea what I'm going to do. Hopefully I get my paperwork soon so I can get the last payment I'm owed and then I have 3 months to decide. I'd like to go new, but I also have this dream of a small, self-sufficient home on land somewhere. That is perhaps a retirement dream though, and something more practical will happen before then. I think Jackson will have to change schools, not sure if that will be at the start of the school year or mid-way. Daycare worries me more than the school situation. All the schools in the board he attends here are very good. Some are bigger than others, I'm not sure it matters though. He is a friendly kid and he will make friends. I did, we moved a lot when I was growing up.

Alright, time to attempt some sleep. I hope that I get enough. Tomorrow it will be hard to get kiddo up, of course.

Work

This weekend was busy. Jackson had two birthday parties to attend yesterday, he had lots of fun at both! Turns out he is pretty good at bowling, and he loved the bouncy castle party. It was for a girl but he was one of 3 boys there so he stuck with them I think. He got injured, scrapped down his back, he's just so bony! He is fine but he was upset about it. He was also upset both parties had chocolate cake, and he won't eat that. Ah well. He still got to run around for a few hours and I got a few hours to myself!

The second party was way on the other side of town, a good 30 minute drive. So I stayed out there and went to the nearby mall. I have not gone shopping for myself (other than online) in ages... I went to one of my favourite stores and tried stuff on. I ended up with a pair of ankle pants and two jackets as well as a nice top. It cost way more than I would like to spend. But I think it is all good work clothes. And I am trying to dress better at work. My standard uniform of a simple top and pants needs a bit of an update. For two reasons. One is that I have not really gotten anything new and nice for myself in ages because I basically hate the way I look. I always want to lose weight, be thinner, be able to wear the prettier clothes. So I have bought things that fit, even though I hate the size they are.

The other reason is because I am feeling somewhat ambitious. I know the biggest hurdle for me is language and I am working on that. But my boss's boss sees something in me, and is entrusting me with projects and tasks that are exciting, and meaningful. It is nice to have someone with some authority trust me and see my potential. I am smart, I can do these things, I try to see all sides of a problem and I hate getting stuck in "because we've always done it that way" mentality that is so prevalent where I work. It is kind of weird. I actually want to do well! And because he believes in me, and that I should move up to management, I believe I can too. He has handed me a project that I can really sink my teeth into, and hopefully ensure it runs smoothly. I think sometimes I surprise him with comments, he will look at me like he's surprised anyone else thought of that. I like that he listens to me, even though I'm not anyone very important in the hierarchy.

While I have accepted that I am this size, and look this way, I also feel somewhat inspired to move more. I hope that it will actually happen. I want to be moving but I worry that I am so out of shape. I know once spring finally arrives I will need to get outside, especially since we are getting a puppy who will require walks. The difference is I want to do it not to lose weight, but to feel more energetic and be in better shape. We have a trip to Disney planned and I know there will be many days of 20k plus steps. I want to be able to do everything we want to do there. That's the goal.

Family Day

Monday was a holiday, for some. It is Family Day in Ontario but my job is federal so I had to use vacation to get it off with kiddo. We spent the day at a high school that was set up with bouncy castles, hamster balls, laser tag and other things. He had a lot of fun. Luckily one of his friends was there so he had someone to play with. I was able to sit and chat, and wait. We got there at 10:30 and closed the place at 4. He was the last kid to get his face painted. We ate expensive pizza, expensive popcorn, and kiddo burned a lot of energy.

It was a nice day off, I was a little cranky, but it was good over all. It is always nice to have a day off! It makes for a strange work week though. It's short, but that is good too of course. Work has been busy the past few months, and of course change is coming as always. End result will be good though.

The weather has warmed up, snow is melting. I am glad to be able to see when I am backing up from my driveway. I will be very glad when I can see the grass, but that is still a ways away I think. Jackson enjoys the winter and playing in the snow, but even he is a bit tired of it and anxious to get back on his bike, and back to the park. I hate to feel like I am rushing time but I would really like to get through winter. I find it so hard with the snow, ice, cold and lack of sun. The past few sunny days have been lovely, though I also feel I don't get to enjoy it very much. Hopefully spring is on the way.

We are both excited about our Disney trip in August. It will wrap up the end of our holidays, so far away! I do love going on these trips with him though, I feel like it makes better memories for us, and allows me to get to do all those things that I never did as a kid myself. I am trying to live in the moment more, to enjoy things and do things even if they push us a bit. I want to create memories for him. Outside of school and daycare, and home.

I am still debating what to do about a house, but until I get some paperwork done, get the money, I can't make a decision any way. So I will continue to dream and flip flop on which house, which situation, we will find ourselves in. I know he will more likely have to change schools. I think he will be ok with that in the end. He makes friends easily, he is a good kid. I am more concerned about finding before/after school care for him in a new situation. But even that I know we can work out. Getting a dog means we need a yard, which means different homes than I thought we'd be looking at. Wanting to travel still, means the budget is smaller so we can afford to keep doing that. It will all be good in the end, and we will end up in the house we are meant to. Perhaps this summer, perhaps next. We are ok here for awhile any way.

February

This year started off a little rough at times. Though our awesome cruise did make up for that. February has been great so far. I finally got my back pay, and raise. I managed to pay off some debt, put some into savings for later, and then booked a trip to Disney for the end of August. I booked flights, bought tickets and put a deposit on the hotel. I'm quite excited about the trip, and hope the weather won't be too brutally hot. I think this will be one of the only times we spend a whole week there. The timing of everything was fortuitous. I got the tickets right before they went up in price, booked the flights right before they went up as well. Even the hotel worked out well. I booked and then found out I had been misquoted, the cost is actually $500 less than I was expecting. Apparently the quote included tickets or something, which I didn't want. Very happy about this turn of events!

Last week kiddo was sick a few days, sore tummy and lots of bathroom runs. I kept him home 3 days, the third was partly because I didn't feel like driving in the crappy winter weather, buses were cancelled so whatever. When I got back to work I found out my whole (small) team would be moving to another division! Not happy about this I was fuming at first. Then I spoke to one of my team members, my boss starts much later than I do, and the team mate told me the work I do was staying so I would probably be given the choice to stay. I like my boss, but I really like his boss. So I wanted to stay, and get to! It is a good job for me, I am getting to work with upper management, get noticed, I enjoy it, am learning a tonne, and still get to do things like take August off. Hopefully this will lead to language training, eventually, and management. Which I am still not sure I want to do. But the opportunity is important.

While we were on the cruise I booked for the next one. I just moved that to March 2018, saving some money and better able to get direct flights. We are really looking forward to that one too. We like cruising!

Jackson is doing well at school, though he hates it. He complains he doesn't like to sit and learn things. I can't blame him and really only want him to do his best. He is getting about a B average, which is fine with me. I guess because I can see so many people in my place of employment with very little education beyond high school and perhaps some college, I just feel that a good job is possible without over the top effort. I mean I want him to be able to read, and think for himself, but I want him to be happy, and able to support himself. Perhaps I am cynical about employment and careers, while I like my job, I like it mostly because it supports us and allows me to do what I do.

Health wise, I am trying to move more. Especially if we are going to Disney for a week. It is a lot of walking! I would like to be able to do it and not have my feet hurt everyday. I would like to be able to do it and have energy to do so. I set up the basement to be able to workout, but have only done a few workouts down there. I'm not sure why really. I am tired, and though my thyroid medicine is apparently working, it doesn't feel like it. I am hoping this is a "winter blues" sort of thing, I do hate winter, and long for spring!

We are getting a puppy! I was going to wait until Jackson was older but he has been talking about it for awhile, he really wants a "friend" to play with. So I have been checking out breeds, and cross breeds, breeders, rescues, and doing a lot of reading. We are getting a cockapoo puppy in another month or so. He will be black, and Jackson likes the name Finn. I am both looking forward to it, and worried. Puppies are a lot of work, potty training, regular training. Even worrying about what to do with the puppy while we travel. I am sure it will all work out though. I am also nervous about a new dog after the issues with Riley. He had some serious issues, many I'm sure because of his rough start in life and lack of socialization. I am desperate to avoid any of those issues again. I hope that my choice of breed, and early training, socialization, will help keep everything smooth and easy.

A quick trip

We've been back from our cruise for almost a week. It was a 6-night cruise and it was far too short. We both really enjoyed it, perfect weather, and it was just so nice to be away. I booked another while we were on board but will have to change it because we can't get direct flights for the date I chose. I can move it without a penalty so I will do that once they open up some more dates in early April. I will be replacing it as well, with another cruise for the same time frame I had booked for.

We flew to Fort Lauderdale, about a week after the tragedy there. Which made me rather nervous, but it went ok. We ended up taking a taxi to the hotel because I didn't have a cellphone to call the hotel shuttle. I think the driver took us for a bit of a ride around, and it cost more than it should have. But whatever. The hotel was nice enough, we walked over to Taco Bell for lunch but it was so slow, we ended up at McDonalds instead. Then to Kmart, we don't have that here. Jackson got some little cars. Silly kid. He wanted to swim, but the pool was not heated so it was rather cold. He swam, I watched, and when he started to turn blue lipped with shivering I made him get out. We went back to Taco Bell for supper, he really wanted to try it, and then ended up getting McDonalds as well, the tacos were good but wow the service was so slow!

Sunday morning we had breakfast at the hotel, well kiddo didn't really eat anything. My goodness he is picky. We took a shuttle to the ship and were on super quick. Right after we ate some lunch we got to go to our cabin, kiddo put on a swim suit and we went swimming. Also not heated. He swam a bit before the emergency drill. Then it was pretty much time to get ready for supper and the ship headed out. Our luggage was super late arriving. We signed him up for the kids club, which he didn't go to at all! We had table mates for dinner from Toronto, which was kind of fun. They only came 3 nights. We ran into them all over the ship though.

We had a sea day and Jackson played in the H20 zone a lot. We played games, walked around the ship, ate hot dogs for lunch (he did that everyday) and generally enjoyed the sun and nice weather.

Our ports were Cayman Islands, Cozumel and Costa Maya. They were all quite amazing. We swam with sting rays on a practically private tour, went to beaches, he used his goggles to look at fish under the water. It was all over far too fast. Our last sea day was nice as well, lots of time in the splash zone, a good dinner, packing up and then to bed.

Enjoying Costa Maya beaches

7 Years good luck for kissing a sting ray

Debarkation was a disaster and I thought we were going to miss the flight home. Next time we will take our bags off ourselves for sure. I still get stressed thinking about it. But we caught the flight, barely. Jackson got sick on the flight home but still wants to go again. There was turbulence so that explains it. I wish he'd take some gravol or something before the flight.

The cats were super happy to see us when we got home. They were well taken care of while we were gone though. I spent Sunday doing laundry, some groceries and that's it! Back to work as of Monday, feels like I didn't have a vacation at all, but will start working on plans for the next one soon.

I still haven't received my back pay although everyone I know has received some money. If I don't have anything by the 8th I'm finally allowed to call and find out what's going on. I got information about the severance portion, which I will put into my RRSP and use as a down payment for a home. I can't decide when I want to buy though, or what. So I will be here for awhile. I keep thinking of all the extra expenses when you own. My furnace died the day before my trip, landlord had it replaced while we were away. Expensive. Fence fell over this summer and got replaced, expensive!  So many things and they add up.

Work has been frustrating, I like the project I am working on but feel like I'm the only one doing anything, or perhaps I'm just not being kept in the loop very much. Maybe a little of both. I will try and stick it out. I notice that this is the time of year I start wanting a change, job or whatever. We'll see I suppose!

I will be getting us both snorkeling masks and we'll be practicing in the pool in preparation for next time. I will also be getting us Nexus passes to speed up crossing the borders, and also I think clearing security in some US places. I was asked for his birth certificate on the way home this time, I had it with me. But it was still kind of annoying. One of those things I guess.

Happy New Year 2017

We made it through the holidays! Well we have tomorrow off still to get through but I guess we made it past the interesting days. Christmas was good, he got lots of gifts he was happy to get, and my sister got him a hatchimal which is funny, creepy, annoying, and well enjoyed. Last night was tricky. Jackson really wanted to stay up until midnight, but by 9 he was tired and ready for a nap. He had a little rest but was back up soon. Apparently he had an image of a big party with lots of people talking and chatting, eating food and having fun. The weather was crappy though so we didn't go out. Around 10:30 I could see he was done so I flipped the TV to Newfoundland, they are 90 minutes ahead so it was midnight there. We counted down, said happy new year, kissed (he hates kisses but he gave me one on the cheek and let me kiss his head). Then we danced and he ate a bit more candy before we went up to bed. By 11 he was out. He wasn't too happy about it though, and he got up at 7 this morning any way.

Today was a long day. I am, by nature, an introvert. I thrive on alone time. Kiddo is not like me. He doesn't like to be alone at all, so it gets hard on me sometimes, like when we are together for 10 days in a row and he doesn't want to leave me alone and all I want is to sit and read a book or something. Normal work/school days I get some time in the morning before I get him up, and then again at the end of my work day before I get him from daycare. This week has been hard for me. Of course he takes it to mean I don't like him/love him, and he feels bad. Once again I explain, hopefully he will remember but I guess we'll see. I do love my kid, and I like him too, he is a good kid. But I just thrive on some me time! He stays up later so I get less after bedtime, and last night I had none. Today was rough for me.

For New Years I joined a transformation challenge. I know I won't win the challenge but I am still hopeful. I realize I will miss a week due to the cruise, I will do my best to eat well, but do plan to enjoy the things I like while I'm travelling. My goal is to start working out tomorrow, we will see how that goes with kiddo at home, and to do mainly cardio until the trip. I will use some of my easier videos to get back on track. When I get back I have a new set I got through airmiles that is a 60 day plan, and I will do that. I may add on some extra cardio as I go. I plan to cut carbs and processed foods, hopefully before and after the trip. It is hard with having to feed kiddo but if I plan and do pre-cooking on the weekends it usually goes ok. I mean I am making the cats food now, surely I can make my own!

Once the 60 days are up I will still have 2 weeks to the end of the challenge, and the plan is to really do whatever I can to make the most of those two weeks. I still can't believe I took, and posted, my before pictures. Hopefully they will prove motivating over the next few months. The trickiest parts will be doing all of this and keeping kiddo happy. It should be that if I am happy, it's easier for kiddo to be happy too. That doesn't always work though.

Other than the challenge I don't really have any goals for 2017. I may buy a house, we will likely plan another trip. I would like to yell less, though I think I have gotten better at that over the past year any way. I hope to cook more, plan more, so I don't just say "let's eat out". I think we will be happy, as we usually are. Though kiddo would be happier if I played with him more. I would be happier if he played on his own more. Whatever happens, we will be together.