New Year's Resolutions

It's that time again, the start of a new year, time to make changes and fix things, suddenly be better.  It never really lasts.  Last year I lost weight, and gained it back.  I enjoyed my son, but fight with him every night at bedtime.  I did better with money but somehow still feel like I have none.  For 2013 I have a simple goal.  To have better habits.  This will of course be much harder than it might sound.  It will mean a lot of changes, but I also know it will take time, new habits take time to form. 

For instance, the only time I can really get a workout in is if I get up early enough to do it.  But getting up early doesn't seem to ever happen, so I will have to go to bed earlier, and get up earlier.  And for a week or so that is likely all I'll be able to do, simply get my butt out of bed in time to do a workout, whether I actually get one in is debatable for now.  It will happen though, once I am used to getting up, I can do the workouts.  They will be short, 20 minutes or so, at least to start with.  I can do that much. 

Eating better, that will require planning, and ties in with both meal planning and shopping the sales. I don't want to waste money buying stuff and not eating it, nor do I want to pay full price for things.  So on Wednesday when I get my flyers I will have to go through them and plan the meals as well as the shopping, so we can get everything done on Saturday.  I would like to get organic produce delivered as well, that would come on Wednesday as well, so I'd have the veggies I need for the week, and just need to get the proteins and snacky stuff.  It would set the menu, or at least part of it.  Also a good thing I think.

Getting chores done on Saturday would leave Sunday for me to spend with the boy, playing, getting out, doing things and having fun.  I need to enjoy my son more, I feel like I spend too much time saying "no, don't do that, get off there, don't throw that" adding in now "don't sit on the kitten".  I want us to get along better.  I know a lot of it is me, and I need to change my habits when it comes to spending time with him, we spend a lot of it not doing a whole lot.  I need to change that.  He is a good kid, but like the dog, he needs more stimulation.  A class or something, now that he is 3 and big boy. 

Money wise, the planning of meals, and only shopping Saturday, should help. As well as using coupons and my stockpile of course.  I need to save money if I am going to be able to move like I want to.  So I need to plan and stick to the plan. Even the organic produce will help with the planning, since I will be spending the same every week or two weeks, and getting all the veggies we need, healthy and all that.  Once we move I will be able to get a bigger freezer so I can really stockpile and cook in advance, perhaps once a month or every two weeks.  As long as I stick to my budget everything will be great, and I will enjoy the raise that comes with my promotion.  Hopefully we get raises negotiated soon, as well as a payout which will go into my RRSP for my home buying. 

Finally, I need to sort all of this out in order to see if I can actually handle a second child.  I have been unwell a lot this year, my stomach is not good, I may have an ulcer or something, perhaps it's my gallbladder, who knows.  But the healthier eating and exercise should help.  Also with the migraines.  And I need to figure out if I can handle a second child, my temper is not the best lately, I lose it over little things.  I know sleep and not being active, not eating well, is all tying in to my unhealthiness.  Which makes me unable to handle one little boy who is too smart, and too active, and doesn't ever want to actually do what I ask him to.  If I can't manage one child, how would I manage him while pregnant, or while dealing with no sleep and a baby?  Or even a second one just like him. 

My plan for the new year is simple, to get into better habits, to change the ruts I'm stuck in and strike a different balance.  I may even say no TV or computer Sundays, at least while Jackson is awake.  Things need to change, and now is a good time to change them. 

The day before the holidays

Today was a rough day for us.  Jackson was not listening and it bothered me more than it normally does. We had a few "fights" and I lost my temper a couple times.  I am having a difficult time with my little boy.  He is very stubborn and refuses to listen to me.  Then I lose my temper and yell.  I know I need to be better than he is, I just don't know how to get him to do as I ask him.  From getting out the door, to getting back in the door, to not trying to pick up the new kitten by his tail.  I am simply at a loss.  He is stubborn and has a temper himself.  It is making life interesting.  And the potty training.  Oh my.  He does great at daycare, at home we have accidents every 5 minutes it seems, get him cleaned up and he pees again.  The poop thing is certainly not happening.  And I'm tired of it.  So today he wore a diaper all day because I was not going to deal with it any more. 

I hoped that having time off with him this week would be great, that we would have a lot of fun, get the potty training sorted out.  But now I'm not so sure.  Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and my parent's are coming to visit. The house is a disaster, I was supposed to work on it this weekend but just haven't, I'm too exhausted from dealing with this child.  I don't know what to do.  It is certainly clouding my thoughts of having a second baby.  So I got a kitten.

My poor Mea passed away on December 5th.  She took a bad turn and was unable to really walk so I took her in and said goodbye.  It was difficult, and I'm not sure at all that Jackson gets it.  We got a kitten last weekend, he is adorable and loves Jackson.  The kitten's name is Joshua, Jackson named him, and he is an Abyssinian/Siamese mix. He is super playful, friendly and cuddly.  Exactly what I wanted.  Perfect for our family, and getting along with my other pets.  Now if I could convince Jackson to not try to carry him around by various body parts, we'd be all set. 

Money wise, things are going fairly well. I am spending more than I'd like to be, but within budget.  I am hoping to pick up a bed frame for Jackson's bed this week, and get a headboard and night table for him this week as well.  Hopefully all for $200 or so.   I'd like to get his bedroom sorted out, I'll need to take the change table out and move things around a bit but it should be good.  I was going to wait until we move but if I can get a good deal now then I might as well.  The only thing I'll need then when we move is a bigger freezer, and possibly a treadmill.

I hired a dog walker, he comes 3 days a week to walk the dog.  It is money I should not spend but in winter we are not getting poor Riley out for any exercise and it's making everyone crazy.  So this should help.  And once I'm used to spending the money, it should mean I can afford a maid once I move.  Though my rent will likely go up.  And I will still need to find a place.  But so far things are on track, and a bigger, nicer house should be in our future.  If only I could declutter the house, I may need to hire someone for that too!  Or convince some friends to come over and help.

And I do still love being a mom, I really do.  My son is driving me batty and today was a long difficult day, but in general he is a good boy.  I just wish he'd pay attention to me and listen. I wonder if I didn't talk for a day if he'd even notice, I really don't think he listens to me at all. 

First Trick or Treating



Ready for daycare



This was the first Halloween we went trick or treating.  Last year my boy was sick.  They did some at daycare, went to a couple areas in the daycare and got raisins, a juice box, healthy stuff. They were not allowed to wear costumes to daycare so above is what he wore instead.  When I went to pick him up, I was told he'd already done trick or treating and we didn't need to go again... ok not acceptable!  I got him home and fed, then we packed up and went to my sister's.  She lives in a much nicer neighbourhood than we do so I thought it would be better to go there.  It was.  Jackson had a lot of fun, he rang doorbells (multiple times) and said trick or treat before the door opened, thank you after he got the candy. He really wanted to go to the spookiest house, the one with all the decorations.  And wasn't happy when I said that's enough. I suspect next year we'll be out for hours lol.  He was a great little construction man, and very happy to get back to aunties to eat some candy and feed some to mommy too! 



My little construcion man



I got the job

I got the job today, so I got the promotion permanently, and get to stay in the building I currently work in, rather than having to move.  It is a good thing, and scares me greatly.  I know the people I've been working with, and what is expected of me so this will be a big change. I know I can do it, and the security is great.  It means a bigger payout when our contracts are renegotiated as well, which is awesome!  And it means I can look for a house to rent in the neighbourhood I want, and that is near my sister.  I'm really excited and like I said, scared.  My current manager is not too happy, I'm not sure what he's going to do, I guess we'll see.  Hopefully he doesn't try to stop me from going, or cause any problems.  I hope I will love the new job but realistically I am expecting it to be a year long commitment, more if it goes well.

Mea is still hanging in there, I need to call the vet to have her checked again, with the weight she is still losing I am pretty sure she must have cancer.  It's the only thing I can think of that would be sucking the weight off her, which she's still eating quite a bit.

Jackson is still a handful, but as the antibiotics are working he is happier, which makes life happier.  Though he did have a fit at the store yesterday, trying to bite my hands as I pushed the cart, yelling, crying, hitting me... fun times!  All because I wouldn't buy him a new toy. Sigh.

I have a plan to declutter and get rid of things, but no idea when I'll be able to follow through.  I need to of course, it's important.  If I plan to move I cannot pack and move all the crap I have.  I read about the 100 item challenge, where people end up keeping only 100 items per person, but I can't go that extreme, maybe 1000 items lol.  I have a bunch of stuff to get rid of, and at this point I'd rather just give it away than try to sell it all.  But a couple things are big so I couldn't carry them out myself, so I'll have to put an ad and see if anyone bites. 

So I have a new job, a plan to move, and get rid of stuff.  Things seem to be falling into place.  Phew!  Now to stick to it all, including the budget so I can actually move and get some new furniture in the process. 

Work decisions & Ear Infections

Jackson woke up crying this morning that his ear hurts.  Again or still, not sure.  But I decided I'd take him to the doctor just in case.  We got there very early, first in line, so were fairly quick to be seen.  The doctor said he has a bit of an infection and prescribed antibiotics.  Alright.  So we got them and then I took him to daycare and went to work.  I was late, obviously, and missed my French classes, which are not going so well any way.  He went to daycare and had a fun day from all accounts.  They have managed to already lose his red mittens which kind of pisses me off since they are labelled and he had them there ONE day.  But ok, maybe they are around somewhere and will turn up. I hope. We have two other pairs but they are warmer and these were for fall weather, and the car.  Any way.  He's been having a better time since the biting incident, and hopefully he feels better soon.

I got a call from a manager in another Branch, asking me to come to a meet and greet.  It's for a permanent offer at my acting level, so I would love it.  Plus it will be at the location I currently work when the dust settles and the Branch I'm with now moves to a new building, further from home and daycare.  I know that my current manager has plans, and is planning to make me a permanent offer once the pool is established for my Branch, but I cannot turn down a perm placement, it would be foolish I think to turn something down for something that is probably going to happen.  You never can tell after all.  I did talk to my old manager about it, because I value his opinion.  He is the one who told me before to turn down a lateral move because I wouldn't like it.  Whether that was the right move in the end, who knows, but at this point I'm in a position to make better money, have more responsibility, and be in a team leader type position.  That all sounds great to me.  So Friday I go meet and greet the other manager and see where it goes.  He also suggested I draw it out as log as possible to give my Branch time to make an offer, we'll see if I have that choice. 

I should be in bed, I've been very tired and have done something to my lower back/hip area.  I took something for it, hopefully it lets me sleep.  Hopefully Jackson sleeps as well. 

On the cat front I am in the process of switching my kitties to more canned/raw food, less dry.  Snickers is letting me know he doesn't like this plan and is begging for dry food constantly.  But he needs to lose weight and this allows me to have set meal times and know what he's eating.  Mea will have food available whenever she wants it as she needs to gain a lot still.  Yes she is still hanging in there.  Amazingly as soon as I decided to let her go she had a rebound.  Not sure why and she is still not grooming, can't jump up, but is getting down from places and trying to get on my lap in the evening.  Any way, she has food down where she can get it and Snickers can't.  They get canned food in the morning and raw at dinner time.  I'll work on switching the dog over once we have used up some of the dry stuff we have, and figure out whether I really want to or not, he doesn't have any obvious health issues at this point and so is less of a priority.

And... we have a biter

Ok so I knew he's a biter, he's bitten me more than once, but I've learned how to avoid it and walk away.  No one at the daycare has mentioned to me that he was having an issue. So it was a surprise to me to be told today that "we have a problem" and he bit a girl (twice), leaving marks, and it's something we need to work on.  It seemed to be implied that he'd be kicked out of daycare if it happened again.

I'm a little upset.  I picked him up just after 4 and he was obviously still upset and quiet about it all, and it happened in the morning, so it's obviously been an issue all day. He had a few accidents as well.  I recognize that biting is an issue, and not acceptable, and if he'd been bit I'd be upset, but I also recognize that he's not even 3 yet!  He is learning to deal with his emotions and what to do when he's angry.  And really they should be helping with this stuff, and perhaps they missed it too. 

Now we need to deal with it, but they didn't tell me how they'd like me to do that.  I mean he hasn't done it to me in awhile since the last time I walked away and went upstairs.  He followed me up crying and saying "I'm not biting now mommy see?" He hasn't done it since. Two people now have told me to bite him back.  So I guess I'll try that next time. I am also going to try and get him to find a new "thing" for when he gets angry.

The funny thing about this is the story he tells of the incident.  He told me he bit her because it was clean up time and he wanted to clean up the toys she was playing with and she wasn't listening.  He also told me he had to sit in the time out chair, and he cried, but the girl he bit didn't.  So how much of the story is true, who knows! But I think it was pretty funny. 

Depression sucks

I have struggled with depression off and on for most of my adult life, in fact it probably started in high school.  I've been on medication for it twice, and the last time it was very bad was right before I got pregnant.  I managed to pull myself out of it using a book, and self talk.  It was rough but I did it, and felt a lot better.  The whole time I was pregnant my OBGYN told me I should go on antidepressants because I'd get PPD.  She was totally wrong and I'm glad I didn't listen to her.  I had a rough pregnancy but as soon as I had my son in my arms I was the happiest I've been ever I think.  Yes we had some rough times in the beginning, lack of sleep is brutal.  But I never felt depressed, bored on occasion and tired but never depressed.

Lately however I'm struggling.  My son can still pull me out of it, but it's taking me longer and as soon as he's in bed I kind of fall into a lull, and feel sad.  I don't like it and I know it, and I am not sure how to get out of it.  I know that it's partly because of work. I am struggling with the new job, in that it is boring and I am feeling I made the wrong choice, that I was pushed to take the job even without really taking the time to think about it.  Add in my cat problems, and the stupid car/CD player, and just feeling fat and like a loser. 

My cat, she seems to actually be doing better.  I picked up some raw food for her and Snickers, she really likes it, but it's pricey so I'm not sure how long I can afford for them to eat it.  But she actually groomed herself after dinner tonight, so that was great, and she jumped down from eating twice.  She still hasn't gotten up there but at least she came down. 

So I have joined a facebook group to provide some support in weightloss, I hope that will help lead to other changes.  I know my job is a big thing, it needs to change, I cannot go on like this at work, I feel like I'm not doing anything, and I do like to be busy. I will be looking for something else, but may wait until I get the promotion permanently, which should be about another month... I can do this for another month right? I hope so.  Otherwise if something else comes up first I will jump at it. I do wish there was something else jumping at me but so far I haven't seen anything. 

And on another note, my ex-boss and his wife are expecting. I believe she's 40 or so, they have a little boy a year older or so than Jackson, and my understanding from him before was they were done, they are re-married and both have kids from their previous relationships.  It really makes me think.  If I wait another year my kids will be the same age apart as theirs.  And I'll be younger, but still single.  Which I prefer.  The funny thing?  They just had a house built to accomodate their family, with one kid in the full time picture.  Wonder if they'll move again?

Oh, and speaking of moving, I've been watching the houses for rent, I think I'll be able to find something nice for May.  And I can't wait!  I somehow think it will make me happier and resolve the depression issues, though I know moving doesn't usually do that for me.  But I still hope. 

The grumpies

This weekend was quite nice at my parent's.  Jackson was generally a very good boy and listened pretty well, had fun, no naps (which sucks) and ate well.  We went apple picking yesterday after brunch and he ate 3 apples.  Two on the way home from picking and one when we got back.  He had a slight fit when I said no more... I figured that was enough fiber for his little tummy.

Then there was today.  Today we drove home from my parent's.  And Jackson was up before 6, crying and cranky and refusing to go back to sleep.  So I should be going to bed now myself, I'm very tired.  It meant he was very cranky all day, but did have a great sleep in the car on the way home, he slept almost the full drive.  Then we went to my sister's for a Thanksgiving feast.  It was a great dinner and Jackson really enjoyed seeing his cousins.  But then it was time to leave and there was a minor tantrum, which didn't come close to matching the "it's time for bed" tantrum.  He finally went to bed, and is asleep, but it was a trying evening. 

I hate that I have to go back to work tomorrow.  I just really don't want to. I don't hate what I do, I just feel like I need a big break. I know Christmas will be good, I'm off for over 10 days in a row which will be great.  I could really use some time off to clean the house!  and get rid of stuff.  So much stuff.  Since I plan to move I really need to get rid of things so we don't have to move them.  I need to sort through all of Jackson's old clothes and toys, and that's hard to do. It feels like I'm giving away part of my memories, which is of course silly but it makes it hard.

And on the cat front, Mea seems to be doing better.  She was of course very happy to see us but has been out quite a bit since we got home, she even went up to eat her dry food and is barely limping.  She's managing the stairs a bit better, but still can't jump up on things, and has not gained any weight.  She is so thin it's sad.  So now I'm not sure what to do, I was quite certain that I'd be saying good bye to her very soon, but now I don't know.  I guess I will be doing a little more wait and see.  But I still want a kitten. I think part of that is because it's a baby replacement... I did that with a puppy and a kitten before.  Can't have a baby?  get another pet. 

Planning for the future

We are at my parent's for Thanksgiving, so far Jackson is having a lot of fun, and hasn't had a nap.  He's eating well, really well... which means he's going to grow again I guess.  We went to a buffet for Thanksgiving lunch, and Jackson ate a lot of sausage, and dessert.  Then we went and picked apples, he ate two on the way home.  And one when we got home.  He wanted more and I said no, how mean right?  But I was worried he'd get a sore tummy from so much fiber! 

I talked to my mom and dad about my idea to rent a nicer/bigger/better place, and they seemed supportive.  At least they didn't tell me I'm an idiot lol.  My mom thinks it's a good idea if I can get a single family home as it will be brighter, my main floor now only has the patio doors as windows, the upstairs is brighter but we aren't up there that much.  I've been really looking at what I can get for what I can afford and there are some really nice places out there.  So my plan is to move for May.  When I file my taxes I should be getting back a big refund, some time late February or early March, which I can use as the first/last, and movers I can always put on the credit card if I haven't got enough saved up.  Keeping in mind I won't have to pay the first month at the new place and last where I am.  And May is a good time to move, not yet too hot (hopefully), and the snow all gone.  It also gives me a good amount of time to save, and to clean/purge.  I'll be putting quite a few things up on kijiji over the next month or so, hopefully I can sell a lot of stuff.  But whatever I can't sell I will otherwise get rid of, give away if I have to. 

Because I expect the move will mean not buying for at least 3 to 5 years, I should be able to try for two next fall, instead of this year, which means Jackson will be 5 but I think that's still ok.  It gives me more time to save in my RRSP, and time to save for IUI etc.  The better rental will also be better for another baby, and newer, nicer to boot.  I'm actually pretty excited, and while I wish that I could do it NOW, of course I need to wait. 

And I plan on getting at least one kitten. I will be going to the cat show in about a month and hope to see in person the breeds I'm looking for, being able to talk to the breeders and get to know the cats better.  I would like to get Snickers down a few pounds first, he is very overweight, and if I could get him down 3 or 4 pounds before getting a kitten, I think the kitten then would be good exercise for him.  I may get two cats, but I'm not sure on that yet.  I'm leaning to getting a Tonk & Aby.  Perhaps at Christmas time, but it may not be until we move into the new house. 

So I have my plans for saving, my budget in place, that I have to stick to!! And if all goes well I think I will be quite comfortable and happy.  I may even host an SMC get together once we get settled in a new place. 

I bought some test strips, for FSH and for ovulation, I plan to use them this cycle just to see if I can get an idea of where I'm at, before going to my doctor to see if he'll run the tests. Since I don't really want to try for a year, well since I can't afford to try for another year, it makes sense to get a feel for where I'm at, and if I do in fact have time to wait.  I know if things are not in my favour, I will be happy with one.  But I think if I don't at least find out my status and if I can do this again, that I will regret that.  So this is step one, a quick pee test, and then we'll see from there.  Fingers crossed I still have some time.

Crazy for cats

I think I've mentioned before that I tend to get obsessed with things.  Well now I'm on to cats.  Mea is still with us, and I'm not sure for how much longer but I didn't want to leave Snickers all alone for the long weekend so I've delayed having her euthanized. I still believe it's the best option now, sadly, she has moments when her back legs don't support her, and while I think she has rallied a bit this past week, the long weekend alone without me will be telling.  So we'll see if all this changes when we get home Monday.

In the meantime I have been researching cat breeds.  I have narrowed my list down to 4 breeds, one is very hard to find, one is possibly a little too wild, and the other two are expensive, well all 4 are really lol.  I know people will tell me to rescue a cat from the shelter, I've done that one, and two as strays and I just can't do it again right now.  So the breeds I'm down to Tonkinese, Abyssinian, Ocicat & Bengal.  They are all active breeds who like to play and are interactive.  Which is what I want.  I am not planning to get a new cat any time soon, but am just looking at the options.  I plan to focus on getting my big Snickers down a few pounds before getting him a kitten, though perhaps an active kitten to chase around might help him down a few pounds. 

The Ocicat is the hardest to find, I believe there is a breeder in Montreal but they don't put an email on their website, and I don't like calling, so that is probably out.  Abyssinian's are available from a few places.  They seem to be a little more aloof, not a lap cat at all.  But they are good with kids, and fun.  And a breeder in Ottawa will have some available in late December.  There is a Tonkinese breeder in Kingston and the breed is active, and can be a lap cat.  They are talkative, friendly, and good with kids and other pets.  Finally there is the Bengal, they are possibly a bit more wild than I'd like but it depends I think on the breeder.  They also look pretty wild, which is very cool. 

I've also been looking more into renting.  My problem now is the area of town to move to, not until spring, and what will be available then.  It partly depends on if I can get a job that will allow me to stay at the work location I'm at now, if I can then the area to live in shifts, but if not then it is a bit more limited. Sadly I don't have the money now, there is a great 3 bed, 2 bath place for rent at less than my max, single family, backs onto a park.  It would be awesome, but of course I haven't got the money to move just now, I figure I'll need about $5k to do it, first, last & movers.  The rent of course will be "recovered" in not having to pay again for the first month, and not having to pay where I am for the last month since I put a deposit down.  But having it up front is the problem.  I'll have to do the math again I guess.  Of course I also need to hire movers, I'd have a hard time doing it all myself.  Also I'd want time off to do it, and won't have that until April 1st.  I also need time to purge and let go of things.  That is a tricky bit for me, I have a hard time getting rid of things I may need again someday.  And baby things in particular. 

Having another baby is still something I'd like to do, at some point. But it's difficult to imagine I'll ever have the money, especially if I keep wasting it like I do.  But I am hoping I can do better, I have been doing better at times, and then not so much. 

Any way, everything takes time, but it helps me to write it out and see it in black and white.  Time to get a new cat (or two?) and time to move. All good things come in time.  Sometime soon I hope. 

Preparing to say goodbye

My journey with Mea these past few months has been very difficult.  I have wavered in my decision a few times, and keep hoping for a miracle, that she will go back to her old self, start gaining weight, be able to jump and play again.  But alas it is not to be.  I have been reading a lot about when to say goodbye to your pet, and found a few sites online. One has a "test" where you score the pet on certain things and if the score is higher than 8, they say it is time.  Mea scored 13, and that was me being conservative on a few things.  She's been back on the antibiotics for a couple weeks now, with more to go but I just don't think she's really living any more.  She sleeps unless she is out of hiding looking for food.  She eats a lot, but is still losing weight.  She isn't grooming herself any more, and has difficulty walking around.  I know in my heart it's time. 

The difficulty now is the timing of it.  My previous cat died at Thanksgiving, so I don't really want to do that again, it would bring a really bad vibe to the whole holiday.  However, I'm not sure she'll make it with us gone away for the long weekend (for any Americans this coming weekend is Thanksgiving in Canada).  But on the other hand, it would be leaving poor Snickers, my other cat, alone for the whole weekend, and taking her in Friday to say goodbye, then leaving him alone, I suspect he'd end up a tad depressed and sad.  I can't take him to my parent's as they have a large black lab who takes great joy in chasing cats.  My thought right now is to wait until we get back.  Which leads to the "what to do with Jackson?" dilemma.  I don't want to take him with me, but getting someone to come watch him will be tricky, and to go without him during the day means taking a day off work.  Now I do need to go see the city about my daycare spot, but apparently I have to wait for them to send me a letter to go in, so I'm not sure when that'll be (since I was supposed to go in August and I'm still waiting...). 

I guess I just keep hoping some miracle will happen if I wait one more day.  Perhaps she'll start to play again, or jump up on something, or clean herself up a bit.  I've been brushing her but it's not the same.  To pet her is just painful with her losing so much, her body is eating her muscle, she has no fat left, and it's just so hard to see her like this. 



Mea looking like her regal self





Back when they got along




Jackson is 4 months, and Mea loved him and put up with anything




enjoying the baby's things



To rent or to buy

I've been reading Mayim Balik's book, and it's very interesting, very much about attachment parenting of course.  One thing she says pretty early on is, that is to know the type of parent you want to be.  So I've been thinking about how much time I get to spend with Jackson.  My job is relocating to a new building which will extend my commute, and that means less time with my boy.  Add in his starting school next year, and the new hours I'll have to work to accommodate that, and I'm left with a minor dilemma.  Well it's actually a big problem and I am not sure what to do.

The way I see it I have a few options with where to live, and with work.  So the home options first.  I can stay where I am and just suck it up, we'll have less time together than I'd like but it's more than lots of people get.  We can afford to be here, the school he'll be at is quite good and there is an after school program there for a reasonable price that he will be able to attend.  I'll be able to put him on the bus then pick him up at the school before 6, and voila.  Option 1.

My other choice is to move closer to where the new job will be. I cannot afford to buy there, probably ever, so renting would be the option.  To rent there would cost more than I am paying now, it's doable for us, and the area is pretty great, I have to check the schools still.  I won't be able to go until spring/summer any way, so the option is one I'd have to plan for.  I'd be able to rent a house, as opposed to my townhouse, so a nicer space just in the fact I wouldn't be attached to anyone.  But as I said, it'd cost more, so it would take longer to save up.

The last choice is to maybe try a "rent to own" company, which I've heard not so great things about but sometimes it feels like it's what I'm going to have to do.  In that case I'd end up likely out of town because that's where I'll be able to afford.  So it's an option but not really one I feel strongly about.  Except that it would be nice to only have to move once, and to not be here too much longer. 

For all of these options I really feel like I need to really purge and declutter my home.  There are so many toys, so much stuff, and it just needs to go.  I just don't know where to start.  I think it would be nice to have someone else come over and just start.  I get overwhelmed looking at everything I need to sort through.  I know I should be doing small steps, even 15 minutes a day to just start to get through it.  It's on the to do list.

And now the job.  A couple options here too.  If I could get a job and stay in the building I'm at now it would save me, save me having to move, give me more options of where to live, and give me the permanence in the new position.  That would be ideal but it's not something I have no control over. 

The choices I have control over, are whether to work part time when Jackson starts school in order to not have to put him in after school care.  It would mean a pay cut of course, how much?  I'd have to work that out.  But it might be an option, perhaps it would make me feel better about how much time I can spend with him, since I do want him to go school.

And finally there is the summer's off option, which can be used with the part time option as well.  I work for the government and we have the option of taking time off and spreading the unpaid leave over the year, they call it leave with income averaging, so they spread out the unpaid time and you get a little less every pay but still get paid while you are off on leave.  The benefit will be when he starts school, I won't need childcare for the whole summer, it'll again be a pay cut, but how much? I'll need to check that too I guess.  It's an option I am likely going to take advantage of, but whether I can afford to do both pay cuts is greatly debatable. 

I think that's enough for now, hopefully it all makes sense.  It helps me to write it down and get it out there.  I am tired, tired of my messy home that I can't seem to get a handle on, tired of living here with the closeness of the neighbours, tired of worrying all the time.  I want to be able to make a decision and get on with it.  I know I won't really be able to do that until spring, but if I know that the choice is coming to a certain extent, then I can start the purging, and decluttering, and hopefully the saving to move, and be able to make the decision when the time comes. 

Men are...

Stupid.  At least so it seems to me lately.  There's a guy at work, older, nice, or so I thought.  Over the past year or so he's done odd things, sending me lottery ticket numbers, promising to share the winnings, buying me a gift at Christmas.  A lot of it I thought was because he felt sorry for me, being a single mom seems to be something people feel bad about for some weird reason.  I've been nice in return, it's not like I'm going to be rude.  But it got a little weird when he started avoiding mentioning anything to do with me to his wife, who works on the same floor as me (and him at the time).  He didn't want me to tell anyone if he did something for me. 

Then he came over to see my new car. I thought ok, he doesn't work in the same building any more, so whatever, he can come see the car.  He brought Jackson timbits, and then came in for a bit, which was a little weird but whatever, he came all the way over.  Jackson enjoyed him, as he does anyone who visits and pays attention to him. 

Then last weekend he sent me an email asking if he could come over for dinner, order something in, he'd leave right after we ate.  Ok, weird.  He's married.  That sounded rather datelike to me.  I didn't reply to the email.  We went on our merry way, Sunday at the store doing groceries my phone rang and I answered it. It was him.  Wanted to know if his email had made been inappropriate, then if we could go for coffee.  I said no because I was out doing groceries. And that was it.  But then he emailed me twice.  I never replied. And again this week he has emailed me at work, and I have not replied.  What could I say?  I didn't know for sure he was being an idiot, only that it made me feel uncomfortable and I figured some time perhaps I'd be able to actually say something that wouldn't be mean.

Then tonight he sends me this "When I called last weekend, I was trying to determine if I was bothering you...I guess I'm a little slow. I obv put you in a very uncomfortable position...been fighting whatever it is I have been feeling for a while and was part of the reason I changed jobs. Really didn't want to hurt you...I'll go far away now..."  Umm really?  Perhaps he needs to talk to his wife before deciding how he feels.  Honestly, I don't even know what to say to that, or to say anything at all.  So men are stupid, and I don't like it. 

I have been very happy in my little life, man free. Not having to deal with any of this crap. I like being single, I love being a mom, I love being a single mom and not worrying about men or dating or any of it. I don't want to date, I don't want to be in a relationship.  Even if I did want to date, I certainly would never go for a married man!  And not this man in particular any way.  And being a wuss who hates conflict I don't want to deal with this particular issue.  The man changed jobs to escape me!  Come on. 

I had to write it down, tell "someone".  I worked with him, he knows everyone I know at work and they know him.  It's just so wrong.  Now back to my regular life...

New job

I started my job last week, my new position that is.  I still work for the same government agency, and am still acting a level up, just doing different work and on a different team.  So far so good, I know I can do the work, but I think I've gotten lazy in my old job, used to just doing what I do and not having to think about it too much, so it's a challenge to get back on track and listen again.  I have a new team, so new people to get used to. The one lady I work with now is very umm eager.  She's quite a happy person, very much wants to do a good job, a little over the top but I'm sure I'll get used to it. She's very organized, which is good.  But it will also be an adjustment again because I'm used to basically working alone.  I was happy to have the manager tell me that as soon as the pool is established my temporary level will be permanent.  That is a relief and means I can plan my savings better.

Mea is still not 100%, and I am concerned. I am not sure what to do. I can put her on antibiotics for 3 weeks, see if that helps, but she has lost so much weight, and is not gaining it back. I can feel every bone in her body when I pet her, it makes me feel bad.  I've been trying to get weight back on her, feeding her kitten food, giving her canned food 3 times a day plus leaving dry stuff down for her.  But I'm not sure it's helping enough, she was very sick and I think I took too long to help her.  I will call the vet again, see if she will give the antibiotics without more blood work etc, and see from there. 

I've been pretty good about my budget, have a bit of money saved, and am working on paying off the debt.  I am not sure I'll be able to afford getting pregnant this fall, without going further into debt, and I won't be able to buy a house for at least another year, if not 18 months, so I'm not sure what to do.  I am still loving being a mom, and would love another baby, but we are so comfortable. I wonder how parents decide to have another baby, I mean at first, in the first year or so it was easy, I knew I wanted more, it was all I could think about.  Then time goes by and things get easier, comfortable, and you wonder if you want to disrupt all of that again.  Perhaps too much time goes by.  I guess having the kids closer together would have made more sense.  Or perhaps starting earlier so I had more time to make a decision.  Never mind being 37 and having a hard time keeping up with my boy!  He has so much energy!

So I have a bit of a plan.  I want to keep to my budget on track, lose weight, declutter, and organize my house.  If I can focus on these things for awhile (say 2 or 3 months) then I will be in a position to have another baby if that's what I decide I still want to do.  My home is big enough, it's a rental and there are much larger families than mine living in these places.  But I would still like to buy a house, have more outdoor space, be in a nicer neighbourhood.  I will also need to make a decision about Mea, either way, and go with that.  I don't think she'd survive another baby, and her life is not so great right now as it is.  So that needs to be resolved, and will take some time. 

I'm also working on resolving my thoughts on a second baby or not.  Everything gives me some time to work that all out, and to possibly get to the doctor to get some tests done.  I'm just not sure if I need to go to the fertility clinic to even get the tests done, I know they would be better to interpret the results, but not necessarily needed to get the tests done, at least the blood work.  I am not sure how long I have, I'm 37 now.  My period has changed, though I think that's partly because of my choice to use mama cloth, which is fabulous btw.  My cycle is very regular now, fertility friend gets it right every month... which is kind of nice.  I haven't been temp'ing at all, suppose I should start that.  And once I decide to go ahead I have a list of supplements that can help.  Just not sure if I should be taking them now too.  Need to read more I guess.

Another too short long weekend

The end of another long weekend.  It was a good one.  I had Friday off but because Mea has been on antibiotics we didn't go down until Saturday morning so she could get her last doses.  Saturday morning we went shopping and earned a bunch of points, got some awesome deals and then came home, put it all away and packed up the car.  We left at 9:30 and got to Nanny's just after noon, in time for lunch.  Jackson started talking and didn't stop the whole time.  He was very tired tonight and fell asleep super quick in his own bed.  I guess he also likes being in his own bed, like me.  I will also sleep very tonight I'm sure.  I have tomorrow off as well, it was a last minute decision and I'm not keeping him home.  My plan is to get some purge and decluttering done.  Hopefully I can do a good job.  And maybe take a nap :-)

Jackson was really good at my parent's.  We went for brunch on Sunday, it was a buffet and he did quite well.  He ate quite a bit and enjoyed it.  We drove my new car and my parent's said it's quite roomy and comfy for them too.  I'm enjoying the car, it's nice to be in something safe and with great mileage.  I also liked the way it drove on the highway.  And it put Jackson to sleep pretty quickly too.

On Mea - she is actually doing better.  Amazingly. I am still a little surprised, and also feeling slightly guilty.  If it was the antibiotics that helped, if I had done them sooner she'd have been well sooner. However I can't change that so we are just moving forward.  I'm feeding her at least one extra time a day the canned food, and bought her some kitten food to put some weight back on her. I am going to call the vet tomorrow to see if I can take her in to get weighed, I don't want an appointment, just to see if she's putting weight back on.  I think she is but she still has a way to go.  She needs to beef up though so she can build her muscle and be able to play again.  She is still staying low and sleeping more, but she is so much better at walking again, still a little weak but I'm thinking that's the weight loss and muscle loss. 

And that's about it I think.  Money is yucky, I am trying to stick to budget but between the cat and the car things are not going as well as I'd like.  Hopefully it's going to get better soon.  I have a bit of a stockpile of things happening, things I need but sometimes spend too much on, that I got on good sales with coupons too.  We have food to last at least a month, minus the milk which of course we need to buy fresh, and some veggies and fruit, but even fruit I have some frozen that can do if needed, same with veggies I guess.  And of course weight loss is not happening either, need to do something about that now.  All in all though it means baby 2 is probably another year off... by then I'll have the SP8 job permanently so money will be better, and last mat leave will be paid back, and hopefully we'll be in a position to be buying a house... at least that's the plan now! 

Car, Cat and bad news

I got my new car and I love it.  I went in Monday to talk about it and test drive, I took Jackson and he was actually really good.  He went on the test drive with me and it was good.  I was not too happy with the financing terms but it was the best I was able to do, and I can afford it, just means I'd better really use those coupons!  I picked up the car Wednesday, less than a week!  The funniest part is that Jackson still insists it belongs to "the man" and is not ours.  He's getting used to it but it is too funny. 

I also heard back from the vet on Monday.  Mea's anti-inflammatory are high, her protein is low, her liver & kidneys are fine, and her urine was slightly dilute.  Apparently her body is fighting something and it's causing her pain.  I was able to speak to the first vet who saw her, and she was not very optimistic.  Apparently Mea would likely not react well to the medicine they wanted to use for arthritis.  So.  She's on an antibiotic to try and see if it's an infection, as well as a pain med that she was on previously.  I am hopeful these will help, but if not then it is cancer and I will have to say goodbye. 

I am still not entirely sure what to tell Jackson, he knows that she is sick, and I have told him she is getting medicine but she might be too sick for it to work, and she may have to leave us and go to heaven.  I didn't want to use "the farm" because we actually go visit farms on occasion, I didn't want him to ask to, and expect to, see her again. Heaven is a vague term here, we haven't gone to church and I'm not sure he will understand it but I will explain that it's a nice place for Mea to go and live, to be able to play and sleep and have fun whenever she wants.  It will be hard on both of us I think.  I do believe I have seen some improvement in her but not much, and it never lasts long.  I think in another week I will know one way or the other.  The pain meds are only for a week, so if the antibiotics do work I should know by mid week. 

In better news, I heard back about the process I am in at work to keep my promotion, I was invited for language testing and told the next test will be one I've written before.  I am not going for the language testing, I do not speak French at all right now.  I checked my score on the other test and I've got more than is required, so I emailed the contact for the competition and they have confirmed I have the score I need, they have the record. So I am in.  Which is a relief, to get into the pool at this point pretty much means I'll be keeping this permanently.  Phew. 

So that's my week... Jackson has been really good the whole week and is still the light in my life, he makes me smile and is such a good boy.  We've been working on the terrible two issues, and it is going better, he is starting to listen and I'm giving him simple options to choose from, to allow him to feel in control.  Now to deal with the toy issue... every time we go shopping he believes he should get a new toy... which is of course my own fault but now it's a hard habit to break!

Our new car still wrapped in plastic

Of cars and credit

On the last trip to my parents when I started the car to come home the check engine light came on.  It had rained a lot the day before we left, and it was still damp.  It was a long drive home, worrying about what to do.  The car is a 2002, so it's not new or something.  It's got some rust and will need new tires before winter, the heat wasn't working that great by February but we managed, I'm not sure it would last another winter without sinking a lot of money into it.  So the check engine light was a bit of a worry.  It went off a couple days later, and came back on the next time it rained.  To go off again when it got hot and dry again.  It's possible that it's something easy to fix, I'm just so tired of dealing with it. 

So I finally called a car company, they sell a couple different makes, and I've settled on the car I want.  I go in tomorrow to discuss details and test drive a couple models.  I hope it all goes well.  I am not looking forward to the expense, but am looking forward to the new car. I don't feel that my current car is safe to get back and forth to my parents.  And I know I can make the payments, though it may mean putting off a house for an extra year, possibly baby 2 as well, which is somewhat on hold any way.  It seems that having a nice permanent government job is all I really need to get a car loan... how crazy is that?  I believe having the car loan will further improve my credit, and allow me to get a mortgage. 

And about my job, I'm moving to a new position Sept 11th.  I'm pretty sure I'm happy about it.  It is a good opportunity to learn something new.  It's still an acting position, so I'll continue with the higher pay, and once the process wraps up I'll be in the position permanently.  So it's good. 

Jackson has been TWO lately.  He certainly has a mind of his own and does not like to listen until you threaten to take away his bottle, or not buy him a new toy.  He loves his little cars.  I started a sticker chart, but it did not go well, I'm going to try again.  There are moments I am at a loss how to deal with him.  I don't want to lose my temper with him but boy does he push my buttons sometimes!  I know he's not doing it on purpose but it seems like it sometimes.  I am working on it, as much as I am working on him.  We do have some great moments together as well, and I look forward to and try to enjoy those as much as possible. 

I am faced with a small problem.  My poor Mea is sick, she has pretty bad arthritis, and I took her for tests on Friday.  That annoyed me, the tests will say if she is healthy enough for medication, but if she's not they aren't willing to give anything to make her feel better.  So she's suffering while I wait for the blood work to come back.  Any way.  I expect she does not have much longer with us.  And I have no idea how to explain to Jackson where she has gone without unduly upsetting him, or having him connect things badly. For instance I don't want to say she got sick and didn't get better, then every time he or I get sick he will worry about it.  I can't say I took her to the farm, then he'll never want to go to the farm, or he will want to go visit her.  I hope that she can go on medication, and that it will help her live her life again, but I know it won't last long, so it is a dilemma of how long will I do this for her?  Should I have let her go?  I thought she was about 11 but the last very said she's closer to 16... that upsets me.  I've had her 9 years, and she came to me scared of people and very timid.  So while she has had a great life with me, I feel bad for all she obviously went through before me.

So ends my Sunday rambling.  Car, hopefully a new one soon!. Child... he's awesome but wow is he getting his own personality!  And my poor Mea... sweet little kitty that I love.



My Mea



Back to work tomorrow

Tomorrow we are back to the grind.  I managed to get him mostly back on track today in terms of naps and sleep, so hopefully tomorrow is not too much of a struggle for either of us.  We had a nice play date with a friend and her daughter, we haven't seen them since Jackson started daycare I think, so over a year!  close to 2 years actually.  They both had fun and want to do it again, Jackson asked to go back there and she asked for him to come swim in her little pool. It was nice that they got along, though of course my boy pushed her... a few times... sigh... He also ate two hot dogs for lunch there, which was actually a good things since he hardly had any breakfast before we left.  And Olivia had two hot dogs with buns, Jackson won't eat them like that... silly boy.  They have a new baby, well he's 3 months old now, which Jackson thought was pretty neat, he wanted the baby in the swing though, so every time he came out of it Jackson wasn't too pleased.  It was kind of funny to me.  I see how hard it is to have two little ones but still want another. Working on it.

A nice (short) vacation and my new obsession

I booked a week off from work.  We went to visit my parent's and it was a nice break.  But I have to say the "terrible two's" are no fun at all.  I am losing it more than I'd like and feel like I need a month off to calm myself down.  But of course that isn't an option right now so I will hopefully manage with a few long weekends between now and the end of the year, when I am off for just over a week at Christmas... less than 6 months away! 

Jackson has certainly been trying my patience, and I've been losing it.  He runs off, scares me, hits, hits my poor little cat with arthritis, pulls her tail, she can't even move fast enough to get away from him.  He doesn't listen, and I am just at a loss.  I mean I know he's two and testing his boundaries and all that, but now he is forced to ride in the cart because he runs off, and up and down the aisles screaming and looking for "toys".  He torments the animals, throws things on the floor, and generally doesn't listen.  I am tired.  I know I am stressed, partly because of all the changes at work, and partly because I just need a break.  Even the trip to my parent's was not so restful.  And on the way home the check engine light came on... great... I'm not ready to get a new car!  Not that I wouldn't love one but I'm not ready.

I know my credit is improved, and I spoke to the bank before my holidays.  There were two things to be cleaned up on my report and then I'd qualify for a mortgage (if I had the down payment).  I've called about one and am supposed to be looking into the other one, but am secretly hoping it just goes away.  I know.  I'll get my report again in a couple weeks, once the one issue has time to be resolved and then see where I stand. One interesting thing, the banker mentioned the HBP, yeah I know, put money in my RRSP and use up to $25k as the down payment/closing costs. I currently have $2500 in there lol, but am expecting another $11k late in the year through a work contract thing.  He mentioned I could use an RRSP loan to top it up... get the money back when I file my taxes of course, and be able to use the full $25k.  Interesting.  I had not thought of that so it was a good trip to the bank.

And my new obsession... coupons.  Seriously.  I'm a little obsessed, ok a lot.  I have a coupon organizer and am on coupon trains, trading with people.  I am looking for bargains and matching up the coupons I have to the sales to get the best deals.  Today I got Palmolive dish soap for 99 cents, degree deodorant for $1.50, purex action pacs for $2.99 and dove body wash for $1.99.  I also found some bagged lettuce on sale for 50 cents, and dug through to find the latest expiry date hidden at the back :-)  All in all, I'm saving money. 

This month I am trying to use my freezer stock up. I have a lot of food in there and no room for any more, so I am eating what I have, the only food items I'm allowed to buy are fresh produce and milk.  I have enough of everything else to last the month. At least.  I wish that coupons worked as well here as they do in the US, I can't stack them or double them or anything like that, but I can use them on sale items, and can price match at Walmart, which I have not yet done because it intimidates me, but I will.  I am riding coupon trains to get my wish list coupons, my wish list which I need to revamp or I'm going to end up with 20 of the same coupon that I'll never be able to use.  And I am building up a stock pile of things like toilet paper, paper towels, shampoo and toothbrushes.  Things that don't really go bad and I can get a really good deal on.

I am also really using my shopper's points, or rather really saving them up to get some nice Christmas presents, I plan to get a free Wii, and possibly a few other gifts at that time of year.  I am learning all these things, and really enjoying it in the process.  As far as obsessions go, at least this one is saving me money!  I am carefully not buying things just because I have a coupon, but taking care to get things I will use and need. 

All of this has also cause me to purge and clean my house, also a work in progress, but I got rid of 5 bags of clothes, made a lot of room in my kitchen, both in the cupboards and on the counters, and will be tackling the baby items soon.  Those are a bit of a sore spot though, since I think I will need them for another baby, but see no way I'll be able to afford to have another one. Though with coupons I'm sure I could get a lot of stuff free or nearly free lol.  I am hoping my grocery budget will be greatly helped through all of this.  And yes I am buying healthy things too, or will be once my freezer is used up.  I have coupons for fresh chicken, salad, eggs, milk, and cheese, not just snacks and junk food.  Though I have a few of those too ;-)  And speaking of the freezer,I'd love to get a bigger one, but won't until my credit card is paid off, and I can pay cash for it.  So it'll be awhile.  Sigh.  It would come in so handy to be able to stock up on some great deals!  Oh well... I'm saving money either way. 

Another nice weekend

We've had another nice weekend.  I know it's not over yet but so far so good.  Yesterday was errand day, with lots of stops at stores and then some cleaning.  We went to Timmies after dinner and Jackson had two timbits which he really enjoyed.  I had an iced coffee and a new lady at the cash who made me an iced cap instead... she fixed it but seemed quite confused by it all.  Another lady was buying a dozen donuts and had to stand near our cash to choose them as we were on the donut side.  Jackson was quite upset that she was on our side but she was nice about it and had a little laugh at him.  It was cute, my boy knows his rules of line ups apparently, you stay in your line and don't cut in line. 

Today we went to a splash pad in Barrhaven, with a nice park there too.  Jackson took awhile to warm up to the water but did get quite wet in the end.  We met up with Missy and Emmerson.  Missy is my parent's best friends daughter, we grew up hearing about one another but never really met until I had Jackson and she had Emmy and we were both off on mat leave at the same time.  Now we hang out with kids in tow, and she is quite nice.  She has a baby boy as well, Cooper, so two under two, though Emmy is now just over 2 so I guess you can't say that any more.  She does have her hands full as her husband often travels for work so she's left with the two kids, and she is the type who needs some me time, she used to do iron man triathlons so is a big runner/biker/swimmer and prefers those activities in solitude.  Any way.  Jackson and Emmy played quite well together at the park, they share better when on neutral ground, if they are at one another's homes there is a territorial nature to their play.  Some kids from Jackson's daycare are actually neighbours with Emmy now, so we will be going over there for a big play date so Jackson can see his old friends. They are no longer going to his daycare so he hasn't seen them in awhile, and the older girl was one he has a bit of a crush on, always wanting to hug her... very cute.

Next weekend we go to my parent's for about 5 days.  I think a week is a bit too long, 5 days should be good.  Jackson has big plans, he wants to go the french fry restaurant (food court in the mall), buy a snowplow (go to the toy store), get a skippy stone (from a Stella and Sam episode, stone is from the beach), go for ice cream, walk down to see the boats on the water, and play.  All the usual stuff really.  Hopefully the weather cooperates and we're able to get it all in. 

My little female cat was limping quite a bit, so I finally had the time and money to get her to the vet.  They said she sounds like she has arthritis, and was compensating for her sore end by pulling up with her front, and pulled something in her elbow.  Thus the limping.  They gave her some medicine to help her feel better and let the elbow heal, and I've got her on a glucosamine supplement, and have bought her senior cat food.  This is tricky because I also have a fat cat who needs to go on a diet.  But since the little one (who is 6lbs) can no longer jump up on the dresser to get to the big boy's food (he's 20lbs at least) I have started giving him diet food.  And I made a cat feeding box, which I call Mea's Cafe.  I took a clear storage bin and cut an opening in it just big enough for her and not him.  I covered the cut plastic with some foam stuff you get to wrap around pipes (the plastic was sharp) and lined the box with an old towel because it was slippery inside.  Now she can eat in peace, her own food, and he can go on a diet.  They still get canned food twice a day, which she mostly eats, and which I pick her up to get to as I can't put it on the floor or the dog will eat it all.  And we'll see how it goes.  I expect she will not make it too much longer though, she sleeps a lot now, can't jump like she used to (she's a climber) and is a bit sad overall.  I am hoping she'll get better but will not let her suffer. She has lost most of the muscle in her hind end, and her elbow is still sore.  But she still likes to cuddle and is doing better.  Hopefully the new food, supplements and time will help her adapt.  She's only 10 or 11 (got from the humane society so not sure her real age) which is not old really, for an indoor cat.  In any case, we're adapting and hopefully she has a few more years in her. 



Riley and Mea waching the squirrels in the fall



Mea



Snickers - look at his belly!



Long day with a tired kiddo

The weather started out pretty good this morning so I decided to take us on a little hike. It's about a 5k or so loop and normally takes us an hour to do.  About 20 minutes into it Jackson wanted up.  I had brought my fabulous preschool sized kinderpack so I flipped him up on my back and away we went.  Now if I had been thinking I would have turned around then since we weren't even at the half way point, but I thought he was just needing a little break and would want to walk again.  He didn't.  I carried him about 40 minutes, my back was a little sore, he is 34 or so pounds so he is heavy.  My carrier was awesome though, it really shifts the weight into my hips and legs so it's not pulling down on my shoulders. 

I'm not sure why he was so tired today, he had a good sleep last night and it was still well before nap time when we went hiking.  He had a big nap after lunch too, close to 4 hours.  And after a bath he fell asleep pretty easily tonight.  So hopefully he's not sick again because I am so out of leave it's not funny.  And we're going to my parent's Friday for the long weekend.  I'll pick him up after lunch at daycare, he should be pretty tired and ready for a nap after playing all morning and having a good lunch. 

I had a nap today too, and the puppy who came with us on the walk is currently snoring on the couch, and had a big nap as well.  He's not used to such a long walk, not for awhile any way.  I've had to start using the halti on him again though because he's pulling a lot again.  We did obedience classes before Jackson was born but he didn't ever really get the no pull walk.  He will sit, and down, especially if there is a treat offered, but he pulls constantly.  Jackson will never be able to walk him.

Overall it was a good weekend, didn't spend any money (have none to spend lol) and we got out to enjoy the nice weather quite a bit.  It's raining now and is supposed to continue for a couple days.  Means I don't have to water my garden which is nice.  Speaking of my garden, my tomato plants are going awesome, the carrots seem to have disappeared, the swiss chard is sad looking, I may try that again after the hottest part of summer.  My cucumbers were eaten by squirrels and only two bean plants made it. The pepper plant is hanging in there but doesn't seem to be growing much.  I do have some lettuce that seems to be doing well.  I also have a few calla lilies in my pots that are blooming, I guess the squirrels missed those.  I do love calla lilies, they are so pretty!

A short work week, then a nice long weekend.  I hope we have a good time at my parent's place, and are able to go to the beach.  The short week will be nice for his first in the preschool room.  I am hopeful that it goes well and he adjusts quickly, but I know my kid and anticipate some crying and perhaps a tantrum or two.  I really hope they listen to me about the potty training, which did not happen at all this weekend.  If the weather is nice we'll be outside a lot this weekend, so that'll be good for hanging out in underpants outside. 

Starting in July I'm moving to a cash budget system, well a hybrid of one any way.  I will be using envelopes, mostly because the jars I see on Til Debt Do Us Part would be too hard to carry around.  I have my categories all sorted out and a plan to pay off my small debt, and save for a house and a few other things.  I am also going to be saving for Christmas.  I plan to use my ING savings account, which I haven't used in many many years, to save for that, and a couple other things that are yearly purchases.  I'm combining a few different ideas and am hoping it will go well.  I will need to show some restraint, and to say no to my baby.  He usually asks for a toy when we go to certain stores, but when I look around the living room it isn't like he needs any!  I need to stop shopping.  I am a shopaholic.  Extreme shopaholic.  I need a replacement for that.  Maybe I can do a workout when the urge to shop strikes... I'd lose weight for sure! :-) 

And that's that for now.  Rambling post I guess but just stuff to get out.  Time for me to go to bed shortly, kiddo is sound asleep and it's a big day for him tomorrow. 

Picnic at the Park

Today has been a good day so far, the weather is fabulous and we met up with the SMC group in Ottawa for a picnic at Sandy Hill park.  It was a lot of fun though I spent more time chasing Jackson than being able to chat with anyone unfortunately.  He was pretty good but at the end was not listening so it was time to come home.  I didn't know they have a wading pool there so didn't take his swimsuit, so he didn't get to get wet.  I know now and it wasn't that hard to get to so we may go back. It was quite a nice little park.  I'm sure there are similar in our area, closer to home, but I have to find them!  We normally stick to our little hidden park that he enjoys, we can walk there in just over 20 minutes so we take the dog, play at the park then walk home.  I am thinking of trying the bike out after nap time, to head to that little park for some playing.  But it will depend on what time he wakes from his nap at.

Some pics of him enjoying himself



driving the train



on the toddler sized slide



on the tire swing

 He also enjoyed digging in the dirt and going down the big slide with mommy, though mommy's butt got a little burned so we only did that twice.

It was nice to see the other mommy's and kids as well, a few are either trying for 2, in the process of having their second or already have two.  It was inspiring to see and makes me more determined to make that work for me. 

Work is work, and my acting promotion was extended so the extra money will be coming in for an additional month, which is great and will hopefully build up my savings towards my goal. 

Daycare is going well, he moves up to the preschool room on Monday and yesterday they gave me a list of things he'll need that I wasn't prepared for, so had to spend extra money which rather annoys me.  And then there was some issue with training pants, they want him in pull ups, I don't use disposables, and he's been wearing underwear in the toddler room for two weeks now, so why are we going backwards.  His toddler room teacher was nice, and told me that I am his mother and to say what I want them to do.  Which is underpants.  I'll make sure to leave a few extra pairs of underpants and shorts there, I do any way, and will expect accidents, but if they are consistent with getting him to sit on the potty, there shouldn't be an issue.  I will have to be on top of it here, which so far hasn't gone well.  I am hoping next weekend at my parent's will be good, he will likely be out in their backyard a good portion of the day, or at the beach, so underwear it will be!  Plus I got a piddle pad for the car seat so won't have to worry about that either. It should be delivered Monday or Tuesday (had to order it online as it's been out of stock at the local stores forever).

And that's our time so far :-)  He's napping, I'm considering one myself, though I have a lot of chores I should be doing.  Always chores to do though... don't always have time to nap. 

Lovely weekend, sick baby

The weather this weekend is pretty amazing.  It's hot and a bit humid but sunny and would be nice to get out to the park, for a walk, maybe a bike ride.  But here I am at 6:40 and my baby is asleep and has been for about an hour or so already.  He has a fever and while it comes down with Advil quite quickly I hate to keep him on medicine all the time, I believe a fever has a purpose and if he is still drinking, and able to sleep, I don't want to medicate him. I gave him a dose this morning so we could get a few things done, and because he was whiny and didn't want to sleep but was sleepy.  We got our groceries done among a few other things, and have been just hanging out watching TV, movies and relaxing.

My plans for the weekend had been to bike to the park this morning and then this after to go for a "ride" on his new balance bike.  But here I am with my kid already asleep, totally not used to him being up there so early. It's been over a month since we moved his bedtime to 8 from 7, and even longer since it was 6:30.  So I just don't really know what to do with myself!  I have some silly tv show on and am thinking I might have time to watch a movie from my PVR. Interesting thought. 

I guess it's good he's sick this weekend, we have plans for the next couple so we'll get this over with and move on.  But he can't be sick this week because I have to go to work on Tuesday, there are some big changes coming at work and I am concerned about what my job and future will be like.  I really need to be there, so he has got to be up for daycare!  Hopefully this fever is just a couple days of misery and we'll be back to healthy by Monday. 

Speaking of daycare, Jackson is moving up to the preschool room June 26th.  I'm sure he's ready but I'm not sure I am!  It'll probably take him a week or so to adjust, it might take me longer.  The preschool room has new teachers, a new schedule, and a ratio of 1 teacher to 8 kids instead of 5 like in the toddler room. But it also has bigger toys, big kid toys, more room in the play yard, more kids to play with, a lot of them he knows from the toddler room, and I imagine the potty training will really pick up.  He has been doing really well with that at daycare but we are still having a lot of accidents at home, I'm going to need a new area rug when this is done :-)  It will be interesting to see how I adjust lol, the preschoolers are usually outside still when I come to pick him up.  That will change in November as my office is moving further from the daycare, but for now it will be interesting to try and get him to leave that fun.  I might just adjust my schedule to add half an  hour at the end of the day, and be able to leave 2 hours earlier on Fridays... we'll see!

Well we have some vomit now, I think from the fever more than anything.  It's been two weeks since I had the flu or food poisoning so I can't imagine this is the same thing, but you never know.  But he's going back to sleep, I tried to get some Advil in him but I think that might have set off the throwing up, so I'll wait to try again.  Big sigh. 

I have been looking at the area I want to buy a house in, it's not in the same city technically so the subsidy I have for daycare wouldn't be the same, however they do have a program there that I might qualify for.  And there seem to be home daycares that are a big less than around here.  They also have daycares in the schools, I believe more than just before and after care so that would be great for a number 2, drop them both off at the same place, pick them up at the same place.  Close to home because it's a small town.  But it is a little more French than I'm used to, I don't speak French at all though it would be wise to learn given my job and the fact I still want to move up.  And it would be good for Jackson to learn, and easier in such a community and in a French school.  But that also scares me a bit.  Sometimes I think I'd like to move back to the smaller town near my parent's but I wouldn't have the same job there so it's not really an option.  Not right now any way. 

And in the T42 front, I still have weight to lose before I want to try, I have days where I wonder if waiting another year would be good.  As it is I'll be 38 when number 2 arrives, what is one more year?  But I know that it gets harder and I know my mom went through menopause earlier, and my sister who is 5 years older than me is starting... so that clock is ticking.  I will be getting tests done later this summer, after holidays and such, and hopefully I will be another 15 to 20 lbs lower, closer to goal.  Closer to "healthy".  I have been working on working out, and on eating healthier, more veggies, more lean meats, less carbs, less sugar and refined crap.  For Jackson too. 

Touch a Truck 2012

Today was a fun day, well morning I guess since the day is really only half done.  We went to the big Touch a Truck event and Jackson had a lot of fun.  He loves trucks of all types, and knows what they all are, do not get it wrong because he will correct you.  Where did he learn this stuff?  Mostly from various mighty machines videos and some books. 

The event is annual, apparently this is the 5th year or something.  We didn't go last year because I thought he was too little, but there were kids there younger than him this year.  People were very nice, he got lifted into the big trucks by firemen, army men, city workers, and a farmer.  He enjoyed it all, but did not smile for any pictures.  We missed out on a few of the trucks, by the time we got to them the lineups were too long and he did not want to wait.  When we left he informed me he was very sad.  We stopped for some fast food which lifted his spirits, surprising how french fries do that to us both ;-) and we made it home before he fell asleep.  He is now upstairs in his bed, playing with his city sweeper and fire truck, instead of napping.  I hope the nap comes soon though, he is tired. 

It was a hot, sunny day, which was good and bad.  It got very hot out there in the parking lot in the sun, but it was better than being wet in the rain or something.  We went inside as well, they had motorcycles and face painting.  He did not want his face painted so got a car painted on his arm instead.  In purple.  He refused to see the lizards, I'm not sure what he thinks they are but we'll go to Little Ray's one day this summer and hope it's not a disaster.

Some pics... you can see he did not smile at all.


Driving a snowplow




A city sweeper truck




In the airport firetruck with a fireman




on a Ducati




In the back of an army truck




In an army jeep

 No smiles, but he really did have a lot of fun.  We'll go back next year, try to get there even earlier (we were there about 20 minutes before they opened) and mommy will know to get to the "good" trucks first.